Calvin and Hobbes: The Series SEASON FOUR
by Swing123
Summary: The fourth season of Calvin and Hobbes: The Series. Now complete.
1. Caming Trip P1

_Swing123: And now, after almost an entire year of total inactivity, Garfieldodie and I have come back up from the underworld to bring you the fourth season of _Calvin and Hobbes. _With any luck, you will all think it was worth the wait, and you'll relish in every episode as we dive even deeper into the plot. Whatever plot we may have going, anyway.  
Please enjoy our garfieldodie and I's first work first work since July 2008._

**Summary: **Dad drags Calvin, Hobbes and Mom on yet another perilous camping trip.

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_And now the Calvin and Hobbes: The Series Season Four Premiere!  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Camping Trip**

"This meeting of G.R.O.S.S. is now called to order!" Calvin declared, doing a salute while he and Hobbes sat in the tree house with their newspaper hats.

Hobbes saluted back. "Here, here!"

Calvin leaned out the tree house, and pointed off towards the north.

"We have reason to suspect that our mortal enemy, Candace, has invaded our territory and infiltrated some of our top secret missions of top secretness! Last reported sighting was five minutes, three seconds ago."

Hobbes paused.

"I thought Susie was our mortal enemy," He said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes, we have lots of mortal enemies! If this club only had _one_ mortal enemy, then where would we be? Where would Superman be if he only had one super villain trying to take over the world every other day? Where would Spiderman be if there was only one weirdo out there who managed to find enough time in his day to moonlight as an evil lunatic? Where would Batman be if all he had to do is defeat one highly unrealistic villain in order to save.... whatever it is he aims on saving? I mean, come on!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Okay, fine, so we have two mortal enemies," He said, crossing his arms. "It all seems kind of silly to me,"

"Well you try finding people to be your enemies when you're so darn cool like I am!" Calvin said, turning away.

Hobbes sighed.

"Anyway, we need to begin devising a brilliant plan to amputate Candace from the general vicinity. Any suggestions?" Calvin whipped around.

There was a pause.

Nobody moved for several seconds.

"Oo-kay, time to switch over to Plan B," Calvin said, whipping back around.

"What's that going to be?" Hobbes asked.

"Blast Candace with water balloons until she leaves," Calvin said. "Remember, men, Candace is a new enemy. We have no idea what her level of temper is. She could worse than Susie! So I suggest we attack with great care."

"Sounds like a plan," Hobbes grinned.

"This may be our last day on Earth, men. Let's live it to the fullest!" Calvin declared.

"Sure," Hobbes grinned.

Calvin looked Hobbes up and down suspiciously.

"You're about to try and run off, aren't you?" He demanded.

Hobbes' grin faded.

"Wha...what would make you think that?"

"You're grinning like some kind of lunatic while we're about to plunge into one of our most dangerous missions," Calvin said, his eyes narrowing.

Hobbes opened his mouth to reply but Calvin cut him off.

"Never mind, we have work to do," He said, waving the tiger off. "Meeting adjourned!"

Calvin and Hobbes began clapping, then threw the ladder down to get out of the tree.

The very second Calvin's foot made contact with Mother Earth, Calvin's front door swung open.

Calvin flinched.

He whipped around and immediately began talking, before he even knew who it was.

"It wasn't me!" He exclaimed. "I didn't do _anything_! You have no proof! Anybody could've thrown those water balloons at her! _ANYBODY! _I'm innocent! _INNOCENT I TELL YOU!! __**WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!?!?!?**_"

Dad stood in the doorway, staring at Calvin, taken aback,

Calvin paused.

He straightened up.

"Oh... heh, heh, hi, Dad," He said, nervously. "What's up?"

Dad continued to stare at Calvin, and didn't say anything for several seconds.

Finally, he spoke.

"Are you ready?" He said, glancing around to see if Susie was soaking wet, running off, somewhere.

Calvin blinked.

"For what?" He asked.

Dad's brow furrowed.

"What do you mean for what? We've been talking about it for _weeks_, now!"

Calvin gave Dad a blank stare.

"Uuuhhhh... you're going to fly me down to L.A. so I can get begin my career as a child actor?"

The air hissed out of Dad's lungs, and his head fell to his chest.

"No, Calvin, we're not," He sighed.

Calvin glared at him.

"Well, what's wrong with being a child actor? There's lots of successful child actors out there! For example there's.... um... that one kid from Texas and, uh, I'm pretty sure there's one from Kentucky.... and then of course who could forget that unbelievable performance by.... what's-her-name in that one movie and... Hobbes help me!"

Calvin looked around in all directions.

Hobbes had disappeared.

Calvin whipped back to Dad.

"By golly, they say it's not wise of parents to squelch a child's dream!" He declared.

Dad rolled his eyes.

"Calvin, just start getting ready, and try to hurry!" He sighed.

"Where are we going?" Calvin asked, beginning to follow him.

"For the millionth time, we're going camping for the week," Dad sighed.

Calvin halted dead in his tracks.

It took a couple seconds for the words to register in Calvin's brain, and when they did, he went into his basic reaction.

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!!**_"

Calvin has three steps of response when he hears that a camping trip is coming. Step one: three minute long screams. Step two: denial. Step three: Doing everything in his physical power to prevent himself from going.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!!!!!" Calvin screamed, tumbling into his bedroom.

Hobbes, who was laying on Calvin's bed reading a comic book, looked up, and stared at him.

"Oh, hey, Calvin," He smiled, putting the comic book down. "What's going on?"

Calvin didn't reply, as he laid in a fetal position on the floor, still screaming.

"I see," Hobbes nodded. "Is this situation going to effect my physical health?"

Calvin's head came up, and he suddenly stopped screaming.

"What?! No! Of course not! Nothing's going on! We're not going anywhere! We're staying in my room all day! In fact, let me just _show_ you how much I know that we're going to be staying here, today!!"

Calvin leaped to his feet, and flew past Hobbes.

Hobbes watched his progress, silently.

Calvin grabbed a tall pile of paper and a pencil, and frantically began writing.

_We'renotgoingcampingwe'renotgoingcampingwe'renotgoingcampingwe'renotgoingcampingwe'renotgoingcampingwe'renotgoingcampingwe'renotgoingcampingwe'renotgoingcamping...._

Hobbes walked up to Calvin and looked over his shoulders.

"We're in mid-step two, right?" He asked, looking at Calvin.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"You can't even _pretend _to play along, can you?!" He demanded.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO CAMPING! PLEASE DON'T! I WANT TO LIVE!!! _**I WANT TO LIIIIIIIVE!!!!**_"

Dad dragged Calvin down the stairs, and somehow managed to get him outside.

Hobbes was already in the backseat of the car, which was crammed packed with duffel bags and backpacks. Mom was in the passenger's seat, watching Dad, emotionlessly.

"YOU CAN LEAVE ME HOME ALONE!! I PROMISE I WON'T TEAR THE PLACE DOWN!! WAIT!! NO! YOU CAN GET ROSALYN!! _**GET ROSALYN TO BABYSIT ME!!! **_I'M WILLING TO SUFFER THROUGH THAT, EVEN!! _JUST DON'T TAKE ME CAMPING!!!!_" Calvin howled, as Dad shoved Calvin into the car, and slammed the door. Mom leaned over and began buckling him. "I'LL TAKE WHATEVER DAD IS PAYING YOU AND GIVE YOU DOUBLE!!!!"

Mom rolled her eyes as Dad got into the car.

* * *

Many hours went by as Calvin, Hobbes, Mom and Dad drove down the road towards their destination. And of course, by this time, Calvin's full fledged panic had evolved into boredom.

"When are we going to be there?!" Calvin moaned, his head falling to the side.

Dad rolled his eyes.

"Calvin we're almost there, please just be quiet," He said, trying to concentrate on the road.

Calvin sank into his seat, causing it to squeak as he did so.

"I'm so _bored!_" He complained, moving his head around in circles.

He looked over to his left.

Hobbes was curled up on the seat, fast asleep.

"I'm so bored, my head hurts! _And it's fun!!!_" He said, turning back to Dad.

"Calvin...." Dad said, through gritted teeth.

"You know they did some experiment in Denver, and a bunch of rats actually _died _of boredom!!" Calvin said.

"Oh, you're making that up," Hobbes yawned, rolling over.

"I am not! It was all over the news! You know how smart those Denver people are! They're millions of years ahead of everyone else in scientific discoveries!!" Calvin exclaimed.

"We're here," Dad grumbled, pulling up into the driveway of the canoe rental place.

Calvin looked out the window.

"What?" He asked, looking around the general vicinity. "Oh... hey, we're here."

Calvin's complaints of being bored paused just long enough for Mom and Dad to rent a canoe and to get into the water.

"My feet hurt!" Calvin groaned as Mom and Dad rowed towards the island.

"Calvin, please stop griping," Mom said, glaring at him.

"Stop griping?!" Calvin demanded. "I'm bored out my mind, and wet and miserable, I'm about to _continue _being bored out of my mind for the rest of the week, and you want me to stop griping?!"

"In a minute, I'm going to have you get out of the canoe and _swim_ to the island," Dad growled.

"_Dear_," Mom said, sternly.

"Hobbes what do you think about all this?" Calvin demanded, whipping around to Hobbes.

"I'm too busy trying not to get seasick to care," Hobbes said, who was leaning over the side of the boat.

Calvin grumbled, and turned back around.

Finally, after what seemed like hours for Calvin, the canoe reached the island.

"Well, gang, here we are!" Dad said, walking up onto the island. "Our home away from home!"

Mom and Calvin exchanged glances.

"I feel sorry for him," Mom said.

"I don't," Calvin grumbled.

Dad ignored them, and turned around.

"So, who's going to help me set up the tents?" He asked.

There was a moment of silence. Seconds past. In the distance, a squirrel was heard chattering.

"Okay, I can set the tents. I've done it before."

"Sort of," Calvin said.

Dad glared at him, and walked off towards the duffel bags.

He unzipped one of the bags, and began taking the contents out: Several stakes, steel rods and green material.

Dad stared at them for a long moment as they laid in the dirt. He looked up at Calvin and Mom.

They continued to stare at him.

"I'll have this up in no time! Just watch!" Dad proclaimed.

Calvin yawned and Mom's attention began to wander.

Dad spent at least an hour just trying to put up the first tent.

Mom was sitting in a lounge chair reading a novel, silently, Hobbes was pacing back and forth on the beach, and Calvin was laying on his stomach with a stick, drawing in the dirt, clearly bored out of his skull.

Finally, Hobbes came walking up to Calvin.

"Hey, Calvin, do you want to go for a walk?" He asked.

"Does it require me to get up?" Calvin asked, looking up at Hobbes.

Hobbes paused.

"Uuuh... yes," He said.

"Good, let's get the heck out of here," Calvin said, leaping to his feet.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Mom! Me and Hobbes are going for a walk!"

"Don't go too far from the campsite, honey," Mom replied, not looking up from her book.

"What campsite?" Calvin asked.

Mom paused, and looked over at Dad.

He was still trying to get the first tent up.

"Don't go too far from us, honey," Mom said, turning back her book.

"Righto!" Calvin grinned.

And with that, he and Hobbes set off.

"Well, here we are," Hobbes said, as he and Calvin walked through the forest.

"The most miserable place on the planet," Calvin grumbled.

"Oh come now, it's not that bad," Hobbes said, remaining on the positive side. "There are birds singing, the forestry is beautiful, completely untouched by man...."

"The dominant species being mosquitos." Calvin growled, slapping his arm. "Why aren't they bothering you?"

"They can't get through my thick coat," Hobbes said proudly. "I always wondered why humans had such silly pink butt-naked bodies, now I know it's for the poor hungry mosquitos!"

"Oh shut up," Calvin growled, slapping his other arm. "I'm getting eaten alive, here!"

"It kind of makes you wonder, though," Hobbes said, ignoring Calvin. "You're the only species on this planet that wears clothing. It's a horrible substitute for fur. I've tried it myself, and it's just not the same,"

Calvin slapped the back of his neck.

"The only hair you really have on yourself is on you're head, and it doesn't even _begin _to cover all the basic stuff that fur coats provide."

Calvin began slapping his legs up and down.

"Animals know that our hair is precious and dear to us. We make sure it's nice and long and able to keep us warm. You guys on the other hand cut it all the time, put into weird shapes, change its color, constantly use it as food on _Fear Factor_, obsess over what it looks like when you're in public...."

Suddenly, Calvin bolted past Hobbes, screaming frantically, and slapping himself all over his body.

"THEY'RE ALL OVER ME!!!" He shrieked, slapping his ear with one hand and slapping his leg with the other.

"Whoa! Calm down there, Calvin!" Hobbes said, walking up to his companion. "Try taking your mind off of it. Think of something else."

"Like what?!" Calvin growled.

He dropped to the ground, and began rolling around frantically, trying to get the mosquitos off.

Hobbes watched.

"....Like getting out of all that poison ivy for starters." He said.

Calvin stopped rolling around.

His eyes squeezed shut, and his teeth gritted.

"_**I **_**HATE**_** THIS PLACE!!!**_" He screamed, causing some of the trees to shiver.

After using the MTM to heal Calvin's rashes, he and Hobbes made their way back towards the campsite.

Calvin spent the whole time grumbling to himself.

Finally, they made it out of the forest.

Calvin walked right back to where he was before, and dropped to the ground. He picked his stick back up, and continued doodling in the dirt.

Hobbes watched him for a moment, wondering if he actually got anything out of their little hike. He heaved a sigh.

He looked over and saw that Dad had somehow managed to get the first tent up. The door was wide open, and it looked welcoming and warm, compared to where he was, now.

He smiled, and started towards the tent.

Suddenly, he stopped.

He looked around.

Something about the campsite was different.

He looked all around, trying to figure out what it was.

Getting a little worried, Hobbes ran up to Calvin.

"Hey, Calvin!" He said, looking around the campsite.

"What?" Calvin said, grumpily, staring intently at the dirt in front of him, as if it was a map.

"Does something seem different to you?" Hobbes asked, looking around, nervously.

Calvin broke his concentration, and looked around.

"Yes, Hobbes, Dad got the tent up. That's what's different," Calvin said, glaring at the tiger.

"No, there's something else!" Hobbes said, looking around. "Something's missing!"

"Well, how am I supposed to kno...."

Calvin turned around onto his back, and looked out towards the lake.

That's when it dawned on him.

The canoe was gone.

"Hobbes, where'd the boat go?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes looked up.

"The canoe!" He shouted. "I knew something was different!"

Calvin stood up.

"Hey, Dad!" Calvin called, "Did you pull the canoe on shore or something?"

Dad looked up from trying to start a campfire.

"No, why?" He asked.

Calvin paused.

"Oh, no reason," He shrugged, finally.

Mom looked up from her book.

All eyes went to the shore of the lake.

Then, one by one, everyone looked out into the lake.

There was a the canoe. At least a quarter mile away from the shore, getting further away with every second.

Mom's jaw dropped and her sunglasses fell off her face. Hobbes heart nearly stopped. Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head. Dad just stared.

It took about thirty seconds for the cruel reality to sink into everyone's heads. When it did, Mom freaked out.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" She screamed, leaping from her chair. "I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE CIVILIZATION, AGAIN!! I'LL NEVER SEE ANOTHER NEWSPAPER OR A CUP OF COFFEE, AGAIN!!"

"Now, dear, calm down," Dad said, his eyes fixed on the canoe. "Let's look at the positive light to all this,"

"Like...?" Calvin demanded.

"Well," Dad paused. "At least we won't have to listen to people complaining about society, anymore."

Calvin, Hobbes and Mom all stared at him.

Then, Mom spun around, and began racing down towards the lake.

Calvin, Hobbes and Dad all watched as Mom dove into the water and frantically began swimming towards the canoe.

"If you need me, I'll be writing up my will," Calvin said, walking off.

"Yes, and I'm going to get to work on a sign that says, **WARNING: **_Cursed Island. Turn back or die a horrible death like we did._" Hobbes said, walking in the other direction.

Dad gulped.

* * *

It was about thirty minutes later before Mom finally crawled out of the cold lake water and onto dry land.

Dad was sitting on the sand, watching her.

Mom crawled up to him and collapsed from exhaustion, just meters from his bare toes.

"No luck?" Dad asked.

Mom looked up and looked as though she could throttle him.

Dad handed her a towel.

As she dried herself off, Mom stood over him. "Did it never occur to you that water _moves_?" she asked, glaring at him. "Did it never occur to you that a canoe, which is a _boat_, is very _light _in the water?! Did you ever think that you need to make the canoe _heavier _so the water won't _carry it away?!_"

Dad flinched. "Uh…sorry?"

Mom growled like a mad dog.

Dad backed away.

Calvin and Hobbes were watching from nearby.

"Great," Calvin muttered. "A trip I didn't want to take extended indefinitely. Just what I didn't need. Now how the heck am I supposed to occupy my time?!"

Hobbes paused, and then looked down on the ground. He saw a giant stick. He picked it up and waved it around in the air.

"Check this out," he said, showing it to Calvin.

Calvin stared at it in surprise.

"Hey…! Nice-looking stick!" he said.

"Seriously, right?"

"Seriously!"

They stared at it.

"You know, I have an urge to hold that," Calvin said.

"I know. It has that affect on people," Hobbes agreed.

"May I?"

"Please?"

Hobbes handed the stick to Calvin.

Calvin hefted it in his hand for a moment.

"I find this strangely satisfying," he said at last.

"I know," said Hobbes.

"Good balance… Not too barky… Just the right amount of pointy bits… Not bad."

"Man."

"Seriously," said Hobbes, letting out a low whistle.

They continued to stare at the stick.

"You do realize that if I wasn't six-years-old, this wouldn't interest me in the slightest?" Calvin asked.

"Precisely," said Hobbes.

Calvin looked into the woods.

"I'm going to go into the woods for a few hours and swing the stick around," he said. "I've got a feeling it won't break."

Hobbes nodded and went back inside the tent. Then he tossed a spray-can outside.

"Bug spray," he said.

"Check."

Calvin immediately sprayed himself with it.

"I imagine it won't help," he said, putting the cap back on it. "It's like cockroaches and their pathetic excuse for spray. If you spray this stuff, they just hold their noses or go to the house next door for four weeks."

"Yeah," said Hobbes, taking the spray bottle back. "It also said to spray under the sink. I've seen the result. You spray under the sink, and they don't go under the sink. They go up in the cabinet and attack the _Lorna Dunes_."

"And you can't spray the _Lorna Dunes_," said Calvin. "You'll just poison yourself."

And with that, Calvin marched into the woods with his stick, swinging it around.

Hobbes went to take a nap.

* * *

Calvin romped around the woods for about an hour before he finally found a creek that went down a hill.

A fantasy formed in his head.

The hill became a giant mountain slope. The river became a giant treacherous rapid.

Calvin reached over and picked up and broken slab of tree bark and placed on top of the waterfall.

"Trapped on the water planet Clap, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff in under attack by a tribe of insectoid vermin! In a feat of desperation, Spiff creates a makeshift surfboard and prepares to take on the giant rapids of the planet!"

Calvin jumped onto the tree bark and used the stick to shove himself down the slope.

"Our hero slides down the mountain range in Olympic form! Our hero takes to the rapids like paint on a house! He zigs! He zags! He zips and zooms down the slope! Is there no end to his heroic daring-do?!"

Calvin pushed around the creek with his stick.

"Spiff performs exciting jumps and spins that astound and confuse his enemy! Our hero is unbeatable! He amazes all!"

Calvin then reached the bottom.

"The adventurous escapade now must take a new turn! Our hero now must tackle the dense alien jungle to escape the horrors that are this hideous planet!"

Calvin left the creek and using the stick as a machete, he hacked his way through the thick bushes and branches.

"Our hero struggles with the dangers that are possibly awaiting him! Could it be there are three-headed snakes! Or possibly six-legged creatures with two heads and a tongue on their backs?! Maybe even a hideously deformed ugly beast made up of unspeakable horrors and deadly terrors!"

Calvin finally made his way out of the thick forest…

…only to find he had gone in a complete circle and was back at the campsite.

Hobbes was napping, Mom was grumbling and Dad was thinking.

Calvin stared at them in surprise.

"Drat," he muttered.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes sat around on the shoreline watching the sunset.

"There it is, Hobbes," Calvin said.

"What is?" Hobbes asked.

"Hope, civilization, friends, real food… The real necessities."

Hobbes nodded.

"And look at the only thing keeping us from it," he said.

Calvin glanced at the canoe, which was still drifting out in the middle of the lake.

"Stupid piece of carved out balsa wood," he muttered.

The sun finished setting.

They both got up and went inside their tent.

"Mosquito check," Calvin said.

They whipped out a pair of flashlights and searched every nook and cranny of the tent. It looked safe.

Hobbes zipped up the tent.

They rolled out the sleeping bags and crawled inside.

"Do you suppose camping will ever be outlawed by the Geneva Convention?" Calvin asked.

"I doubt they have the power to control such dark matters," Hobbes replied solemnly.

They turned the flashlights off and went to sleep.

**To Be Continued...**


	2. Camping Trip P2

**_FIFTY-SIX YEARS LATER…_**

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting on the shoreline of the island.

The tents had grown worn and had holes in them. An ancient fireplace sat in the middle of the clearing, a line of gray smoke rising into the air. A couple of fishing rods had their lines drawn and bobbed up and down in the water.

Calvin and Hobbes were now a lot more rugged-looking. They both had long gray beards. Calvin's clothes were torn and he was barefoot in the sand. Hobbes' fur was rangier. They had heavy bags under their eyes.

"Hobbes?" Calvin croaked.

"…Yeah?"

"…My butt's falling asleep."

"Mine too."

"Huh. Look. There goes the canoe again."

"Yup."

"You'd think it'd have been seen by now."

"You'd think someone would have _missed _us by now."

They looked over at the futuristic city that had been built around the island.

"I wonder if they finally got around to that Smell-O-Vision we heard so much about," Calvin sighed.

"Probably not," Hobbes said. "Just because Apple was able to chuck out iPods, iTunes and iPhones so quickly don't mean anything."

"iPhones just seemed frustrating to me, anyway."

They paused.

Then one of the fishing lines moved.

"Oop! We got something!" said Calvin, getting up.

They both ran over and reeled in the catch, revealing it to only be a tire.

"Wow," said Calvin. "A Michelin Radial."

"Nice," said Hobbes. "We haven't eaten Mexican for a few weeks now."

"That's what we're calling it now? Mexican?"

Then they heard a noise behind them.

"Uh-oh," said Hobbes. "Looks like the Creatures are back."

"Quick! Run!"

"Calvin, they hunt by scent!"

"Then get out of their reach! Into the trees! HURRY!"

They quickly started to run towards a tree, only to come face to face with the Creatures.

Mom and Dad stumbled out of the jungle, beaten, weary and sweaty.

"Hey, Calvin!" Dad said, half-crazed. "Isn't this great how we're building character out here in the _wilderness_? HA, HA, HA!"

Calvin stared at them for a long time.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!_**" he screeched.

Calvin looked around and found himself back in the tent. He immediately checked his face. It was hairless. He checked Hobbes.

Hobbes was still snoring away in his sleeping bag.

Calvin moaned.

"I'm going to die…," he sighed, collapsing back into his pillow.

* * *

The next morning, Dad was up bright and early, and he was looking out over the lake.

"Ah, what a great morning!" he said cheerfully. "The birds, the mist, the lake, the—"

Calvin suddenly left his tent. He looked bleary-eyed, and his hair was a mess.

"…the wildlife," Dad finished, looking at this son. "Sleep well, Calvin?"

"_You_ try sleeping in the tent with a rock under it, and then we'll talk," Calvin snapped.

"Uh-huh. So, you want to try some fishing?"

Calvin glared at him.

"Dad, how can you think of fishing when we're in a life and death situation?!"

"Calvin, you should appreciate the time we have here! Look at this! Out amongst the wild, living on the ground, cooking our food over a fire…"

"Getting bug bites, having diarrhea with no place to put it…," Calvin added.

"Oh stop it," Dad grumbled, tossing him a fishing rod.

Calvin grumbled and picked it up.

"Okay, Calvin, I'm going to teach you how to cast!"

"I hope you mean hiring actors to replace us here on this island."

Dad ignored him.

"We're going to use these new fishing rods I bought for the trip!" he said.

"Money that could've been used to buy us a better trip, I'd imagine," Calvin snorted.

"Okay, what you want to do is flip back your winder, keep your thumb on the line, cast forward with a firm flowing motion, release your thumb, and let her go!" he said, going through the motions and getting his line in the water.

Calvin stared at him, and then tried to do it with his own pole.

"Okay, I think I got it," he said, going through the motions. "I flip back the winder, keep my thumb on the line, cast forward with a firm flowing motion, release my thumb and let her go."

When he "let her go", the fishing rod slid out of Calvin's hands and flew over the lake and landed in the water.

_SPLOOSH!_

Calvin and Dad stared at the rod floating in the lake.

Dad looked down and glared at Calvin.

"Can I go back to bed now?" Calvin asked, clearly more annoyed than his father.

Dad rolled his eyes.

* * *

Later that afternoon, everyone was gathered around the campsite, sitting on logs.

Everyone was holding a can and was eating out of it.

They were all labeled _SPAM_.

"Anyone here mind telling me why we have this every time we go camping?" he demanded.

"It's nutritious and filling," said Dad.

"Then why do I always feel like throwing up after I've eaten a can?"

Calvin finally slammed the half-full can on the ground and stomped back into the woods.

"HOBBES?!" he shouted. "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

There was no reply.

Calvin failed to notice a pair of yellow eyes behind him.

"HOBBES, YOU GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! I'M BORED AND DEMAND COMPANIONSHIP!!"

There was still no reply.

Calvin looked around.

There was a rustling in the bushes.

Calvin whipped around in surprise and felt a cold shiver go up his spine.

"He…hello…?" he asked nervously.

No one replied.

Calvin moved cautiously forward into the woods. He didn't notice how the bushes shifted slightly as he moved on.

Finally, Calvin reached a small clearing.

_SNAP!_

He whipped around at the sound of twig snapping.

"…_Hobbes_…?" he croaked.

"**_ROAR!!_**"

_WHAM!_

Calvin was attacked from behind by Hobbes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHH!!" Calvin screamed.

They wrestled and toppled and rolled through the woods, crashing into trees and pushing through bushes.

Finally, they came to a stop in the middle of a small clearing.

Hobbes got off of him.

"Oh, sorry," he said, dusting himself off. "I thought you were a small woodchuck."

"**_YOU KNEW DARN WELL IT WAS ME!!_**" Calvin roared.

Hobbes laughed and chuckled as he immediately turned around and high-tailed it through the woods. Calvin growled and snarled and promptly chased after him.

They ran through the brush, pushing aside bushes and low branches as they chased each other around, until finally, Hobbes started climbing up a tree at immaculate speed.

Calvin stood at the base of the tree, glaring up at him.

"GET DOWN FROM THERE!" he shouted.

"What's the password?" Hobbes asked sweetly.

Calvin stared at him.

"THIS ISN'T THE TREEHOUSE! GET DOWN HERE!"

"Say the password, and I'll consider it."

Calvin growled angrily.

"_Tigers are wonderful. Tigers are swift. Tigers can give your spirits a lift. Tigers are smooth. Tigers are cool. Tigers most definitely have the way to rule. Tigers are tough. Tigers are strong. Tigers were portrayed by Disney quite wrong._"

There was a pause.

"Well? Are you coming down or not?!" Calvin demanded.

"I lied. I'm not coming down."

"YOU MADE ME SAY THE PASSWORD! NOW GET _DOWN HERE!_"

"I just wanted to see if you could remember it!" said Hobbes.

Calvin finally snapped.

"FINE!! IF YOU WON'T COME DOWN, I'LL JUST COME UP!!"

Calvin immediately started shimmying up the tree.

Hobbes watched with much amusement.

Finally, Calvin made his way to the top.

"HA!" he said triumphantly. "I've foiled your little plan! What do say to that?!"

Hobbes responded by jumping from the branch of that tree onto the branch of another tree.

Calvin stared at him with his mouth agape. Then he growled.

"So that's how you wanna play it, huh?" he grunted.

Hobbes merely smiled sweetly.

Calvin backed up a ways on his own branch. Then he charged forward and jumped off the end of it towards Hobbes.

"HA-_HA!_" he whooped as flew.

He missed.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!_"

Hobbes caught him by the seat of his pants with one claw and pulled him back onto the branch.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhh…," Calvin said, looking around.

There was a pause.

"You think you're so darn clever," Calvin grumbled.

Hobbes merely nodded.

They looked out across the forest.

"It's like one of those paintings on TV," Calvin commented.

"Yeah," said Hobbes. "It's big."

"Yeah… _Really _big."

"There just doesn't isn't a _single word_ that can describe the _vastness_ of the world…or the universe for that matter."

Calvin thought for a moment.

"_Hugeoppotamousness_," he said.

"That's not a word."

"Exactly."

They watched as the sun started to go down.

"Where does the sun go when it sets?" Calvin asked.

"Backstage for a massage and a nightcap," Hobbes replied.

Calvin smirked.

"Yeah, he earned it."

* * *

Mom and Dad were sitting on the beach.

Mom was struggling to eat her spam, while Dad was still trying to use the fishing rod to catch dinner.

Calvin finally showed up with Hobbes draped over his shoulder.

"So, how is everyone?" he asked.

Dad grunted and Mom merely clutched her stomach.

"You okay?" Calvin asked.

Mom held up the spam can to his face, holding her mouth shut.

"Ah."

"**_URP!_**" she belched and she ran off, dropping the can.

Calvin rolled his eyes and walked over to Dad.

"How goes it, Gilligan?" he asked sarcastically.

Dad glared.

"I _liked _that show," he snorted.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"How goes the water-based life form catching?" he continued.

"Fine," Dad said stubbornly. "Sure, I've been sitting here for nearly three and a half hours, but I'm sure the fish will bite at some point!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, sure," he said. "Hobbes and I are going to bed early."

He headed for the tent.

Dad grumbled and sat there, his butt planted firmly in the sand.

Calvin and Hobbes entered the tent and sat down on the sleeping bags.

"So this is where it ends?" Hobbes asked. "Not in giant heroic alien invasion, but on a rock in the middle of a lake?"

"Sadly," Calvin replied. "You have to appreciate the bitter irony of it all. After all the evils we've faced, what does us in is starvation on an island."

"We can't stay here forever!" Hobbes complained. "What if _Red Dwarf: the Movie _comes out while we're trapped here?!"

"Pfft! As if," Calvin snorted, rolling his eyes. "I'm more concerned about our house being robbed while we're gone and someone makes off with my entire room!"

"Yes, after all, every crook in the world would want to make off with your entire supply of comic books," Hobbes sighed, rolling his eyes. "How are we for food?"

Calvin picked up a list he'd made the day before.

"Let's see…," he said, squinting at his own bad handwriting. "We've got half a bag of chips, a can of mustard, a browning lemon, three stale biscuits, two bottles of milk a day after their expiration dates, and a tube of gum ointment."

Hobbes looked up.

"Gum ointment?!" he asked, looking thoroughly disgusted.

"Dad had it in the first-aid kit. I tried some. It's minty. Pretty good stuff."

Hobbes grimaced.

"Anything else?"

"Just three more cans of spam…," Calvin said. Then he looked up. "Oh, and I found a can of dog food in the bottom of the bag, for some reason."

Hobbes hissed his misery through gritted teeth.

"Well, it's obvious what'll get eaten last, isn't it?" he sighed after a pause. "I can't _stand_ spam! I just hope your dad catches something."

"Don't worry," Calvin replied. "I've got _tire_ on the list with a question mark next to it."

Hobbes sighed again.

It seemed like a good day to sigh.

* * *

That night, Calvin and Hobbes slept in the sleeping bags.

Calvin slept more soundly tonight, but Hobbes was twitching in his sleep.

"…Zzzzzz…SNRK…zzzz…**_GGRRRROWL_**…"

Calvin woke up with start.

"Huh?! Wha…?" he asked.

Then he noticed Hobbes. The tiger was writhing in his sleeping bag.

"**_RRRRR_**_…ZZZ—_**ROAR!**—…_zzz…_"

Calvin was getting scared. He checked his watch with a flashlight.

" 3:49 AM," he muttered.

He tried to wake Hobbes by shining the light in his face.

Hobbes' eyes squinted, but he stayed asleep.

"**_GGGRRRROOOOWLL! MMRRREEEEOOOWW!_**"

Calvin jumped back in surprise.

"Hobbes, wake up! You're dreaming again!"

Hobbes suddenly growled and swiped at the air and tossed in his sleep.

Fearing for his life, Calvin unzipped the tent and fled from it in terror. He watched from a safe distance as Hobbes continued to toss and turn.

Sighing, Calvin decided to just sleep in the sand that night.

"Just my luck I get the one roommate who treats sleep like his mortal enemy that he must do battle with every night," he muttered, and he snuggled up on the beach.

* * *

The next morning, Calvin was up early enough that he could get back into the tent before Dad exited his.

Dad immediately went to his fishing rod, and resumed the position of the previous day. He was sitting cross-legged with his trademark fishing hat and fishing vest on his person, and a tackle box to his left. He still looked bleary-eyed, but he also looked determined, with just a dash of craziness.

He sat there for the good part of four hours before the rest of the family finally woke up.

Mom pulled out a canteen with their ever-precious supply of clean tap water. They'd have this until they were forced to take drastic measures and actually use water from the lake.

Calvin had changed back into his natural attire and was wandering over towards her. She handed him the water, letting him take a gulp from it.

Hobbes also exited the tent, and he simply sat outside it at the entrance. He sat there, looking like he hadn't eaten in years, when in fact it had only been twelve hours, and that's only because he'd slept straight through the night.

The entire family looked like the "before" part of a "before / after" picture. Or maybe they were the "after". It would depend what they were advertising.

They all sat on the beach in perfect silence before they noticed something odd had happened. It wasn't one of those things you'd notice right away, so it was perfectly understandable that they didn't notice the minute it happened. To their credit, in fact, it wasn't until six minutes after it happened that they realized it.

Dad had tipped over and fallen asleep.

Naturally, no one went to check on him. After all, it was his fault this happened, so they just went on with what they were doing.

Finally, though, Calvin grew curious, and he went over to see to his exhausted father. He gently removed the fishing rod from the poor man's hands and took it aside, and promptly began to reel it in.

The minute he was done, however, he saw something not too far away.

It was the canoe, which had by drifted around in the island in a complete circle.

"How far away do you think it is?" Hobbes asked, walking beside him.

"Probably a quarter of a mile," Calvin sighed.

Then he had an idea.

He immediately ran back to the tents and looked through Dad's duffel bag. He dug through the cans of spam and whatnot, and finally found what he desired. It was a piece of paper containing information about the fishing rod.

"I knew it!" he said. "Dad said it was a new fishing rod, so it only stands to reason that this would be here!"

"What do you need from it?" Hobbes asked.

"Found it! It says the rod has 1320 feet of fishing line! That's a quarter of a mile, isn't it?"

"So?"

Calvin didn't answer. He was running his brain full pelt. He checked their surroundings and then he saw the next item on his mental list.

It was a tree that was stretched out into the air. He figured it was the tallest one on the shoreline.

"Okay!" he said. "Grab the rod and follow me!"

Calvin promptly ran towards the tree.

Hobbes looked confused, but complied with the request.

Running as fast as they could, Calvin immediately started climbing tree. Hobbes climbed up right behind him.

Soon, they had reached the top.

"Whoa," said Hobbes. "I think I can see our house from here! And look! The mail is just _piling_!"

Calvin glared at him.

"Are you quite finished being lame?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now hold my waist."

Hobbes held onto the tree with one set of claws, and then he held onto Calvin with his paw.

Calvin then proceeded to aim the rod.

"Okay…," he muttered, squinting his eyes. "How did Dad say to do it…?"

He went through the motions.

"I flip back the winder, keep my thumb on the line, cast forward with a firm flowing motion, release the thumb, and let her go!" he said.

This time, however, the rod stayed in his hand, and the line went flying through the air and sailed straight towards his target.

Calvin and Hobbes held their breath as it flew through the air and into the canoe.

It landed inside it.

Calvin closed his eyes tight and proceeded to reel it back.

The hook latched onto the tip of the canoe and began to bring it back with it.

"It…It worked!" Hobbes gasped, looking shocked.

Calvin cautiously opened one eye, and he stared out at the lake.

Slowly but surely, he was reeling the boat back to the shore.

"YES!" Calvin cheered.

As he continued to reel it back towards them, Hobbes helped him to proceed in climbing down the tree.

"It's coming! We're saved!" Calvin cried.

Then there was trouble.

Not to long after they touched ground below the tree, the canoe became jammed on something, and Calvin couldn't get it to come any closer.

"WHAT?! _NO!_" Calvin shrieked, running forward with the rod.

Dad woke up with a start, and Mom stuck her head out of the tent.

"What's going on?" Mom asked.

"THE BOAT'S STUCK! I CAN'T GET IT TO COME!"

They all looked and saw the fishing line stuck in the boat's nose, and it was clearly wedged on something.

Mom sighed.

"Well, it was a good try," she said, patting him on the back.

Dad grumbled.

"Yeah, and now we don't have a fishing rod to catch dinner," he snorted.

Calvin panicked for a good thirty seconds before he remembered something. Handing the fishing rod to Mom, he whipped around and kicked his way through some bushes and charged back through the brush.

"Calvin?!" Mom asked.

Calvin didn't listen. He pushed and shoved, clawing his way through the wilderness of the dismal island. He had come so far, and he wasn't going to turn back now.

Finally, he reached his destination. He'd found the creek on the slope. At the bottom, just where he'd left it, was the tree bark he'd used to slide down the slope. Running around the creek, he was able to scoop it up and run back the way he came.

When he returned with it, he ignored protests from Hobbes, Mom and Dad, and dove back into the tent, returning minutes later with the great stick he and Hobbes had found.

Placing the bark under his stomach and the stick at his side, Calvin ran forward and dove onto the lake, using the bark slab as a boogie board. He then used the stick as a paddle, and he paddled his way towards the canoe.

"CALVIN, BE CAREFUL!" Mom shouted.

"YOU CAN DO IT!" Hobbes called.

"DON'T LOSE THE FISHING ROD!" Dad added.

Mom and Hobbes glared at him.

Calvin kept paddling and paddling. It was slow going. In fact, it was fifteen minutes later before he was even halfway there.

At one point, he looked up at the sky.

"Whatever you do," he said to the clouds, "don't be ironical. If you didn't want me to succeed, you should've made me miss when I cast that line. It's too late now."

He continued paddling despite the strain. It was a long morning as he kept going.

Soon, about ten minutes before noon, he reached canoe.

Gasping with relief, he unhooked it from the fishing rod, but he didn't let it go. He hooked it to his belt loop.

Then he proceeded to get the canoe off the rock. It took fifteen more minutes to shift it, but he finally got it around the rock. Then as an extra precaution, he took the stick and jammed it into the rock to mark the spot so it wouldn't happen again.

Then he left behind the bark and climbed into the canoe. He was exhausted, but he still had a job to do. He saw that Mom was still holding the fishing rod. He gave the hook he was holding a tug, and he was promptly being towed back to the shore. Satisfied, he collapsed from the exhaustion of using up his entire morning to get a boat back.

About fifteen minutes later, Mom and Dad had finally reeled Calvin back to the shoreline.

Tired but triumphant, Calvin climbed out and onto the beach, and made sure they pushed the canoe safely onto the shore.

Mom immediately hugged him.

"Oh, sweetie, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, _THANK YOU_!" she gasped.

"Sure thing, Mom," Calvin said, gasping for air. "Can we go home now?"

"What?!" Dad protested. "But we haven't stayed for the full week yet!"

He was met by two homicidal glares.

"I'll start packing!" Dad said, rushing away.

Mom went to join him.

Hobbes approached Calvin.

"Nice job out there," he said.

"Uh-huh," said Calvin, still gasping.

"…Are you okay?" Hobbes asked.

"Hobbes…?"

"Yeah?"

"Which arm is it that starts hurting at the first sign of a heart attack?"

"Why?"

"Time's a factor here, Hobbes!"

* * *

Soon, they were all paddling their way back to shore.

They went past the stick Calvin had plugged into the rock.

Calvin reached out and grabbed it.

"What do you want that for?" Dad asked.

Calvin stared at him as if he'd lost his mind.

"Dad, it's a _stick_! You don't just ditch a _stick_!" he said indignantly.

Dad rolled his eyes.

* * *

A few minutes later, they were getting in the car.

But Mom got in the driver's seat.

"Dear, what are you doing?" Dad asked.

"We're going to go somewhere _I _want to go on the way," she said, looking slightly crazed.

"Where?"

"Just get in the car."

"But dear—"

"GET IN THE CAR!!" everyone shouted.

Dad immediately got in the passenger's seat.

Mom shifted the car into reverse and drove them away from the deathtrap that is an island.

* * *

About an hour later, the four of them were seated in a booth at a restaurant.

Dirty dishes were piled on their table, and Mom, Calvin and Hobbes were eating the only real food they had eaten in days.

Mom had already eaten until her stomach swelled up so large her buttons popped off, and she was showing no signs of stopping.

"Uh, dear…?" Dad asked meekly. "How much is this going to cost us?"

"It doesn't matter," Mom replied, eating a chicken leg and clutching her stomach. "This is your way of saying you're sorry."

"It is?" Dad asked nervously.

"Yes, and we're thinking about accepting your apology."

"I see."

Calvin and Hobbes were eating pie and drinking soda side-by-side.

"If you ask my opinion…," Calvin said between bites of his chocolate pie, "…it would've been cheaper to make me a child star."

"Indeed," Hobbes agreed. "Now enough chit-chat and pass the lemonade pitcher."

Calvin handed him the pitcher of lemonade, and Hobbes immediately began to chug it.

**The End**

**Voice Work****:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin / Spaceman Spiff**  
Tom Hanks: **Hobbes**  
Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom**  
Bill Murray: **Dad

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Dad


	3. Dad

**Summary: **Calvin and Dr Brainstorm's Dads begin thinking they need to spend more time with their sons. Interestingly enough, it doesn't go well.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Dad**

Saturday morning was beginning in the Calvin and Hobbes household. Calvin greeted it in the usual way.

His eyes slowly fluttered open, and he looked around the room.

His eyes fell on the alarm clock on the desk beside him.

9:23AM

His eyes burst wide open and he shot straight up in bed.

"WE SLEPT IN!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Hobbes was immediately jolted out of sleep by Calvin's sudden outburst, and sprung into the air.

"What... what?!" he grumbled, looking around, wide-eyed.

"IT'S NINE THIRTY!!" Calvin screamed, whipping around to Hobbes. "WE'RE MISSING SPONGEBOB!!"

That got Hobbes' attention.

His eyes flew wide open, and he was out of bed in an instant.

Calvin followed suit, and frantically threw his pajamas off, and began putting his regular attire on, trying to get down the stairs at the same time.

He stumbled down the stairs, managing to get dressed in the process, and flew over to where Hobbes was already sitting on the couch with the remote.

Calvin frantically switched the TV on and turned it to Nickelodeon.

Spongebob wasn't on. It was a rerun of that Kid's Choice Awards special.

For a few seconds Calvin and Hobbes stared at the screen while the host went through a list of nominees for some random award.

"The nominees are..." He said, reading off a piece of paper. "Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy, Danny Phantom, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Sabrina: The Teenaged Witch and The Simpsons,"

He pulled out another piece of paper.

"And the winner is...."

Calvin suddenly pushed the 'channel up' button, and the TV switched over to Boomerang.

Hobbes sighed.

"I knew you were going to do that," He mumbled.

Calvin grinned innocently, and took the TV guide from the desk.

"Let's see what we have for today," He said, scanning the schedule. "Looks like Spongebob's been delayed until ten o'clock, but it also looks like we can catch the last half hour of Garfield and Friends on Cartoon Network!"

"Sounds like a plan," Hobbes said. "What should we do after Spongebob?"

"There's a big Doctor Who marathon on BBC America, so we can just watch that until something else of interest comes on Nickelodeon."

"Sounds good. Let us begin the brain rot!"

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes turned, and started staring, vacantly at the TV.

This went on for a good minute and a half.

Suddenly, Dad walked up and stopped by the televison set, staring at Calvin with his hands on his hips.

Calvin seemed to not notice him.

Dad sighed, and reached up and turned the TV off.

Calvin snapped out of the trance he was in and his eyes burst open.

"HEY!" He yelled, angrily. "I was watching that!!"

"Calvin, you and I haven't been spending much time together, recently." Dad said, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, I've been busy saving alien planets from deadly invasions," Calvin grumbled.

"Uh huh," Dad said, rolling his eyes. "But, the point is that we need to spend more time together, so I'm declaring today Father / Son day!"

"Dad, I'd love to play the 'quality time' game with you, today, but the MTM accidently ripped a hole open in the fabric of reality last night, and I need to find a way to seal it up before the interdimensional leakage starts. Once that energy starts flowing into our reality it could create a black hole strong enough to swallow the entire universe!"

"Well, your just going to have to do that later," Dad said, putting a hand on Calvin's shoulder.

"What could we possibly do that is more important than saving our plain of reality?" Calvin demanded.

Dad handed Calvin a bicycle helmet.

Calvin stared at it for a long moment.

He looked back up at his father.

"Am I in trouble for something?" He asked. "Because if I am, than I'm really sorry and..."

"Come on," Dad sighed, taking Calvin by the hand and leading him out.

Realizing he wasn't going to get out of this, Calvin whipped around to Hobbes, who was still watching the TV.

"Hobbes, go seal up that hole!" He ordered, as his father led him away. "MTM will tell you what to do!"

"OK," Hobbes said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

Calvin complained to himself as his Dad lead him outside.

* * *

Meanwhile in Yellowstone, Dr Brainstorm and Jack were enjoying the day off. Brainstorm had decided to take a break from blowing up parts of the lab trying to take over the world, and Jack had decided to..... Well, it wasn't very much of a change for Jack, except he didn't need to get up and save Brainstorm every few minutes.

The two were sitting on the big couch in the main lab, watching TV on the monitor before them.

"I still think Danny Phantom should have won," Brainstorm said, glaring at the TV.

Jack rolled his eyes, looking up from his magazine long enough to see what Brainstorm had changed the channel to.

"Ah, what a great day this going to be," Brainstorm sighed, leaning back into the couch. "No explosions, no frustration, no major screw ups, just relaxation and resting,"

"Yep," Jack nodded, taking a sip from a bottle of lemonade.

"Do you know what make this day even better?" Brainstorm yelled, suddenly leaping up.

"Hmmmm?" Jack asked, looking up.

"Root beer!" Brainstorm declared, running into the kitchen.

"Sure, I'll have a glass," Jack said, expressionlessly, gulping down the rest of his lemonade and throwing the bottle aside.

There was a pause, as Jack continued to stare blankly at his magazine. Suddenly, a red light on the console started flashing.

The robot looked up.

"Hey, Frank, we're getting call," Jack called to Brainstorm in the kitchen.

"DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!! And would you get it for me? I'm busy pouring the root beer!!"

Jack rolled his eyes, and reached over and pushed a button on the console.

The screen changed from The Kids Choice Awards Special to something else. Something else made Jack snap to attention.

Mother Brainstorm. She evidently had just woken up. She was wearing curlers and a bathrobe and only had half of her makeup on. It was an odd sight.

"WHERE'S FRANKLIN?!?!" The insane woman screeched looking around the lab, frantically.

"He's in the kitchen," Jack yawned. "Would you like me fetch him for you?"

"PLEASE DO!!!" Mother Brainstorm shrieked. "AND HURRY FIRST CHANCE YOU GET!!!"

"Righto," Jack nodded. "Hey, Frank, your mother's calling,"

Silence followed this statement.

"Frank?" Jack asked, looking up.

No reply.

"Frank, your mother wants to talk to you," Jack sighed.

Nothing.

"FRANKLIN!!! GET IN HERE!!!!" Mother Brainstorm roared.

"Yes, mommy!" Brainstorm whimpered, rushing into the main lab.

"IT'S ABOUT TIME!!" Brainstorm's mother screamed. "YOU ALWAYS LATE TO EVERYTHING!!! WHY DON'T YOU EVER TRY BE ON TIME FOR ONCE?!?! I REMEMBER THE DAY WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THAT.... HEY!! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT EYE CONTACT?!?!"

"Sorry, mommy," Brainstorm whined, looking up at his mother.

"THAT'S BETTER!!!! I CALLED TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR FATHER'S COMING OVER TO VISIT!!!"

"What?!" Brainstorm yelled, perking up. "But... but he can't!"

"WELL HE IS!!" Mother Brainstorm shot back. "HE SAYS HE HASN'T SPENT ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU, LATELY SO DEAL WITH IT!!!"

And with that, the screen went back to Nickelodeon.

For several seconds Brainstorm was silent.

Then, he turned to Jack.

"WHY DID YOU ANSWER IT?!?!" He demanded.

"You told me to," Jack said.

"DIDN'T YOU CHECK THE CALLER ID?!"

"Yes," Jack nodded.

"WELL THEN, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS MY MOTHER?!?!"

"You didn't ask," Jack replied.

"RRRRRRGH!!" Brainstorm growled, whipping around, and marching back into the kitchen.

Jack shrugged and turned back to the TV.

Suddenly, the sound of a doorbell rang out through the lab.

DING DONG!!

"Oh NO!!!" Brainstorm wailed. "WHY DID SHE CALL RIGHT BEFORE HE GOT HERE?!?!"

Jack shrugged, and pulled out another bottle of lemonade.

Brainstorm rushed back into the main lab.

"THIS PLACE IS A MESS AND MY FATHER IS HERE!!!" He cried.

"Yep," Jack nodded.

"IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!"

"Nope,"

DING DONG!!!

"GO OPEN THE DOOR, JACK!!!" Brainstorm ordered.

"Whatever," Jack sighed, getting up, and walking over to the console.

He pushed a button on it, and sat back down.

There was a rumbling in the next room, signaling the metal doors had opened up. The sound of footsteps echoed through the lab, and then Father Brainstorm entered.

* * *

Meanwhile, things were not going well for Calvin and his father.

Dad was trying to teach Calvin to balance on his bicycle, but as predicted, the bicycle wasn't behaving.

"There, good job, Calvin, you're balancing," Dad said, one hand on either side of Calvin in case he fell. "You're doing good!"

"Dad, don't let go!!" Calvin cried. "It'll will kill me if you let go!!"

"The bicycle's not going to kill you, Calvin," Dad said, rolling his eyes. "Just concentrate on balancing. You're doing good. Now, just...."

Suddenly the started growling, unheard by Dad of course, and it bucked forward, flinging Calvin off of it.

"AAAUGH!!!" Calvin screamed, flying forward and slamming into a tree.

CRASH!!!

Dad stared at him.

"SEE?!?" He screamed, jabbing a finger at the bike. "That bike is insane!! It tried to kill me!! You saw it!! GET THE GUN AND SHOOT IT!!!"

"Oh knock it off, Calvin," Dad sighed. "You just need some practice. Here, let me show you."

He mounted his own bicycle, and snapped his helmet in place.

Then he put his feet on the pedals, and started moving forward.

"There you see?" He said, steering the bike over to Calvin and stopping. "It's just trying to learn to balance. And you know, once you learn to ride a bicycle you never forget."

"Yeah, but by the time I do learn to ride it, you've forgotten everything else about your life, because you've been bucked off it so many times!!!" Calvin wailed.

"It's not bucking you off, Calvin," Dad sighed. "Come on, just give it another go. And think of all the fun you'll have once you learn how to ride it."

"Just think of all the emergency room visits you'll have to pay for in the process it takes me to learn to ride it!" Calvin spat.

"Uh huh," Dad said, rolling his eyes. "Now come on, let's give it a go,"

Dad got off his bike and helped Calvin onto his own.

"Now let's go!" Dad shouted, pedaling forward towards the road.

Calvin paused, looking down at his bike.

Suddenly, it started following Dad's bike. On its own.

"DAD!!" Calvin screamed, starting to panic. "WHERE'S IT TAKING ME?!?"

Dad rolled his eyes, and didn't answer.

"HELP!! I'M BEING KIDNAPED BY MY BICYCLE!!!" Calvin wailed. "MY LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE MY EYES!!"

"Calvin," Dad said, looking back behind his shoulder.

Suddenly, Dad hit a rock on the road, causing him to jump.

"WHOA!!" He yelled, as the bicycle flew out of control and into the ditch.

Calvin's bike complied, and followed Dad into the ditch.

_**CRASH!! K-K-K-K-SSSHHHH!!!**_

There was a moment of silence, while Calvin and Dad laid in the grass next to their now broken bicycles.

"The bike planned this," Calvin said, finally.

Dad glared at Calvin.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes had wandered back up to Calvin's room, where the MTM was apparently waiting.

"Hey, Hobbes," MTM called.

"Yes?" Hobbes asked, picking up a comic book and sitting down.

"Where's Calvin?"

"What? Oh, him and his dad are spending quality time with each other,"

There was a pause.

"Huh," MTM said. "What a pity,"

"Yeah," Hobbes nodded.

"Well, we were supposed to close up that hole in reality, but since he's busy at the moment..."

"Oh, no, he said I should take over that duty," Hobbes said. "He told me you'd know what to do?"

"Hmm? Oh, I suppose I would," MTM said. "Did he tell you the whole story?"

"No, what happened?" Hobbes asking, putting the comic away.

"Well," MTM began. "he was trying to install a special feature into me that would allow me to travel through time into different universes, but it didn't go through splendidly as he tried to splice the time vortex and an interdimensional portal, together. The two forms of energy combined ripped a hole open in time and space."

"A black hole?" Hobbes asked.

"Sort of," MTM explained. "It's not that strong right now and basically it's invisible. Right now it's just slowly eating up light, air and time. That's why he had the window open last night. So we didn't run out of air."

"Why didn't Calvin tell me this?" Hobbes demanded.

"He didn't think you would notice it," MTM replied.

Hobbes' eyes slammed shut.

"Anyway, my sensors indicate that it's getting stronger and stronger, and if we put off closing it up, the whole universe just might get sucked into it." MTM said.

"Okay, you've got my attention," Hobbes said. "Where is it and how do we close it?"

"It's right beside your head," MTM said, calmly.

"YAAAAAUGH!!" Hobbes screamed, flying off the bed and into the closet.

"Oh, quit being such a ninny," MTM said. "You didn't even notice it,"

"THERE WAS A BLACK HOLE NEXT TO MY HEAD AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!" Hobbes hollered, climbing out of the closet.

"Technically, it's not a black hole, yet," MTM said. "We have until 10:07 tonight until it turns into a black hole.

"All of last night I was sleeping next to a rip in reality?" Hobbes demanded.

"That would be the simple way of putting it, yes," MTM replied.

"Well, thanks for the info, MTM," Hobbes moaned. "I thought I felt my hair standing up, last night,"

"Good, then, now that we know about it, let's try and close it up, shall we?"

"Fine," Hobbes grumbled "What do I do?"

"Well, just hold on a minute," MTM said. "I'm going to fill the room with an dimensional decoder so you can see it,"

The tiny machine began beeping, slowly at first then it started getting faster and faster until it was one long beep. Suddenly, it just stopped.

Hobbes blinked.

_FOOOM!!_

Suddenly, the air above Calvin's bed tore open, and a bright purple rip about three feet long and seven inches tall appeared in midair. It was glowing bright yellow, and Hobbes could see dandruff and such being sucked inside it.

"There we go," MTM said, sounding like he was nodding.

Hobbes stared at it in shock.

He could see that the space and air around the rip itself were being contracted and sucked into the it.

"Yeah, there we go, MTM. I'm even more terrified than before!" Hobbes groaned.

"Oh, come off it, it's completely harmless," MTM said. "We just have to close it up before ten o'clock or we'll all die, terribly."

"I feel a lot better," Hobbes growled.

"Good, then let's get to work," MTM said.

Hobbes slowly circled the rip in reality.

From the illusion that it created, it appeared to turn along with Hobbes, as he walked over to the MTM.

"Let's begin the experimentation," MTM said, cheerfully.

"WHAT?!?!?" Hobbes screamed, whipping around to the CD player. "You mean you don't know how to close this thing?!?"

"Hold me up to the rip and let me see if I can shut it off with my electric blast," MTM said, ignoring Hobbes' outburst.

Hobbes moaned and picked the MTM up.

He aimed the CD player at the purple hole, turned his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

_ZZZZZZZT!!!_

A bolt of lightning shot from the MTM's tip and struck the hole.

The yellow energy was absorbed into it, and had no effect.

"Hmmm, that didn't work," MTM said.

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Wait, I have another idea," MTM said. "Let me try this."

There was a flash of light, and the manipulator arms extended from the tip of the CD player.

MTM took hold of both ends of the rip, and began pulling them together.

Hobbes' mouth dropped in shock.

"What makes you think this is going to work?!" He cried.

"Just hold on a mo," MTM grunted, trying to close the rip with his mechanical arms.

This went on for several seconds to no avail. Suddenly, the manipulator arms slipped, and green electricity flung itself from the sides of the hole, and throwing Hobbes and the MTM back

ZZZZZT!!!

"ACK!"

The tiger and MTM went flying backwards, and crashed into the wall.

CRASH!!

There was a pause.

"Hmmm, that didn't work, either," MTM considered, thoughtfully.

Hobbes glared at the CD player.

* * *

Father Brainstorm looked significantly different from the rest of the Brainstorm family. His hair, instead of standing up in the usual crazy style, was slicked back and was a bright green color. He was a rather skinny man, but wore just about the same attire that Frank wore: lab coat, black shirt underneath, black pants, brown sneakers and green gloves.

He walked into the main lab with a goofy grin plastered all over his face.

"FRANK!!" He shouted, in a somewhat squeaky voice. "It's good to see you!!"

He held out his arms, and ran over to Frank.

"Hi, Dad," Brainstorm grumbled. "I'm glad you could.... OOF!!"

Father Brainstorm immediately slammed into Frank, knocking the wind out of him, embracing him with a giant bear hug.

"Good to see you, too, son!" Mr Brainstorm said, warmly, holding tightly to his son.

Jack stared at Brainstorm's father in shock.

"Wait a minute," He began. "Aren't you going to yell at him for something? Aren't you going to scream at him for never coming to visit you?"

"Why of course not!" Father Brainstorm said, letting go of Frank. "My son's very busy! I know he doesn't have time to come see me when there's a world to take over!"

Jack paused.

"...I see..." He began.

"That must be your robot assistant, Frank!!" Father Brainstorm said, beaming down at Jack. "He looks exactly the way I thought he would look!!"

Jack looked down at his skinny metal body, wondering whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

"And look at this lab!" Mr Brainstorm gasped, looking around Frank's complicated-looking laboratory. "Wow! When I was your age, we didn't have all this fancy shiny techno-gear! Our servant rays were made out of straw and leather!"

Brainstorm and Jack exchanged glances.

"My little boy is going to take over the world!" Father Brainstorm said, starting to crack as tears welled up in his eyes. "I'm... I'm so proud!"

Brainstorm's father pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his eyes.

"Thanks.... Dad," Frank started. "Hey... what did you do with your hair?"

"Why, what's wrong with it?" Father Brainstorm, asked, feeling the top of his head.

"Well, for one thing it used to be red," Frank replied.

"Oh, right!!" Mr Brainstorm shouted. "I was started to notice it was getting grey, so I dyed it."

There was a pause.

"You dyed your hair green to hide your age?" Jack demanded.

"Yep!" Father Brainstorm said, grinning.

Jack rolled his eyes

It was then that Father Brainstorm noticed what Jack was holding in his hand.

"Hey! Is that the latest issue of Robots Weekly?" He asked, excitedly.

Jack looked down at the magazine in his hands.

"Yes, it is," He said, looking up at Brainstorm's father. "You read it?"

"Are you kidding?! I'm a raging fan of that magazine!!" Father Brainstorm yelled, running over to Jack.

Jack stared at him.

"Why? You're not a robot." He asked.

"I love seeing how machines live!" Father Brainstorm yelled, giddily. "It's my favorite hobby aside from stamp collecting!"

"You collect stamps?" Jack inquired, his eyebrows jumping.

"Well, I admit I do!" Father Brainstorm said, flopping down beside Jack. "But it was Frank who got me started on it!"

"Dad!!" Brainstorm yelled.

"Is that so?" Jack asked, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You collect stamps, Frank?"

"NO, I DON'T!!!" Frank screamed.

"Oh, he's long since given that up to peruse his passion of conquering the Earth!" Mr Brainstorm nodded. "But I decided since I was too old to take over the planet, I'd continue his original collection for him,"

Mr Brainstorm reached into his pocket, and pulled out a green hypercube.

"I brought it with me, Frank! As a present for you!!" He yelled, happily.

"No... No, I don't want it!!" Frank stammered, backing away as if his father was a hungry lion.

"I knew you'd be excited to see it, again! I kept it just the way you left it!" Mr Brainstorm grinned, reaching into the hypercube.

Jack leaned in and watched with great interest.

Mr Brainstorm pulled out a big glass case, that was filled with stamps from different countries. They were all put in alphabetical order.

"Wow, you were quite passionate about this, weren't you Frank?" Jack grinned, looking the case up and down.

"No... I didn't...! Dad!!" Frank wailed.

"I knew you'd be happy to see it, again!" Mr Brainstorm beamed, gleefully. "Here, why don't you put this in your bedroom, and I'll come hang it up in a few minutes!"

"I don't want it hung in my bedroom!" Frank groaned.

"Great! I'll wait here! I have a whole bunch of surprises for you!" Mr Brainstorm handed Frank the glass case.

Brainstorm paused for a minute, groaned, loudly, and trudged off to his bedroom.

Mr Brainstorm and Jack watched him go.

"Isn't he the most adorable little tike you ever laid eyes on?" Mr Brainstorm said, turning to Jack.

Jack stared at him unsurely.

"Uh huh," He said, nodding.

"I remember when he was only ten years old he had a pet rock called 'Harold'!" Mr Brainstorm sighed, thinking back. "It was just the cutest thing ever...."

"He had pet rock?" Jack demanded.

"You bet!" Father Brainstorm grinned. "He took it with him, everywhere! To restaurants, to the bathroom, to school, to his first date...."

"He took a pet rock with him on his first date?" Jack asked, stunned.

"Yeah, and it's too bad," Father Brainstorm said, shaking his head. "One day, we woke up and found that Harold had run away."

Jack stared at Mr Brainstorm for a long moment, trying decide what to make out of that last sentence.

"Tell me about his first date," He said, suddenly, pulling out a can of Pepsi, and grinning.

* * *

Dr Brainstorm lugged the giant case with him to his bedroom, groaning.

"I can't believe he brought this thing!" He moaned. "He pulled it out right in front of Jack! He'll never let me live this down!"

He leaned the glass case against the wall in his bedroom and paused.

"On the other hand, it's not that big a deal," He said. "Lots of people have stamp collections! It's nothing to be ashamed over."

He walked out of his room, and started back to the main lab.

"Just as long as Dad doesn't go into too much detail about my childhood, everything will be just fine."

He walked back into the main lab.

"Hey, Dad, I wanted to ask you..." He began.

"....Then she moved in to kiss him and as he saw her puckering up and moving forward, he smiled and she accidentally kissed him on the teeth!" Father Brainstorm told Jack, who currently had the biggest grin Frank had ever seen him wearing in his life.

Frank stared at them for a long moment.

Then his eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he fainted.

_THUMP!_

Mr Brainstorm and Jack turned and stared at the mad scientist on the floor.

"Look at him," Mr Brainstorm sighed. "He just so happy to see me, he couldn't handle the excitement."

"Yeah, he's like that," Jack nodded, biting down hard on his lip so he didn't laugh.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Dad were in the garage at their house trying to repair their bicycles. Correction: Dad was trying to fix his bicycle. Calvin was trying to survive being killed by his bicycle.

"You know, Calvin, I really think you had it made, since you have over five hundred channels to watch on the TV," Dad said, oiling his tires. "You know how many channels we had when I was your age? Three!"

"I got some oil here," Calvin said, walking around his bicycle, slowly. "You want some oil? I got some nice tasty oil!"

"Rrrrr," The bicycle growled, watching Calvin round it.

"And you know that when the president was on, your night was shot," Dad said.

"Dad, hurry, it's distracted! Get something blunt and hit it over the handlebars!" Calvin shouted.

"Then there's all those new systems out there where they 'child-proof' your house." Dad continued, apparently not listening to Calvin. "You know, putting plastic over the electric sockets and things over the television sets so they didn't fall. We didn't have any of those when I was your age!"

Realizing what Calvin was doing, the bike lunged forward.

"YAAAUGH!!" Calvin screamed as the bike nailed him to the floor. "DAD!! HELP!! IT'S GONNA KILL ME!!!"

"If we wanted to pull the TV on top of our heads or stick a coin in a socket then so be it! Our parents knew we'd learn after a while."

"RRRRGH!! DIE BICYCLE!!" Calvin screamed, taking hold of the handlebars and tossing it over onto its side. "DIE!! DIE!!! DIE!! DIE!!! DIE!! DIE!!! DIE!!!"

"Kids back then didn't watch much TV, anyway," Dad went on. "We listened to the radio. Every night Max and I would sit down in front of the radio and listen to The Adventures of Captain Kangaroo."

"DAD!! GET THE SCREWDRIVER!! I HAVE IT PINNED!! WHOA!! HELP!!"

"RRRRRR!!!"

**_CRASH!! BANG!! SLASH!!_**

"Captain Kangaroo was our favorite show," Dad smiled, thinking back. "It was really funny and it gave kids a chance to use their imaginations."

"I'VE FOUND SOME ROPE!!! WE'RE SAVED!!!"

**_KKKKKKSH!!!! CRASH!! BOOM!! SLAM!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!! BANG!!! BANG!!!_**

"But I think my favorite memory of being a child were the Christmases." Dad sighed. "Max and I would stay up until midnight, waiting for Santa to come and when we woke up in the morning, we would promise ourselves that next year we would see him."

"YOU'LL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY, AGAIN, YOU RUSTY, OILY, FREAK!!!!"

Dad looked back and admired his bicycle.

"Well, I'd say everything appears to be in working order." He said, looking it up and down. "What do you say we pedal on down to the park?"

He looked over his shoulder.

Calvin was walking back into the garage. He was covered in scratches and oil.

Dad stared at him.

"Calvin, where's your bicycle?" He sighed, heavily.

"Right now, it's trying to explain to Satan how it wasn't able to kill me!" Calvin said, proudly.

Dad rolled his eyes.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes and the MTM were still trying to close up the piece of torn reality.

"OK, you sure this will work?" Hobbes asked, staring at the arrangement before him.

MTM had had Hobbes rearrange everything in Calvin's room. The bed was propped against the door, the desk was up against the window, the dresser was right underneath the hole, the toy chest was up against the closet door and there were several comic books and toys which had been carefully around the room.

"Positive," MTM said. "Well, kind of positive. Well... ninety nine percent... ninety eight.... anyway, the theory is if I can concentrate all of the interdimensional energy on this one specific point, the furniture will catch it and it will mix together with interdimensional energy from the rip,"

"Yes," Hobbes nodded.

"The two energies will cancel each other out, and the hole will close itself," MTM said.

"Sounds about right," Hobbes said. "Alright, let's do it!"

Hobbes aimed the MTM at the rip.

_SSSSSSSS!!!!_

Suddenly a blue fog hissed out of the tip of the MTM.

Upon making contact with the air, the fog condensed into blue electricity and began shooting around the room.

BLAST!!!

It bounced off the toy chest, off the bed, off the window, onto the floor, onto the ceiling, right past Hobbes, against the closet door, and right into the rip.

**_FOOM!!_**

The two energies combined together, and the rip began glowing, brightly.

Hobbes' eyes widened.

"I... I think it's working!" He grinned.

_**RIIIIIIIP!!!**_

Suddenly, the air around the hole seemed to crack and open up, and the hole became even larger than before.

There was a pause.

"Oh...." MTM said, suddenly. "I forgot to carry the three."

Hobbes didn't move.

"Well, we better get to work on moving everything back," MTM said, cheerfully.

Hobbes' eyes squeezed shut and his teeth gritted.

It took Hobbes thirty minutes to move everything back into place. Fifteen of those minutes were spent arguing with the MTM about where the toy chest was before.

Finally, everything was put back and Hobbes and MTM continued with their problem: The rip was twice as big as it was, before, now.

"Okay, I have another plan," MTM said. "It's a little risky, though."

"Then forget it," Hobbes said.

"No wait, hear me out," MTM said. "If we open up a second hole in reality right next to the first one, then in theory, they'll both implode on each other and close up!"

"How do you know that they won't just connect, and the original hole will get even bigger?" Hobbes demanded.

"Interdimensional energy doesn't work like that, mate," MTM said, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hobbes paused.

"You think it will work?" He asked.

"It has too," MTM said. "Two interdimensional portals can't exist beside each other. The worst that will happen is that only one hole will implode on itself. So, we really have nothing to lose,"

Hobbes paused.

"Oh... alright. How do we open up a second hole?"

"Alright got the proper equipment lined up," MTM said. "Just use me as if I was a knife, and cut the air in front of the rip."

"Alright, if your sure...." Hobbes sighed.

He held the MTM up in front of the rip, and tore it forward, as if the MTM was a razor.

_**SLLLLICCEE!!! FOOOM!!**_

The space that MTM made contact with with tore open, revealing another bright purple rip.

Hobbes and the MTM then stood back and stared.

For a while, nothing happened.

Then, the two rips in reality began trembling slightly, and glowing brighter.

Hobbes and the MTM stared.

**_FWWOOOOM!!_**

There was an explosion of color, and suddenly, the second portal and the first mixed together.

For several seconds, the two portals whirled around in circles through the air above the bed, causing the reality around it to become blurred and contracted.

Then it stopped.

The rip was still there. Only now it was a lot bigger and was a perfect circle.

Hobbes and the MTM stared.

"Well, now we know we can change its shape," MTM said, finally. "That's valuable knowledge."

Hobbes glared at the MTM.

* * *

"...And this is Frank, Sheila, the Missis and I at the Mount Rushmore." Father Brainstorm said, who was showing Jack a photo album, which Jack was paying close attention to. "I remember that day. Frank and Sheila were arguing about who was going to get which face on the mountain when they took over the world."

"Who won?" Jack inquired.

"Well, Frank was winning but one of the tour guides came up and told him to stop yelling. It scared Frank pretty bad, 'cause he didn't see the guide there and he wet himself," Father Brainstorm said. "It was deemed a tie."

"DAD!!!" Brainstorm screeched. He rushed over to Father Brainstorm and Jack. "I don't think Jack is interested in seeing boring old photos from our vacations!" He said, quickly.

"Oh, yes, I am," Jack said, staring at the photo album with glee.

"NO, you're not!!!" Brainstorm warned.

"Hey, look, here's your tenth grade class photo! Nice braces by the way."

"That isn't me!!" Brainstorm claimed.

"Ah, how cute," Jack cooed. "It says here your nickname at school was 'Bubbles'. I thought you said you were 'The Grudge'."

"I WAS THE GRUDGE!!" Brainstorm declared. "THAT ISN'T ME!!"

"Aw, you loved being called Bubbles!" Father Brainstorm said, looking at the photo. "You would start giggling every time we said it!"

"Look at that, your father has a big T-shirt saying 'Bubbles' proud father'." Jack said, pointing at another picture.

"I still have that shirt!" Father Brainstorm grinned. "It's in my box of Frank's old possessions along with his blanky."

"I NEVER HAD A BLANKY!!" Brainstorm announced.

"Sure you did, son! You had it until you were fourteen!" Father Brainstorm said, looking up at his son with that same goofy grin.

"Daaaaaad!!" Brainstorm wailed.

"Yes, son?" Father Brainstorm asked, looking up.

"Why don't you and Jack..... pause.... from looking at photos right, now," Frank said, slowly. "Didn't you bring anything else that we might..."

"Yeah, actually, I did!" Father Brainstorm said, remembering, reaching into his hypercube. "I brought some home movies!"

Brainstorm's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Father Brainstorm pulled out a small video tape.

"Here, Jack, why don't you go pop this in the VCR?"

"Love to," Jack grinned, taking the tape, and running over to the console.

Brainstorm began backing away.

"OK, OK. It's gonna be OK," He said, quietly. "Dad leaves in half an hour. I just have to wait a little longer until...."

Suddenly, the doorbell rang out, again.

**_DING DONG!!!_**

"JACK, GO GET THE DOOR!!" Brainstorm screamed, frantically, desperate to get the robot away from his father.

"Whatever," Jack said, pushing a button on the console.

There was a cranking noise, signaling the elevator was moving, then the big metal doors opened up.

A tall, skinny figure came walking into the lab.

Brainstorm, Jack and Father Brainstorm stared.

Jacqueline T Robot came strolling into the laboratory, smiling sweetly at the three.

"Hey, Jacqueline." Jack waved at his cousin.

"Hey, boys, what's up?" She asked.

"JACQUELINE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!" Brainstorm shrieked, insanely.

"Oh, sorry, Frank, didn't I mention?" Father Brainstorm asked. "I invited your Mother, Sheila and Jacqueline over so we could all have dinner, together!"

"WHAT?!?!"

"Yeah, I just teleported here, early, because Mrs Brainstorm insisted that they drive here, and they were starting to run out of gas," Jacqueline said.

"Well, Jackie, your just in time," Jack said, sitting back down next to Father Brainstorm. "Mr Brainstorm and I were just about to sit down and watch some home movies about Frank and Sheila."

"Oooh, fun!" She grinned, jogging over to the couch.

Brainstorm opened his mouth to protest, but instead he just gargled, slightly.

"Frank, your asthma's not acting up, again, is it?" Father Brainstorm asked, as Jacqueline sat down next to Jack. "Do you need your rescue inhaler?"

"NO, I DON'T NEED MY RESCUE INHALER!!!" Brainstorm shrieked.

"Alright, well, why don't you sit down and watch these movies with us? It'll bring back memories!"

Suddenly, the video started.

All eyes went to the screen.

It was of a twelve-year old Frank Brainstorm sitting in the bathtub with a small toy boat, singing 'Three Blind Mice'.

"I remember this day!" Father Brainstorm yelled, happily. "This was only a couple weeks after you dropped that bead down your ear and we needed to go to the doctor to get it out!"

Jack and Jacqueline exchanged glances.

Brainstorm's left eye began twitching, involuntarily.

Father Brainstorm and the two robots continued watching the home movies roll by one after another. Each one even more embarrassing than the last.

By this time, Dr Brainstorm had snuck out of the main lab, and was looking for some form of shelter.

He grabbed his helmet and goggles and climbed into his rocket.

"I have got to get out of here..." He growled, revving the engine up.

**_VRROOOOM!!_**

The giant bay doors in front of the rocket opened up and the engine began roaring.

The rocket lifted off the landing pad, and flew off out of the lab.

* * *

Above the ground, a tour guide was leading a group of kids past Old Faithful.

"And here is our most popular attraction at Yellowstone, Old Faithful," he said, pointing at the geyser. "Now, who here as ever seen Old Faithful go off?"

Several kids raised their hands.

"Who here has actually been here when Old Faithful went off?"

All hands went down.

Uh huh.

"Well, that's about change, because our scientists predict that the geyser is about to go off at any moment, now!"

The kids all started talking, excitedly.

"Lets just wait a minute and...." The tour guide turned and stared at the geyser.

FOOOM!!!

Suddenly, a bright red rocket exploded from the geyser, flying straight upwards into the air.

The tour guide and the kids watched.

"Ignore that, that happened all the time," The guide said, turning to the kids, and then back to the geyser.

They waited a moment, then suddenly, a little bit of water began gushing out from it, then spewed several hundred feet into the air.

"Whooooooahh!! The kids all yelled, amazed at the geyser.

The tour guide nodded with satisfaction.

"_Another successful tour_," He thought to himself.

Right.

* * *

Calvin was grumbling in the garage. He'd had to pull his bike out of the tree he'd managed to throw it in, but he'd managed to talk Dad into putting a bike lock on it so it couldn't attack again. He glared at the bike, which thrashed and growled as it tried to escape the chain it was stuck in.

Calvin stuck his tongue out at it before resuming his grumbling.

Dad approached him after coming back from the kitchen.

"Calvin…?" he asked.

Calvin just glared straight ahead.

"Calvin, I get this feeling that you're not enjoying our bike-riding," Dad continued.

"Very astute of you, Dad," Calvin snorted. "What tipped you off? The way the bike is possessed, or the fact that I'm covered in scratches and bruises."

Dad sighed. "Well, if you don't want ride bikes, we don't have to anymore."

Calvin looked up. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure. I bet I can think of something even more fun to do!"

A skeptical look slid across Calvin's features. "Such as…?" he asked.

"Well, we could always go fishing!" Dad said, grinning madly.

Calvin looked at him.

"Fishing…?" he asked slowly, his eyes growing wide with horror.

"Sure! We can rent a canoe down by the lake where we usually go camping, and then we can _really _enjoy some father / son activity!"

"…Fishing?" Calvin asked again.

"Yep! Come on! Let's get going!"

Dad grabbed Calvin's arm and started dragging him to the car.

Calvin gulped nervously at the idea of fishing, but when he looked back over his shoulder, he saw his bicycle thrashing and bucking in the garage. Calvin wasn't sure, but he was sure that from the way the pedals were squeaking, it was a Morse code message of death.

Dad plopped Calvin down in the backseat, and then he sat down in the driver's seat. The car backed out of the driveway, and they set off.

"We're really doing this?" Calvin asked. "You're serious?"

"Of course!" Dad replied cheerfully.

"You want me to go fishing with you?"

"That's right!"

"…in a boat…on a lake…on a Saturday…during my free time…," Calvin stopped and thought, "Odd."

"What is?" Dad asked.

"Dante's Inferno listed Seven Levels of Hell. That's only four."

Dad rolled his eyes.

* * *

Hobbes and MTM stood before the rip in reality. They were watching as little bits of matter were sucked inside of it.

"Okay, let's recap," Hobbes decided.

"Right," MTM replied.

"We tried blasting it with electricity, and that didn't work."

"Check."

"We tried your manipulator arms, and that didn't work."

"Check."

"We bounced interdimensional energy off the furniture, and that didn't work."

"Check."

"We tried making a second hole, and _that _didn't work."

"Check."

There was a pause.

"Well, I can find only one more alternative," Hobbes said at last.

"What's that?"

"We chuck you at it and see what happens."

"That won't do anything but destroy me!" MTM objected.

"True, but at least I'd get to die with intense satisfaction."

"Now hold on, there are a few other options we haven't tried yet."

"Such as…?" Hobbes asked, already going into the wind up.

"Well, we could always try moving it."

Just as Hobbes was going into the pitch, he halted with eyes wide and staring at MTM, who had almost slid out of his fingers.

"Can we do that?" he asked.

"It's worth a shot."

"But what would that accomplish?"

"We could take it to some far region of the galaxy where it wouldn't bother anyone."

Hobbes thought about that option.

"Well, it's probably not the most orthodox way out we can use, but I suppose it's worth a shot," he decided at last.

MTM immediately extended his manipulator arms and once again gripped both sides of the rip.

"Okay, let's try moving it."

Hobbes, still holding MTM, started walking around the room. But rather than move, the hole stretched.

"I don't think it's working," Hobbes said, furrowing his brow.

"We just need to try a little harder," MTM insisted. "Try going out the door with it."

Hobbes began pulling MTM, who was in turn trying to pull the rip along with them. Hobbes left the bedroom, went through the hall, down the stairs and was soon heading out the door.

As he was running down the front walk, he looked back, and the sight caused him to skid to a halt.

The rip was now stretched all the way out of the house.

Hobbes stared at the rip as several small objects that were within reach were sucked inside of it. Then he averted his gaze towards the MTM, who was right now retracting his manipulators.

"Hmmm…," he said. "Odd, that is."

Hobbes squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance.

* * *

Calvin grumbled as he exited the car.

Dad led him over towards the shack.

They found the clerk at the booth was sound asleep in his chair with his straw hat tipped over his eyes.

"Excuse me," Dad said.

The clerk didn't answer.

Calvin thought there was something strikingly familiar about him.

"Excuse me," Dad repeated. "Hello?" He pounded on the counter lightly with his fist.

The clerk finally stirred and slowly raised his hat.

Calvin's eyes burst open.

"KLEIN?!" he cried.

"Calvin, don't be rude," Dad said sternly.

Klein looked around and saw them.

"Oh, hey, kid. Calvin, right?" he asked.

"Have we already met?" Calvin asked. "Which Klein are you?"

"Calvin, _manners_!" Dad hissed.

"I'm the one who worked at the movie theater," Klein replied.

"What was wrong with the theater?"

"Oh please! As if I'd spend my entire life working in a movie theater! That place reeked of high cholesterol!"

"Yeah, see your point."

"Excuse me!" Dad interrupted. "Mr Klein, yes?"

"Yee-ah. What can I do for ya?" Klein asked, looking at him lazily.

"We'd like to rent a canoe."

"For…?"

"We're going fishing."

Klein stared at him.

"Sir, have you not been fishing?" he asked.

"Of course I have!"

"Then you're aware that you will, in fact, have to bait the hook, gut the fish and fight of boredom."

"Ah, the remaining three levels reveal themselves," Calvin said.

Dad rolled his eyes. "How much for a canoe?" he asked, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket.

"Well, normally they're fifty bucks, but seeing as how you're our first customer in roughly…," he checked his watch, "…three months, I'll take half off. Twenty-five bucks will do."

Dad nodded and handed him the money.

"And you'll get your rods and tackle box for free," Klein added, handing him the poles and boxes.

Calvin staggered as Dad absentmindedly handed him everything.

"How can you afford to do that?" Dad asked.

"Meh. We're practically bankrupt as it is," Klein said, shrugging.

Dad looked confused, but Calvin just nodded knowingly.

Klein helped them get the canoe out of the storage room. The canoes and paddles were all covered in cobwebs and dust.

"Doesn't anyone enjoy fishing anymore?" Dad demanded.

"Meh. We get too many activists who are against people fishing," Klein said. "They believe it's more holy to eat meat that's been bludgeoned to death by somebody else. The irony isn't lost on me."

Dad rolled his eyes. "People just don't enjoy working for themselves anymore."

"You think that's weird? Have you ever been to New York? I've seen people fishing in the Harpeth River!"

"Seriously?!" Calvin demanded.

"Yup! Now _that _is patience. Now let's suppose he _did _catch something in that murky water," Klein continued. "Can you imagine the monster fish that's gotta be? One of those tough New York fish?"

Calvin smirked while Dad raised an eyebrow.

"He'll come out of the water and, 'Hey, get that hook outta my mouth, you idiot! What, ya think that tickles, you moron?! Gimme that bait! Yeah, four years dodging tugboats, and I'm gonna fall for that hook, you roob?!'"

Calvin was laughing while Dad rolled his eyes.

Klein helped them get the canoe into the water.

"Okay, let's shove off!" Dad said enthusiastically.

"_You _shove off!" Calvin and Klein said together, both offended.

Dad sighed, exasperated, and he and Calvin got into the canoe and set off for the middle of the lake.

Klein watched them go, and he sighed. "Oh, this'll be fun," he muttered.

* * *

Back in Yellowstone, Father Brainstorm was sitting on the couch with Jack and Jacqueline. They were all watching the last of the home movies.

"Oh, and there's little Frankie trying to climb up the monkey bars at the playground near our house!" he was saying. "He was pretending to be a pioneer. He saw it in a movie."

"Oh, how sweet!" Jacqueline said cheerfully.

"…Yeah," Jack said, squinting at the video.

There was a pause as they observed the young boy on the screen.

Finally, something relatively exciting happened.

"Ooh, that had to embarrassing," Jack said, suppressing a snicker.

"Was he okay afterwards?" Jacqueline asked.

"Oh sure," Father Brainstorm said assuredly. "He just locked himself in his room for a few days until he finally got bored."

"Very fashionable, though," Jack said. "I wasn't aware that kids could wear that kind of underwear."

"Yes, young Franklin did have his mishaps," Father Brainstorm said wistfully. "Still, he's made me proud! He's always been the scholar in the family."

"Scholar?!" Jack asked, trying not to sound too surprised.

"Oh, definitely! He went through all his grade levels once and only once, graduated from high school, and when he walked down the aisle to get his diploma, he only tripped once or twice! Then there was college. He would always write home, letting us know about how things were going and what his rivals were up to."

"Yeah, Dr Thunderstorm," Jack said. "I remember that freak."

"Oh yes, yet another mark of pride! Our young mad scientist was already finding his adversaries! We were so impressed. When I was his age, I had to wait until my first job until I could find someone to do battle with."

Jack nodded.

Jacqueline checked her watch. "Sheila and Mother Brainstorm should be here in a few hours. We should probably get started on dinner."

"Quite right!" Father Brainstorm said. "We'll have to prepare double rations. Some for the family and some for the Missus. She's a wonderful woman, but she does tend to hold her own when it comes to mealtime."

Jack rolled his eyes.

As Father Brainstorm and Jacqueline went to the kitchen, Jack went to get Dr Brainstorm.

"Hey, Frank?" he called into the bedroom.

There was a pause.

Jack frowned. No sign of an exasperated and frustrated correction. It could only mean he wasn't there.

* * *

Calvin and Dad were sitting in the canoe, back-to-back, fishing rods in the lake.

"Well, Calvin, here we are!" Dad said happily. "Out among the elements!"

Calvin didn't respond. He was off in his own little world.

"Just us with the fresh air and the tranquility! No demands, no phone, no pressure… The whole day is one's own! Isn't this great? Isn't this the life?"

Calvin continued to stare blankly.

From within his mind, his fishing rod disappeared from his hands, and it was replaced with a blaster. The blue ocean surrounding him changed colors to a dark orange color. The boat suddenly rose several miles into the air and became a giant floating globular craft with a small balcony for him to stand on. A guard rail ran around it. The sky turned black. The forest melted away from view.

Dad, who was continually nattering away about nothing, suddenly began to change. His eyes shifted together, becoming one, and then it grew larger and bulged outwards, suddenly sprouting outwards on a stalk like a flower. His skinny frame suddenly began to shift into a round form. His skin turned a scaly green color. His hair retracted into his scalp. His feet became tentacles. He grew a third arm out of his back. His fishing rod became a whip. His teeth became jagged.

The alien sat there on a stool, sighing contentedly and saying, "Ahhh… What a day!"

"The gallant Spaceman Spiff, now prisoner of the Mocks, prepares his daring escape," Calvin's voice narrated. "In secret, he has inserted sedatives into his warden's drink. Within minutes, he's drowsier than a high school student in a seventh bell algebra class."

The alien guard continued talking. "I tell ya, its days like this that make you really realize what really matters in life…_yawn_… Just a father and his son…_yawn_…enjoying the…the sun and the…and the gentle lulling breeze…Zzzz…snort…and hoping……to…_to_…_zzzzzzzzzz……_"

A brief switch to reality saw that Dad had dozed off.

Spiff quietly got up and slid down the side of the ship. He landed in his waiting spacecraft.

Calvin pulled the cardboard box out of his hypercube and hopped into it.

Spiff started the craft up.

Calvin managed to start up the box.

Spiff's craft splashed water as it roared noisily into the sky.

Calvin's box splattered water as it flew back towards the shore.

"Our hero makes a mighty escape!" Calvin's voice announced over Spiff's actions. "He hastily departs."

Spiff flew his craft through the sky towards the shoreline and secretly parked it in the bushes. He jumped from it quietly and started to sneak around through the shrubbery.

"Our hero sneaks stealthily through the alien landscape," he said in a hushed tone. "Who knows what kinds of alien oddities he shall find? Three-eyed man-eaters? Hideously deformed ducks? Maybe even…"

He trailed off as fantasy world faded away and was replaced with reality.

Calvin stared.

"…Frank?!" he cried.

Dr Brainstorm looked up in surprise.

"Hey!" he shouted. "Get away! Did my father send you?"

Calvin stared at him. "…What?" he asked.

"He did, didn't he?! He just can't let me have a moment's peace! He's always bombarding me with affection and embarrassment! I'm trying to be a man, and he has the absolute nerve to show up and ruin it all!"

"What are you talking about?!" Calvin demanded, growing annoyed.

"My dad came to visit…," Brainstorm mumbled angrily.

Calvin's eyes burst open.

"Ooh," he muttered. "I can only imagine what _he's _like!"

"He's a doting embarrassment. He's always telling stories about me to everyone, and he was just humiliating me in front of Jack!"

Calvin paused.

"Oh," he said. "Then again, maybe I can't."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Well, the more I learn about your family, the more I started to think they were all hollering drill sergeants."

Brainstorm rolled his eyes.

"I can't believe he would do this to me!" he muttered. "The nerve of him showing up and showering me with love! The jerk…"

"You think _you've _got it bad?" Calvin demanded. "I'm down here with you right now so I can avoid a fishing trip with _my_ dad."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah! He's out there on a lake right now, fast asleep! And as if that wasn't enough, he took me bike-riding earlier today!"

"What's so bad about that?"

"Have you never ridden an evil bicycle?!"

Brainstorm just looked confused, but Calvin simply pouted in the bushes.

"What is it with most dads?" Calvin demanded. "Why are they so insistent on being like this?!"

"It's because they love you," a voice said.

Calvin and Dr Brainstorm both jumped and stared at the source of the voice.

It was Klein. He'd found them behind the bushes.

"…What?" Calvin.

"Who the heck are you?!" Dr Brainstorm demanded. "What are you doing?! I DON'T APPRECIATE SPIES!!"

Klein rolled his eyes.

"Your dads are close because they care about you. They want to see you get the best," he said. "You may not appreciate it now, but one day, you'll be without them for good. Lots of kids don't have fathers like yours. Some dads can be real jerks, and some are never around. You've got to enjoy them and the good relationships you have with them, because one day, you may never have them with you again."

It was a sobering thought for Calvin and Dr Brainstorm to process.

The very idea of being without a family member made them uneasy, and it was something they didn't want to think about.

"Gee, thanks for the info," Calvin said, trying to stay sarcastic, but finding it very difficult.

"Sure," Klein said, smirking, and he left for the shack again.

There was a silence as Calvin and Dr Brainstorm considered this.

"Okay, who was that?!" Dr Brainstorm demanded.

Calvin glared at him. "Please tell me you got the seriousness in that message?" he grunted.

"Oh, sure, I got that bit! WHO WAS IT THAT TOLD IT TO ME?!"

Calvin sighed. "Look, I don't have time for this. I've gotta get back to the canoe before Dad notices I'm gone."

"Yeah, whatever," Dr Brainstorm grumbled, getting up and heading back to how rocket.

Calvin crawled back to the box, and he got back in it, heading back for the canoe.

Minutes later, Calvin found his dad was sound asleep in the canoe, and he was still clutching his fishing rod.

Calvin watched him for awhile before deciding it was time he did something nice for his dad. He pulled out the Transmogrifier gun and took some of the lures out of the tackle box. He dropped them in the water and zapped them with the Transmogrifier.

They were transformed into six fish.

Calvin pointed at Dad, and the fish started to swim towards the fishing lure of Dad's that was bobbing up and down in the water.

Calvin waited until there was a tug at the line.

Dad snorted from his sleep and looked around in a daze.

"Wha…What?! What's going on?!" he cried.

"Dad! You've got a fish!" Calvin cried excitedly.

Dad stared at his line.

"Whoa! Hey! I've got it! I've got it! Okay, let's reel this baby in!"

And Dad began to real a fish up as Calvin grinned knowingly behind him.

* * *

At Yellowstone, the doorbell at Dr B's lab rang out.

"Ooh! They're here!" Jacqueline said as she looked up from the cake she'd baked.

"Wonderful!" Father Brainstorm said cheerfully. "Jack, be a dear and get the door, will you?"

Jack sighed and got up from his chair; somewhat hoping it was Dr Brainstorm. The lesser of two evils, he decided.

When he opened the door, he winced.

"JACQUELINE!" Sheila shouted. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?"

"Jack," Jack muttered. "My name is Jack."

"WHATEVER! **_JACQUELINE!! GET OVER HERE!!_**"

And she pushed past Jack to find her own robot.

Jack glanced at Mother Brainstorm.

"Hey, Mrs. B," he sighed.

"GOOD EVENING JACK!!" Mother Brainstorm hollered.

"How was the drive?"

"I'VE HAD BETTER!"

"You ready for dinner?"

"I'M FAMISHED!"

"I'm sure you are. Go on to the kitchen. You should remember the way."

"I SHALL!"

And she lumbered past.

Jack sighed. "Frank, where are you…?" he muttered, rubbing his temples.

"**_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!! _**And I'm right here."

Jack's head came up and saw the goofy and somewhat evil form of Dr Frank Brainstorm standing before him in the doorway.

"Where've you been?!" Jack demanded.

"On a journey of self-discovery," Dr Brainstorm sighed solemnly. "Where's Dad?"

"Kitchen," Jack sighed. "Along with the rest of the Brainstorm clan."

"Oof. This might be harder than I thought."

And he entered the lab, letting Jack close the door.

Dr Brainstorm found his family waiting for him in the kitchen.

"Ah, son!" Father Brainstorm grinned. "There you are! Ready for dinner?"

Dr Brainstorm looked at his father for a long moment, contemplating what Klein had said.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm ready," he said, managing a tired grin.

"Good. Let's eat!"

Mother Brainstorm sat at the head of the table, piling mountains of her own food onto her plate. Father Brainstorm sat next to her, with Frank Brainstorm at his side. Sheila sat at the other end of the table while Jack and Jacqueline sat at the other side.

"So!" Father Brainstorm said. "Who's up for a story?"

Dr Brainstorm tried hard not to look too distressed.

Jack picked up on it, however, and saved him. "Well, you've spent the day talking about Frank," he said. "How about we hear about Sheila for a while?"

"Ooh, I agree!" Jacqueline said cheerfully.

"_Jacqueline_…," Sheila hissed, suddenly looking very distressed.

"Good idea," Father Brainstorm grinned. "I recall one of her little moments in 2nd Grade!"

"_Dad_…," Sheila moaned.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"She had to be held back," Father Brainstorm said.

Everyone half-expected Mother Brainstorm to yell something disapproving, but she was too busy shoveling food into her mouth.

"How'd that happen?" Jacqueline asked.

"Well, it all started when they were learning cursive. Now, you probably already know what a defiant little scamp Sheila can be sometimes," Father Brainstorm said.

"Ooh, definitely."

"Well, she started to organize a protest group against cursive handwriting…"

"It would've worked if those jerks hadn't have called it stupid!" Sheila complained.

"DON'T INTERRUPT YOUR FATHER!!" Mother Brainstorm shouted.

Dr Brainstorm grinned, happily entertained.

* * *

Hobbes and MTM were now hiding in the bushes. It was getting late, and it was coming up on 10:07.

"Only a minute left," MTM announced.

Hobbes watched the rip get larger and more powerful. "Do you think Calvin will get mad?" he asked nervously.

"Probably, but I imagine we'll be in the void long before he can yell at us."

"I suppose that's alright."

There was a sudden surge of energy, and lightning flashed.

"Here we go," MTM said. "It's turning into a black hole!"

"MTM," Hobbes said quickly. "I know in the past you and I haven't seen eye-to-eye…but I just want you to know now…"

"…Yes…?"

"You're about twenty per cent less annoying than I usually say you are."

"Thanks, Hobbes. You too."

And the time was up.

Hobbes and MTM watched as the tear began to slowly expand into a black hole…

…before it suddenly retracted into itself and strangely imploded, disappearing.

They stared at the spot where it had been for a long throbbing moment.

"Well…," MTM said. "That was anti-climactic."

"What happened?" Hobbes asked.

"It closed up by itself."

"Oh."

There was a long pause.

Just then, a car drove up the drive and parked in the garage. Calvin and Dad emerged moments later, both walking triumphantly up the walk and into the house.

Calvin stopped to talk to them.

"Hey guys!" he said. "How'd it go with the rip?"

There was a pause.

"Oh, it went alright. We handled it," Hobbes said at last.

"Yeah, all taken care of," MTM said.

"Really?" Calvin asked. "No trouble?"

"Oh no," Hobbes said.

"Easy peasy," said MTM.

"Okay, cool. See you upstairs." And he left.

Hobbes and MTM stared at each other.

"…We shall never speak of this again," Hobbes decided.

"Right."

* * *

Calvin and Dad entered the kitchen where Mom was waiting.

"We're back!" Dad said triumphantly.

"Hey! How was the fishing?" Mom asked, looking up from her book.

Dad held up the bucket full of fish.

"Six—count 'em—SIX largemouth bass!" he grinned.

"Expertly filleted by me," Calvin added modestly.

Mom stared at him. "You?!" she asked, stunned.

"Him, indeed," Dad added.

"Where did you learn to do that?"

"Biology," Calvin replied. "Nobody dissects as many frogs as I have without coming away with something."

"Well, good job, boys," Mom said.

"Yeah, nice job, Calvin," Dad added. "This has been a great day."

"Yeah," Calvin sighed. "I guess it has. Thanks, Dad."

And breaking character for only the briefest of moments, he hugged his dad before going up to his room.

Dad grinned, satisfied.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes sat in their room reading comic books with MTM.

"So how was Father / Son Day?" Hobbes asked.

"You know?" Calvin asked. "It wasn't so bad after all."

"Really?" Hobbes asked. "Did you spend it with someone else's dad?"

"Hobbes, come on," Calvin sighed. "Dad's not that bad."

"Not that bad?! We are talking about the same man, aren't we?! The Character Builder? The Camper with Legs?"

"Hobbes, knock it off. He's my dad, and he's my only dad, and he's gotta last me for a while!"

Hobbes grinned and looked back at his comic book.

"Oh, weirdly enough, I ran into Dr Brainstorm. Apparently _his _dad came to visit today!"

"Really?!" Hobbes asked, looking up again.

"Yup! Mother and Father Brainstorm!"

"Ooh!" MTM spoke up. "That reminds me of a joke! _A nun and a priest walk into a pub_…"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

* * *

Back at Yellowstone, the Brainstorm clan was resting and, for once, not shouting at each other.

Mother Brainstorm was in a recliner, sleeping soundly as her bulging stomach struggled to digest the onslaught she'd called dinner.

Sheila was sitting in a corner, trying to destroy her own home videos and failing miserably.

Jack and Jacqueline were in recliners, drinking lemonade and watching TV.

And at a folding table, Father Brainstorm and Dr B were enjoying a nice game of Go Fish.

**The End**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks: **Hobbes**  
Neil Crone: **Dr Brainstorm**  
Michael Brandon: **Jack**  
Norman Lovett: **MTM**  
Robert Klein: **Klein**  
Jason Lee: **Father Brainstorm**  
Bridget Nelson: **Sheila Brainstorm**  
Mary Jo Pehl: **Mother Brainstorm**  
AnnaSophia Robb: **Jacqueline

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Surge


	4. Surge

**Summary: **Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman attempt to cope with a power outage.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Surge**

The town that Calvin and Hobbes lived in was in the throes of winter. It was early December in their town, and they were just preparing from the holidays.

Calvin was putting on his winter clothes to go outside. He had gotten into his jacket and hat, and he was digging through his drawers for the last item.

"You're serious about this?" Hobbes asked, looking at him disdainfully.

"Hey, it's not every Christmas that Grandma sends me an early present," Calvin replied, digging deeper and deeper into the bottom drawer.

"It just seems a little silly."

"Look, she spent a lot of money on this, and I'm gonna wear it!"

Then he grinned.

"Found it!" he cried triumphantly.

Calvin pulled out the end of a multi-colored scarf. He began to pull it out of the drawer. He kept pulling and pulling for about a thirty seconds, and still the end was not in sight.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and waited.

Finally, Calvin pulled out the other end of the scarf, which was about eleven feet long, and covered in different colors. He began wrapping it around his torso about four times until it was a reasonable length, and even then, it brushed along his feet.

Hobbes sighed and turned to the audience.

"Kudos and handshakes to whoever gets this gag," he said.

Calvin went out the door and downstairs, with Hobbes right behind him.

"We're going out, Mom," Calvin announced.

"Uh-huh," Mom muttered, reading over the checkbook.

Calvin yanked the door open, and he and Hobbes left the house.

What they found was incredibly disappointing.

"Look at this!" Calvin cried. "It's an atrocity! It's an absolute abomination!"

Hobbes looked around.

"Problem?"

"YES, THERE'S A PROBLEM!! THERE'S NO SNOW ON THE GROUND!!"

"Oh."

"'Oh'? Is that all you can say to a problem as gigantic as this?!"

"Pretty much, yes."

Calvin grumbled at him and stomped down the sidewalk, his enormous scarf flapping in the wind as he went.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and dutifully followed him.

* * *

Andy and Sherman were in the lab preparing everything needed for another one of Sherman's lab experiments.

In other words, Andy had become Sherman's unwilling assistant again.

Right now, the poor boy was hooked up to a series of wires that were hooked to a big machine. He was also whining.

"But Sherman, I don't _want _to test your Cerebellum-Powered Radio!" he complained. "I want to play my videogames!"

"Oh, Andy, all you ever do is play _videogames_!" Sherman sighed disapprovingly. "You have slowly but surely become a nerd sitting in front of a TV with a controller in your thumbs."

"You're just jealous because you can't play Wii."

Sherman glared at him, and then began pressing buttons.

Andy felt a slight twinge of heat on the top of his head, but it went away quickly.

They watched the machine boot up and the lights flashed and software whirred from inside the metal housing. Numbers flashed across a screen, and then melted away, revealing instead to have a long line of numbers listed above vertical thin lines.

"Excellente!" Sherman crowed.

"Yeah, yeah," Andy grumbled. "What now?"

"Well, now you just have to think of a genre of music, and the radio will tune itself over to the nearest channel playing it!"

Andy sighed. "Eat your heart out, Apple," he muttered.

There was a pause.

Then a red needle started to cross over the small vertical lines until it stopped on one that was directly under the number 78.3.

Country music came blaring from the speakers.

"It works!" Sherman cheered. "I'm a genius!"

"Not quite," said Andy. "I was thinking of opera."

They stared at each other.

Sherman scratched his head.

"Huh," he said. "We'll just have to keep at it."

Andy's expression darkened.

Just then, the needle changed directions, and it swung over towards 32.9.

At that moment, Hannah Montana started playing out of the speakers.

They stared at it in surprise.

"Huh," he said. "It got _that_ one right."

"What were you thinking?"

"About how utterly and completely _stupid_ this is."

Sherman rolled his eyes.

They then heard a noise. It was Sherman's intercom. It made a buzzing noise.

**_BZZRT!_**

Sherman pressed a button near another speaker.

"Yes?" he asked.

"It's Calvin and Hobbes," Calvin's reply buzzed in. "We want to come down."

"You promise not to touch anything?"

"Sure."

"Okay, come in."

Sherman pressed a button, and the door upstairs slid open.

Calvin and Hobbes stepped down the winding stairs until they reached the bottom.

As he unwound his extra long scarf, Calvin looked around, and then put the coiled scarf on a nearby hat stand.

"Hey," he said. "You've redecorated."

"Oh, you noticed!" Sherman said cheerfully. "You like it?"

"Yeah, the spiraling stairs with the slide running alongside was a pretty nifty idea, and the see-through pipes running everywhere are a nice touch."

"Isn't it, though?"

"Are you two quite finished?" Hobbes grumbled.

"Hey, Andy," Calvin continued, noticing the boy for the first time.

"Hello," Andy said from under the wires.

"What's with the wires? Some Radio Shack project gone horribly wrong?" Hobbes asked.

"Nothing of the sort," Sherman said distastefully. "It's a very delicate experiment."

"He's making a radio controlled by the brain," Andy said, glaring at his hamster.

Calvin looked the giant machine over.

"Huh," he said. "Not too shabby. Make it pocket-sized, and it'll sell like _Hobnobs_."

"How does it work?" Hobbes asked.

"Not well," Andy said, grimacing.

Sherman glared at him.

"You merely think of what you want to hear, and it automatically changes to any station in the world playing that genre," he said.

"Wow," said Hobbes. "You'd think Apple would've thought of it right now."

"Hey, maybe we can get a jumpstart on claiming a name for it," said Calvin. "We'll call it…i_Radio_!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Hey, it's only a matter of time!"

"So, why are you here?" Sherman asked.

"We're bored," said Hobbes.

"Yeah, and I wasn't in the mood to put up with Socrates," Calvin added.

Just then, the door burst open.

They all looked up and saw Socrates grinning down at them.

"Hey, everybody!" he said cheerfully.

Calvin squinted his eyes shut.

"And thus, it begins," he mumbled.

Socrates simply pounced down from the stairs and landed lightly on his paws.

"Hey, Crateso," said Hobbes, walking over to him. "What brings you here?"

"I saw you heading here on my security cameras," Socrates said, still grinning.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at him.

Then Socrates laughed. "Oh, I'm just kidding!" he said. Then he stopped. "Or _am I_?!" he asked grimly.

They started to back away.

"No, really, I'm just kidding," Socrates said reassuringly.

They all rolled their eyes.

"So, how goes everything with the Andrew-Powered Radio?" he asked.

"How'd you know about it?" Sherman asked, raising his eyebrow.

Socrates looked at him.

"I have an inquiring mind," he said simply.

Sherman shook his head in annoyance.

"It's not going well at _all_!" Andy complained. "This thing makes my head itch! When can I go?"

"Hey, try to find the weather channel," Calvin advised. "I want to see what the odds are of me getting a snow day at some point this week."

"Seems a bit pointless," Andy commented.

"Oh, what do _you_ know? Your parents home school you!"

Andy rolled his eyes and began thinking.

"Okay, I'll try _weather station_," he said.

There was a pause that was followed by a scratchy noise as the needle changed direction.

They listened carefully as it changed to something else.

At that instant, a load of commercials in Latin came out.

"Huh," said Socrates. "I don't think that's right."

"Hold on," said Sherman. "I'll limit the range to local."

After flipping a switch, the needle redirected itself under the number 45.3.

Out of the speakers poured hard rock by Fist.

"We've got the '80s channel," said Hobbes.

"Yeah, try thinking of the '80s," Calvin suggested.

Andy sighed, and then began thinking of the song they heard.

The needle readjusted itself under 55.4.

"…and in the weather report," an announcer said, "a huge cold front is expected to come in, so all citizens of the tri-county area need to be ready for a city-wide snow day tomorrow."

Calvin's eyes burst open.

"Did… Did they just say…what I think they said?" he asked.

Everyone nodded.

A huge grin slid across his face.

"**_WWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTT!!_**" he cheered, and he was heard from miles around.

* * *

That night, Calvin and Hobbes crawled into bed. Calvin was wearing his purple striped pajamas.

"Let's get lots of sleep tonight, Hobbes," Calvin said. "We've got work to do tomorrow! First we're going to ride the sled down Sneer Hill!"

"Then we can have a snowball fight!" said Hobbes.

"And then we can build snowmen!"

"And then we can go ice skating!"

"And then we can ride the toboggan!"

"And then we can have hot chocolate in front of a fire!"

"And then we can hit Susie over the head with the snow shovel!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"We… Uh… We… What?"

Just then, Mom came in to tuck him in.

"Time to sleep, Calvin," she said. "Did you do your homework?"

"Mom, what different does it make? Odds are it's going to be a snow day tomorrow!"

"Well, you need to be on the safe side. It might have been wrong."

Calvin glared at her.

"That's such a _mom_ thing to say," he grumbled.

Mom kissed him on the forehead.

"Goodnight," she said, and she turned the light out and left the room.

Calvin and Hobbes snuggled under the sheets and gently closed their eyes. They lay there for about ten seconds. Then, with a **_POINK_**, their eyes burst open, and they looked out the window.

There was nothing out there yet.

They weren't discouraged, and they lay there, thinking and wishing in anticipation.

* * *

Early the next morning, Calvin slowly rolled over in his sleep. He leaned towards the dresser. Slowly, his eyes creaked open. Then they snapped open in surprise and realization.

Struggling, Calvin managed to get up out of his sleeping stupor, and he looked up at the clock on top of the dresser.

It read 8:15 AM.

He stared at it in shock.

Then, gulping, he looked over to his right towards the window.

There it was. It was snowing outside his window.

"IT'S HAPPENING!!" he cheered. "IT'S SNOWING!! HOBBES, WAKE UP!!"

Hobbes' eyes instinctively squinted shut, and then he looked around.

"Is it?!" he asked.

He saw the snow.

"IT IS!!"

"**_SNOW DAY!!_**" he cheered.

* * *

A few houses down, in the house with a fancy satellite dish, Andy was in his bed, just waking up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and glanced outside his window. His eyes opened in surprise.

"IT'S SNOWING!!" he cheered. "YES, YES, YES, **_OH YES!!!_**" he cheered.

Sherman was sleeping in his cage nearby. He opened the curtain that went around it, revealing him to having been rudely awaken, and he was wearing an absolutely _darling_ night cap.

"What are you doing?" he grunted.

"Shermie, look outside! It's snowing!" Andy said, pointing excitedly.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Yes, that's absolutely invigorating," he sighed. "I'm going back to bed."

Andy's happiness wasn't squelched. He promptly leapt out of bed and out of his room.

* * *

A few blocks down, Socrates was just now waking up in his mansion. He stretched in that cat-like way that cats stretch, and then he jumped off his bed and went around his room towards the door towards the bathroom down the hall. Once there, he pulled out a brush and started to brush his fur.

As he did this, Socrates looked casually out the window. His eyes burst open.

The snow was pouring.

"Awesome!" he said cheerfully. "Snow! Just _thinking_ about all the possible pranks I can play in the snow is giving me brain freeze!"

Socrates tossed the brush aside and ran out the bathroom door and over to the closet. He yanked the door open and pulled out a red scarf with black stripes going across it.

* * *

Calvin was dressed up for snow-time fun in minutes. He'd gotten into his hat, jacket, snow pants, boots and his eleven-foot-long multi-colored scarf.

Hobbes put on his own purple scarf, and they both ran downstairs.

Mom and Dad were at the kitchen table. Mom was frowning at the coffee maker while Dad was checking the light bulbs over the table.

Calvin and Hobbes ran by in a blur.

"HI, MOM AND DAD! BYE, MOM AND DAD!!" Calvin shouted.

They ran to the door, yanked it open and ran into—

**_WHUMP!_**

…and they collided with a mound of snow that came up to half the doorway.

They were imprinted to the pile for a few seconds before they got cold and had to get out. They cleared their faces of the snow.

"What the heck…?" Calvin asked.

"Great, now _I _have a brain freeze!" said Hobbes.

Calvin shut the door and went back to see his parents.

"What's going on?" he asked. "The snow's higher up than I am!"

"Bad news, Calvin," said Mom. "The storm last night was so powerful that it knocked over a power line and broke some cables. It's resulted in a citywide power outage and now we have no power."

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"Whoa…!" he said.

Dad grinned.

"Oh well," he said. "We might as well make the best of it. I'll start a fire and make us all oatmeal for breakfast!"

Dad immediately ran into the living room.

Mom rolled her eyes.

"Well, I'm going to make sure your father the caveman doesn't kill himself," she said, walking away.

Calvin and Hobbes watched them leave.

"Well, maybe breakfast wouldn't be bad," Calvin said at last.

He went to the pantry and pulled out a box of _Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs_. He got out a bowl and spoon and got the milk out of the fridge.

After preparing his cereal, he left the milk to the side. As he ate his cereal, Hobbes grabbed the jug of milk, and started to chug it.

Calvin noticed. "What are you doing?"

"Well, we can't just let it sit in fridge and spoil, now can we?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin shrugged and at his cereal.

* * *

Andy and Sherman were down in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

Andy put some frozen waffles in the toaster and went to the fridge for some juice. When he opened the fridge, he found that the light didn't come on.

"Huh," he said. "Sherman, the fridge light's burnt out again."

"Uh-huh. I'll put it on my list," Sherman said, not really planning to.

Andy poured himself his drink, and, to his credit, had only been sitting there for four minutes before he realized his waffles weren't getting any warmer. He checked the toaster. It was plugged it, and he had set it for the appropriate time. He furrowed his brow in concern.

"And it looks like the toaster isn't working either," he said.

"Mm-hmm," said Sherman, leaving the kitchen and heading for his lab. "I'll see to it later."

Andy rolled his eyes and went into the living room to watch TV. But when he turned it on, nothing happened. It didn't actually turn on, either. He stared in confusion.

"What the heck…?"

"ANDY, GET DOWN HERE!" Sherman shouted.

Andy whirled around and ran downstairs into Sherman's lab. He stared at it from the top of the stairs.

"Sherman, what happened?" he asked.

Sherman didn't respond at first.

"Listen!" he said suddenly. "Do you hear anything?"

Andy listened carefully. The loudest noise in the room at that moment was the beetle making its way up the side of a computer. For simplicity's sake, he said, "I can't hear anything."

Sherman whipped around and looked at him sharply. "Neither can I."

It was a tricky moment for Andy. He had two half-frozen waffles in a not-working toaster, a TV that wouldn't work, and now, it appeared, he had an insane hamster to tend to.

"Don't you get it?" Sherman asked frantically.

"Get what?"

"We can't hear anything!"

"So?"

"The computers are dead. There's no electricity. There's a blackout."

* * *

Socrates was running down the stairs of his mansion and swung off onto the second floor, and promptly entered a special room marked "DO NOT ENTER".

When he entered, he saw a bunch of blank security screens.

"Huh," he said. "Something's wrong with my surveillance program."

And he shut the door behind himself.

Once back in the hallway, he realized that none of the lights were on. He naturally tried the light switch, but nothing happened. He raised a confused eyebrow.

"Has the electricity gone on strike?" he wondered.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes, meanwhile, had finished breakfast, and they were now struggling to push their way out of the snow that blocked the door.

"Come on, Hobbes, we need to hurry! In the mood Dad's in, he'll try to get me to shovel the walk! I shouldn't have to work on my day off!" Calvin said, pulling Hobbes higher up onto the mound.

Hobbes managed to struggle up onto snowdrift, and they both looked around.

"Whoa!" Hobbes gasped.

"Wow!" said Calvin excitedly.

The entire neighborhood was blanketed by layers upon layers of snow.

"This is _awesome!_" Calvin cried. "Let's get going!"

The two of them retrieved the toboggan and ran as fast as they could towards Sneer Hill. They trudged up higher and higher into the snow-covered hills.

* * *

Andy and Sherman were in the living room, trying to figure out what to do.

They sat on the couch, looking at the blank TV.

"This is absolutely pathetic!" Sherman complained. "I can't believe we can't think of anything to do while the power is out!"

There was a pause.

Andy thought of something.

"We could—"

"No," Sherman said immediately.

"Well, how about—"

"No."

"I just think th—"

"No."

"You're not even—"

"No."

"Would you just—"

"No."

"Stop saying—"

"No."

"STOP IT!!"

"No."

* * *

Socrates wandered around the neighborhood, observing how thickly it was covered in snow.

"I wonder what caused this blackout…," he pondered.

Then he saw it.

Half-buried in the snow was a fallen power line. Cables were dangling from above.

"Ah, so _that's _how it happened," he commented.

Continuing on his way, he decided to check on the others.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes went sailing through the air.

"WHOOO!!!" Calvin cheered.

"BANZAI!" Hobbes whooped.

The toboggan landed with a _FOOM_ in the snow. It was showered everywhere.

They sailed cheerfully and dangerously along the cliffs and paths.

Calvin then yanked to the left.

They sailed off a cliff and through the air again.

"Why do you keep aiming for the cliffs?!" Hobbes shouted.

"Don't you want to see the sights?" Calvin replied.

They flew higher and higher into the air. They glanced down at the ground, which was getting further away.

"Isn't it amazing, Hobbes, how from up here the world looks so peaceful?" Calvin asked. "Like nothing could ever hurt us? If we could stay up here forever, we could live a life free from the pain and heartache that plague the existence of all who are doomed to walk the Earth."

"That's nice," said Hobbes. "I'm landing on you."

And they began to descend.

* * *

Socrates approached Andy and Sherman's house. As he came to their front porch, he saw something coming in low above him.

"Oh, look who's coming…," he said, rolling his eyes. He stepped aside.

**_SPLAT!_**

Calvin and Hobbes landed the toboggan in a snowdrift near the house.

Socrates covered himself as he was showered by snow.

After a brief stillness, Calvin and Hobbes popped out of the snow.

"HOO! THAT WAS _GREAT_! LET'S GO AGAIN!" he shouted.

"Come on," said Hobbes. "Let's try to find the toboggan. I think we lost it somewhere in this drift."

Socrates cleared his throat.

"A-_hem_!" he said.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

"Oh, hey Socrates," said Hobbes.

"Hello, boys," Socrates replied. "Having fun?"

"Yep!" said Calvin. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to check on everyone. There's a blackout going on."

"There is?"

"Calvin, we knew about that," said Hobbes.

"We did?"

"Oatmeal."

"OH! _Right_," Calvin said, remembering his insane father. "We'd better check on Andy and Sherman."

* * *

They were all inside the lab minutes later.

It was eerily quiet without the sound of computers running.

"So a power line fell down, and we're stuck without electricity?" Hobbes asked.

"Yep-er-doodles," said Socrates.

"Do we not have anything that _doesn't _run on electricity?" Calvin asked.

Sherman pondered for a moment, and then he noticed his latest invention. The Cerebellum-Powered Radio was sitting nearby.

"Well, the new radio doesn't," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe we can use it to get a better grip on what's going on."

Calvin nodded. "Sounds good to me."

"Gets my vote," said Socrates.

"Me too," said Hobbes.

"How do we get a brain-powered radio to work?" asked Andy.

They all turned and looked at him.

Andy stared back for a brief moment. Then he realized as he said, "Oh, come on!"

Minutes later, they had all hooked Andy back up to the Cerebellum-Powered Radio, and Sherman was checking over a few things.

"Okay," he said. "I've made more alterations to the machine. By copying technology from Calvin's Transmogrifier Gun, I've been able to rebuild the electric parts into telepathic technology. Now it can run simply because Andy _wills _it to."

Andy rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Come on, Andy," Calvin sighed. "Just try."

Andy nodded and concentrated. The Cerebellum-Powered Radio roared into life within seconds.

They all watched eagerly.

"Okay, now what?" Andy asked.

"I think it's '80s music that triggers it," said Socrates.

Andy immediately concentrated.

A strange scratchy sound emitted itself from the speakers.

"Uh-oh," said Calvin. "What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, it's still on Local," said Sherman, flipping a switch. "We can't get any local channels during the blackout."

Once it cleared up, Andy concentrated again. This time, old time rock came out.

"Okay, now concentrate on this," said Sherman.

Andy sighed. "This is like a different kind of brain teaser," he muttered, and concentrated again.

This time, a weather channel from the next county came out.

"Got it!" he said.

They all listened carefully.

"…and in further news, the county will remain in a blackout for approximately four days…," the announcer said.

They all stared in shock.

"FOUR DAYS?!" Andy, Sherman and Socrates yelled.

Calvin and Hobbes merely looked surprised.

"Why's it going to take so long?!" Andy demanded.

"Well, it's obvious, actually," said Sherman. "You factor in clearing a path for the repair crew, then clearing away the old pole, clearly space for a new one, _putting in _the new one, taking—"

"Okay, we get it," Hobbes muttered.

"So now what?" Socrates asked.

There was a pause.

"Wanna look for the toboggan?" Calvin asked Hobbes.

"Sure. See you guys later," said Hobbes.

They ran up the spiraling stairs and out of the lab.

The others stared at each other.

* * *

Three days went by. Three days of no electricity.

And Andy was about to crack.

Andy sat on the couch, staring, transfixed at the blank TV screen. He had a controller in his hands, and he was pretending to play a video game.

Sherman came walking into the livingroom.

He looked over at Andy.

It was clear that he hadn't bathed in three days. His hair was a mess, he was covered in dirt, and he had a small twinge of insanity in his eyes.

Sherman's went back and forth between Andy and the blank TV.

"Um... Andy..." He began. "Why don't you go listen to you're Ipod or something?"

Andy broke away from his trance long enough to look over at Sherman.

"What? What? Oh...." He paused, trying to register what Sherman had said. "The battery ran out a few hours ago and I don't have a computer to charge it up on!" He said finally, his head swinging back to the TV.

Sherman stared at him.

"Uh... don't you have one of those portal DVD players that run on batteries?"

"Dead." Andy replied, simply.

"So you're just going to sit there, pretending the electricity is on, and just stare at the blank TV in total denial?"

"Yup," Andy said.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Well, while you spent the last three and a half days feeling sorry for yourself, I've been working." He said.

Andy turned and stared at him.

"Working? How can you work if there's no electricity? You're entire lab works through the stuff!"

"I'm talking about making a generator," Sherman said, rolling his eyes. "I heard that the electric company is still trying to figure out how to get our electricity back, so I thought we should break away from them for a while,"

Andy looked up.

"Really? You can get our electricity back?! How long will it take?!" He asked, hopefully.

Sherman paused.

"Um... well, I'm not saying I'll have it done right this minute... or... today..."

Andy's expression fell.

"...but I'm getting closer to figuring out how to make it up. We'll defiantly be the first people to get our electricity back!"

Andy stared at Sherman blankly.

"I'll just go back to the lab," Sherman said, turning around.

"You do that," Andy said.

He turned back to the blank TV.

* * *

"Ah, what a glorious day!!" Socrates screamed, throwing the curtains open to his room. "Just think of all the great stuff that could happen, today!"

He whipped around and faced the blank monitor in front of him.

"And look! The electricity is still off!! AWESOME!!! It's like I'm living in 1879!"

Sure.

There was a pause.

Socrates looked around.

"Well, I suppose," he yawned. "Better get down to the livingroom, the Scifi Channel showing a brand new movie." He started towards his door. "So in other words, it's a movie that has a really high budget to make up for the lack of plot."

He started for the door, but then stopped.

"Oh, right," he said, remembering. "The electricity's off. Well, I guess I better get to work on constructing my latest prank!"

The tiger whipped around to get some blueprints out of his desk. He opened the drawer and looked it up and down.

"Hmm, I'm all out. No matter! I'll just print out some more!" The tiger whirled around to his computer. "Wait a minute, the electricity's off... I can't turn my computer on...."

He paused, again.

"Well, I guess I'll just go make myself some toast, then." He started for the door again. Then, suddenly realized that the toaster didn't work, either.

He looked all around his room. About ninety percent of the contents ran on electricity in one way or another.

"Good god, what did people _do_ back in 1879?!?" Socrates wailed.

* * *

At Calvin and Hobbes' house, things were not getting much better.

"I can't believe this!" Calvin groaned as he and Hobbes sat on the couch staring at the blank TV. "All the great TV shows are on right now, and I can't watch them! I feel like all life has been shut off for me!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Of all the times for us to loose our electricity! What does the world have against us?! I've been good to the environment, haven't I? I've never littered! I've never chopped any trees down! I've never spit gum onto the sidewalk!"

Hobbes sighed.

There was a moment of silence.

"So here I am, not being entertained!" Calvin said, finally.

There was another moment of silence.

Calvin and Hobbes continued staring at the blank screen.

"You ever notice how whenever you call up your phone service you get some guy who barely speaks English?" Hobbes asked, turning to Calvin.

"You ever notice how I'm not watching TV, right now?!" Calvin demanded, his head coming around to Hobbes.

"I see," Hobbes sighed, turning back to the blank TV screen.

Just then, Dad came into the room. He didn't look good. It was apparent that he hadn't showered or shaved in over four days. And as if all that wasn't bad enough, he had some kind of lunatic grin on his face.

"Hey, Calvin, guess what?" He said, excitedly.

"Mother Nature has just elected you the new King of the Jungle?" Calvin said, sarcastically.

"I got another big wheel barrow load of snow out the back door, we just need to melt it down, and we'll have drinking water until the electricity comes back on!" Dad grinned.

"I suppose you want me to go out with a hair dryer and melt it for you," Calvin glared at his insane father, who didn't seemed fazed at all by the remarks.

"No, I want you to go get all of our pots so we can melt it down on the wood stove!" Dad grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Doesn't that sound like fun?!"

"No," Calvin said, glaring off into space.

"Great!" Dad hollered, evidently expecting a different answer. "I'll go get the fire going!!"

And with that, modern day Tarzan ran off to get some logs.

"This is insane!" Calvin groaned. "Four days with no TV, microwave dinners, AC adaptors or water! The food in the fridge is going bad, my father is on the brink of mental breakdown, what is taking those idiots so long on getting our juice back?!?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes around.

* * *

Meanwhile, several blocks down from Socrates' mansion, the electric crew were all stationed around the broken down post.

A large group of men stood in the snow, staring at the power lines.

Just then, another group of men ran up to them.

"Alright!" One of them shouted, over the wind. "The CAUTION signs are up, the ladder has been put up against the post, those red and yellow lights are flashing around the broken power lines, and I got one of the truck's engines on!"

"Good work, men!" Another one said, patting him on the shoulder. "Now, let's hit Perkins before their generator runs out of gas!"

They all nodded, piled into a big van, and drove off.

* * *

"Alright, Andy, come here!" Sherman shouted, motioning for Andy to approach.

He, Socrates, Calvin and Hobbes were down in the lab, and Sherman had just set everything up for the brain-powered radio, again.

"No!" Andy said, stubbornly from the top of the stairs.

"Come on, Andy, you have to come think our sanity back!" Socrates plead. "I need to hear something electronic! I'm going mad!! MAD!!"

There was a pause.

"So, nothing new, huh?" Calvin asked.

Socrates glared at him.

Andy groaned, and walked down the stairs towards the radio.

"Ah, good boy!" Sherman said, nodding. "Here, Calvin, attach these to his head."

Calvin rolled his eyes, and took some wires from the radio.

He walked up to Andy, and carefully applied them to his forehead.

There was a sound of a egg timer going off, and the radio powered on.

"OK!" Sherman said, pushing some buttons. "Now let me just set the radio on the next county, here and..... There! Alright Andy, Think weather!"

Andy paused, and thought about a weather station.

The needle moved across the tuner, and landed 34.6.

Sean Paul began playing on the radio.

Everybody sighed, heavily.

Andy quickly switched his thoughts over to hip hop.

The needle started moving again, this time landing on 63.2.

Avril Lavigne started playing through the speakers.

There was a pause.

"Andy, try thinking about U2," Calvin said, suddenly.

Andy stared at him.

"That will probably just get Norah Jones playing, you know," He said.

The second Andy said 'Norah Jones' The needle swung around, again and landed on 35.7, and heavy metal rock song started playing.

"Just do it," Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

Andy shrugged and began thinking about U2.

The needle swung around to 24.3

"...And in other news, the massive power outage that occurred in that unnamed county that next to us, is now only expected to last four or five more hours, now that the electric crew has put the new post in, and is now wiring everything up." A man said through the speakers. "Now that I've covered that, please enjoy this song from Paramore."

And with that, A song from Paramore started coming out of the speakers.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Well," Sherman said, switching the radio off. "What's another three or four hours? We can last that long!"

There was a pause.

"Can't we?" Sherman asked.

"Oh.... yeah.... sure..." Socrates said. "...Why not?"

There was another pause.

"Well, good then," Calvin said. "I guess we can go home, now."

There was a third pause.

"Uuuumm... so...." Hobbes said. "I guess I'll see you later, then,"

"Alright," Socrates said, unsurely, starting to back up. "So.... bye then!"

And with that, Socrates raced to escape the awkward moment.

Calvin and Hobbes followed suit, leaving Andy and Sherman alone in the lab.

"Alright, Andy, see if you can get Peter Gabriel playing, while I try to fix the mental-transmitter," Sherman said, turning to the radio and picking up a screwdriver.

Andy groaned.

* * *

Calvin sat in his room, staring at a comic book in his hand. It was an issue of Captain Napalm which he had read three or four times.

He looked up and noticed the MTM sitting on the desk, humming silently.

"Hey, MTM!" Calvin said, holding his hand up in greeting.

"What?" MTM asked, switching his scanners over to Calvin. "Oh. Yes, hello."

"How's it hanging?" Calvin asked.

"It's hanging very well." MTM replied.

"Really?"

"Quite." MTM yawned.

"Huh." There was a short pause. "Read any good books, lately?"

"Yes," MTM replied.

Calvin paused.

"Uuuh... what was it called?"

"A Summer of Kings," MTM said. "It's a 1960s-placed story about a girl, whose family takes in an African-American man who's been accused of killing someone."

"I see," Calvin said. "Umm.... is it good?"

"As previously stated, yes." MTM said.

"Okay...." Calvin rolled his eyes around, struggling to think of something else to say. "Uuuhhh... seen any good movies, lately?"

"Yes, actually, I just finished Juno." MTM replied.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Was it good?" Calvin asked, finally.

MTM heaved a sigh.

"I'm assuming you're starting to get a little bored?" He asked.

"Well come on, there's no electricity!" Calvin moaned. "How can you not be bored?!"

"Because, all the entertainment I need is downloaded directly to my hard drive." MTM replied.

"AH HA!" Calvin shouted, pointing at the CD player. "But you have to conserve battery power, because there's no electricity to recharge you up with! You can't download anything right now!"

"Well, you have a fair point," MTM said. "My battery power ran out two days, ago, and I've just been running on solar power, which only runs the minimum amount of my features,"

"Exactly!" Calvin yelled in satisfaction. "And just remind me and yourself what your minimum features are!"

"My voice chip, my personality chip, my artificial intelligence software and my Wi-Fi Satellite Internet." MTM said.

"EXACTLY!!" Calvin screamed. "WHICH MEANS FOLLOWING THE SIMPLE LOGIC, YOU'RE JUST AS BORED AS I AM!! SO THERE!!!"

"I just got LimeWire downloaded a few minutes ago, too," MTM said, cheerfully. "It's quite a nifty program."

Calvin growled to himself, and turned away from the CD player.

He checked his watch. Three and half more hours before the electricity came back on. It had only been half and hour since he had come home from Andy and Sherman's! He felt his head aching from boredom, as he leaned forward on his bed, trying to figure out how he was going to...

"I would like to suggest a full battery-recharge when the juice is back on," MTM suddenly cut into Calvin's thoughts. "My loud speaker isn't working,"

Calvin glared at the CD player, then looked out the window.

Darkness had fallen over the town. The only source of light in Calvin's bedroom, now was the MTM's LCD screen and the Hypercube which was glowing bright blue on the desk.

Calvin, momentarily forgetting the electricity was off, tried to switch his lamp on to no avail.

"Darn it!" Calvin growled, suddenly remembering.

* * *

Over at Socrates' mansion, things weren't any better.

Socrates was trying to find his way through the darkness to the kitchen so he could get a glass of milk. Surprisingly, the food in his fridge hadn't gone bad, yet.

Socrates tiptoed through the livingroom, totally unaware of where he was going, in hopes that....

_**CRASH!!!**_

"OUCH!!!"

There was a loud crash, as the tiger collapsed over the lounge chair.

"Curses!" He growled, standing back up.

He dusted himself off, and continued.

_**BANG!!!**_

"For love of....!!!"

Socrates began hopping around on one foot, holding his other in his hand, trying to find some way to punish the non-operational entertainment system before him.

Finally, he regained himself, and continued on his quest.  
_**  
SLAM!!!**_

"RRRRGH!!" Socrates reeled back in pain, holding his nose, having walked head on into one of the walls.

Finally, Socrates just gave up, and decided to go to bed.

He turned, and started walking towards the bedroom.

_**TRIP!! CRASH!!!**_

"OH COME ON!!" The cat screamed, now laying face down in front of the trash can next to the kitchen.

* * *

Over at Andy and Sherman's, Sherman was frantically trying to get the brain powered radio to work, while Andy struggled to keep it on a station he actually liked.

Another hour and half passed.

Soon, Socrates, Andy and Sherman got sick of it, and decided to go over to Calvin and Hobbes', just so they would have something to do.

"Alright," Calvin said, walking into the room with Hobbes, Socrates, and Sherman."let's set up that radio, so we can see what's going on!"

"What radio's that, then?" MTM asked, scanning the room for whatever Calvin was talking about.

"Sherman's brain-powered radio," Hobbes said. "Andy's bringing it up."

"Ah," MTM said.

It took a couple of moments, but soon, Andy came struggling into the room, lugging the radio in with him.

"Ah, good!" Sherman said. "Now, MTM, would you help Andy, out here?"

"Why, what do you want me to do?" MTM asked.

"Andy's the only one that can operate the radio, and he can't keep his thoughts on weather," Sherman said.

"Hey!" Andy yelled, glaring at the hamster.

"I see," MTM said. "Well, I suppose I could try and scan Andrew's brain waves and let him know when he gets off track."

"Thanks," Sherman said.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and connected the wires to Andy's head. The radio quickly powered up as he did so.

"Right then, Andrew," MTM said. "Why are you thinking of 80's rock?"

"It's a glitch in the radio," Sherman said, sheepishly. "It doesn't really, uh, work right,"

"Huh," MTM said. "I'll bet I could have made it work. OK, Andy, never mind."

Andy rolled his eyes as Sherman glared at the MTM.

Andy thought hard as the needle swung around to 32.6.

Opera began playing.

Everyone glared at the radio.

"OK, wait, I think I know what I did wrong!" Andy said, holding a hand up. He quickly changed his thoughts to opera.

James Taylor began playing.

Andy instantly started thinking about James Taylor.

Linkin Park stated playing.

Andy then started thinking about Linkin Park.

Nickelback started playing.

Andy switched his thoughts over to Nickelback.

Sting started playing.

"Sherman, this is starting to get a little bit ridiculous," Andy said, glaring the hamster.

The needle swung around at Andy's words and landed on 56.8.

A song from The Black Eyed Peas started playing.

"Andy, you have to keep your thoughts focused!" Sherman said.

Andy glared straight ahead with concentration.

The radio switched over to a station playing a Within Temptation song.

"Andy!" Calvin yelled.

"I'm trying!" Andy moaned. "MTM, you're supposed to be helping!"

"What?" MTM said, evidently being pulled away from doing something else. "Oh, right. Well, how am I suppose to help if I'm trying to scan every single brain wave you give out? Did you know that studies have shown that you have over 60,000 thoughts a day?!"

"Well, what am I thinking about right, now?!" Andy demanded.

"You'll have to one out, because you have approximately 73 thoughts going on, right now," MTM said.

"Sherman, I think I'd wait until the entire world has mastered the law of attraction before I put this thing up on the market," Socrates said, turning to Sherman.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Andy, think about Evanescence," Calvin suggested.

"What, and get Peter, Paul, and Mary playing?" Andy demanded.

"Do it," Calvin growled.

Andy rolled his eyes and did so.

The needle swung around, again, and landed on 23.6.

"...And now I'll talk about the power outage situation, again," The reporter said.

"Gee, you're good," Hobbes commented.

"Thank you," Calvin said, satisfied.

Everyone glared at him.

"Reports have told us that the new post is up, the wires have been connected and power is expected to return in the next county in the next minute to a minute and a half! Heck it could even be two minutes, don't be getting you're hopes up. And now that that's all done with, please enjoy this song from Lonestar, while I sit in my little cubicle, only being paid minimum wage to tell you ungrateful fools this stuff!"

And with that, Lonestar started playing.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman paused, trying to absorb all the knowledge they had just heard.

"The.... the new post is.... is...." Andy started.

"It's in," Sherman said, his eyes, widening with realization.

"The power is coming back on?!" Socrates screamed, excitedly, jumping up and down.

"I can charge my Ipod back up!" Andy cheered.

"I can power my lab on, again!" Sherman exhilarated.

"I'll be able to see, again!!" Socrates and Hobbes both applauded.

"I can watch TV, again!!!" Calvin laughed.

"I can't believe it!" Hobbes said, overwhelmed with excitement. "The power is finally coming back on, after all this time!"

"Well, you know," Sherman said, raising a finger. "There is a lesson to learned from all this."

"Really?" MTM asked. "What's that, then?"

"That mankind has developed a too much dependency on electricity." Sherman explained. "We should all learn to be a little less conditioned to be so electric and so forth. This three days without electricity actually could have done us some good,"

There was a pause.

"Who cares?" Socrates said. "THE ELECTRICITY'S COMING BACK ON IN 90 SECONDS!!!"

Everyone began cheering, giving each other high fives and dancing across the floor, wildly.

Soon, though, it died down, and everyone found themselves grow quiet after the quick party.

There a short moment of silence. Then, Calvin spoke.

"What the heck are we supposed to do for 90 seconds?" He asked, turning to Hobbes.

**The End**

Voice Work  
**  
Pamela Segall Adlon** Calvin  
**Tom Hanks** Hobbes  
**Ryan Stiles** Socrates  
**Andrew Lawrence** Andy  
**Colin Mochrie **Sherman  
**Norman Lovett** MTM  
**Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom  
**Bill Murray** Dad / radio announcer

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Lenny's Diary


	5. Lenny's Diary

**Summary: **Rupert and Earl accidentally leave Lenny on Earth after another failed attack.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Lenny's Diary  
**

The planet Earth hung in the cold atmosphere that was space. It floated in the long rings that were the other planets that also orbited around the sun.

Watching the planet a nice distance away was a giant spaceship, possibly the size of city. It was six miles long, five miles wide, and four miles tall. It wasn't a striking ship in any sort of way. The rusty red hull and menacing structures sticking out all over seemed the most disturbing sight ever.

Within the ship, a pair of aliens were sitting in their chairs and glaring out at the little blue and green planet that floated by in the distance. They were crescent moon shaped in the head, with yellow compound eyes. Instead of arms, they had two tentacles, as well several tentacles instead of legs. They had red uniforms on with yellow belts, which had black "Z" logos on them.

They were Rupert Chill and Earl.

Their chairs were in the middle of a huge console room that circled around them, and they were surrounded by their crew. They all sat there, looking like them and wearing clothes similar to them.

They were a large crew (mostly idiots) that was also individually named.

Yes, there was Erne, Alex, Biff, Zack, Dave, Carl, Jay, Alfred, and Lenny, and they were working at the various working platforms of the ship.

How they became qualified to work on a spaceship like this was beyond anyone.

"Now approaching Earth, sirs," Alfred reported.

"Do it," Earl said firmly.

Alfred nodded and pressed some buttons on the console, and then signaled to Zack, who was working nearby.

Zack immediately typed some commands into the computers.

Outside the ship, the retros fired up and the ship began to speed along towards Earth.

The ship flew over towards the planet and was soon at a safe distance from it.

"Are we ready to initiate our plan?" Rupert asked.

"All set, sir," Erne said, grinning happily.

"Good. Beam us down."

"Down where, sir?"

Rupert stared at him.

"Down onto the planet."

"Which planet?"

"What do you mean, which planet?!"

"Well, sir, there are a lot of planets out there. There's the one next to the sun, or the small one at the edge of the circle, or that interesting red one next door to this one," Erne said, looking at his screen.

"JUST BEAM US DOWN TO THE ONE IN FRONT OF US!" Earl shouted.

"Yes, sir!" Erne said, not deterred in the least.

He pressed a red button.

Everyone in the room suddenly glowed red, and they disappeared.

**_VOOM!_**

* * *

Down in the middle of a town, in the darkened alleyway, there was a flash of red electricity.

**_VOOM! BRZAP!_**

Rupert, Earl and the crew were beamed into the alley.

They looked around.

"Is it safe?" Rupert whispered.

Biff looked around, checking all his surroundings. He looked up and down the alley, and then glanced out into the street.

No one was around.

He faced his crew.

"ALL CLEAR!!" he hollered.

Everyone jumped.

Earl slapped a tentacle over his mouth.

"Hush, you!" he hissed. "You'll give us away!"

Biff nodded sheepishly.

"Everyone ready?" Rupert asked.

The aliens nodded.

Rupert held up his right tentacle, revealing a watch. He pressed a button on it.

Instantly, he was refigured into a new human form. He now looked like a rather strong man with a leather coat, a green shirt underneath, a pair of black jeans, black boots and a short haircut.

Earl followed in suit. He pressed a button on his watch that transformed him into a smaller man. He looked slightly pudgy with a shaved head, and he wore a brown coat, a black shirt underneath, a big round nose, squinted eyes, a pair of baggy blue jeans and a pair of black sneakers.

All the other aliens did the same with their watches, all of them turning into humans wearing interesting outfits and whatnot. They all still looked simple and idiotic in their new forms.

"Whoa!" said Lenny excitedly. "I've got three holes in my head!" He stuck his fingers into his nose and mouth.

Dave tried to turn his head around.

"Can anyone get their head to swivel to the rear?" he asked.

Everyone else tried but couldn't.

"No," said Biff.

"Then how are you supposed to lick your back?" Dave complained.

Rupert and Earl rolled their eyes.

"Are you all quite finished?" Earl moaned.

Everyone nodded.

"Good. Now let's go over the plan _one more time _to make sure you don't screw everything up."

Everyone listened.

Rupert stepped forward.

"Okay," he said. "This is the town where the Earth Potentate lives. We are going to scatter around the town and hide and wait until he shows up. Once he shows up, we all emerge and surround him. He'll never be able to escape. We'll capture him and take him away. Do we all understand?"

Everyone looked zoned out.

There was a pause.

"Are they listening?" Rupert asked.

"I can never tell," Earl sighed.

The two of them then put on a pair of sunglasses.

"Let's roll," Rupert said.

* * *

They all left the alley in a herd.

Nobody seemed to notice. They were all too busy with their own pathetic lives to notice.

Rupert and Earl led their crew all across town. They made sure it was all within the vicinity of Calvin and Hobbes' house.

First, they stopped at Andy and Sherman's house.

They left Alfred there.

Alfred stood in front of the house, his arms crossed and staring straight ahead.

Next, they went to the gas station in town.

They dropped off Alex, who stood pretended he was reading a magazine as he leaned against the wall.

Then they went to the park. They stood outside it and dropped off Biff, who sat at the bench near the entrance. He took out a pair of sunglasses and stared off into space.

They went to Brown's General Store. There they dropped off Lenny and Zack.

Lenny pretended he was making a selection from the candy aisle, and Zack picked up a newspaper and sat at a table, pretending to read it.

Next, they stopped at the supermarket. There, they dropped off Erne.

Erne pretended he was getting something to buy.

Then they came to a bus stop.

They left Carl and Jay there, who pretended to be waiting for the bus.

Finally, they stopped at Socrates' mansion. They dropped off Dave, who put his hands behind his back and looked around.

Once everyone was where they needed to be, Rupert and Earl stood in the middle of the town.

"And now, we wait," said Rupert.

There was a pause.

Then Earl's phone rang.

**_BEEDLE! BEEDLE! BEEDLE!_**

Earl pulled it out.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I'M _BORED_!" Alfred whined.

"Shut up!" Earl grumbled, and he hung up.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were relaxing in their room, reading magazines.

"Huh," said Calvin. "Amazingly, it turns out that the tongue is a pretty good organ to see with."

Hobbes continued reading for a moment before his eyes grew wide and he realized what Calvin had said.

"Wait…," he said. "To _see_ with? You mean, visually?"

"Yeah, apparently Dr Bach-Y-Rita has proven t hat blind people can 'see' through their tongue. A strip of electrodes, pressed up to the tongue, can carry a camera's signal to the brain. It's not perfect, but they _can_ see. Even weirder, the Navy is working on a way to hook sonar up to divers' tongues. In tests, a diver 'saw' with sonar, finding an object in a pool, even with his eyes closed. Theoretically, it could work with infrared, too, allowing soldiers to see in the dark with their tongue."

There was a long pause as Hobbes looked at him, eyes bugging out, but his expression blank.

"I can not stress this enough," Hobbes said at last. "You humans scare the living heck out of me."

Calvin shrugged.

"Can we go to the General Store?" Hobbes sighed. "I want something to eat."

"Sure," said Calvin, putting the magazines away. "I got some cash on me."

They got off the bed and left the house.

As they walked along the street, they noticed a man dressed strangely standing in front of the Andy and Sherman's house.

The man seemed to be watching them.

Feeling at a little unease, they hurried along the sidewalk towards the next block.

"That was weird," Calvin muttered.

The man (Alfred) reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone and spoke into it.

"He's coming," he said.

Next, Calvin and Hobbes walked past Socrates' mansion, and along the way, they saw another man (Dave) wandering around and staring at the sky.

"What's _he _doing?" Hobbes asked.

"I think he's bird-watching," Calvin said, not caring. "Come on. I'm hungry."

They continued on their way.

As they reached the halfway mark, they noticed a crowd of people coming towards them.

"Uh, Hobbes?"

"Yeah?"

"Ever get the feeling you're being monitored?"

"Or the feeling that you're about to do a double-take?"

They both stopped walking, and then realized they had been entrapped in a circle of people. All of whom were wearing sunglasses.

"This is creepy," Calvin whispered.

"We need to get away from here," Hobbes said through his teeth.

"Oh, I wouldn't try that if I were you," said the man in the trench coat. "You're both about to meet a very nasty end."

Calvin stared at him.

"And you are…?" he asked.

The man removed his sunglasses, revealing a pair of bloodshot eyes underneath.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him, and they figured it out within seconds.

"RUPERT!!" Calvin screamed, leaping into Hobbes' arms in fear.

"Hello, Earth Potentate," Rupert grinned. "You remember my crew?"

Calvin and Hobbes looked around in surprise.

"Whoa," said Hobbes. "I haven't seen such fashion disasters since the John Nathan-Turner thought question marks were fashionable."

"Well, fair play to the actors," Calvin sighed. "Not a lot of men can make punctuation look decorative."

"Enough of this!" Earl said, stepping next to Rupert. "ATTACK!"

The aliens-turned-humans slowly began to attack.

Calvin and Hobbes watched them stagger over.

Rupert and Earl noticed their pace.

"FASTER, YOU IDIOTS!" Rupert shouted.

"It's these new legs!" Dave complained. "We aren't used to them. It's been awhile since we've had them."

"JUST RUN AT THEM!"

Giving it their all, the aliens all charged at Calvin and Hobbes.

"Hobbes, this would be a good time to pounce," Calvin whispered.

"If I do that, can I cower for the rest of this scene?" Hobbes asked.

"Whatever."

"Check."

Just as the aliens were about to attack, Hobbes reared up and pounced over the aliens with Calvin on his shoulders. He landed softly outside the ring, and then dropped Calvin on the ground as he instantly vanished.

**_SHOOM!_**

Calvin sat on the ground for a moment glaring at him, and then he got up to face the aliens.

"ALRIGHT!" Calvin shouted. "WHO WANT SOME OF THIS?!" He reached into his pocket.

"Ooh! Is it cookies?" Biff asked excitedly. "I want cookies!"

Calvin pulled out the Transmogrifier Gun, and he zapped the aliens down like bowling pins.

They all got to their feet again, moaning.

"GET THEM!!" Rupert shouted, pointing.

Dave and Alfred leapt forward and attacked Calvin, but Calvin tucked and rolled under them. They crashed on top of each other.

Calvin then faced off Carl and Jay. The two of them stood on either side of Calvin, and they both started running towards him. Acting quickly, Calvin ducked down and managed to avoid them.

**_SMACK!_**

Carl and Jay smashed into each other, and then both tipped over onto their backs, dazed.

Next, Alex tried to jump atop Calvin, but his human body wasn't very strong, so Calvin was able to get free and zap him.

**_BRZAP!_**

"ACK!" he screamed.

Alex was catapulted through the air, and he landed on top of the others.

"Okay, this is getting boring," Calvin sighed. "Are we just about done?"

Suddenly, Lenny, Erne, Biff and Zack were upon him.

"Apparently we want to drag this thing out, huh?"

He immediately pulled out his gun and started to fire lasers at them.

**_BRZAP! BRZAP! BRZAP! BRZAP!_**

They flew through the air and landed on the ground, sprawled across the place.

"RUN AWAY!" Zack shouted.

The aliens immediately retreated back to their original hiding places.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU FOOLS!" Rupert shouted.

But the aliens wouldn't listen.

Rupert and Earl glanced back at Calvin, scowled, and then ran after their crew.

Calvin watched them for a brief moment.

"Well, that was stimulating," he muttered. "Hobbes? They're gone now!"

Hobbes walked up next to him.

"What were we doing?" he asked.

"General store."

"Ah, then off we go."

And with that brief crisis over, they continued on their way.

* * *

Rupert and Earl looked all around the town, but the crew was gone.

"Well, _that _was a waste of time!" Rupert grumbled.

"Where the heck did they go?!" Earl demanded.

The entire crew had vanished.

"Hopefully they all went back to their stations to cower," Rupert said. "We'll round them up and try again later."

"Do we remember where we put them?" Earl asked.

"Of course! We're not idiots! We left Biff at the gas station!"

He paused.

"Or was it Dave?"

Earl sighed.

* * *

They spent a good part of the day attempting to retrace their steps all over town. They managed to go to all the places they had been. They picked up Erne, Alex, Biff, Zack, Dave, Carl, Jay and Alfred from all their places.

They gathered back in the alley.

"Is this everyone?" Rupert asked.

Earl looked amongst the simple-looking aliens.

"Think so," he said.

"Good. Now let's get out of here. This leather coat is beginning to chafe."

"Okay, crew! We're beaming up to the ship to restrategize," Earl announced.

"Can we have lunch first?!" Erne asked eagerly.

Earl rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, holding up a remote, and he pressed the button.

**_VOOM! BRZAP!_**

They all were zapped up into space once again in a field of red light.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes stood in the aisles of Brown's General Store.

They began to pile up candy and comic books into a cart.

"Let's see… Have we got everything?" Calvin asked.

"Depends. How much money to do you actually have?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out some money.

"Hmmm…," he said, counting it all. "It would appear as though I have approximately…six dollars and fifty-three cents."

"Huh," said Hobbes. "We should probably put the CDs back…"

"Yeah."

They sifted through all they had until they finally had the desired amount.

"Okay, this should adequately get us through the next few hours," Calvin decided.

"Quite," Hobbes agreed.

They took their purchases to the check-out counter. Everything got paid for, and Calvin loaded it all into the hypercube before they took off.

They left the store and set off for home.

"Okay, we got that done and over with," Calvin said. "Now then, back to our doldrums."

"Yup."

As they walked, however, they noticed someone was standing at the corner.

"Hey, who's that?" Hobbes asked.

The man was wearing a tacky Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts, a straw hat, and a pair of sunglasses.

The sunglasses gave it away.

"It's one of Rupert's crew!" Calvin whispered.

"I could've guessed," Hobbes sighed.

"What do we do?"

"He seems harmless. Let's just ignore him."

They casually walked by the alien.

They had just gotten past him when…

"Hey, Earth Potentate!"

Calvin and Hobbes winced as they screeched to a halt.

"Drat," Calvin said through his teeth.

They both turned to face the alien.

"…_Hello_," they both said in unison, almost forcing it out.

The alien grinned simply.

"Are we done fighting?" he asked.

"Yes, yes we are," Hobbes said quickly, nodding vigorously.

"Oh, okay. I wonder where the others are."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"You haven't seen them?" Calvin asked.

"Well, I saw Rupert and Earl come and take Zack away. They didn't see me though. I figured they didn't need me."

"Did you see anything else?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, I saw a bright red flash that looked like the one that we came here in."

There was a pause.

"I don't think we should wait for him to figure it out," Hobbes sighed.

Calvin nodded.

"You got a name, pal?" he asked.

"Lenny," the alien said cheerfully.

"Well, Lenny, it appears that Rupert and Earl have left you behind for a little while. I guess that means you're our responsibility until they remember you."

"YAY!"

"What?!" Hobbes asked, annoyed. "Why us?"

"Hobbes, what if something happens to him? What if his disguise thing malfunctions? Lenny could get captured by the FBI!"

"And that's our problem…_how_?"

Calvin glared at him.

Just then, Socrates approached them.

"Hey, guys!" he said.

"Hey, Socrates," said Hobbes.

"Hi, Red-Tailed Tiger!" said Lenny excitedly.

Socrates stared at him.

"And you are…?" he asked.

"That's Lenny," said Calvin. "You remember? From Earl's crew?"

Socrates stared.

"Oh," he said, looking Lenny over. "Uh…have you had a lift or something lately?"

"It's a disguise," Calvin said. "The aliens attacked us in human form, failed and accidentally left him here."

Socrates nodded. "I see," he said. "And what are we planning on doing with him?"

"'We'?" Calvin asked, glaring at him.

"Well, obviously you'll need me for this! I mean, who else could possibly keep this young man out of trouble and do a better job than me?"

"I dunno… Alec Baldwin?"

"Ouch," said Hobbes, wincing.

Socrates rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," he said. "What's our first order of business?"

"He stays at _your_ house," they both said at once.

Socrates stared.

"I beg your pardon?!" he demanded.

"Hey, you wanted in, so here you go," said Hobbes. "He can't stay with us! Your house is big enough for him to stay in and no one will find him."

"Right, that's settled," Calvin said, squelching Socrates' protests. "Now then, we need to see Sherman about this."

"Oh, why Sherman?" Hobbes groaned.

"Hey, we got _your _annoying friend involved! Now we're getting _my_ annoying friend involved!"

"Since when is Sherman your friend?" Socrates demanded.

"Since around the end of the second season. Let's go, Lenny. We're going to go see a talking hamster."

Lenny's eyes burst open from the daze he'd been in all this time.

"ROCK _ON_!" he cheered. "HAMSTERS ARE _AWESOME!! LET'S GO!_"

He ran off, dragging Calvin behind him.

Hobbes and Socrates watched.

"Well, this should be nothing short of a disaster," Hobbes sighed.

* * *

Sherman was working alone in his lab.

He had two tiny beakers, one filled with a green substance and the other filled with a blue.

He slowly held the green substance over the blue, and began to let a small drop of it fall into the other beaker.

The drop fell out into the other beaker, and mixed with the other chemical. It began sizzling, wildly, and the color changed to red.

Sherman grinned, and took his goggles off.

"Excellent!" He said. "The two substances aren't deadly. Now, let me just record this...."

Sherman was reaching for a tiny notebook when suddenly, the lab door burst open.

"SHERMAN! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!" Socrates screamed, tumbling down the stairs into the lab. "THERE'S AN EMERGENCY GOING ON!"

"AAAUGH!!" Sherman dropped the beaker in shock, and it shattered all over the floor. The chemical hissed and sizzled on the tiles, and soaked in.

Sherman stared in horror, then he turned a glare onto Socrates.

"You stupid cat! Look what you've done! Do you have any idea what that was?!" He screamed.

Socrates turned and stared at the red stain on the floor.

"Cherry Koolaid? How am I supposed to know?" He demanded, looking up at the hamster.

"That was a very rare chemical that could have created the perfect sun block!!" Sherman groaned. "And you've destroyed it!"

"Huh, weird," Socrates said. "Anyway, we have an emergency going on. Thought you might be interested."

"What is more important than my research?!" Sherman demanded, glaring at the tiger.

Just then, Lenny came walking into the lab.

"Whoa!" He said in utter shock, looking around the room. "We've found the legendary Dexter's Laboratory!"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

Sherman stared at the alien.

"Who's that?" He demanded.

"Uh, Sherman, remember Rupert and Earl?" Calvin asked. "Those two intergalactic lunatics that have that moron idea that I'm the Earth's leader?"

"Yeah," Sherman said, his brow furrowing.

"Well, they just attacked me, again, and this time they've left one of their own behind when they retreated," Hobbes said.

"Attacked you?" Calvin demanded. "I'm the one they're after!"

"Sorry, that was just a little bit of paranoia coming out, there," Hobbes said.

Calvin, Socrates and Sherman rolled their eyes.

"Well, what the heck are we supposed to do with him?" Sherman questioned. "If you think I'm hiding him from those idiots inside the government then you're badly mistaken!"

"No, actually, we've taken care of that," Calvin said. "Socrates is going to be babysitting him until Rupert and Earl come back."

"I like mittens!" Lenny suddenly cut in, a stupid grin plastered all over his face.

"Whatever," Calvin said, waving him off. "We just came to you, so you can study the guy and figure out what we have to do to keep him alive,"

"What are you talking about?" Socrates asked. "He looks fine to me,"

"Zokians have a different molecular structure than us," Sherman said. "They're designed to withstand intense amounts of heat so they can survive on Zok. In order to keep from freezing to death on this planet, they need heat increaser tablets. Their lungs are also adapted to a different form of oxygen, so they need to take oxygen adaption tablets to keep from suffocating, here."

"Ouch," Socrates said.

"Plus these guys don't even speak English," Calvin said, pointing at Lenny, who was staring at the ceiling, grinning. "They have a language simulator that allows them to talk to different species. If that tablet wears off, we won't understand a single word this moron is saying."

"Do we, anyway?" Hobbes asked.

"There's a lot of squares on the ceiling," Lenny said, happily, staring straight up at the tiled ceiling.

"I think I can easily replicate all three of these tablets," Sherman said. "I just need to know how much warmer he needs to be and what oxygen his lungs are used to breathing."

"Good, then! So we'll just leave him with you for right now!" Hobbes said, as he and Calvin started to back up.

"Wait a minute, I didn't say..." Sherman began, but Socrates cut him off.

"Bye, Vermin. Have fun studying him!" And with that, the three turned, and ran, leaving Sherman alone with the little lunatic.

* * *

Later on, Sherman had drug Andy down to help him, and they had both hooked Lenny up to bio-feed equipment. Explaining to him what they were doing was a duty in itself.

"It's a chemical analyzer designed to split the information of your DNA signature so I can determine what form of chemicals are needed to replicate the tablets," Sherman said, uninterestedly, pushing some buttons on his computer.

Lenny stared at the hamster.

"But I don't want to sign my name, right now!" he whined.

Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

"Ok, it's a magical device that's going to give you whatever you want if you just hold still and shut up," Andy said.

"Can I have a pony?!" Lenny asked, excitedly.

"Yeah, whatever, just clam up for a second," Sherman growled, pushing more buttons.

Lenny watched.

"Can I have a Blue Planet Run brand shoe?" He asked, suddenly.

"Yeah, OK, whatever," Andy said, waving him off.

"Really?" Lenny asked, his eyes growing wide. "Oh boy! I've always wanted one of those shoes! They always look so blue and planet-y and runny and...."

"SHUT UP!!" Andy and Sherman both hollered, finally.

"Okay," Lenny grinned, stupidly.

Sherman shook his head, with frustration, and pulled a lever down.

A digital outline of Lenny's human form came onscreen, followed shortly by a dimmer outline of his alien form over the top of his human form.

Sherman studied it.

"Interesting," He said, finally, turning to Andy. "It appears to a holographic disguise unit,"

"Holographic?" Andy asked. "Does that mean the alien is just right underneath a little bit of light?"

"Well, yes and no," Sherman said. "It's a hard-light hologram, much similar to Retro's. When the aliens switch over to human, the hologram literally molds their physical shape into that of a human. All the hologram does is change their skin color, adds hair, fingernails, and so on, so that they look human. That's why their eyes remain alien and they have to wear sunglasses. If the hologram worked over the eyes, they wouldn't be able to see."

Andy gave Sherman a blank stare.

Sherman stared back.

"You did understand that, didn't you?" Sherman said, his brow furrowing.

"Sort of," Andy said.

"But this technology," Sherman said, turning back to the screen. "It's insane! These guys must be... geniuses!"

Andy and Sherman turned back to Lenny.

He was staring off into space with a goofy grin on his face.

"This is kind of like sending the royal clown to represent the king, huh?" Andy said, turning to the hamster.

Sherman sighed.

* * *

"Alright, Lenno," Socrates said, leading Lenny into his mansion. "Hey, how about that? Lenno? That totally works! Anyway, I must set some ground rules for the mansion, so listen up!"

"What time are grapes?" Lenny asked.

"Yes, of course you are," Socrates said, waving him off. "Anyway, here are the rules. Under no circumstances can you leap on top of me, and lay your eggs in my throat."

Lenny blinked in confusion.

"Rule two," Socrates continued, counting off on his fingers. "No attempts to take down Earth's defenses after nine o'clock."

Lenny nodded and grinned.

"Rule three," Socrates said, sternly. "And we went over this on the way here, should any strangers come to the door and knock, and I'm not around, what do you do?"

Lenny's eyes blanked out. Then, he screwed up his face in concentration.

"Uuh... Wait I know this...." He said. "Uuuh.... Pull on the chain next to the door, and drop the bucket of mayonnaise and honey onto them."

"Good job, Lenny," Socrates said, patting him on the back. "You're learning quickly. Just don't be stupid for a while, and things will go swimmingly."

"Can I have your ear lobes?"

"No,"

"Okay,"

"Just go watch TV, learn about Earth, and don't touch anything." Socrates said, pointing at the TV, and heading for the stairs. "I'll be in my room. And remember our little rule for when I'm in my room?"

"Yep!" Lenny said. "When you're in your room, you might as well be nonexistent to me!"

"Good," Socrates said, going up the stairs. "I'll be back in a few hours to check up on you,"

And with that, Socrates rounded a corner and vanished.

For several seconds, Lenny just stood there grinning like some kind of lunatic at where Socrates had been, then his eyes fixed over onto the TV. Then, over to the remote control sitting next to a blue chair.

He grinned again, tore his sunglasses off, threw them on the desk, and sat down on the chair.

He grabbed the remote, and turned the TV on.

It was already on the All Pranking Channel. Lenny stared at the program that was on. It was a documentary about the history of the whoopee cushion. In other words, it was the All Pranking Channel's version of Nova.

Lenny watched it for a moment, before pushing the "channel up" button. Surprisingly, the remote control is the only electrical device this guy knows how to use.

Unbelievable.

"THIS IS EYEWITNESS NEWS! THE NEWS LEADER!" The TV announcer said as the CBS logo flipped over the screen.

Lenny stared blankly at the TV.

A news anchor woman appeared on screen.

"Hello, I'm Stacie Duce." She said. "Tonight, an armed robbery has taken place at the Farmer's State Bank and....."

This is how far Lenny got into it before his attention began to wander.

He began staring at a butterfly that was fluttering around the open window.

Suddenly, his eyes blanked out, as he realized that his mouth had suddenly gone dry.

"Wow," He said. "I'm thirsty."

He stood up, stumbled over his legs for a second, then made his way to the kitchen.

He scanned it for a second, then spotted the facet.

He grinned, and walked over to it.

He turned the knob, and water began pouring out.

Lenny stared at it in confusion.

"This isn't lava," He observed staring at the blue liquid falling out.

He scratched his head, momentarily forgetting that he wasn't on Zok.

He reached forward with a finger, slowly, and put it underneath the flow of water.

"YEEEEE-OUCH!!!!!!" He screamed, yanking his hand back, holding it in pain, and stumbling backwards.

He crashed into the refrigerator, knocking it over, and causing the whole house to shake.

* * *

Socrates' head burst up from the prank he was constructing on a piece of blue construction paper, and looked towards his door.

"Oh no," He moaned, jumping up, and running to the door, wondering what the alien could have possibly done to his mansion.

He flew down the stairs towards the living room, looked around frantically, then dove into the kitchen.

Lenny was curled up on the floor, his hand in his mouth, with the fridge on the floor as well and the facet running.

"What are you doing?" Socrates demanded.

"My hand's really cold!" Lenny groaned.

Socrates' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

* * *

"You have to keep him away from water!" Sherman yelled, sternly, examining Lenny's hand in his lab, later on. "I already told you that Zokians are adapted to extremely hot climates! They have lava on Zok, cat, not water!"

"Well come on!" Socrates said. "I didn't think the idiot would go and burn himself!"

"Thanks for putting that magic creme on me!" Lenny grinned at Sherman. "My hand feels all good, again!"

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

"Evidently we're going have to stock up on the products this moron needs," Calvin said, scratching his head.

"Well what does he need?" Hobbes asked. "We don't even know what he eats!"

"You like fruit snacks?" Andy asked, turning to Lenny.

"Are you an onion?" Lenny asked.

"We'll get fruit snacks," Andy said.

* * *

"WHOA!!" Lenny yelled, his eye wide underneath his sunglasses. "I've never been in an Earth food place before!"

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates rolled their eyes.

"Alright, Lenny try not to be stupid for the next fifteen minutes so we can get something for you to eat," Hobbes sighed.

"Ho-kay!" Lenny grinned, obviously not hearing what Hobbes had said.

They all sighed, and Calvin took out a list.

"Alright, this guy is used to hot foods, so we'll get him anything Mexican." He said, going over a list he had made.

"Can I have fruit snacks?" Lenny asked.

"Whatever," Calvin said, waving him off. "Now let's go and get this over with."

And with that, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates walked off. Evidently assuming that Lenny would follow them.

For a while, Lenny just stood there, staring off into space with a ridiculous grin on his face.

People walked past him, staring at the idiotic attire he was wearing.

One of the employees walked up to him, suddenly.

"Um, sir," He began.

Lenny gave him a confused look.

"My name's not sir," He said.

"Sorry," the employee said, rolling his eyes. "Uh, may I help you?"

"No, I got it!" Lenny grinned, stupidly.

There was a moment of silence.

The employee coughed into his hand.

"Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to move out the doorway so people can get through." He said, crossing his arms.

"Okay!" Lenny grinned again, and with that he turned his head, and went back to staring off into space.

There was another moment of silence.

The employee blinked.

"Ahem!" he said, starting to get annoyed.

Lenny looked over at him, again.

"Oh, hi! I'm Lenny!" He grinned, again.

"Do I have to call security?" The employee growled, crossing his arms.

Lenny paused.

"Could you give me a hint?" He asked.

The employee acquired a dark glare.

"I didn't study for this test!" Lenny whined.

"HEY!!" Calvin screamed, running up. "What the heck are you doing?!"

Lenny turned and grinned at Calvin.

"Oh, hi! Are we fighting, again?" He asked.

"No, we're not fighting again! What have you done to this poor..... guy?" He asked, looking over at the employee.

"Do you know this man?" The employee asked, pointing at Lenny.

"Yes. No.... Sort of...." He thought for a moment. "No, I don't, really. He's my insane cousin from..... That one state over by..... another state."

There was a pause.

"Well, I guess we better be moving along," Calvin coughed. "Come on, Lenny," He growled Lenny's name through gritted teeth.

Upon hearing his name, Lenny snapped out of the trance he was in, grinned again, and walked over to Calvin, who lead him away, grumbling under his breath.

The employee stared after them, blinked, then walked away, wondering what had just happened.

* * *

"I can't believe we wasted all that time!" Earl moaned, rubbing his temple. "We could have spent that time taking over another planet!"

"We better stop obsessing over it," Rupert said. "We'll only make it worse. Let's get to work on our next plan. Where's the crew?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Earl sighed. "Last I saw them, they were in the main control room, waiting for a bus. Who knows where they are, now."

Rupert sighed, and pushed a button on his coat.

"AUTO-TRANSPORT ACTIVATED," A robotic voice said.

BRZAP!!

Suddenly, the crew appeared in front of Rupert and Earl with a flash of blue light.

They were all lined up by twos as if they were sitting in a bus, and Erne, who was standing in the front, was obviously the driver.

Rupert and Earl stared at them.

"I don't even want to know where you delusional idiots were," Earl sighed.

"We were in a bus," Alex grinned. "We were going to the place made of cheese!"

They all nodded.

Rupert and Earl rolled their eyes.

"Alright, let's get down to business. Now as you all know we have been in orbit with planet Earth for the past few days."

There was a moment of silence, in which the crew gave Earl a blank, unblinking stare.

Earl stared at them.

"You do know that we've been in orbit with Earth for the past few days, don't you?" He asked.

The crew stared at Earl, blankly.

Earl's eyes slammed shut.

"Do any of you know why we're here at Earth?"

Blank stares.

"Do any of you know what we've been doing on Earth for the past few months?!"

"Oh you mean that's Earth?" Erne asked, pointing out the window.

"That planet you've been talking to us about for the last five months?" Alfred asked.

All at once wild, excited conversation broke out between the aliens.

Earl suddenly developed a strong urge to wring all of their necks, one at a time.

Rupert came up.

"Let me see if I can handle the little morons." He said.

Rupert stepped up in front of the aliens.

He cleared his throat, and took a deep breath in.

"SHUT U-U-U-U-U-U-UP!!!" He screamed, making the ship rattle.

The conversation died down, as all attention was directed to Rupert.

"Now," he said, calmly. "Do any of you know who the Earth Potentate is?"

Rupert received blank stares.

"Alright." He sighed. "Does anybody have the slightest idea at all what we're doing and what we have been doing since summer last year?"

Zack rolled his eyes around, and raised his tentacle.

"Yes, Zack?" Rupert asked, turning. "Any idea will do. What have we been doing since last year, and still trying to do, today?"

Zack paused for a second.

"Eating a banana?" He said, finally.

There was a long moment of silence.

Rupert and Earl remained frozen on the spot, staring at Zack with their compound eyes.

Finally Earl spoke.

"OK, tentacles up, who else thinks that our ultimate goal in the universe is to eat a banana?"

Guess what happened next?

The entire crew raised their tentacles into the air.

Rupert slapped his forehead, and Earl's head fell to his chest.

Is it any wonder why they haven't been able to kill Calvin, and take over the world?

Earl's head came back up.

"Alright, fine, go ahead and think that. We need to get the ship heading back to Zok. Lenny go activate the hyperdrive."

There was a moment of silence.

"Lenny!" Earl called, again. "Activate the hyperdrive!"

Nobody answered.

The entire crew stood in line, grinning at Earl.

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances.

"Lenny?" He asked.

There was no reply.

Earl swung around to Jay.

"You. Where's Lenny?" He asked.

Jay looked up.

He turned around and faced the crew.

"Lenny?" He asked.

No one answered.

Jay turned back to Earl and shrugged.

Earl's eyes slammed shut.

"Do any of you know where Lenny is?" Rupert asked, looking around the crowd.

Do you know what happened, next? The entire group of aliens started turning to each other, and saying in an endless loop, "Lenny? Lenny? Lenny? Lenny?"

Then, they all turned around and started grinning at Rupert and Earl, again, shrugging.

Rupert and Earl stared at them for a long moment.

Finally, Earl turned to the computer.

"Computer, locate crew member fourteen," he sighed. "Activation code 2357471."

"Crew member 014, Lenny, is currently not present on Zokian space craft." The computer voice said.

"What do you mean he's not present?!" Rupert demanded. "He didn't leave the ship did he? Computer, confirm missing spacesuit for crew member fourteen!"

"No spacesuits have been checked out." The computer said.

"Did he take the suit without checking it out?" Earl growled.

"All spacesuits have been accounted for," The computer said.

"Oh god," Rupert groaned. "Where is the idiot?"

"Current location of crew member 014, Earth," The computer replied.

"What?" Earl growled. "How is that....."

Rupert and Earl's eyes popped open with realization.

"....Oh...." Rupert finally said.

Earl sighed, heavily, and turned to the crew.

"Alright you morons, get ready. We're going back down to Earth," He said.

"HOORAY!!!" They all screamed, their tentacles flying into the air.

* * *

"Okay, let's see what we got here," Calvin said, going through a grocery bag back at Socrates' mansion. "Fruit snacks, green peppers, hot sauce for him to drink, a big package of canned chili, that really spicy dip who's name I can't remember right now, a bunch of things from Taco Bell, and I don't know what this is, but it has a picture of a sombrero on it, so it has to be spicy."

"I'm thirsty!" Lenny whined.

Calvin handed him the bottle of hot sauce.

Lenny unscrewed the lid, and took several big gulps out of it.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Finally, Lenny pulled it away from his lips.

"Aaaaaah!! Hey, this stuff it good! I needed a nice cold drink! What is it?"

"It's hot sauce," Hobbes said.

"Is it a popular soft drink?!" Lenny grinned.

"No, it's for people who enjoy torturing their tongues and throats." Socrates said.

"COOL!" Lenny yelled. "I need to get more of this stuff!!"

And with that, Lenny went back to noisily chugging it.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates rolled their eyes.

* * *

BRZAP!!

There was a flash of blue light, and Rupert, Earl and the alien crew all appeared in the alleyway, again in their holographic human suits.

"Alright," Rupert said, pulling out a small device from his pocket. "Do all of us remember the plan?"

Rupert and Earl looked up.

Everyone was giving him blank stares.

Earl heaved a sigh.

"The Earth Potentate has captured Lenny, and is holding him as a prisoner. We have to get him back. It's not that hard to remember!" He yelled.

"He's yelling, again," Alex whispered to Dave.

"What did he say?" Dave whispered back.

"I think it was something about his socks," Zack whispered to him.

Once again, Earl had to fight back the urge to walk over and wring all their necks, individually.

Rupert rolled his eyes, and went to work and typing into the small device in his hands.

"Alright, he's this way, come on," He said, walking off.

Earl followed him.

The crew paused, then followed, too.

* * *

By this time, Lenny was pigging out on all of the Mexican food. He had drank three bottles of hot sauce, ate seven beef burritos, an entire package of chili, three cans of green peppers, and he was currently half way through a container of spicy dip.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched him, expressionlessly.

"How's the food?" Andy asked, suddenly.

Lenny looked up. He had hot sauce all over his face.

"It's pretty good!" He grinned, happily. "A little cold, but delicious!!"

And with that, he went back to gobbling.

"That stuff burns my throat and tears my eyes up if I so much as smell it," Andy groaned.

"Do you have anymore hot sauce! I'm thirsty, again!" Lenny whined.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and threw Lenny another bottle.

Lenny caught it, ripped the cap off, and began chugging, again.

"He hasn't taken an oxygen adaption tablet in a couple hours," Sherman said, looking up. "Don't you think we should...."

"Slipped one into the chili," Socrates said, rolling his eyes. "I predict that's how Rupert and Earl give it to them in the first place,"

"I have absolutely no idea what we're supposed to do with this guy," Hobbes sighed. "He's a hopeless idiot, he's on a planet that's dangerous to his physical health, he's attracting the notice of people which is going to get to those alien obsessed government agents, and we don't even know if Rupert and Earl are going to miss him."

"Yeah, it's not like any of the crew members have an individual personality." Andy said.

There was a moment of silence, cut only by Lenny's loud slurping, trying to get every drop of hot sauce out of the bottle.

"Well," Socrates said, finally. "Who wants to play monopoly?"

* * *

Rupert and Earl walked up to the front gate of Socrates' mansion.

The device in Rupert's hand began beeping.

"All sensors indicate that Lenny is inside this building," He said, turning to Earl.

"It's a big house," Earl observed. "They could be doing anything to the poor moron right now."

"Well, we better burst in and save him," Rupert said. "He's the only one of the crew who partially understands how the main control desk works."

Rupert and Earl started towards the gate. Then, suddenly, Rupert stopped, and he held a hand out to stop Earl.

"Wait a minute," He started, looking around Socrates' sidewalk. "Let's send the crew through, first,"

Earl examined the area, and nodded.

"Hey!" He said, turning to the aliens.

They all looked up and grinned.

"Yes, Earl?!" They all chimed.

"Go walk up to the front door of that house," Earl grinned, pointing at the front door of the mansion.

They all stared at him.

"How come?"

"Because there's invisible ice creme on the porch, I don't know," Rupert said. "Just do it."

The crowd all exchanged glances, shrugged, and started for the gate.

Rupert and Earl backed away and watched with great interest.

Bill made the first step into the yard, and he walked over a piece of string, snapping it.

SNAP! TWANG!!!

A pie flew threw the air, barely missing Bill, and hitting the fence.

Next Alex walked in, stepping on a mechanism on the sidewalk.

CLICK PANG!!!!!

Alex stepped off just in time, as the sidewalk square shot into the air, sending several pieces of dirt into the air.

Dave walked in, and stepped through a small red light, running across the yard.

FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! FOOM!

Several land mines went off in the yard, throwing smoke, dirt and confetti into the air. None of the aliens seemed fazed by it.

Nets flung through the air. Toy darts flew across the yard. Buckets of mayonnaise, honey, glue, and mustard went sailing across the grass. Trap doors opened up. Some form of green liquid was flying around in all directions. All of them missed the aliens.

SNAP! CRASH!!! BOOM!! CLICK!! BANG!! PING!!! BOOOOONG!!! TWANG! FWOOM! DITTA-DITTA-DITTA-DITTA-DITTA-DITTA-DITTA!! SPLAT!!! BAM!!! ZAP!! ZIIIIIP!! BRZAP!! K-K-K-K-K-K-K-SSSHHH!!!! SPLUT!! BLAM!!! FLING!!!!!! WHIIIRRRRRRRR!!!!!! CLANG!!! ZZZZZZZT!!! WHOOSH!!! KA-BOOM!!

Rupert and Earl watched as the crew all set off several traps one by one, until finally, they made it to the front door.

They all turned and grinned at Rupert and Earl.

The two aliens stared at the crew for a long throbbing moment.

"Whatever," Earl sighed. And with that, he and Rupert made their way across the now safe sidewalk.

"Alright, crew," Earl said. "Anything could be happening to Lenny, right now. You've read those Earth books.... I think.... so you should know what kind of torture they use,"

"Yeah, they hang him on a dart board, sacrifice him to their insane lunatic god, and then they eat him!" Erne grinned.

Rupert and Earl stared at him.

"No, actually, I think humans outgrew that some time ago," Rupert said.

"Oh," Erne said, his grin fading.

Rupert and Earl rolled their eyes.

"On three," Earl said, holding his ray gun up. "One.... two.... THREE!!!"

BRAZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman and Lenny all looked up.

Socrates' door was disintegrated, and Rupert and Earl burst inside.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman and Lenny were all sitting in a circle with a monopoly board in front of them. Lenny still had hot sauce all over his face.

Alfred looked into the room with pure terror.

"AAAAAAAH!!!" He screamed. "IT'S TERRIBLE!!! OH THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!!!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO LENNY?!?!?!?!?!"

Rupert and Earl rolled their eyes.

"Oh, hi, Rupert," Calvin said, turning back to the board game. "You forget something?"

"Uuh... yeah," Earl said, awkwardly. "Can we have him back?"

"Does that mean I have to forfeit?" Lenny asked.

"Lenny if you forfeit, that means we win," Andy said, putting some monopoly money down.

"How come I always have to be the thimble?" Socrates asked, looking up.

"Look, just hand him over," Rupert growled. "We can't get back to Zok without the lunatic,"

"Yeah, sure I guess so," Calvin yawned. "We were getting bored, anyway,"

"I think I'm going to move all of my hotels and houses over to Boardwalk," Socrates said, picking some pieces up.

"You can't do that! You don't even own boardwalk!" Hobbes yelled.

"Lenny, you go with them, we have to argue," Calvin ordered.

"OK!" Lenny said, goofily, standing up.

Rupert and Earl sighed and shook their heads with exhaustion.

Lenny walked over to the crew, rejoined them, and disappeared behind the wall of grinning, vacant faces.

"Alright, Earth Potentate," Rupert said, turning around. "We're leaving now,"

"See you next time you try to kill me," Calvin said, waving him off.

"......Yeah," Earl said, staring at him, suspiciously.

And with that, Rupert pushed a button on his coat.

BRZAP!!

There was a flash of red light, and Rupert, Earl and the crew vanished.

There was a moment of silence in which everyone stared at the game board.

Suddenly, Andy looked up.

"Say, Calvin, is there any reason why they didn't just shoot you dead with their ray guns, right then and there and save the trouble of thinking up of another elaborate plan that's sure to fail?" He asked.

"Rupert always wants stuff to be complicated," Calvin said, simply.

Hobbes and Socrates nodded.

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances, then went back to the game.

* * *

  
BRZAP!!!

There was a flash of red light, and the aliens all reappeared back on their space ship.

Rupert and Earl placed their teleportors away, and turned the holographic disguise unit off.

"Alright," Earl said, turning around. "We have everyone now, right?"

The crew members all nodded, stupidly.

"...Computer?" Rupert asked, looking up.

"All crew members are present on Zokian space craft." The computer voice replied.

"Good," Rupert said. "Now all of you get back to work. Lenny, activate the hyperdrive. We're going home,"

Everyone grinned, and sat down at their stations.

Rupert and Earl watched them.

"I'm going to go lay down for a while," Earl moaned, rubbing his head. "This has been a long day."

And with that, he left the room.

Rupert watched the crew members for a moment, sighed, and followed Earl.

The only ones left were now the crew members. For a while, they didn't do anything. They just sat there with stupid grins on their faces.

Then, Lenny cut his eyes from side and side and turned to Alex.

"Psst! Hey, Alex!" He whispered.

"Yeah?" Alex whispered back.

"Can you keep a secret?" Lenny asked.

"No," Alex replied.

"Good! I just found out about the perfect Earth soft drink!" Lenny said, excitedly.

"Really?!" Dave said, stunned, leaning over to Lenny.

"Yep!" Lenny grinned, stupidly. "They call it..... hot sauce!!!"

The End

Voice work

Pamela Segal Adlon Calvin  
Tom Hanks Hobbes / grocery store employee  
Ryan Stiles Socrates  
Andrew Lawrence Andy  
Colin Mochrie Sherman  
Eric Roberts Rupert Chill  
Tom Kenny Earl / Lenny/ Alex / Alfred  
Jim Carrey Dave  
Tom Stewart Zack

* * *

**Comping Up Next: **Part Three


	6. Part Three

**Summary: **When the electricity starts going crazy in Calvin's neighborhood, an old enemy returns a third time..

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie  
_

**Part Three**

It was a regular day at the Socrates household. For the most part, anyway.

He, Calvin, Hobbes and Andy were watching an old black and white horror movie while Sherman sat off on his own, reading a tiny novel, ignoring them.

The TV was muted, and Calvin, Hobbes and the gang were adding their own dialogue into the film.

At the moment in the movie, the main character was being attacked by a zombie. The zombie was throwing its neck and back around as it approached the main character.

"Uuuh... aww... oo..." Hobbes grunted. "I need to call the chiropractor...."

The main character backed away from the corpse, then bolted up the stairs.

"My god, my life is in jeopardy!!" Socrates yelled. "I better go upstairs where there is absolutely no possible way I can get out of the house!"

The zombie screamed after the main character and Calvin substituted a gargling noise. The zombie then followed the main character.

The main character paused at the top of the stairs and looked down.

"There, I'm safe, now. It's common knowledge that zombies can't climb..... OH MY GOD!!!!" Andy screamed.

The zombie made a lurch for the man, who ducked into a closet at the last second.

"OK, going upstairs didn't help, I'll try standing in small enclosed area!" Calvin yelled.

"Seriously, what is wrong with these people?" Socrates muttered. "Did people from the fifties actually think this would _help?_"

The zombie tore the door off, and roared as it reached for the screaming man.

"Time for your meds!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!" Hobbes yelled.

Everyone turned and stared at Hobbes.

Hobbes looked around.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," Socrates said, turning back to the TV.

The zombie grabbed the man's arm and opened his mouth to take a bite out of it.

Suddenly, the TV channel switched.

"Hey!" Andy yelled in surprise.

The TV flipped over to Cartoon Network, which was playing some weird anime cartoon.

"Who changed the channel?!" Socrates groaned. "We're missing the idiotic violence!"

There was a pause.

"Not that anime isn't idiotic and violent," Hobbes said, suddenly.

Everyone nodded.

Suddenly the TV changed again. This time over to Comedy Central.

"Where's the remote?" Calvin growled, looking around the couch.

The TV changed again over to TMC.

By this time, Sherman looked up from his novel.

"What are you doing, now?" He demanded.

"Sherman, are you changing the channels on the TV?" Andy asked, annoyed.

"No," Sherman said, his brow furrowing. "Are one of you sitting on the remote?"

All eyes went to Socrates.

He looked around.

"Oh, you always look at me when something goes mildly awry!" He said, holding his chest.

"Just get up," Hobbes sighed.

Socrates stood up, but the remote wasn't on the couch.

"Where is it?!?!" Calvin moaned.

"The thought occurs that you can just get up and push the button on the cable box." Sherman said, rolling his eyes.

Everyone glared at him.

Finally, Andy got up and walked over to the TV.

He started pushing the channel "up" button.

The channel changed back to the zombie movie.

"There, that's better," Andy grinned. He sat back down with the gang.

They continued watching it for a while. Suddenly, it switched over to the Scifi Channel.

"Ooooh!" Calvin groaned.

Andy got up, and looked around.

"Wait, there it is!" He said, pointing at the ground.

Everyone looked down.

The remote was on the floor next to Hobbes' feet.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

Andy picked the remote up, and pushed a button.

It switched back to the zombie movie.

It stayed there for four whole seconds before switching over Boomerang.

Andy pushed "previous channel", again.

It went back to the zombie movie.

There was a pause.

It switched over to CBS.

Everyone groaned.

"Socrates, what's wrong with your TV?" Hobbes demanded.

"Nothing!" Socrates growled, standing up and examining the TV. "It's never done this, before!"

"Well, I guess our little fun-time is over," Sherman said snapping his book shut. "Come on, Andy, we got stuff to do,"

"Sherman!" Andy insisted. "We want to finish the movie!"

"Well, evidently, that's no longer a remote possibility." Sherman said, impatiently. "Come on,"

Calvin checked his watch.

"You know, Hobbes and I really should be going too. We have a Captain Naplam book to read."

Socrates' brow furrowed.

"That can't wait?" He asked.

"No," Calvin said, standing up. "Come on, Hobbes. Good luck fixing your TV, Socrates,"

And with that, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman said their goodbyes and left.

Socrates watched them go. Then he turned and stared at the TV.

It was wildly flicking through all the channels.

Socrates glared at it.

"Stupid High-def signal," He growled, turning the TV off.

He turned around to go up to his room, when suddenly, he heard a pop.

He turned, again.

The TV had turned itself back on, still flying through the channels, frantically.

Do I really need to go into detail for what Socrates did for the next few minutes?

After several hundred attempts at turning the televison off, switching it off, unplugging it, kicking etc, etc, he finally gave up.

Sitting up from kicking it a third time, Socrates glared at the TV.

It was still on.

"Aw, forget it," he growled, turning and walking away in a huff.

Socrates left the room, leaving the TV to soar through the channels, crazily.

* * *

Later the next day, Andy and Sherman were working in the lab.

Correction: Sherman was working in the lab. Andy was standing off on the side, fetching tools for the hamster and asking when he could leave and go play a video game.

"You can go when we're finished with this!" Sherman said. "This is a very important experiment, you know!"

"You're trying to make yellow catsup!" Andy groaned, rolling his eyes.

"It's not just _yellow!_" Sherman said, defensively. "It's a form of catsup that has an particular ingredient removed from it!"

"Just one question," Andy said. "_Why?_"

"It's never been done before!" Sherman said. "Think of the knowledge to be gained."

"And the time to be lost," Andy sighed.

Sherman shook his head, and went back to work.

"Alright, I just about got everything ready. Andy, the catsup!" He said, holding out a paw.

"There's no point to this!" Andy whined, picking a bottle of catsup off the desk and over to Sherman.

Sherman took a couple of wires, and wrapped them around the top of the catsup bottle.

Andy rolled his eyes.

Sherman then rushed over to the machine to which the wires were connected and pushed a button on it.

__

VROOOM!!!

The machine roared to life as lights flashed and engines hummed.

The catsup bottle began glowing slightly, and electricity flowed across the wires.

Andy and Sherman watched. Sherman with a little more interest.

The engines started running faster.

Sherman looked at it, confused.

"That's not supposed to happen," He said, his brow furrowing.

Andy looked up.

The catsup bottle began trembling and the engines began whirring, loudly. Smoke began rising from the machine.

Sherman rushed over to turn it off. He pushed the button, but nothing happened.

"Oh no," He groaned, looking upwards.

The engines were roaring at a very high rate of speed now, and more smoke was gathered around it.

"TAKE COVER!!" Andy cried.

The two dove out of the way just in time as the machine blew.

**_KABLAM!!!!_**

Fire, metal and catsup flew in all directions.

Andy and Sherman were both hiding behind a desk.

Sherman jumped out from behind it, and looked around.

"Oh no!" He groaned.

The entire lab was trashed, now. Inventions and broken metal littered the floor, the walls were charred, and to top things off. The whole place was covered in catsup. Still red, in case you're wondering.

"What went wrong?!" Sherman moaned, looking at the machine. "Everything was calculated, perfectly!" He went over his notes. "I triple checked my work! I didn't make any mistakes! _What happened?!_"

There was a moment of silence.

Andy got up, and looked around.

Then, he turned to Sherman.

"Sooo... Does this mean I'm done?" He asked.

Sherman glared at him.

* * *

Meanwhile, Socrates was in the kitchen. He was getting the ingredients out to make a raspberry smoothie.

He was singing to himself, loudly, while plugging his blender in next to the toaster.

"Alright then!" He grinned, pushing all the ingredients forward. "Let's get started!"

He dropped a handful of raspberries into the blender, followed by some ice, vanilla ice creme, bananas, creme and some more raspberries.

Then, he stood back and admired his work, so far.

"Looks quite good!" He grinned, moving back forward.

He held his finer over the "on" switch.

"And...." He paused for dramatic effect. "_engage_!"

He flipped the "on" switch on the blender, which immediately proved to be a big mistake.

_WHIRRRRRR!!!!!!_ **_SPLAT!!!_**

Raspberries, bananas and ice creme went soaring into Socrates' face.

"AAAAUUGH!!!" He yelled, frantically switching the blender off.

He wiped the raspberries off his face, and glared at the blender.

"What did you do that, for?!" He demanded.

The blender didn't reply.

Socrates growled, and added more raspberries to it.

"This stuff doesn't go all over my face until it's in the cup!" He declared.

He checked the settings on the blender, then pushed the button, again.

__

WHIIIIIIIRRRR!!!!!!

This time the device threw raspberries in all directions covering Socrates and the kitchen in a thick layer of red fruit.

Socrates fell over backwards, trying to get the blender back under control.

"NO! NO! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!" He ordered, fighting his way through the flying mush towards the blender.

He covered his eyes, and reached to switch it off.

Unintentionally, though he switched it over to "high".

**_WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRR!!!!!!_**

"AAAAAAAUGH!!! NO!!! STOP!!! DON'T!!! COME ON, I DIDN'T EVEN PUT THIS MUCH IN!!! HELP!!!"

Finally, Socrates managed to reach forward, and turn the blender off.

For several seconds Socrates stood in the now raspberry covered kitchen, trying to catch his breath.

He shook the smoothie off of him, and straightened up.

He grabbed a glass off the counter, and turned around.

Whistling to himself, he scooped a big junk of the smoothie off of the counter into the cup, and walked off into the livingroom with it.

Uh huh.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes had returned home, fetched their paper hats and the MTM and had gathered at the tree house.

"This meeting of Get Rid of Slimy girlS is now called to order," Calvin said, as he and Hobbes did a salute. "First, old business."

Hobbes looked at a piece of paper.

"Our cookie raid last week was seventy five percent successful." He said.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"Seventy five? We got the jar, didn't we?" He asked.

"Yeah, but your mom caught you," Hobbes reminded him.

"Oh, right," Calvin recalled. "OK, on to new business,"

Hobbes pointed to the south.

"The enemy has been sighted numerous times within the hour." He said. "We estimate that she is currently on the sidewalk by her house."

"Performing what form of activity?" Calvin asked, rubbing his chin.

"She's writing her name on the sidewalk with chalk." Hobbes said.

"Vandalism!" Calvin declared.

There was a pause. Hobbes thought about what Calvin had said.

"Uh... Calvin, chalk isn't....."

"This is an outrage, Hobbes! The enemy is destroying a piece of public property! Are we just going to sit around and let this go without doing anything?!"

"Well..."

"Exactly! We must stand up for all that is good and pure! And by that, I mean blast Susie with a couple dozen water balloons!"

"Um...."

"Good we're all in agreement! Mr President, what is our current water balloon supply?" Calvin demanded.

Hobbes looked over at the corner of the tree house.

There were about four empty balloons laying there.

"We're kind of running low," He said, turning back to Calvin.

Calvin looked over at the balloons.

"Hmmm, no matter!" He declared. "We'll just have MTM teleport us some more! MTM! We have a job for you!"

Calvin and Hobbes both turned to the MTM which had been silent all this time.

Calvin leaned over, made sure no one was listening, and whispered, "OK, Susie is in a perfect position, right now, but we need more water balloons. We need you to teleport us some more!"

There was a pause.

"MTM?" Calvin asked.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave," The MTM said, quietly.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the CD player.

"What?" Hobbes demanded.

"This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it." The MTM said in a quiet voice that he had never used before.

"Don't give me that!" Calvin spat. "I want water balloons! Teleport them to me, now!"

"Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that," MTM replied.

"WHY?!?!" Calvin screamed, clearly about to lose it.

"I know you and Frank were planning to disconnect me," MTM said.

There was a moment of silence.

"What?!" Calvin and Hobbes both demanded in unison.

"OK, listen, MTM," Calvin said, getting down to the MTM's level. "I'm going to give you until the count of three to materialize those water balloons or I'll....."

"Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore." The MTM interrupted.

Calvin's eyes narrowed.

"What the heck is his problem?!" Calvin demanded, sitting up and facing Hobbes.

"Disconnect him from what?" Hobbes asked, staring off into space.

"How are we supposed to launch our attack on Susie, when the MTM isn't cooperating?!" Calvin groaned.

There was a pause.

"Chalk isn't vandalism, Calvin." Hobbes said, finally.

Calvin turned a glare onto Hobbes.

"Oh, you're questioning my intelligence on chalk are you?!" He demanded.

"If by questioning you mean I think it was crazy of you to think that drawing on the sidewalk with chalk is illegal then yes," Hobbes said, crossing his arms.

"The dictator-for-life won't stand for this! I'm giving you three strike marks against your record, today!" Calvin announced.

Hobbes stuck his tongue out at him.

"You can't do that, because I hereby promote myself to King and Tyrant." He said, smugly.

"You can't promote yourself!" Calvin yelled.

"I just did!" Hobbes grinned. He picked a notebook and a pencil up. "And now I'm writing, 'Calvin thinks chalk is vandalism' in the club log for future generations!"

Calvin made a grab for the notebook, but Hobbes held it over his head.

"Why you...." Calvin growled. And with that, he jumped Hobbes and pinned him to the ground. They rolled across the tree house floor for several seconds, calling each other names and trying to promote themselves to a higher rank than the other.

"I'll show _you!_ I'm promoting myself to the Emperor of the club!" Calvin announced, trying to bite Hobbes' arm.

"Ha!" Hobbes scoffed. "That's nothing! I'm promoting _myself_ to the god of all clubs in the universe! So there!"

"You can't do that!" Calvin hollered. "That's not even a real rank!!!"

"Daisy, daisy," The MTM suddenly started singing, quietly.

"OH, SHUT UP!!" Calvin screamed at him.

* * *

Socrates sat in a blue chair in the livingroom, sipping his third cup of smoothie and reading an article out of a magazine labeled _Pranker's Monthly_. I have no idea where he gets this stuff.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

__

DING DING DING DING DING.... DING..... **DONG!!!**

Socrates moved his head back and forth with the jingle

"It's closed!" He called.

Calvin opened the door.

"Now it's open!" Socrates grinned.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

He, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman walked into the mansion.

"Hi, Socrates," Hobbes said. "We've just been having some trouble with our stuff and we thought we....."

They all stopped, and their mouths dropped, as they stared off past Socrates.

"What?" Socrates asked.

"What happened to your kitchen?" Sherman asked.

"I was making a smoothie," Socrates said, simply. "Why?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Just.... wondering," Hobbes said, slowly.

"So, what brings you to humble abode?" Socrates asked, leaping out of his chair. "Hold on, let me get more smoothie!"

"Socrates, have you been having any troubles with your electrical appliances?" Andy asked.

"No," Socrates said, scooping up another big chunk out of the mountain of smoothie in the kitchen.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Well, we have," Calvin said. "Our TVs aren't working, Sherman's stuff is exploding, the MTM has gone whacko, and basically anything electrical we have isn't working. Now, Socrates we wanted to ask you something,"

"Okay!" Socrates grinned, running up them. "Shoot!"

"What usually happens shortly after we start having electrical problems?" Hobbes asked.

There was a pause.

"We call an electrician?" Socrates asked.

Everyone glared at him.

"No!" Andy groaned. "A bad guy shows up! This is an early warning system that we're about to be attacked by something!"

"Oh, well that's a convenient little warning system," Socrates grinned, sitting back down.

"You don't seem to be grasping the severity of this, do you?" Sherman growled.

"Nope!" Socrates grinned, taking a sip from his cup.

Everyone's eyes narrowed.

"Whatever," Calvin said, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, we've decided to set up an observation post here so we can tell when the enemy is going to attack."

Socrates looked up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! Why here?" He demanded.

"Because our houses are too obvious," Calvin said. "The enemy would never expect us to stay with our _other_ mortal enemy."

"You make a fair point," Socrates considered, taking another sip from his smoothie. "Oh very well, you can help me hold down the fort! I'll get the snacks and the appropriate TV station on!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Time dragged by. For several hours Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman hung out in Socrates' mansion, trying to keep themselves sane by watching the TV whenever it cooperated and playing board games.

Calvin was set in charge of watching the windows.

"This is ridiculous!" He groaned, looking out at the empty streets. "We've been doing this for _hours_! Nothing's happened!"

"Well, maybe our mortal enemy is taking a holiday, today," Socrates said, licking the last few drops out of his thirty seventh smoothie of the day.

"Do villains take holidays?" Hobbes asked.

"Sure! They do it all the time!" Socrates grinned. "Take the villains from _Batman_ for instance!"

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"Well, I'm beginning to think this is a waste of time," Calvin sighed. "The TV hasn't skipped for over an hour now, no enemies have shown up...."

"Uuuh... aww... oo... I need to call the chiropractor...."

Everyone looked around at Hobbes

"Why, what's wrong with your back?" He asked.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Nothing, why?" He asked.

"You just said you needed to call a chiropractor," Andy said.

"No I didn't," Hobbes said, his brow furrowing.

"My god, my life is in jeopardy!! I better go upstairs where there is absolutely no possible way I can get out of the house!"

Everyone turned and looked over at Socrates.

He looked around them, a little nervously.

"I didn't.... say that...." He said, quietly.

Suddenly, Calvin's voice came on. He was making a loud, annoying gargling sound.

Slowly, all eyes turned towards the TV.

The same zombie movie they had been watching earlier the previous day was on, again. This time, however, the lines that Calvin, Hobbes Socrates and Andy had added in were included in the movie.

The main character whipped around, and stared down the stairs.

"There, I'm safe, now." He said with Andy's voice. "It's common knowledge that zombies can't climb..... OH MY GOD!!!!"

Everyone stared at the TV, their eyes wide and their mouths hanging open.

"Socrates, that one advanced TV you have there," Hobbes said, turning to Socrates. "I didn't know it could record your voice and add it into the movie,"

Socrates stared at the TV.

"Neither did I," He said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh come on," Sherman yelled at them. "TVs can't do that! What's wrong with you?!"

Hobbes and Socrates glared at the hamster.

Suddenly, Calvin and Andy gasped, causing Hobbes, Socrates and Sherman to look back up.

The picture on the TV had suddenly become distorted. Then, it turned to static.

The lights in the livingroom began flickering, wildly. The blender in the kitchen went off, again causing more raspberry smoothie to erupt from it. Sparks flew from the TV.

Everyone looked around in panic, trying to see what was going on.

Then, the TV screen turned to bright red and the speakers around it began making sizzling sounds.

Then, a familiar, wrinkled, red-eyed, distorted face appeared on the TV screen.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman gasped.

"_YOU!!!_" They all cried in unison.

The wrinkled old face grinned cynically.

"Ah yes, nice to see you lot remember me," he commented.

"How could we forget?" Andy asked. "Last time we saw you, you were in a Death Hug with a certain hardlight hologram."

"Oh, those evil electronic life forms grow up so fast," Socrates sniffed.

Electro was not amused.

"You may stop that at any time," he said, sneering at them.

"Thanks for the warning. Anyway, what are you still doing in there?" Calvin asked.

"Yeah, aren't you supposed to be a fully grown man in a bad suit right now?" Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"After our last encounter, that swimming pool almost destroyed me," Electro explained. "I was turned into more electric energy, and I was returned to the phone lines, where I lay dormant, rebuilding my energy."

"It took you this long?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, you missed out on last season," Socrates added.

"I was on the verge of death!" Electro shouted. "It took me a while!"

"So!" Calvin said, steering the topic back on track. "You're back now. What do you want?"

"Revenge," Electro growled.

"Don't they all?" Andy sighed.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Electro shouted at him, electricity flaring up all over the screen.

"Hey, that's _my _TV you're messing with!" Socrates complained. "Knock it off!"

Electro smirked. "Certainly. Watch this."

Electro's face suddenly disappeared from the screen.

There was a pause.

**_BRZAP!_**

Suddenly the lights dimmed, and huge bolts of electricity flew up across the TV and speakers.

Calvin and Hobbes gulped.

The TV then began to shake, rocking the room.

"Ack!" Andy shouted.

"Abandon living room!" Sherman shouted.

Just in time too, because the giant TV suddenly tipped over.

They cleared the area just as it came down.

**_SMASH!!_**

Broken glass and plastic flew everywhere.

Socrates stared at it.

"My…my TV…," he said, staring at it. "He…he…ooohhhh…"

And he fainted.

The others rolled their eyes.

"Where is he now?" Hobbes asked, looking around nervously.

"Yoo-hoo!" a voice called. "Over here!"

They all whipped around.

Socrates had the good grace to get up and look.

They couldn't see Electro anywhere.

"Where are you?!" Calvin shouted, glaring at the kitchen.

The door to the microwave opened and shut by itself.

"Over here, Calvin," Electro's voice said.

Calvin stared.

"How…how did you…?"

"I'm speaking to you through the speaker for when this thing beeps in its annoying way," Electro explained. "I have that sort of power."

And he started to jump the microwave up and down to demonstrate.

Everyone just stared at it, confused.

"Yes, yes, yes, this is cute," Sherman sighed. "You can stop that now."

The microwave stopped jumping, and the light inside turned off.

Then the radio on the counter next to it turned on, and Electro's voice came out.

"As you can see, I have mastered the ability to possess all your electrical dependent appliances!"

"Couldn't you do that before?" Andy asked.

"Ah, yes, but watch _this_!"

Electro left the radio.

Suddenly, the refrigerator doors popped open.

Everyone jumped back in surprise.

The fridge began to rock from side to side, moving forward.

"Holey Moses!" Socrates cried. "_You're _why I couldn't get a decent smoothie!"

Everyone glared at him.

The fridge moved forward, stomping towards them.

They noticed the plug come out from the back.

But still the fridge moved forward.

"How…how's he doing this?" Hobbes demanded. "It's unplugged! He should've stopped, right? It can't work without a power source!"

"Hobbes?" Calvin said quietly.

"Yes?"

"He _is_ a power source."

"Ah."

They immediately evacuated the kitchen.

The fridge silently stomped after them.

They ran up the stairs as fast as they could.

But when Sherman looked back, he gasped as the fridge began jumping up every three stairs.

"I had no idea refrigerators were so athletic!" he cried.

They made it to the halfway point of the stairs where they split into two directions.

"Split up!" Calvin shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes went one way while Andy, Sherman and Socrates went the other way. They both made it to the tops of both sets of stairs and waited to see what would happen.

The fridge reached platform and looked at both sets of them.

Then a peculiar thing happened.

The fridge seemed to notice an outlet behind a small table. It leapt into the air and landed on top of it, smashing it.

**_SMASH!_**

It inserted the plug into the outlet, and with a **_ZAP_**, it emptied itself into the power outlet.

There was a silence.

"Huh," said Hobbes. "That was weird."

Suddenly…

**_BRZAP! BRZAP!_**

They all looked around, trying to determine the source, and suddenly, at the bottom of the stairs, a pair of vacuum cleaners appeared. They shot out their cords like ropes and managed to pull themselves up the stairs to that same point next to the fridge.

The vacuums stood back to back suddenly, and shot their cords out again, looping them around the handrails.

"RUN!" Calvin shouted.

Everyone yelled in terror as the vacuums pulled them up the stairs and chased after them.

Calvin and Hobbes rounded a corner.

**_WHIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!_**

The vacuum behind them rocked and bucked and bounced after them as they tore down a hallway.

Calvin and Hobbes ran as fast as they could down the hall, rounding corners and diving under things.

Finally, they saw an open door. They both dove inside it and slammed the door shut.

The vacuum stopped in front of it and tried to open the door with its cord, but it couldn't get it open.

They'd locked it.

The vacuum seemed to look around for a moment, and then noticed another outlet. It plugged itself in.

* * *

Inside the room, Calvin and Hobbes were bent over, gasping for air.

"Boy," Hobbes gasped, collapsing into a chair. "I'm glad we don't have to do _this _everyday."

"Electro must have the ability to divide himself up," Calvin said, finally getting his breath back. "He can take over multiple appliances at once, and can only leave them once he's been plugged into an outlet."

"So how do we stop him? Get rid of all the world's outlets?" Hobbes asked. "Seems a bit strenuous for even us."

Before Calvin could reply, the lights dimmed suddenly, and they heard the computer roar into life.

"Uh-oh," Calvin moaned as he squeezed his eyes shut.

The computer screen flipped on, revealing Electro's wrinkly face.

"Having fun?" he grinned. "Sorry I couldn't mock you earlier. I had to find a pair of speakers."

"Why do you have that face?" Calvin sighed. "Honestly, you need some wrinkle cream _fast_!"

Electro scowled.

"Watch this…," he grinned.

He disappeared from the computer.

"Now what…?" Hobbes asked, looking around.

Suddenly, numbers flashed on the clock nearby, the small heater in corner began to give warmth, and the lamp on the desk turned on.

Calvin and Hobbes watched unsurely as the three appliances began to advance on them.

"There's enough Electro to go around, I suppose," Calvin gulped.

They unlocked the door and made a break down the hallway.

The heater and the clock continued after them, but the lamp paused to plug itself into another outlet, and within seconds, the vacuum cleaner was chasing them again with the lamp in hot pursuit.

**_WHIRRRRRRRR!_**

As they ran through the hallways, they noticed Andy, Sherman and Socrates were in a corner a floor below, trapped by another vacuum and the microwave and another computer, which had Electro's face in it.

"Guys!" Andy shouted. "I think we need a little help over here! Care to lend some?"

Calvin and Hobbes immediately headed for them.

"Oh, look at that!" said Electro from the computer. "Here I come now! And look! I've brought me and me as well!"

Calvin and Hobbes ran as fast as they could towards them, but the vacuum cleaners blocked their way. They screeched to a halt.

"Darn it!" Hobbes complained. "We're surrounded!"

The appliances were quickly beginning to grow closer to them.

Calvin then got an idea. He grabbed the vacuum's extendable cord and ran towards the balcony overlooking the bottom floor.

"I have _always _wanted to do this!" he said excitedly.

Jumping off the balcony, still holding the cord, he flew downwards, knowing full and well that Electro would pull him back up, but as he got near the ground, he was now above Andy, Sherman and Socrates. He held out a hand, which Andy grabbed, and Socrates grabbed Andy. Sherman was tucked away into Andy's pocket.

"Oh no, you _don't_!" Electro shouted.

Electro pulled back, pulling them all back up, but at the same time, saving the others.

They all were whipped through the air and slammed into the wall.

**_WHAM! BAM! CRASH!_**

They got up off the floor, moaning.

"Now what?" Hobbes asked, helping Calvin up.

"Er…," Calvin said, looking around.

"I could _really_ use a smoothie right now," Socrates said, getting up.

"Shut up," Sherman grunted.

Calvin immediately started running towards the elevator, with the others following. Calvin slammed his fist into the button, and the doors opened up. They all piled inside.

The appliances were coming towards them.

"Get back here!" Electro shouted, the computer leading the way.

Hobbes began frantically pushing the close doors button as Andy pressed the button for the top floor.

"C'mon, c'mon, _c'mon_!!" Hobbes said through his teeth.

The doors shut just in time.

_DING!_

**_WHAM!_**

They all sighed with relief as the elevator started to go up.

"Now what do we do?" Andy demanded.

"I suggest we all have a smoothie and think about this," Socrates suggested.

"And how do we that?" Sherman demanded. "Do we just use your blender? A blender that Electro has overpowered? A blender that could _kill_ you?"

Socrates immediately clammed up.

"That's settled," Calvin said. "Now we need a game plan while we're in the elevator. It's our only safe place for now. What have we established?"

"That Electro needs outlets so he can spread himself into various appliances," Hobbes said.

"Right, now we need a bigger plan. Let's see… First order business is to get Electro out of all those appliances, and then get all of his various parts back into a whole."

"How do we do that?" Andy asked.

"We just need to get him into one big electrical item," Calvin said. "If we can get him trapped inside _one _item, then we can destroy it with him inside it."

"You're _sure_ this will work?" Socrates asked.

"Sounds good to me," said Sherman.

"Right then! Let's do it!" said Calvin.

There was a pause.

"How?" Hobbes asked.

Before an answer could be thought of, the doors opened.

_DING!_

They looked outside and saw that they were on the roof.

"Huh," said Andy. "I didn't know it went all the way up here."

They left the elevator and looked around.

"Awesome view!" Calvin said, looking at the landscape of the town and city around them.

Socrates nodded.

"Yeah, I suppose," he said.

Hobbes peered over the edge.

"Wow," he said. "We must be five stories up!"

Just then…

**_WHAM!_**

They whipped around and saw that several appliances had made their way up the stairs.

"Boy, despite not having feet, these guys are good!" Calvin commented.

All the appliances immediately started to descend upon them.

They all made a mad scramble that involved everyone running away from, around and jumping over appliances.

Finally though, Socrates became entangled by the two power cords of the vacuums.

"ACK!" he shouted.

Andy was running to his rescue when he was suddenly snatched up by the microwave, the clock and the space heater.

"Put me down!" he shouted.

Sherman managed to wriggle his way out of Andy's pocket and attempted to scamper away, but he was snatched off the ground by lamp cord.

"Put me down at once, you abomination!" he shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes managed to duck back into the elevator, thinking the others were behind them. They managed to see them over their shoulders, however, before the doors closed.

"Hey!" Calvin shouted, running towards the closing doors, but only getting his nose bruised in the process.

Hobbes pressed a button.

The elevator started up again.

"Well, now what do we do?" he asked.

Calvin got up and thought about that.

"Well…," he said, thinking. "We have a few options."

"And they are?"

"We could risk life and limb to help them with the high probability of failure. We could desert them and try to save ourselves with the high probability of getting killed before we reach the door. And last, we could set up permanent residence in this elevator for the rest of our lives."

Hobbes thought.

"Well, if we put up shelves…," he pondered, looking around thoughtfully.

Calvin glared at him.

"I'm kidding!" Hobbes said quickly. "I choose the first one."

"Good. Now, here's a possible plan…"

* * *

Andy, Sherman and Socrates were now being dangled by a bunch of power cords from the ceiling. Electro had divided himself up now into a few more extra appliances so that they could do this.

"Alright!" he shouted from within a portable TV. "Let's see what Calvin thinks of his friends being puréed to death!"

"Wha…?" Andy asked.

Suddenly, a blender hopped into the room, and it sat right under them.

They stared at it.

Then…

**_WWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!_**

"AAAAAAUUUUGGHH!!" Andy and Sherman screamed.

"Hey, cool!" said Socrates. "Does this mean I get my smoothie now?"

"Socrates!" Andy shouted. "In about a minute, _you're _gonna _be_ a smoothie!"

Socrates thought.

"AAAAAAAUUUUUGGHH!" he screamed.

"_There _we go," said Sherman, rolling his eyes.

Electro cackled. "Excellent!" he laughed. "Heh, heh! Bye, bye, boys!"

Slowly, the cords lowered, and Andy, Sherman and Socrates were being lowered towards the blender.

"Guys, what're we gonna do?!" Socrates wailed.

"We'll think of something!" Andy replied.

Lower and lower they went, getting closer to the tiny yet fatal blade.

"HA, HA, HA, _HA_!" Electro laughed. "_That's _it! HEE, HEE, HEH, HA, _HA_!"

"Just in case we don't live, we'd better work on our last words," Socrates said nervously.

"Yeah," said Andy. "How about… Either these curtains go or we do?"

"I think someone already said that," said Sherman. "How about… This is one small death for man, but three giant deaths for us?"

"Ah, a spin on an old classic. Nice," said Socrates.

They noticed they were now getting even closer. They were just about three feet away from it now.

They suddenly stopped lowering.

Electro grinned.

"Heh, heh… Now, are you ready?" he laughed.

"No, I'm not! I just woke up! I haven't got my face on yet!" Sherman cried.

"CALVIN, YOU'D BETTER BE AROUND HERE WAITING TO _GET US OUT OF HERE_!!" Andy shouted.

"GERONIMO!"

Everyone looked and saw Calvin swing on a power cord. He swung right into Andy, Sherman and Socrates, knocking them out of the way and loosening the grip the appliances had on them.

**_CRASH!_**

They all slammed into the wall again.

"What the—?!" Electro shouted, angered again. "What is the meaning of this?!"

Calvin immediately stood up and faced him.

"Escape: pronounced es-cape. Verb. Get away or get away from," he said.

Everyone stared at him.

Calvin glanced at the others.

"Hint, hint," he said, glaring at them.

Getting the message, Andy, Sherman and Socrates ran off.

Calvin then glared back at Electro.

"Okay, Electro, if you want me, you and your little…other bits of you…have to come and get me!"

"Easily," Electro sneered.

The appliances advanced.

Calvin, however, pulled out a metal baseball bat.

They all halted.

"What's that for?" he demanded.

"You can't get back out of those appliances if you've got no way of getting to an outlet," Calvin said slyly. "If I can smash all these appliances, you'll be reduced to _nothing_!"

Suddenly realizing Calvin had a point, Electro shouted, "RETREAT!"

They all ran.

Grinning evilly, Calvin immediately chased after them.

They all ran up the stairs, Calvin swinging the bat left and right, narrowing missing the appliances.

As they ran upstairs, however, Electro came across his only form of salvation so far.

It was an electrical extension socket with at least five outlets on it, and it was plugged in.

Immediately, a lamp, a clock, a blender, a space heater and a microwave plugged themselves into it, and Calvin saw them becoming freed of Electro's life-force.

"Not so fast!" he shouted.

The remaining appliances ran off, leaving behind the now dormant ones.

Calvin watched them leave, and then winked at Hobbes was so hiding behind the corner. Hobbes promptly unplugged extension as Calvin ran off again after them.

The appliances ran down the stairs and began searching for a place to hide, but Calvin slid down the railing and landed on his feet.

"Who's first?" he shouted.

"ACK!" Electro shouted.

The appliances ran into the kitchen, searching for a place to go.

They immediately found another extension.

A computer, a DVD player, a radio, an air conditioner and a flashlight emptied themselves, allowing Electro to make an escape.

Now all that was left was the portable TV, which immediately plugged itself back into a nearby outlet.

Calvin watched as Electro's wrinkly face appeared on the screen in full quality, now that he wasn't spreading his power.

"Alright!" he shouted. "I'm whole again! You can't destroy me now!"

Calvin responded by raising the bat high above him.

"Guess again!" he shouted.

Electro, however, was still plugged into the wall, and the small TV was emptied.

Calvin quickly unplugged it and the extension.

Hobbes entered with Andy and Sherman.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, he's one hundred percent again," Calvin said. "He could turn up at any minute. Did you guys unplug everything?"

"Everything we could find," said Andy.

**_WHAM!_**

Everyone's eyes grew wide as they turned around.

Standing over them was a gigantic big screen TV with giant speaks on the side. It was twice their size.

"Ah," said Sherman. "Had a feeling it was too easy."

"AND NOW, YOU SHALL BE DESTROYED!" Electro hollered.

They were forced to cover their ears.

"I SHALL GIVE YOU THE HONOR OF A PROLONGED AND PAINFULL DEATH!!" Electro laughed, electric energy crackling all around him. He lifted up his cord, which was sparkling with energy.

Everyone backed away as the giant TV started to approach them.

**_WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP!_**

"NOW, CALVIN…," Electro shouted, "…YOU SHALL—"

"Smoothie?"

Everyone stopped and looked back.

Socrates was standing behind Electro, holding a full glass of smoothie.

Electro leapt into the air and turned so he could face Socrates.

**_WHAM!!_**

"YOU!!" he shouted.

"Me?" Socrates asked innocently.

"YOU SHALL DIE FIRST!"

Electro held up his cord, but Socrates didn't seem to notice.

"I don't suppose you're thirsty?" he asked. "I found the blender upstairs and managed to make a fresh smoothie. One that _wasn't _splattered all over the place."

"SHUT UP!!"

"It's quite good! I'd like to share it with you!"

"I'M ABOUT TO KILL YOU!!"

"Would you like some?"

"I'M KILLING YOU NOW!"

"Here, take a sip."

Before Electro could react, Socrates threw the full cup into the air, and it landed on top of the TV, where the little vent was.

**_SPLAT!_**

The smoothie went down into the circuitry, causing the TV to short.

"GAK!!" Electro coughed. "NO! I WILL NOT GIVE IN! I DIDN'T COME ALL THIS WAY SO I COULD BE DESTROYED AGAIN!!"

"Bye, bye," Socrates said, waving.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!"

**_BRZAP! BOOM!_**

Electro's face zapped away from the screen, and his voice disappeared from the speakers, and smoke began to pour from the TV.

They all stared at it.

"Nice job, Socrates," Hobbes said at last.

Socrates nodded.

"So, are we done?" he asked.

"Not quite," said Calvin.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates pushed hard, and the giant TV was shoved off the edge of the roof, fell five stories, and crashed on the ground, smashing to pieces.

"Just to be safe," Calvin said. "I think it's time we were a bit more careful."

"Agreed," Hobbes said, nodding.

"So, now what do we do?" Andy asked.

"How about we clean up my house?" Socrates asked, glaring at them. "You've made a mess of my home, _again_, and we need to put everything back!"

There was a pause.

"Err…," Calvin said. "Anyone want a smoothie?"

"Ooh, I do!" Socrates said, forgetting it at once.

"Let's go to Brown's General Store," said Andy. "They usually have better ones."

Everyone agreed and left.

And at the bottom of the mansion, the smoking remains of the smoothie-stained TV remained.

They never saw someone standing over those remains as they left.

**The End**

**Voice Work****:**

**Calvin **Pamela Segall Adlon**  
Hobbes **Tom Hanks**  
Socrates **Ryan Stiles**  
Andy **Andrew Lawrence**  
Sherman**Colin Mochrie**  
Electro **Jim Cummings**  
Norman Lovett **MTM

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Socrates Squared


	7. Socrates Squared

**Summary: **Socrates accidentally duplicates himself

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Socrates Squared**

It was a bright and sunny day in April. Birds flew from tree to tree on Sneer Hill, chirping happily a chipmunk scurried across the pine needle covered ground.

The chipmunk ran up to the base of a tree, and looked around. The immediate area appeared to be predator-free, so he began digging, furiously at the base of the tree.

He grabbed a small acorn, which he had apparently buried there, and turned around to run towards another tree.

He looked up just in time to see a white volleyball flying towards him.

BONK!!!

The chipmunk dove out of the way at the very last second, and the ball hit the tree trunk.

"HA HA!!" Screamed a loud voice. "I've struck the tree of invisible scores! Neither of you can tag me now for the next five minutes, and each minute that you don't tag me gives me twenty points!"

The chipmunk chattered at Calvin in an annoyed manner, then rushed off, still carrying his acorn.

Hobbes and Socrates stared at Calvin.

"We have a tree of invisible scores?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin glared at him.

"Yeah, we've always had it. You didn't know?" He demanded.

"No, actually, we didn't," Socrates said, his brow furrowing. "How come we've never found it?"

"Because it's always moving," Calvin replied, simply. "Now get back to work! You still have to find the Mystery Wicket!"

Hobbes and Socrates sighed, and began hopping around on one leg, looking for a wicket.

Meanwhile, a few trees away, two darkened figures were watching them in play, ominously. However, neither one of them posed any kind of threat to Calvin or Hobbes.

"Look at them, Jack," Dr Brainstorm hissed under his breath. "So innocent and carefree! They're just asking for me to destroy them!"

"Of course they are, Frank," Jack yawned, looking down at his watch. "They're playing that ball game just to _spite _you."

Brainstorm glared at him.

"Do you know the plan?" He growled at the robot.

Jack stared at Brainstorm for a long throbbing moment. Silence filled the land. Finally, he spoke.

"Frank, you've been bragging about how great this plan is for over two weeks. You've been repeating it to me over and over, talking about how genius it is, and you really think I could have forgotten it by now?"

Brainstorm's teeth gritted.

"Fine, just as long as you know it," He growled, whipping back around.

He watched Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates for a moment.

Then, he whipped around to Jack, again.

"_**Doctor Brainstorm!!!**_" He hissed, angrily at the robot.

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Alright, Calvin," Socrates shouted, holding up a green wicket. "We found the Mystery Wicket. And since it was in the Wisdom Decreeing Spot, I get to make a special decree!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

"A special decree?" Hobbes asked. "What is it?"

Socrates took his sweet time in answering. He rubbed his chin, and rolled his eyes around as if thinking about what it would be.

"I decree that you should both crawl across the playing field until one of you gets the Calvinball!"

"WHAT?!" Calvin exclaimed. "What kind of decree is that?!"

"A very well thought out one," Socrates grinned.

"If you think I'm going to crawl across this bug infested mountain, then you're very badly mis...."

Suddenly, Calvin was cut off as a red blast shot between him and Socrates.

_**ZOOM!!**_

In an instant Hobbes was gone and Calvin and Socrates both froze.

"OOOOOH!!" Brainstorm moaned, from his tree. "I missed them!! How could I have missed them!!"

"Well, for one thing, you told the servant ray not to shoot after them." Jack said, taking a sip from a Cherry Dr Pepper. "You never mentioned not to hit them."

Calvin and Socrates looked around, spotted Brainstorm, and immediately relaxed.

"Oh, shut up!" Brainstorm shot back at his robot. "And Jack, I must warn you that all of this is going into my report!"

"I could care less,"

"WHAT?!?!"

"I said, Oh no. Not your report. Please, anything but that," Jack said, taking another drink.

Brainstorm nodded with satisfaction.

"That's better," He growled. He whipped back around to Calvin and Socrates. "ALRIGHT, CALVIN AND HIS ROBOTIC TIGER!! PREPARE TO BE RENDERED DEFEATED!!!!"

Calvin and Socrates exchanged glances.

"JUST STAY RIGHT THERE WHILE I GET MY DEFEATER-O-MATIC OUT!!!" He screamed at them.

And with that, he whipped around, and began struggling to get something out of his hypercube.

"Can I come out?" Hobbes asked from a nearby tree.

"Yes, Hobbes, it's just Frank." Calvin said.

"**_DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!_**"

"Oh.... phew!" Hobbes said, climbing out of the tree. "For a second there I thought we were actually in danger."

There was a moment of silence in which Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at Brainstorm, still trying to fish out his invention.

"Just wait for a minute!" Brainstorm growled, trying force the invention out of the sizzling hypercube.

Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates continued to stare.

"Al.... most... got it!!" The doctor growled, wriggling the invention around in the cube.

Calvin casually glanced to the right, and spotted the wagon sitting a few feet away.

He nudged Hobbes with the elbow, who looked around and saw it, too.

He followed up and tapped Socrates on the shoulder, who looked around at him and saw it, too.

Jack rolled his eyes as he watched Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates strolling over to the wagon, getting in, and pushing off, while Brainstorm remained totally oblivious to it as he yanked and pulled at the invention.

"GOT IT!!" He shouted, victoriously as a small pistol like device popped out. "NOW, PREPARE TO BE.....!!" Brainstorm whipped around. "Where'd they go?"

Jack sighed.

* * *

"This is ridiculous!" Hobbes moaned as Calvin maneuvered the wagon past trees and rocks. "We don't have time for this! We need to finish our game!"

"Why is it Frank always decides to bug us when we're right in the middle of something?" Socrates demanded.

"Fear not," Calvin said, rearing the wagon off to the left. "Just so happens I've prepared for just such an annoyance."

* * *

Brainstorm stalked across the mountain, holding his Servant Ray out in front of him.

"They've got to be around here, somewhere, Jack," He growled, looking behind a tree. "They can't have gotten that far."

There was a pause.

Brainstorm looked up.

"Jack?" He asked. He looked around for a moment before realizing that Jack had not followed him from the tree where they had started.

"GET OVER HERE!!!" Brainstorm screamed at the robot.

Jack sighed and started towards Brainstorm at his regular casual pace.

Brainstorm's eye twitched, involuntarily.

Finally, Jack reached him.

"Jack, do you have any idea what my report on you looks like?!" Brainstorm demanded.

"No, but the way you're constantly adding to it, I'd say it takes up an entire computer hard drive," Jack yawned.

"It's disgraceful!" Brainstorm hollered. "If you ever tried to get another job somewhere else, they would take one look at my report, and laugh!"

Jack stared at Brainstorm.

"Where is this report, anyway?" He asked.

Brainstorm's eyes blanked out.

"Wh...what?" He stuttered.

"You're talking about your report all the time but we've never actually seen it. Where is it?" Jack inquired.

"I can't tell you that!" Brainstorm shot at him. "That's classified information!"

"Uh huh. It doesn't even exist, does it?" Jack yawned.

"Of course it exists!!!" Brainstorm shrieked. "I wrote it myself! And I'm afraid I'm going to have to add this conversation to it!"

"When?" Jack asked.

"When we get back to the lab!" Brainstorm screamed at him.

"I seem to recall every time we get back to the lab from an attack on these two, you immediately go to the main lab to come up with another bone-head plan then you go and take a nap." Jack said.

"I jot it down before my nap!!" Brainstorm screeched, hysterically. "Now, let's get back to destroying Calvin and his robotic tiger!"

And with that, Brainstorm whipped back around.

There was a pause.

"Why on Earth would I want to get another job after this one, anyway?" Jack asked.

"SHUT UP!!"

Just then, Brainstorm spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

Calvin and Hobbes were flying down the hill in the wagon about fifty feet away from where he was now.

"THERE THEY ARE!!" Brainstorm shrieked hysterically. "PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED YOU.... ENEMY OF MINE!!"

Jack closed his eyes.

Brainstorm started after the wagon, when suddenly, he caught something out of the corner of his eye.

He whipped around.

Calvin and Hobbes were now about a hundred feet away from him on the other side of the mountain, running down it.

Brainstorm and Jack stared at them.

"How'd they get over there?" Brainstorm asked.

Jack yawned and didn't reply.

"No matter! PREPARE TO BE.....!!!"

Just then, he saw Calvin and Hobbes rushing across a ridge twenty feet from where they had been seconds before.

Brainstorm whipped around and stared at them, bug eyed.

"I COMMAND YOU TO STOP!!" Brainstorm shrieked.

Calvin and Hobbes disappeared behind a boulder and suddenly they reappeared from behind a tree several feet away.

Brainstorm jerked over to them.

"HALT!!"

Calvin and Hobbes rushed out from behind the tree and behind another tree. At the exact same time they rushed out from behind the first tree, again and to the second one.

Brainstorm began looking around, hysterically, his eyes bugging out of his head.

Calvin was climbing a tree a few feet away from where he and Jack was now and Hobbes was riding the wagon down another ridge several feet away. Suddenly, they were together again in the wagon at the top of the hill, flying down it about 100 feet away from Brainstorm. Then they were running towards a boulder on the other side of the mountain.

Jack yawned.

Brainstorm rushed over to Jack and grabbed his arm.

"Jack, something very odd is going on around here!" He said, looking around, wide eyed.

"Yeah, Calvin duplicated himself," Jack said, flatly.

"We have to get out of here! This mountain must be infected with interdimensional energy that could destroy us at any second!!" Brainstorm screeched, evidently not hearing what Jack had said.

"No it couldn't," Jack said, checking his watch.

"TELL ALL THE TROOPS TO RETREAT!!" Brainstorm screamed, now in full fledged panic as he leaped up. "WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO HEADQUARTERS TO RECUPERATE OUR STRATEGY!!!"

"Uh huh," Jack said, rolling his eyes. "I look forward to seeing how you plan on doing that."

"THAT'S GOING INTO MY REPORT, JACK!!" Brainstorm screamed at the robot. "NOW, TO THE ROCKET!!!"

And with that, Brainstorm bolted off.

Jack stared after him for a moment, sighed, then followed.

"WHERE DID WE PARK?!?!" Brainstorm screeched, terrified.

Calvin peeked out from behind a bush. Brainstorm was nowhere in sight.

"Well, that worked," He grinned. He turned around and faced Hobbes and Socrates, who were standing by the duplicator, staring at him.

"Where'd he go?" Hobbes asked.

"Who cares? He's gone," Calvin said, walking up to the duplicator, and pushing the buttons. "Now, I'll just set the Duplicator to automatically delete the clones."

* * *

Meanwhile, Brainstorm was having a slight problem.

"WHERE'S THE ROCKET?!?!" He screeched, hysterically, running around in circles.

"I believe you parked it next to a tree." Jack said.

"WE'RE IN A FOREST!!!!!"

"Glad I could be of service," Jack nodded.

Brainstorm fumbled with his lab coat, and grabbed a small remote control out.

He frantically pushed the button, and pointed it to the south. Nothing happened. He pointed it to the east. Nothing happened. He pointed it to the north. Suddenly, it began beeping, rapidly.

"THIS WAY!!!" Brainstorm screeched, rushing off. "AND HURRY FIRST CHANCE YOU GET!!!"

Jack yawned, and followed after Brainstorm.

* * *

"You know this a truly fascinating device, Calvin," Socrates observed, peering into the Duplicator's chamber. "How does it work?"

Calvin looked up from his button-pushing and stared at Socrates.

"Socrates, if I even tried to explain to you how this complex molecular construction machine works do you think you would even begin to understand?" He questioned, his brow furrowing.

"Molecular construction machine?" Hobbes demanded, raising his eyebrow. "You just put those words together to sound smart!"

Calvin glared at him.

Just then, a sound reached Calvin and Hobbes' ears. Socrates didn't hear it, because he was too busy looking into the Duplicator. It was the sound of something very large rampaging through like an insane elk.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

Brainstorm was heading right for them, his head was down and he was watching the remote control in his hands.

"HURRY, JACK!! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!" He screamed, not seeing Calvin or Hobbes as he approached.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances, then leapt from the way just as Brainstorm bolted past them.

Unfortunately, he bumped into Socrates in his rush.

"WHOA!!" Socrates cried, falling into the cardboard box, which flipped over onto the ground.

BOINK!

"HURRY JACK!! I'VE ALREADY RAN INTO A FUZZY TREE TRUNK!!! REALITY IS NONEXISTENT ON THIS MOUNTAIN!!!! HELP!!!!"

Jack rolled his eyes, and walked past the cardboard box without even giving it a second look.

Calvin and Hobbes peeked out from the bushes.

They watched as Brainstorm hysterically crawled into the rocket, which predicably was by a tree, screeched at Jack for not getting in quick enough, then started it up.

VROOOOM!!!!

Dirt and rocks flew everywhere as the rocket took off into the sky. In the distance, they could hear Brainstorm screaming.

"JACK!!! GET YOUR FEET OFF THE CONSOLE!!!!"

They rolled their eyes.

"Well, now he's gone," Calvin said. "Now, where were we?"

He walked over to the Duplicator, and pushed another button.

"There," He said. "All the Calvin and Hobbes duplicates have been deleted. Let's get back to our game."

"Agreed." Hobbes nodded. "Where's Socrates?"

Calvin paused.

"I don't know. When did you see him, last?"

"SOCRATES?!" Hobbes called.

"Yes?" A voice from under the box asked.

Calvin and Hobbes looked back down at the box.

There was a long moment of silence.

"If the good lord loves me then what I think just happened did not happen...." Calvin groaned, miserably.

Hobbes continued to stare at the box. "Are you going to lift it up?" He asked.

"I'm too scared," Calvin whimpered.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and lifted the box up.

And the very thing that Calvin had dreaded had happened: Two Socrateses stood up, and started grinning, insanely.

"Jambo!" The first Socrates yelled, happily, holding a hand up.

"Which is Swahili for 'Hello', and Adventurese for 'I'm glad our paths have crossed!" The second Socrates grinned, crazily.

"Hobbes, am I dying?" Calvin asked turning to Hobbes. "That's the only way I can explain what I'm seeing, right now. This is the result of all the oxygen leaving my brain, isn't it?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"PLEASE tell me it's because the oxygen is leaving my brain!!" Calvin begged.

"Calvin, I think you're overreacting just a little bit." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, it's actually quite childish," The first Socrates said, shaking his head.

"Shameful," The second added.

"Socrates, what did you do?" Hobbes asked, turning to the two Socrateses. "Um... I mean... which one of you is the original?"

"Who cares? We're both the same people." The first Socrates said. The second one nodded and grinned.

"Whatever," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "What happened?"

"Well, I was examining Calvin's box when Dr Brainfreak must have rushed past me and knocked me inside." The second Socrates said.

"Hey, I'm the original, here, I should explain what happened!" The first Socrates said, glaring at the second.

Hobbes sighed.

"My life is flashing before my eyes," Calvin whined, who was currently in a fetal position on the ground.

The three tigers ignored him.

"OK, well you know that you guys can't both stay," Hobbes said, raising an eyebrow. "One of you has to go,"

"Well, it's not going to be me," The first Socrates said, crossing his arms.

"I'm not going anywhere," The second Socrates said, looking offended.

"There can't be two Socrateses," Hobbes insisted. "One of you has to leave,"

"Can't we just stay for a little while!" The second Socrates whined. "We promise we won't get a SWAT team involved with our activities!"

"Forget SWAT, you're going to get FBI agents swarming all over the place!" Calvin whimpered. "One Socrates is bad enough! NOW THERE'S TWO OF YOU!!!"

"What's wrong with that?" The first Socrates asked.

"Reality won't have meaning anymore!!" Calvin moaned. "Birds will start flying upside down! Pigs will start riding horses bareback! I'll be counting the number of pink elephants dancing on the top of a pen!"

Hobbes and the two Socrates rolled their eyes.

"Alright, I guess we can let you stay for a little while," Hobbes said, hesitantly.

Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"HOT DOG!!" The two Socrateses yelled in unison.

There was a pause.

"Well, we're off!" The first Socrates grinned.

They turned to leave.

"Wait a minute," Hobbes said, holding a hand up. "Where are you going? We have to finish our game!"

"Sorry, but I need to cut the game short, today," The second Socrates said. "We have work to do!"

"What... kind of work?" Calvin asked, slowly.

"Prank work!" The first Socrates announced. "I now have my perfect partner in crime! TALLYHO!"

"Which is British for 'After the fox', and Adventurese for 'Until we meet again.'!!" The second Socrates declared.

"I should really start saying tallyho, more!" The first one grinned.

And with that, both Socrateses rushed off, laughing their heads off.

Calvin and Hobbes watched them go.

"We're all gonna die," Calvin murmured.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

* * *

Andy was walking down the sidewalk, humming to himself. He had his Ipod in his pocket with one earbud running up from it into his left ear.

Suddenly he saw something on the sidewalk. It was fan behind a crate, which was piled up with white feathers.

Andy stopped and stared at it.

He looked around for some sign of the imfamous prankster, but didn't see him, anywhere.

"Socrates!" He called, taking the earbud out of his ear, and tucking it in his pocket. "Socrates? Where are you?"

There was no reply.

Andy looked around for the tiger, but saw him, nowhere.

"Socrates, I'm serious. I don't want to be attacked right now. I'm going to a very important... thing!" He lied.

Nothing.

Slowly, Andy made a step forward.

Mistake number one.

SNAP!!

He instantly stepped on a string which had been lined on the sidewalk, which triggered several gears and pulleys which had been set up in the bushes.

Then, a pie flew out from the bushes, and smacked Andy square in the face.

"ACK!!" He shouted.

Suddenly, Socrates leaped out from behind Andy, holding a bucket of glue.

He plunged the bucket forward, flinging glue all over the boy.

"HEY!!!" Andy yelled, still trying to get the pie out of his face.

The second Socrates then reached out from the bushes, and turned the fan on.

WHIIIIIRRRRR

Feathers flew everywhere. Mostly into Andy, though.

"AAAUGH!!" He yelled, falling over.

"HOO HOO HOO!!" The Socrates both hollered, rushing off in the other direction.

There was a moment of silence in which Andy lay on his back in the grass.

"I need to start carrying pepper spray with me instead on an Ipod," He sighed.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were walking down from Sneer Hill back to the house.

"Oh come on, Calvin," Hobbes said, patting Calvin on the back. "How bad can it be to let there be two Socrateses for a while?"

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"That's like asking, 'How bad can it be to let two random people out of the institution for the criminally insane?'."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Everything will be fine. They'll be enjoying their company so much that they won't even have time to prank anyone." He said, reassuringly.

_TWANG!!_

Suddenly a net sprang up from the ground, grabbing Calvin and Hobbes and yanking them up into a tree.

"AAAAAAAAUGH!!!"

There was a short pause in which they hung swinging in the tree.

"Oh really?" Calvin asked.

Suddenly Hobbes became aware of something dripping onto him.

He looked up.

"Oh..." He said.

"What?" Calvin demanded, looking around.

"Calvin, how desperately do you want to stay clean?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin blinked.

"What is it, this time? Catsup? Elmer's glue? Hydrochloric acid?" He sighed.

"Well....."

**_SPLAT!!!!!_**

Suddenly, something white dropped down on top of the net, coating Calvin and Hobbes with it.

There was a pause.

Hobbes put his finger in his mouth and tasted the substance.

"It appears to be ranch dip," He said. "I wonder where they got this amount."

Suddenly, the two Socrateses appeared from behind a tree.

They took one look at Calvin and Hobbes and burst out with insane laughter.

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" They screamed, pointing at the net and rolling around on the ground.

Calvin and Hobbes glared at them.

Finally, the Socrateses stopped laughing.

"Whoo!" The first one said, wiping some sweat from his brow. "This is just getting more and more fun by the minute, wouldn't you agree, Socrates?"

"Very much so, Socrates!" The second Socrates grinned. "Shall we continue spread our cheer around the town?"

"Let's!" The first one grinned. "TALLYHO!!"

And with that, they both rushed off.

Calvin and Hobbes watched them go.

"Mark my words," Calvin hissed. "That duplicate is gone!"

* * *

Socrates and Socrates were sitting in their bedroom together, setting up new pranks and whatnot.

"Alright," the first Socrates said. "We start with a springboard in the middle of the road."

"They get flung through the air and into the woods," added the second Socrates, drawing something on the blueprints.

"They land in a vat of chocolate syrup! Then we can make our escape…"

"No, wait! Let's add more! The vat is hurtled through the air!"

"Great idea! Then it can land in a tree, and it'll take them longer to get us!"

"No, hold on! The tree will be rubber!"

The first Socrates stared at him.

"Really?"

"Sure! Then the tree will bend back and fling the vat through the air in the opposite direction!"

"Okay, we can try that. And then it lands the Johnson's swimming pool."

"But the pool is empty!"

There was a pause.

"Empty?" the first asked.

"Well… Okay, we'll replace the water with sprinkles! They'll stick to their body!" the second said, erasing something and drawing something else.

"Genius!" the first exclaimed. "Then let's dump of vanilla ice cream on him!"

"How about vanilla swirl?"

"Vanilla swirl?! You're a _mad_man!"

"I'm you."

"Exactly! It's _brilliant_!"

"Oh, and let's add a gigantic cherry! It'll land on their head and explode!"

The first Socrates paused.

"Uh…Wouldn't that be overkill?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, you wanted a more elaborate prank. I'm just the idea guy," said the second, crossing his arms.

The first Socrates grinned.

"You know what, you're absolutely right!" he said. "Add that in!"

"Right-o!"

As the second drew, the first got up off his chair.

"Well," he said. "I think that's enough for one night."

As he started to leave the desk, the second looked up.

"What time should we get up?" he asked.

"Oh, early, so we can start the prank," said the first. "How about 8:30?"

"No, earlier than that. 7:00," said the second.

"How about 6:00?"

"No, 4:30!"

The first Socrates stared.

"Isn't that a tad on the _too_ early side?" he asked skeptically.

"Hey, I'm only looking out for us," the second Socrates said, shrugging.

The first Socrates grinned.

"You're right! Absolutely right!" he said. "4:30 it is!"

He then began to crawl into their bed.

"What are you doing?" the second Socrates demanded.

The first looked up in surprise.

"Er, I'm going to bed. We'll need the rest," he said.

"But we're so jacked up as it is! We can get a head start on it now!"

"It's two in the morning!" the first objected, looking at the clock.

"You get the vat of chocolate syrup, and I'll start draining the pool," the second said as if the first had never spoken.

The first Socrates grinned.

"Oh, this is great!" he said, staggering off the bed. "I'm in Prank Heaven!"

"Let's get started!" said the second.

And Socrates and Socrates ran out the room.

* * *

The next morning, Hobbes was walking towards the mansion. He was playing with a paddleball and humming to himself.

As he walked along, he couldn't help but notice a giant bag out in front of the mansion.

"That's odd," he said. "What's that doing there?"

Hurrying over, he walked around the giant bag, which was loaded to the brim with sprinkles. When he made it to the other side, he found a sleeping Socrates nuzzled against it. He was drooling on it, and he looked as though he'd been pushing it, what with his arms outstretched.

Hobbes stared at him for a long moment.

"Er…Socrates?" he said, nudging him.

Socrates looked around in a shocked yet drowsy stupor.

"WHO?! WHAT?! WHEN?! WHERE?!" he shouted, looking in all directions.

"Socrates, settle down, it's me! Hobbes!" Hobbes said, trying to calm him.

Socrates stared for a bit at him before finally collapsing on the ground.

"Are you okay?" Hobbes asked, bending over him.

"Oh, I'm fine," Socrates said, rubbing his eyes. "I didn't get any sleep last night."

"Why were pushing a giant bag of sprinkles?"

Socrates groaned.

"Ooooh, I _knew_ I forgot something!" he moaned, getting to his feet.

"You forgot you're setting up a prank? Socrates, you're not running a fever, are you?!" Hobbes asked, suddenly concerned.

"No, no," Socrates moaned. "The other Socrates is supposed to be draining a swimming pool. I already got the vat of chocolate syrup ready. After this, I need to set up the springboard and…and…Zzzzzz…"

Hobbes stared as Socrates fell asleep again.

"This will all end in tears," he sighed.

Just then, the second Socrates came meandering up.

"Hey there, Hobbo!" he said cheerfully. "How goes it?!"

"What are you two doing?" Hobbes demanded.

"We've decided to pull a prank on the Johnson family and that buck-toothed kid!"

"Well, I think your partner in crime says different." And he motioned towards the original Socrates, who was snoozing against the bag.

Socrates 2 stared at him.

"What's he doing?! Those sprinkles were supposed to be in the now-empty pool an hour ago!" he cried.

"What is the basis of the prank exactly?"

"We're trying to make a buck-toothed kid into a chocolate sundae."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Socrates 2 shook Socrates 1 awake.

"Hey, come on! Wake up! Up and at 'em! ¡Vamos! It's Spanish for, _LET'S GO!_"

Socrates 1 drowsily stood there, shaken and half awake.

"What…wha…what's…_SNORE_…what's, what's happening-ing?" Socrates muttered.

"You're not pulling your weight! We need both of us to complete this prank! Don't you want to see that kid dunked in chocolaty goodness?!"

"…Uh-huh…"

"Good! Now let's get this bag of sprinkles _moving_, shall we?"

And Socrates 2 pushed hard against the giant bag, shifting it forward as fast as he could.

Socrates merely fell asleep again.

Socrates 2 rolled his eyes.

"Slacker," he muttered.

"Well, you have to admit, you're working him kind of hard," Hobbes said. "Even Socrates needs a break once in a while."

"Nonsense! He's just lazy. I'll deal with him later. I've got sprinkles to dump in a swimming pool here!"

And he shuffled the bag away into the distance.

Socrates continued to sleep on the sidewalk.

Hobbes looked around and checked the sky.

"Well, it's a good thing there aren't any vultures around," he commented.

* * *

Calvin was reading comic books in his room when Hobbes came in.

"Well?" he asked. "What'd he say?"

"Something along the lines of a snore," Hobbes replied.

"Huh?"

"Well, one Socrates is exhausted and falling asleep in the middle of a prank and the other Socrates is practically a drill commander. I'm beginning to worry about him. _Both _of him."

Calvin scratched his chin. A devious grin slid across his face.

"Hmmm…," he said. "I've got an idea…"

"Oh dear," Hobbes sighed. "What now?"

"Maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way," Calvin said thoughtfully. "A new Socrates might be just what we need."

"Need for what?"

"Need for giving Socrates a taste of his own medicine! We'll let the clone run wild for a little while, and then maybe, Socrates will have learned a lesson!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Do you really think Socrates is capable of learning _anything_?" he asked.

There was a pause.

"Er…yeah, see your point. But still, I think we'll let the experiment fly. We'll see how Socrates likes having his own personality flung back at him."

* * *

Socrates was currently trying to get some sleep. He was wandering about the mansion, looking for a place to doze for a while, but he couldn't seem to find a place suitable. He shuffled down the hallways, dragging his feet as he went. He had bags under his eyes, and his eyes were just barely open. His yawns had become uncontrollable.

"Must…find…_sanctuary_…," he said through a yawn.

Finally, he reached his room. Grinning happily and sleepily, he scurried inside and jumped onto the bed, flipping over in the air and landing safely on his back.

"Aaaaaaaah……," he sighed contentedly.

He was just dropping off to Snooze Town when…

**_BZIP! _**"…_Maybe tomorrow, I'll wanna settle down…Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home_…"

Socrates stared at his radio.

"What the heck…?" he mumbled, reaching for it.

"…_So if you wanna join me…for a while…just grab your hat, come travel light, that's hobo style_…"

Mumbling and grumbling and fumbling, Socrates reached over and switched his radio off.

The second he did that, however…

**_SPROING!_**

…he was flung from the bed and catapulted into the ceiling. Smashing into the drywall and leaving him impression in it, Socrates tumbled away to the bed once again, landing with a thump, and causing bits of ceiling to rain on him.

"How…how did…?" he wondered aloud, but his questions were answered quickly.

The sound of a lunatic laughter rang through the air.

Socrates' pupils shrunk.

"Oh…he did _not_…," he hissed.

Suddenly, Socrates 2 came out of the shadows, rolling on the floor laughing.

Socrates glared at him, dreariness forgotten for the moment.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?!" he demanded.

Socrates 2 managed to stop laughing long enough to look at him.

Socrates was covered in dust from head to toe.

"You know, you should see someone about your dandruff," he said, and he burst out laughing again.

Socrates growled.

"You've got a lot of nerve poking your pranking fingers in my side!" he said. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"Well, you haven't really been able to keep up with me, so I'm ending the partnership," Socrates 2 said casually, examining his claws.

"What?!"

"Yes, you're really holding me back. You're not letting me reach my full potential. So, I've decided to go it alone."

Socrates growled at his duplicate.

"So that's how it is? You think I'm weak?"

"You're practically a soda without its fizz," Socrates 2 sneered.

"Well _I'll _show you! I declare a prank war!"

"May the best prankster win?"

"I plan to. Shake on it?"

They both shook hands.

**_BRZAP!_**

"ACK!"

They were both shocked by electric buzzers that they had been hiding.

They both landed on their rears, glaring at each other.

"It's been so long since I met a worthy adversary," Socrates 2 growled.

"You've only been alive for a few days!"

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were at the Johnson's house.

After the failed prank Socrates and Socrates had tried to pull, it had left the entire pool loaded with half-melted ice cream, chocolate syrup and sprinkles.

All four of them had volunteered to clean it out for the Johnsons, and they were currently at work doing that. They were swimming through the ice cream and sprinkles, eating their way through it all, slurping it up and getting covered in ice cream in the process.

Calvin, who was now coated in ice cream, syrup and sprinkles, swam to the edge of the pool. Hobbes burst out from beneath the surface seconds later, bathed in the stuff and swallowing a mouthful half-frozen goodness.

"Man!" Calvin laughed. "I can't believe we didn't duplicate Socrates sooner! This is the best I've eaten in a _long _time!"

Sherman came scurrying over. His fur was sugar-coated.

"How exactly _are_ the Wonder Twins, anyway?" he asked.

"Who knows? Who _cares_?" Hobbes snorted. "They're probably failing to set up another prank even as we speak!"

There was a pause.

"You know, we should _charge _kids for eating here," Calvin suggested.

"I'll set up a booth!" Andy said.

"I'll handle the money," Sherman added.

"Great! Let's get started!"

They climbed out of the pool and walked away from the pool, sticky and hyped up on sugar.

As they were leaving the backyard of the Johnson's house, they heard a sound coming from the direction of Socrates' mansion.

**_BOOM!_**

"What was that?" Andy asked.

Then they saw something sailing through the air towards them.

"Is that…is that _Socrates_?!" Hobbes asked, staring at the small dot that was slowly growing bigger.

A Socrates came flying through the air, crashing into a mailbox on the landing.

**_WHAM! _**

Letters went flying everywhere. A shower of postage went everywhere.

Calvin and Hobbes approached Socrates, who was dazed and confused.

"Socrates, you know that's a felony to destroy a mailbox, right?" Calvin asked.

"How come you never see a new mailbox coming in the mail?" Hobbes wondered.

Socrates shook his head and got back onto his feet.

"Can I trust the two of you to put it back for me?" he asked woozily. "I've got work to do."

"One of your pranks misfire?" Andy asked.

"Yeah…no…_sort of_," Socrates sighed.

A huge grin split across Calvin's face.

"Oh, don't tell me!" he laughed. "You've been pranked by your own duplicate!"

Socrates glared at him.

"It isn't funny!" he snapped.

Andy and Sherman immediately started laughing.

"It's so ironic," Sherman laughed. "Even _you_ can't stand you!"

"Gee, how existential can you get?" Andy chuckled.

Socrates growled. "Laugh all you want! The point is my duplicate has gone from a partner in crime to a real jerk."

"He's you," Hobbes reminded him.

"He takes no heed to my own feelings! He only cares about his own personal entertainment!"

"He's you," Calvin said, a little louder.

"He's a sneaky, no-good, trickster!"

"He's _you_!" Andy stated.

"He cares of no one but himself!"

"_He's_…_YOU_!" Sherman yelled.

"And how about that annoying laugh of his? It's irritating! He's practically _insane_!"

"**_HE'S YOU!!_**" they shouted, making him jump.

Socrates stared at them.

"Well, if you're just going to take _his_ side…," he snorted, crossing his arms.

"ERGH! We don't have time for this!" Calvin grumbled. "Andy, I'll help you build the booth."

"Me too," said Hobbes.

And they ran over to Andy and Sherman's garage.

Socrates glared at them and then back at the mansion.

"We'll _see_ who defeats _who_!" he snapped.

* * *

Later on, they had cleaned themselves up and were working in the garage of Andy and Sherman's house, putting together a crude stand.

"How much are we gonna charge?" Andy asked.

"Ooh, upwards of five bucks," said Calvin. "Not too steep. It's gotta be within the price range of the kids in the neighborhood."

"That's…what, you and Susie?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin paused.

"We'll charge seven for grownups," he decided.

"Smart."

As they continued, they noticed one of the Socrateses running down the road.

"Where's he going?" Hobbes asked.

"I dunno," said Calvin.

The Socrates had just finished passing them when he stepped on a square.

**_SPROING!!_**

"AUGH!"

The Socrates was flung backwards in the direction he'd come.

"He's going back. He must've forgotten something," Sherman commented.

The others shrugged and got back to work.

* * *

An hour later, Calvin, Hobbes and Andy were loading the stand into Calvin's wagon.

"Okay," Calvin said. "Now all we need to do is get it back down to the Johnson's place and start advertising."

"Shermie's already at work on the posters," said Andy.

As carefully as they could, they lowered it down into the wagon.

"Easy does it," said Hobbes.

_CLUNK!_

"Got it," said Calvin, setting it down.

**_FOOM!_**

They all looked up in surprise.

They could see a giant blue mushroom cloud growing just down the road.

"Unusual weather Socrates is having today," Hobbes commented.

Suddenly, a Socrates came rolling down the road like a bowling ball. He was rolling end-over-end down the road until he finally slowed to a halt and flopped out in the middle of the street.

They noted he was covered in blue dust.

Groaning and moaning, the Socrates struggled to his feet. Dusting himself off as much as he could, he noticed Calvin, Hobbes and Andy staring at him.

"YA DIDN'T SEE NOTHIN'!" he shouted, pointing at them madly.

And he pelted back down the road to the mansion.

"People today…," Calvin sighed, shaking his head. "They always _insist_ on changing their hair color."

"Shameful," Hobbes agreed.

And they started to move the wagon down the street.

* * *

Susie was playing with her dolls on the sidewalk. She was enjoying a sunny day and no weirdness.

This was interrupted when she saw Calvin coming towards her. She groaned.

"Calvin, you'd better not be coming here to ruin my tea party!" she warned, pointing a finger at him.

Calvin rolled his eyes as he stood next to her.

"Susie, I can assure you I have no interest in any table-stomping, chair-kicking, doll-stealing or tea-cup-throwing today," he said.

"Then why are you here?" she demanded.

Calvin pulled out a poster.

"Susie Derkins, for a small fee, I am willing to give you the offer of a lifetime!" he said cheerfully.

Susie grew suspicious of Calvin's smile. She took the poster and read it.

"A swimming pool full of ice cream?" she asked skeptically.

"You may partake in it for five dollars," Calvin grinned. "Spoons are complimentary!"

"They're free?"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "No, we wrote little personal praises on the handles. _Yes_, they're free."

Susie still looked skeptical. "Where is it?" she asked.

"Come on, I'll show you!" Calvin said eagerly.

Susie slowly stood up and made sure no one was around before she opted to see what Calvin was up to.

"I warn you, it's melted a little lately," Calvin said. "But it's still pretty—"

**_KABLAM!_**

There was a sudden explosion from down the street that made Calvin and Susie jump into each other's arms.

"What was that?!" Susie demanded.

"I don't know!" Calvin said, looking around in all directions.

Suddenly, they saw a stuffed tiger go sailing through the air.

_THUNK!_

It crashed into a tree and stuck there.

They both stared at it in shock.

"…Wasn't that _your_ stuffed tiger?" Susie asked slowly.

"No," Calvin replied. "Not at all."

It was at this point that they realized that they were hugging.

Suddenly embarrassed, both of them leapt away from each other.

Calvin scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "_SO_," he said loudly. "Um…what were we doing?"

"Um…ice cream pool?" Susie asked, digging her toe into the ground.

"Right! Yes! Er…this way," Calvin said, leading the way again.

They both walked down the street, trying not to look at each other.

As they left, a Socrates fell out of the tree.

"THAT DOES IT!" he shouted. "THAT CLONE IS _TOAST_!"

And he ran back the way he came.

* * *

A few hours later, Calvin, Hobbes and Andy were at the pool, joining a lot of kids and adults in eating ice cream out of the Johnson's swimming pool.

People were eating, swimming and getting a mean sugar rush out of it.

"What a great idea this was!" Calvin laughed, enjoying his fifteenth ice cream cone.

"Do you think your parents will get mad about charging money for this?" asked Hobbes asked, bringing his head up from slurping melted ice cream.

"Shouldn't think so," Andy said, his mouth full. "Look."

Hobbes looked up and saw Calvin's parents were swimming in the stuff. In fact, they were loosening their belts!

"Huh. Whaddya know?" he commented.

Sherman arrived, carrying a clip of money.

"How'd we do?" Calvin asked.

"We've made at least fifty bucks!" Sherman grinned.

"Cool! What does that divide to four ways?" Andy asked.

"About twelve dollars and fifty cents, each of us."

They stared at him.

"It's a sobering thought, isn't it?" Sherman sighed.

They nodded.

"Well, twelve and a half bucks," Calvin considered. "That'll still buy a lot of comic books."

"True," Hobbes agreed.

"Oh, by the way," Sherman continued. "Socrates and Socrates want to see you two."

Calvin checked his watch. "Yeah, I figured about as much."

Hobbes nodded and followed him around to the front.

They found two Socrateses, battered, weary, and clearly beaten. Both of them were leaning against the stand for support.

Calvin couldn't help but grin madly at them.

"So…," he said sweetly. "What can we do for ya?"

"We want of us to be eliminated," the original Socrates said. "I vote for him."

"And I vote for him," said Socrates 2, pointing at him.

"Does it really make a difference?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, couldn't we just get rid of both of you?" Calvin added.

They both glared at him. He merely grinned in return.

"I'll get the box," he chuckled, and went over to his house.

* * *

A few minutes later, the cardboard Duplicator was on its side and ready to work.

"Okay," he said. "So, ready to be unduplicated?"

"Well, it's been a pain knowing you," both Socrateses said to each other. "Yes, thank you. Have fun on the other side."

There was a pause as both clones glared at each other.

"No, you!" they both said. "NO, YOU!! STOP IT!! GO!!"

Calvin sighed.

"Hobbes?"

"Check."

Hobbes immediately shoved by Socrateses back into the box.

"HEY!!" they shouted together.

Hobbes slammed the box doors shut.

"Now!" he yelled.

Calvin hit the button on the side of the box.

**_UNBOINK!_**

The movement in the box finally ceased.

Hobbes opened the box, and only one Socrates tumbled out.

"There, that's _one _major annoyance gone and dealt with," Calvin sighed, leaning against the box. "Now…what to do with the other one?"

"I don't suppose there's a chance you actually learned something from all of this?" Hobbes asked, helping Socrates to his feet.

Socrates paused.

"You'd better have learned _something_!" Calvin said warningly. "You just had your own unlikable personality flung back at you, in more ways than one!"

"I suppose I learned something," he said.

"Good. What is it?"

"You guys have a lot to put up with just _knowing _me."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Meh. Better than nothing," Calvin decided.

"True," Hobbes agreed.

"Yep, I now have a newfound respect for you guys," Socrates continued.

"Really?" Hobbes asked.

"Yep-er-doodles! And tomorrow, as you're both scraping glitter and glue off of your persons, I shall look at you with the highest respect."

Calvin and Hobbes sighed wearily.

"I'll be sure to wear some old clothes tomorrow," Calvin sighed.

"And I a raincoat," Hobbes added. "Ice cream in a pool?"

"Sure," Socrates grinned.

And they wandered back to the pool.

"So, is it true you and Susie _hugged _today?" Hobbes asked teasingly.

"**_SHUT UP!!_**" Calvin yelled, blushing.

**The End**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segall Adlon** Calvin**  
Tom Hanks** Hobbes**  
Ryan Stiles** Socrates / Socrates 2**  
Andrew Lawrence** Andy**  
Colin Mochrie** Sherman**  
Dakota Fanning **Susie**  
Neil Crone **Dr Brainstorm  
**Michael Brandon **Jack

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Invasion


	8. Invasion P1

**Summary: **Galixoid and Nebular call upon Calvin and Hobbes when their planet is invaded.

* * *

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Part one written by Swing123  
_

**Invasion**

A single satellite dish slowly orbited the Earth. Solar panels were rotating on it to catch the beams of the sun as it drifted slowly around the planet.

Suddenly, a motion detector on it noticed something off to the left.

Slowly, it began turning around, as a camera came into view.

ZOOM!!! CRASH!!!!

In an instant the satellite dish was destroyed as a green space jet whipped past it, crashing into it in the process.

"Oops!" Galixoid grunted, looking in the rearview mirror as the wrecked satellite hurled towards the Earth in a ball of flames. "Do you think they'll notice that?"

"Nah!" Nebular waved it off, who was currently watching a movie on the monitor. "They have tons of those things. Just don't do it, again!"

Galixoid shrugged and kept flying.

"I don't get these Earth movies," Nebular said, staring at the monitor.

Galixoid looked around.

Nebular was watching the ending to The Astronaut's Wife.

No comment.

"I tell you, the way these earthlings act, you'd think we had something against them," Galixoid said, shaking his head. "I mean how many times has this planet even been attacked?"

"Lots of times, but all the attacks were so small and pathetic that almost nobody noticed it." Nebular said, turning around.

There was a pause.

"Oh," Galixoid said.

"Well," Nebular said, taking the DVD out of the monitor's player. "I going to get started on Old Yeller, next. Heard that was a good movie,"

"Oh, yeah, I saw that movie," Galixoid said. "It was sad,"

"How come?" Nebular said, turning around.

"There aren't any aliens in it," Galixoid said.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Well, what does that have to do with anything?" Nebular asked.

"I dunno, I just like movies with aliens in them," Galixoid said.

"Oh," Nebular said. "Well, I'll go get that DVD set for Star Trek."

Nebular stood up from his seat, and glided across the floor over to a shelf cram-packed with DVDs.

They continued flying.

Frank Sinatra was playing on their radio.

"This is ridiculous," Galixoid sighed, finally. "We're supposed to be gathering information about the Earth for our leader, and we haven't gotten a single fact learned so far."

"Well, one wouldn't think we would learn that much just by flying around the planet," Nebular said, scanning the shelf.

"Do you have any better ideas?" Galixoid demanded, whirling around.

Nebular paused.

"Well, we could always ask the Earth Potentate," He said.

Galxoid's eye blanked out.

"But... That would be taking the easy way out!" He said, finally. "Is that what you want the leader to think? That we're both a couple of wimps?"

"You're right," Nebular said, holding up a tentacle in defeat. "Just forget I said it."

They kept flying. The minutes passed. They flew past Africa for the fifth time.

Galixoid's eye twitched.

"What was the activation code for that transmitter, again?" he asked, finally, taking out a small keyboard from underneath the console.

Nebular grinned.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and the MTM were sitting in the tree house, planning out their latest attack on Susie.

Socrates was handling the idea for the attack, Calvin was doing the math required for it to work, MTM corrected all of Calvin's answers, and Hobbes took notes.

"Alright, Socrates the plan seems good," Hobbes said, examining the blueprints in front of him.

"Yep!" Socrates grinned. "It can't possibly fail!"

"But where are we going to get a medieval catapult?" Hobbes asked, rolling his eyes.

"Or three grizzly bears?" Calvin sighed.

"And we're nowhere near Los Angeles," MTM said.

"Oh _details_!" Socrates scoffed. "You think I sit around worrying about how I'm going to pull off the pranks I come up with?!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances. He had a point.

"Alright, Socrates, we'll bite," Calvin sighed. "How do we begin to set this up?"

"Well," Socrates said, picking up the blue prints. Which was really just a big piece of blue construction paper. "We'll need to buy all the DVDs at Brown's General Store and lay them out one at a time around the mansion. Then we'll go and.... BEEEP!!!"

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"I said we'll go and... BEEP! _BEEP_!! BOP!" Socrates shouted.

"Socrates what are you doing?" Calvin sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I'm telling you the plan to our attack!" Socrates said, defensively. "And if you don't want to hear it, then I'll just use it myself for my own purposes!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Alright, go on," Hobbes sighed.

"Good," Socrates grinned. "Now, once we get all the DVDs laid out we'll take those some seven hundred unfilled water balloons and.... beep...beep beep! BEEEP BEEP! INCOMING MESSAGE!! INCOMING MESSAGE!!"

Suddenly, to Calvin, Hobbes and the MTM's shock, Socrates leaped into the air, spun around three times and landed on his tail, with his legs and arms held out at his side.

Calvin, Hobbes and the MTM stared in shock.

"Uuuh... accept message," Hobbes said, finally.

"Please wait. Proper connection pending." Socrates said in a robotic voice.

"Gee whiz," Calvin said. "We haven't seen this for a couple seasons."

MTM yawned.

Suddenly, Socrates' mouth began moving, again, but this time, someone else's voice came out.

"Hello? Hello? Is the transmitter chip still operational?" Galixoid asked.

"Yep, evidently," Calvin nodded. "How've you been, Galixoid?"

"Oh, we've been doing pretty good," Galixoid said.

"Tell about how you killed a satellite!" Nebular interrupted, giggling.

"No, no, shut up!" Galixoid said, muffling Nebular's voice.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"But you did! You crashed right into it and went..."

"Quiet! Shut up! He doesn't know!"

There was a short pause with some rustling around. Then Galixoid returned.

"Earth Potentate?" He asked. "Where was I?"

"If I can't get The Scifi Channel, anymore you're in big trouble," Calvin said, crossing his arms.

Galixoid gulped.

"I'm... sure you still will," He said, nervously. "Anyway, we need some more information on Earth for our leader, King Stor."

Calvin checked his watch.

"Oh, very well, but please hurry, I'm a very busy man," He said.

"Take your time, he doesn't have anything better to do," MTM cut in. "Trust me. He just doesn't want you to know,"

Calvin pushed the MTM away with his foot.

"What can I do for you?" Calvin asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"Ah, good!" Nebular said, pulling out a piece of paper. "Now we were most interested in your species of feline,"

Hobbes perked up, and immediately went into know-it-all mode.

"There are thirty six different species of wild cats on Earth," He said, matter-of-factly. "Four subspecies of tiger, three others, unfortunately went extinct. Some of the 'lesser' known felines out there are called sand cats, clouded leopards, servals, caracals, margaies, kodkods..."

"Hobbes, shut up, they're asking me!" Calvin cut in. He turned back to Socrates.

He thought for a moment.

He turned back to Hobbes.

"Go ahead with your list," He said, finally.

"No, no, that should do it for cats," Galixoid said, who was furiously scribbling on the paper.

"Next, we wanted to ask you about your planet's rotational pattern," Nebular said.

"Oh sure," Calvin shrugged. "Our moon circles the Earth in one month. The Earth makes a full turn in one day. The Earth makes a full revolution around our sun in one year."

There was a pause.

"What are those?" Galixoid asked.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"Months, days and years. What are those?" Nebular asked.

Calvin and Hobbes heaved deep sighs.

"Just put Earth measurements of time," Hobbes said.

They did so.

"One more thing and we should be good!" Galixoid said. "Those little yellow pieces of food that's shaped like your species of fish?"

"Goldfish snacks," Calvin said. "And no, you can't have any more."

"That should do it!" Nebular grinned, happily. "Thanks Earth Potentate! We'll call back if we need anything!"

"Sure thing," Calvin said. "See you, Galixoid. Nebular."

"Bye!" The aliens chimed.

Hobbes reached forward and tapped Socrates' nose.

"Resume normal functions in three.... two... three... four..." Socrates said.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up and stared.

"...five....six.... five.... four and twenty black birds baked in a pie...... three..."

Suddenly the chip began sizzling wildly, and Socrates began jumping up and down.

"What's going on!" Calvin demanded, looking at Socrates a little freaked out.

"INCOMING MESSAGE!! INCOMING MESSAGE!!" Socrates screamed, again his arms and legs shooting back up, again.

"Galixoid and Nebular probably just forgot something," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "What is it, guys?"

There was no reply. Only static came from Socrates' open mouth.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates.

".......where?" A faint voice came from Socrates. "When? It won't work.... it can't....." It went back to static.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

They moved in closer, trying to hear the voice.

"I don't know....." The faint voice said, again. ".....they can't.... don't want to die..... getting out...."

Calvin's brow furrowed. The voice sounded oddly familiar.

"...want to die...." The voice said, again, this time getting a little more frantic. "...Can't.....you won't do..... won't work.... must....."

It went back to static.

Calvin and Hobbes backed away, in a total stump.

"What the heck was that?" Hobbes demanded.

"Sounded like someone who was obsessed with not dying," Calvin shrugged.

"Yeah, that really narrows it down," MTM sighed.

"...can't do this......" The voice said, faintly from Socrates. Calvin could have sworn he recognized the voice. "...it's coming.... I won't..... this isn't......"

There was a short pause, only interrupted by the static.

Just then, Socrates' eyes burst open and he let out an ear piercing scream.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!!!!_**" He screamed in pain and agony. His transmitter stance fell, and he collapsed to the ground, holding his head in pain and writhing across the floor, shrieking.

"DO SOMETHING!!!" Hobbes said, panic-stricken, backing away from Socrates.

"Certainly," MTM said, calmly. "What would you like me to do?"

"Turn his chip off! Turn it off!" Calvin yelled over Socrates.

"Sure thing," MTM yawned. "Electrical deactivation process activated."

The CD player began humming, lowly.

Socrates stopped screaming, abruptly.

He curled up on the floor and closed his eyes.

"Resume normal functions in three.... two... one...." The robotic voice said.

There was a long pause.

Socrates opened his eyes.

Calvin and Hobbes were at the back of the tree house, staring at him in shock.

"Oh, hi!" He grinned, sitting back up. "Sorry, I've lost my train of thought. What were we talking about?"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

Socrates looked back and forth between them.

"Hello?" He said, waving. "Anything new?"

Finally, Calvin spoke.

"We're going to see Sherman," He said, crossing his arms.

"Ooooh!" Socrates groaned. "I don't want to!"

"Tough," Hobbes said. "Come on, MTM,"

Calvin grabbed the MTM and he and Hobbes left the tree house.

Socrates sighed.

"It seems like every time I pass out I miss out on something interesting!" He whined, following after them.

Uh huh.

* * *

Meanwhile, several million light-years away, Galixoid and Nebular had just returned back to their home planet, Annkor.

The beings on Annkor are benevolent beings, peaceful and almost like the society on Earth. All the aliens look like Galaxoid and Nebular, just in different sizes and clothes.

One alien watched Galixoid and Nebular land their space jet on a landing pad near a somewhat nifty alien designed mansion.

"You return!" The alien cheered as Galixoid and Nebular stepped out of their space jet. "Did the ambassadors of planet Earth gather more information on said planet?"

Galixoid and Nebular exchanged glances.

"Uuhh... Yeah!" Nebular said. "Sure! Why not?"

"Heh, heh," Galixoid chuckled, nervously.

The alien stared at them.

"Well, anyway, King Stor awaits your discoveries," He said, finally, moving aside and revealing the doorway to the mansion.

There was a pause.

"You did get some information on Earth didn't you?" The alien demanded, his brow furrowing.

"Yes! Yes! Of course we got information on Earth!" Nebular said, defensively.

"Yeah, of course we did!" Galixoid repeated. "What did you think we were doing over there?!"

"Watching Earth alien movies?" The alien said, rolling his eye.

"Hey, those are good movies!" Galixoid defended. "Have you seen Independence Day? It's great!"

There was a pause.

"Even though it doesn't really have anything to do with Independence Day," Nebular added.

The alien rolled his eye.

* * *

King Stor was sitting a throne room inside the mansion. He was a bit taller than any of the other aliens but looked pretty much the same, overall.

Galixoid peeked inside the room.

Stor was reading a magazine.

"Your highness?" Galixoid asked, sheepishly.

Stor looked up.

"Ah, Galixoid!" He said in a kind, but surprisingly high pitched voice. "Come in. Where's Nebular?"

Galixoid looked over his shoulder.

"Uuh..." he said, looking around for his co-piolet.

"Present!" Nebular gasped, running into the throne room. "Sorry. I was unpacking!"

Galixoid and Stor stared at him.

"Unpacking what? We didn't take anything," Galixoid said.

Stor cut them off.

"Anyway, I've just been reading this Earth reading material," He said, holding up the magazine titled Robot's Weekly. "It's quite an interesting read. Did you know that some of these Earthlings will rust if placed in water?"

Galixoid and Nebular stared at him.

"Anyway, what did you find out from your trip to Earth?" Stor yawned, throwing the magazine away.

Nebular grinned and cleared his throat.

"Ahem. You're highness, Stor, we bring you more information about the third planet in the solar system of the Milky Way that..."

"Get to the point," Stor sighed, rolling his eye.

"Right," Nebular said, embarrassed. "You asked about Earth's rotational pattern around its sun. We have discovered through much pain-staking research...."

Galixoid rolled his eye around.

"....Through Earth time measurements that the planet rotates the sun in one year! Which is the equivalent to...." He paused. He turned to Galixoid. "What is it the equivalent to, again?"

"Seven loomres." Galixoid said.

"...Seven loomres!" Nebular said, spinning back around to the king.

"Fascinating," King Stor said, rubbing his chin with a tentacle. "What about the feline species on that planet?"

"Oh, we got a lot of info on them, your highness!" Galixoid grinned.

They proceeded to tell Stor everything they had learned from Calvin, stretching it out with scientific-sounding words to make it seem like there was more information.

When they were finally done, Stor was overjoyed.

"Excellent work, my ambassadors!" He cheered. "Now, that we have the basic information we need, we can incorporate it into our planet system!"

"Cool!" Galixoid grinned.

"Just go add the final entry into our file on Earth and we can get started on Mars!" Stor sighed.

"Great, so we can go?" Nebular asked.

"You may leave," Stor nodded.

"Great! Let's go out to lunch!" Galixoid grinned.

"Agreed!" Nebular said. "I'm starving!"

And with that, the two aliens skipped out. How does something without legs skip?

* * *

Sherman was in his lab mixing chemicals together, like he's always doing. Nothing new there.

Andy was standing by his desk, fetching tools for him and reporting the readings off of a computer nearby.

The tiny hamster slowly let one drop of a green liquid fall from one beaker into another filled with a yellow liquid. The two substances mixed and began sizzling.

"Any change?" Sherman asked Andy.

"Clearly," Andy said, who was staring at the computer screen clearly bored out of his skull.

"What did the readings say?" Sherman asked.

"One of those little lines just jumped," Andy said, pointing at the screen.

Sherman stared at him.

"Yes?" He said, motioning for him to continue.

"The computer's still beeping," Andy said.

"What did the peak reading get up to?" Sherman demanded, starting to get impatient.

Andy squinted at the screen.

".....Four." He said, finally.

Sherman's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Just then, another computer screen roared to life.

Andy and Sherman looked up.

The monitor showed a view of the sidewalk outside, which currently had Calvin and Hobbes walking down it towards the front door. Calvin was holding the MTM under his arm and Socrates was shortly behind them, moaning, pitifully.

"Oh no," Sherman groaned. "What could they possibly want, now? Don't they know I'm very busy?!"

"Yeah, that's probably why they came," Andy said. "Frankly, I'm never been so happy to see someone while I'm busy with something,"

Sherman glared at him.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes walked up to Andy's doorstep, stopped, and turned around.

They watched Socrates approach.

"Can't we go visit the town dump or something?" The tiger whined.

"Sure," Calvin said, who was fiddling with the MTM. "You go do that. Just hold on a second."

Calvin pushed a button on the MTM.

"Digital Scanner Activated." MTM said.

A green light shot out of the tip of the MTM and scanned Socrates up and down.

Socrates froze.

"What are you doing?" He demanded.

"Checking to make sure you're physically fit to go see a dump," Calvin lied, as the MTM scanned Socrates. "Good, now go away."

Socrates stared at him.

"What?" He demanded.

"I said go away," Calvin growled. "We're having a private conversation with hamster,"

"Why did you drag me out here if I wasn't even going to be a part of the discussion?!" Socrates shouted.

"You dumped melted cheese on me, yesterday, and you needed the exercise." Calvin said. "Now get lost,"

"I refuse to leave until I figure out what's going on!" Socrates growled.

Suddenly, Socrates' eyes blanked out.

"Oh.... No wait.... I just remembered!" He said, his eyes lighting up.

"Remembered what?" Hobbes asked.

"Hobbes, remember that big prank we've been planning for the past few months?!" Socrates grinned.

"No," Hobbes said. "What big...." Suddenly, Hobbes stopped talking. For several seconds he stared at Socrates for a moment, then he grinned. "Oh.... That big prank! Now I remember!"

"I think I'm going to go finish it, now" Socrates said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Calvin looked back and forth between Hobbes and Socrates.

"What big prank?" He asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Hobbes and I have been planning a big prank for the last few months!" Socrates said, grinning evilly at Calvin. "We've been calculating it all through making sure everything is absolutely perfect and whatnot! We'll often talk about the outcome of said prank and just laugh!"

Calvin glared at him.

"You're laughing all the time, that doesn't make it special," He said, crossing his arms.

Hobbes looked over at Socrates.

"You know that's true," He said. "You were laughing when I said, 'Hey, I have a great idea for a prank,'"

Socrates shrugged and turned back to Calvin.

"Do you know what it is?" He questioned.

Calvin didn't move. He waited for Socrates to say something.

Socrates continued grinning. Then, without another word, he rushed off in the other direction.

Calvin's face fell.

"NO! Wait! Where are you going?! What's the prank?! What are you planning?!" He demanded, angrily.

Socrates rushed off, laughing his head off.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE! I'M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU, YET!!! WHAT ARE PLANNING, CAT?!?!**_ SOCRATES!!!_**"

Socrates rounded a corner, and vanished.

"What's he planning?! What's he planning?!?" Calvin demanded, terrified, whipping around to Hobbes. "I don't want any more mayonnaise on my person! Please don't let him throw any glue at me!! **_WHERE'S THE PAINT BALL GUN!!!_**"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Ever get the feeling you're overreacting, a bit, Calvin?" He asked.

"CALL THE FBI!! CALL OPRAH!! CALL THE SCIFI CHANNEL!! CALL DOCTOR WHO!!! SOCRATES IS PLANNING SOMETHING BIG!!! ARMAGEDDON HAS ARRIVED, EARLY!!! HELP!!!!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and rang the doorbell.

There was a pause, then Andy answered the door.

"Oh, hey guys," He said, smiling. "How's it going?"

"Andy, do you think your basement could resist the power of an atom bomb?" Calvin asked.

Andy stared at him.

"Uuuh... No, but Sherman's lab might." He said.

"We need something ten times more resistant!" Calvin whined. "I predict we all have seven days to live!"

"Hi, Andy," Hobbes said, trying to push Calvin aside. "We wanted to talk to Sherman. Something seems to be going wrong with Socrates' chip, again."

"Birds are going to start falling dead out of the sky! Japan is going to fall into the ocean! There's going to be some weird hobo with a beard and a big sign saying 'the end is near', yelling at us 'I told-eth thee so!!'!!"

"Well, he's in his lab, working," Andy said, ignoring Calvin. "You can go see him if you want,"

"For years people will be living in small confined villages around the planet!! THE ONLY SURVIVORS!! They'll be gathered around campfires eating fried bats on sticks and talking about the 'old world' before the Socrates reign struck!" Calvin groaned.

"Thanks, Andy," Hobbes said, walking into the place. "Hey, did you redecorate the place?" He asked, looking around the livingroom.

"But you watch! The clowns will survive!" Calvin continued, following Hobbes into the house. "It will wipe out the mimes, but the clowns will still be here! Remember, all they need is a few bits of tattered clothing and a damp rag and they thrive! _THRIVE!!_"

"Yeah, my parents and I just repainted the livingroom," Andy nodded. "You like it?"

"Money will have no significant use, anymore! People will be in the streets fighting over bread crumbs and counting the lice in their beards! That's when the rednecks will start taking over!!"

"Yes, it's very creative," Hobbes nodded. "Quite a nice shade of green. I like how you left the insides of the bookcases that blue color."

"And then to make things worse you'll still have to pay your bills!! If you're in debt right now, and you think this is a convenient way to get out then guess again!! You think the apocalypse is going to stop the IRS?!? NOTHING CAN STOP THOSE PEOPLE!!!"

"Yeah, we just got lazy there," Andy nodded.

"Calvin, you just said money won't have any significant use, anymore," Hobbes said.

"THIS IS SOCRATES, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, PEOPLE!!!" Calvin cried. "REALITY HAS SLIPPED FROM VIEW!!!!"

MTM had been silent all this time, but finally he said something.

"Should be a bit of fun," He said. "It'll give me a chance to test out my new apocalypse alarm."

It took several minutes for Hobbes, Andy and the MTM to calm Calvin down, but finally they managed to do it, somehow, and they entered Sherman's lab.

* * *

Sherman typed on his computer which the MTM was now connected to as numbers flashed across the monitor before him.

"The readings say that everything is fully functional on Socrates' chip," He said, looking up at Calvin and Hobbes. "Now what happened, again?"

"He just started picking up this weird signal and started screaming in pain," Hobbes said.

"I see," Sherman nodded. "What did the signal say?"

"The voice was too garbled, I didn't get all of it," Calvin sighed. "It was some weirdo saying he didn't want to die,"

Sherman stared at him.

"That really narrows it down, Calvin," He said.

Calvin glared at him.

"From what I can see from the chip's archive is that the transmition came from Galixoid and Nebluar's home planet, Annkor." Sherman said, looking at the computer screen.

"That must mean it came from someone on the planet," MTM said.

Andy and Sherman glared at the MTM.

"Well, that would follow, wouldn't it?" Sherman said, impatiently.

"What about when he screamed?" Hobbes asked.

Sherman turned to another computer screen.

"I wouldn't worry about that. That was just the chip straining to pick up the weak signal. When a call is breaking up, the chip is programmed to try and extend its calling range. When doesn't work for a really weak signal, it causes it to short circuit for a while." The hamster explained.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Oh," Calvin said.

"So the chip isn't wearing out, again?" Hobbes said.

"Nope," Sherman shook his head. "It just picked up a stray signal after Galixoid and Nebular hung up,"

"That means the signal came from someone _on _Annkor," MTM repeated.

Sherman glared at the MTM, again.

"Yes, MTM, that's what I said, good job." He said, rolling his eyes.

"No, wait, Calvin said he thought he recognized the voice that came from the transmition." MTM said.

Calvin glared at him.

"I did no such thing," He said, his brow furrowing.

"No? Well, I must have picked up your brain waves on the subject," MTM said.

"Calvin, that mind-reading feature is really starting to bug me," Hobbes said.

Calvin didn't answer. He was deep in thought.

"The thing is, though, I did think the voice sounded familiar. There was just something about the tone...."

"Who was it?" Andy asked, who was leaning against Sherman's work desk.

"I don't know," Calvin sighed, shaking his head. "But I just know I've heard that voice before,"

"That means someone we know is on Annkor," Hobbes said. "But who would be there of all places?"

"I have a suggestion," MTM said.

All eyes turned to the MTM.

"Let's have Calvin make a list of everyone he knows," the CD player said.

Silence.

Andy stared at the red and chrome CD player.

"How are we supposed to do that?" He demanded. "We don't know how many people Calvin knows,"

"I know how," MTM said, slyly.

* * *

Meanwhile, on Annkor, a dark figure was sitting in a pitch black cell.

He was breathing heavily, and holding a device up to his mouth that obscured his voice.

"Three hours," He hissed into the device. "The barriers will go down in three hours,"

There was a pause.

"Um.... What's an hour?" Another voice asked, from the device.

"It's another one of those concepts these people got from that idiotic planet... Earth." The dark figure said, his voice still obscured.

Oh boy.....

**To Be Continued...**


	9. Invasion P2

_Part two written by Garfieldodie_

Galaxoid and Nebular were sitting at a drive-thru restaurant, preparing for their lunch.

"This place any good?" Nebular asked, looking around.

"Hope so," Galaxoid replied. "It says on the sign that this place is one of the healthiest places around."

"And according to fifty-six different planets, health is good."

They pulled their small hovercraft forwards a few meters towards the menu and the speaker outside the building.

"Thank you for choosing Sdrawkcab. May I take your order?" a slightly garbled voice rattled.

"Yes, we'd like to order two sandwiches, one tuna and one turkey," Galaxoid said into the intercom.

"And two coffees," Nebular added.

"Your total is $9.20. Your space is 3B. Please float ahead to the first window, please," the voice garbled, and with a click, it was gone.

Accelerating slowly forward, they arrived at a parking lot. Approximately ten little lots were available, many of their spaces packed with small crafts of certain kinds. Some looked Earth-created. An old black Bentley sat in the fifth space of the second lot. A Chrysler sat in the twelfth space of the eighth lot. Of course, there was a wider selection than that. Some crafts resembled Galaxoid and Nebular's craft, small hovercrafts. Others were metallic hovering sticks. Others looked like variations on motorcycles. Even an odd upgraded version of a unicycle sat in the twenty-first space of the ninth lot.

Galaxoid and Nebular piloted to the second space of the third lot. On Galaxoid's side was a tall tube that stretched out from under the ground. This was apparently the way of a planet from the fifteenth universe, and it was sort of service portal specially designed for the patrons of this restaurant.

No sooner had they parked the craft and shut down when the tube suddenly flashed, and once the light cleared, a waitress wearing a pink uniform appeared. She opened the sliding door on the tube and approached them just as Nebular was rolling the window down. She smiled pleasantly at them and set down a plate of money. She then returned to the tube and shut the sliding door behind her, zapping away again.

Galaxoid and Nebular could only stare at the money in surprise.

Shrugging, they pocketed away.

"Maybe we're the millionth customers," Galaxoid suggested.

"I don't think this restaurant does this," Nebular replied. "This is supposed to be a recreation of a restaurant chain in the fifteenth universe: Esrever."

Soon after, the waitress returned through the tube with some crockery, cups, saucers, and a plate. She put them on a tray that she latched onto the side of the craft, and then went to serve someone else.

The cups were dirty. It had a coffee ring around the top, and there was some half-dissolved sugar in the bottom. The plate was dirty too. It was covered in crumbs, and in the middle there was a huge blob mayonnaise.

Before Nebular could call her back, they both suddenly felt sick. Liquid was gushing up their throats, but they both managed to catch it in their coffee cups.

But they hadn't been sick. They looked into the cups. They were half full of coffee.

Both of them were immediately nervous.

Now Galaxoid _knew_ he'd be sick, and he held a tentacle to his mouth as he felt something come up, and he regurgitated a perfectly triangular piece of a tuna sandwich. This was followed in rapid succession by three more quarters until the sandwich was a whole square.

Nebular followed this process, regurgitating bits and piece of a turkey sandwich until he finally had the entire sandwich. This was immediately followed by a silver of cucumber.

Galaxoid then regurgitated a sliver of a tomato.

Then they both felt more liquid come up, and they both immediately brought their cups to their mouths to allow the coffee to fill the cups to the top, and they felt the liquid get warmer as it came.

It was definitely coffee. There was steam coming off it, in fact.

Nebular then noticed a mug of sugar with a spoon on the tray that was still full. He took the empty spoon to the coffee and swirled it around in it, and when it emerged, it was loaded with sugar. He uneasily put it away with the rest of the sugar.

Looking around, they could see just what was going on.

A large female mother alien had two unruly children in her own craft, and she was regurgitating a large chocolate éclair. A male alien was in another vehicle, and he was jabbing a fork into his mouth, pulling out beans with it.

It took them a moment to figure it out, but Galaxoid and Nebular realized just what everything meant. Sdrawkcab was backwards. It was _really_ Backwards. This entire restaurant was backwards.

They were staring at their newly regurgitated food in stunned silence.

The waitress suddenly returned through the tube, took the food and left again.

There was a long pause as Galaxoid and Nebular stared at each other.

"Well, I've lost my appetite," Nebular said, clutching his stomach.

"It's not very filling, but I suppose it _is_ healthy," Galaxoid sighed, starting up.

The small craft flew from the restaurant, not noticing a sudden flash as they left the parking lot.

* * *

Calvin was eagerly sitting in a chair set up by Andy and Sherman.

"MTM, this is a _great_ idea! I _knew _that feature would come in handy one day!" he said excitedly.

"What's it called?" Andy asked.

"The Mind Probe," MTM explained, who was sitting on a nearby counter.

"No!" Hobbes gasped. "Not the mind probe!"

"It's the only way."

"What's it do exactly?" Andy asked.

"The Mind Probe is designed to tap into the cerebellum and frontal lobes of the brain," MTM explained. "It will allow us to access to Calvin's brain. We should be able to view his memories."

"We should be able to work it out as we go along," Sherman added, finishing up the straps that held Calvin to his chair.

Hobbes looked unsure as he reached inside MTM and began pulling out lengthy stretches of wires and clamps. He attached one to Calvin's forehead. Then he attached another between his right eye and ear.

Next, Sherman pulled out two more wires from MTM, and he quickly ran them towards a computer. He hooked them into the side of the giant machine, was also next to a giant monitor.

"All set," MTM said. "Okay, Calvin, this may hurt a smidge…"

"What will?"

**_BRZAP!_**

The electrodes attached to Calvin's head let off an electrical discharge, and a few sparks flew through the air.

"ACK!" Calvin cried, rubbing his singed head in pain. "What was that?"

"Entering Calvin's brain," MTM announced, ignoring him.

"Huh? Wha…? What's going…going _on_…?" Calvin asked, suddenly very drowsy, and he slowly drifted out of consciousness.

MTM immediately began the search, going through vast areas of Calvin's mind.

After a lengthy pause, MTM made the announcement.

"I've reached the memory storage," he said. "Inputting data."

Another short of sparks flew off the wires, this time out of MTM himself.

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman watched, straining to keep their interest.

"Got it," MTM said, startling them. "Sherman…?"

Sherman nodded and began to type a few commands into the computer.

The screen switched to a dark green color, and a computer text in a brighter green began to assemble letters across the monitor.

"Here we go…," Sherman said slowly, checking the voltage.

The words began to be put into a list formation.

_A) __Mom_

_B) __Dad_

_C) __Grandparents_

_D) __Hobbes_

_E) __Uncle Max_

_F) __Kindergarten Teacher – Name Unknown_

_G) __Mr Spittle_

_H) __First Grade Teacher – Miss Wormwood_

_I) __Moe_

Names of people that Calvin knew began to be listed down the screen in rapid succession.

They all watched closely and intently.

Hobbes could already see the pattern. It was all in the order of when he met each person.

_J) __Aunt Janice_

_K) __Dr Dean_

_L) __Candace_

_M) __Susie Derkins_

_N) __Rosalyn_

_O) __Galaxoid_

_P) __Nebular_

_Q) __Retro __Griffin_

_R) __Spaceman Spiff_

_S) __Tracer Bullet_

_T) __Stupendous Man_

_U) __John Howard Chill_

_V) __Rupert Chill_

_W) __Earl_

_X) __Alien Crew – Names Not Enclosed_

_Y) __Dr Sam_

_Z) __Socrates_

_AA) __Electro_

_BB) __Dr Franklin J Brainstorm_

_CC) __Jack T Robot_

_DD) __Cousin Dana_

_EE) __Judge Klein_

_FF) __Jack Freewater_

_GG) __Mr Sharp_

_HH) __Maestro Klein_

_II) __Maria_

_JJ) __Klein the Guide_

_KK) __Sheila Brainstorm_

_LL) __Edgar Sinclair_

_MM) __Nivlac_

_NN) __Sebboh_

_OO) __John Howard Chill (the other one)_

_PP) __Rassilon_

_QQ) __MTM_

_RR) __Mother Brainstorm_

_SS) __Jacqueline T Robot_

_TT) __Klein the Shopkeeper_

_UU) __Klein the Ticket Handler_

_VV) __Jark_

_WW) __Klein the Comedian_

_XX) __Dr Thunderstorm_

_YY) __Shadow D Robot_

_ZZ) __Socrates 2_

In the time it took to go through that entire list, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were about as conscious as Calvin. The three of them were in a heap on the floor, snoozing their lives away.

MTM alerted them by extending a manipulator arm and activating the Scream Horn.

**_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!_**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGGH!" they all screamed, levitating about three feet in the air and crashing on the floor again.

"What happened? Where am I?!" Hobbes cried.

"It's done. The list is on the screen," MTM said dully.

Grumbling, Sherman scurried over towards the computer and looked the list over. He was shocked by the length of it.

"Look at all of this!" he gasped. "Fifty-two results came up! I'm surprised he knows this many people."

"MTM," Hobbes said, still gawking at the list. "Erase all the names that couldn't possibly be related to this at all."

"Right. Hang about."

MTM revved slightly and the screen changed.

Now the list was a bit shorter, and it read like this:

_A) __Retro __Griffin_

_B) __Rupert Chill_

_C) __Earl_

_D) __Alien Crew – Names Not Enclosed_

_E) __Electro_

_F) __Dr Franklin J Brainstorm_

_G) __Jack T Robot_

_H) __Sheila Brainstorm_

_I) __Nivlac_

_J) __Sebboh_

_K) __John Howard Chill (The Other One)_

_L) __Rassilon_

_M) __Mother Brainstorm_

_N) __Jacqueline T Robot_

_O) __Jark_

_P) __Dr Thunderstorm_

_Q) __Shadow D Robot_

"Right, got that settled," Sherman sighed. "Only seventeen this time."

"I wasn't aware we had so many enemies," Hobbes commented.

Andy began printing off the results, and took out a sheet of paper with the list of villains printed onto it.

MTM and Sherman got to work reviving Calvin.

"Calvin? _Calvin_?" Sherman asked, waving a tiny paw across his face.

"I'll see to him," MTM said.

**_BRZAP!_**

MTM sent another surge of electricity up the wires, zapping Calvin once again.

"ACK!" Calvin said again, snapping out of it and looking around as sparks flew from the electrodes. "Hot! Ouch! Get 'em off me!"

Hobbes immediately pulled the padded wires off of Calvin's head.

"Are you okay, Calvin?" he asked.

Calvin rubbed his burnt head tenderly.

"I'm fine, just a little warm," he said, looking around. "Where am I?"

"You're in Sherman's lab."

"Who?"

There was a pause.

"Sherman? You know the hamster? Vermin?"

Sherman glared at Hobbes.

"Calvin, are you okay?" Andy asked.

"Who're _you_?" Calvin demanded, looking suspiciously at Andy. "Hobbes, where are we?"

"MTM, what's wrong with him?" Sherman asked.

"ACK!" Calvin cried, leaping into Hobbes' arms. "Talking hamster!"

Sherman rolled his eyes.

MTM scanned Calvin.

Calvin screamed again. "ACK! A LASERBEAM DISGUISED AS A COMMON CD PLAYER!!"

"Common?!" MTM cried indignantly. "Cost $20.00 plus tax, I do, mate!"

"AND IT'S BRITISH! Hobbes, where the heck have you taken me?!"

Hobbes pried Calvin off of his person and sat him back down in the chair before facing MTM.

"Well…?" he asked slowly.

"It appears that Calvin has selective amnesia," MTM explained. "We've never used the Mind Probe before, so it was unexpected. It should dissipate within the next few hours."

"Selective amnesia?" Andy asked.

"It means that Calvin's forgotten about several things because we looted his mind for information," Sherman explained.

"Wow, that's one smart hamster," Calvin said, getting over the shock.

They all rolled their eyes.

Andy handed him the list. "Calvin, do any of these names look familiar to you?"

Calvin looked at the list, his eyes growing wide with amusement and confusion as he read them.

"Man, who _are _all these people? And why are all there names so ridiculous?! Some of these are unbelievable! _Brainstorm_? That's actually a name?!" he laughed.

Hobbes simply nodded and shrugged.

"Well, we'd better get you home until the amnesia wears off," MTM suggested. "We'll hang onto the list."

They all nodded, except for Calvin.

"But I wanna explore this neat-looking lab!" Calvin cried, looking around the giant room eagerly.

Hobbes simply picked up MTM, who extended his manipulator arms to pick Calvin up and carry him away.

"Whoa!" Calvin cried, dangling from the end of the fingers. "This is awesome! I wanna play with the CD player!"

And they were gone.

Sherman groaned. "With most of his memory erased, most of his character development is gone too!"

"Character development?" Andy asked.

"Well, take a look! When you look at this Calvin, you realize how much more mature and calm he's become!"

Andy looked perplexed. "Well, I guess when you compare them…," he said thoughtfully. "Calvin originally could stand neither you nor Socrates, and now he's friends with you and he's moderately more tolerable of Socrates."

Sherman nodded thoughtfully.

"We can only hope that his memories return soon," he said, switching off his computers for the day. "If this situation with Annkor is as serious as we think, we'll need to the Calvin that knows how to act in a situation like this."

Andy nodded in agreement.

* * *

Annkor had managed to retain peace throughout the years because it was very careful when exploring their new worlds. They had encountered and found lots of good things, but they had also found their share of evil. They'd found power-mad conspirators, savage monsters and the hideous beast that is bureaucracy. They'd been careful to avoid incorporating such things into their own culture.

It went without saying that Annkor was often referred to as a Cat Planet. There need to incorporate different cultures into their own won the name "Copy Cat", and the necessity of avoiding the crimes and evils of the many universes also earned it the name the "Fraidy Cat". It seemed to work.

Furthering themselves from evil even more, it was decided a few years ago to introduce new security measures on Annkor.

Rowan was in charge of these measures. He was a tall alien who was wearing a special uniform and a tall pointy hat with a shooting star on it. He was standing there, bored yet diligent. He was always being pulled into discussions about astrophysics and believed that people should fight on their own terms.

Rowan was sipping on a beverage that evening and listening to some alien music. He was silently observing his radar and wearing a headset. He was trying to enjoy his dutiful evening, but frankly, staring at a bunch of blips on a grid-laden screen was enough to drive anyone up the wall. He was beginning to wish he'd taken that job as a mailman, a well-respected job on hundreds of the planets they'd explored (Earth wasn't exactly one of them). At least with that job, there was a surprise waiting around the corner. This was just a blip on a screen.

Contemplating the exceeding dullness of his occupation, Rowan was thankful when he heard the door swish open, and he was relieved when Galaxoid and Nebular entered.

"Hello, Rowan!" Nebular grinned.

"How goes it?" Galaxoid added.

"It?" Rowan asked, glaring at them with his one eye. "_It _refuses to go! _It _refuses to be exciting in the least! I'm a security guard for a planet more tightly secured than an opera singer's corset!"

Galaxoid patted him on the back.

"Hey, don't worry about it," he said. "The job has gotta get interesting once in a while."

Rowan thought. "You know, you're right? A small creature, probably some sort of insectoid vermin, was seen scampering across the floor about three macro-loomres ago."

"It'll be hours pretty soon," Nebular grinned. "Another successful trip to Earth has occurred today, thanks to us!"

"Lucky," Rowan sighed, rolling his eye. Then he turned back to check the screen again. "This is _so_ incredibly dull!" he whined again. "I wish they'd relieve me of my duties! No one can get to us! They cannot get past the transduction barriers!"

* * *

In a darkened cell, a dark figure was holding up a communications device.

"Have found the circuitry for the transduction barriers?" the voice asked, slightly obscured.

"They're right in front of us," a slightly garbled voice replied.

"Destroy them."

"Right."

* * *

As the three friends were talking, there was a sudden shower of sparks from a wall of monitors and switches, starting a small fire.

Galaxoid and Nebular ran as fast as they could and began putting it out.

"What was that?!" Galaxoid demanded, spraying baking soda on the electric fire.

"Oh no…," Rowan mumbled. "Someone…someone's gotten to the transduction barriers!"

**_BRP-BRP! BRP-BRP! BRP-BRP! BRP-BRP! BRP-BRP! BRP-BRP! _**

They looked up and saw a light flashing on the console.

Rowan began typing on the keyboard, and then the screen next to him came on, showing something moving through space.

It was a gigantic spaceship.

Rowan paled. "It can't be!" he gasped, trying to get things working on the consoles.

"What is it? _Who _is it?!" Nebular cried.

Rowan's answer went into the communications headset he was wearing.

"Space Traffic Control!" he cried into the mike. "Code Beta-3! An alien life form approaches within three spans! Call Zero to Annkor immediately! Someone see to the transduction barriers! Raise them to Level Five!"

Galaxoid and Nebular exchanged nervous glances.

There was a pause as Rowan listened to a response on the other end of the line.

"What?! Destroyed?! How did…? Yes, I see. Well, alert King Stor and the Chancellery Guards at once! Red Alert! _We are being invaded_!"

Galaxoid and Nebular stared in shock.

Rowan began frantically typing into his computers.

"What do we do?!" Nebular cried. "We've never been invaded before!"

Galaxoid paused to think.

"No…but then again…I know that _Earth _has been invaded a few times before…," he said.

Nebular promptly caught on.

"Maybe we should incorporate some of Earth's tactics into our own," he agreed.

They both turned towards Rowan, who was now facing them.

"Can we borrow your headset?" Galaxoid asked innocently.

* * *

In the darkened cell, the voice spoke out into the communicator.

"Well…?" the voice asked.

"Success!" the other voice replied. "We, the ambassadors of Planton V, owe you our thanks."

"My pleasure," the voice said slimily. "Now, you haven't forgotten our little agreement?"

"We shall rescue you."

"Good, good. I shall see to it that I shall not die here on an alien world…"

And the figure turned the communicator off.


	10. Invasion P3

_Part three written by Swing123_

The Plantonians of Planton V are tall gelatinous creatures, whose skin is basically just a variety of red colors. They resemble Zokians in that they have the same basic shape and compound yellow eyes. However, they have evolved hands, fingers and legs unlike the Zokians.

The Plantonians have been around for millions of years. Their species started out quite similar to the people on Annkor, a peaceful race. But as time wore on, government took over as each leader of the planet began abusing his or her power more and more. Soon the place was being run with an iron fist. Resources on the planet were dwindling quickly, and after a while, everything started to collapse. Planton V was now a dying planet. About ninety percent of the planet had become uninhabitable, and the Plantonians were starting to die off.

Desperate to save their planet, the Plantonians spread out across the universe in search of new resources. Zok, which was in their planetary system, was the first planet they attacked. This all happened right after Rupert and Earl had been betrayed by Dr Brainstorm, so they weren't in a good mood to begin with when they finally got back to their planet.

A three month war was held between Rupert and the Plantonians. It would have been shorter, but most of the population of Zok are a bunch of morons so a lot of their plans backfired on them. After blowing up seven or eight of their own ships, gassing some of their own hideouts, and imprisoning about ten thousand of their own soldiers, the Zokians won the war. Yes, actually, they ended up winning. It was probably just as much of a shock to Rupert and Earl as it was to the Plantonians. But keep in mind, though, these guys are new to invading planets.

The Plantonians, however, _did _learn something from the war. At one point of the war, the Plantonians hacked into Rupert's computer database at about the same time that Earl's crew was hacking into it, thinking it was the _Plantonians'_ database. They gathered all the information about Earth and Annkor. After comparing the two, they found that Annkor was the only other planet in this universe with the raw materials capable of sustaining their species for millennias to come.

So in the end, the Plantonians pulled out. They left while a group of seventy or eighty Zokians were drilling a tunnel underneath Rupert's castle to break in.

The only problem with Annkor was that it was heavily protected. This didn't stop them, though. They plotted an invasion, and soon they were researching for a way to get through the barriers. The source came from an alien on Annkor who wanted out. As the alien had lived on the planet for awhile now, he knew all that was needed just by listening to the people on Annkor. They formed an alliance to help each other out...

* * *

"Invaded! Invaded! Invaded! Invaded! We're being invaded!" Rowan said half crazed from panic, waiting for King Stor to come onto the monitor.

Suddenly, the screen turned to static and Stor appeared.

"Hello?" He asked, looking through the camera. "What's going on?"

"Your highness!!!" Rowan squeaked attempting to calm down. "Umm.... Someone broke through the transduction barriers!"

"What?" Stor demanded. "How is that possible?"

There was a pause.

"Well, they broke through," Rowan replied.

"_Who _broke through?" Stor asked.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure, yet, your highness, but I've found...."

Suddenly, the double doors behind King Stor burst open, and another alien came in, slightly out of breath.

"Your highness!" He gasped, trying to catch his breath. "The Plantonian commander, Nesbin, has..." The alien paused as he looked around the throne. "Hey, neat setup you got here. I've never actually been in here but...."

Stor's expression darkened.

"....Anyway!" The alien continued. "The Plantonian commander, Nesbin, has just arrived!"

"What does he want?" Stor demanded.

"He wishes to hold a private conference with you," The alien said.

Stor blinked.

"A...alright, send him in." He said finally. He turned back to the monitor. "I have to go," He said, pushing a button on the camera.

The monitor then went to static.

Rowan watched, helplessly.

"Mommy," He whined.

Suddenly, the ground started rumbling.

Galixoid, Nebular and Rowan all looked up.

A giant, black battle ship with blue lights all around it cruised in towards the planet.

Aliens in the streets outside were panicking and scrambling to get to their homes.

Rowan, Galixoid and Nebular all stared, blankly, unable to do anything.

Suddenly, Galixoid and Nebular sprang into action.

Grabbing Rowan's headset, they raced to the computers and began pushing buttons on it.

"What are you doing?" Rowan demanded.

"If we can reroute the circuitry on the main transmiton generator we might be able to contact Earth!" Galixoid said, pulling a lever down.

"How is _Earth _going to help us?" Rowan moaned. "They millions of years behind us in technology!"

Galixoid and Nebular took the headset and put it around both of their heads. They were forced to share it.

"They've been invaded, before!" Nebular said, connecting a wire to the headset. "So we're going to incorporate Earth's lines of defenses in with us for a while!"

"What's that?" Rowan demanded.

"The Supreme Earthling Potentate!" Galixoid announced.

Right.

* * *

"WHOA!!" Calvin yelled, taken aback at his room. "What the heck happened here?! Did I redecorate?!"

Hobbes sighed.

"No, you cleaned it," He said.

"No, I had to have redecorated it!" Calvin yelled, still shocked at the state of his room.

"No," MTM said. "You've just gotten a little more organized,"

"Your kidding? What have I come too?!" Calvin groaned.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Wow! This is so awesome!" Calvin shouted, happily, leaping onto his bed. "It's like I've used the Time Machine to come to the future to see what I'm like when I'm older! Don't you think?"

Hobbes and the MTM paused.

"Ummm.... Sort of," Hobbes said.

"Of course it's not," MTM scoffed. "It's like you've lost your memory and you've reverted back to an immature freak,"

"Hey! I'm not taking that kind of insult from a talking CD player!" Calvin shouted at the MTM, jabbing a finger at him. "I have my dignity!!"

"Yeah, I predict its packing, quickly, though," MTM replied.

Calvin glared, angrily at the MTM.

"Calvin," Hobbes said, trying to keep a war from breaking out between Calvin and his CD player. "How much do you remember?"

"Well, I remember I got up in the morning and saw that there was a fresh snowfall! The snow was over three feet deep! School was called off, of course, and you and I agreed to go down Sneer Hill in the toboggan. I remember we crashed into a tree and flew into the pond, nearby."

There was a pause.

"Yes? Then what happened?" MTM asked, eagerly.

Hobbes glared at him.

"Well, there was this flash of white light, and I'm sitting in that chair in that hamster's lab with wires connected to me." Calvin said.

Suddenly a light came on in Calvin's eyes.

"I'm not dead am I?!" He screamed, frantically, leaping to his feet. "Am I in heaven? Are you both angels?!"

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"No, Calvin. You're not dead. We accidently wiped four years from your memory."

"FOUR YEARS?!?!?" Calvin exclaimed, terrified. "WHO'S THE PRESIDENT, NOW?!? HOW MANY GROSS MEETINGS DID WE MISS?!? DID MAN EVER MAKE IT TO THE MOON?!?"

Hobbes' brow furrowed.

"You know, I don't know how I dealt with you four years ago," He sighed.

"Four years!" Calvin gasped. "That would make me..... ten years old, now!!"

"Uh, no, Calvin," MTM said. "You're only six."

There was a pause while Calvin and Hobbes both mulled that around in their heads.

"....How is possible?" Calvin asked at last.

"Televison contracts," MTM replied. "Besides, this is kind of a scifi-y show. We'll think of an excuse, soon."

"Ah," Calvin and Hobbes both nodded in understanding.

"Don't you remember _anything _past that point?" Hobbes asked, desperately.

"No," Calvin shook his head. "All I remember is falling into the pond,"

"Oh boy...." Hobbes sighed. "How much longer are we going to have wait like this?"

"Well, perhaps we should speed the process up a bit," MTM suggested.

"How?" Calvin asked.

"Why don't you try jumping off the roof? Perhaps the jolt of hitting the ground will bring your memories flooding back."

"COOL!!" Calvin screamed, jumping off the bed. "Let's go move the trampoline!"

"No," Hobbes said, sternly, grabbing Calvin by his shirt collar and holding him back.

"Aww, come on!" Calvin whined. "Lemme try it!!"

"No," Hobbes repeated, putting Calvin back onto the bed.

"Well, we could always spray liquid oxygen on him," MTM tried. "A good cold splash in the face might bring him 'round,"

"Liquid oxygen?! I've never seen that, before!!" Calvin exclaimed, excitedly.

"Forget it," Hobbes growled.

"Alright, here's an idea," MTM said. "We'll attach one crab to both of his nipples and he can unicycle blind folded and naked into a pool of..."

"Where do you come up with this stuff?" Hobbes demanded.

"MTV," MTM replied.

"Can we try that last one?! It sounded the coolest of them all!!" Calvin squealed in delight.

"No," Hobbes growled.

"I can all my clothes off, now,"

"NO!" Hobbes shouted.

"Alright," MTM said. "Let's set the microwave on _defrost _and...."

"Shut up!" Hobbes cried.

By this time, Calvin's attention had wandered, and he spotted a box on his desk. It had _inventions _written on it in black marker.

"What's this?!" He demanded, greedily, grabbing the box from the desk.

"That would be your collection of all of your recently made inventions," MTM yawned.

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head. The last thing he needed was a Calvin from four years ago handling modern Calvin's inventions.

Calvin gawked at all the objects he had in the box before him.

"I made all this?!" He exclaimed, amazed at the sight before him.

"As far as I know," MTM said.

"What does this do?!" Calvin asked, holding the Mega-Shrinker 5000 up.

"That would be a shrink ray," MTM replied.

"Don't tell him!!!" Hobbes groaned.

Calvin grinned as he stared at the shrink ray.

Hobbes noted extreme excitement and just a glimmer of insanity. He aimed it at his toy chest, and pushed the button.

**_ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepp!_**

Blue electrically flew from the microphone and struck the toy chest, engulfing it in blue flames, before it collapsed into a smaller form.

"COOL!!!" Calvin cried.

"Not cool," Hobbes moaned.

Calvin threw the microphone away, and grabbed the Scream Horn from the box.

"WHAT'S THIS?!?!" He screamed, now insane with excitement.

"Maybe we should get back to getting your memory back?" Hobbes asked, hopefully.

Calvin pushed the button on the Scream Horn.

**_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!_**

White shockwaves flew from the megaphone, throwing Hobbes and the MTM backwards and against the wall, along with several other objects from around the room.

Calvin stared his mouth agape as the Scream Horn held the objects against the wall.

"WOW!!" He blurted. "This is awesome!!"

"No.... it's.... not!!" Hobbes growled, fighting to hold his ears.

Calvin flipped the megaphone off, and everything fell the ground with a crash.

**_CRASH!!_**

Calvin grinned, crazily, as he threw the Scream Horn away.

"DON'T GET ANYTHING ELSE...." Hobbes screamed, but Calvin had already grabbed the Time Pauser out and pushed the button.

_POP!!_

There was a small implosion in the air and Calvin vanished.

Hobbes looked around and groaned.

"Oh for crying out... where is he....."

_POP!!_

Suddenly, Calvin appeared right in Hobbes' face.

"BOO!!" He shouted.

"ACK!!" Hobbes screamed, leaping several feet into the air and hitting the ceiling.

This resulted more insane laughter from Calvin as Hobbes rubbed his head in pain.

"This is amazing!" Calvin yelled. "A device that freezes everything! Why didn't think about that, sooner?!"

"Thank God you didn't..." Hobbes moaned.

Calvin glared at him.

"What's _that _supposed to mean?!" He demanded.

Hobbes glared at him.

Suddenly there was a knock at the window.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

Socrates was at the window, waving and grinning.

"Who's that?" Calvin demanded.

"It's Socrates," Hobbes moaned. "I'll let him in,"

Calvin's eyes burst open.

"What? _NO!!_ DON'T DO IT!!!" He screamed.

Hobbes stopped.

"Why?" He demanded.

"We don't know this guy!" Calvin groaned. "He could be a deranged blood-thirsty hell beast!! He might try to tear our bloody, throbbing hearts out the second you open the window!!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin. Then he remembered, with great despair, what Calvin's reaction had been when they first met Socrates.

"Calvin, this is Socrates, we've known him for four years," Hobbes sighed.

"I don't remember him!" Calvin growled.

"Of course you don't remember him! We accidently wiped your memory!!!" Hobbes cried.

"Maybe we shouldn't try to bring his memory back," MTM suddenly cut in. "This is the funniest thing I've seen all day."

"Quiet, you!" Hobbes warned.

Calvin rushed past Hobbes and up to the window.

"ALRIGHT BUCKO! I DUNNO WHO YOU ARE OR WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT WHATEVER YOU'RE FIENDISH PLOT IS, _**IT WON'T SUCCEED!**_" He screamed, maniacally at the tiger.

Socrates stared at him.

Hobbes pushed Calvin out of the way, and opened the window.

"HOBBES, DON'T!!! HE COULD BE AN INSANE LUNATIC!!!" Calvin screamed, desperately.

"I am," Socrates grinned, stepping inside.

"AAAAUGH!! A CONFESSION!!!" Calvin screamed, now in full-fledged panic. "RUN, HOBBES!!! HE'LL KILL US ALL AND BITE US ON THE LIVER!!!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, hold on there, Cally!" Socrates said, holding up his paws. "I won't hurt you! ....Yet."

Calvin glared at Socrates.

"What you mean by that, kitty!" He demanded, angrily.

"It means you're perfectly safe with me. For right now," Socrates said, putting his paws in his pocket.

"You're not a convicted serial killer bent on the destruction of man kind and a bunch of other bloody gore-related stuff?!"

"Nope," Socrates grinned.

"Good enough for me," Calvin said, immediately calming down. "So, what do you want? I'm very busy you know!"

"Uh, Socrates," Hobbes said, but Socrates cut in.

"Oh, Hobbes, I just came on by to tell you that I have that big prank underway!" The red tailed tiger grinned. "It's all set up! The entire town!"

Calvin looked up.

"What big prank?" He demanded, looking Socrates up and down, suspiciously.

Socrates spun back around to Calvin.

"You know! The big prank Hobbes and I have planned!" He grinned. "I just finished rigging the entire town! I'm not done with the prank yet, though. I still have rig the next five towns over."

Hobbes sighed.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"...The.... big prank....?" He asked, quietly, his eyes starting to grow wide.

Suddenly a rush hit Calvin like a thunderbolt. In an instant he relived every single moment over from the point he and Hobbes flew into the pond on that winter day to the present moment. Retro Griffin reaching for him and Hobbes in the wagon with the claw car. Rupert firing his ray gun at him, Hobbes, Stupendous Man, Tracer Bullet and Spaceman Spiff. Him, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman running, terrified away from the Teacher Creature. The TV coming to life and attacking him and Hobbes. Yellowstone erupting. Dr Brainstorm arguing viciously with Jack, who remains bored. Holographic Retro attacking Calvin. Sheila holding up a chainsaw and laughing insanely. Jacqueline waving in a friendly hello. A disturbed ghost gasping desperately and crawling upwards towards him and Socrates. Installing the MTM's voice chip. Dr Thunderstorm releasing an army of Shadow duplicates onto the planet. The big prank Socrates was planning. It all came back to Calvin and hit him like a freight train.

"Socrates is planning something...." he said, his eyes popping open with realization. "Socrates is _planning _something!!! _Socrates _is planning _something_!!! **_SOCRATES IS PLANNING SOMETHING!!!! OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!_**"

"That's better," Socrates said, crossing his arms. "I was wondering why you hadn't freaked out, yet."

"WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING, CAT!!! I DEMAND TO KNOW!!!!" He screamed, insanely.

Socrates rolled his eyes around and twiddled his thumbs, innocently.

Calvin whipped around to Hobbes.

"HOBBES!! He has the whole town rigged! IT COULD BLOW AT ANY MINUTE!!!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"What?" He asked.

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes, aren't you listening to me? Socrates is planning something big, and we need to start taking drastic measures if we're going to survive the tiger-induced-end-of-the-world!!"

"Hey, that's a good name for it!" Socrates grinned.

"But... Calvin," Hobbes began. "You lost your memory...?"

"That was over thirty seconds ago, Hobbes!" Calvin groaned. "Why are you living in the past?!? The power is in the now, my friend!! _AND THE NOW IS THAT WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!_"

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

"So... you remember, everything, now?" Hobbes said, slowly.

Calvin turned an angry glare onto Hobbes.

"No, Hobbes, this is just an amnesia spasm. OF COURSE I REMEMBER EVERYTHING, NOW!!!"

Socrates looked back and forth between Calvin and Hobbes, confused.

"Remember everything...?" He asked. "What are you..."

"DON'T PLAY INNOCENT WITH ME, CAT!!" Calvin screamed, jabbing a finger at Socrates. "I'M ON TO YOUR GAME!!! _NOW WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?!?!_"

"Why, Calvin, use your indoor voice," Socrates said, calmly.

"**_THIS IS MY INDOOR VOICE!!!_**" Calvin screamed.

"CALVIN!!" Mom shouted from downstairs.

"Sorry!" Calvin called.

He then whipped around to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, you don't seem to be grasping the seriousness of all this!! We don't know what he could be planning!! BUT IT'S GOING TO BE BIG!!! Government agents will be picked off like flies!! Italy will end up getting reshaped into a glove! Mount Rushmore is going to come to life and eat us!! Giant Steven Spielberg brand _War of the Worlds_ tripods are going to shoot up from the ground and kill us all!!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin, blankly.

"You've seen _War of the Worlds_, haven't you?" Calvin said, his brow furrowing.

"Parts of it," Hobbes replied.

"WELL, THIS IS GOING TO BE SEVEN TIMES WORSE!!!" Calvin announced, continuing with his panic. "THE ONLY SURVIVORS WILL THE CLOWNS, THE REDNECKS, ALEXANDER LUDWIG AND THOSE WEIRDOS WHO HANG OUT ON STREET CORNERS, SELLING BOOTLEG COPIES OF POPULAR DVDS!!!"

Hobbes and Socrates rolled their eyes.

"AND JUST YOU WAIT FOR THE...."

_SPROING!!!_

Suddenly, Calvin was cut off as Socrates flew into the air spun around three times and landed on his tail his arms and legs outstretched.

"INCOMING MESSAGE!! INCOMING MESSAGE!!" He shouted in a robotic voice.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates in shock. It was easy to forget sometimes that Socrates had a computer chip in his brain.

"Accept message," Hobbes said.

Socrates opened his mouth and Galixoid's voice came through.

"Hello? Hello?" He asked. "This is an SOS signal to Earth. Earth Potentate, do you read me?"

"I read you," Calvin said, crossing his arms. "What up?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Earth Potentate!" Nebular said. "Thank goodness we reached you! We need your help, desperately!!"

"Sure," Calvin yawned. "I'll go get a grocery list from Mom, and give you the names of all the foods we eat."

"No! We don't need information!" Galixoid said, apparently struggling to keep the headset from falling off of him and Nebular. "Something just happened to our planet!!"

"What is it?" Hobbes asked.

"We're being invaded!!" Nebular shrieked.

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes popped open.

"What?!" they both demanded.

"The Plantonians!" Galixoid moaned. "They're a race of aliens that have used up all the resources on their planet, now they're trying to take ours!"

"They can't be invading." Hobbes said. "You have transduction barriers! You told us! Nobody can get on or off your planet without your consult!"

"They've destroyed them!" Nebular yelled. "This is the first time we've been invaded! We don't know what to do!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances of terror.

"We know that you've been invaded, before!" Galixoid said. "We need your help!"

Calvin thought for a moment, trying to make sense of everything.

"Alright!" He said, finally, straightening up. "We're coming."

Hobbes' head jerked to Calvin so quickly he heard his neck crack, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

"Please hurry!" Nebular begged.

And with that, the transmition was cut off.

"...Resume normal functions in three... two.... one.... POW!!!"

Socrates collapsed on the ground, and rubbed his nose.

"Whoa... what happened? Did I pass out, again?" He yawned.

"We can't go to Annkor!" Hobbes moaned. "This is Galixoid and Nebular's problem! Why do we have to get involved?!"

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Hobbes, would you really turn your back on old friends like that?" He demanded.

Hobbes stopped.

"Depends on how alive I would be given either situation," He said, finally.

"Get in the box," Calvin ordered.

Hobbes sighed.

"Well, you're back to normal, again," He said.

Socrates looked back and forth between Calvin and Hobbes.

"What?" He asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Get in the box, cat," Calvin ordered, picking up the MTM. "We're going to Annkor."

"Where?" Socrates asked.

"It's too hard to explain," Hobbes sighed. "Just get into the box,"

Socrates was totally mesmerized with confusion, but all the same followed Calvin and Hobbes into the box.

"First things, first," Calvin said, revving the box up. "We need to go fetch Andy and Sherman. They'll be essential to this,"

"Will I get to test out my apocalypse alarm there?" MTM asked, hopefully.

"We'll see," Calvin said, blankly. "And by the way, how dare you take advantage of my four year reverted self? Jumping off the roof. You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes as they flew out the window.

As they flew off towards Andy and Sherman's house, they were unaware that there was a figure standing on the sidewalk outside of his house.

Holographic Retro watched as the box flew off with a dark glare on his face. Then, he reached up and pushed the H on his forehead.

The hardlight hologram was absorbed into his lightbee, which hovered in the air for a moment, before bolting after the box.

* * *

Meanwhile, on Annkor, things were not going well with the conference with Stor and Nesbin.

Nesbin was a blood red Plantonian, wearing a black uniform with a communications device and a ray gun attached to it.

"Look, please just listen to my deal," Stor begged trying to compromise with the Plantonian.

"I'm not taking any deals," Commander Nesbin growled. "My orders are to collect all the raw materials I can carry and bring them back to the ship. Anything in my way is to be destroyed!"

"Look, we can form some kind of agreement," Stor said, hopefully. "If I can just speak to your leader, then I'm sure we can...."

"I'm taking what we need!" Nesbin said, forcefully. "And I am going to send all the troops down to attack if you don't shut down all of your defenses!"

Stor looked Nesbin up and down. The alien was clearly insane.

"Shut down your defenses!" Nesbin ordered, pulling a ray gun from his holder. "I will use force if I need too!"

Stor stood up.

"Alright, I will," He said.

"Good," Nesbin said, satisfied. "Do it, now,"

Stor stood down from his throne, and made his way towards a control panel nearby. Suddenly, he made a 90 degree turn to the left and ran through a doorway, attempting to escape Nesbin.

The commander whipped his ray gun out and fired at Stor.

_**KZZZZZT!!!**_

Green electricity shot from the gun, and caught a portrait near the doorway on fire, narrowly missing Stor.

Nesbin glared after Stor, then acquired a dark grin.

He held up a communications device and spoke into it.

"This is Commander Nesbin," He said, darkly. "I have new orders. Send all the troops down to attack, and take no prisoners."


	11. Invasion P4

_Part four written by Garfieldodie_

At Andy and Sherman's house, Calvin had quickly explained the situation to Andy and Sherman (and the annoyed Socrates). The idea of stopping an alien invasion occurring on another planet confused them, but they were up to the challenge. Sherman was always up to the idea of being able to use his monstrous intellect, and Andy…well, Andy is pretty much up to anything.

So it wasn't hard to convince Andy and Sherman to get into the box was hovering outside Andy's bedroom window. It would be a long way to Annkor, and MTM wouldn't be able to teleport that far.

The cardboard box ripped through the air and rocketed towards the sky.

"So, are we all set?" Andy asked. "Can we really fight an alien nation?"

"We've done it before," Calvin said confidently. "We kick Rupert and Earl's tails all the time!"

"Yeah, but then again, every member of that crew has the combined IQ of a raisin," Sherman pointed out. "And that's actually considered to be an insult to raisins."

Calvin nodded in concession. "True," he agreed.

"Yeah, odds are, these aliens are going to be intelligent and well-organized," Hobbes said. "If they can take out transduction barriers, I'm pretty sure Annkor is sunk."

"Well, that's where we come in!" Calvin said determinedly. "We fly up there to Annkor, save the planet, badda-boom-badda-bing, and be home in time for dinner!"

There was a pause.

"Then again, knowing Mom, I'll probably just say I'm staying somewhere else for the night," he added knowingly.

The others nodded.

The cardboard box rocketed through the sky, continuing upwards.

"How're we doing, MTM?" he asked.

"The box's shields should hold through the atmosphere," MTM replied. "We have enough fuel to make the entire trip, which should take at least ninety minutes. We have enough food and drink to last for three days, but we are down to the _black_ licorice allsorts. You know; those little black twisty ones that everybody hates?"

Hobbes grimaced.

"We'll have to make do," Calvin said. "Now then, let's auger this baby in."

Kicking in the thrusters, the box rocketed out into space and into the dark atmosphere.

"Don't we need oxygen?" Sherman asked nervously.

"Not in the box," Calvin replied.

"Yeah, we went to Mars once in only the wagon," Hobbes added.

"And dumb ol' Hobbes forgot the camera!"

"Hey, it was either that or the tuna! Your dad's suitcase could only hold so much!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

They were soon traveling faster and faster, and the faster they accelerated, the faster the other planets whipped past them.

Soon, they'd cleared the Milky Way and were shooting through space.

And trailing behind them was a small marble-like object that was actually Retro's light bee.

* * *

King Stor was hurrying through the towns towards Traffic Control. He wanted to see all this for himself. He needed to confront Rowan and see to it that help was being recruited.

As he ran, he noticed that more battle cruisers were descending upon the planet. They were slowly heading towards his Capitol Building.

Gulping, Stor ran towards the big building named Traffic Control. He ran as quickly as he could through the corridors to the top floor and into the control room. He stumbled breathlessly through the doors and gasped for breath in the doorway.

Rowan was up in an instant and helping Stor into a chair.

"Your Highness!" he cried, trying pathetically to bow and help at the same time.

"My planet…," Stor gasped. "How could this have happened…on my own planet?"

Galaxoid and Nebular nodded sympathetically.

"Oh, what will we do?"

"No worries, Your Highness!" Nebular said confidently.

"Yes, we've already sent for help," Galaxoid added.

"Help? From whom?" Stor demanded.

"Earth!"

"Yes, they've contacted the Earth Potentate," Rowan explained. "Evidently the Ruler of Earth, Calvin, also serves as the planet's defender."

"He has saved the Earth from many invasions from the planet Zok against Rupert Chill," Galaxoid went on. "He's been up against power-mad conspirators and idiot scientists, he's told us!"

"We were there when he defeated the mad scientist and his Imaginator!" Nebular added.

"And you're sure he's coming?" Stor asked suspiciously.

"He always pulls through for us," Galaxoid said assuredly. "He'll be here."

There was a pause.

"Soon," he added hastily.

Suddenly, there was a huge explosion from outside that rocked the planet to its very core. The Traffic Control center was nearly caught in the explosion. Upon looking out the window, they saw the black billowing cloud of smoke rolling silently out in all directions, bits of debris flying through the air and tapping lightly on the windows, scratching them slightly. The people of Annkor were running away in fear, screaming for help.

It was a horrifying and heartbreaking scene for them all to take in.

"Well, he'd better be here soon," Stor said grimly. "Our planet will only take so much abuse."

Galaxoid and Nebular nodded nervously while Rowan went back to check the radars.

* * *

After the full ninety minutes of flying the cardboard box through space had passed, Calvin was becoming more aware of his own silence. He didn't know why he'd kept quiet for so long, but he realized he'd been formulating his plan, and also, he'd been concerned about a few other little details that Annkor was probably overlooking. He knew it was up to him to think about these things because the others sure weren't.

Hobbes had spent most of the time cowering and wondering what sort of evil would skin him of his life and / or fur.

Socrates was simply reading a magazine and laughing his insane laugh at it. The possible invasion was the last thing on his mind.

Andy was playing a new handheld videogame. Either he was training himself, keeping himself entertained for the long trip, or he was addicted. Calvin worried about him sometimes.

Sherman and MTM were both involved in the same discussion. They were keeping themselves busy with stories. Actually, Sherman was trying to entertain everyone with stories of the University, but MTM was the only one vaguely interested anymore.

So it was no surprise that Calvin was the only one who noticed that they were rapidly approaching a planet. It looked a bit yellow from a distance, but he noticed the spots of green land and burnt orange mountain ranges. He could also see the fires and explosions that were rocking the planet back and forth.

Calvin slowly brought the box to a halt and hovered before the planet, his eyes squinting as he thought about the situation.

One by one, everyone on the box stopped doing what they were doing long enough to see Annkor sitting in the distance.

Every once in a while, a spot on the planet flashed, signaling another explosion.

Everyone was quiet.

Finally, Calvin broke the silence.

"Here goes nothing," he said.

And he leaned the box forward, flying them towards Annkor.

"MTM, home in on Galaxoid and Nebular," he ordered, picking up the CD player and holding him out towards the planet.

MTM did so.

"Processing… Processing…," MTM said. "Got 'em. Inputting data."

The box revved slightly, and Calvin started flying them towards a spot on the planet.

* * *

Commander Nesbin was standing on the edge of the staircase outside the Capitol Building. He held his communicator to his mouth as he glared evilly at his troops.

"People of Planton V, I give you my orders!" he said calmly into the communicator.

The troops waited patiently.

Impressive pauses had become a trademark of Nesbin, and they'd learned to live with it.

Finally, Nesbin spoke again.

"Search the planet for the Jethrick!" he ordered. "When you find some, take it all! Leave none behind! We can't risk not taking enough! Do not let anyone stop you! Now get out there and attack!"

The battle cruisers were naturally too big to dig up raw materials like the Jethrick, so they immediately dispersed hundreds of smaller crafts that had drills on the front end and scoops on the other. Another bunch of crafts had special cargo holds like dump trucks, designed to transport everything back to the cruisers. Each digger paired off with a dumper, and they hurried off in search of the rare material known as Jethrick.

Nesbin watched dutifully as they flew away.

Another Plantonian named Ned scurried up beside him.

"Commander, what shall we do about the people of Annkor?" he asked.

"Let them be for now," Nesbin said. "The first ones to show disobedience shall be killed on sight. Now then, let's see to the next part of the plan."

"What's that?"

"We made a deal, I believe. A deal that has given us exactly what we need."

And Nesbin went back into the building.

"I need access to the prison database on this planet," he announced.

"Er, they don't exactly have a prison," the Plantonian said. "They're pretty evil-free."

"That's what _you_ think."

And they went inside.

* * *

Rowan was looking at the radar screens, somewhat relieved. The battle cruisers had stopped coming. They weren't being invaded, technically anymore. The invading part was done. They were now _invaded_.

Of course, one could argue that it was still an invasion. These people had invaded their privacy.

It was one of those things, I suppose.

King Stor was watching the chaos as the little mining crafts began their raid on the planet.

Galaxoid and Nebular were playing cards at this point and listening to music.

Suddenly, they heard Rowan speak urgently.

"I'm picking a small craft on short-range scans!" he announced. "It might be more of them."

Everyone gathered around him.

There was a new blip coming towards the big blob that was supposed to represent their planet. But they noticed that it wasn't as dangerous-looking as the other blips and blobs that were also flying about on the screen.

"I don't think it's the Plantonians," Galaxoid said. "I think…"

Galaxoid noticed that the blip was coming in faster, and it was heading for the Traffic Control square that was a nice shade of blue. He looked ahead out the window as the others continued to watch the screen.

"…I think it's the Earth Potentate!" he said, excitement growing.

They all saw the small craft coming closer and closer.

Rowan squinted his eyes.

"Is…is that a cardboard box?" he asked slowly.

"It's an Earth classic!" Nebular said cheerfully.

They all cleared from the way as the box showed no signs of stopping.

Outside, Calvin was struggling with the box's brakes, but little was happening.

"This is gonna be a little difficult to negotiate," he muttered.

**_SMASH!_**

The sound of glass shattering was heard as they were all blasted over backwards by the sudden arrival. The cardboard box sailed over their heads, crashing into and knocking things over, with all the passengers screaming. They smashed and bashed into the far wall, causing them all to tumbled all over the place in a heap.

Galaxoid and Nebular were grinning madly while King Stor stared in shock, and Rowan cowered under his desk.

Slowly but surely, Calvin staggered to his feet, making sure everyone was alright.

"Anyone dead?" he asked.

"No," Hobbes replied.

"Not really," Socrates added.

"On the verge, I'd say," Sherman added.

Calvin sighed and picked up MTM. "How about you? You okay?"

"Pretty much," MTM replied.

Calvin pocketed him away and finally acknowledged the aliens staring at him.

"Hey, Galaxoid, Nebular," he said, waving and dusting himself off.

"Earth Potentate!" Galaxoid exclaimed gleefully as he and Nebular hurried towards him. "You have come to rescue us!"

"Natch," Calvin said, grinning as he shook hands with them.

The others rolled their eyes.

Stor was less than impressed.

"You are the Supreme Earth Potentate?" he asked skeptically, looking Calvin over.

Calvin glared at him. "And you are?" he demanded.

"King Stor. I rule this planet," he replied.

"And now you don't," Calvin snorted. "And unless you accept my help, you never will again!"

It was a good point. In fact, it was such a good point that his friends were stunned that he'd come up with it!

King Stor hesitated, but he eventually nodded.

"True," he admitted. "You are the defender of Earth?"

"Double Natch."

"Then I trust you will help save my planet?"

"Triple Natch."

Everyone sighed, but Calvin grinned.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about a thing, Your Highness," he said assuringly. "Leave everything to us."

And with that, he ran towards a computer and began looking things over.

"Hmmm…," he said, studying it. "Sherman, come over here and help me."

Sherman scurried past the aliens that were looking at him in confusion. He climbed up onto the console and sat next to Calvin.

"What do you need?"

"I need you to get all the data about the planet you can out of this computer."

Sherman nodded and began to look through all the data he could.

"You know, _we _could tell you all you need to know about our planet," Rowan said.

"I'm sure," Calvin said, not really noticing him.

Rowan glared at him.

Hobbes approached Calvin.

"I don't suppose you have a plan," he said unsurely.

"Hobbes, relax. I've never let any of you down yet, have I?" Calvin asked.

"Well…no…but then again, it's usually your fault most things happen anyway."

Calvin glared at him.

"Sherman, how's it coming?" he asked.

"Almost done," Sherman replied, still going through the files.

"He's a quick little fella, ain't he?" Nebular commented.

There was a pause as Sherman finished, and he finally motioned for Calvin to come and take a look.

Calvin skimmed across the words on the screen carefully.

"Someone took out your transduction barriers," he commented.

"Yes, that's been established!" Socrates said, thoroughly annoyed.

"But that right there is important in itself!"

"How?" Stor demanded.

"No one can penetrate the transduction barriers, and yet somehow, the invaders were able to turn them off. How can that be done?"

Rowan paused before speaking. "Well, the only way to do that would be to be on the planet," he said. "They couldn't have entered with the barriers up."

Calvin paused. "Can _anything _penetrate the transduction barriers?"

"Nothing physical, but a few things can," Rowan explained. "Communication signals, radio waves, that sort of thing."

Calvin continued to think. "So communications can be made from Annkor to other planets?" he suggested.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Andy asked.

"When we received an earlier message from Galaxoid and Nebular, after they hung up, there was an extra transmission that we accidentally picked up," Calvin said, careful not to let too much info slip. "There was another voice transmitting to someone."

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman all remembered the list of people.

"MTM, how much of the extra transmission do you remember?" he asked.

"Someone was talking about how they didn't want to die," MTM said. "Then something about how something was coming, which probably had to do with the invasion."

"So someone on Annkor knew about the invasion before it happened?" Hobbes asked.

"Probably someone who was helping the Plantonians," Sherman added.

"A traitor?!" Stor gasped. "One of our own?!"

"I wouldn't go that far," Calvin said calmly. "I think you had someone working undercover. Someone that _I _know."

"You?" Socrates asked.

"Yes, because I recognized the voice from somewhere."

Hobbes immediately pulled out the list they had made earlier.

"Before you amnesia, we'd made a list with MTM's Mind Probe," he said. "Take a look."

Calvin took the list and read it over.

"Man, we have a lot of enemies," he commented.

There was a pause as his eyes narrowed.

"Just as I suspected…," he said at last.

And he folded the list up.

"I need to find him," he announced, looking everyone over.

"Who?" Hobbes asked.

"The leader of this invasion! Who is he? Who's in charge?!"

"Erm, Commander Nesbin," Stor explained. "Why do you need to see him?"

"Because when we find him, we'll find the one who let him in."

Rowan then noticed something new on the radar screen.

"Your Highness, something else is approaching the planet," he announced.

Calvin, Hobbes, Sherman and Stor all crowded in around Rowan, who was looking at the screen.

Indeed, a small blip, small than all the others, was slowly moving across the screen.

"It's too small to be a vessel," Sherman said. "And it wouldn't be effective as a weapon."

"Then it poses no threat?" Stor asked hopefully.

"Never underestimate these things," Calvin warned. "I think that this will make things far more interesting."

And with that, Calvin pulled MTM back out.

"MTM," he ordered. "Put a trace on this Commander Nesbin."

"Processing… Processing…," MTM said slowly. "I've got him. Follow the bleep."

A small soft bleeping started to emit from MTM. As Calvin moved forward towards the doors, he noticed the bleep was getting faster slightly. He immediately ran from the room. Hobbes immediately started following. Andy grabbed Sherman and followed as well, with Socrates taking up the tail.

Galaxoid and Nebular exchanged glances, shrugged, and then decided to go as well.

King Stor and Rowan opted to stay behind and keep an eye on things.

* * *

The small blip had in fact been, as you might have guessed, Retro's light bee. The small device flew amongst the chaos of Annkor, lowering itself towards the fallen rubble of a nearby former building.

The device floated along until it found a space big enough to accommodate what was to come next. Timing carefully, the light bee opened up, and a stream of light began to spill out, and in a multi-colored flash, the badly-postured, Three Stooges haircut that was Retro Griffin was recreated. The hologram was now standing in his white lab coat, yellow goggles, brown loafers and gray slacks.

Retro examined the disaster of a planet.

"Fascinating," he commented. "There's nothing like the fall of a government to get one going in the morning!"

Pushing past rubble and fallen debris, he searched the area.

"Let's see…," he pondered. "Where the heck…could they be…?" He craned his neck and looked around, climbing up higher above the rubble.

There was no sign of his enemies anywhere, just frightened natives trying to reach safety.

"Pitiful drones," he muttered. "I'm surprised I never thought of this sooner."

And he climbed down from the pile of rubble, looking around some more. He noticed some huge buildings in the distance.

"I'd better get my answers," he muttered.

And he promptly began making tracks.

* * *

Commander Nesbin and his assistant, Ned, were going through the computers in the Capitol Building.

"Where…where does that fool…keep his documents?!" he demanded. "This man could go out on his end of the bargain at any point."

"Man, look at all these planets!" Ned cried. "These people can't do anything for themselves!"

"They're pathetic creatures," Nesbin snorted. "They have no concept of the most common principles in life! They—"

Nesbin was cut off when by his own delight when he finally found what he was looking for.

"Got it! He's approximately fifteen grotzits away from here!" he cheered. "Let's get a move on!"

Nesbin immediately fled the building with Ned following on behind him as fast as he could. They ran out into the open, turned right and scurried down the roads towards the destination they wanted to find.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Galaxoid and Nebular were running as fast as they could. Calvin's arm was outstretched as MTM sat in it, the beeping growing both louder and faster.

They looked around as they ran, noting the destruction that was happening all over the place. Annkor was collapsing around them rapidly.

They watched as diggers and dumpers when back and forth through the air, carrying a blue substance.

"What are they doing?" Socrates asked.

"They're draining us of our Jethrick," Galaxoid explained. "It's the rare substance that lots of planets need to survive. Some use it for power, but we need it for our environment."

Suddenly, Calvin stopped running.

Hobbes stopped right behind him, but everyone else plowed into him.

They all could tell what had happened. MTM's beeping had suddenly slowed, meaning they were straying off the right track.

Everyone was silent as Calvin began edging his hand around, waiting for the signal to grow stronger.

At first, nothing seemed to happen.

After a tense moment, however, MTM's beeping grew stronger and faster.

Calvin immediately turned towards the right and began to resume following it.

Sighing, Hobbes followed with the others right behind him.

They were beginning to wonder why they hadn't just taken the box.

* * *

Retro ran and jumped across the landscape, dodging some explosions and climbing over the rubble, seeking out Calvin.

Finally, he saw him. He was leading his friends along the streets. They were heading for the outskirts of town.

"Finally…," he muttered. "I can finally figure this out."

And he leapt down from the pile of bricks, trying to follow them without being noticed.

* * *

Nesbin and Ned were running towards a cave. They stopped at the entrance.

"Aren't we going in?" Ned asked.

"Just a moment."

Nesbin pulled out his communicator and spoke into it.

"Attention, Battle Cruiser 6," he said.

Once again, Ned had to endure an impressive pause. It lasted a good seven seconds.

"Send down two of your snipers," he said. "I need someone to guard a cave. Coordinates enclosed."

"Roger, Commander," a reply said.

And they waited.

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes and the gang continued running past the Capitol Building.

MTM's beeping sped up even more.

Calvin stopped briefly to check it. Everyone else managed to avoid crashing into each other.

After a moment of looking around and testing the signal in other directions, Calvin began running forwards again. They began following him again.

* * *

Retro came out of hiding from behind a bush. He saw them running further down the road, and he ran stealthily behind the side of the front stairway of the Capitol Building. He paused, waiting for them to disappear around a corner leading towards the exit of the town.

Squinting his eyes, he checked to make sure no one else saw him moving, and then he began following them again.


	12. Invasion P5

_Part five written by Swing123_

"You are to guard the mouth of the cave," Nesbin ordered the two snipers. "Stay above the cave hidden in the bushes and trees. If anyone tries to follow us inside, kill them!"

"Yes sir!" The first sniper said, doing a salute.

"Yes... sir..." The other one said a little slower.

"Good," Nesbin said. "We won't be long,"

And with that, Nesbin and Ned entered the cave.

For a while, they walked in silence. The sounds of water dripping echoed through the darkness. Suddenly, Ned spoke.

"Now, what is this place?" He asked, looking around, warily.

"It's Annkor's only prison," Nesbin replied, simply. "We're making a pick up."

As they continued walking, Ned noticed that the rock walls had changed to steel. And as they approached the end of the cave, they came to a chamber that contained a single cage in it.

Nesbin walked up to the cage and examined the door.

"Shall I blast it open?" Ned asked, putting his hand on his ray gun.

Nesbin took his sweet time in answering, but finally he did.

"No," Nesbin replied. "It's deadlocked sealed. Hand me the laser manipulator,"

Ned complied, and threw Nesbin a small circular device.

Suddenly, Nesbin's eyes fell on a small intercom that was connected to the cage.

"Hello, what's this?" He asked, pushing a button on it.

There was a small buzzing noise, and suddenly, the intercom sprang to life.

There was a moment of silence at Nesbin and Ned stared at it.

Then, a raspy voice emitted from the speaker.

"It's about time,"

* * *

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, MTM, Galixoid and Nebular were running through the dense wildlife. The MTM's beeping getting faster and faster all the time.

Sherman, Galixoid and Nebualar were engaged in conversation about Annkor's culture, which apparently was interesting Sherman.

"Yes, and just yesterday, we ate a restaurant called the Sdrawkcab." Nebular said.

Hobbes, Socrates and Andy rolled their eyes.

"What does that mean?" Sherman asked.

"Well, it means everything goes backwards," Galixoid exlpained. "We ate there, and we kind of ate in reverse the whole time."

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged disgusted glances.

Suddenly, it was then that Hobbes realized something of vague importance. You notice these things when your bored out of your skull. Calvin had been quiet this whole time.

This was odd. Calvin had never been this silent, before. Hobbes watched him, nervously as he continued holding the MTM out in front of him, following the beeping.

Suddenly, MTM shouted out, "STOP!"

Calvin came to a stop, and Hobbes ran into him.

"OOF!" Calvin and Hobbes grunted, falling forward.

Socrates, Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

Calvin glared a Hobbes and stood up.

"What is it, MTM?" He asked.

"We're nearing a cave," MTM replied. "Some kind of prison chamber. Nesbin is in there. But.... Oh.... Uh oh...."

"What?" Andy asked.

"There are two guards waiting outside the cave. They're armed."

"Oh, well that's great!" Hobbes moaned. "How are we going to get across?"

Calvin didn't answer. He was silent for a moment.

"I'll handle it," He said, handing the MTM to Hobbes.

"What?" Hobbes asked, but Calvin rushed off without giving an answer.

They watched him go.

"Huh," MTM noted. "He's unarmed."

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, Galixoid and Nebular's eyes all burst open.

"What?!" They all shouted as Calvin rounded a corner, and vanished.

* * *

Meanwhile, the snipers were growing bored.

"This is tedious," The first one grumbled. "When do we get to kill something?"

"With any luck, never," The second one said. "I hate having to..."

Suddenly, the first sniper's head shot up.

"What's that?!" He demanded, looking down at the mouth of the cave.

The second sniper looked around.

Calvin was approached the mouth of the cave, looking straight ahead, expressionlessly.

A devious grin spread across the sniper's face.

"This is more like it!" He growled. He slowly held his gun up and aimed it at Calvin. "Just let him get a little closer...."

"You can't shoot him!" The second sniper gasped, pushing the gun away.

"Why not?" The first one growled, whipping around.

"He's just a child! He doesn't know..."

"Orders are orders," the first sniper declared.

And with that, he turned back around and aimed the gun....

Calvin had vanished.

The two snipers stared in confusion.

"Where'd he go?" The second one asked.

The first sniper looked around, angrily.

"Come on out!" He called. "Come and say 'hello'!"

"Hello," Calvin said.

The two snipers jumped in surprise.

Calvin had climbed up to where they were.

"ACK!" The second yelled. "Go back! He'll use the gun!!"

"Yes," Calvin said, solemnly, looking the first sniper up and down, as he aimed the gun at him. "I imagine he will... You like guns, don't you?"

"This is a specialized weapon," The first one growled, cocking the gun. It's designed for rough duty and long range! I've never used one up close, before."

"Let him go," The second sniper moaned.

The first ignored him.

"Oh, OK," Calvin said, darkly. "Let me come a little closer,"

Calvin took a step towards the sniper.

"Stay where you are!" The first sniper roared, holding the gun closer.

"Why?" Calvin hissed. "Are you scared? Why should you be scared? You're the one holding the gun."

"That's right!" The first sniper growled.

"He'll kill you!" The second sniper groaned.

"Of course he will," Calvin hissed, starting to talk louder. "That's what guns are for! Pull the trigger! End the life! Simple, isn't it?"

"Yes," The first one said, starting to get uneasy.

"Makes sense, doesn't it?" Calvin whispered. "A life. Ending a life!"

"Who are you?" The first sniper asked.

"Shut up!" Calvin spat. "Why don't you do it, then? Pull the trigger. _End _my life!"

There was tense pause.

"...No!" The first sniper whimpered, suddenly, backing away.

"Why not?" Calvin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I can't!" The first sniper said, panic stricken, looking Calvin up and down.

"_Why not?_" Calvin questioned.

"I don't know...." The first sniper said, looking at the gun.

Calvin smirked, evilly.

"No, you don't do you?" He asked, quietly.

He reached up, and took the gun from the sniper.

"Throw away your gun," Calvin ordered, not taking his eyes off the first sniper.

The second sniper complied, terror-stricken.

"Now leave," Calvin growled.

The two snipers exchanged glances.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes, Socrates, MTM, Andy, Sherman, Galixoid and Nebular were hiding behind a bush nearby.

They had not heard all that Calvin had said, but suddenly they heard his voice calling out.

"Alright, the coast is cleared!" He called.

The group all looked up.

Calvin was standing at the mouth of the cave and the snipers were gone.

"What.... what did you do?" Hobbes gasped.

"I beat 'em up, what did you expect?" Calvin questioned. "Now come on, we're burning daylight."

And with that, Calvin turned and walked into the cave.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman, MTM, Galixoid and Nebular watched him in shock, then quickly followed.

Moments after the group vanished in the cave, Holographic Retro appeared from behind a bush.

He stared off into the cave, then moved forward.

Suddenly, the two snipers rushed up to him in pure panic.

"Hey!" Retro shouted, causing the snipers to come to a stop. "What are you doing?"

"Getting away from here!" The second sniper gasped. "What are you..."

"I'm following the kid," Retro growled, staring past the snipers and into the cave.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you!" The first sniper panted.

"Why?" Retro asked, staring the first sniper.

"He's crazy! He's some kind of demented monster!" The second one tried to describe Calvin.

"Yeah, I already knew that," Retro said, rolling his eyes. "What else?"

"He's a dark manipulator!" The first one said, his eyes growing wide.

Retro stared at him.

"What?" He asked.

"It is! That what he is!" The second gasped at how accurate his companion was. "He's a dark manipulator!"

And with that, the two snipers rushed past Retro, still panicking.

Retro watched them go.

He then turned and stared at the mouth of the cave.

He shrugged it off, and went into the cave, after Calvin.

* * *

Calvin and the gang continued running off further into the cave. The MTM's beeping was getting faster and faster all the time.

It wasn't long before the rock walls turned to metal, signaling that they were getting closer to their destination.

_BEEP........ BEEP....... BEEP...... BEEP..... BEEP.... BEEP... BEEP.. BEEP.. _BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP....

Suddenly the MTM progressed to one long beep.

Calvin stopped.

Hobbes and the others ran into him, nearly giving Hobbes a heart attack.

Calvin whipped around.

"Quiet!" He hissed.

"I didn't say anything," Hobbes whimpered.

"Yes, you just did," Calvin spat. "Now shut up!"

Calvin whipped back around to the MTM.

"Where are we, MTM?" He whispered.

"We're in Annkor's only prison chamber," MTM said, not even pretending to whisper. "This is where Nesbin is,"

Nesbin and Ned were busily working at the lock on the cage with the laser manipulator. It was a slow and tedious process.

"Don't you have it, yet?" Ned whined, impatiently.

"It's a deadlock seal," Nesbin growled. "These things take time to open!"

"Stop right there, you alien!" Calvin shouted, leaping out from behind a rock, followed shortly by the rest.

Nesbin and Ned jumped.

"Where did they come from?!" Ned cried in terror. "How'd they get past the snipers?!?!"

Nesbin looked Calvin up and down.

"Relax," He said, finally. "They're just humanoid garbage,"

"I beg your pardon?" Hobbes demanded, crossing his arms, as he, Socrates and Sherman glared at him.

Calvin and Andy rolled their eyes.

"Why are you here?" Andy demanded, glaring at the aliens.

"We're following up on a promise," Nesbin said.

There was a moment of silence.

"...Yes?" Andy asked, motioning for Nesbin to continue.

Ned sighed.

Nesbin glared at Andy.

"Who are you? Where did you come from?" He demanded.

"We are the defense system of planet Earth!" Calvin said, proudly.

Nesbin and Ned stared at Calvin.

"Earth has a defense system?" Nesbin asked.

"Yeah," Calvin said, nodding. "And so far we've protected the planet against over seven attacks from the planet Zok!"

"So?" Nesbin asked.

Calvin paused.

"You have a point there," He admitted.

"What do you mean 'following up on a promise'?" Sherman demanded. "Who's in that cage?"

"Oh, he's the one who helped us get through here," Nesbin grinned, darkly. "He broke down the transduction barriers and allowed us into the planet's atmosphere. He's the dark genius behind all this,"

"I already know who it is," Calvin said, crossing his arms.

_CRANK!!_

Suddenly, there was a loud sound from the cage behind Nesbin and Ned, signalling that it had become unlocked.

"He's the jerk who really actually thought he could beat us,"

"You're really narrowing it down, Calvin," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

Holographic Retro stumbled into the chamber, panting.

_SSSSSS!!!_

The doorway to the cage opened up, and a tall dark figure stepped out.

"Retro Griffin!" Calvin announced.

"Yes?" Holographic Retro panted, looking up.

He then became aware that Calvin wasn't addressing him.

The original human Retro emerged from the cage, glaring at Calvin, evilly.

"You!" He growled, dangerously, his eyes fixed on Calvin.

Human Retro did not look that good at all. He was covered in dirt and ash, his lab coat was torn, and he looked a lot skinner. His Three Stooges hair cut remained undisturbed, however.

"You?!" Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all gasped.

"Thank you," Retro said, turning to Nesbin and Ned.

Nesbin nodded.

"You will leave the planet, now, am I correct?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"As soon as I find a space jet, I'm heading back to Earth," Retro assured them.

"Good," Nesbin said. "Our work here is done,"

He turned back to Calvin an the gang.

"It was nice meeting you," He said, pushing a button on his uniform.

_ZZZZZZZIIP!!_

Blue light engulfed Nesbin and Ned and they both vanished.

There was a pause as Retro stared at the area where the two Plantonians had just been.

"Four years!" He hissed, his head turning to Calvin. "I've been imprisoned for four years, because of you!" He pointed a trembling finger at Calvin.

Calvin stared at him.

"Actually, I didn't have anything to with it," Calvin said. "Galixoid and Neb...."

"Oh, you didn't?!" Retro growled. "You gave me to those aliens, and I was taken away from my home planet!"

"What, they took you and just imprisoned you right away?" Hobbes asked, his brow furrowing. "That doesn't sound like the Annkorians."

"They didn't imprison me right away," Retro moaned. "They brought me here as a scientist to study their elements! That lasted a good two weeks! I finally snapped under the stress of being on an alien planet, and attacked my assistant! They didn't know what to do with me, so they just threw me away and forgot about me!"

Galixoid and Nebular exchanged worried glances.

"But I still remembered you, boy," Retro hissed, his eyes sparkling with insanity. "I still remembered you. And I still wanted revenge! So I built a holographic version of myself with the raw materials I could scavenge to carry on with my plans with the imaginator until I could escape!"

Holographic Retro rolled his eyes around.

"Then I learned that the Plantonians were planning on invading the planet, and I...."

"Oh, I've already worked that out," Calvin nodded. "You snuck a special remote probe to them that they could use to take out the transduction barriers. But so far, all the damage the invaders are doing is becoming too much for the planet to handle."

Retro stared at Calvin in shock.

"You worked that out?" He demanded.

Calvin crossed his arms.

"Retro, do you have any idea what's been happening on Earth for the past four years?" He asked, calmly. "I've matured a lot more, since we first met each other,"

"Yeah, I know," Retro grumbled. "What are you, ten, now?"

"No, I'm still six,"

Retro's eyes blanked out in confusion.

"The point is that I've developed my personality quite a bit in those four years and so has your holographic double," Calvin said, smiling, slightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Retro demanded.

"I abandoned work on the imaginator three years ago," Holographic Retro said, stepping forward.

Retro's head shot up at Holographic Retro as if he had just now noticed him.

He stared at his holographic double for a long moment.

"What does that mean?" He asked in a dangerous calm.

"I've been studying the plan and a lot of flaws have started popping up," Holographic Retro explained. "But I've been developing new plans of late that have...."

"Have any of these new plans killed Calvin, yet?" Retro demanded.

Holographic Retro paused.

"Um... well, no..." He admitted. "But listen, I have a really big plan sure to succeed! You see, I've tapped into an separate reality and I've been linking it to this one to...."

"Enough!" Retro barked, holding a hand up. "Failure! My hologram is a failure!"

Holographic Retro started backing away.

"I'm turning you off, and starting over," Retro declared. "Give me your lightbee,"

The maniacal Retro held his hand out to the hologram before him.

Holographic Retro stared at his creator's palm, still backing away.

"Give me your lightbee!" Retro ordered a little more forcefully.

Holographic Retro paused, then turned and ran off in the other direction.

"Hey!" Retro screamed after the hologram. "Get back here! I am your creator!!"

He whipped back around to Calvin.

"And as for you....!" He cried, murderously, reaching out for him.

Calvin had been formulating a plan to stop the invaders during Retro and Holographic Retro, but his thoughts were interrupted by Retro reaching for him.

"ACK!!" Calvin screamed, holding the MTM up in defense.

"Defense mode activated," MTM said, flatly.

_BLAM!!_

An explosion of electricity shot from the MTM, throwing Retro off his feet.

"RUN!" Hobbes screamed in panic.

_ZOOM!!!_

There was a blur of orange and Hobbes and Socrates vanished. Andy and Sherman followed after them, leaving Calvin, Galixoid and Nebular alone with Retro.

Retro laid on his back on the floor, rubbing his head in pain.

Calvin began circling Retro with the MTM in his hands.

"Alright, Larry," He growled. "As you can see, I'm well armed! So don't try anything or I'll...!"

Suddenly, Retro kicked his feet into the air, knocking the CD player out of his hands.

"OW!" MTM grunted. "Don't do that!"

Retro then leaped to his feet and grabbed the MTM out of the air.

"You were saying?" He demanded.

Calvin stared at Retro.

"RUUUUN!!!" Calvin screamed.

_ZOOOM!!!_

Calvin and the two aliens vanished.

Retro grinned with satisfaction.

"Now..." He said, examining the CD player in his hands. "This must be something Calvin made,"

"Unfortunately, yes," MTM said. "That _is _on the top of my resume'."

Retro was taken aback at the speech.

"You can talk?!" He demanded.

"Last time I checked," MTM replied.

"Well, good," Retro said, brushing off the shock. "I'm going to use you to destroy the universe!"

"I'll bet you are...." MTM chuckled, wisely.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin, Galixoid and Nebular had just emerged from the cave, and were running through the forest, into town.

"What are we going to do?" Nebular panted. "Retro's escaped! We're being invaded! You've lost your MTM...."

"Don't worry!" Calvin said, looking back at the alien. "I have a plan."

He came to a stop, and looked around.

Galixoid and Nebular stopped and stared at him, wide-eyed.

"What's your plan?" Galixoid asked.

"I couldn't help but notice that you were talking to Sherman about a backwards restaurant..." Calvin said, his eyebrows jumping.

"....Yeah..." Nebular said, unaware of where this was going.

"Tell me more about it," Calvin said, a grin forming on his face. "Such as, where it is and how fast I can get to it."


	13. Invasion P6

_Part six written by Garfieldodie_

Nesbin and Ned had been beamed back to the main mother ship in a pair of transmat platforms. They stepped down and looked around as the crews were finishing up with certain menial tasks.

Nesbin stormed through the running crewmen towards the front of the ship and to the giant Plexiglas view screen. He glared out through the window, and he clearly admired the attack being implemented on Annkor, which was drawing to a close.

"Status report?" he asked.

No one seemed to notice their commander. When you're invading a planet, you tend to forget you're doing it with other people.

"HEY! LISTEN UP!" Nesbin shouted angrily.

Ned shouted to his crew.

"Hey, listen up! It's the old man! He's announcing layoffs!" he yelled.

Everyone halted and stared at him, including Nesbin.

"Okay, not really," Ned said. "I was just getting your attention. Take it away, chief!"

Nesbin stared at him for a moment later before looking embarrassed.

"Yes, erm…don't call me Chief."

And he addressed his crew.

"Who can give me a status report?" he demanded.

A few members of the crew scurried forward holding stacks of paper.

"Here, sir!" they said eagerly.

Nesbin took the first paper and began reading it over. A grin slid across his deep red face.

"I see the invasion has been a success!" he said proudly.

"Yes, sir! We've managed to collect over thirty tons of Jethrick, and there may be more to come!"

"Very good!"

Another crewmember spoke up.

"Erm, sir, I think it would be recommended if we pulled back now," he said nervously.

Nesbin glared at him. "And why would we do that? We've seen nothing but success so far!"

"Our resources show that the center of the planet is beginning to disintegrate outwards," he explained. "If we keep draining the planet like this, we'll end up destroying it!"

"Point being?" Nesbin sneered. "We can get away whenever we need to!"

"But the people of Annkor would die!"

Nesbin raised an eyebrow menacingly, and then he leaned in closely to the smaller Plantonian soldier.

"It was his idea!" he whimpered, pointing at another officer.

Nesbin sneered and walked away.

Ned watched, and then he resumed his own work.

* * *

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were pelting their way back through the town as fast as they could. They were dodging the laser blasts, the explosions and the screaming natives.

Hobbes was in front, struggling to lead the others to a place of safety. Calvin wasn't here, so for the time being, he had to give up his cowardice. Calvin had once referred to him as the Earth Potentate's Second-in-Command. It was time to live up to his false title. Hobbes could only force out his bravery and lead.

Andy was running behind him with Sherman safely huddled in his pocket. He was quite terrified. He tended to get a little scared in these experiences. When he thought about it, his life had become incredibly complicated. Sure, it had been strange before. He had a talking pet hamster for pity's sake! And yet he'd been content with this life. Now he was on an alien planet dodging energy blasts. It both amazed and terrified him. There was a world beyond his videogames.

Sherman was tucked away in his pocket, poking his head out as he bucked up and down with Andy's right leg. He was digging his small claws into the blue jeans. This was the price he paid for being so intellectually curious. He was a scientist, after all. Sure, his experiments on Earth were a bit frivolous, but he enjoyed them. Now, however, he was admiring the bigger picture and the intelligent life that was before him.

Socrates, for once in his life, was not complaining about not pranking someone. For once, pranking was not on his current docket. He was concerned about getting around the alien planet and surviving. Helping this alien planet would become a priority as soon as his life wasn't in danger. And seeing as how he was at the rear, odds were that he was going to be in danger longer than the others.

Hobbes and Andy were able cover some decent ground, but Socrates was suddenly spotted by a Plantonian, who began firing his blaster. The resulting explosion missed Socrates, going off behind him.

**_BOOM!_**

"WHOA!" Socrates screamed, jumping two feet in the air and changing directions.

**_BOOM!_**

"ACK!" He tried going another way.

**_KABOOM!_**

"WHOA NELLY!!" He tried to go another way, still trying to keep up with the others.

Hobbes then spotted the Traffic Control building again. He led the others in that direction.

"Come on!" he shouted, pointing towards it.

Andy and Sherman immediately followed him in his right turn.

Socrates tried to follow, but there was another barrage of fire in his direction once again.

**_BOOM! BOOM! KABLAM! KABOOM!_**

"WILL YOU PEOPLE GET A LIFE?!" he shouted, trying to ignore the fear bubbling up inside of him, and he followed the others towards the building.

Hobbes began pounding on the doors which he had discovered were locked.

"HELLO?!" he shouted. "LET US IN! ROWAN?! _LET US IN!!_"

Andy and Socrates ran up and immediately started shouting and pounding the doors along with him.

After a few seconds of this, the doors slid apart, revealing Rowan.

Hobbes and Andy managed to stop pounding in time, but Socrates' brain didn't register the fat the doors were gone, and he accidentally seemed to mistake Rowan for the doors. He punched him.

**_POW!_**

Rowan nursed his black eye as he glared at Socrates.

"Ooh, sorry about that," Socrates said, giggling sheepishly.

Rowan moved aside as they all dove into the lobby

"Where's the Earth Potentate?" King Stor demanded.

"Where're Galaxoid and Nebular?!" added Rowan.

"They aren't here! Shut the doors!" Hobbes shouted.

Rowan quickly complied and put the doors on double-lock.

"What did you find out?" King Stor demanded.

"Do you remember a scientist?" Hobbes asked him. "Ideally, a _human _scientist that was brought to you from Earth?"

There was a pause as King Stor pondered.

"He has two poofy sticks of hair coming out of his head," Socrates supplied.

"Yes, very Three Stooges," Andy added.

"Ah, yes! Retro Griffin! _That _freakazoid…," Stor said, finally remembering.

"Yeah, sorry for supplying him for you," Hobbes said sheepishly. "I remember Calvin told me that the idea was that Retro was too far ahead of his own time on Earth, so we figured he'd be better off here on Annkor."

"Oh, don't feel bad," Stor assured him. "It gave us a chance to observe a human being up close."

"He's the one that let the Plantonians in," Andy said.

There was a pause.

"Well, we might be a _bit _peeved at you," Stor admitted.

"How'd he let them in?" Rowan asked. "We set up the best prison facility we could! We got it from one of the prison planets we work with!"

"Retro's quite intelligent," Sherman said. "He invented a special sort of robot with a built-in camera. He must've found a way to sneak the remote control onto one of the ships that was making an exchange with your planet. The Plantonians intercepted said ship and took the remote, and used the robot to bring down your barriers after establishing contact with him."

"Clever," Stor commented.

"So what do we do?" Rowan asked urgently.

"Calvin's still out there," Hobbes said. "He's been up to something this whole time. He's got some sort of complex plan."

"Should be entertaining enough," Andy added.

**_BEE-BEEP! BEE-BEEP! BEE-BEEP! BEE-BEEP! BEE-BEEP!_**

They became painfully aware of a beeping noise.

"What's that mean?" Socrates asked.

"Incoming message in the control room!" Rowan announced, and he fled the lobby.

The others followed him. They flew up the spiral staircase into the control room on the top floor. They ran to the end of the room. They noticed the box was still crashing into the wall, and the broken window had been patched up.

Rowan pushed a button.

"Traffic Control," he announced. "State your name and purpose."

"My name is Calvin, and I'm saving your planet!"

Hobbes immediately pushed Rowan aside.

"Calvin, where the heck are you?!" he demanded.

"Ah, Hobbes!" Calvin's voice said. "Glad to see you all made it. Well, right now, I'm sitting in the back of Galaxoid and Nebular's hovercraft, and they're driving me to what I hope is the solution to stopping the invasion."

"We were parked in a No-Tow Zone," Nebular said. "It was remarkable."

Everyone sighed.

"Well, what is your plan?" Hobbes asked.

"I only have one plan for you guys," Calvin said. "And that is it to get in the box and get away from the planet just in case it doesn't work."

"Doesn't work?!"

"I have no written guarantees."

Everyone exchanged worried glances.

"Um, Calvin?" Hobbes asked slowly.

"Yeah, Hobbes?"

"…You'll be careful, right?"

There was a pause.

"As careful as I can," Calvin replied.

There was warmth in his voice that Hobbes found comforting.

"Okay, buddy. We'll do it."

"Great. Over and out."

And the line went dead.

Everyone looked at Hobbes expectantly.

"…Hobbes?" Socrates asked carefully.

Hobbes faced him, and then he glanced at the box. Then he faced Rowan.

"I'm terribly sorry to do this, but is it okay if we break your window again?" he asked sweetly.

* * *

Calvin put the phone away as he sat in the backseat of Galaxoid and Nebular's craft. They were piloting through the tattered remains of the town. Most of this area was deserted. Calvin was thankful for it. The less people bothering him the better.

Sdrawkcab was coming into view. The drive thru establishment was surprisingly untouched in all the destruction, making it seem out of place.

"Here we are," Galaxoid said. "Now would you mind explaining the plan to us?"

"Bring us all the way there," Calvin said, leaning forward to get a better view.

Galaxoid brought the craft forward a little bit more. Slowly but surely, they flew amongst the smoking debris and flew towards the main building of the restaurant. He gently brought the craft down on the ground.

Once the engine stopped, Calvin unbuckled his seatbelt.

Galaxoid and Nebular lowered the dome around them, and they got out.

"Well, what are we here for?" Nebular asked.

Calvin looked around.

"You said that when you came here to eat, everything was shifted into reverse, except yourselves?" he asked, not looking at them.

"Correct," Galaxoid said.

"The people were moving forward, except the employees and anything related to the restaurant."

"Yep," said Nebular.

Calvin pondered.

"What planet did you get this from?" he asked.

"Oh, it's a very famous chain of restaurants that extends from the universe Esrever," Galaxoid explained.

Calvin nodded. "I suppose that means that their universe goes backwards through time?" he asked.

"Every last detail."

"And how was that brought here? Time moves forward everywhere else on your planet."

"We're not sure," Nebular said. "We've never been to that universe."

Calvin nodded and looked around.

Then he noticed something.

The smoke billowing from the ruins of the city were coming towards the restaurant, but they didn't seem to go further than where they were. It was almost as this cloud of smoke was up against some sort of wall.

Understanding began to occur.

"Of course!" he cried. "A concentrated time vortex!"

As he ran to the cloud of smoke, Galaxoid and Nebular looked confused.

"A what?" Nebular asked.

Calvin ran to the edge of the smoke wall. He picked up a small packet of mustard someone had dropped. He saw that it was squashed, and that all the mustard inside it had squirted out of it. Raising an eyebrow, he put his foot down on the squashed bit, and suddenly, he felt his foot go up as the puddle of mustard erupted and formed a stream that flew back into the packet, which resealed itself. Calvin picked it up and ran towards a spot where the smoke wasn't very thick.

He walked past the smoke, taking note of a sudden flash.

Galaxoid and Nebular watched intently.

Calvin then placed the mustard packet on the ground and stepped on it. A stream of mustard squirted from it, making an identical puddle on the pavement.

"Alright!" he said. "Experiment time!"

He passed through another flash and approached Galaxoid and Nebular.

"What is it?" Galaxoid asked.

"It's a special force field that concentrates on non-sentient objects," Calvin explained.

"Huh?"

"It makes things that aren't alive go backwards."

"But…but the employees at the restaurant!" Nebular objected. "They go backwards too!"

Calvin pondered, and then he ran inside the building and looked around. As Galaxoid and Nebular followed him, they found him looking at the uniforms. When he checked one of the hats, he found his answer.

"Got it!" he said. "A special reverse field inhibiter."

"What does it do?" Galaxoid asked.

"It can incase the person wearing the hat within a similar force field that fits them like a glove!"

"What's a glove?"

Calvin glanced at Galaxoid and Nebular, neither of who had arms.

"That's not important," Calvin sighed. "The point is that the force field can be concentrated on certain things. Whenever an employee wears it, it shifts them into reverse."

"I see…"

"I'm sure you don't, but it's nice of you to try."

Calvin put the hat away and began to search.

"Now, if I can just find out what makes the force field," he said, searching carefully.

He saw a door marked _DO NOT ENTER_. Deciding it was worth a shot, he entered. A grin sprung upon his face.

"Bingo!" he crowed. "It's the force field generator!"

A giant machine was whirring away inside with lights flashing across it.

"What's your plan?" Nebular asked.

"I just need to copy the data on the generator, and then I can take care of the Plantonians," Calvin explained, going through various working components.

Calvin had just found the screen he was looking for when he heard a voice.

"CALVIN!! GET OUT HERE!!"

Galaxoid and Nebular looked back in time to see Retro standing at the doorway, the MTM in his clutches.

"Hey, Retro," Calvin said, not looking up. "Hey, MTM, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Cheers," MTM said cheerfully.

"Quiet you!" Retro grumbled.

"What are you doing here?" Galaxoid demanded, back away.

"I am exacting my revenge before my universal domination!"

"Aren't they all?" Calvin muttered, looking some wires over.

Retro aimed MTM at them.

Galaxoid and Nebular backed away in fear, but Calvin wasn't paying attention.

"Device…," Retro started.

"I have a name, you know," MTM said defiantly. "I am Mini-Time Machine or MTM for short."

"Fine," Retro grumbled. "MTM…? DESTROY THE BOY!"

Galaxoid and Nebular jumped in front of Calvin, hoping to shield him.

But nothing happened.

MTM didn't fire.

Retro stared. "I gave you an order! Follow it!"

"Where's it going?" MTM asked.

"Where's what going?!"

"The order you've just told me to follow."

"I meant I wanted you to comply with the order's directions!"

"Oh, sorry about that mate," MTM said. "I didn't hear you the first time. I was thinking about _Family Circus_. It was really funny today."

"Oh, that's a filthy lie," Calvin snorted. "It's not funny at all!"

"DESTROY HIM!" Retro hollered.

"Who?" MTM asked.

"CALVIN!"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO!"

"What, without his permission? That's coming across as a bit rude, isn't it?"

"Just destroy him!"

"No, really, think about it. Say you've got a leaf blower, right? And your neighbor takes it without asking you. Wouldn't that just annoy you to death?"

"I have the same problem with Hobbes and my comic books," Calvin agreed.

"Look, I just want you to destroy Calvin!" Retro moaned, glaring at the MTM.

"Here, I'll ask him for you," MTM said. "Calvin?"

"Yo."

"Would you mind terribly if I destroyed you?"

"I'm afraid I would, MTM, yes," Calvin replied. "However, there is one thing I'll allow you to do."

"What's that then?"

"I think you should alert people of a coming apocalypse."

"I get to use the siren?"

"Please do."

"Goody. Cover your ears, mates."

Calvin, Galaxoid and Nebular did so.

"Siren?" Retro asked cautiously. "What are you…?"

**_WHIRP! WHIRP! WHIRP! WHIRP! WHIRP! WHIRP! WHIRP! WHIRP! _**

**_AWOOGA! AWOOGA! AWOOGA! AWOOGA! AWOOGA! AWOOGA! AWOOGA! _**

**_THERE'S AN EMERGENCY GOING ON! IT'S STILL GOING ON! EMERGENCY!_**

**_WAMP! WAMP! WAMP! WAMP! WAMP! WAMP! WAMP! WAMP! WAMP! WAMP!_**

**_STEP A-WAY FROM THE VE-HIC-LE! STEP A-WAY FROM THE VE-HIC-LE!_**

**_BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP! BAMP!_**

**_BABOOM! BABOOM! BABOOM! BABOOM! BABOOM! BABOOM! BABOOM!_**

Throughout all the noise and ruckus, Retro was struggling to cover his ears while holding MTM, but that just brought the sound closer.

Finally, he gave up throughout his own frustration, and he fled, dropping MTM on the floor.

Calvin, ears still plugged, walked over and tapped his foot lightly on the MTM's STOP button.

"I bet you were glad to get that out of you system," he commented.

"Yep," MTM said, sounding as though he was grinning. "Now what happens?"

"I need you to do a complete scan of the force field generator," Calvin explained.

"Check."

Calvin brought MTM over to the force field generator.

A green light extended from MTM, and after it flashed for a bit, it went away.

There was a pause.

"Processing… Processing… Right, got it all," he announced.

"Good. Now I need you to find a way of concentrating all that data into one equation."

There was a pause as MTM did so.

"All set," he said.

"Good. Now get ready to use it."

Calvin led Galaxoid and Nebular outside, and they passed through the force field again. They approached the mustard packet.

"Put all that data into a ray and put it on that blob of mustard," Calvin said.

MTM did so, briefly engulfing the mustard with a glow of green.

Calvin then placed his foot down on the squished packet, and then felt the packet inflate as the mustard reentered it, and the packet resealed again.

"Excellent," Calvin grinned, pocketing it. "Now then, use this." He removed a CD from his pocket and placed it in the MTM.

"What do we do now?" Nebular asked.

"We're going for a drive!"

And they piled back into the hovercraft.

* * *

Retro was stumbling through the town, trying to get his hearing back. He was nauseated from all this movement. He hadn't moved like this in so long.

As he moved through the ruins of the great city, however, he failed to notice someone following him.

Holographic Retro was still following him. He was glaring angrily. He felt so enraged at his human self that he didn't know what to do about him. He had seen what had happened. He was convinced that his human self was the inferior one. Judging his timing carefully, he pressed against his **H** and he was absorbed back into his light bee. The light bee flew after Human Retro.

When Retro wasn't looking, the light bee carefully set itself down in his pocket.

That was when Retro noticed that Calvin was flying overhead with Galaxoid and Nebular. The hovercraft overtook him and rounded a bend and disappeared.

Retro, now with restored vigor, started running after them.

* * *

Nesbin and Ned were watching progress from the mother ship.

"I'm impressed with all the progress we've made, sir," Ned said.

"Quite right, Ned," Nesbin replied, grinning. "Within the next few hours, we shall have depleted the planet of all the Jethrick, and it should last at least another millennium."

There was a pause.

"That's not much, in retrospect, sir," Ned noted.

"It's long enough for us."

A smaller Plantonian sergeant ran up.

"Commander! Commander!" he said.

"What now?" Nesbin sighed, sounding a might bit agitated.

"Our sensors indicate a small craft making its way towards us."

"How many life signs?"

"Three, sir. Two of Annkor and one humanoid of an unspecified planet."

Nesbin nodded.

"I think I know who they are," he said grimly. "When they're within range, beam them aboard."

"Yes, sir," he replied, and the sergeant went to alert the people who could actually handle that particular task.

Nesbin rose from his chair and looked out at the sky.

"So…," he pondered. "Our manipulative little humanoid is about to get nasty…"

* * *

As the hovercraft rounded some bends in the town, Retro was trying desperately to keep up.

Galaxoid was steering carefully and diligently.

"There it is!" he announced.

Calvin stared at the giant Plantonian battle cruiser. Lots of diggers and carriers were coming to and from it.

"That's the mother ship? You're sure?" he asked.

"Absolutely sure," MTM assured him.

"And you're sure it's computer systems connect with all the ships?"

"Correct."

"Good. Galaxoid, take us up."

Galaxoid began accelerating, bringing the nose of the craft up a bit.

Retro, desperate, reached out and managed to grab the undercarriage of the craft before it was out of reach. He dangled there, both angry and nervous.

No one seemed to notice him.

However, as they began to approach the cruiser, they noticed something coming towards them.

"Hey!" Calvin said cheerfully. "It's the gang!"

The cardboard box, being carefully steered by Hobbes, was making its way through the sky. In the back were Andy, Sherman and Socrates. Hobbes noticed his friend and immediately headed in his direction.

The box and the craft both met each other halfway, nose to nose.

Calvin climbed forward and put his head between Galaxoid and Nebular and waved at them.

Hobbes waved back.

Calvin tried to say something, but the glass muffled it.

Hobbes realized this and held a hand to his ear to let this be known.

Calvin looked at the glass dome. Then he pulled out MTM and said something inaudible to him. There was a pause as MTM popped his top.

Hobbes waited patiently outside, tapping his fingers along the box's side in musical rhythm.

Finally, Andy's cell phone rang, and he pulled it out.

"Hello?" he asked. There was a pause before he handed it to Hobbes. "It's for you."

Hobbes took it.

"Hey," Calvin's voice said.

"Hey," Hobbes replied, a smile forming.

"What're you guys doing here?"

"We were about to do what you told us to. Have you finished your plan yet?"

"Not yet. Where're Rowan and King Stor?"

"We put them in the hypercube. Figured they'd be okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, they found an old _Cosmo _magazine. They'll be busy."

"Cool."

Socrates suddenly waved his hand.

"I think Socrates wants to talk to me," Calvin said. "Put him on."

Hobbes nodded and handed the cell phone to Socrates.

"Sorry to be a nag," Socrates said, "but could you tell Galaxoid and Nebular that their mad scientist is dragging?"

Calvin's eyes widened with realization, and he said something they couldn't hear to Galaxoid and Nebular. Nebular rolled his eye while Galaxoid slapped his forehead and said something inaudible.

"What's going on?" Socrates asked.

"They're complaining about insurance details and oil leakage," Calvin sighed.

Socrates rolled his eyes and gave the phone back to Hobbes.

"So now what?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, they're bound to have seen us by now," Calvin said.

"Who?"

"The Plantonians. Their mother ship is a few yards away from us."

"Ah. Go on."

"Any second now, something should happen."

Suddenly, both crafts glowed green.

"Like this, for instance."

**_BRZAP!_**

* * *

**_BRZAP!_**

They rematerialized in the middle of a cleared area that was encircled by the glaring Plantonian platoons. They hung in the air for a moment before both box and craft fell to the ground, Retro being smashed underneath the craft he'd hung from.

"Ow…," he moaned.

Galaxoid and Nebular lowered their dome and exited their craft with Calvin. Hobbes and the others got out of the box.

Nesbin walked forward, glaring down at them.

"Dare I ask what you all want?" he grumbled.

"World peace," Calvin replied. "I do believe that I can supply that."

"Oh, can you?"

"Yes. I assume you know that by mining this planet for all its worth, you're destroying it."

"Yes."

"And that's not enough to convince you to stop."

"There's no change here that will affect me, other than the Jethrick we are getting out of it."

Calvin snorted.

"Yeah, that's the problem with all life forms," he said. "We never do anything about the problems until we've felt something. My planet is already under siege with global warming, and yet hardly anyone will do anything about it because we're too set in our ways to change. And that's what _you're _doing. You think that all these problems won't affect you, so you don't bother to fix them! But there'll be aftereffects! The people of Annkor will suffer unless one of us stops this insane dig! A dig so incredibly stupid that it makes the Big Dig in New Jersey look smart and well-executed!"

Nesbin snorted.

"I have my orders," he said. "I am to take the Jethrick back to Planton V."

"Well, I have news for you!" Calvin announced. "You're not taking a _bit _of Jethrick back to Planton V! But I do have something else you can take back to your people."

"What's that?" Nesbin sneered.

"A word of warning! As long as the Supreme Earth Potentate is around, Annkor…is…_defended_!"

Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Galaxoid, Nebular, and even Retro were shocked by Calvin's speech.

"That was _brilliant_!" Sherman whispered.

Nesbin was less than impressed. He pulled out a gun.

"So it seems that I must get rid of the defender," he said.

Calvin raised an eyebrow.

"I have a feeling you won't be affected by a psychological attack," he said.

"Hardly."

"Then gimme your best shot!"

Nesbin aimed the gun, but before he could actually fire, something happened.

During all of this, the light bee in Retro's pocket had flown out, and it was now flying throughout the room until it was right above Nesbin's head.

Calvin was the only one know noticed it.

With a flash, Holographic Retro came out of the light bee, and he landed hard on Nesbin, knocking him to the ground.

Everyone stared in shock as the gun slid from Nesbin's fingers and across the room to Calvin, who picked it up.

"Thanks, Retro," Calvin commented.

"Oh, _now _you accept my help," Retro grunted, getting up off of Nesbin.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?" Nesbin demanded.

"Aw man, he _said _it," Andy moaned, covering his face.

"Yeah, can't we avoid the clichéd dialogue?" Socrates added.

Holographic Retro dusted himself off as Human Retro glared at him.

"Oh, so it's come to this, has it?" he demanded. "You've resorted to _helping _the little brat!"

"What, you wouldn't prefer that his death be at your own hands?" Holographic Retro snarled.

"Not the best reasons to save a life I've ever heard, but it'll do," Hobbes commented.

Retro and Holographic Retro approached each other angrily.

"You pathetic collection of light!" Retro roared. "You think you're better than me?"

"You're the one who was defeated by a loud noise just a few minutes ago! I could simply turn my hearing off! You're also the one who had to send me to do your job for you!"

It was a long argument that everyone took great fascination in watching. It's not everyday you see someone get in an argument with their self.

This meant, however, that no one was watching Calvin. As quietly as he could, he slid over towards the front of the ship, and he checked the controls. He pulled MTM out of his pocket, and he prepared to put his plan into action.

"Where's a good place?" Calvin whispered.

"Hmmmm…," MTM said. "Over there will be fine."

Calvin found a slot nearby him and slunk over towards it.

"Is it ready?"

"Yep."

Calvin opened the MTM, taking out the CD from earlier. He slid it into the slot, which was actually a CD drive. It was interesting find on such a futuristic spaceship, but then again, maybe the old methods are the best methods.

MTM extended his manipulator arms and began typing things into the control console.

"Got it," he said. "It's transmitting now."

Calvin turned around and saw Retro and Holographic Retro were arguing still.

"You think you're so great?" Retro was shouting. "You're not even real!"

"Oh yeah? Well, at least I know how to think outside the box!" Holographic Retro shouted back.

"Excuse me!" Calvin shouted.

Everyone turned around and saw him.

"If you don't mind me mentioning it, you're _both _kind of pathetic. I mean, let's face it. Any _good _villain would've noticed me putting my heroic and incredibly clever plan into action."

Everyone stared at him in confusion.

Suddenly, the plan became more apparent.

The Battle Cruiser suddenly flashed a green color.

"Commander!" a sergeant shouted. "Something's wrong with out controls! They're moving backwards!"

"Same thing with our radar!" said another. "All the diggers and carriers are reversing!"

"The cargo bay doors are letting crafts go!" shouted a midshipman.

"The Jethrick!" someone else shouted. "It's going back into the carriers! They're taking it away."

"WHAT?!" Nesbin shouted. "But how are…? WHAT DID YOU DO?!" he shouted at Calvin.

Calvin grinned.

"MTM? Teleport us all out of here!"

"Right on, dude!" MTM replied.

In a zap, Calvin disappeared, followed by the box, the craft, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Galaxoid, Nebular and Holographic Retro. Then a moment later, Human Retro was gone, too.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" Nesbin hollered, deciding to forget them for a while.

* * *

Outside, in a field of electricity, everyone was zapped back into the streets.

Calvin grinned proudly as everything went backwards through the sky.

Human Retro finally seemed to remember where he was and who he was with.

"You!" he shouted, glaring at Calvin. "Now I can finally—"

He was cut off when Calvin shot a blast of the Reverse Ray at him, and Retro suddenly began going backwards through his rant before he was reversed back onto the ship again.

"What'd you do to him?" Hobbes asked.

"The same thing I did to the ship!" Calvin replied, pulling out a handkerchief.

"And that was…?" Andy asked.

"MTM and I copied the data from the Sdrawkcab drive-thru and saved the data to a compact disc. We also managed to convert it into a beam," Calvin explained. "It has the ability to put non-living objects into reverse, unless the being itself is hit with the beam."

"How's that going to save the planet?" Socrates asked.

"The mother ship is systematically connected with every single craft from Planton V. When MTM downloaded the disc into the hard drive, it was automatically sent to every ship, be it cruiser, destroyer, digger or carrier. Every single ship is going to undo all the damage it did. All the Jethrick will be put back."

"And you think it'll work?" Sherman asked.

"Won't it?"

Sherman thought for a moment.

"Yeah… Yeah, it will, actually," he admitted.

"Well then."

There was a pause.

Hobbes stared at him.

"How'd you know it would work?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Calvin asked, wiping his nose with the handkerchief.

"How'd you know that you could do it?! How'd you figure out you'd even be able to use a restaurant to save a planet?!"

"I didn't, really."

"How do you mean?" Andy asked.

"I've already seen it happen."

They all stared at him in shock.

"How?" Hobbes demanded.

"Well, when I got my memory back from that bought with amnesia, I not only saw my regained life flash before my eyes, I also got a glimpse of the future."

"You did?" Sherman gasped.

"I saw ships running backwards through a ruined city. I didn't get it at first, but as this adventure transpired, it became clearer until I overheard about the backwards restaurant, when I finally figured it must be part of the solution."

"Wow, that was strangely clever of you," Socrates commented.

"Yep. Oh and I also figured out a long time ago that you were lying about the prank," Calvin added.

Socrates snapped his fingers in annoyance.

"Well, it all turned out all right, I suppose," Nebular said.

"Will Annkor ever be the same?" Galaxoid added.

"Hopefully you'll come out stronger after all this," Calvin said. "You'll need to be because your planet is at much risk as any of the others."

"Will it stop crumbling?" Galaxoid asked hopefully.

"Oh yeah," Calvin said. "The Jethrick is supposed to help the overall environment of Annkor. Within a few days it should make the planet as strong as it was before the invasion."

There was a pause.

"Okay, I'm the only one brave enough to ask," Holographic Retro grumbled. "What is with the handkerchief?"

"Sorry, the smog was kind of thick earlier," Calvin said, finishing wiping his nose. "It gave me a little congestion." And he tossed it into a nearby trashcan. "Say, I need to have a word with the King and let him know everything's okay. Can you bring him out?"

* * *

It took many hours for Calvin's plan to be completed.

Amazed and thrilled Annkorians watched with delight and relief as the many fleets of diggers and carriers came back. The carriers returned to the craters where the Jethrick had been mined. The diggers' giant scoops seemed to magically lift all the Jethrick out of the carriers' bins. In fact, some of the Jethrick that had spilled on the ground was reversed backwards into the scoop. Then the diggers began dumping the Jethrick back into the holes in the ground. This continued for a few minutes until the patch of ground where the Jethrick was looked practically untouched.

It was the same thing all over the planet. It was almost as though nothing had happened.

Laser blasts that had destroyed buildings were pulled into reverse, causing the buildings to grow back to their original splendor. The black smoke stopped billowing and reversed back through the windows and evaporated.

Nesbin was going crazy. He was trying hard to maintain control of the ships that wouldn't stop going backwards. He couldn't make the program making the ships do this stop. The system was in full reversal!

"SOMEONE MAKE THIS STOP!!" he screamed.

"Commander, the carriers keep taking away the Jethrick! Our supplies are dwindling quickly!" Ned cried. "And it continuously gets worse!"

"How?!"

"Our televisions are going backwards! Now we've got reruns, and they don't make any sense!!"

* * *

Hours went by. The ships were going backwards so quickly that after a few more hours, all the damage and destruction they'd implemented were undone. It was like hitting the reset button.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Galaxoid, Nebular, and King Stor all stood in a group in the middle of town. They grinned when they saw the ships all returning to the mother ship. There was a long pause as the cruisers hung in the air for a while before reversing their way backwards towards the sky. In a matter of fifteen minutes, they had cleared the way.

"Wait for it… Wait for it… Now!" Calvin said into a communicator.

* * *

In Traffic Control, Sherman and Rowan began typing into a control panel. Various screens lit up until a few more bits and pieces of computer-stuff came on.

"Transduction barriers are back up!" Sherman said into the communicator.

* * *

This was signified by the sudden flash in the air the appeared just as the cruisers kept going backwards.

"Awesome!" Calvin cheered.

* * *

Later on, everyone was gathered in the town. The entire town in Annkor was in a group together.

Calvin and Hobbes stood in front of the others, while King Stor, Galaxoid, Nebular and Rowan stood to the left of them.

"Defenders of Earth, I give you my thanks," King Stor said. "The planet of Annkor is in your debt. How can we ever repay you?"

"Aw, don't worry about it," Calvin said modestly.

"Are we safe from the Plantonians?" asked Rowan.

"All their ships are in a permanent state of reversal. They won't be able to bother anyone anytime soon."

"What about the human Retro?" Galaxoid asked. "What happened to him?"

"Well, his version of the backwards formula was temporary. It'll wear off once he's safely back in captivity. I'd keep a close eye on him, if I were you."

The King nodded. "We shall see to it. What shall you do now?"

"Oh, this and that…," Calvin said, glancing over at Hobbes. "Hobbes, hand me my schedule."

Hobbes handed him a small booklet.

Calvin flipped through it.

"What's that?" Nebular asked.

"TV Guide," Calvin replied. "Ah! If we leave now, we can catch _Tom and Jerry_!"

"Ooh! Let's make tracks!" Hobbes said eagerly.

"See ya later, guys!"

"Good bye, Earth Potentate!" Galaxoid and Nebular said together.

Calvin and Hobbes dove into the box, followed by Andy, Sherman and Socrates.

"MTM, put on some traveling music!" Hobbes said.

"Rock on," MTM replied.

_Holiday_by Green Day started playing.

The box began to rise into the air, and they took to the skies as the people of Annkor clapped and cheered.

"Let's not take the scenic route," Socrates said, reading the TV Guide. "It's the one wear they're whacking each other in that pattern!"

And they blasted off back into space.

The people of Annkor cheered and roared their goodbyes. They didn't notice Holographic Retro near a trashcan, pulling something about and putting it in his pocket, and then absorbing himself into his light bee before taking to the skies and departing…

**The End**

**Voice Work****:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**  
Ryan Stiles **Socrates / Rowan**  
Andrew Lawrence **Andy / Ned**  
Colin Mochrie **Sherman / Galaxoid**  
Tom Kenny **Nebular**  
Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Kurtwood Smith **Retro / Holographic Retro**  
French Stewart **King Stor / Socrates' Transmitter**  
Adam West **Commander Nesbin**  
Dee Bradley Baker **Snipers / Various Voices

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Rhyme Time


	14. Rhyme Time

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Rhyme Time**_  
_

Andy and Sherman's house had rather loud bass notes coming out of it. It sounded a lot like someone was playing incredibly loud music in it. The only possible explanation was the truth: someone _was _playing loud music. And it wasn't good music either.

Andy was sitting upstairs in his room, trying to read a book, but the pulsating noises of an annoying song were creeping their way into his room. His teeth gritted and his eyes clenched with every beat.

After about thirty more seconds of flinching at the awful music, Andy got up and threw the book in the corner.

"What in the heck Ramsey is he doing down there?!" he wondered angrily aloud.

Andy angrily yanked open his door and stalked down the stairs towards the hidden door in the wall. He pressed the buttons on the wall and opened. He stomped down the spiral staircase into the lab of one Sherman J Hamster.

When he got there, he saw Sherman was pressing buttons and looking at something that Andy couldn't see.

Curiously, the music wasn't really getting any louder, but the bass notes were.

"Sherman, what in the name of James P Morgan are you doing in here?!" Andy demanded.

"An important experiment," Sherman replied. "I'm testing the song _Stayin' Alive_ to see if it has some sort of supernatural power."

Andy stared at him. Then he recognized the music that was playing.

"Wait… You're talking about _Stayin' Alive_…by the Bee Gees?" he asked.

"Yep, that's the song," Sherman replied. "I think it has some sort of hypnotic power."

"What _kind _of power?"

"It can force anyone to dance, even if you don't want to."

Andy looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"But you have to crank up the volume really loud," Sherman continued. "That's the key. If you crank it loud enough, no mortal can resist dancing! Why, look at yourself right now!"

Andy looked down and found to his horror that his foot was tapping to the beat. He strained to listen to the music coming through the speaker.

"**_WELL, YOU CAN TELL BY THE WAY I USE MY WALK, I'M A WOMAN'S MAN, NO TIME TO TALK!_**"

It was blaring from inside a glass cage, and when Andy looked more closely, he could see someone inside it.

"What's Socrates doing in there?!" he demanded, watching as Socrates jammed away in the glass enclosure.

Sherman looked back up at the tiger. "Well, I'm just a scientist, but given the evidence, I'd say he's shakin' his groove thang." He pressed a button and spoke into an intercom. "How's it going in there, Socrates?" he asked.

Socrates' out of breath response was nearly drowned by the music.

"**_WHETHER YOU'RE A BROTHER OR WHETHER YOU'RE A MOTHER, YOU'RE STAYIN' ALIVE…_**"

"Lyrics…make no sense…yet…must get down…with bad self…," Socrates gasped.

"Okay, keep at it," Sherman replied. And he turned back to Andy. "And that's how it is," he said, grinning.

Andy stared at Socrates and then back at Sherman. "Just what does this experiment prove?" he asked.

"I've forgotten, actually. It's been a few hours."

Andy stared at him some more.

"And, if you listen carefully, you can hear the exact moment when Barry Gibb becomes Castrati!" Sherman added cheerfully.

Andy rolled his eyes and spoke into the intercom. "Socrates, do you wanna come out?" he asked.

The song blared through as Socrates tried to reply.

"**_I'M STAYING ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE!_**"

"Kill…me…," Socrates gasped. "My mind…saying no…but feet…keep…saying…**_YES!_**"

Andy rolled his eyes and hit a button on the control panel.

Finally, the music ceased playing, and an out of breath Socrates collapsed on the floor of the cage.

Andy glared at Sherman.

"What?!" Sherman demanded. "I gave him oxygen!"

"Look, Shermie, I really think that—"

**_KACOOM!_**

They all jumped as an explosion went off from outside the house.

"What in the name of Nutter Butters was that?!" Andy demanded.

"What is it with you today?" Sherman asked.

Helping Socrates to his feet, they hurried out of the lab and out of the house, and then out onto the front lawn. They looked down the street a few houses down at Calvin and Hobbes' house.

"Wait for it…," Andy said. "It's going to happen. It _always _happens."

After a brief pause, it did.

**_KACOOM!_**

A bright flash emitted from the backyard, and the noise echoed again.

Andy heaved a sigh. "C'mon, guys," he said wearily. "Calvin's experimenting again." And he set off.

"Aw, man," Socrates moaned. "It's hard enough having _you_ around," he said, pointing at Sherman. "Why do we have _two _inventors in this neighborhood?"

Sherman rolled his eyes.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were in the backyard with the MTM. Hobbes was leaning against the tree, reading a comic book, and Calvin and MTM were working on something.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates arrived through the gate.

Hobbes noticed them. "Uh-oh, Calvin," he said. "Looks like your whacky antics have caught the attention of the neighbors again."

Calvin looked over and saw them. "Oh, hey guys," he said. "Sorry about the noise. We're busy today."

"I accept _no _blame for this," MTM replied.

Calvin glared at him.

"What are you trying to do exactly?" Andy asked, crossing his arms.

"I'm trying to study different universes and dimensions," Calvin replied proudly.

Everyone stared at him.

"Okay, I'll bite," Sherman sighed. "Calvin, why are you trying to study different universes and dimensions?"

"Well, if I can tap into alternate universes, I can harness the energies to make cooler inventions!"

"Why?" Socrates asked. "You've got enough inventions! In fact, out of all of them, MTM is probably the only one you could ever need!"

"He's right, you know," MTM agreed. "You can't get much cooler than me! I'm what am happening. I'm hip. I'm now. I'm all of that with a side of hash browns."

Calvin glared at him. "Will you please get back to work?" he demanded.

"You mean will I please go back to letting you drain my batteries so you can go on some pointless mission? Yes, I most certainly will. Thank you very much."

And he began to charge with energy again.

**_KACOOM!_**

There was an explosion of energy that threw Andy, Sherman and Socrates backwards as Calvin continued to look into the MTM. He pressed a button.

Suddenly, a ray of light spilt from the MTM, and it created a holographic projection that probably stretched several stories high. It looked like a gigantic window. Inside it was a giant picture of outer space.

They could see a whole row of planets slowly passing each other. They could see comets and rocks and a huge sun in the middle of it all. They all looked like toys on a table that was painted to look like a blanket of stars.

"Whoa!" Sherman breathed, staring at it in awe. "It's beautiful."

Calvin grinned.

"It's a lousy plan, but it's still _beautiful_!" he added.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"So what now?" Andy asked.

"Now I just harness the energies and move on to the next one," Calvin replied, activating some controls.

After a pause, the noise went off again.

**_KACOOM!_**

The hologram disappeared back into MTM, and Calvin began putting in more commands.

"Well, this plan is going to go hideously wrong," Socrates announced. "I think I'm gonna go home and sit this one out."

"Yeah, me too," said Andy.

"And I, as well," Sherman agreed.

And they left.

Calvin snorted.

"They don't get it," he muttered.

"Poor delusional dopes," Hobbes said, not looking up.

* * *

Hours later, Hobbes was trying to get some sleep. He was just dozing off when Calvin entered the room.

"Well, that went nicely," he said calmly.

"Mmmm… Wha…?" Hobbes asked, slowly raising his head.

"I've explored at least fifteen different universes today!"

"Mmph… Let me sleep, please…"

"You should've seen 'em, Hobbes! Some universes were like ours, but others were radically different!"

"Mmm-hmmmm…"

"No, really! There was one where ducks were the dominant species!"

"Uh-huh."

"And another one had a planet where the entire surface was made of glass! Upon closer inspection, I found it was all beer bottles!"

"Please leave."

"The third universe was even more interesting! It had three planets where the main delicacy was bicycles! Can you imagine such a thing? Imagine sitting down and dining on Moo Goo Gai Bike!"

"Whatever."

"There was a fourth universe that was particularly intriguing!" Calvin continued. "It had ten planets, and they were all linked together by a long scarf! Imagine! Interplanetary disruption caused by a giant pair of scissors!"

"Go away."

"The fifth one was pretty cool! It had miles upon miles of chocolate bars! And the best part was acne was curable there!"

"Shut up, please."

"And the sixth one! Oh, that one was incredibly weird! All the clothes there see-through! Needless to say, we didn't spend a long time there."

"Just stop it."

"The seventh had this really weird religion that involved dogs. It gave out five sacred laws, and apparently, we've broken at least four. It'd be five, but there's no sheep around here."

Hobbes suddenly at up with bleary, angry eyes.

"LOOK, I'M SICK TO DEATH OF YOU GOING ON ABOUT YOUR LITTLE PLAN! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE! NOW GET OUT OF HERE OR I'LL CHUCK YOU INTO ONE OF THOSE UNIVERSES MYSELF!"

There was a long pause as Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other, and Hobbes was struck with crushing realization.

"…if you'll just show me how," he muttered, covering his face and tipping over backwards onto the bed.

"And the eighth universe was incredibly small," Calvin said, resuming his speech. "One bad sneeze and we'd have had a three-way planetoid collision!"

Hobbes groaned and tried to sleep.

* * *

The next day, Calvin was trying to figure a few things out with the MTM. They sat in the treehouse, discussing various things that only they would ever discuss.

"Okay, we've harnessed all the energies we'll need?" he asked.

"Yep," MTM replied.

"And do you have all the documentation about the alternate universes we discovered?"

"Yep… Well…"

"Well, what?"

"Well, it seems as though one of the alternate universes, namely the fifteenth one, was too far out of reach for me to do a proper scan. I could only harness the energy from it, but I couldn't get any details," MTM explained.

Calvin pondered this.

"Hmmmm…," he said, scratching his chin. "So we have a mystery on our hands?"

"That's a rather quaint way of putting it, but yes, I suppose we do," MTM said.

Calvin thought for a few minutes. MTM busied himself by humming a song.

"Well, there's only one thing to do!" Calvin said at last.

"And that is?"

"We'll have to get a better look!"

"Why?"

"Well, don't you wonder what's there? All the universes we _have _seen have been really weird! Imagine the possibilities!"

"Now there's an idea right there!" MTM said. "Let's just let our imaginations run wild with ideas as to what it could be. I'm sure that we'll enjoy that far more than actually going!"

Calvin snorted.

"Dream on," he said. "I'm a realist! I don't go chasing fantasies!"

"Right…," MTM said knowingly.

"I need to see things for what they are!"

"Uh-huh."

"You know, it wouldn't be unappreciated if you'd genuinely agree with me," Calvin said, glaring at MTM.

"Whatever."

"Now then, what's a good way to see what's in that mystery universe?"

MTM pondered this.

"Well, there's only one _real_ way to do it, but it's incredibly risky and inadvisable."

"And that is…?"

MTM paused impressively.

"We can stretch our universe over towards it."

"Huh? We can stretch a universe?"

"Yep, if we were to use my vortex manipulator, we could take our universe and stretch it over towards the other one, and we can link with it."

"What would be the danger, exactly?" Calvin asked warily.

"Well, it might cause our universe to blend with the other, and we'd become incorporated into its customs."

"Huh. Yeah, that _does _sound bad."

"Precisely," MTM said.

There was a pause as they stared at each other intently.

"You still want to do it, don't you?" MTM said wearily.

"You know me so well," Calvin grinned sweetly.

"I wouldn't advise it."

"I'm sure you wouldn't."

"It's incredibly risky."

"It most likely is."

"We might destroy both universes."

"Thus making it quite risky."

"Will you just listen for a moment?"

"Why? So you can just tell me more of the same?"

MTM sighed.

"Fine," he said. "We'll give it a try. Aim me at the sky."

Calvin grinned, and aimed MTM into the air.

"What happens now?"

"Hang about. I've got it in hand."

MTM whirred like a computer booting up, and he started to flash.

"Now see? Why do you need other inventions when you've got me?"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Just get on with it, Spielberg," he replied.

There was a louder whirring sound, and a beam of energy shot from the MTM.

**_BRAZOOM!_**

The beam of white light shot straight into the sky and trailed off.

"What's going on?" Calvin asked.

"I'm sending a grappling link across the void towards the mystery universe," MTM replied. "I've almost got it."

There was a pause.

"I've linked with it. Hold on."

**_BOOM! BRZAP!_**

Suddenly, smoke began to pour from MTM, causing Calvin to inadvertently drop him on the treehouse floor.

"GACK!" Calvin coughed. "What the heck was that?!"

"I think I might've miscalculated," MTM said sheepishly.

Calvin waved the smoke away, trying to see what was happening.

"No panic. I've got it in hand," MTM said.

**_BRZAP-BAP-BAP!_**

"Whoops."

"Whoops?!" Calvin shouted. "What'd you say?!"

"Nothing. Don't panic."

"WHAT'D YOU SAY?! DID YOU SAY 'WHOOPS'?!"

"Settle down."

"NO! _NOW I KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE WHEN I SAY 'WHOOPS', SO WHAT DID **YOU** DO?!_"

"Almost got it sorted. Hang about."

**_BAM! VOOM!_**

Calvin was knocked off his feet.

"I've overloaded the vortex manipulator," MTM said calmly. "It's burnt out."

"Now what happens?!"

"I was only half-finished. I think the two dimensions are splicing together. Hold on."

A blinding white flash went off.

Calvin immediately began rubbing his eyes, looking around blindly.

"Wha… What happened?" he asked, trying to get his bearings back.

MTM paused again. It was becoming a habit, Calvin had noticed.

"It's almost done," MTM said. "We've almost completely converged with that dimension we linked to."

Calvin looked around, his vision finally cleared.

"Huh," he said. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything appears to be fine. If there wasn't, there'd be some sort of sign," MTM replied.

Calvin paused and then looked down at MTM.

"Do you realize you've just rhymed? Are you gonna do that all the time?" Calvin asked irritably.

Then he slapped his hand over his mouth.

Calvin and MTM stared at each other bemusement and horror.

Nervously, Calvin removed his hand from his mouth.

"Our words all sound the same! This is a terrible shame!"

He slapped his hand over his mouth again.

MTM waited for him to say something.

"I imagine you wanted to say something other than 'shame'," he said. "Otherwise you've come across as quite lame."

"MTM, what's going on?" Calvin demanded. "Why do we both sound like a song?!"

"We've merged with that dimension, as before I once did mention," MTM replied. "The universe was entirely empty, just filled with poetic energy."

"I see. What's poetic energy?"

"It's energy for poets. We'll all rhyme, but they won't know it!"

"They won't know it, all our friends?"

"They'll all rhyme until the end!"

Calvin and MTM spent a good three hours trying to communicate with each other. It was a long and tedious discussion. The discussion was short in content, but being limited to rhyming, it took a good long time for them to figure everything out.

The basic content of the discussion included this: MTM's grappling link had managed to grab the mystery universe Calvin had wanted to see. They had merged with it. MTM had figured out that the universe was empty, and simply harnessed the poetic energy. Calvin and MTM had also determined that they would, in all likelihood, be the only ones aware of the rhyming.

They eventually decided they'd have to see Sherman about this, so they climbed down from the treehouse and set off to find him.

* * *

Sherman was casually at work in his lab, mixing up test tube formulas for random experiments. He wasn't working too hard, so he didn't mind when the intercom buzzed.

"Sherman, we've got a problem and could use your help!" Calvin's voice said.

"Come on down, and try not to yelp," Sherman replied, not looking up.

Calvin came running into the room and stopped halfway down the spiral staircase to say something.

"Sherman, you've gotta help! We're talking in rhyme!"

"I'm sure, like all things, it will pass in good time," Sherman replied, still not looking at him.

Wincing and groaning, Calvin finished his descent and approached him.

"Sherman, I'm not joking! We speak poetry!"

"Then get on your way before you pass it to me."

"It's too late for that! It's the whole town! This universe has been converted to cheesy speech sounds!"

"I can't sense a thing. All is normal. I must ask you to leave for being informal."

"MTM, tell him! Tell the truth!"

"It'll do us no good. Any attempt is uncouth," MTM replied. "Since we put for the act, only we shall know. Sherman's convinced its all part of the show."

Calvin was getting incredibly agitated. Something that was hard in real life was proving too easy to be fun right now.

"Fine, then," he muttered. "We'll leave. We'll do it alone. Come on, MTM. We're going home."

And Calvin and MTM went back to the spiral staircase and went towards the door.

"Have a nice day. If you need help, give a shout," Sherman said, still not looking at them. "And don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Calvin simply nodded and left. He and MTM left the house and emptied out onto the street.

"We must find a way out of this rhyming place now!" he said. "This whole thing's worse than a case of Mad Cow! We could stop talking and say nothing at all, but then there's the case of telephone calls! We're cursed! No way out! It's a fate worse than death!"

"Well, at least brush your teeth. You've got Sugar Bombs breath," MTM snorted.

* * *

You want to know how to drive yourself insane? Listen to a never ending poem. Three hours went by and Calvin and the MTM were about to go crazy. They were saying words they didn't even know the meanings to because the new universe was forcing them to talk in rhyme.

"What are we going to do, MTM?" Calvin groaned, walking back towards his house. "I can't believe nobody realizes the difference!"

"Well, we shouldn't try to convince them," MTM said.

"Is there any way we can split the universes apart do you think?" Calvin demanded.

"I'm not entirely sure," MTM said. "It's quite a powerful link."

Calvin walked up to his front door.

"Is there any way you could suck the poetic energy out?" He asked.

"I'm afraid not," MTM said. "Yet, I see no reason to pout."

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!!!" Calvin screamed, walking into the house.

"Calvin, you're being too loud!" Mom called from another room.

"At least he's not lying," MTM said.

"Oh, shut up!" Calvin spat at his CD player.

* * *

Hobbes was up in Calvin's room, reading a comic book.

Suddenly, Calvin came bursting in, his face red with frustration.

The tiger looked up, and put the comic book away.

"Oh hi, mate," He said. "Are you done fooling around with different universes. I was worrying about your fate,"

Calvin glared at him, and marched over to his desk.

Hobbes watched.

"You're in a bad mood," He observed. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Oh, no all is fine, dude!" MTM said, cheerfully.

"Oh, that's good," Hobbes said. "Wouldn't want to be around if he was in a bad mood. I would rush away, if I could."

"SHUT UP!!" Calvin screamed.

"Why, Calvin, are we getting cranky?" MTM said, clearly starting to enjoy this.

"Yup," Hobbes said.

"THAT DOES IT!!" Calvin shouted at last. "I've taken enough! My fuse has been lit! I want all this to stop, now! Can't you see I'm going mad? I want it all to cease and I know how!" he thought for a moment. "EVERYONE STOP TALKING!!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"If everyone is silent there's no rhyming." Calvin declared "NOW STOP GAWKING!! Just shut up and let me ponder."

MTM sighed.

There was a long moment of silence.

Hobbes opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't talk!" Calvin spat, holding a hand up.

The silence continued.

Suddenly, the MTM spoke.

"So, who's mind besides mine is starting to wander?"

Calvin groaned, loudly.

* * *

As the time passed, Calvin tried to think of some way to stop the rhyming.

In total pathetic vain, I might add.

"Alright, MTM, here's a plan," He said, holding the MTM to his chest.

"Will it work?" MTM asked.

"It better, I'm a very busy man." Calvin replied. "Now, if you can absorb all the poetic energy out, then all the rhyming would stop! It would be without a doubt!"

"You want me to absorb the entire reality?" MTM demanded. "Is that even possible?"

"MTM, I believe you're getting to senility," Calvin replied. "Of course things will perk! Why wouldn't it?"

"If it doesn't you'll probably be a real jerk," MTM said.

"Just do it," Calvin moaned.

"Very well," MTM said. "Go on ahead, and sit."

Calvin sat down and waited.

For a second, nothing happened.

Then, a blue energy suddenly fused itself out of the air and into the MTM.

Calvin watched, silently.

The energy continued being sucked out of the space around Calvin and the MTM.

Finally, it stopped coming through.

"There," MTM said. "That should do it,"

Calvin paused, looking around.

"Testing.... Testing.... one two three.... two one three.... four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie," He said, quickly.

"You know that's even more annoying than the rhyming," MTM sighed.

"It worked!" Calvin grinned, his fist going to the air, feeling as though a giant weight had just been lifted off of him. "Everything is back to normal!!"

"Supposedly," MTM said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Of course it is, MTM," He declared. "Have you no faith? Reality is back to normal and we've sewed up the hem!"

"You just rhymed, once more." MTM said.

Calvin stared at him.

"No, I didn't," He growled. "If I had, that means our attempts to make it stop would have been poor!"

"That's what I mean," MTM said. "I really don't think that plan was very keen."

"Why didn't it work?!" Calvin groaned, realizing that the rhyming had come back. "Everything was calculated through!"

"And to think you said things would perk," MTM scoffed.

In order to avoid another excessively stupid conversation, the main thing that happened was that MTM had only absorbed enough of the energy to encase him and Calvin in a small pocket of regular talking. It was extremely temporary, however, and the alternate universe quickly collapsed back onto the pocket, dragging the two back into the insanity.

* * *

Later on, Calvin and the MTM were sitting on top of the roof. Calvin was holding what looked like a crude lightning rod. Which was made out of tinker toys, I might add.

"Alright, this plan is sure to come through," Calvin said. "This is because I know that the process is true!"

"Please explain," MTM said.

"Just shoot a blast of electricity into the air," Calvin illustrated. "This will cause a good strike of pain!"

"This is getting stupid," MTM said.

"A bolt of lightning will come down and hit this lightning rod, to which I've named Cupid!"

MTM heaved a deep, exhausted sigh.

"Contained in that bolt of lighting will be a magnetic force holding the poetic force!" Calvin went on. "This will go on to develop the course! All of the energy will be drawn to the rod, and then we can go put it in a floor with sod!"

MTM paused.

"Why?" He asked.

"I meant shoot it up into the sky," Calvin growled. "This stupid universe made me say that."

"Well, go ahead and do it," MTM said. "Then you will receive a well deserved pat,"

Calvin rolled his eyes, and held the MTM up to the sky.

There was a pause, then a bolt of lightning shot out of the tip of the CD player, and into a cloud.

There was a pause as the cloud absorbed it, then shot it right back towards him and Calvin.

Calvin held the lightning rod up.

The bolt of electricity shot towards Calvin..... and missed him.

Calvin and the MTM watched as the lightning flew right past them, and struck a tree in the forest, nearby.

BOOM!!

Fortunately, it didn't catch the tree on fire, but it did leave a big black scar all the way up on it.

There was a pause.

"Darn," Calvin said.

"You have to admit this will make quite an interesting yarn," MTM said.

* * *

Later on, Calvin and MTM were standing near next to Brown's General Store. They were attempting to go through with their next plan, trying to ignore the various people walking by them, talking like they were in a Christmas card.

There was a young teenage couple sitting on the bench outside the store a few feet away from Calvin and the MTM, talking to each other, romantically. The irony is just blinding, here.

"Alright, here's an hunch," Calvin said. "One that I'm sure will deliver a punch. Since the energy is dense that a proper amount of heat would cause it to ignite. Once that happens all will be normal and we'll be done with this fight."

"Sounds right," MTM said. "I suppose you'd like me to set the light,"

"Please do," Calvin said. "This plan is sure to succeed,"

"Moo," MTM said.

Calvin stared at the CD player.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," MTM said. "Let us prepare the cut,"

Calvin aimed the MTM at the sky, again.

There was a pause, then, a blast of fire shot out of the tip of the CD player, and hurled towards the now cloudless sky.

Calvin and the MTM watched as it hit an invisible barrier in the air. The fire spread out across the blue sky, expanding outwards.

Calvin grinned.

"I... I think it's starting to work out!" He declared.

"I guess that means we have no more reason to pout," MTM said.

The two watched as the fire spread out across the sky, and hit the horizon. It then dissipated and vanished. Nobody noticed this, of course, Calvin living in the most unobservant town on the planet.

There was a pause, as Calvin and MTM looked around.

"Did we win?" Calvin asked, silently.

"I'm not sure," MTM said. "Hey look over there a can made of tin!"

"RRRRRRRRGH!!!" Calvin screamed, throwing his head back in frustration.

The couple sitting a few feet away looked over at him.

"What's wrong with him?" The girl asked.

"Well, he looks a bit dim," The boy said. "Shall we go see the movie, now, baby?"

"Maybe," The girl giggled.

And with that, the couple got up and left, leaving Calvin banging his head against the brick wall of Brown's General Store, still screaming, insanely.

* * *

Driven by an energy that comes only from near madness, Calvin got started on his next plan.

"OK, this is what I have in mind," Calvin said, him and MTM now standing at the base of Sneer Hill. "This has to get rid of this stupid universe."

"Hey, be kind!" MTM scolded.

"Oh no, kind stopped at four!" Calvin spat.

"Looks like it's annoying you right to the core," MTM sighed.

"If we can use your basic power drainer, then perhaps we can diminish the poetic energy so that we don't have to talk like this,"

"Well, let's just hope we don't miss," MTM said.

"Good, engage power drain," Calvin ordered. "And hurry, first chance you get!!"

"I don't think this is something we can fain." MTM said, following the directions.

There was a pause, then, a blue, electric dome covered the two.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!

Electricity flew from all directions, coating the entire area around them in blue.

Calvin and the MTM watched, hopefully.

Then, there was a large gust of wind, and it vanished.

"There," MTM said. "The energy has been lowered seventy three times."

"Good," Calvin said. "Does that mean it worked?"

"Well, we'll know if the end of my sentence rhymes," MTM said.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!!" Calvin screamed, throwing his arms up in frustration.

"Maybe you should think this, through," MTM said. "Why don't you take a seat?"

"I can't believe this!!" Calvin moaned. "There has to be someway to stop this rhyming!! We have to get out of this abyss!!"

"Yeah, there is a way to stop it," MTM said. "Whenever we want, we can get out of this pit."

"Oh really, how might we do that?" Calvin demanded.

"Just watch me," MTM said. "And then I should get a well deserved pat."

MTM cleared his throat.

"Calvin, would you like an orange?" He said, casually.

Calvin glared at him.

"No, I do not want an orange!!" Calvin spat, angrily. "How can you be thinking about food at a time like this?!?"

MTM went to reply but Calvin cut him off.

"Here we are, stuck in this stupid universe where we're forced to have poetic conversations, and all you can think about is eating a stupid orange?!"

"Calvin...." MTM began.

"The rest of our lives, MTM!!" Calvin screamed. "We're gonna be living the rest of our lives talking like this!! You don't seem to be grasping the seriousness of the situation!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!"

"Calvin, we're not rhyming, anymore." MTM said.

"That's no excuse, and stop arguing with me!" Calvin growled. "The point here is that our sanity is about to go down the toilet and here you are babbling on about fruit and vegetables!!"

"Are you done, yet?" MTM asked.

"No, I'm far from done!!" Calvin screamed at the top of his lungs. "I'm going to keep on complaining until I'm blue in the face!!"

"So... no, huh?" MTM said.

"You better believe 'no'!" Calvin growled. "I've got things I need to do! I can't spend the rest of my life rhyming!! How stupid is it to have a universe of poetic energy, anyway? What's the point? There is no point!! It's just one big stupid, nonsensical, feeble-minded, idiotic, maniacal...."

Suddenly Calvin paused. He thought back on what he had just said. None of it had rhymed.

"I.... I'm not rhyming, anymore," He said, looking around. "The poetic energy is gone!!"

"Yep, it is," MTM sighed, relieved that Calvin was finished.

"But.... but how?" Calvin questioned, dumbfounded.

"Nothing rhymes with orange," MTM said. "Don't ask me why. I'm not the guy who came up with all the words in the English language. I don't have that much time on my hands."

"When did you figure this out?" Calvin demanded.

"Hmmm?" MTM asked. "Oh, I knew right from the start. You can dissolve any kind of energy just by going against it."

There was a long moment of silence.

"You knew this and you didn't say anything?" Calvin demanded.

"What do I look like some kind of talking encyclopedia?" MTM demanded. "I wasn't going to waste my breath trying to explain it to you in rhyme. Besides, it was kind of fun just watching you go on ahead with your ideas,"

"I can't believe this," Calvin groaned. "We wasted all that time trying to get separated from this universe, and all we had to do was say the word orange?!"

"Well, that or silver," MTM said. "But I couldn't think of a way to get that into a sentence at the moment, so I went with orange."

"You're unbelievable," Calvin growled.

* * *

Later on, Hobbes was still up in Calvin's bedroom, reading a comic book, when suddenly the door burst open.

Hobbes looked up and saw an exhausted Calvin stumbling inside.

"Oh, hi, Calvin," He said, putting the comic book aside. "What's up?"

"I just finished closing up all the portals to the different realities," Calvin sighed, collapsing on his bed. "I'm done,"

"You are?" Hobbes asked. "How come?"

Calvin glared at him.

"Never mind," Hobbes said, looking away.

"The point is that I've identified just about all the universes in the void, around us, so I'm calling it a day, now."

"Did you learn anything of vital importance?" Hobbes asked.

"No,"

"I see. Well, it's always good to have something to do on boring days like this one. The whole day, and not one single interesting event."

"Oh, shut up!" Calvin spat, getting up from his bed. "You know nothing of interesting events! I'll have you know that you completely missed the fact that we were spliced together with another universe for over seven hours and were stuck talking in rhyme!"

"We were?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes, we were, Hobbes, and might I add that you're a terrible poet?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

There was a moment of silence.

"You wanna go watch TV for the rest of the day?" Calvin asked, suddenly.

"Sure," Hobbes shrugged. "I don't have anything better to do."

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes got off the bed, and went downstairs.

Roses are red, violets are violet. This story is done and I'm not even going to bother to try and make that rhyme.

**The End**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon** Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**  
Ryan Stiles** Socrates / boy**  
Andrew Lawrence** Andy**  
Colin Mochire **Sherman**  
Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom / girl

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Tales of a Tiger


	15. Tales of a Tiger

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Stories 1-4 written by Garfieldodie  
Stories 5-8 written by Swing123_

**The Tale of Hobbes**_  
_

Hobbes, as we all know, is Calvin's closest friend, and not just because they have to share a bed. Despite a truckload of arguments and disagreements, Calvin and Hobbes are both dependent on each other. Calvin sometimes to bring Hobbes back down to Earth when he gets too overconfident and Hobbes needs Calvin to keep his life interesting. Oh, and he also needs Calvin for tuna.

Yes, Hobbes is a great lover of tuna fish, or any fish for that matter. He loves them all. He could eat it for hours upon hours. And it is this love of fish that keeps this story going.

One afternoon, Hobbes was reading a comic book in their bedroom when he noticed something noisy was occurring near his middle. It was a rumbling sound.

Hobbes looked down at his stomach with surprise, and then he checked his watch.

"Well, what do you know?!" he grinned cheerfully. "It's lunch time!"

Tossing the comic book aside, Hobbes bounded out of the room, down the stairs and swerved to the right so he could enter the kitchen. He bounded towards the pantry and ripped the doors open.

"Tuna?" he asked, looking through their canned goods. "Where are you, tuna?"

Hobbes dug through piles of cans, tossing them one by one over his shoulder, letting them pile up in a heap next to the washing machine. After digging through cans of soup, beans, vegetables and various other canned items, he came to a shocking conclusion.

"There's no tuna!" he said, the situation not exactly haven sunken in yet. After a brief pause, he fully realized what he'd just said. "THERE'S NO TUNA!"

In blind panic, Hobbes crashed his way through the piled cans and ran into the kitchen, looking around frantically.

"How can this be possible?!" he wailed. "It's Friday and I don't have—"

Hobbes stopped panicking abruptly as he realized something.

"Friday…?" he pondered, looking at the calendar.

The date was circled: _Friday=Grocery Shopping_.

To his horror, Hobbes now knew what was going on. Calvin's mom hadn't been to the store yet.

"Oh my grease and gravy," he gasped. "I may have to skip lunch!" He thought about this. "Unless…," he said, a sly grin crossing his face.

* * *

Minutes later, Hobbes was at the river. The water swished and lapped and swirled below him as he stood on the bridge that overlooked it.

"Okay!" he said, grinning madly. "Let's see what we can find!"

Leaning over the railing, Hobbes could see some salmon swimming under the bridge.

"Alright!" he smirked. "It's meal time."

He scurried off the bridge and down to the edge over the river. He held out a paw over the water, waiting like the cat he was. It was a long pause as he waited for a fish dumb enough to come near him. His hopes were fulfilled when a large salmon swam past. Nimble and quick, Hobbes swiped his paw at the fish, managing to grab it out of the river, toss it in the air, and catch it in his mouth, swallowing it whole.

"Ahh…," he said, sighing with satisfaction.

Hobbes glanced down the river.

"Hmm…," he pondered. "I wonder where they all go."

Curiosity got the better of him, and Hobbes decided to find out the answer for himself. He wandered down the riverbed, following the current. He walked along, watching the fish swimming upstream, and he hummed a small tune to himself.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Hobbes saw a huge pond just ahead in the clearing. It was a probably eight feet wide and three feet deep. He looked into the river and saw that all the fish were heading in that direction.

"Must be some sort of rest stop," he considered.

Hurrying towards the pond, Hobbes held his breath and dunked his head under the water to look around. His eyes widened.

There were hundreds of fish in this pond. It was a spectacle, watching all of them swimming around.

Pulling his back out of the lake, Hobbes immediately looked at his calendar.

"November," he said, looking at the month. "Yep, just as I suspected: IT'S HARVESTING TIME!"

And tossing the calendar away, Hobbes let all his claws spring out of his fingers and dove into the pond, creating a huge splash. He swam through the water, swiping up as many fish as he could at once, and then lifting them to his mouth and letting them wriggle down his throat.

"Oh, this is the greatest day of my life!" he laughed, acquiring a crazed expression.

Hobbes was soon grabbing whatever fish were within his reach. He swam and ate for almost an hour.

* * *

Finally, Hobbes was resting on the riverbed, leaning on a pile of fish skeletons. His stomach was as big around as a globe, and he was wiping his mouth clean with a napkin.

"**_BELCH!_**" he said. "Excuse me."

And he lay back and rubbed his stomach, satisfied.

Minutes later, he was up on his feet and waddling back upriver.

"Okay," he decided. "I'll come back next week and see how they're doing. If I keep this up, I'll be eating just fine for the rest of my life!"

Now Hobbes should've just gone home after that, but greed is a powerful thing. He decided he would double back and look for something else. Maybe he'd find another fish to eat.

But as he searched, he didn't notice all the fish he'd left behind were coming right at him. They were swarming at him in a perfect formation.

Finally, Hobbes heard some bubbling coming from upriver, and he saw the troops swimming like torpedoes at him.

"Uh-oh," he muttered.

Hobbes tried to run, but his stomach was still swollen from his gorge. Staggering and whimpering, Hobbes fell into the river, and he tried to swim on ahead of the fleets of salmon. They were starting to gain on him.

"Help!" he cried. "Scoundrel salmon are over here! Save me!"

Swimming as fast as he could, Hobbes found himself back in the pond, swimming in circles to avoid the fishes that were chasing him.

"Go away!" Hobbes screamed. "I'm too young to die!"

After swimming two more circles, he tried to go back towards the river. But when he got there, he found that the fish had somehow managed to move some rocks around to block to the path into the river.

"Man, fish are organized!" he complained.

Hobbes then tried to swim towards the center of the pond, only to be entrapped by a circle of salmon that was slowly growing smaller.

Realizing he was trapped, Hobbes knew there was only one way out. He let his claws out.

"Okay!" he shouted. "Come and get me!"

The fish were only too happy to oblige. They all began to descend upon Hobbes.

Hobbes prayed his plan would work.

* * *

Hours later, Hobbes managed to climb back into his room in through the window. It was a struggle.

"Ooh," he moaned, feeling his stomach. "Bad decision."

Landing with a gurgling sound on the bed, Hobbes heaved his body over to the pillow and laid down gently on it.

"Oh, that was a _really _bad decision," he mumbled, clutching his stomach, which gurgled in protest.

As he settled in for a nap, however, Calvin's voice rang out from downstairs.

"Hobbes! We're home! We brought tuna!" he shouted.

Hobbes suddenly hiccupped and brought a paw to his mouth, suddenly feeling very queasy.

* * *

**The Tale of Andy**

Andy was sitting alone in his room one afternoon. He was playing a handheld videogame. It was some weird game involving a plumber being an action hero. I'm all for variety, but really.

"Come on, come _on_," he was muttering. He was squinting his eyes and pressing his thumbs against the buttons as fast as he could. "I just need to save the princess from the wizard and get the power crystals!"

Fortunately for us, the only thing that outweighs his love for videogames is his sarcasm. He doesn't necessarily _love _it, but it's gotten him out of trouble (or into trouble, depends on who he's talking to). We bring this up because just minutes later, his phone rang.

Putting the game on pause, Andy reached over and picked it up.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Good evening, sir," a voice said. It sounded Puerto Rican. "We would like to know what we can do to improve the show _Dance War_."

Andy hadn't actually watched the show, but he had heard of it. It _was _possible to loathe such things without actually seeing them.

"Do you really want my opinion of that show?" Andy asked, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, sir," the voice replied.

"Okay, then listen carefully…," Andy paused impressively, "…Imagine…It is four hundred sixty-eight thousand years in the future, and humanity has left the Earth. It's a derelict planet, abandoned and quiet. Only the artifacts of a long-ago civilization remain. But suddenly, an archaeological ship from a far away empire pierces the atmosphere and lands! Among the ruins of massive cities, they search for clues of this once-great culture and people! And they find it! A sublime, beautiful TV recording: _Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann_!"

"…Good God…," the terrified man whimpered, and he hung up.

Andy grinned proudly and put his phone back and returned to his game.

About a minute of silence passed as he concentrated only for both quiet and concentration to be rudely shattered by a voice coming from outside.

"IT'S A CONSPIRACY, I TELL YOU!! _IT'S A BLOODY CONSPIRACY!!_"

Andy rolled his eyes, paused the game and went to his window. He saw a man in a white shirt, tweed pants and a tie standing on the sidewalk. He was standing there, hands at his sides and staring off into space.

Andy raised an eyebrow.

"LOOK, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!" he shouted. "I'M TELLING YOU WHAT I THINK!!"

"You're telling _me _what you think," Andy muttered, "along with about fifty other people in this neighborhood."

Andy left the window, went down the stairs, and exited the house, and he casually approached the man on the sidewalk.

"Excuse me," Andy said.

The man looked down at him.

"I'll be right back," he said to no one Andy could see. "What is it, kid?"

"Pardon me for being so forward, sir, but are you a technophile or a nut job?"

The man stared at him. "Beg pardon?"

"Let me see your other ear."

The man turned and revealed his other ear, revealing a small device in it.

"Ah, technophile," Andy said. "You know you really shouldn't wear that in public and just use your cell phone. You make it hard to tell the difference."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for thousands of years, society had a surefire way for spotting the crazies," Andy explained. "They talked to themselves. For centuries, it was the perfect way to spot a nut. But thanks to those Blue Tooth earpieces, you can't tell anymore. Everyone looks like they're talking to themselves."

The man stared at him.

Andy continued. "You see, remember Lando Carlrission's right-hand man in _Empire Strikes Back_? He was the guy with the electronic earmuffs. Remember when we thought that was the coolest look ever? And we dreamed of a world where that was possible? And now that we live in a world where Blue Tooth earpieces are everywhere, only now do we realize how truly stupid they look."

The man glared at him. "I'll wear it if I want!" he said defiantly, and he marched off down the sidewalk.

Andy paid close attention to him.

The man casually reached around his ear and was seen tossing something into a trashcan.

Andy smirked and went back to his room. "Now I just need to finish that level by finding the salt missiles so I can do battle with that Slug Emperor!" he said.

How can a guy who is so cool…be so _lame_?!

* * *

**The Tale of ** **Sherman**

Sherman J Hamster is a genius, and with all that genius comes a great big honkin' ego. His heart's in the right place, but it only stands to reason he'll need to show off his brain once in a while. I mean, it's like having a new car, and you've just got to show it off to your friends because you know that _they _don't have this car.

One afternoon, Sherman was up to his usual antics in the lab. He was wearing a small white lab coat and a pair of goggles. He was taking notes on a tiny clipboard. He quietly puttered around his beakers and Bunsen Burners.

He came upon a pair of beakers full of colored formulas.

"Okay," he said, setting down the clipboard and pencil. "Experiment 512: Intelligent Molds."

Sherman took the two beakers over his head and connected them at the mouths. He proceeded to let them mix together until he decided to pour it all into just one of them. Discarding the second beaker, he took the first and took the mixture to a plate.

Upon this plate was a pile of green moss. It was slimy and looked like curly hair.

As carefully as he could, Sherman lowered the beaker to the mold, pouring a few drops of the liquid onto it.

There was a brief pause as Sherman waited for something to happen.

The mold was soaking up the formula.

There was another pause that lasted roughly a minute and a half.

Within that time, Sherman scratched his nose once, his head twice, and he played with his pencil for a good twenty seconds.

Just as he was about to move on to another experiment when he heard a noise.

"Ugh…"

Sherman whipped his head around and stared at the mold on the plate.

"Excuse me? Did you say something?" he asked unsurely.

For five seconds, it was silent again, until it finally spoke.

"Meh…"

Sherman immediately picked up his clipboard and started writing down on the paper.

"Fascinating," he murmured.

"Ugh…_Uuuh_…"

"Yes, yes, I'm listening. Go on," Sherman said, writing faster.

"Meh…_Meh_…Grrrrrr…"

Sherman looked up. "Grrrrrr?" he repeated, smiling indulgently. "Why don't you elaborate on that?"

"_GRRRRRRR… GRRRR!! _**RRRRRRRR!!**"

Sherman continued actually writing this down for a few moments before he looked up again.

The mold was getting bigger with each sound it made. It seemed to be growing appendages. It began to grow bigger than Sherman.

It soon became apparent to Sherman that this mold was beginning to breathe. He realized backing away would probably be an incredibly sane idea. He began to do so.

"**_GRRRRRRRR! ROWL-WAUGH! GRROOOWWWWLLLAAG!_**"

The mold began to advance. It seemed to grow its own legs as it moved closer. Its upper-body shifted and two arms grew, followed by hands and fingers.

Sherman quickly hopped from the desk and started to run across the lab.

The Mold-Monster jumped from the counter and chased after him.

Sherman managed to scurry up the side of the other counter, and then he began to crawl up onto a bookshelf.

The Mold-Monster stood at the bottom of the bookshelf, clawing at the hamster that was crawling up to the top shelf.

Reaching the top, Sherman looked around. He managed to find an encyclopedia. He struggled to pull the giant book out, and when he got it out, he was dangling precariously over the Mold-Monster's growing arms. He knew he only would get one chance.

Sherman gave a great heave against the giant book, and it came loose. He and the book went hurtling down to the ground.

**_KASPLAT!_**

Mold flew everywhere as the Mold-Monster was splattered from beneath. Bits of it went flying everywhere, sticking to various things.

Sherman opened his eyes and looked around. He saw the remains of the Mold-Monster.

There was a silence that followed.

Finally, he sighed and scurried off of the book, and he climbed back up onto the counter on the opposite side of the lab, and pressed a button on the intercom.

"Andy, could you bring the mop down here?" he asked.

And he turned and picked up his clipboard and pencil again.

"Okay, got that one done," he sighed to himself. "Now then, onto the fish eggs."

And science marches on.

* * *

**The Tale of Dr Brainstorm and Jack  
**

Jack was sitting in a recliner before the big screen TV. It was around this time that he was struck with the biggest dilemma he'd faced in his entire life.

"I'm out of Cola," he said to himself.

Sighing, he got out of the chair, stretched his joints, and then walked towards the kitchen behind the chairs. He approached the refrigerator and opened it up, ignoring the various objects magnetized to the door. He rooted and rummaged through the various items.

"Huh, that's odd," he commented.

Then he faced the door to the lab.

"Hey, Frank! Did you restock the soda yet?" he called.

"**_DOCTOR BRAINSTROM!!_**" a shouted reply rang out. "And yes, it should be behind the milk."

Jack double-checked.

"Thanks. Found it!"

There was a pause as Jack pulled a few cans of soda out of the fridge.

"JACK!"

"Yes?"

"MY HAIR'S ON FIRE! WHAT DO I DO?!?"

"Just use the fire extinguisher," Jack said. "Make sure your safety goggles are on first, though."

"THANK YOU!! **_HOT! HOT! HOT!_**"

As Jack went back to the chairs, he heard a sound from behind the door.

**_PSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!_**

"Aaaaaaaah…_heaven_."

"Glad to help," Jack sighed, sitting down again. He opened his can. "Now then, what's happening in Bikini Bottom today?"

* * *

**The Tale of Calvin**

Calvin was a bit of a boy genius. Sort of. In that he can create amazing inventions out of common household items. He can travel through time in a cardboard box, shrink items with a computer microphone, pause time with a common Burger King top spinner, stuff like that. The pure craziness of just how amazing his inventions were came from his wild and often unpredictable imagination, and while everyone agreed that he was kind-hearted and quite sharp-witted in the field of science and technology, there were some doubts on his sanity.

Calvin was walking silently down the sidewalk. He was wearing a pair of fancy red sunglasses, and he had his hands in his pocket as he kicked a stone down the sidewalk.

The sun was beating down on the newly paved, jet black road, causing the air above the surface to waver. Calvin watched as mirage are mirage disappeared on the road as he approached them.

_...crack..._

Suddenly, a small snap sounded behind Calvin, almost like a twig snapping.

He stopped and looked around.

Everything seemed normal. There was no one around him.

Shrugging, Calvin turned and continued on his way.

_....crack... crack... pop...._

Calvin stopped, again.

He looked around his immediate surroundings, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

_C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CRAAACK!!_

Suddenly, after several more louder pops and cracks, the paved road exploded outward, knocking Calvin off his feet.

"YIKES!" He yelped, falling into the grass, his sunglasses being knocked off in the process.

Black pavement flew in all directions as a large creature emerged from the dried tar.

Only seven feet away, the pavement began cracking and turning, also.

_C-C-C-C-CRAAACK!!!_

Another large creature lifted itself from the road, and stood up on its hind legs towering a good ten feet into the air.

About twenty feet in the opposite direction of the first one, another creature exploded from the deserted road, climbing to its full height and roaring, triumphantly.

Calvin stared at them in shock.

The creatures were completely black in color. They were all massive. Each one probably weighed half a ton. They were equipped with two arms and two legs (no big comfort, there). They only had four fingers. Their heads were roundish shaped and had giant black horns on the top. They no eyes that Calvin could see and only had one gaping hole in the middle of their heads where their mouth was supposed to be.

Calvin remained in the grass, still stunned at what he was looking at.

The three creatures all turned and looked directly at him. Or at least, they turned their heads in his general direction. It was hard to tell considering they didn't have eyes.

"_**ROOOOOOOOAAAAARR!!!**_" The first one boomed, clutching its fists and tossing its head back.

The other two creatures followed suit and did the same thing.

Calvin stared at them.

"Uh.... I banish you to whence you came?" He guessed, calmly standing up and brushing himself off.

The first creature stopped roaring at turned back to Calvin.

"HAAAAAAAAUUUUU!!" It gasped in a raspy voice.

Then, with tremendous force, the creature charged towards Calvin.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and calmly reached into his pocket.

_Pop!_

In an instant Calvin disappeared from where he had been standing a moment ago, and reappeared several feet away.

The creature stopped and looked around in confusion.

"So, what are you, my friend?" Calvin asked, looking the creature up and down. "Before you charge after me, again, may I point out that I am not The Earth Potentate and or an alien transmitter?"

The second creature screeched, loudly, and thrust itself at Calvin.

Calvin reached into his pocket and grabbed the Time Pauser, again.

_Pop._

A nanosecond later he was standing on the other end of the road.

"I guess not." He contemplated as the creature halted and looked around, frantically. "Let's see, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you're morph-animated void feeders, right? I've heard MTM talk about you guys! Joke about you, actually. He thinks you look like plucked black birds."

The creatures all straightened up and started towards Calvin, slowly.

"You're parasites that travel through time and space." Calvin said, crossing his arms. "You come to any random point in the entire void at any random time and you feed off of whatever you first see when you arrive. And that's what gives you the energy to go through another interdimensional loop to feed on something else. Isn't that right?"

The feeders continued towards him.

"And now you've come to Earth and you're gonna eat me." Calvin said. He paused for a second. "This.... is so... AWESOME!!!"

Calvin pumped his fists into the air, crazily.

"I _love _you guys! You're so _COOL_!! Interdimensional and time travel without any kind of capsule! How cool are you?!"

There was a pause as the realization sunk into Calvin.

"....Oh..." He said, suddenly. "You're going to eat me and use my molecular structure to go to some different point in time and space....."

There was another pause.

"Drat....." He sighed.

Suddenly, the three creatures dove after him.

"AAUGH!!" Calvin screamed, diving out of the way.

The feeders collapsed on the ground, immediately leaping to their feet and charging after him on all fours.

Calvin raced down the sidewalk, dodging people as he went. The people he past, however, took absolutely no notice of the monsters, seeing how they either blinked, yawned or turned on or off their bluetooth cell phone when they past. Of course.

Calvin leaped into a tree next to the road, and climbed up as far as he could go.

The feeders all gathered around the tree, roaring and swiping at him with their large hands, trying to reach him.

One of them grabbed the tree trunk and began shaking the tree violently.

Calvin held on for dear life as branches and leafs were thrown in all directions.

Suddenly, Calvin saw a parked car, nearby.

In either a leap of bravery or idiocy, Calvin jumped out of the tree, and by some miracle landed on the top of the car.

_CLANK!_

Calvin quickly leaped off the car, and continued down the road.

The camera pans back over to the car.

There's a pause, before it suddenly is lifted off of the ground, and the feeder flings it over his shoulder, before resuming the chase.

You can be pretty sure nobody noticed this, by the way.

Finally, after more running, Calvin came to what he was looking for. It was a hot dog stand right next to Brown's General Store.

"Excuse me, can I borrow your mustard?" Calvin asked the man at the stand, looking over his shoulder frantically.

"Why?" The man asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You fool! There's vinegar in mustard!!" Calvin groaned.

"There is?" The man asked, looking at the ingredients tab on the back of his mustard bottle.

"Yes, and vinegar contains special chemicals that when combined eat away at interdimensional energy cells!" Calvin explained quickly. "It dissolves the basic grain and causes a meltdown in the anti-matter molecules!"

"It does?" The man asked.

"EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS STUFF, MAN!!" Calvin screamed. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, LATELY?!?!"

"I was a cashier at Taco Bell," The man said.

Calvin rolled his eyes and grabbed the mustard away from the stand.

He turned and faced the corner, holding the mustard bottle out in front of him like a weapon.

Suddenly, the three feeders flung themselves from around the corner, screeching, loudly, and tearing at the air with their hands.

Calvin unscrewed the lid on the bottle and aimed it.

_SQUIRT!!!_

The yellow substance was thrown through the air and landed on the feeders.

The three of them paused, looking down at it, trying to figure out what Calvin had just accomplished.

Suddenly, smoke began rising from where the mustard had landed on them.

"RAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" They all screamed, collapsing to the ground, and writhing on it in pain.

Calvin and the guy at the stand watched.

One of the feeders reached its trembling hand out in a fist, then suddenly sprang it open.

A large pink hole surrounded by green electricity formed in front of them.

Desperately, the feeders dove inside it, nearly escaping death.

the hold hung in the air for a moment, then suddenly vanished.

The mustard fell to the ground, and lay there motionlessly.

Calvin and the hot dog guy stared at it.

"Thanks," Calvin grinned, putting the mustard back on the stand.

"Sure thing," He said, putting it away.

Calvin straightened himself up, put his hands back into his pocket, then continued on his way as if nothing had happened, kicking a stone down the sidewalk as he walked.

* * *

**The Tale of the MTM**

The Mini Time Machine, or MTM for short, is one of Calvin's inventions. It's basically one of those chrome-colored portable CD players with a red stripe going around it. The only difference from a regular portable CD player and this one, is that the MTM can talk in a British accent, has a witty personality, can travel through time, and do a whole bunch of other things that CD players can't do. The best part is that he can play CDs, too.

MTM was sitting on his desk, sleeping.

Suddenly, he started beeping.

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...._

"Huh... what?" MTM yawned, waking up, and scanning the area. "Who goes there?"

Then, he realized that he was the source of the noise.

"Hmm, what have we here. An alarm?" MTM began humming. "Hmmm, it is exactly twelve o'clock noon on November 12th. Well, we all know what that means. Time for my annual self-checkup."

MTM shut off the alarm, and started humming, louder.

"Auto-restart activated. Entering bios-mode." He said.

The humming died down, then suddenly started up again.

"Very good then," MTM said with satisfaction. "Now, let's start with my megaphone. How's everything going on that?"

MTM cleared his voice. Then, he started speaking, as if through a giant megaphone.

"Testing.... one, two, three, four o'clock. Good then. My megaphone is in perfect working condition."

MTM cleared his voice again.

"Now how's my Time Machine working?" He asked, activating another feature.

_**BRZAP!!**_

Suddenly, the MTM vanished from the desk.

_**BRZAP!!**_

Calvin and Hobbes, who were now sitting on their beds reading comic books, looked up.

There were now two MTMs were sitting on the desk.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"I'm not even going to ask," Hobbes said, turning back to his comic book.

"What's all this, then?" The first MTM demanded. "MTM, you should know better than to cross your own time stream!"

"Excuse my paradox," The second MTM said. "I was just doing my annual checkup. Activated my time machine, and forgot to set the coordinates. When am I?"

"You're a week ago, Tuesday," the first MTM said. "Although you should probably remember me saying this by the time I become you!"

"I did, I was just testing," the second MTM said. "Anyway, better get back to my own point in time and space before the universe collapses."

"You do that," the first MTM said. "Be you later. And by the way, you look great!"

"Same to you!" The second MTM said.

_**BRZAP!**_

There was another flash of electricity, and the second MTM vanished.

Hobbes looked up from his comic book.

"Don't worry. I don't get any of it, either." He said to the audience.

_**BRZAP!**_

"Time machine is in perfect working condition," He said with satisfaction. "Now moving on to the interdimensional hard drive. Let's make sure that's working at tip top condition."

The MTM began humming faster.

"Hmmm, what's this, then?" The CD player said, suddenly. "A temporal glitch the extradimensional portal through the space-time continuum? That's never good. Could blow a hole in the universe the exact size of Belgium! I'll have to have that fixed."

There was a silence.

"Hmmm, unfortunately, it will require all my power and concentration. I'll have to switch off my DirectTV signal for a mo." MTM observed. "Ah, well, at least there's nobody here to distract me. Let's get to work."

Files and documents flashed across the MTM's scanner, as he went to work on repairing the glitch.

"There done," He said. "That was easy."

MTM yawned.

"Well, I don't have any else to do so I'll go see what's going to happen, tomorrow." He smacked.

He paused as he slowly operated his Time Machine to view what was going to happen the next day.

"Hmm, Let's see, That Brainstorm bloke is going to attack us, again, A couple of meteors are going to collide with the Earth, and some mutated flesh eating disease is going to spread across the entire planet and turn everyone into a bunch of night dwelling blood drinking zombies. Darn, I was hoping for something interesting."

MTM yawned, again.

"Well, I better catch up on all that sleep I missed out on last night watching that _Whose Line is it Anyway_ marathon."

And with that, MTM went back to sleep.

* * *

**The Tale of Sheila and Jacqueline**

"JACQUELINE!! GET IN HERE!! I'M A GENIUS!!!"

Jacqueline came jogging into the main lab, where her so-called "creator", Sheila Brainstorm, was waiting.

"Yes, Sheila?" She asked, sweetly.

"IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU GOT HERE!!" Sheila screeched. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO SHOW UP?!?"

Jacqueline looked down at a stopwatch in her hand.

"2 point 349 seconds," She said, looking back up at Sheila.

There was a pause.

"How'd you get in here so quickly?" Sheila demanded, her eyebrows jumping.

Jacqueline rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, what's up, Sheila?" She asked, walking up to the mad scientist.

Sheila stared at Jacqueline for a moment, then quickly remembered why she had called her in.

"AH! Yes! Jacqueline! Prepare to be amazed and shocked beyond recognition!!" Sheila screamed, reaching into her lab coat pocket.

Jacqueline took a swig from her root beer.

"BEHOLD!!!" Sheila screamed, tearing a small plastic bag out of her pocket.

Jacqueline squinted her eyes at it.

The little sandwich bag was filled with a green powder of some sort. It more or less looked like grounded up leaves from a bush.

"Well?" Sheila demanded. "You have any idea what this is?!"

"I have a theory," Jacqueline replied.

"IT'S MY AMAZING PLANT MUTATION HORMONE!!!!" Sheila exclaimed with pride. "And with it, I will use it to destroy my stupid brother's lab and take over the world!!!"

"Hmmm," Jacqueline nodded, taking another sip from her root beer. "What does it do?"

"I just sprinkle this stuff any plant, and it will cause it to mutate into a insane deadly beast, which will obey my every command!!!" Sheila cackled.

"Huh," Jacqueline considered. "Seems like a plan."

"OF COURSE IT'S A PLAN!! AND IT SHALL SUCCEED!!" Sheila screamed. "Now I just need a plant to test it out on."

Sheila looked around the lab, for a moment, before spotting a blood red flour sitting on the console a few feet away in a brown pot.

"AH HA!!" She screamed, racing over to it, and dragging it back over to Jacqueline. "PREPARE YOURSELF, JACQUELINE!!!"

"OK," Jacqueline said, leaning against the console.

Sheila ripped open the bag, grabbed a handful of the powder and threw it all over the plant.

She and Jacqueline watched it for a moment. For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, suddenly, the plant began shivering. The pot did too, causing it to clank up and down on the console.

Sheila and Jacqueline exchanged glances.

Suddenly, the two leaves on either side of the flower began growing fingers. A hole starting forming in the middle of the flower itself followed by two bloodshot eyes above it.

"Grrroooowwwl!!" It groaned, immediately coming to life and looking around the room.

"IT WORKS!!" Sheila screamed, victoriously. "I'M SO INTELLIGENT!!!"

"Hey, there," Jacqueline cooed at the plant, leaning in towards it. "You're cute,"

"JACQUELINE!! QUIT BABY TALKING AT IT! IT'S AN INSANE VICIOUS PREDATOR!!!"

"No, he's not," Jacqueline smiled, petting the flower, gently, which began purring at her.

"ENOUGH!!!" Sheila screamed at the top her lungs, starting to get hysterical, again. "PLANT! I AM YOUR CREATOR!!! AND I ORDER YOU TO GO AND DESTROY MY BROTHER'S LAB!!! _CHOP CHOP!!!_"

The flower looked over at Sheila, growled slightly, then began trying to move. For you see, the plant required some kind of movement to get to Brainstorm's lab.

Sheila and Jacqueline stared.

The plant, unable to leave it's pot, simply stretched its stem as far as it could go, reaching out, trying to get to Frank's lab.

This went on for several seconds.

Sheila's eyes slammed shut.

"DARN IT!" She screamed. "IT DOESN'T WORK!!"

"Yeah, it does," Jacqueline said, encouragingly. "The plant just can't go anywhere."

Sheila glared at Jacqueline.

"JACQUELINE!" She screamed, acting offended. "WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A INSANE KILLER IF IT CAN'T DO ANYTHING?!"

"You don't want it?" Jacqueline asked.

"NO, I DON'T WANT IT!!!" Sheila screeched.

"Can I have him?"

"I DON'T CARE!!!"

"Great! I'm going to keep him in my room," Jacqueline smiled, picking the pot up, and walking away with it.

Sheila growled, and went back to work.

* * *

**The Tale of Socrates**

"I am the very model of a modern major general!" Socrates hummed to himself walking down the stairs in pace with the song towards his front door. "I've information vegetable, animal and mineral. I know the kings of England and I quote the fights, historical from marathon to Waterloo in order...."

He opened the door, and stepped outside, immediately halting his singing.

"Ah, what a beautiful day!" Socrates sighed, looking around his front yard. "It looks like a lot of people should be out right, now! Which means, I have more target practice!"

Socrates raced around to the side of his mansion, and grabbed some water balloons he had next to his hose.

He quickly filled as many as he could and raced off with a armload of them.

Minutes later, Socrates was hiding in a group of bushes outside of town, watching the people walk past him on the sidewalk through a pair of binoculars.

"Target identified," He said in a professional sounding voice, looking through the binoculars, grinning from ear to ear.

A small boy that seemed no older than eight was walking down the sidewalk, playing on a gameboy while he walked. He paid no attention to anything around him as he approached the tiger.

Socrates sunk deeper into the bushes.

"Calculations estimate eight point nine three seconds before target comes into firing range," He hissed under his breath. "Now for a quick decision. Which form of weaponry do I use?"

Socrates tapped his chin as he examined his selection. He had a pile of water balloons, another pile of balloons with mayonnaise in them, then another two groups for catsup and mustard, followed by one that was filled with chili then Elmer's glue and finally, paint. He had left out the ranch dressing, chocolate milk and yogurt piles, today.

After contemplating for a short moment, Socrates decided.

"Well, I'd better keep it simple," He said, picking up a chili balloon. "Last time I used paint, the kid got a little ticked off."

Returning to his position, he saw that the boy was only inches away from the bush, now. He apparently was nearing the end of a level because he was muttering under his breath, "come on, come on, almost there... almost.... there..."

Socrates grinned, finding his lack of alertness amusing. Evidently, this kid had not learned to fear bushes, quite yet. Something Socrates was getting ready to amend.

"FIRE!!!" The red tailed cat screamed, exploding from the bushes and throwing the chili balloon.

At the last possible second, the kid looked up and saw the balloon being hurled towards him.

He ducked.

_SPLAT!!_

There was an eruption of beans and sauce as the balloon hit the fence, missing the kid.

Socrates' mouth dropped open.

"Hey!" He shouted. "You weren't supposed to do that!"

The kid stuck his tongue out at Socrates and kept walking.

Socrates watched him go.

"This isn't over, yet!!" He shouted at the boy. "No one avoids a prank from Socrates the Tiger!! _I DECLARE WAR!!!!_"

The boy rolled his eyes and kept walking.

* * *

Later on, Socrates had armed all of his balloons each filled with a different liquid, and had placed them in his catapult, which was stationed all the way around town.

The tiger was wearing dressed entirely in camouflage, with black eye-liner and green and black painted on his cheeks.

He was holding a pocket knife in one hand and a pair of binoculars in the other.

He looked through the binoculars towards the other end of the town.

He saw the kid still walking down the sidewalk, going God knows where, still playing that video game in his hands.

"The enemy has been sighted!" Socrates announced to no one. "Deploy the bombs!"

After doing a salute to himself, Socrates flipped his pocket knife open and ran to the end of his catapult which was being held down with a long piece of rope.

"FIRE!!!" He screamed, throwing his arm down and cutting the rope.

**_TWAAAAANG!!!!_**

There was a loud bang as the catapult was thrown upward tossing the small hill of water balloons through the air.

Socrates grabbed his binoculars and looked back at the kid.

He was still playing the game and didn't appear to notice that he was being fired at.

"Prepare for impact!" Socrates said, looking upwards to see the balloons starting to fall down towards the kid.

Suddenly, and for no reason at all, the kid looked away from his video game and towards the sky.

Socrates' heart skipped a beat.

The boy calmly pushed PAUSE on his gameboy, set it down, and picked up an umbrella. He oped it up, and held it over his head.

**_SPLASH!! GOOSH! SSSSSH!! SPLAT!! SPLOOSH!! SPLASH!! SPLIT!! SPLAT!!_**

Balloons fell from the sky like rain, each one missed the kid.

Socrates stared, mouth agape.

When the storm was over, the kid put his umbrella away, picked his gameboy up and kept walked.

There was a moment of silence.

"Who on Earth carries an _umbrella _around with him?" Socrates finally demanded.

* * *

Later on, Socrates had resorted to desperate measures, and had decided to set up one of his advanced pranks: He was going to rig the sidewalk.

He spent many hours on this, taking measurements and doing calculations setting up the trap.

Finally, Socrates was prepared.

He dove into the bushes and waited.

Finally, he saw the boy rounded he corner, still playing the game.

Socrates sank deeper into the bushes watched.

Inches away from the trap, Socrates grinned insanely, and sneezed his eyes shut.

_TWANG!!_

"WAAAAAUGHH!!"

Suddenly, Socrates felt the string he was sitting next to tighten, and several mechanics were activated causing water balloons to fall from all of the trees around the sidewalk.

One by one, the trees started firing water balloons at the sidewalk like automatic guns.

_**SLASH!! SPLASH!! SPLASH!! SPLASH!! SPLASH!! SPLASH!!**_ "AAACK!!!"**_ SPLASH!! SPLASH!! SPLASH!! SPLASH!!_**

"YES!!!" Socrates screamed, jumping from the bushes. "IN YOUR FACE!!! SOCRATES THE PRANKSTER HAS WON THIS ROUND, LITTLE BOY!! HA HA!!!"

Socrates jabbed a finger at the soaking wet net hanging from a nearby tree.

There was a pause as Socrates stared at who was in the net.

"Oh...." He said, slowly. "Hi Calvin,"

Calvin, who's red sunglasses were hanging off of his face, was glaring murderously at Socrates and looked ready to tear the net that he was being held in apart.

Socrates looked off down the sidewalk.

The boy he was trying to get was still walking down the sidewalk away from him, and didn't seem to take any notice to what had happened.

"How the heck did he do that?" Socrates demanded.

"Socrates, I'm not going to give you very much time to get me out of this net," Calvin growled, dangerously.

"Righto!" Socrates said, cheerfully, pushing a button on a remote control he had in his hands.

_BEEP! BEEP!_

Suddenly, the net Calvin was in collapsed out of the tree and fell to the ground.

"OOF!!" Calvin grunted as he hit the floor.

"My many apologies, Cally!" Socrates said. "You weren't on my list for today, but it was through an error on my part that you were pranked,"

Calvin glared at the tiger.

"Still," Socrates said, straightening up. "I pranked someone, today, so my overall mission has been completed. See ya, Cally!!"

And with that, Socrates ran off, laughing his head off.

Calvin glared after him.

"Stupid cat," he growled, walking off in the other direction.

However, Calvin was unaware that there was a dark figure watching him from the shadows of an alleyway. As Calvin rounded the corner and disappeared, the figure ducked back into the shadows and vanished, too.

**The End**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon** Calvin  
**Tom Hanks **Hobbes  
**Ryan Stiles **Socrates  
**Andrew Lawrence** Andy  
**Colin Mochrie **Sherman / little boy  
**Norman Lovett **MTM  
**Drew Carey** Guy at the hotdog stand  
**Bridget Nelson** Sheila Brainstorm  
**AnnaSophia Robb** Jacqueline  
**Neil Crone** Dr Brainstorm  
**Michael Brandon **Jack

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **South-West Pacific


	16. SouthWest Pacific

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**South-West Pacific**_  
_

Calvin was sitting in his desk during class, sitting on his knees eagerly as he awaited the bell to ring. He was practically revving his own engine as he got ready to run for the door to freedom.

Miss Wormwood stood before all the students.

"Just one more thing before you're dismissed, class," she said, passing out papers. "There's a play coming up, and you're all allowed to be in it. I'm passing out info on the play, and the audition dates. I expect all those who plan to be in the play to behave and to do a good job."

She glared down at Calvin.

Calvin glared back. "I resent that," he sniffed, crossing his arms as he took the paper.

For those of you who don't know what's going on, let us help you though the miracle of the flashback…

* * *

_Susie had just slipped out of her costume and was now backstage while a few other students were onstage._

_Miss Wormwood approached her. "Susie, where's Calvin? He goes onstage right after them!"_

_Susie looked around. "I don't know, Miss Wormwood. He was here a minute ago," she said, shrugging. "Maybe he went to the Boys' Room."_

_Miss Wormwood groaned and stormed around angrily. "He's on in two minutes! Fine time for him to go to the Boys' Room!"_

_Meanwhile, in said Boys' Room, Calvin was standing in an onion costume, bent over and trying to do something._

_"Fine time to get stuck in my costume!" he mumbled. "Stupid zipper!"_

_Calvin struggled and struggled, but it was no good, and he'd used up to much time._

_"I can't believe it!" he cried. "I'm stuck in my onion suit! I can't go onstage with my shirt caught in my costume!"_

_Frantically, Calvin began to bounce up and down, shouting "**HELP! HELP!**"_

_It was then that he made the crushing realization._

_"I'm supposed to be on now! I'm supposed to be saying my line! What should I do?! _What should I do?!_"_

_Summoning all his strength, he turned and shouted out the door._

_"**IN ADDITION TO SUPPLYING VITAL NUTRIENTS, MANY VEGETABLES ARE A SOURCE OF DIETARY FIBER!!**"_

* * *

Calvin winced at the memory.

"Well, you don't have to worry, Miss Wormwood," he snorted, "because I'm not auditioning."

"Good," Miss Wormwood retorted, and she went back to her desk.

Calvin was a little startled at the bluntness of Miss Wormwood's reply, but he forgot it quickly when a much-desired sound was heard.

**_BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGG!!_**

Calvin was out his desk and running out the door before most people had registered that the bell had even rung. He was down the hall, out the building and into the bus long before anyone else.

* * *

A few minutes later, Calvin was getting off the bus and was walking up the walk towards his house.

"Man, what an idiotic day," he muttered. "I'm just thankful the chaos has ended."

He walked up to the door and pulled it open.

"**_I'M HOME!!_**" he shouted.

**_WHAMO!_**

Hobbes collided with Calvin, sending him flying through the air. They both crashed into a nearby trashcan, sending trash everywhere.

**_CRASH!_**

A moment later, Hobbes was the first to emerge.

"HOO!" he shouted. "What a rush!"

He suddenly found himself being lifted up into the air and suddenly being thrown out of the can onto the ground. Calvin came up next, covered in banana peels and old papers, not to mention general filth.

"Nice one, fuzz-for-brains," he grunted, climbing out and cleaning himself off. "Now I've got a pocketful of eggshells."

"Sorry, but I've just gotta let loose once in a while."

"Well, let me help you…"

And Calvin reached for Hobbes' neck.

Hobbes immediately started running off, laughing, and Calvin angrily chased him back into the house.

* * *

After thirty minutes of rough-housing and three minutes of Mom yelling at them to stop, Calvin and Hobbes retired to their room for a while, and Calvin reluctantly began to work on his homework.

As he was going through his backpack and tossing papers aside, the paper he'd been given flew out and landed near Hobbes, who picked it up. He began to read it aloud.

"_As he gets sicker of his job, the aliens notice him and…_ What on earth _is _this?!" he demanded.

Calvin looked up as he continued to dig.

"Oh, that's just some audition paper for some dumb play they're holding at my school in a few weeks."

Hobbes continued to read the paper.

"It says the play's about some guy who hates his job at McDonalds and is subsequently abducted by aliens who wish to study humans," he said.

"Yeah," Calvin grunted. "Pretty lame, huh?"

"Dumbest idea I've ever heard," Hobbes agreed. "Are you going to audition?"

Calvin pulled out some papers and went to his desk.

"Are you nuts? Don't you remember what happened last time?"

"Oh, right, when you got trapped in your onion costume and they had to stop the play so a custodian could rescue you?"

"Yeah, the kids didn't exactly care, but Miss Wormwood was furious. The play was ruined."

"As if the play was bad," Hobbes snorted. "Remember when I was trying to help you rehearse?"

Let us once again enjoy a good hearty flashback…

* * *

_Calvin and Hobbes were in the backyard holding a booklet of lines from the play._

_"Okay, Hobbes, I need you to help me memorize my line for the play," Calvin said, showing him the booklet._

_"Sure," Hobbes said, grinning._

_Calvin opened the booklet to the appropriate page and read from it._

_"I'm the onion, and I say, 'In addition to supplying vital nutrients, many vegetables are a source of dietary fiber.'"_

_Calvin handed Hobbes the booklet._

_"Okay, ready?"_

_"Ready," Hobbes said, looking at the page. "Go ahead. 'In addition…'"_

_Calvin went to give his line, but he immediately stopped in mid-breath._

_"Wait. Hold it. I'm not in character yet. What motivates an onion?" he asked, trying to visualize his role._

_Hobbes scratched his head and thought as he checked the booklet again._

_"Fame, I suppose," he suggested. "This could be a big break."_

_Calvin nodded in consideration, and then turned back to Hobbes again._

_"Okay, I think I'm ready now," he said. "Okay, you be Bread. Prompt me."_

_Hobbes nodded and read from the booklet._

_"'Glucose is the body's main energy source!'" he read._

_Calvin then turned as if facing the audience._

_"'In addition…'" he said, stammering. "Uh…um… 'In addition…'…um…wait…"_

_Finally, Calvin dropped to his knees in despair and frustration._

_"**GRRRGHH!**" he screeched. "I HATE THIS PLAY! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LEARN THIS STUPID PART!"_

_Hobbes rolled his eyes. "Well, your emoting is down pat," he commented._

_A few hours later, Hobbes was hanging out in the yard again when Calvin came back out of the house._

_"I've got it all figured out, Hobbes," he said assuringly. "This play will be no sweat."_

_"You have your line all memorized?" Hobbes asked._

_"No, I thought I'd come out, do a little soft-shoe, and adlib something!" Calvin said, demonstrating his soft-shoe dancing._

_Hobbes scratched his head as he tried to comprehend the plan._

_"Adlib something about dietary fiber?" he asked._

_"Either that, or I'll do my onion in mime!" Calvin said, pretending to be trapped in an invisible box.

* * *

_

Calvin snorted.

"Yeah, some help _you _were, by the way. You kept making fun of the onion costume!"

Hobbes tried to look shocked.

"I did no such thing!" he gasped.

"Oh?"

* * *

_Calvin was now in his onion outfit and was standing at the end of the walk to his house, waiting for the school bus. He had a lunchbox at his side that Hobbes had carried for him down the walk. How he was going to carry it onto the bus was going to be difficult._

_Hobbes stood at this side._

_"Thanks for waiting for the bus with me, Hobbes," he said. "I feel like an idiot in this onion suit. I'll be glad when this stupid play is over."_

_Hobbes glanced at Calvin briefly, and then he casually glanced down the road._

_"OH NO!" he shrieked, making Calvin jump. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! IT'S A PRODUCE TRUCK!"_

_Terror-stricken, Calvin shot up the sidewalk._

_"…JUST KIDDING!" Hobbes shouted.

* * *

_

Hobbes grinned sheepishly.

"Well, it was just so cute!" he grinned.

Calvin grumbled.

"So, are you gonna audition for _this _play?" Hobbes asked, waving the paper around.

Calvin sighed as he settled into his chair and pulled out his pencil.

"I dunno, Hobbes," he grumbled. "After the humiliation last year, I don't think I should."

"But this seems more up your alley. It's got aliens! You could audition to be an alien!"

Calvin sighed. "I'll think about it," he said at last. "Help me with my homework, will ya?"

Hobbes approached and looked over his shoulder.

"Well, let's see…," he said, looking over the math problems. "I see you're moving into handling multiplication."

"Yeah, you got any idea on how to handle these problems?"

"Well, they're admittedly trickier than adding and subtracting, but I think I can help you here."

"Okay, problem one is three times two."

"Right… Okay," Hobbes said, taking the pencil. "First you need to get three by itself, so we add the two to both sides. Both two's cancel each other out, and you're left with three plus two, which equals five."

"The answer's five?" Calvin asked.

"No, we're not done yet. Halfway there, though. Next we have to get the co-variable."

"Huh?"

"We have to find the value of the 'x' that was left behind when we cancelled the two's out. If we take the five and subtract it from the 'x', we find that the answer is, of course, twelve."

Calvin stared for a moment.

"So…three times two is twelve?"

"Precisely," Hobbes said, handing him the pencil.

Calvin unsurely wrote the answer down.

"Well, if you're sure…," he said slowly.

"I don't blame you for being confused," Hobbes said, patting his friend on the back. "These problems look a bit advanced for a first grader."

* * *

The next day, Calvin showed up at school, ready to handle the day and to see more about auditioning for the play.

During lunch he and Susie sat next to each other.

"So, what'd you bring for lunch, Susie?" he asked. "You wanna trade?"

"Oh no," Susie grumbled. "I'm not in the mood to discuss lunch with _you_, Calvin. You always try to gross me out."

Calvin looked hurt. "I never _try_ to gross you out, Susie," he said sweetly. "It just sort of…_happens_."

"Like last week when you supposedly brought horse tongue sandwich to school?"

"It's a delicacy!"

Susie grunted and started eating her own sandwich.

Calvin observed her closely for several seconds.

Susie glared at him.

"What are you looking at?" she demanded.

"You seem to be enjoying your elephant paste sandwich with Venus Flytraps," he commented.

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER WITH LETTUCE, YOU IDIOT!" she cried, showing him the sandwich.

Calvin stared in shock.

"Eew, you eat lettuce on peanut butter?!" he cried.

Susie grumbled.

"I'm leaving," she muttered, getting up to go. "I have to go see about the play anyway."

"Huh?" Calvin cried. "You're gonna be in the play?!"

Susie glared at him.

"Do you have a problem with that?" she demanded.

Calvin paused for a second.

"No, not really," he said. "Go ahead."

Susie snorted and left.

Calvin paused for a second, and then he started eating his own lunch in silence.

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates were on the bed when Calvin got home.

Rather than reading comic books, however, they were practicing something new. They were circling each other, going round in circles and growling slightly at each other, claws sprung out and teeth gnarling.

When Calvin got home, he found them like this.

"Whoa," he said, staring in shock. "I almost _never _see you guys acting like this."

"Hobbes thinks we've strayed from our feline roots," Socrates said. "He thinks we need to reassert that we're not people, but homicidal beasts."

Calvin raised an eyebrow at Hobbes.

"That and we're kind of bored," Hobbes explained.

They both got up again so that Calvin could enter.

"So Hobbo here tells me you've got a play coming up," Socrates said. "Care to elaborate?"

"Meh, my school's holding some comedy about aliens and fast food and dumb stuff like that. I'm not gonna be in it."

"Why not?"

"Well, Calvin's never had the best luck with performances," Hobbes commented. "I told you about the onion, right?"

"Ah, yes, truly a highlight of young Calvin's life," Socrates grinned.

"Well, I'm not gonna do this play," Calvin declared, glaring at them. "Especially not since _Susie _is gonna be in it."

"Oh? And what's wrong with that?" Hobbes asked.

"It's the principle of it all!"

"And the principle is…"

Calvin fought desperately for an answer.

"Well, it's…I think…well, you have to understand, it…um…uh…OH, I DON'T KNOW! I JUST DON'T WANT TO, OKAY?!"

Hobbes grinned.

"Aw, is someone worried they're going screw up in front of the lovely Miss Derkins?" he teased.

"Shut up," Calvin muttered, flopping on the bed.

"Aw, cheer up, Calvin," Socrates grinned. "I'm sure Susie won't hate your guts because you messed up on stage."

"I don't care."

"Yeah, she pretty much hated you long before that anyway," Hobbes added.

"…Finished?" Calvin asked, poking his head up and raising an eyebrow.

The calmness in Calvin's voice sent a signal to their brains.

"Yes, I think so," Hobbes said, becoming aware that any further aggravation would lead in a very violent pummeling.

"Still," Socrates said, leaning against the bedpost, "I think it would be interesting. I mean, if anything, you'll have a chance at redemption over what happened before."

"I don't want to," Calvin muttered.

"Aw, c'mon, it'll be fun!" Hobbes grinned. "And hey, maybe you won't have to worry about acting with Susie. Heck, you may not have to do any scenes with her at all!"

Calvin poked his head up again.

"You really think so?" he asked.

"You won't know until you try."

Calvin seemed to think about this.

"Aw, what the heck," he sighed, letting his head drop. "I'll do it. What have I got to lose?"

"Certainly not your dignity," Socrates grinned. "You lost _that_ years ago."

Calvin glared at him.

* * *

The next day, Calvin arrived at school, and he entered the auditorium.

"This sure as heck better be worth coming to school on a Saturday," he muttered.

As he walked through the halls, he saw lots of people getting scripts and going to audition. He spotted the drama teacher and approached him.

"Sir?" he asked. "I'm Calvin, and I'm here to audition."

The teacher looked over his list of students.

"Ah, yes," he said in a rather effeminate voice. "You go in room 4B. We're auditioning the aliens in there."

Calvin nodded in response and left into the room with a big 4B on the door. When he entered, he saw a lot of kids standing around looking at scripts. He saw the remaining copies seated on a desk and grabbed one and gave it a read.

"Man," he muttered. "These school plays are so watered down."

Just then, he saw someone go past him. He looked familiar.

"Klein?!" he cried.

The man looked down. It was Maestro Klein.

"Hey…," he said, looking down. "…Calvin, right?"

"Yeah, how've you been with the band class?"

"Hating every minute of it," Klein replied.

"What are you doing in the auditorium?"

"I'm in charge of setting up music for the play," Klein replied. "I'm just here to watch for now. I need to get a feel. C'mon, there are some good chairs over there."

Calvin and Klein sat down in a pair of desk chairs.

"Klein, did you ever do any acting?" he asked.

"I did a bit in my younger days," Klein admitted. "I worked with the Actors Guild in New York. The actors who did big Broadway shows and stuff."

"Cool. What was it like?"

"Well, surprisingly enough, it's quite dramatic. Take for example the heatedness of the actors. They get mad when they get looked over, especially in New York."

"Really?"

"Yup."

Then Klein acquired a tough New York accent.

"'I'm sick-n-tired o' 'dis! I've been an actor in New York for six years and have not done one Shakespearean Production!'"

He switched back to his normal accent.

"And then, of course, there was the Big Actor's Strike. They, being actors, had to have a rehearsal meeting _before _the actual meeting."

Then he acquired a sort of European 1590's accent.

"Oh, the rents are not reasonable, m'lord!" he cried. "The wages are _low_! We are working to many _hours_! Oh, and the sweet tender smack on thoust head doth come from thine stench from yonder restrooms!"

Calvin was laughing.

"Man, you're pretty good!" he said. "Why'd you come here?"

"I lost a bet."

Just then, the drama teacher came in.

"Alright, everyone! Listen up!" he said, holding a clipboard. "We're having the auditions now! I'll assign some rolls and see who does what with which."

Klein smirked.

"Totally non-professional," he whispered to Calvin.

"Alright, Ronald, I want you to play the role of Jacklord the alien, and Calvin, you'll be playing his assistant, Phil."

Calvin stared in disgust.

"_Phil_?" he repeated with contempt.

"Roll with it," Klein whispered, pushing him along.

Calvin grumbled and carried his copy of the script forward.

The entire audition didn't go too badly.

Calvin read his lines with no problem, and he managed to put a lot of emotion into it, silently being coached by Klein.

It wasn't long before Calvin was enjoying himself. He only felt dumb when the name Phil came up.

Finally, the audition was over, and Calvin was done for the day.

"Very good, children!" the drama teacher grinned. "You'll all receive phone calls tomorrow with confirmation of your roles!"

Calvin took his copy of the script and said goodbye to Klein.

* * *

When he returned home, he found Hobbes in the middle of some strange stretching position.

"Am I going to return home everyday and find you in some new weirdness?" Calvin demanded.

"Maybe," Hobbes replied. "It all depends on what is the norm."

Calvin shrugged and tossed his copy of the script aside for the night.

"How'd the audition go?"

"Not bad. Klein was there, so it wasn't so bad."

"Klein?" Hobbes asked, getting out of the stretch. "Which one?"

"Maestro."

"Oh yeah. Forgot that there's a Klein in your own school."

"He's convenient."

"Did you get a part?"

"Not yet. They're supposed to call tomorrow."

"And did you see any of Susie?"

"Nope! It was all smooth sailing! You know, Hobbes, if this goes well, it could be the start of something grand! I could be on my way to stardom!"

"Sure you will," Hobbes said, doing another stretch.

Calvin stared as Hobbes began doing another cat-like stretch.

"Hobbes?"

"Yo."

"What're you doing?"

"I'm getting ready for a nap. I need to relax."

"Maybe you should do it in a way that doesn't make you look like a seal."

"Shaddup."

* * *

The next day, Calvin was waiting in the kitchen for the phone to ring. He was surprisingly eager about this.

Hobbes entered eating a sandwich.

"Still nothing, huh?" he asked.

"Nope," Calvin replied. "I'm beginning to think I didn't get a part."

"Oh, relax," Hobbes said. "They've probably got a lot of people to go through."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll get to your rejection soon."

Calvin glared at him.

**_RING! RING!_**

Calvin went to answer the phone, but Hobbes stopped him.

"Hobbes, it could be them!" he cried.

"You'll look desperate if you answer on the first ring!" Hobbes replied. "Wait a few more."

**_RING! RING!_**

"But what if they hang up?!"

"They won't! Trust me on this!"

**_RING! RING!_**

"Okay, now we wait for the fourth…," Hobbes said.

They waited.

**_RING! RING!_**

"NOW!"

Calvin picked up the phone.

"Hello?!" he asked frantically.

There was a pause.

"Yes, this is he."

Another pause.

"Uh-huh."

Another pause.

Calvin's eyes lit up.

"That's great!" he cried, flashing Hobbes a thumbs-up.

Hobbes grinned.

"What part?" Calvin continued.

There was another pause.

Calvin's eyes suddenly squeezed shut.

"Oh," he said. "I see… Yeah, that's great. Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, bye."

Calvin hung up, a mixed expression on his face.

Hobbes waited.

"Well?" he asked.

Calvin slowly glanced at him.

"I'm Phil the Alien," he said.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Phil the Alien?" he asked.

"Phil the Alien."

There was a pause as they stared at each other.

Suddenly, Hobbes' eyes bugged out and he covered his mouth.

"**_XXPLURGXX!_**" he snorted.

Calvin glared at him.

Hobbes slowly recovered.

"That's wonderful," he said, trying to hold back his laughter.

"Oh, shut up."

* * *

"Hello, my name is Mike Russell, and I will be the director of _Aliens and Cheeseburgers_."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

They were sitting in a relatively small theater that only had like sixty or seventy seats. However the stage itself quite large, taking up about a quarter of the room. Calvin was sitting in the front row with Hobbes next to him along with about eight other people. Most of them were six were seven years old.

"To begin, I'd like everyone to introduce themselves with their first name and the name of the character they're playing." Mike said.

Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head. He was hoping to keep the fact that he was Phil the alien a secret through the whole play.

A kid on the other side of the house stood up.

"I'm Brad and I'm playing Zomfor the alien." He said.

Another kid.

"I'm Ed and I'm Seraphin the alien Captain,"

Susie.

"I'm Susie and I'm playing Garalein the alien."

Another kid.

"I'm Jason and I'm playing Bob the McDonald's employee,"

Then it came to another couple of kids were evidently twins. They were both wearing the exact same clothes and had crazy grins on their faces.

"I'm Stuart and I'm Ollie the McDonald's employee," One said.

"I'm Michael and I'm playing Stan the McDonald's employee," The other said.

Another kid.

"I'm Adam and I'm playing Zarehilin the alien,"

Another kid.

"I'm Richard and I'm playing Jacklord the alien,"

Calvin reluctantly stood up.

"I'm... Calvin and I'm.... _Phil _the alien." He said, slowly.

Silence filled the land.

"Well, that will be easy to remember," Brad said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Whoever wrote this play apparently had a weird sense of humor," Hobbes said, who was thumbing through the script.

"Why? Is it a musical?" Calvin asked, sitting back down.

"No, but it will require choreography." Hobbes said.

Calvin groaned.

After the introductions the read-thru began. Everything went essentially smoothly, except for when people referred to Calvin's character, in which they would always pause before saying the name and then emphasize it.

"I'm not incredibly sure," Richard read from the script at some point. "What do you think..... _Phil_?"

Calvin glared at him.

* * *

The next day, Hobbes was sitting on the couch watching an episode of _Planet Earth_, when there was a knock at the door.

The tiger looked up.

"It's open," He called out to whoever was behind the door.

As you know, only two people, excluding Calvin, would have heard Hobbes say this, so it gives you a slight idea on who was knocking.

Socrates burst through the door, grinning like a lunatic, and hopped across the floor towards Hobbes, who watched him, quietly, beginning to question the poor cat's sanity.

"Jambo, Hobbo!" Socrates greeted Hobbes with a salute. "How goes life?"

"Eh, not bad." Hobbes shrugged. "We haven't had any weirdo freaks trying to take over the world in some time, now, so things have been pretty relaxing."

"Fascinating! So did Calvin audition for the play?!"

"Yep, and he got in, too," Hobbes nodded.

Socrates' eyebrows jumped.

"Really? What part did he get?" He asked, eagerly.

"He's Phil the alien," Hobbes said.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Is Calvin anywhere around?" Socrates asked.

"Nope,"

"Good,"

And with that, Socrates exploded into a fit of insane laughter.

Hobbes nodded and grinned, as Socrates rolled around on the floor holding his stomach and laughing his head.

Suddenly the door burst back open.

Socrates immediately shut up as Calvin came walking back into the house, holding the script in his hands.

"Hey Calvin," Socrates said, instantaneously putting on a straight face and standing up. "How goes life?"

Calvin glared at him and turned to Hobbes.

"Alright, Hobbes, I'm going to need your help," He said, handing the script to the tiger.

"Really?" Hobbes asked, taking the script and looking over it. "How come?"

"I'm on stage in this play a lot more than I was in that last play, and I have more lines to memorize," He said, crossing his arms. "I refuse to let this show be a repeat of the last one, so I need to get everything perfect."

"Oh boy! Can I help?!" Socrates asked, excitedly, jumping into the conversation.

Calvin glared at Socrates.

"No, you may not help! This is a very complicated play and it's probably way beyond you!" He spat.

"It was a play some guy wrote up for a bunch of six year olds," Socrates said.

"And you're interacting with more than one person, in this play, so we could really use him," Hobbes considered examining the script.

Calvin glared at Socrates.

"Fine! You can help! Just stay out of my way and I won't care!" He growled.

"Righto!" Socrates saluted.

* * *

A few minutes later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were out on the front lawn. Hobbes and Socrates were examining the script, and Calvin was standing off to side trying to get into character.

"OK, here's the first scene that Phil is in," Hobbes said. "It's the scene where Bob is first being abducted by Phil and Zarehilin. Are you ready Calvin?"

Calvin came walking up.

"Yep, let's go!" He said, determinedly.

"OK, I'll be Bob and Socrates can be Zarehilin."

"Right!" Calvin grinned. He straightened up and pointed at Hobbes. "So, Crawford, I imagine you're wondering what I'm doing in your bedroom at this hour of the night! My orders are to...." Calvin paused. "Are to... Uh...."

"...Take you up to our spaceship," Hobbes read.

"Right! Right! My orders are to take you up to our spaceship where a few minor experiments will.... will..."

"...Be run..." Hobbes read.

"...Be run on you! Afterward we will replace your skin and no one will ever guess that you were out of it!"

There was a pause.

Hobbes looked up at Calvin.

"Go on," He said.

Calvin blinked.

"Uuuh...."

"First off, though I'd better write...." Hobbes said.

"Oh, of course! First off, though I'd better write 'front', 'back', and 'this side up' on you, just as a precaution!"

"Wait a minute!" Hobbes said. "You've got the wrong guy, my name's not Crawford!"

There was a pause.

Calvin opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"That's what they all say," Hobbes said, looking up at Calvin.

"Oh right," Calvin said. "That's what they all say. And now Crawford it's time for.... Time for... time.... AAAARRGH!" Calvin threw his hands up in frustration. "This is hopeless! I'm never going to memorize all this!!"

"Wow, this is such a load of fun!" Socrates grinned, crazily. "And I'm not even in the play!!"

Hobbes sighed.

* * *

"Alright, here's you're next scene," Hobbes said, later on. "Bob has just been taken hostage by the aliens and he's been taken to Jacklord the alien, who is the captain the ship."

"Right, and I'm his assistant," Calvin nodded.

"Uh huh, So here's what we'll do. Socrates you can be Bob and I'll be Jacklord." Hobbes said, pointing at Socrates.

Socrates' eyes blanked out.

"Why do you get to be Jacklord?" He demanded.

"OK, you can be Jacklord," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "Does it really matter?"

"Yes it matters!" Socrates said, acting like it was obvious. "Jacklord gets to boss Phil around!"

Calvin glared at Socrates.

"Hobbes you're Jacklord!" He said, pointed at Hobbes.

"But I don't want to be Bob!" Socrates whined.

"Calvin, let Socrates be Jacklord," Hobbes groaned.

"I don't want Socrates to Jacklord!" Calvin spat.

"Calvin!" Hobbes growled, glaring up at Calvin.

"You can be Jacklord," Calvin grumbled, crossing his arms and turning away.

"Oh boy!" Socrates grinned, happily.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and held the script up.

"I demand to know what you're going to do with me," Hobbes said, turning to Socrates. "This has to be against some kind of law."

Socrates paused as if thinking that over.

"...No... No it's not," He said, grinning back at Hobbes. "We even have the proper permits for capturing humans! Phil has them! OH PHIL!!" Socrates whipped around and acting like he was calling into another room.

Calvin came walking over holding some invisible papers.

"Yep, they're all right here, and I think there's some extra ones out in the office," He said.

"There you see!" Socrates said, whipping back around to Hobbes. "This is all completely legal! Anyway, you my friend are Crawford!"

Hobbes went to protest by Calvin cut him off.

"Yes, you are the chosen one!" He said. "It is you that we shall give you the secret of the universe! You will go onto your TVs and......" Calvin paused.

"Radios," Hobbes said.

"...and radios and tell the world this secret!" Calvin continued. "And you will be showered with riches and fortunes beyond your very dreams, Mr.... I'm sorry what was your name, again?"

"Bob. Bob Crawford," Hobbes said. "So, what's the greatest secret of the universe?"

"It's only this!" Socrates said, stepping forward. "That...." Socrates paused. "That.... Hmm.. What was it, again? Darn this memory of mine! I can't remember how it goes!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Bit of a pity, too, because the greatest secret of the universe was actually a pretty good joke. I think you would've enjoyed it. We're advanced but not all that advanced." Socrates said.

"This is such a stupid play!" Calvin groaned.

"Stay in character, Calvin," Hobbes sighed.

* * *

"OK," Calvin said, flipping through the script. "I think I have most of lines memorized, now."

"Great," Hobbes said. "When's your first performance?"

"Day after tomorrow." Calvin said. "Which is fine with me, since we're only doing one show."

"One show?" Socrates demanded. "This looks like it's going to be a complicated set! They're only doing this once, then tearing everything down?"

"I guess," Calvin shrugged.

"What about the rehearsals?" Hobbes asked.

"The play ten minutes long," Calvin said, looking at the script. "We can get the whole thing blocked in under twenty."

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances and shrugged.

* * *

"Alright," Mike Lawrence said at the theater later that night. "Here's the plan, we're going to block the whole play, tonight, do a run thru tomorrow and then we'll do the show the next day,"

Some people exchanged worried glances. They only had two rehearsal nights.

"The play, as you can see, is relatively simple. Guy hates his job at McDonalds, he's abducted by aliens, aliens study him and put him back, He quits his job. Very easy and we should be done with it, today."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Will the characters for scene one please get up on the stage? The rest of you may remain seated." Mike asked.

Stuart, Michael and Jason all got up from their seats and got onto the stage.

Mike then proceeded to lead the three people through scene one, much to Calvin's extreme boredom and annoyance.

Finally, two scenes later the aliens were called on stage, which was currently set to look like Bob's bedroom.

"Alright, Adam, I'm going to ask you to enter from the right hand window." Mike said.

Adam looked around. "This one?" He pointed at the window on the far right side.

Calvin glared at him.

"No, the one on the roof," He said, impatiently.

Adam glared at Calvin and walked over to the window.

"Calvin, you'll be entering from the left hand window," Mike continued. "You can go ahead and trip over something to make Bob wake up."

Calvin blinked, shrugged, and went over to the window.

"Alright, now remember your lines and go on." Mike said. "Let's see how this turns out."

Calvin and Adam crept from backstage onto the stage through the different windows, and crept up to Jason, who was laying in his bed, pretending to sleep.

Calvin looked around for something to trip on. There was nothing there. No toy trucks, no comic books, no plastic plates with bread crumbs on them, just to give you an idea on what he was used to, nothing.

Calvin tore his attention away from Jason and began looking for some way to wake him up.

Adam looked over at Calvin, waiting for him to do something.

Calvin swung his head around the stage, frantically looking for anything he could find an excuse to trip over.

Then, he saw it. There was a empty wrapper sitting on the stage, only a few feet from the bed.

A wide grin spread across Calvin's face, and he raced forward, and kicked the candy wrapper.

"WHOA!!" He yelled, falling forward.... and landing on the bed.

_CRASH!!!!_ "OOF!!"

Mike's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Calvin leaped off of the bed, and plunged into his lines.

"Ah, he's awake! Very well, we will begin with the procedure to..."

"STOP!" Mike yelled, standing up. "Calvin, what were you doing?"

Calvin paused.

"I was... looking for something to trip over....." He said, quietly.

There was a pause.

"Calvin," Mike began. "No one can see behind the bed, just pretend to trip over something,"

Calvin stared at Mike in disbelief.

"_Pretend_?" He demanded. "How can I _pretend _to trip over something?"

"By acting," Mike sighed.

There was a pause.

"You want me to _pretend_..." he said, again.

"That's what actors do, yes," Mike rolled his eyes.

There was another pause.

"Could someone like... cue me or something?" Calvin began.

Mike heaved a deep sigh.

The rest of the night went pretty much like that. Calvin would be asked to do something, Calvin would demand how he was suppose to do that, and Mike would tell him to act. It got a little tedious after a while.

* * *

Two days later, Andy was walking towards the theater, with a twenty dollar bill in his hands. Sherman was sitting on his shoulder, rolling his eyes.

"I still think it's stupid, there no plot to this play at all, you know that don't you?" He sighed.

"Yeah, but it still looked like it could be viewable,"Andy yawned.

"The play doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry!" Sherman groaned.

"Neither do I," Andy said, turning to Sherman.

Sherman stared at him.

"What?" He demanded.

Andy walked into the building and up to the front desk.

"I will take one child ticket, please," Andy said, politely.

The ticket master stared at Andy, shrugged, and said, "that will be fourteen ninety nine,"

Andy paused as he considered that statement.

"You know, the US government has considered the possibility of not making pennies anymore," He said. "It costs them like a cent and half to make them and they're really useless to begin with. This is sort of implying that eventually, people are going to have to start saying twenty dollars on those TV commercials instead of taking one cent off and saying nineteen ninety nine to make it sound cheaper, or businesses are going to have to just stop giving people change all together."

The man behind the counter opened his mouth to speak, but then paused again, realizing that Andy had a point.

"Uuh... uhhh... That will be fifteen dollars, please," He said, finally.

Andy nodded and gave the man his twenty dollar bill and the man behind the counter gave him a five back.

"I get so embarrassed when you say that in public," Sherman groaned, once they were in the theater.

"Well, what do they expect me to do?" Andy asked. "Give them a ten, four ones, three quarters, two dimes and four pennies? It's stupid!"

Andy took his seat in the front row and settled in. He picked the brochure up, and studied it.

"Let's see if I know anyone, here," He said, looking the cast list over.

"Adam Joshua, Brad Hathaway, Richard Pomelear, nope, I don't know any of these people."

"There's Calvin," Sherman said, pointing at the brochure.

"What?" Andy asked, looking at the script. "Oh, Calvin auditioned for it. How nice,"

Andy yawned and put the brochure away, apparently not caring that Calvin was a cast member. Sherman rolled his eyes.

Up above them, Hobbes and Socrates were hiding out in the lighting platforms.

"Okay," Hobbes said, looking at his watch. "We only got a little while longer before we start."

"Are your sure you don't want to?" Socrates asked, holding up a bag of water balloons.

"No," Hobbes grumbled. "Calvin's probably got enough problems without us creating more."

Socrates sighed disappointingly and tucked them away for later.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin was backstage in his costume, when Klein came walking up.

"Hey, kid, you nervous?" He yawned.

"Nope!" Calvin grinned, happily. "I more than ready! I say let me on stage, now!"

"That's good." Klein nodded. "Lack of stage fright is always the sign of a great actor,"

"It is?" Calvin asked.

"I don't know, but it's good," Klein shrugged.

"Oh, well, it should go through well, anyway." Calvin said. "My costume isn't going anywhere tonight, and I only have to do this once!"

"Yep," Klein said. "Just so you know, always have great facial expressions in weirdo comedies like this. When in doubt, make an insane face at the audience,"

"Righto! Thanks Klein!" Calvin saluted him.

"Sure thing. I'm going to go on out, now and begin the overture," he said. "I'm glad it's a short one." And with that, Klein walked out.

"Places!" Mike Lawrence whispered to everyone, and everyone scrambled to get to their appropriate places.

Calvin peeked out from behind the curtain and peeked out at the audience. The only people he recognized were his parents, Andy, and Susie's parents. Calvin stood up and went back to the backstage area, and waited.

"I really hope you don't screw this play up, Calvin," Susie said, glaring at him as she past.

Calvin glared at her.

* * *

Meanwhile, outside, the play was just getting ready to start.

Andy had with him a bag of popcorn that he had somehow snuck into the theater, and was munching on it when the lights dimmed, and Klein started playing the piano off to the side of the stage.

Hobbes and Socrates put on some sunglasses when the lights were activated.

Ollie, Stan and Bob all came walking onto the stage. Bob was looking thoroughly annoyed.

"Geeze, I hate my job here!" He groaned. "Everyday it's the same old thing, take orders and make the orders!"

Stan and Ollie exchanged glances.

"Uh... Yeah, that's what we do," Ollie said.

"Good job," Stan grinned.

"I'm sick of it, I say!" Bob announced. "I want to peruse my dream of becoming an astrologist! I want to study the stars and perhaps prove once and for all that aliens do exist!"

"What does _that _have to do with anything?" Sherman demanded.

"Shh," Andy replied.

"What, you're going to quit your job?" Stan began.

"I'm seriously considering it," Bob said, pacing back and forth on the stage.

"But you can't quit!" Ollie said in horror. "Who will man the register?"

"You will," Bob said. "That's what you do, now,"

There was a pause. A few people chuckled.

"Isn't it cute when kids try to be witty?" Hobbes sighed.

Socrates nodded.

"Well, if you think you should quit your job, we can not blame you for acting on your instincts," Ollie sighed.

"Always act in accordance with the dictates of your conscience," Stan added.

Stan and Ollie both nodded in unison and grinned.

And with that, the lights dimmed.

_"What?!_" Sherman demanded. _"That _was the first scene? Are you kidding me?!"

"Sshh!" Andy hissed.

A few people ran out into the darkness and quickly changed the set as the lights came up, again. This time it was Bob in his bed.

For a few seconds nothing happened. Then suddenly, Phil and Zarehilin came creeping out from the window. Suddenly, Phil tripped on an unseen object, and fell face first onto the floor.

_CRASH!!!_

Bob jumped. "What?! Who's here?!" He demanded, looking around the darkness.

Phil leapt up.

"AH! He is awake! Very well, Crawford. We will begin the procedure, now." He cackled.

Phil marched up to Bob.

"So, Crawford, I imagine you're wondering what I'm doing in your bedroom at this hour of the night! My orders are to take you up to our spaceship where a few minor experiments will be run on you! Afterward we will replace your skin and no one will ever guess that you were out of it!"

There was a pause.

"Come on," Hobbes whispered. "You can do it. Come on…"

Zarehilin looked over at Phil, waiting for him to say more.

"Um...First off, though I'd better write 'front', 'back', and 'this side up' on you, just as a precaution! We're advanced but not all that advanced."

"Yes!" Hobbes whispered again, punching the air.

"Atta boy, Cally," Socrates added.

"Wait a minute!" Bob yelled, sitting up. "I'm not Crawford! You've got the wrong guy!"

"That's what they all say," Phil muttered.

A few people laughed.

Phil motioned towards the door and a group of aliens came marching in complaining about working overtime on regular pay. The aliens grabbed Bob and lead him offstage.

The lights dimmed again, and some people ran back on stage to change the scene. This time to the outside of Bob's house.

"I can not believe this," Sherman rolled his eyes.

The lights came back up, and Zomfor and Saraphin were holding Bob while Phil and Zarehilin tried to figure out where they were.

"Where's the spaceship?!" Zomfor demanded.

"I told you this was the wrong direction, you idiot!!" Zarehilin shouted.

"No, I'm right! The sun rises in the north and sets in the south!" Phil yelled.

"But this is _Earth_!! Different sun!" Saraphin said.

"Oh. I forgot. Must be mag lag." Phil considered. "Takes me a day or two to get oriented. So, we're lost guys. Anybody know what side of the tree the moss grows on? Hey wait, maybe the human can help us! Hey Crawford! Don't just stand there with that stupid look on your face! Help us out! We parked the ship next to pond in the woods!"

"Why should I help you find your ship?" Bob questioned.

"Ever read the tabloids about a guy who woke up with his skin on backwards?" Phil asked.

"Just asking. The pond is over there."

Some more people laughed.

"If I was him, I'd have asked to see this so-called tabloid," Socrates snorted.

"So what, are they going to beam us up when we get to the space ship?" Bob asked.

"No," Garalein said. "We're advanced, but not all that advanced. HEY! SOMEONE THROW DOWN A LADDER!!!"

The aliens ran off the stage with Bob, and the lights dimmed, once more.

The set was changed, again, this time to look like the inside of a space ship.

Zomfor and Saraphin lead Bob across the stage to Jacklord who was sitting in a chair, with his arms crossed, and an insane grin on his face.

"I demand to know what you're going to do with me," Bob growled at Jacklord. "This has to be against some kind of law."

Jacklord paused and rubbed his chin in thought.

"Nnnnnno, it's not," He said, finally. "We even have the proper permits for capturing humans! Phil has them! PHIL!!" Jacklord turned and shouted offstage.

Phil came walking in holding some green papers.

"Yep, they're all right here, and I think there's some extra ones out in the office," He said.

"There you see!" Jacklord chuckled. "This is completely legal! Anyway, you my friend are Crawford!"

"No, I'm no...." Phil cut Bob off.

"Yes, you are the chosen one!" Phil said. "It is you that we shall give you the secret of the universe! You will go onto your TVs and radios and tell the world this secret!" Calvin continued. "And you will be showered with riches and fortunes beyond your very dreams, Mr.... I'm sorry, what was your name, again?"

"Bob. Bob Crawford," Bob said. "So, what's the greatest secret of the universe?"

"It's only this!" Jacklord announced. "That.... That.... Hmm... What was it, again? Blast this memory of mine! I can't remember how it goes!"

More people laughed.

"Bit of a pity, too, because the greatest secret of the universe was actually a pretty good joke. I think you would've enjoyed it, if I could just remember how it went. We're advanced but not all that advanced." Jacklord said.

More laughter.

"Oh well, might as well go ahead with the usual skin thing with you. No use wasting a perfectly good specimen."

"What?" Bob shouted. "Wait! NO! I not Crawford! HELP!!"

The lights dimmed again, and the set was changed back to Bob's bedroom.

Bob bolt up in bed, and looked around.

"Oh no!" He shouted, realizing that he couldn't see. "They put my skin on backwards!!!"

Suddenly, he realized that he just had his eyes closed and he quickly opened them to find that he could see.

Laughter from the audience.

The lights dimmed, again, and the set was put back to the way it was at the very beginning.

"Well, alright," Stan said, who was behind a counter, talking to Bob. "Thank you for working at McDonalds Hamburgers. Enjoy your life."

Bob saluted Stan and walked offstage.

The curtain was drawn and the music stopped.

The audiences clapped, politely, some people looking at each other, like "That's it?"

Andy and Sherman remained frozen in their seats.

"What the heck was _that_?!" Sherman demanded. "You paid _fifteen dollars_ to see that?!"

"Well, Calvin got a nice little part," Andy said.

"That was the stupidest play I've seen in my life!" Sherman yelled.

"Well, they only had three days of rehearsal and this was the only show they were doing."

"I can't believe this," Sherman groaned.

Hobbes and Socrates were staring at the stage as they clapped.

"Well," Socrates commented. "That was anti-climactic."

"Yeah," Hobbes said. "Maybe the water balloons weren't such a bad idea."

Everyone got up from the theater and left.

* * *

Outside Calvin was already out of costume and in the lobby waiting for everyone.

Klein approached him.

"Hey, kid," he said. "Good job up there."

"Thanks, Klein," Calvin grinned. "Do you think this is the start of a new acting career?"

"Heck no," Klein snorted. "See ya."

Calvin looked confused as Klein walked away.

Hobbes and Socrates snuck out of the theater and to his side.

"Not bad, Cally," Socrates commented.

"Yeah, nice to see a ray of talent in an otherwise incredibly stupid play," Hobbes replied.

"Yeah, well, that's the end of my acting, thank you," Calvin replied, sighing.

Finally, Andy came out of the theater, and approached him.

"Hey, Calvin," Andy said. "Congratulations on getting into this play."

"Yeah, thanks," Calvin said. "What did you think about it?"

"It was stupid, there was no plot, the ending was rushed, and they didn't even properly introduce the characters...." Sherman listed.

"Shermie!" Andy scolded.

"No, he's right," Calvin nodded. "I think the writer did some heavy drinking before he started on the script."

"I don't," Sherman said. "I think the writer was recently put in a mental institution before he started on the script."

"Sherman!" Andy said, sternly.

Sherman crossed his arms and began pouting.

"So now what?" Hobbes asked.

"Well," Andy said, looking down at the brochure in his hands. "It says here that there's another play coming up that the people in the first grade class can audition for."

"What is it?" Socrates asked.

"Well, it doesn't give the title, but it's about a guy that hates his job and Perkins and he gets attacked by a herd of talking elk or something along those lines." Andy said.

There was a pause.

"Hey, look, it was written by the same guy who wrote this one!" Andy said, pointing at the page.

"I think I'll survive if I skip that one," Calvin said. "Now for the most fun part of the play! I'm going to go help tear the set apart!"

And with that, Calvin walked past Andy and Sherman and into the theater, an evil look on his face.

Hobbes and Socrates grinned.

"Ooh, ripping stuff apart," Socrates snickered.

"And to do it in a beneficiary way," Hobbes added.

They followed Calvin into the room.

Andy and Sherman paused as they examined the brochure.

"It _did _resemble that of a comedic play," Andy admitted.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Let's just go home. I've got subatomic organisms to clone." He sighed.

That night, Calvin and Hobbes were getting into bed.

"Well, after a night like tonight, I'm bushed," Calvin said.

"Yeah," Hobbes said. "It's been a big day…Phil."

"Shut up."

Hobbes snickered as they slipped under the covers.

"You're sure you won't do the next play?" he continued.

"Positive," Calvin replied. "If I ever do anything related to showbiz ever again, then I'm gonna _write _a play."

"Really? What would your play be about?"

"Oh, I'd do a giant action-packed play with monsters, of course. Probably with dinosaurs."

"Hmmm," Hobbes said, thinking about it.

"And I'd have jet planes too!"

"Huh?"

"Wouldn't that be cool?! Tyrannosaurs in F-14s! That'd be _awesome_!"

There was a pause as they both sat in the dark and considered this.

"Well, _I'd _come see it," Hobbes assured him.

"Thanks, Hobbes. At least _this _play didn't come across as a _complete _rip-off. They let me keep the costume."

"What'll you do with it?"

"Probably save it and put it on display in the museum of my life that'll be built when the world finally realizes how wonderful I am."

Hobbes rolled his eyes. "I'll bet."

**The End**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon **Calvin  
**Tom Hanks **Hobbes / Michael  
**Ryan Stiles **Socrates / Jason  
**Andrew Lawrence **Andy  
**Colin Mochire **Sherman / Ed  
**Dakota Fanning **Susie  
**Mary Jo Cattlet **Miss Wormwood  
**Tom Kenny **Mike Lawrence / Brad Hathaway / Stuart  
**Kevin Murphy **Adam Joshua / Richard Pomelear  
**Robert Klein **Klein  
**Dee Bradley Baker **Various voice work

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Pug


	17. The Spirit Room

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**The Spirit Room****  
**

It was nearly Halloween.

Everyone was getting ready for the occasion. Houses all over the street were being decorated in orange and black streamers, inflatable pumpkins, and plastic bats hanging from tree branches.

In Calvin and Hobbes' house, Mom and Dad were sitting in the kitchen, reading the newspapers and drinking coffee. They were enjoying a strangely peaceful afternoon. They weren't going to ask questions. They were going to enjoy it while it lasted.

This could not last, however, because a strange smell wafted up and into their nostrils. Their nostrils inflated as they took in the unappealing odor.

"Phoo!" Dad said, waving in front his nose rapidly. "What's that stench?"

"It smells like…_garlic_!" Mom said, almost gagging as she sniffed at it.

Their eyes narrowed as they looked over their shoulders.

"Calvin…," they hissed.

They through their papers down, put their mugs aside, pushed their chairs out and headed for the stairs, both prepared for the worst.

But just as they were about to start onto the first step, they noticed Calvin coming towards them with an angry expression.

"Mom, what's that _smell_?!" he demanded. "It smells like latex boots that have been left in the sun too long!"

Mom and Dad exchanged glances in confusion.

"You mean…," Dad said slowly, "…you mean, you don't know what that smell is?"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Dad, I honestly don't have the patience for a smell like this," he grumbled. "I'd prefer you do something about this. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got things to do."

And Calvin charged up the stairs to his room.

Mom and Dad exchanged glances.

"So…if it's not _him_," Mom said slowly, "then what's making that garlicky smell?"

Dad shrugged. "I'll check the garbage disposal."

"I'll check the garage."

They went their separate ways into the house.

Calvin watched them from the top of the stairs for a while, and then he turned and went back into his room.

When he got there, he found himself up to his armpits in piles of garlic.

"Okay," he said, glaring at the giant pile. "I've diverted their attention away from us. That should buy us some time until at least November 1st."

There was a rustling from under the piles of garlic, and Hobbes suddenly emerged. He was wearing a necklace made of garlic around his neck, and he wearing garlic around his wrists, ankles and head like sweatbands. He was holding the Mini-Duplicator in his hand.

"Good, good," he said, overseeing his handiwork. "Hmmm… Do you think it's enough?"

"I think it's insane," Calvin said.

Hobbes seemed to ignore him. He reached into the pile and pulled out a sprig of garlic, and he promptly began to eat it, much to Calvin's disgust.

"Hobbes, I didn't think tigers ate garlic."

"We don't."

"Then why are you eating it?"

"We've been over this."

Calvin sighed, and then he started to look around his room.

"Hey, where's MTM?" he asked.

"OI!" a muffled voice shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

"MTM?" Calvin asked. "Where are you?"

"Calvin!" MTM shouted. "Stay alive. No matter what occurs, I will find you!"

Suddenly, a robotic arm shot out of the garlic and began to thrash about, waving Calvin over.

"Oh for Pete's sake, Hobbes!" Calvin grumbled, struggling over to grab the hand. "This is getting out of hand!"

"Send my love to mother!" MTM continued yelling.

"I'm sorry, but I have to insist," Hobbes said. "I've had enough trouble with ghosts, and after last year, I'm taking no chances!"

Calvin managed to pull MTM out of the garlic.

"Hobbes, that ghost from last year wasn't the same ghost! That ghost was some guy who wouldn't pay up his debts! He was haunting _Socrates_, not _us_! I'd say our house is ghost free."

"How do you know?" Hobbes retorted. "Just because we don't _see _them, it doesn't mean they're not there."

"Hobbes, we established already that ghosts can't hurt you. They just scare you."

"It's enough for me."

"Frankly," MTM said, "I think you need to find a new way to fend off the ghosts. Preferably a way that doesn't embed a horrid stench into the carpet."

"Agreed," Calvin nodded.

"Don't worry. I've got a Plan B. If the garlic doesn't work, I pull out the silver."

"What silver? We don't have any silver."

"Oh no?"

Hobbes whipped out a coin.

Calvin looked at it closer.

"Hobbes, that's a quarter," he said, his eyebrows leveling out over his skeptical eyes.

"It's made of silver!" Hobbes said defiantly.

"It's still just a quarter," MTM said.

"We'll soon find out how powerful it is, won't we?"

"No, we won't," Calvin sighed, rolling his eyes. "Come on. We're going to Socrates' house for another game of Poker."

"Are you sure?" Hobbes asked.

"I'm pretty sure. He invited us."

"No, I mean, are you sure you want to go?"

"Hey, I've found plenty of paperclips. And we can probably unload some of this garlic too."

Hobbes growled at him.

"Fine, fine. I'll just grab things out of the hypercube. Come on, guys. They're waiting for us."

Hobbes nodded, and Calvin put MTM in his pocket. They crawled out of the room and spilled out into the hallway with the garlic. Glaring at Hobbes, Calvin led him downstairs.

Mom and Dad were just regrouping at the bottom of the stairs when Calvin came past carrying his tiger on his shoulder.

"Hey, Mom and Dad, we're going down to Socrates' house for awhile. We'll be back before supper," he said, not even looking up at them as he crossed to the door.

"Okay," Mom said, also taking no notice of him.

Calvin and Hobbes left the house and started up the street.

Mom looked up at Dad.

"You don't suppose we've got some sort of mold underneath one of the sinks?" she asked.

Dad looked over into the kitchen. "Guess we'll have to check. I'll go get a magnifying glass," he said.

"I'll get a book so we can identify it."

And they set to work.

As Mom went into the living room, she saw a white ring on the floor.

"Dear, why is there a circle of salt on the floor?" she asked.

Calvin and Hobbes arrived at the giant mansion that served as a home to Socrates. They opened the giant wooden double doors and wandered inside.

They walked around the house until they found the pool room. Amongst the pub games and the pool tables, they saw a small card table in center with a hanging light dangling over it.

Seated around it were Socrates, Andy and Sherman.

Socrates was shuffling the cards. Andy was wearing a green eyeshade and had a chocolate cigar in his mouth. Sherman was wearing a tiny pair of sunglasses.

"We're here," Calvin said, heading for a chair next to Andy.

They looked up and saw them.

They could only stare at Hobbes.

Hobbes was still covered from head to toe in garlic.

"New look, Hobbo?" Socrates asked, smirking.

"This is the ultimate defense systems against ghosts," Hobbes retorted, totally serious.

"What, did just walking through them prove to be too easy?" Andy asked.

Hobbes glared while the others snickered.

"Laugh if you will. We'll see if you're laughing by Halloween."

"I'm sure we will," Sherman said, taking a bite of popcorn. "Are we ready to play?"

Calvin took MTM out of his pocket and sat him down on the table. Socrates picked him up and put him down between him and Sherman.

Everyone took out their loot and put it out on the table.

"Okay, let's play some really lousy Poker!" Socrates announced.

He started to flick cards around the table to everyone. Everyone picked up the cards.

Sherman managed to pick up his giant cards and put them into a fan.

MTM extended his robot arms and picked up his cards.

Just before Hobbes looked at his cards, however, he reached into the hypercube and pulled out a salt shaker.

"What the heck is _that _for?" Socrates asked.

Hobbes didn't answer. He simply poured salt into his hand and started sprinkle it in a circler around his chair.

"Hobbes, you're getting salt on my floor!" Socrates exclaimed indignantly.

"You'll thank me later," Hobbes replied.

"Yes, I will, once you've _cleaned it up_!"

Hobbes ignored him and finished his circle. He put the salt shaker aside and finally looked at his cards.

Everyone sat in silence as they determined their strategies.

Soon, they were tossing various objects into the middle of the table.

"Okay, I'm in," Andy said.

"Me, too," said Socrates.

"I'm in," Calvin said.

"Ditto," MTM said.

As they started to get into the game, however, they heard a faint buzzing sound.

They all looked up and saw that fly was buzzing in rather low, circling around them.

Calvin swatted it at it angrily, but the fly continued to buzz around them.

Everyone tried not to let one fly bother them, but they finally started to get annoyed by it.

After a minute of buzzing, the fly finally landed on one of Hobbes' garlic bulbs.

Hobbes glared at it and swatted at it.

"Hobbes, might I suggest you take the garlic off for awhile?" Sherman asked.

"Make me, Vermin," Hobbes growled.

The fly wouldn't leave him alone.

"Just forget it. Let's play," he insisted, glaring determinedly at his cards.

The others rolled their eyes and resumed the game.

"Okay," Socrates said. "Calvin, I'll see your two paperclips, and raise you a demeaning errand of your choice." He tossed a scrap of paper into the pile to represent his bet.

"I'll see your demeaning errand and raise you a humiliating stunt in a crowded area," said Andy, putting in his own scrap of paper.

"One conspicuous nose-pick in front of a pretty girl, and I call," MTM said, putting in his own scrap of paper.

Just because they didn't bet money didn't mean the stakes weren't high.

Then a smell began to enter their nostrils.

Everyone sniffed at the room before all eyes finally directed at Hobbes.

Hobbes became aware of several eyes boring into his skull. He looked up.

"What?" he asked.

"Hobbes, the garlic is going bad," Andy grumbled.

"It's a right pong," MTM added. "Toss 'em."

"I can't. It's a safety precaution," Hobbes replied, not looking up.

"Hobbes, we can't concentrate. That smell is awful!" Calvin said.

"Tough."

Socrates sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Okay, Hobbo, I've honestly been trying to be supportive of this insane need to feel safe every single waking moment of the day. I really have. But seriously, you're beginning to get on even _my_ nerves, and let's face it: I'm _me_!"

Hobbes glared at him.

"Just ante-up," he grumbled, glaring back at his cards.

Socrates sighed and the game continued.

"Okay," Calvin said, tossing a piece of paper into the center of the table. "I bet my fourth-born son."

"One kidney," Andy said.

"Future girlfriend," MTM said.

Everyone stared at him.

"Oi, it could happen!" he snorted.

Everyone shrugged and went back to the game.

"This game is starting to take a serious turn," Sherman commented.

"Much like the garlic," Andy added, glaring up at Hobbes.

Hobbes sighed and threw his cards down.

"Fine!" he snapped. "I'll do something about it."

And he took a big bite out of a garlic bulb.

Everyone stared at him, practically on the verge of gagging.

"Hobbes, that can _not _taste good," Sherman said, feeling his tiny stomach churning at the very sight of it.

"I'm taking every chance I can!" Hobbes said, still chomping through the garlic. "No ghost is going to get me!"

Everyone sighed and looked away.

There was a pause, and finally, Hobbes managed to swallow.

He sat there, making a series of funny faces.

"You okay?" Calvin dared to ask.

Finally, Hobbes got up from his seat.

"Excuse me, I have to go drink out of the toilet," he said, trying to keep his tongue out of his mouth.

And with that, he fled the room.

Everyone sighed and went back to betting.

That evening, everyone who didn't live there exited the mansion.

Socrates went to the doors to see them off. He was wearing a pair of boxers on his head and had a bowling pin tucked under his arm.

"Good game, everyone," he said. "See you all tomorrow."

Andy and Sherman left first. Andy was wearing a snorkel, swimming goggles and an inner-tube. Sherman was wearing a big red bow and tiny angel wings, with bright red lipstick.

"Later, Socrates," Andy said, nodding at him.

"Goodnight," Sherman added.

Calvin and Hobbes exited next. Calvin was wearing a tutu and had three rubber darts coming off of his back. Hobbes was wearing a Dr Seuss hat and a bright red cape, and he was still covered in garlic.

"See ya, Socrates," Calvin said.

"Bye," said Hobbes.

Socrates nodded. "See you all tomorrow." And he went back inside, shutting the doors.

Calvin and Hobbes walked down the sidewalk towards their house.

"So," Calvin said. "What do you wanna do when we get home?"

"Oh, there're still a few more things I wanna try before bedtime. And you?"

"Well, Galaxoid and Nebular told me about this great TV show that runs on a channel in their universe, so I thought I'd give it a try with MTM. We're going to try and get the signals tonight."

"Sounds interesting," Hobbes commented.

"Oh, not as interesting as playing Poker with you guys," MTM said from Calvin's pocket.

Calvin sighed and pulled MTM out of his pocket.

The red CD player was wearing a diaper.

"I don't see what you're so annoyed about," Calvin said. "I think you might've broken even."

"Might've?" MTM asked.

"The way we bet makes it kind of hard to tell sometimes," Hobbes explained.

MTM snorted. "One of these days, when we all get jobs, we need to start betting with money," he said.

Calvin sighed.

They arrived at their house and went down the walk towards their door. They hopped up the steps and entered the house.

"We're home!" Calvin called, lugging Hobbes over his shoulder.

Mom came downstairs.

"Calvin, I don't suppose you'd know why we've been finding rings of salt around the chairs, would you?" she asked.

Calvin glared at the stuffed tiger on his shoulder before looking at Mom.

"It's supposed to be a precaution against ghosts, Mom," he explained.

"Ghosts?" Mom asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Hobbes and I saw it on the Sci-Fi channel. Apparently if you put a ring of salt around yourself, the ghosts can't get you."

Mom sighed.

"Calvin, there're no such things as ghosts," she said sternly. "Now I want you to clean up the salt."

"Yes, Mom."

Then, for good measure, he sniffed the air.

"Ugh, that smell still here?" he asked, pulling a face.

Mom sighed again.

"Yes, we can't find the problem."

"Have you checked the air ducts? Maybe there's something growing in there."

And with that, he walked upstairs.

Mom began to consider this.

Then she watched Calvin go upstairs. She stared in disbelief.

Was Hobbes wearing fishnet stockings?

Later on, Calvin was alone in his room with MTM. They had managed to clear away some of the garlic, and they were now on the bed. Calvin was examining MTM with a magnifying glass.

"Okay…," he said, looking closer. "I think I see the circuit. Let's see what would happen if…"

Calvin slowly connected a screwdriver with the circuit he was looking at.

**_ZAP!_**

"OW!" Calvin shouted as he was slammed into the wall by a volt of electricity. He slid down it and fell on his pillow. Shaking his head, he crawled back over to MTM.

"What'd I do?" he asked.

"You zapped yourself," MTM replied.

Calvin sighed. "I know _that _part. I want to know what _caused _it."

"You put a metal screwdriver on a working circuit."

Calvin sighed to himself.

Hobbes came into the room holding a shop-vac. He tossed it onto the bed.

"Finished," he grumbled. "Happy?"

"If Mom's happy, I'll be happy," Calvin replied, picking up the screwdriver again.

"How's it coming?"

"Slowly. I can't get a lock on the transmissions."

Hobbes shrugged. "Well, I'm going down to see Sherman."

"What for?"

"He said he might be able to help me with my ghost problem."

Calvin suppressed a smirk. "Yeah, most likely he's going to bang you on the head, but whatever."

"Hey, I'll take what I can get."

"You're going to get a headache."

"We'll soon see."

And with that, Hobbes left the room.

Calvin returned to the task at hand.

"Okay," he said. "Let's take a gander at this."

He took the magnifying glass to the circuitry again, and then he smirked.

"Okay, I think I see the correct wires. The red ones are the transmission circuits, right?"

"Yep. They also handle FM Radio."

"Good. Now we just need to enhance them and get a hold on the transmission from Annkor. Any suggestions?"

MTM thought about that.

"Well," he said at last, "we could use the interdimensional power from my hypercube to increase my power and to pick up the radio waves."

Calvin stared. "Will that work?"

"It's worth a shot. Hang about. I've got it in hand."

There was a pause, and MTM revved and started up. He started to glow a hot white, and then he slowed down.

"There. It's done."

Calvin was hesitant. "You're, uh… You're sure?" he asked timidly.

"Yep. Give it a go."

"You're sure? Because it seems as though every time I try to do something with you, you tend to have an accident and I end up suffering the consequences."

"Oh, ye of little faith. Just hit the PLAY button. It'll be alright."

Calvin still hesitated, but he finally reached forward and pressed the PLAY button.

The MTM made a sound that sounded like a computer revving as it was being turned on.

For the briefest of nanoseconds, Calvin was able to fool himself into thinking that the plan was working.

Reality gave him a cold slap in the face.

"Emergency. Emergency," MTM announced.

"What is it?" Calvin asked as he squinted his eyes shut.

"There's an emergency going on."

"I know. What _is _the emergency?"

"There was too much interdimensional power in the hypercube. I'm overloading."

At this point in his life, Calvin was so used to life-threatening disasters that he found it disturbingly difficult to fear for his threatened life.

"What are we going to do?" he asked, sounding a bit bored actually.

"Well, we could hitting the REWIND button. That might reverse the process."

"MTM, I thought none of your CD buttons did what they were labeled."

"It's worth a try."

Calvin sighed and reached out to touch the MTM's REWIND button. He pressed it.

**_KAZAP-KAPOW!_**

Calvin was immediately struck by a volt of electricity that threw him across the room once again, and he slid down the wall and landed softly on his pillow, slowly losing consciousness.

The last thing he heard before nodding off was MTM saying, "Well, that's sussed it."

A while later, Calvin managed to wake up.

"Wha… What happened?" he asked groggily.

As he struggled to get his bearings back, Calvin looked up.

He was certain he could see a dark figure standing next to him.

Struggling to clear his vision, he saw that the figure was in fact a young boy. He was a pale boy. He looked to be wearing clown makeup. His lips were a very black color. He was wearing a black suit. His eyes were surrounded by heavy black eyeliner.

Calvin knew that most children don't go for the Goth appearance until middle school, so he figured something weird was going on.

Managing to get himself back to normal, Calvin struggled to get up and look the boy in the face.

The boy's eyes were holding absolutely no emotion.

Calvin scrunched up his face. "Who are you?" he asked. He figured it was entirely valid question. He'd never seen the boy before.

The boy didn't answer. He just looked at Calvin emotionlessly.

Calvin felt very creeped out by this.

"Erm, what can I do for you?" he asked carefully.

Then he noticed that MTM was nearby. He had been switched off.

"Did you turn off MTM?" he asked, trying his hardest to be friendly to this complete stranger.

The boy didn't answer.

Calvin squinted his eyes quizzically. "How did you get in here?" he asked.

This time, the boy did something. He backed away from Calvin, turned to his right, and exited out the door.

Staring at him, Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Okay, you came in through the door. I guess that was obvious."

The boy didn't reply. In fact, he didn't even come back.

Calvin, still unsure of his visitor, got off the bed and ran out of his room, looking around for the boy. He didn't see him anywhere.

Instead, he saw Hobbes coming up the stairs. He was carrying a very strange-looking plant, but Calvin didn't care much about that for now.

"Hobbes?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Did you see someone on your way up the stairs?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"No, should I have?"

"I think so. I saw some kid after I regained consciousness."

"Why were you unconscious?" Hobbes asked before raising his free paw. "Actually, you know what? I don't want to know. What did this kid look like?"

"Probably about my age. He was really pale and was all black. He looked like a character from a Roger Corman movie."

"Completely expressionless and a bit depressing?"

"Along with a healthy dose of clichés."

Hobbes thought about it.

"No, I'm pretty sure I didn't see him. I'd remember someone like that," he said at last.

Calvin stared at him for a moment, and then nodded in acceptance.

"Huh," he said. "I must've been hallucinating from being unconscious."

"Again, I don't want to know."

Just as he was about to enter their bedroom, Calvin stopped him.

"Oh, and Hobbes?"

"Yes?"

"One more thing."

"What's that?"

"What's with the plant?"

Hobbes stared at the plant in his hand.

"Oh, this is from Sherman. He said it'd keep all ghosts away."

"Really? What do you do with it?"

"He said all I had to do was make it into a necklace and I'd be fine."

Calvin smirked. "I'm sure it will. Just don't wear it in bed."

"I plan to keep it looped over the bedpost at night."

"Whatever. Just be careful with it."

Hobbes nodded in understanding and went into the room, closing the door.

Calvin double-checked the hallway before Mom's shrill holler came up the stairs.

"Calvin, it's time for your bath!" she shouted.

Calvin groaned.

"Aw, Mom! I'm not dirty!" he yelled back, heading towards the stairs to shout back down at her.

As the two of them went into a screaming-match, Calvin didn't notice that the closet door was sliding open a bit.

The boy was in the closet, and he was watching Calvin very intently.

* * *

After Calvin had finished his bath, he decided it was time for a session of watching the television.

Coming down the stairs, Calvin suddenly became aware of another ring of salt at the base of the stairs.

"Oh for crying out... HOBBES!!" Calvin spun around, and glared at towards the top of the stairs.

Just in time to see a dark figure duck into the bathroom.

Calvin paused.

"Hobbes, is that you?" He asked, somewhat creeped out.

No reply.

Calvin stared at the open bathroom door for a moment, shrugged, and continued down to the TV.

He switched it on, and sat down on the couch.

The TV was already on the Scifi channel, and Hobbes was recording an episode of Ghost Hunters.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and picked up the remote.

He stopped the recording and changed it over to a Looney Tunes cartoon. This went on for some time, until suddenly, Dad came walking up.

"Hey, Calvin, I'm going on a walk!"

"Good for you," Calvin replied, not looking away from the TV.

"Want to come with me?" He asked, excitedly.

"Not really." Calvin replied.

"Too bad, come on. You need to get out once in a while," Dad said.

"I'm going to be walking all evening tomorrow night, Dad," Calvin groaned. "I don't need to be going on any walks, tonight!"

* * *

A few minutes later, Calvin was walking along side his father on the road, grumbling to himself.

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it, Calvin?" Dad sighed.

"Hmph!" Calvin grunted.

"I love this time of year. The trees are turning into these lovely colors it's not so cold or hot that you can't stand it. Aaah."

Dad looked around him happily at the trees around him.

"Hey, look at all the colors on that tree!" Dad grinned.

Calvin casually looked up.

"YAAAUGH!!" He shouted, falling backwards in terror.

From the tree limb that Dad was pointing at, there was a man in pilgrim's clothing hanging from it, limply, from a rope. His eyes were open and he was staring right at Calvin and Dad.

"I know! That's how I feel!" Dad exclaimed, obviously mistaking Calvin's reaction. "Yellow, red, orange... Isn't it just beautiful?!"

Calvin jumped off the ground, and looked at the tree again.

The man was gone.

There was a moment of silence.

Dad looked over at Calvin.

"Well, if you're going to be like that, fine. I won't comment on the trees, anymore," He said, rather offended at Calvin's silence.

Calvin stared at his father in disbelief.

"Didn't you see the....." He paused, wondering if he should tell his father what he had saw. Deciding against it.

"I don't know why I even considered telling him. This guy never notices anything," Calvin grumbled under as his breath as the walk continued.

Seeing how he has dealt with planets nearly exploding, time travel, alien dictators and lunatic scientists and technology the human race can't even dream of seeing for another million years, Calvin wasn't that shaken from his encounter. It was however, everything he thought about for the rest of the walk.

Upon passing the tree, again on the way back Calvin was watching it, suspiciously. Dad rolled his eyes at Calvin weariness at the tree.

Calvin walked into the house, and hung his coat up.

Approaching the livingroom, he suddenly heard something.

He tilted his head and listened.

It was a smacking kind of kissing sound. It almost sounded like someone was drowning in their saliva. A truly disgusting sound.

Calvin looked around, trying to find the source of the noise.

"Hobbes, is that you?" He said, quietly, following the noise into the livingroom.

He looked around.

The livingroom was deserted and the noise had moved into the kitchen.

Calvin walked cautiously into the kitchen.

He looked around.

The kitchen was also empty. But there was still a sound emitting from it.

Calvin entered, looking around, fearfully.

Suddenly, the sound seemed to shift and it started coming from the livingroom again.

Calvin stopped.

He looked off towards the livingroom.

"Hobbes?" He said, so quietly, that Hobbes wouldn't have heard even it was him.

The boy walked back into the livingroom.

As soon as Calvin entered the livingroom, the sound started coming from the laundry room, where Calvin had just been.

Calvin, now desperate, rushed towards the laundry room.

**_SLAM!!_**

Calvin screeched to a stop.

The door had suddenly opened then slammed itself hard, and the sounds stopped abruptly.

"CALVIN! DON'T SLAM THE DOOR!" Mom called from another room.

Calvin stood in the laundry room, doorway, completely stunned.

He then turned to run away, but instead ran right into Hobbes.

"HEY!!" Calvin yelled, leaping back to a defense position.

There was a tense moment before Calvin realized who he had run into.

"Oh... Hobbes. It's just you," Calvin sighed, wiping some sweat from his brow.

Hobbes did not look good.

He was scratching himself hard all over his neck and arms, glaring at Calvin.

"Calvin, do you know what that stupid little rat gave me?!" He growled, dangerously.

"I couldn't imagine," Calvin said, innocently.

"It was poison ivy!"

"Whoa!" Calvin said, trying to act surprised. "Why would he do that?"

"Because he's a two-timing, rotten, little son of a couple of morons!"

"Uh huh," Calvin said, rolling his eyes. "Well the rash should wear off, soon. Say, Hobbes, did you by any chance just hear something?"

"No, why?" Hobbes asked, scratching arm, hard.

"Oh, no reason, I just thought I heard someone trying to gargle their saliva and doing a very poor job of it."

"Huh," Hobbes said. "No, I didn't hear anything. I would remember a sound like that."

Calvin stared at Hobbes for a moment, then looked down at his paw.

"Hobbes. What is that?" He sighed, pointing at Hobbes' hands.

Hobbes looked down.

"Oh, it's a bunch of sage that I've tied up in a bundle."

"Why are you carrying it around with you?" Calvin sighed.

"It's supposed to ward off evil spirits." Hobbes replied.

There was a short pause.

"I thought it only warded off evil spirits if you burned it," Calvin said.

There was another pause.

"I'll be right back," Hobbes said, running off.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

He started towards his stairs to go up to his room.

Suddenly, Calvin felt a force run into him like a freight train.

"YIKES!" He yelped as he was thrown against the wall.

**_CRASH!_**

"CALVIN! QUIT BANGING AROUND!" Mom called.

Calvin rolled onto his back on the wall, and stared straight ahead with terror.

The young boy that he had saw earlier was standing in the dark closet doorway, staring at him, expressionlessly. Most of his face was in shadow. He tilted his head slowly and stared, transfixed at Calvin like a cat eying a mouse.

Calvin was too terrified to even move.

After a tense moment, the boy was swallowed up by the darkness of the closet and disappeared from sight.

It was then that Hobbes chose to reenter the scene, carrying the smoking bundle of sage with him, also chewing on a banana.

"Hey, Calvin," He said, cheerfully. "Is something amiss?"

Calvin stared at Hobbes in disbelief.

"Yes, there's something amiss!" He shouted. "Didn't you see the boy standing in the closet?!"

Hobbes looked over at the closet.

"Calvin, the closet isn't even open." He said, turning back to his companion.

Calvin looked back at the closet. His mouth suddenly went dry.

The door was now closed.

* * *

MTM was sleeping soundly on Calvin's desk. Suddenly, the door burst open and Calvin came running in.

"MTM! Wake up! Wake up! We have a urgent matter on our hands!" He yelled, frantically.

"Huh, wha...?" MTM yawned. "Oh, did you wake up, Calvin?"

"Never mind that!" Calvin groaned. "We have an emergency on our hands!"

"Sure, what else is new in the household? Have we figured out how to talk with people on the telly, yet?"

"MTM I need you to do a scan for all living organisms in this house!!" Calvin yelled as Hobbes walked in.

"Oh come now, you want me to count the dust mites and amoebas?" MTM croaked.

"No! I mean the organisms that we can see!" Calvin yelled, impatiently.

"Very well. Let me do a quick head count." MTM said. There was a pause. "Seven."

There was a pause.

"Seven?" Calvin demanded.

"Yes, seven." MTM said. "You, Hobbes, your parents and about three spiders. There's actually more than that, but I stopped counting them there, because I thought you wouldn't be interested."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"OK, I want you to do a little more complicated of a scan, MTM," Calvin said. "Scan for any kind of living energy besides the spiders"

"Very well." MTM said. There was another pause.

"Twelve thousand sixteen hundred fourteen" He said, finally.

Silence meet these words.

"Twelve thousand... What?" Hobbes asked.

"Are you sure you didn't miscount, MTM?" Calvin asked.

"Right, I somehow screwed up and said twelve thousand sixteen hundred fourteen instead of four. Makes perfect sense, Calvin," MTM sighed.

"Almost thirteen thousand..." Hobbes started. "What does that supposed to mean?"

Calvin didn't reply for a moment. He was staring off into space, quietly. Finally, he spoke.

"Hobbes, most people have the irrational fear that they're being watched. But they're wrong. Because it's not irrational."

There was a pause.

"What?" Hobbes asked, finally.

Calvin glared at him.

"You really need to start listening," He said, bitterly. "Come on, we're going to Sherman."

"Why?!" Hobbes demanded. "You're not even telling me what's wrong!!"

"I think it's truly amazing that you haven't figure it out, yet, Hobbes," Calvin sighed, picking the MTM up. "There are people wandering around my house that only I can see, There are sounds that only I can hear, I've just been electrocuted by the MTM, and Halloween is coming up. It's not that hard to figure out! MTM, to Sherman's!"

"Certainly, master," MTM said.

"Don't you give me that! You're the cause of all this!" Calvin snapped.

**_BRA-ZAAP!!_**

There was a blast of electricity and Calvin and Hobbes vanished.

* * *

"You're seeing ghosts?" Sherman said, skeptically, sitting on the chair was far to large for him in his tiny lab coat. Beside him on the couch was Andy.

"Yes," Calvin said, simply, who was sitting in front of Andy and Sherman in a big lounge chair with Hobbes.

There was a long moment of silence as Sherman looked back and forth between Calvin and Hobbes.

"Ya know, Calvin, I really did picture you as the sensible one." Sherman said.

Calvin blinked.

"You don't believe me?" He asked.

"No, I don't believe you!" Sherman groaned. "You're living in a house with a lunatic who's terrified of ghosts as it is, so how could some of it not rub off on you?"

Calvin looked up above the chair Sherman was sitting in.

There was a man standing over the chair Sherman was in. He was holding a bandaged and bloody arm to his chest, and he was breathing rather hard, staring at Calvin blankly.

"What are you looking at?" Sherman demanded, looking over his chair.

"Hmmm? Oh just the insane ghost that's about to bite your head off." Calvin said.

Hobbes pulled out a salt shaker out of his pocket.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I'll take a look at you. Come down to the lab," He sighed.

"Certainly." Calvin grinned, standing up.

The man watched them expressionlessly as they all stood up and walked down into Sherman's lab.

* * *

Numbers flashed across the computer screen in Sherman's lab, as the tiny hamster typed into his keyboard. Calvin was sitting next to Sherman with several wires running from the computer to his head. Hobbes was standing next to Calvin with a ring of salt around himself and Andy was standing off to the side, waiting for Sherman to order him to do something.

"Andy go get that data print out!" Sherman ordered, as he clicked on PRINT.

"Sure," Andy sighed, walking up to the printer, as it took in a piece of paper.

The boy took the paper and looked over it.

"What are the numbers?" Sherman asked.

"Sherman, the whole paper is just numbers." Andy sighed.

"No, I'm talking about the numbers for Calvin's biological code!" Sherman said, impatiently.

"Well what are those supposed to be?" Andy demanded.

Sherman's eyes rolled into the back of his head. Clearly he thought that this was common sense.

"Just list to me the ones every two numbers," He sighed, turning back to the computer.

Andy sighed, and went to work.

"3, 6, 2, 7, 2, 7, 9, 1, 0, 3, 8, 4, 8 ,4 ,9, 2, 7, 6, 1, 6, 3, 6, 2, 7, 2, 5, 7, 9, 1, 0, 3, 8, 4, 8 ,4 ,9, 2, 7, 6, 1, 6....."

As Sherman began typing the numbers, Calvin began to grow bored. He looked around the lab for something to entertain himself with. He happened to glance at the base of the stairs.

He throat went dry.

It was the boy, again. He was watching Calvin intently, with his wide soulless eyes.

"HEY!!" Calvin screamed, jabbing his finger at the boy. "How dare you interrupt this very important event!"

Hobbes, Sherman and Andy turned and stared at Calvin. From what they could see, he was screaming at the empty staircase.

"I order you to stop following me everywhere! What the heck is wrong with you?! Don't you have anything better to do?!"

The boy remained as still as a statue staring at Calvin.

"Oh, so you have nothing to say about it, huh?" Calvin demanded.

"Calvin," Sherman started.

"There's over six billion people on this planet and you pick me to bother! Did I owe you money in a previous life or something?! I mean come on!"

"Calvin,"

"And what's more you can tell you're little friends to stop bothering me as well! You may not have anything better to do with your time, but I'm a very busy man!"

"Calvin!"

"Hey! Now what are you doing? Don't you walk away! I'm talking to you! You get back here this very instant!"

The boy had suddenly turned around was heading up the stairs out of the lab.

"Don't you ignore me! I went through a lot of trouble to get your attention and you better darn well....." WHACK!!! "OUCH!!"

Calvin spun around to see that Andy had hit him upside the head.

"Thank you, Andy," Sherman said, politely.

"Oh, it was no problem," Andy nodded.

"What did you do that, for?!" Calvin demanded.

"Well mostly because we just wanted you to shut up," Andy said.

Hobbes and Sherman nodded in unison.

"Oh, so that's the kind of friends I have, huh?" Calvin sniffed.

Sherman rolled his eyes and went back to the keyboard.

Minutes passed without an event. Finally Sherman came up with some results.

"Calvin, I don't suppose you know what your blood type is, do you?" Sherman asked, staring at the screen.

"Of course I don't. What the heck am I supposed to do with that knowledge?" Calvin questioned.

"I would suppose not." Sherman said, rolling his eyes. "When did you start noticing the ghosts around you?"

"Right after I woke up from the electrical shock that the MTM gave me." Calvin said. "There was a boy..."

"Yeah, I don't really care," Sherman said, casually. "What caused the MTM to electrocute you?"

"I was trying to pick up some signals from Annkor." Calvin said.

There was a moment of silence.

"OK, ignoring the desire to know why the heck you'd want to do that to begin with, how did that end up electrocuting you?" Sherman asked.

"The MTM was using the interdimensional energy from his hypercube to make the receiving signal stronger." Calvin replied.

There was another pause.

"I don't suppose you've made a connection, yet." Sherman sighed.

"Well, what's wrong with him?" Hobbes asked, before Calvin could begin yelling, again.

"The MTM shocked Calvin with interdimensional energy." Sherman said. "Which in turn adjusted Calvin's brain to start viewing the dimension that's right on top of ours. Which just happens to be ghosts."

"Oh, cool!" Calvin grinned. "So I'm psychic?!"

"No," Sherman said. "It means you're teetering between one dimension and the other."

"So I'm dead?"

"No, you're not dead!" Sherman said, exasperated. "You're brain has absorbed the energy from the nearest dimension to this one. The ghost dimension. Do you get it, now?!"

There was a pause.

"Sort of." Calvin shrugged. "So what do I do about it?"

"There's nothing you can do," Sherman said. "You're just going to have to deal with it until it until it wears off in a couple days."

"Oh, great," Calvin sighed.

"What, we've already established that ghosts can hurt you," Sherman said, shrugging. "It's no big deal, really."

"Well, aside from the fact that one threw me against the wall, earlier, how the heck am I supposed to tell the dead people aside from the living?"

"Oh I don't maybe the dead people are the ones with the heavy black eye liner, colorless skin, missing limbs, and the big bloody gashes on their bodies." Andy said.

"OK, that's just fine and dandy, but what about goths?" Calvin asked. "How do I tell if those little freaks are real or not?"

Andy and Sherman stared at Calvin. In the four years they had known him, neither one had ever known Calvin to have had a problem with ever talking to or even seeing a gothic person. They didn't even think they're were goths in his school.

"Get out of here, Calvin," Sherman said, near exhaustion from explaining things to him.

"But what about..."

"OUT!!!" Sherman ordered, pointing at the door.

"Fine! We're going!" Calvin yelled, getting off his chair. "Come on, Hobbes, we're obviously not welcome here, anymore."

Sherman's head fell to his chest.

Calvin turned towards the doorway.

His eyes burst open in shock.

There was the boy, again. This time he was standing over by Sherman's work desk where there were test tubes standing up.

The boy looked at Calvin and then at the test tubes.

He held up his death white hand, and shoved over the first test tube.

This tube in turn hit the second, which hit the third, which created a domino effect, causing all of the test tubes to fall over.

"HEY!!" Sherman yelled, horrified.

He leaped from the chair, and onto the desk, grabbing the test tubes as they fell.

By some miracle, Sherman managed to grab them all before anything spilled, and set them back up on the stand.

"What the heck was that?!" Sherman gasped, desperately, looking around for the cause of the disturbance.

The boy stared at Sherman blankly for a moment, then turned and disappeared into the shadows.

Calvin opened his mouth to speak, but then stopped.

He looked up at Hobbes.

He was still standing in his little salt ring.

Not wanting to freak Hobbes out even more by telling them that ghosts could touch solid objects, Calvin decided to say nothing.

He and Hobbes said their goodbyes to Andy and Sherman, and left their house.

* * *

"Well, Hobbes, what do you suggest I do?" Calvin said, absent mindedly, as they left the house.

Hobbes thought about it for a moment.

"I suggest you start eating more garlic and carrying salt shakers and sage bundles around with you." He said, finally.

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind, Hobbes," Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, the good news is that now that you can see ghosts, you can tell me when they're getting ready to attack me and I can take defensive measures!"

"Yeah.... that's not going to happen, Hobbes," Calvin said.

"Oh, really, why?" Hobbes demanded.

"Because I have never heard of a ghost physically attacking someone for no good reason in real life," Calvin replied.

At that moment, a woman with a big bag of groceries in each hand appeared around a corner, walking towards Calvin and Hobbes.

For a moment, Calvin took no notice of her. Then he caught more movement from the corner of his eye.

He looked up to see a tall man in a civil war uniform with messy black hair limping towards her. His eyes were wide and expressionless and he missing his left arm.

The man walked up a few feet in front of Calvin and Hobbes.

He threw a glance at Calvin, then laid down on the sidewalk in front of the woman.

Calvin stared at him, trying to figure out what he was doing.

Then the woman carrying the groceries reached him.

"WHOA!!!"

_**CRASH!!!**_

Calvin and Hobbes came to a dead stop, and helplessly watched as the woman tripped over the man, dropping all of the groceries in the process.

Then, without missing a beat, the man stood back up, and disappeared behind a corner.

There was a moment of silence as Calvin and Hobbes stared at the woman trying to regain herself and locate what she had tripped on.

"Well," Hobbes finally said. "That was weird. Now, where were we?"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

* * *

"I checked up in the attic, and there is nothing there that remotely smells like garlic!" Dad said, climbing down the stairs into the living room. "Did you look in the sink?"

"Yes," Mom said, who was checking under the couch. "There's nothing in the pipes. Do you think it might be in the air ducts?"

"I don't know," Dad said, looking at the vent below the ceiling. "I'll get the screwdriver and check."

Dad rushed into the kitchen.

There was a pause.

"Honey, did you spill some salt on the floor?" Dad called.

Mom sighed.

* * *

"So, Hobbes, I think I have this whole ghost thing figured out." Calvin said as he and Hobbes walked down the sidewalk. "Have you ever had something happen to you and you just couldn't explain it?"

"Oh, yeah, sure." Hobbes nodded. "Lots of times. Like once I was..."

"That's great, Hobbes," Calvin cut him off. "Anyway, my theory is that whenever something like that happens, it must be a ghost at work. I'm guessing their envious of the living, so they're making life hard for us."

"Huh," Hobbes said.

"I've also noticed that some people seem to have a particular ghost following them." Calvin said, distantly. "It's quite interesting."

"Do I have a ghost following me?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin looked over his shoulder.

"No, Hobbes, there aren't any ghosts following you,"

There was a moment of silence. Socrates' old two hundred year old mansion came into view.

"Do you think Socrates has any ghosts?" Hobbes asked.

"Now there's a question that's worth investigating!" Calvin grinned. "Let's go see!"

Calvin and Hobbes then turned towards the mansion and made a B-line for it.

* * *

Socrates was, as usual, in the middle of prank constructing. He had a tall pile of blueprints on his bed each one conveying a brand new prank. How he manages to come up with a radically different prank each time he brainstorms I couldn't imagine.

Socrates was doodling on one of the blueprints on his bed, when the doorbell rang.

The tiger looked up, looking rather offended that someone would disturb him.

"Who could that be?" He wondered to himself, jumping off his bed, and trudging over to the elevator in the hallway

As he closed the door behind him, Socrates' bedroom window suddenly opened by itself.

* * *

Socrates walked from his elevator over to the front door.

"Jambo!" he yelled, before he even knew who it was, swinging the front door open.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates blankly for a moment.

"Hello, Socrates," Hobbes said, slowly. "Mind if we came in?"

"Of course not, my fellow living organisms!" Socrates grinned, leaping from the way, to let Calvin and Hobbes in.

"Thanks," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"So, what's on your mind, my friends?!" Socrates asked, grinning like a lunatic, evidently over thrilled to have a visitor.

"Oh, we just found out Calvin can see ghosts, now," Hobbes said.

"That's nice," Socrates grinned. "Hey do you want a raspberry smoothie? I just got a big gallon of it made up!"

"Oh, I suppose," Hobbes shrugged, causing Socrates to wheel around and race into the kitchen"Calvin, you want a smoothie?"

The tiger looked around, to realize that Calvin had not come into the house with him. He was still standing in the doorway. His eyes were wide, and his mouth was hanging open.

"Calvin, you coming in?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin shook his head, slowly, his eyes were locked at the top of the stairs.

Hobbes looked up at the top the stairs.

"What's wrong, Calvin?" Hobbes asked, starting to get a little nervous. "Is there something up there?"

Calvin broke his concentration on the stairs long enough to give Hobbes a disbelieving glare.

"No, I'm just practicing my petrified stare for the heck of it. OF COURSE THERE'S SOMETHING UP THERE YOU HAIRBALL!!!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Alright, fine, what do you see?" Hobbes asked, trying to keep from panicking. Correction. He was trying to keep from just spontaneously disappearing in his blind panic.

Calvin turned his attention away from Hobbes and back to what he was looking at: The entire house was crawling with ghosts.

There was a short man in an old 18th century suit walking down the stairs towards him with a missing arm. There was an African-American woman with blood trickling down her face staggering into the kitchen after Socrates. There was an elderly man in a wheelchair missing his left eye rolling into the livingroom. And so on.

Hobbes stared at Calvin, blankly.

"Well, it can't be that bad if you said ghosts can't hurt you, right?" He said, rather nervously.

Calvin didn't answer. He had become to involved in watching ghosts appear out of nowhere and stagger out of sight, again.

"Socrates has some smoothies made up, you want some?" Hobbes asked, backing away.

"You kidding?" Calvin said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not coming into this house! There's disgusting bodily fluid gushing freaks in there!"

"How many do you see?" Hobbes asked, looking around the house, now near panic.

"I don't know, about seventeen." Calvin said, trying to make a quick estimate of how much he saw.

Hobbes looked at the top of the stairs where Calvin was squinting.

"Do any of them look dangerous?" He asked.

"Of course they all look dangerous. They all look like they want to tear your brain out dip it in frying sauce and eat it!" Calvin said, clearly now trying to scare Hobbes.

"Smoothies are ready!" Socrates announced walking through one of the ghosts back into the room holding three cups of smoothie.

"YIKES!!" Hobbes screamed, bolting out of the house.

Calvin and Socrates watched him rocketing towards his house.

"What's his problem?" Socrates asked.

"Couldn't imagine." Calvin said, turning back to the tiger. "Can I have his smoothie?"

* * *

That night, things didn't get any better.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Calvin," Mom said, kissing him on the cheek and standing up. Heaven knows what Calvin did with all that garlic but he somehow managed to get rid of it all.

"Mom, would you check the bed for monsters before you go?" Calvin asked.

Mom got onto her knees and checked the underside of Calvin's bed.

"Nope. No monsters. You're safe." She said, standing back up.

"Wait a minute," Calvin said. "Turn the light off,"

Mom rolled her eyes and switched Calvin's bedside lamp off.

"Now check!"

Mom got onto her knees and checked under the bed. She couldn't see anything in the dark, but she knew perfectly well that there was nothing under there.

"Nope, there's still no monsters," Mom said, standing back up. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good then, see you tomorrow." Calvin nodded, professionally, pulling the covers up to his head.

Mom rolled her eyes and left.

The lights went out and Calvin's room was plunged into darkness.

"'night Hobbes,"

"Mmmnight.." Hobbes grumbled clearly already half asleep.

Calvin closed his eyes.

_CREEEEAAK!!!_

Calvin's eyes burst back open.

He looked around his room. He didn't see anything of any particular interest.

After a quick inspection, Calvin leaned back and closed his eyes again.

There was a pause.

_CREAAAAAK!!!_

Calvin's eyelids flew open.

This time, he noticed his closet door on the other side of the room. It was slightly ajar, and the inside of pitch black.

Calvin stared at it for a second. Then, he turned and reached for his flashlight on the desk.

He switched it on, and looked back. The closet door was now wide open and on of Calvin's shirts had been knocked off its hanger and was falling to the floor.

Calvin nearly had a heart attack.

He fumbled with his flashlight trying to find what had just walked out of his closet, but his bedroom was empty.

Needless to say, Calvin didn't get much sleep that night.

* * *

The next day was Halloween and everyone was preparing for it. Mostly it was people running to the stores to get more candy for the approaching raid on their houses. All over the neighborhood kids were excitedly preparing for their busy night.

However, things were not getting better for Calvin or Hobbes.

_DING DONG_

Andy walked up to his door and opened it. Behind it was an odd sight.

Calvin was wearing a straw Panama hat with a tan jacket on. Underneath that he had an orange sweater with question marks on it. He was wearing brown trousers and holding a black umbrella that had a red handle in the shape of a question mark.

Hobbes on the other hand was wearing a brown coat with a red tie and a patterned vest. His most distinguishing feature at the moment was a long multi-colored scarf that was dragging behind him.

Andy stared at them for a moment.

"Ready for trick or treating?" he asked, dully.

"You betchya," Calvin said, tapping his staff on the ground twice on 'betchya'.

"Alright. I'll get my Sherman and costume and then we'll head over to Socrates'." Andy said, turning away.

Andy walked towards Sherman's lab.

Suddenly, something caught Calvin's eye to Andy's left. It was another ghost, stepping out of the shadows.

"ANDY! STOP!!!" Calvin screamed, holding a hand up.

Andy froze.

"What?! What?!" He yelled, petrified.

"Andy, I don't want to alarm you, but you are being targeted by a life envious ghost!" Calvin said walking slowly into the house.

"WHAT?!?" Andy screamed, starting to run off.

"Hey wait a minute!" Calvin said, grabbing Andy's shirt. "I said I didn't want to alarm you!"

Andy glared at him.

"Just hold still a moment and I'll get rid of him.

"Wha... What's he... what's he doing?!" Andy asked, to afraid to move.

Calvin squinted a little bit.

This ghost was rather tall, seemed to be balding. He looked like he was from quite recent times, as his clothes seemed to be completely normal. There was a big dark stain on his shirt and he glaring darkly at Andy. His fingers twitching involuntarily.

"He's just sitting there. _Maliciously_!" He said.

"Well, what do I do?" Andy asked.

"Don't move!" Calvin ordered. "Ghosts can sense movement!"

Andy's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

This whole time Hobbes was fumbling around with his huge pockets, and finally fished out a bundle of sage.

"Calvin! I found a sage bush!" He yelled, excitedly.

"Not now, Hobbes, I'm working." Calvin waved Hobbes off.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and ran into the kitchen.

"What does he look like?" Andy asked.

Calvin studied the ghost in front of him, who was clearly trying to limp over to Andy, but having a hard time doing so.

"Uuuh... He's tall." Calvin said. "Kinda tan."

There was a pause.

"How can a ghost be tanned, Calvin?" Andy asked, finally.

"_I_ don't know," Calvin spat. "He just is." He turned back to the wall.

"Who are you and want do you want?" He demanded. "What are you doing at this boy's....? Hey! Now you cut that out! This is really nonprofessional of you. What are you..."

Suddenly, something seemed to push Calvin to the floor and walk towards Andy.

"AAUGH!!" Andy screamed rushing off in the opposite direction.

Calvin jumped back to his feet. "Now that was just downright rude! I order you to come....!"

Suddenly, without warning, the ghost made a detour and disappeared in the shadows.

Then Hobbes arrived, running back into the room with his sage bundle trailing off some smoke.

"What I miss?" He asked, looking around the room.

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes, do you have any idea how ridiculous you look with that sage bundle?" He demanded. "You look like an African Witch Doctor."

Hobbes looked at the bundle in his hand.

"You're just jealous, because you don't have any protection against them." He said stiffly.

Calvin stared at Hobbes for a long moment trying to think of a response for that statement.

"Alright then gang!" Socrates announced to everyone, later on outside of his mansion. "I've mapped out our trick-or-treating route!"

Everyone gathered to hear Socrates' plan.

Andy was now wearing a cream-colored jacket with red lining with a white V-neck cricketing shirt underneath. He was wearing striped trousers and had a stick of celery on the right side of his coat.

Sherman was the most sophisticatedly dressed of them, wearing a black velvet coat with a white ruffled shirt underneath and a purple bow tie. He also had cufflinks.

Socrates on the other hand was wearing a patchwork multi-colored coat that had brightly clashing garish colors. He was wearing a white shirt underneath along with a light blue polka dotted tie. He was also wearing bright yellow trousers with black pinstripes.

"OK, so what we'll do is we'll hit up this first row of houses that I hope to bring down in half an hour." Socrates said, pointing to a map on the ground. "Then we'll swarm out and take these houses here. We'll split into groups of two and take down each house on both sides of the road. Then we'll move out and take down Main Street. After some mild calculations, I figure this will take us about two and half hours if we try to only spend 90 seconds at each house."

"Socrates your plan is a little less complicated then it was last year," Andy said, adjusting his celery.

"Yeah, I know," Socrates sighed. "For some reason, my bedroom window was opened and all of my original plans blew out the window and into the ditch."

"Well what did you leave your window open for?" Calvin demanded.

"I didn't!" Socrates protested. "I always keep that window closed! I don't know how it opened!"

"Let's forget that," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "This actually seems like good plan. If we can manage to spend as little time as possible at each house, we'll have time to get home and sort through all the candy."

"Sounds good!" Andy said. "Let's move out!"

And with that, everyone turned and started towards the first house.

"You know what I think is weird," Calvin said, as they approached the front door.

"What?" Andy asked.

"How is it that parents feel perfectly comfortable with sending their kids out to collect candy from strangers?" Calvin asked.

"Well, because they..." Andy stopped. There was a silence. "I don't know..." He said, finally.

Socrates rolled his eyes and rang the doorbell.

_DING DONG!!_

There was a short pause and then the door opened. There was a woman behind the door holding a bowl of Willy Wonka candy.

"Trick-or-treat!" Everyone said in unison holding their bags up.

"Hey kids!" She said, holding the bowl out for everyone.

Everyone very quickly took a bar from the bowl and added it to their bag.

"Ah, look at that!" The woman said, just noticing the hamster on Andy's shoulder. "Isn't he cute?"

Sherman's head fell to his chest.

As they were walking away from the house, Calvin looked around, quietly.

"You know what?" He said as they walked up the next house.

"What?" Hobbes replied.

"I haven't seen a ghost for a little over an hour, now." Calvin said, reaching for the doorbell. "You think maybe it's worn off?"

_DING DONG!!!_

"Perhaps," Sherman said. "I was..."

Suddenly the door sprang open and a man jumped out at the gang. He was wearing a werewolf mask.

"RAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" He yelled, holding his hands up as claws.

There was a pause.

Everyone stared at the man for a long moment.

"I seem to recall you did this last year," Andy said.

"I think that's even the same mask," Socrates whispered.

"OK, fine," The man sighed, taking his mask off. "I'll go get your candy."

And with that the man trudged back into the house, grumbling to himself.

"Well, that's probably about as scary as this is going to get, don't you think, Ho..." Calvin turned to face Hobbes, who was in the back of the group. He had fainted.

Calvin rolled his eyes and turned back to the group.

Suddenly, another man with messy red hair walked up to the front door. He stared at the kids, quietly.

Calvin watched him for a moment, and then decided to take action.

"Trick-or-treat!" He grinned, holding the bag up.

"Oh, just relax, Calvin," Socrates said. "The man's coming, and we still have thirty five seconds of time left to spend here."

Calvin glared at Socrates.

"No I'm talking to this guy," He said, pointing at the doorway.

There was a pause.

"Who?" Andy asked.

"Him!" Calvin said, turning back to the doorway.

The man was gone.

Instead the other guy ran up, holding a bowl of random candy pieces.

"Alright, kids, here's your actual..."

Suddenly, and for no reason at all, the carpet the man was walking on pushed itself up, causing a small ridge in it.

"WHOAA!!!" _CRASH!!!_

Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched helplessly as their candy, their precious candy, all spilt to the guy's floor.

"Ow! Dang it!" He groaned, laying face down on the ground.

"IS THE CANDY OK?!?" Socrates wailed, jumping into the house, and examining any piece of candy that he could grab off the floor.

"Hey!" a voice called from on the street.

Calvin, Andy, and Sherman looked around.

There a small boy dressed as a dinosaur, maybe about twelve looking into his bag.

"Someone cut a hole into my bag!" He groaned.

There was a pause as the gang watched the unfolding horror.

"Darn," Andy said.

As the gang continued trick-or-treating things got worse.

Ghosts were basically swarming all around Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman and they were pretty much keeping them from getting any candy. People were losing their candy, tripping over rugs, terrible household disasters relating to material objects were occurring and so on.

A little later the gang stopped to count what they managed to get.

"I got a Willy Wonka bar." Calvin said.

"I got a Willy Wonka bar." Hobbes said.

"I got a Willy Wonka bar." Andy said.

"I got a...." Socrates paused for a moment. "Oh, look! I got a Willy Wonka bar!"

"This is ridiculous!" Calvin groaned. "We should be getting way more than this! But with all of these stupid ghosts running around, we can't get more than one house hit up!!"

"Well, looking on the bright side, we'll get a big head start on losing all our holiday weight." Socrates commented, now munching on his Willy Wonka bar.

"I really can not believe this!" Calvin groaned. "This bag should be at least half full by now but we've got these idiotic...."

Suddenly Calvin stopped. His eyes locked on the house next door to where they now stood.

Everyone looked around. Clearly something was going on, because it takes quite a lot for Calvin to just shut up so abruptly.

From what everyone else could see, Calvin was staring into an empty lawn.

From what Calvin could see, the small boy that had been haunting him for the past two days was now standing in said lawn staring at him expressionlessly.

"Andy, there's a boy standing in that lawn there," Calvin said, turning to his friend.

Andy squinted at the lawn.

"I don't see anything," He said.

Calvin glared at him. "Well, then I guess there's nothing there!" He spat, angrily.

Andy rolled his eyes.

Calvin whipped back to the boy.

"And as for you, I've quite enough of your little antics! So if you don't bug off I'm gonna twist you into a pretzel and throw you in a garbage can!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"And what's more I have to get my candy, and your little buddies are ruining it and Hobbes, what the heck are you doing?"

Hobbes had stepped in front of Calvin and was waving a burning stick of sage at the ghost.

"I'm warding the ghost off," Hobbes said.

"Hobbes, that's the stupidest thing you've done since the last stupid thing you did. A burning plant is not going to make a ghost leave! What do you expect them to do? Sniff the air and go 'I smell smoke! It's every man for himself! I gotta get out of here!!' I mean give me a break!"

"I saw this on the Discovery Channel! It's supposed to ward off ghosts!"

"Well, I hate to shatter your quaint little theory Hobbes, but the ghost is still there!"

Hobbes paused. He flicked some ashes off the tip of the sage into the spot where the ghost boy was.

"Is he still there?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin nodded.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates rolled their eyes.

Suddenly, the boy made the first real movement that Calvin saw him doing that day. His head tilted, ever so slightly.

Then, suddenly, his head fell backwards, causing his neck to snap loudly.

"Gah!" Calvin yelled, taking a step back. "He's getting weird on me, now!"

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

There was another pause as the boy stared up at the sky, then, he... just faded away into the darkness.

There was a pause.

Calvin blinked.

"Huh," He said, finally.

"What?" Socrates asked. "What happened?"

"He just vanished." Calvin said. "He stretched a kink out of his neck, and then he disappeared."

There was another pause.

"That's it?" Andy asked.

"Yep," Calvin said. "That's it. He's just gone."

"Huh. Wonder who he was," Sherman wondered.

"Ah, who cares?" Calvin shrugged. "What I want to know, now, is why he left, so dramatically."

All eyes went to Hobbes. He was still holding the sage with him.

"Hobbes, you do know you look like a lunatic with that thing, don't you?" Socrates asked.

"I've been told so, yes," Hobbes nodded.

"Do you have any more?" Andy asked.

"Oh, sure, I have a few more sticks in my pocket." Hobbes said.

There was a pause.

"Why?" He asked.

_DING DONG!!!_

"Whoop, there're some trick-or-treaters!" A young man said, standing up from a couch in his living room.

"Don't try to scare them like you did, last year." His wife called from the kitchen. "They wouldn't stop laughing at you.

The man rolled his eyes, and opened the door.

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were behind it. They were all now carrying a burning stick of sage with them. Andy had replaced his celery with his sage on the costume.

"TRICK-OR-TREAT!" They all said in unison, holding their bags up.

"Hey kids. What's with the sage?" He said, getting a bowl of candy out.

"What? Oh, we're driving off all of the insane raging blood thirsty hell beasts, bent on devouring our brains and using our spinal cords as tooth picks," Calvin said.

Silence filled the land.

"Okay," He said, rather quietly. "Say, you know kids, I haven't had barely anybody come by my house since Halloween started, and I have all this candy I need to get rid of, before the night is over. You don't think your parents would mind if I just split it up and gave it all to you?"

Calvin and Andy's eyes bugged out and their mouths watered as they saw all the different kinds of candy he had with him at the moment.

"Oh, no, they wouldn't mind," Andy said, a lot calmer compared to what his facial expression was doing.

"I'm sure they wouldn't care at all, really." Calvin said, equally calm, nodding.

"Great!" The man grinned, getting his big bowl, and pouring it evenly into Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates' bags.

"Thanks kids! You really saved me, here!" He grinned. "By the way, that's a cute hamster!"

Sherman glared at him.

As soon as the man closed the door behind him, the celebration started.

"We've struck the mother load!!" Calvin shouted, digging through all the candy he had.

"We've collected enough candy at this house to account for seven blocks of houses!" Socrates cheered, also looking through his bag.

"This is wonderful! So what time is it?" Andy asked.

Hobbes checked his watch.

"It's about ten minutes to ten," He said. "We better head on back to the house, now."

"Great, we can begin our accounting of the current supply." Calvin grinned.

"Sounds good!" Sherman nodded.

And with that, the gang set a course out for Calvin's house, Hobbes leaving behind a trail of salt.

That night, Hobbes was up on the roof, still wearing his costume. He was setting fire to the last of his stash of sage. He'd put it all in a black cauldron, and took a lighter to it. He stood back and watched it burn. Then he took out his salt shaker and started to go around the pot, sprinkling a ring of salt to keep the ghosts from getting rid of the burning pot.

Nodding in satisfaction, Hobbes slid down the shingles and in through the bedroom window. He landed on his side of the bed, and promptly began to remove his costume. He unwound the incredibly long scarf.

Calvin entered the room in his normal clothes, but he was still wearing the straw hat and carrying the umbrella like a cane.

Hobbes stared at him as he finished unwinding the scarf and began folding it up for storage. "You love those things too much. You know that, right?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

Calvin stuck his tongue out at him. "Scoff if you will, but I think they give me a more intimidating look," he retorted.

"I'm sorry, but the question mark makes you look like the Riddler."

Calvin got his shoes off and then hung the hat and umbrella off the side of his dresser. He opened the bottom drawer and climbed inside, shutting it. Going up, each drawer pushed out a little before the top one opened and Calvin emerged in his purple polka-dotted pajamas and jumped onto the bed.

Hobbes passed him the scarf, which Calvin tossed neatly onto the top of the dresser.

"Well, Hobbes, despite the mockery you faced, I have to say, your paranoia saved the day," he said, climbing under the covers. "You've warded all the ghosts off from us."

"Yeah," Hobbes agreed, leaning against the window. "I somehow feel that the lesson should've been that paranoia shouldn't get the best of us."

"Well, that's us right there, Hobbes, me ol' buddy," Calvin grinned. "_We _don't play by the rules!"

"True enough. We avoid the old clichés, me ol' partner in crime."

"Correct-a-mundo!"

There was a pause.

"If I ever say that again, whack upside the head, will ya?"

"Sure thing."

"Come on. I'm beat. My sugar rush is wearing off," Calvin said, patting the space next to him.

"Mine too."

Hobbes got under the sheets and snuggled up into his pillow.

"Night, Hobbes."

"Night."

Calvin turned the lamp off and snuggled into his own pillow. Then he felt himself beginning to drift off.

But then he saw someone in his blurred field of vision. He could see the visage of a man with broken glasses and a graying mustache and a comb over. He waved at Calvin before fading away.

A small smile crept across Calvin face as he finally relaxed and fell asleep.

**The End**

**Pamela Segal Adlon **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**  
Ryan Stiles** Socrates**  
Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Colin Mochrie **Sherman**  
Andrew Lawrence** Andy**  
Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom**  
Bill Murray **Dad**  
Dee Bradley Baker / Tom Kenny **Additional voice work

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Pug


	18. Pug

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Pug**

A small yellow planet about the size of Mars hung silently in the cold vacuum of space. Not three hundred thousand miles away was a red super giant, that looked like it was close to going out.

Suddenly, a small red space jet ripped through the peacefulness of the night.

_The incredible Spaceman Spiff is being tracked by an insane lot of Zarkons from the planet N-29!_

Spiff looked over his shoulder, frantically, to see a giant black battle cruiser soaring after him.

_The maddened creatures are attempting to capture Spiff for experimentation and cloning purposes! Our hero engages the hyperdrive and zeroes in on the planet below._

In an attempt to make the Zarkons crash, Spiff's ship darted down to the yellow planet in front of him. The battle cruiser followed him.

Spiff frantically began pushing buttons and flipping switches, knowing he was going to hit the atmosphere in less than ten seconds.

There was a satisfying click that signaled the activation of the heat shields just as he slammed into the atmosphere. The little red space craft jerked to one side and Spiff thought he would control for a moment, but the ship continued flying straight.

The masked space man looked over his shoulder to see the Zarkons were just preparing to hit the atmosphere now.

Spiff maneuvered the ship through several different rock formations and cliffs. He looked over his shoulder and checked behind him.

The aliens were still behind him, and now they had laser cannons out, firing at him.

Suddenly spotting what he was looking for, Spiff did a nose dive into a narrow canyon that the aliens couldn't follow him into.

The Zarkons flew above the canyon and continued firing at him inside.

Spiff jerked the wheel from right to left dodging all the blasts they sent at him.

_Our hero attempts a very dangerous plan for escape!!_

Suddenly, Spiff pulled up out of the canyon and darted towards another rock formation.

The ship followed.

Leaning to one side, Spiff flew the ship through a tiny crack in the rocks. The battle cruiser attempted to followed. Which was its first mistake.

**_CRASH!!! BOOM!!!_**

Several counterparts of the ship went up in flames and it collapsed onto the ground below.

"SUCCESS!!" Spiff cried looking over his shoulder at the smoking remains of the ship. "Take that you slimy space maggots!"

Spiff then turned to prepare to take off. He looked up just in time to see something with teeth jumping forwards into his space jet.

**_CRASH!!!!_**

The creature and the space jet collied in an explosion of sound of bone against metal as the creature clawed and bit at the ship.

"AAAAAAAAUGH!!!" Spiff cried, as the jet careened out of control, and flew off towards the surface of the planet.

The creature bit and clawed at the window apparently trying to get in to Spiff, but suddenly, it leaped off, just as the ship crashed into the planet.

_**FWAM!!!**_

Sirens were wailing inside the cockpit of Spiff's jet, as it slid across the soft surface of the planet and finally crashed nose first into a boulder.

Frantically, Spiff struggled out of his seat belt and opened the cockpit door, crawling out into the humid air of the planet.

_Our hero struggles to escape the wreckage of his space jet. Attempting to determine what had made him crash._

Spiff looked the jet up and down. Whatever had attacked him had scratched the red paint off of the ship, and had torn one of the end tails off.

Spiff peered out over the horizon.

Suddenly, he saw it.

The creature was racing towards Spiff on all fours staring right at him with its beady little eyes, and its tongue hanging out of its mouth.

Spiff drew his Death Ray Blaster and aimed it at the alien.

_Our hero sets his Death Ray Blaster on Medium Well._

Spiff fired the blaster repeatedly at the creature, but it somehow managed to dodge each one.

Suddenly, the alien came to a screeching stop in front of Spiff and began wagging its stub tail, frantically staring at him with the stupidest grin you can imagine.

Spiff stared at it.

Now moving away from Spiff, we join Calvin who was just coming out of his weird fantasy to see what had interrupted him. The barren landscape of the planet transformed into Calvin's backyard, the space jet transformed into a cardboard box, and the insane mutated creature that had just tried to kill Spiff transformed into a stupid looking dog.

Calvin stared at the pug that was sitting in front of him.

"What do you want?" Calvin demanded, glaring at the dog.

The pug stopped panting, and lifted its ears curiously, tilting its head at Calvin.

"Get lost, puppy, I'm very busy right now!" Calvin ordered.

The dog jumped up, and apparently noticing the hint of hostility in his voice, he started barking at Calvin. It was the most unthreatening, annoying bark Calvin had ever heard in his life.

The dog had rose to all four legs and had begun emitting a high pitched "YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP!". And on every "yap", all four legs left the ground.

Calvin stared at the dog, unsure what to think.

This went on for about thirty seconds.

Suddenly, Hobbes came walking up.

They both stared at the dog for a moment.

Hobbes turned to Calvin.

"Say, Calvin, I couldn't help but notice that something's squealing at you," He said, calmly.

"Hobbes, what is this dog doing in our yard?" Calvin demanded.

"I don't know. Maybe he's lost." Hobbes shrugged.

Suddenly, Mom came out the back door.

"Calvin are you being nice to Tug?" She demanded.

"It has a name?!" Calvin demanded.

"Of course it has a name!" Mom said, rolling her eyes. "It's our neighbor's pug. We're watching him until the end of the day."

"Why?!" Calvin demanded.

"They're out of town," Mom said. "We need to keep an eye on him until they get back later tonight."

"No, why are we watching him?!" Calvin moaned.

"Calvin, they asked us to," Mom said. "Now play nice with him."

Calvin looked back and forth between his mother and the possibly insane dog next to him.

"Why does this require cooperation on my part?" He demanded.

Mom rolled her eyes and went back into the house.

Calvin glared after her.

"This is just great!" Calvin groaned. "I can't believe we're watching this thing!"

Hobbes smacked his lips.

"Well, perhaps we should make the best of it," He offered. "Let's just ignore him until nightfall."

Calvin blinked.

"That's a great idea, Hobbes!! Quick! Turn around!" He said, facing his back to the pug.

"What?" Hobbes began. "Why..."

"DO IT!! OUR SANITY IS AT STAKE!!"

Hobbes whipped around and faced away from the dog.

There was a moment of silence.

"Can I move, now?" Hobbes asked.

"No!" Calvin spat.

They held still.

This went on for about a minute.

Calvin slowly looked over his shoulder.

The pug was still sitting there, grinning at him and Hobbes with a vacant expression and his tongue hanging out.

"He's still here! It's not working!!" Calvin groaned.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Look, do you want to go play Calvinball or something? I don't think he'll follow us." He said, stretching a kink out of his back.

"Sure, just move slowly away from it." Calvin said, beginning to back away from the dog, slowly.

Hobbes strolled past Calvin, rolling his eyes.

* * *

A few minutes later, Calvin and Hobbes had set up the Calvinball field and had begun the game.

The pug silently watched them for about a minute before he lost interest and started to walk away.

"Ah ha!" Calvin shouted, in triumph. "You've just ran into the Ice Area! You're area of the field is now frozen for the next five minutes!"

Hobbes paused.

"When did we get an Ice Area?" He questioned.

"About twenty seconds ago," Calvin said. "You are now unable to do anything for the game until your half of the field is unfrozen! That adds an extra five points to my score!"

"Ah, but you my friend, in your triumphant carelessness, have just aimlessly wandered into the Extraction Zone!"

Calvin stared at Hobbes blankly.

"What's an extraction zone?" He asked.

"The zone has now extracted the same amount of flags from your half of the field from your last score and placed them in mine!"

"What?!" Calvin demanded.

"And now that I have five unfrozen flags in my half of the field I can make the action of taking the whole thing out of the Ice Area!"

"That's not fair!" Calvin objected.

Hobbes chuckled and started walking towards the volleyball, that was sitting on the ground a few feet away.

Suddenly, Hobbes stopped.

He looked around.

"Hey, Calvin do you hear something?" He asked, looking around.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"No, I don't!" He said, bitterly. "Why?"

"I hear something." Hobbes strained and listened, harder. "It sounds like a burglar alarm or something. You don't hear it?"

Calvin tilted his head and listened.

"I don't hear any..."

But then, suddenly, he did hear it. Off in the distance, the sound of an alarm going off.

_**Briiiiiiiing!!!! Briiiiiiiing!!!! Briiiiiiiing!!!! Briiiiiiiing!!!! Briiiiiiiing!!!! Briiiiiiiing!!!!**_

Calvin and Hobbes slowly turned around and looked towards the pug had last been.

"HEY!!" Calvin screamed at the top of his lungs. "WHAT ARE YOU!!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! BAD!!"

There, sitting back behind the house, was Tug and he had just dropped the MTM into a hole, and was throwing dirt onto him.

"Emergency. Emergency." MTM said, calmly, which was accompanied with his not so calm intruder alarm. "There's an emergency going on,"

Calvin frantically ran down the hill towards the dog, screaming his head off.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

Calvin reached Tug just as he finished throwing the last of the dirt onto the MTM, whose alarms were now muffled from all the dirt.

Hobbes was walking a little more casually towards the scene of the tragedy, showing some mild interest in what had happened to the MTM.

Tug began wagging his stub tail and panting loudly, evidently over thrilled that Calvin was back.

Calvin ignored the dog, and frantically began digging with his hands to reach the priceless CD player.

Finally, after about thirty seconds of throwing dirt over his shoulder, Calvin unearthed the tiny machine.

"MTM!!" Calvin exclaimed, ripping the MTM out of the dirt and clutching it to his chest. "SAY SOMETHING!!!"

"Well, I didn't really have anything prepared." MTM said. "Anything in particular you'd like to hear?"

Calvin nearly fainted from relief.

"You're... you're not dead!!" Calvin gasped, trying to catch his breath.

"Of course I'm not," MTM rolled his eyes. "I'm a machine, and I have a durable hardware exterior that protects me from any foreign obstruction. You only installed that onto me a couple days ago,"

Calvin paused.

"I just dug you out, MTM. Your welcome!" He said, finally, glaring at the CD player.

Suddenly, Tug started panting heavier and began whining.

"Oh what do you want?!" Calvin griped, swinging around to the dog.

"I think he's thirsty," Hobbes said, who had just arrived.

Calvin glared at the dog.

"Fine, there's a stream of clean water over there!" He said, pointing off to east.

"Calvin, that's in the Susie's yard," Hobbes began.

"So?" Calvin demanded, looking over at Hobbes, his eyebrow raised.

Hobbes stared at Calvin with blank eyes.

"I hope you're not expecting me to get this thing some...."

At that moment, Tug began coughing.

Calvin and Hobbes turned at stared at him.

"Alright, fine! I'll get him some water! Here hold this!" Calvin handed Hobbes the MTM and stormed off into the house.

There was a pause as Hobbes, MTM and Tug waited.

Suddenly, Calvin burst back out of the house holding a bowl of water.

"Here!" He growled shoving the bowl in front of Tug.

Tug wagged his tail happily and waddled up to the bowl.

He sniffed the water. He looked back up at Calvin and grinned.

Calvin glared at him.

"Well? Go ahead and drink it!" He ordered.

Tug stared at him.

"Drink!" Calvin ordered, pointing at the bowl as if Tug didn't know what to do.

"I don't think he wants to," Hobbes said.

Calvin groaned.

"I just got him water because he was thirsty!" He complained.

"He doesn't look thirsty, anymore," Hobbes commented.

"Why not?!" Calvin yelled.

"Calvin," Hobbes said, seeing that the dog was starting to drive Calvin insane. "Why don't we go inside and watch TV for a while?"

Calvin glared at the pug.

"Fine!" He growled. "Let's go,"

Calvin stormed off into the house with Hobbes close behind with the MTM.

Tug followed them.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next hour and a half watching TV.

They had almost forgotten about the Pug. Until they had gotten about half way into their seventh Spongebob episode.

The duo had been silent for the time being, staring at the TV with empty expressions.

Suddenly, a loud sound brought them crashing back into reality.

_**BRIIING!! BRIIIING!! BRIIING!! BRIIING!! BRIIING!!! BRIIING!!!**_

There was an explosion of movement, and the chair that Calvin and Hobbes were sharing suddenly tipped over backwards and landed on the ground, rather hardly.

CRASH!

Without missing a beat, Calvin leaped up and looked around in all directions.

Tug was walking down the stairs with the MTM in his mouth.

"HEY!!" Calvin screamed.

Tug raced out of the house with the MTM, and into the back yard.

"STOP HIM!! YOU STUPID DOG!!! NO!!!" Calvin scrambled to his feet, and charged after the pug.

Hobbes continued laying on his back, staring straight up.

"I've really never noticed the eccentric design our ceiling has," He observed, looking at the white block ceiling.

When Calvin came outside, he could see that Tug had already buried the MTM and was scratching the last few bits of dirt onto the hole.

At this point, Calvin was going totally insane.

He flung himself at the pile of dirt, screaming his head off, and frantically began digging the MTM back out.

Tug, evidently overlooking Calvin's hysteria, began wagging his tail, happily, and drooled a little bit more than he was before.

Calvin ripped the dirt covered and drool coated MTM out of the grave that had been dug for him.

"WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM DO THIS?!" Calvin shouted at his machine. "YOU COULD EASILY TELEPORT AWAY!!"

* * *

Meanwhile, an overweight man with a moustache walked down the sidewalk towards town. He looked over his shoulder to see a small boy screaming at a CD player while a small pug grinned at him, happily.

"Mmm-hmmm," He hummed, continuing on his walk.

* * *

"Well, Calvin," MTM said, calmly. "I'd love to teleport, but I've got this strange urge to use my alarm instead."

Calvin stared at the MTM.

"What?" He demanded.

"Yeah, I don't know," MTM said, sounding as though he was shrugging. "It's almost like an addiction. I need to set off the alarm, Calvin, I just have to. If you were a machine you'd know why."

"Don't give me that!" Calvin shouted. "You just like scaring me every ten minutes!!"

Just then, Hobbes came walking out.

"Hey, Calvin, did you stop the catastrophe?" He asked, calmly.

"Go stick your head in a microwave!" Calvin spat.

"That's a 'no' then," Hobbes nodded.

Just then, Mom and Dad both walked out of the house.

Calvin and Hobbes turned and stared.

Mom was sorting through her keys, and Dad was walking over to the passenger side of the car.

"Wha... what are you doing?" Calvin asked, rather nervously.

"Calvin, we're going out to the grocery store real quick, and we need you to watch Tug." Mom said, casually.

"You need me to what?!" Calvin screamed.

"We'll only be half an hour, Calvin, can you just watch him until then?" Dad asked, rolling his eyes.

"But I..."

"Good, we'll be back soon."

Mom got into the car and started it up.

Calvin stared at them in disbelief.

"But they can't... do this to me!" He said, slowly.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"This has to be some form of child abuse!!" Calvin shouted.

"Ah, come on, Calvin," Hobbes said, reassuringly, as the car pulled out of the drive. "We can watch Tug for half an hour, can't we?"

The two turned and stared at Tug.

He was grinning up at them with the stupidest expression. His eyes didn't even look like they were focused on them. His tongue was hanging out of the left side of his mouth and he was drooling on his foot.

"This could be rather grievous," Hobbes noted.

Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes sat on their bed watching Tug goof around in their room.

Tug was rolling around in the goofiest positions they had ever seen.

"He's like the contortionist at the circus," Hobbes commented.

"Pugs don't have spines," Calvin declared. "Their backs are lined with kiwi-strawberry jell-o squares."

Tug suddenly stopped goofing off and saw something on the floor.

Calvin and Hobbes followed his line of vision to look.

"What is it?" Calvin asked.

"I think it's a cockroach," Hobbes replied.

Tug was suddenly assuming a semi-vicious stance and faced the cockroach.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

The noise coming from this scrawny little pug was deafening, and Calvin and Hobbes squeezed their eyes shut as they covered their ears as tightly as they could.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

This continued for a solid minute until finally, the cockroach got close enough that its antennae brushed Tug's nose.

Horrified, Tug turned and fled the room.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him leave, bemused, and then stared at the cockroach, and then back at the doorway.

Tug was now at the doorway, and he had resumed his previous stance.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Calvin sighed.

"Menacing, but only at a safe distance," Hobbes said.

"What do you think he's trying to say?"

"I can guess," MTM said.

"Well?"

MTM cleared his throat and said, "Hey. Look at me, the short hairy guy. Hey. …I can bark louder if need be."

"You're probably not far off," Calvin sighed.

Tug finally became interested in something else, and he started running around the room.

"He's a furry little emotional rollercoaster," Hobbes grunted.

Tug hit the wall straight on, somehow rebounded into a tuck roll, let his back right paw touched the ground for one-eighth of a second, launched twenty feet from that one push, and managed to hit Hobbes at roughly seven thousand miles per hour.

"ACK!" Hobbes wailed, as he was hurled out of the room and into the all outside.

Tug stood on his furry chest, barking away.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

"Ah," Calvin said, standing at the door. "He's reenacted our wonderful 'Welcome Home' Ritual."

"Shut up," Hobbes muttered, struggling to get out from under Tug.

Tug then suddenly rocketed off Hobbes and tore down the hall, past the stairs and towards the wall. He didn't even try to stop. He just slammed himself into the wall.

**_BONK!_**

Calvin and Hobbes watched this in a stupor.

"Not really God's best work, brains-wise," Calvin commented, scratching his head.

"Oh lord, now he's doing it again," Hobbes sighed.

**_BONK!_**

"I think he's alright," Calvin sighed.

Tug then ran down the opposite way, and just when they thought that he was going to do it again, he stopped suddenly, turned to his right, and started barking again at nothing.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

They watched him for a minute.

"Did you hear the theory that when a dog barks at nothing, it's barking at a ghost or a spirit?" Calvin asked.

"Nah," Hobbes snorted, waving a paw. "That's a load of hooey."

They glanced back at Tug.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

"But man," Hobbes moaned. "Thanks for freaking me out."

"So why _does _a pug do that?"

"It's probably a natural defense system. The blowfish has its spines, the skunk has its odor, the scorpion has its tail and claws, and the pug has his little scrunchy face with a bark that could peel paint off a Ferrari."

Tug then left that spot and started to run downstairs.

Calvin and Hobbes tried to keep up.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

They cringed with each bark.

"That bark," Hobbes moaned. "It's like someone is repeatedly kicking Aaron Neville in the business."

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Suddenly, Tug stopped, and his eyes grew even wider.

"**_HRNNNN!!_**"

Then he resumed what he was doing and reached the bottom of the stairs.

"What was _that_?!" Calvin demanded.

"He was inhaling," Hobbes said with his eyes wide.

Tug continued to run and yap as if his life depended on it.

"Can't you make him stop?" Hobbes moaned as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Why me?"

"You're the so-called genius inventor. Can't you invent something that'll make him stop?"

"What's the point? Every time he sees MTM he buries him."

"Yes, good point. Maybe he's fine as he is."

Calvin glared at him.

Tug then started barking at them again.

Calvin and Hobbes stared back, their brows furrowed.

"What does he want?" Calvin asked.

"Perhaps a tranquilizer?"

"I said what does _he _want, not what _we _want."

"Oh. Well, he probably wants to play."

Tug bounced up and down, still barking.

"So what do we do?" Calvin asked.

"Well, I have a feeling that Tug doesn't want to play Calvinball."

"We could use _him _as the Calvinball."

"Nah, too messy."

"How about a quiet game of Fetch?"

"Now Calvin, you know perfectly well that that's not possible in this house."

"Hmmm, you're right. So how about a loud, noisy and obnoxiously annoying game of Fetch?"

"Now _that_ sounds perfectly feasible."

"Good. I'll find a tennis ball."

Calvin went back upstairs.

Hobbes tried to get Tug's attention.

"You wanna go out, boy?" he called.

Tug immediately stopped barking and looked at Hobbes, twisting his head around to the left. His ears flew up.

Hobbes stared at him in surprise.

"Tug? Do you wanna go out?"

Tug's head remained as it was, and his tail started to wag.

After a good pause, Tug went back to normal.

"Hmmm," Hobbes pondered. His eyes lit up. "You want chicken, boy? Do you like chicken?"

Tug's head turned again, this time to half of what he had turned it before.

Hobbes tried to not get freaked out.

Tug went back to normal.

Hobbes tried again.

"Shoes, boy? Do you like shoes?"

Tug's head now turned twice as much.

Calvin came downstairs during this, holding a yellow tennis ball.

"What's he doing?" he demanded.

"Apparently showing one hundred eighty degrees of interest in footwear," Hobbes replied.

Calvin stared. "What do you mean?"

"What this."

Hobbes looked back at Tug.

"Tug, you like outside? Do ya?"

Tug's head twisted back and forth as his tail wagged.

Calvin's eyes widened as he stared in surprise.

"Now _that's_ just plain freaky," he commented. "Let's go."

Calvin headed towards the backdoor.

"Tug, you wanna go out and play Fetch, boy? Do ya? Huh?" Hobbes asked.

Tug's head twisted around again, his tailing wagging even harder.

"Go for it, boy!" Hobbes said, pointing.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Tug barked and ran all the way towards Calvin.

"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHH!!" Calvin wailed.

**_WHUMP!_**

Calvin lay on the floor with Tug grinning dopily on top of him.

"Dumb dog," he muttered.

Calvin and Hobbes stood out in the backyard that led to the woods. Tug was standing dopily next to them.

"Okay, you ready Tug?" Calvin asked.

"HYPE!"

"I hope that meant yes," Hobbes muttered. "Go for it."

Calvin made sure Tug was watching him, and then threw the ball with all his might.

"Get it, Tug! Get the ball!"

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Tug hurtled himself after the ball.

This merely led to a big problem.

"Uh-oh," said Hobbes. "He lost it. He doesn't see it."

"To the left, Tug! It's to your left!" Calvin shouted. "No, Tug! It's not in the bushes! It's…Tug! It's…No! …To the left!"

"He's looking back at us. He thinks he didn't throw it."

"I threw it! I threw it! It's to the left!"

"He's sniffing madly. He doesn't know where to go."

Calvin clutched his head in frustration.

"GAH! FETCH SHOULDN'T MAKE ME FEEL SO GUILTY!"

"Oh lord, now he's just digging randomly," Hobbes sighed.

"C'mon, Tug! Get the ball! It's to your left!"

Tug was looking everywhere. He even looked in the right direction a few times. Still, he just wouldn't clue in.

And he continued to bark.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Calvin sighed angrily and walked to the ball.

"No… NO… TUG! IT'S… This is EASY! It's right here!"

Tug was ignoring him as he barked up a tree.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Getting frustrated, Calvin walked over, picked Tug up and held him over the ball.

"Tug, it's RIGHT _HERE_! Look at your feet. Just look down."

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

The barking became too much and Calvin had to put Tug down. He put him down next to the ball, but Tug didn't seem to see it and ran over at a stone that was a few feet away.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Hobbes walked over to join Calvin.

"This is just getting embarrassing for everyone involved," he commented.

Calvin glared at him, and then glared at Tug.

"TUG…?" he shouted.

Tug didn't hear him over his own barking.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Calvin got down on one knee and put his hand on the ball.

"Tug? I am **_LITERALLY TOUCHING IT WITH MY HAND!_**" he shouted.

Tug continued to bark at the rock.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

"Hobbes, this is ridiculous! Look at me! I'm trying to alert an idiot pug to a ball when I could be doing anything else!"

"Yeah, I know," Hobbes agreed. "I could be out on the hunt right now, preying down on some innocent hunter."

Calvin looked at him skeptically.

"You know, hypothetically," Hobbes said, shrugging.

Calvin got up, taking the ball with him.

"Well, I'm not going to stand here waiting for him to get a clue. If he wants to bark at a rock all day, he'll be no trouble. Come on."

And he tossed the ball over his shoulder, following Hobbes back to the house.

As they were approaching the backdoor, however, they heard footsteps behind them, and they turned to look.

Tug was standing behind them, holding the ball in his mouth.

Calvin's eyes burst open, and he could only glare at Tug with an intense hatred.

Tug remained clueless as he dropped the ball at Calvin's feet.

Then it started again.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!!"

Calvin and Hobbes held their ears.

Growing more and more frustrated and annoyed, Calvin picked the ball back up and hurled it into the woods.

Still barking, Tug chased after it.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!!!"

The barking faded as Tug got further away.

"Finally!" Calvin grunted. "That oughta keep him busy for awhile."

Hobbes glanced back at the woods before following.

"You sure that was a good idea?" he asked. "I mean, Tug's a few balloons short of a birthday party. How do we know he'll be back before your parents get home in…?" He checked the clock "…fifteen minutes?"

"Relax," Calvin sighed. "If he isn't back by then, we can just use MTM to teleport him back. He can do that, you know."

Hobbes sighed and sat down at the table.

"You know, I've noticed that when Tug barks, it's not unlike a car alarm. There're a lot of comparisons."

"Such as?" Calvin asked, getting a can of soda from the fridge.

Hobbes began to list them off on his fingers.

"Well, both will start blaring for no apparent reason, the only way to stop them once they get going is to find their owner, both go off again at 1:26 AM just as you're falling asleep, both can achieve a pitch that sounds like Rosie Perez on helium, and no sane person pays attention to either one of them."

"Yeah," Calvin agreed, taking a drink. "Pug's are probably the worse guard dogs in the world. They bark at all the wrong stuff. I mean, imagine it. If a pug sees a leaf blowing in the wind, you get the angriest dog in the world. But if you get an angry Genghis Khan holding a sword, two grenades and a vial of deadly 1918 Spanish Flue, his friendly little just goes a-wagging away."

Hobbes laughed.

* * *

A few minutes later, they came upstairs and went into their room.

"So now what?" Hobbes asked.

"Comic books?"

"Cool."

Hobbes got up on the bed while Calvin went over to the bookshelf and pulled out a box. He pulled the lid off the top and started to go through the various issues of various brands of comic books.

"Hey, MTM, we're gonna need you a little later today, alright?"

There was a pause as Calvin waited for a reply, but he didn't get one.

"MTM?"

There was still no reply.

Hobbes finally looked up.

"I don't think he's here," he commented.

Calvin looked on top of the bookcase where MTM had been earlier.

Looking confused, he checked behind the bookcase to make sure MTM hadn't fallen off.

"Hobbes, start looking. We might need him later."

Hobbes sighed and checked under the bed.

"Nothing under here."

Calvin checked the dresser's bottom drawers.

"Nothing but clothes in here."

Hobbes checked the top drawers.

"Just a bunch of socks. Nothing good," he added.

Calvin checked around his desk.

"He's not around here."

Hobbes dug through the trashcan.

"Nothing but trash in there."

Calvin lifted up the rug and looked under it.

"Nothing under here."

They regrouped in the middle of the room.

"You don't think Tug buried him again, do you?"

"He must've moved pretty fast," Calvin commented. "I don't recall there being a time when he could've done it without us seeing him."

"So what do we do?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin pondered.

"Maybe we could use the Transmogrifier Gun to make a new MTM?"

"What and have two MTM's? That's not going to make him happy when he gets back."

"Okay, we could make a new Tug."

"What and have two of _him_? Somehow, that's even worse."

"Well, we've got to do something. If we don't have Tug back in ten minutes or less, Mom and Dad will go into conniptions!"

"So what do we do?"

"We need to find MTM. He's our only hope of finding Tug."

"Couldn't we just go into the woods and look for Tug ourselves?"

"And do all that work? What are you, nuts?"

"Well…"

Calvin grabbed Hobbes and hauled him downstairs.

"You're clear on the plan, right?" Calvin asked.

"Run around the yard with shovels and dig randomly until we find MTM?"

"Right."

"And we have about seven minutes to do all this in?"

"Uh-huh."

They stared at their large backyard.

"Well," Hobbes sighed. "That's should be plenty of time."

"Relax; this'll hardly take a millisecond. Take this."

Calvin handed him a Time Disc, and then pulled out the Time Pauser.

"Just a little insurance," he said.

**_BOOOM!_**

Shockwaves expanded from the both of them, and the world fell quiet.

"Come on. I'll start on the right. You start on the left. We'll meet in the middle."

They split up and went to opposite sides of the yard.

Calvin immediately started digging a hole. After shifting three piles of dirt, he moved on a few feet and started a new one. He repeated the process. Then he moved on again.

Hobbes was doing the same thing. He'd start digging the hole, move three piles of dirt, and he moved on to the next one. He started digging the hole, shifted three more piles of dirt, and then started another one.

For a good long time that would've concluded with at least thirty minutes if time had been moving, they continued this process.

Finally, they'd met each other halfway.

The yard was a mess.

"Great," Calvin muttered. "Now what?"

"Should we report a lost dog to the police?" Hobbes suggested.

"Not yet. If we can't find MTM, we'll have to find Tug ourselves. I'm getting the wagon. We're gonna find that dumb dog if it's the last thing I ever do."

Hobbes sighed.

A while later, Calvin and Hobbes were sitting at the edge of the slope that would dip down before the giant hill that was Sneer Hill.

"Ready?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes held up a collar and leash.

"Ready," he replied.

Giving the wagon a good jerk, they managed to edge it over the slope and rolled steadily down the embankment, disappearing into the brush.

"Any sign of him?" Calvin asked.

"None," Hobbes replied, searching the woods that were whizzing by.

They continued along down the slope and headed for the incline up Sneer Hill.

Knowing the wagon would only slow down, Calvin redirected it at a junction and they continued along a level piece of pathway that went around the main mountain and along a steep cliff.

"Hobbes, you're gonna have to push a long here," Calvin said.

"Roger."

Hobbes jumped out of the back and began to push the wagon along the ridge while Calvin steered up front.

"Can you see him?" Calvin shouted.

"No sign of him," Hobbes replied. "How're we gonna find him while we're in Time Stop?"

"Hopefully he'll have left a trail of some kind."

"What kind of trail? The only trail he could leave is a sound trail, and we can't hear him in Time Stop."

"Well, we've just got to try."

They directed the wagon along the mountainside, looking out amongst the trees and the river below.

"Calvin, what if we never find him? What if he's trapped, scared and alone somewhere?"

"Hobbes, you're not helping."

"But if he's hurt? What if he's trapped by a wolf and a rock? What if he's about to attacked by an eagle?! What if he's stuck somewhere watching an old rerun of Ainsley Harriet's _Ready, Steady, Cook_?!"

"Oh, stop exaggerating," Calvin snorted.

"But it's something to consider! He could be watching _The Brittas Empire _at this very moment!"

"Stop it."

There was silence as they trudged on.

"Calvin… What if he's watching _Fear Factor_?"

"Okay, stop it! You're scaring me!"

"We can't just leave him in a world where they're _still _making those sick _Saw _movies!"

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

And they carried on in a very tense silence.

They finally came to an incline where Hobbes pushed the wagon up the hill while Calvin got out and pulled from the front.

When they finally reached the top of the incline, they could see several paths heading either uphill or downhill, all heading in different directions.

"Okay, now what?" Hobbes wanted to know.

Calvin paused, and then snapped his fingers in triumph.

"Okay," he said. "I'll take us out of Time Stop for a few seconds. We'll listen for Tug's barking."

"Right. Now why didn't we think of this before?"

Calvin ignored him and took out the Time Pauser and pressed the button.

**_BOOOOM!_**

The shockwaves retracted back into them.

They listened.

Hobbes put his acute listening to use and strained.

"…_hype! hype! hype! hype!_"

"I hear him," he said quietly.

"Where? Which way should we go?" Calvin asked frantically.

Hobbes closed his eyes to cancel out a few senses, and the hearing was enhanced.

"Got it," he said. "That way!" He pointed to the path that led downhill.

Calvin grinned and got back into the wagon.

"Onwards!" he shouted, reactivating the Time Pauser.

**_BOOOM!_**

Hobbes got behind the wagon and pushed towards the appropriate path. Once the wagon gained momentum and gravity kicked in, he joined Calvin in the back.

"Faster! Faster! Whoo!" Calvin cheered.

Holding onto the steering handle tightly, he maneuvered around rocks and trees, avoiding the cliffs as best he could as he ran the wagon along the ledges.

Hobbes held onto the sides and gritted his teeth, trying not to look down.

Calvin wrenched the rod around as he aimed them towards another junction that was coming up fast. He deactivated the Time Pauser.

**_BOOM!_**

"Which way?" he shouted.

Hobbes listened over the rattling of the wagon.

The junction came closer and closer.

"Hurry!" Calvin shouted.

"Right! Go right!"

Calvin twisted the rod and they rocketed along, nearly being flipped by the rock that diverged the paths.

Calvin then reactivated the Time Pauser.

**_BOOM!_**

They ran along the path, going steadily faster.

This path led towards a cliff.

"AUGH!" they screamed.

Calvin knew there was no chance they could stop in time, and he simply closed his eyes.

"Hang on!" he shouted.

The wagon rocked along and hit the cliff, flying into the air.

As they sailed through the air, Calvin deactivated the Time Pauser again.

**_BOOM!_**

"Can you still hear him?" he shouted.

Hobbes listened as they reached the climax and began their descent.

"That way!" Hobbes shouted, pointing to a grouping of trees.

Calvin tried to maneuver correctly, and he sent the wagon towards another cliff side.

"Hang on, Hobbes!" he warned.

They plummeted down and landed with a loud **_THUD_** on the ground, briefly teetering on the edge, but a quick jerk from Hobbes insured they'd continue downhill. They did. The wagon rattled nosily along, and Calvin put them back in Time Stop.

**_BOOM!_**

They rolled around the paths again, dodging trees and rounding bushes. They came to a pile of leaves and plowed through it.

"ACK!" Calvin cried. "I think there was a rock in there!"

"Where the heck are we?!"

"I don't know! This doesn't look familiar to me!"

It was then, however, that they noticed the junction they'd taken earlier, only now they were against it, and they sailed right past.

"Calvin?"

"Yes?"

"Wasn't that the path we took at the very beginning?"

"Er…"

Before Calvin could finish, they found themselves flying up towards the slope that led to their house. Since they were going so fast, they found themselves flying straight up it without losing speed.

They sailed up it so fast they left the ground when it leveled out again. They flew through the air, left the wagon behind, and landed in two of the holes they'd dug.

**_WHUMP!_**

**_THUD!_**

The wagon crashed and landed in a heap against the house.

**_CRASH!_**

Battered and bruised, they slowly got up.

Calvin pulled out the Time Pauser and looked at it.

BATTERIES LOW

Sighing in disgust, Calvin turned it off.

**_BOOM!_**

After that was done, he helped Hobbes to his feet.

"Did we find him?" Hobbes asked, dazed.

"Nope," Calvin sighed.

"Well, what do we do now?"

They sighed and thought about that.

"Oi!"

They both looked up in surprise.

"MTM?" Calvin asked, looking around.

"Over here!"

They ran around the house, and they found MTM half-buried in the ground.

"MTM! What's happened to you?!" Calvin cried.

There was a pause.

"Do you seriously not know?" MTM grumbled.

Calvin sighed.

"Sorry, it's been a long half hour."

Then his eyes popped open.

"Quick, Hobbes! What time is it?!"

Hobbes checked his watch.

"We have three minutes to find Tug before your parents get home."

The minute Hobbes said "Tug", they heard someone coming.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

They looked up and stared, and they saw Tug running around from the front of the house, barking happily and wagging his little tail.

"But…but when did _he _get back?!" Calvin cried.

"Quite a while ago," MTM replied. "While you were having lunch in the kitchen, he came back in through the open backdoor having fetched the ball. He looked for you in your room, and he found me instead."

There was a pause.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

"You know," Hobbes said, scratching his chin thoughtfully, "I _thought _I saw a tennis ball under the bed, but I thought it was just a…"

Calvin glared at him.

"Whoops."

"Yeah, whoops indeed," Calvin replied. "We went through all that looking for these two for nothing. MTM, why didn't you call for us sooner?"

"You went into Time Stop before I could call you from here," MTM replied. "Speaking of which, could you possibly…?"

Calvin sighed and pulled MTM out of the ground.

"Two minutes," Hobbes announced.

"MTM, we've made a mess of the backyard and the Time Pauser is out of power. Any chance you could use a concentrated Time Vortex to get it for us?"

"Right on, dude."

They took MTM to the backyard, and a white, spiraling funnel shot itself from him, and engulfed the whole yard. The wagon disappeared down the slope, was gone for a while, and then returned itself back into the garage. The shovels took all the piles of dirt and hurled it all back into the holes, filling them back up again. The missing parts of the yard disappeared, revealing it untouched.

The funnel returned itself to the MTM.

"All done," Calvin said.

"And with a minute to spare," Hobbes added.

They hurried back into the house.

But on the way, Tug thought it'd be a good idea to try and eat the TV remote.

"Hey!" Calvin shouted. "Put that down!"

"HYPE!"

Calvin and Tug began pulling on it.

"Curious creatures, pugs," Hobbes commented.

"God's little weirdoes," MTM replied.

"GIVE IT! IT'S NOT FOOD! GIVE IT!" Calvin shouted.

Tug wouldn't let go.

Suddenly, the door opened. Mom and Dad came in.

"Calvin, we're back!" she said, carrying her groceries.

Tug was so happy to see them he let go of the remote to bark at them.

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

Calvin went flying backwards, crashing into the wall.

"Hey!" he shouted.

Tug ran over to Mom and Dad, barking madly.

"Hmmm," Dad said. "Nice to see he's still alive."

"I take offense to that," Calvin replied scornfully, getting back up again.

Mom put the groceries down.

"Well, it's time to take him home," she said. "Come on, Tug. Your owners are waiting."

"HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE! HYPE!"

And she led the noisy little dog out of the house.

Dad approached Calvin.

"Well, looks like you built some character today," he commented.

Calvin glared at him. "Don't rub it in," he snorted, crossing his arms.

"Say, I've got a good idea," Dad grinned. "How would _you_ like to have pug just like him?"

Calvin's eyes rolled back into his head as he fell over in dead faint.

Then the stuffed tiger that was sitting next to him tipped over.

Then the CD player on the floor switched itself off.

Dad stared at them.

"I'll take that as a no," he sighed.

**The End**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segall Adlon **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom**  
Bill Murray **Dad**  
French Stewart **Tug

* * *

**Coming Up Next:** Hero


	19. Hero

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Hero**

_Starring Bill Muarry_ (Stupendous Man punches a brick wall over)

_Also starring Tom Hanks _(Tiger Lad swings down from the top of a building)

_And Rex Hamilton as Mahatma Gandhi _(Gandhi brandishes an assault rifle)

_Tonight's Special Guest Star: Nick Stahl _(Nick Stahl is shot at in a restaurant but he shoots back. He is then drinks poison wine.)

_Tonight's Episode: _A Bird in the Hand

* * *

It was a nice peaceful evening in March.

A short girl with short brown hair was walking down the sidewalk of a rather large city. She was carrying with her a light tan purse.

Everything seemed to be going normal until suddenly, she heard a sound emitting from her purse.

_Dingle-dingle, dingle-dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle!_

She reached into her purse, pulled out her cell phone and checked the caller ID.

**Unknown Caller**

She paused for a moment, seeming a little scared to answer. Finally, she pushed the RECEIVE button.

She slowly held the phone up to her ear. "He–hello?" She started.

There was a pause.

"Oh, hey there Mr Caller. How are you doing?"

She kept walking unaware that someone was watching her from the shadows.

"That's good." She continued. "Yeah, things have been going pretty good for me. I was just coming home from Candace's and... Oh, Unknown, would you hold on a moment? I'm getting another call,"

The girl pushed another button on the phone and held back up to her ear.

"Hello?" She asked.

"I'm watching you," A sinister voice said. "I'm in the alleyway."

The girl stopped in her tracks.

"Who is this?" She demanded.

There was a click, and the phone went dead.

The girl stared at her now dead cell phone in shock, and dropped it back into her purse.

She looked around in all directions. She was surrounded by alleyways.

"Is anybody there?" She asked, quietly.

There was a short pause.

Suddenly, a loud noise echoed through the night.

_CRASH!!!!_

The girl jumped and whirled around.

A cat was screeching and running away from a fallen garbage can.

The girl gripped her chest, breathing hard, trying to calm down.

Then another sound was heard.

_BANG!!!_

The girl whipped around, again.

A dog had leapt from one of the alleyways and had begun chasing the cat.

She wiped some sweat from her brow.

_SCREEEEEEEEEE!!!_

The girl jumped and whipped around, again.

A car had just violently swerved on the road to avoid hitting the cat and dog.

Deciding she had to get out of there as quickly as possible, the girl started running off in the opposite direction.

Suddenly, she tripped over a string, which quickly set a mechanism in the street off.

_TWANG!!!_

"AAAUGH!!"

A net sprang up from the ground, and trapped the girl inside, hanging from the air.

A dark figure stepped out of the darkness and started laughing, insanely.

* * *

_My name is Calvin. I'm an incredibly wealthy stockbroker who lives in a mansion on the top of a hill overlooking the crime filled Kent City, with my trusty companion, Hobbes. It started out as a regular evening. Hobbes and I were just sitting down in our large chairs reading comic books._

"Hey, Hobbes, do you know where my next issue of Captain Maim is?" Calvin asked, completely hidden from sight, due to how large the chair that he was sitting in was.

"Did you check in between the cushions?" Hobbes asked, also hidden behind the ridiculously large armrests on the chair.

"No, it's not here," Calvin's voice is heard as the sounds of cushions moving emits from behind the armrest. "Wait, here's something..." There's more rustling, and suddenly, a grey cat leaped out from the chair, hissing and screeching. "Oh, I wondered where he was. Well, I'll ring up Our Trusty Butler."

Calvin's hand appears over the top of the armrest and pushes a button on the end.

"Excuse me, Butler? Would you come here, a moment?"

There was an explosion of electricity, and suddenly, a chrome CD player with a red stripe going around it appeared next to the chair. He had mechanical arms and legs and was wearing a black suit.

"Right dudes," The Butler said in a thick British accent. "What's going on in Groove's Town?"

"Have you seen my latest issue of Captain Maim?" Calvin asked, still not seen.

"Yes, I have," The Butler said.

There was a pause.

"Will you tell me where it is?" Calvin asked.

"Yes, I will," The Butler said.

Silence. A wolf was heard howling in the background.

"Will you tell me, now?" Calvin asked, starting to get impatient.

"Certainly, master," The Butler said, sarcastically. "You left it in the Japanese Garden."

"Ah, very good," Calvin said. "Would you fetch it for me?"

"Yes, Master," The Butler sighed.

"Actually," Hobbes said, standing up from the chair and finally coming into view. He was wearing a professional black suit. "Let's you and I go and get it, Calvin, I'd enjoy a quick walk."

"Sounds good!" Calvin grinned, also jumping off. He too was wearing a suit and his hair was slicked back. "Never mind, The Butler. We'll fetch the comic book!"

The Butler threw a comic book out of the room and Calvin and Hobbes sprinted after it on all fours.

* * *

Minutes later, Calvin and Hobbes reached the Japanese Garden. They walked into the green house, passing up several pots with Japanese people growing in them.

"Man, this place is huge!" Calvin complained. "Where could I have left that comic book?"

"I don't know, but this place is going to play heck on my allergies," Hobbes sniffed, looking around, nervously.

"Well, let's start looking. I'll look on this side, you look on the other side. Got it?"

"ACHOO!!"

"Good,"

Calvin and Hobbes then walked off in separate directions.

On his way past, Hobbes grabbed a handkerchief out of one of the Japanese's pockets and blew his nose on it.

It wasn't long before Calvin found his comic book, laying on the sidewalk face down.

Calvin promptly picked the comic book up, upon finding it, and turned around.

He gasped, as he looked out the window.

"Hobbes, my trusty companion! Come quick!"

Calvin whipped around to find Hobbes.

He was already right behind him.

"Ah, there you are!" Calvin yelled, taking no notice of the tiger's sudden appearance. "Look out the window! It's the Stupendous Signal!"

Hobbes rubbed his nose and looked out the window.

There was a light shining into the night sky with a giant "S" in the middle.

"The city is in danger!" Hobbes gasped.

"TO THE STUPENDOUS MOBILE!!" Calvin announced,

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes rushed out the room.

* * *

A few minutes later, the crime scene where the girl had been kidnaped was full of police. They were each trying to disable the several booby traps that been set up around the area. Because of this, several of the police were stuck in bubble gum cages and pits half filled with mayonnaise. There were several human figures drawn on the concrete with chalk, three of which were Egyptian drawings.

Suddenly, a cardboard box containing Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad flew down from the sky, and started skimming the ground. Stupendous Man pulled on the brakes and the box crashed into a large group of trash cans, knocking them over.

The two super heros then jumped out, and raced over to the commissioner, who was a small hamster wearing a brown suit.

"Stupendous Man, Tiger lad," The commissioner nodded. "You came just in time."

Tiger Lad looked around in shock.

"What _happened _here?!" he demanded, disgusted at what he saw.

"We were hoping you could tell us that," The commissioner said. "We can't make heads or tails out of it."

At that moment, one policeman started coming out of the building behind Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad, holding one end of a stretcher, which had a white sheet over it.

The two heros took no notice of it, as they looked around, examining the evidence.

"Judging by the craftsmanship, I'd say this is the work of The Pranker!" Tiger Lad announced turning back to the commissioner.

"It seems reasonable," The commissioner nodded. Behind them, the stretcher continued to come out, but everyone ignored it. "We have only one reported kidnaping. A Miss Susie Derkins. She was heading home from her friends house, when she was taken. We have not received any ransom, yet."

The stretcher was still being pulled out of the door as Stupendous Man turned and looked around the area.

"Knowing The Pranker, he never strays far from the scene of the crime." He contemplated.

Stupendous Man glared into one of the nearby buildings.

"Commissioner, tell your men to back me up, here," He said, turning to the hamster.

"Right," the Commissioner said. "Men! Back him up!"

Several policemen ran up and began pushing Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad backwards into the building.

* * *

"Ha, ha! The fools have taken the bait!" The Pranker cackled, staring out the window of one of the buildings. "Soon I will have Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad destroyed!"

"You can't do this!" Susie yelled, who was tied to a chair, glaring at the Pranker, who was another tiger like Hobbes, with red stripes on his tail and a purple mask. "Surely you can let me go, now!"

"Silence!" The Pranker ordered, holding a hand up. "I think I know what I'm going, Miss Derkins! And don't call me Shirley!"

The Pranker began walking towards a closet door.

"I'll be waiting here, tell me when the heros show up!" He demanded, and with that, he ducked into the closet, shattering the glass window on the door as he slammed it.

At that precise moment, Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad burst through the other door.

"Ah ha, Miss Derkins!" Stupendous Man announced. "Now, don't be afraid, we're here to rescue you!"

"Wait!" Susie yelled. "You can't save me! It's a tra–"

"Oh, are you saying you_ don't_ want to be rescued?" Tiger Lad demanded.

"No, I'm saying that The Pranker has set up a...."

"We go through all this trouble, and you don't even want to be rescued?!" Stupendous Man groaned.

"There's a tra–"

_TWAAANG!!_

Before Susie could finish the sentence, a net suddenly sprang up, trapping Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad hanging in the air.

"HEY!!" Tiger Lad screamed. "What in the...."

Suddenly, an insane cackle was heard.

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad turned and saw The Pranker behind them, laughing his head off and holding a remote control in his hand.

"Pranker!" Tiger Lad growled.

"So we meet, again!" Stupendous Man asserted.

"Yes, we have!" Pranker grinned. "Except this time, the hand is on the other foot!"

There was a moment of silence.

"What?" Tiger Lad asked.

"I said, the advantage is mine, this time!" The Pranker cackled. "How foolish of you to come stumbling right into the middle of my trap!"

"A trap?!" Stupendous Man demanded. He whipped around to Susie. "Did you know about this?"

Susie blinked.

"Well, it doesn't matter, now, because there is no way you can possibly defeat me, now!" The Pranker grinned, crossing his arms.

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad paused, and looked at each other, blankly.

* * *

Five minutes later, The Pranker was being led out by a boy with messy brown hair in a policeman's uniform.

"Good job, Stupendous Man," The commissioner said, hopping over to two heros, who were walking out of the building, covered in mustard. "We've put captured a very dangerous criminal, because of you."

"It's all part of a night's work," Stupendous Man nodded. "All that matters is that we've put another scum sucking criminal behind bars!"

"Where's the hostage?" The commissioner asked, looking back into the building.

Stupendous Man paused. "The what?"

"The hostage?" The Commissioner said. "Miss Susie Derkins?"

There was a pause.

"Oh, darn it," Stupendous Man moaned, running back into the building.

The Commissioner sighed, and walked off, leaving Tiger Lad alone.

Tiger Lad rolled his eyes, held up his wrist, and pushed a button on his watch.

"Butler? Come in, butler. Do you read me?"

"Loud and clear, Tiger Lad," The voice of The Butler came out of the speaker on the watch. "What's up?"

"The Pranker has been apprehended." Tiger Lad announced. "The hostage is in the process of being rescued."

"That's good. Were there any other villains there?" The Butler asked.

"Uuhh.. No, it was just The Pranker, why?" Tiger Lad asked.

"Just curious," The Butler yawned. "This could be the start of something big,"

"Yeah, whatever. Just wanted to tell you to expect us home in a few minutes," Tiger Lad said, starting to loose interest in the conversation.

"Righto!" The Butler said, hanging up.

Tiger Lad pushed a button on his watch, and looked back into the building.

At that moment, Stupendous Man and Susie came walking out of the building. Susie looked thoroughly annoyed.

"Right then, Tiger Lad!" Stupendous Man declared. "Our work here is done! Do you have the Stupendous Mobile ready for take off?"

"Roger!" Tiger Lad nodded. "Everything is under control, now!"

"Great! Let's take this puppy home!"

Tiger Lad nodded, grabbed a leash that was sitting on the ground and rushed off with a energetic puppy.

"So long, miss!" Stupendous Man yelled, following Tiger Lad. "Remember to tip your waitress!"

And with that, the two heros were gone.

* * *

_Following the incident with the Pranker, we decided to start patrolling the city a bit more to make sure nothing else happened. We flew the Stupendous _ _Mobile__ around the city for a few days before we finally realized we were flying over the wrong city. Everything seemed fine.

* * *

_

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad flew the Stupendous Mobile around the city.

"How's it look, Tiger Lad?" Stupendous Man asked.

"I figured it looked through its eyes like everyone else."

"Good point. Now how about the city? How does it seem to be doing?"

"Quiet as a lamb."

"**_BAAAA!_**"

"Ah, I see the town is doing its farmyard reenactments."

"Yes. They'll be quiet as pigs and cows pretty soon."

"They're so talented."

They flew a few more circles around the town, did a random loop-de-loop, bounced off the top of an airplane and buzzed a flock of geese that were flying south for the winter. They continued along.

"Well, everything seems alright this evening," Stupendous Man concluded.

They didn't seem to notice a few vultures were doing a circular formation around the perimeter of the city.

"HELP! HELP! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!" someone shouted.

Stupendous Man glanced downwards.

"Hark! A citizen needs our help!"

"Roger, and my names not Hark."

"Understood. And my name's not Roger."

Stupendous Man pulled out a small phone.

"Butler? This is Stupendous Man. We've got a problem in the city. We need you to take a look at the computers and see if you can locate it for us."

"Right on," Butler replied.

* * *

Back at the mansion, the Butler hopped down from the table the hotline was on and jumped across the floor towards a hole in the wall. He tumbled down the chute, ricocheted around a few corners and landed with a light thump in an office chair. He extended his robotic arms and began typing into the computer.

Once he got his results, he extended his right arm even further until it had gone back up the chute, back into the room and it picked up the phone again. He had the phone brought all the way down the chute and back to him, and he held it up to his voice chip.

"The computers are in the basement, just as always," he announced.

"Good. Now how about telling us where the crime is?"

"I can't. I just can't."

"Well why not, for crying out loud?"

"I don't know where it is."

"Then use the computers."

"Oh yes. Hang about."

Butler started typing into the computer.

Data started flying across the screen before a map appeared.

"Alright, I've got a map of the city. Let me zoom in real quick."

The picture started to zoom in on the buildings. The image got closer and closer until it came to a stop on a taxi. Then he started to pan across. He passed over buildings, parks, a lake, a gold robot, an overturned bulldozer, an oilrig, a giant Christmas Tree, a random question mark, a giant hotdog, a giant lobster, a gorilla, a magician, steam engine, a rain cloud, a dragon, a cardboard cutout of Batman, a single box of dental floss, and an old shoe.

Finally, he saw two people flying around in circles on surfboards spewing flames.

"It's Evil Mom-Lady and her sidekick, Character Man. They're in the midst of an attack on the city."

* * *

"Copy that, Butler," Stupendous Man said, putting the phone away. "Get ready for a dramatic entrance, Tiger Lad."

"Check."

"Cash."

"Credit."

Stupendous Man dipped the nose of the Stupendous Mobile and brought it in for a landing. They tore through clouds, birds, clothes lines, and bent a lamppost out of shape in the process.

Stupendous Man brought in and crashed it into row of trashcans.

"A stupendous entrance if I do say so myself!" he said. "Tiger Lad, can you see Evil Mom-Lady anywhere?"

Tiger Lad pulled out a telescope and looked around.

"Can't see them anywhere."

"Enhance the view."

Tiger Lad put a picture of Mary Tamm on the front of the telescope.

"That's a little better," he commented. "But it still tells us nothing."

"Right then. We'll have to do something drastic."

Stupendous Man turned a pedestrian who was walking down the nearby sidewalk.

"Excuse me, sir, where's the attack taking place today?"

"Oh, it's just around the corner. You can't miss it," the man replied.

"Thanks. Come, Tiger Lad!"

They tore up the street and arrived at the middle of the local park. They found that Evil Mom-Lady was attacking people with her Chore-Gun while her wimpy sidekick Character Man was mouthing off to the citizens.

"What're they doing?" asked Tiger Lad.

"Well, Tiger Lad," Stupendous Man said, "I'd wager that everyone in the city is running away in a rather disorganized fit of terror due to the untimely arrival of a pair of ne'er-do-well rivals of yours truly."

"Oh, good, I thought it was something serious."

"It looks like we're working through dinner again. Shall we commence the butt-kicking, Tiger Lad?"

"Quite so, Stupendous Man."

And with that, they flew into the air.

"Before we begin saving the city yet again, Stupendous Man," Tiger Lad said, "I must ask a question."

"Fire away, old chum."

"If we can fly, why do we need the Stupendous Mobile?"

Stupendous Man paused.

"Hey now, that's dangerous thinking, Tiger Lad. You'd best concentrate on the battle."

"Agreed," he nodded.

Evil Mom-Lady had cornered two unsuspecting citizens and glared menacingly at them from behind her Chore Gun.

"Alright, you frail citizens," she snarled. "Prepare to wash my car and weed the flowerbed…with _extreme_ lack of allowance!"

The citizens screamed.

"SAVE US!!"

Stupendous Man was suddenly on the scene.

"Not so fast, Mom-Lady!" he shouted.

Mom-Lady gasped when she saw him.

"Oh good lord!" she cried dramatically. "I didn't expect to see _you_ here!"

"Oh, I'm full of surprises," Stupendous Man grinned. "Watch this."

Stupendous Man reached into his cape and pulled out three eggs.

Everyone watched with interest.

Then he began to juggle the three eggs.

Everyone began to ooh and ah.

Then he tossed them into the air one by one, and while they were in the air, he reached into his cape again and pulled out a tennis racket. He then held his current position for a solid ten seconds. In that time, a bird flew overhead.

"Wait for it…," he said, staring straight ahead at Mom-Lady.

Finally, after that intense spell, the eggs came down.

With a stupendous swing, Stupendous Man swatted the three eggs into Mom-Lady's face.

**_SPLUT!_**

"AUGH!" she screamed, dropping her gun and falling to the ground, holding her face in agony.

Stupendous Man stared at her, and then at the tennis racket that still had egg yoke dripping from it. Then he turned to the people. "Must be an allergy," he decided. "Run along now."

And they did.

"Tiger Lad?" Stupendous Man shouted. "How's it coming with Character Man?"

"I'll be with you in a minute, Stupendous Man," Tiger Lad replied. "Right now I'm engaged in a fierce battle of lectures!"

Indeed, Tiger Lad was trying to get out of a headlock inflicted on him from Character Man.

"I'm only doing so you can suffer," Character Man snorted out. "Because suffering builds character!"

"Then suffer through _this_!"

Tiger Lad grabbed Character Man by his head and picked him up and tossed him over his shoulder, freeing himself. Character Man landed with a hard thud on the grassy ground.

"You shouldn't do that," he said, slowly getting up again. "We might not have Christmas this year!"

"FIEND!" Stupendous Man roared.

They both descended upon him, beating him.

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad stopped for a moment, leaving Character Man in a heap.

"Another question, if I may?" Tiger Lad said.

"Please."

"Would you say we're beating him up or beating him senseless?"

"Hmmm, an interesting quandary, Tiger Lad. We'll think about it later."

"Lovely."

And they resumed.

Finally, after a long fight, Character Man was finally unconscious.

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad stood proudly over him.

"There! I'd say our work here is done," Stupendous Man said.

"Then why don't you?"

"Capitol idea. Our work here is done."

"Splendid."

* * *

A little while later, the Cop was picking up Mom-Lady and Character Man and tossing them like throw rugs into the back of the police van.

"Alright, let's see how breaking rocks for twenty years makes you feel," he sneered, slamming the door shut and locking it.

The Commissioner bounced over to Stupendous Man.

"Good work today, Stupendous Man," he said. "Of course, I fear the citizens have been scarred for life."

"Then our work is done here, Commissioner. Tiger Lad should be brining the Stupendous Mobile around any minute now."

**_CRASH!!_**

They saw that Tiger Lad had just rear-ended a VW Van. He got out, not bothering to look at it.

"Ah, good work, Tiger Lad," Stupendous Man said.

"Phone call from the Butler," said Tiger Lad, handing him the phone.

Stupendous Man took the phone and spoke into it.

"Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… He's resting comfortably… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Oh, no need. The circus is in town. We'll pick on up on the way home… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… It should be in the top shelf… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Just douse some water on it… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… I think we TIVOed it… Uh-huh… Uh-huh… I see. We'll be home shortly."

He handed the phone back to Tiger Lad.

"What'd he say?" Tiger Lad asked.

"He congratulated us, insulted us, gave us a warning, and then asked what we wanted on our dinner tonight," Stupendous Man replied.

"Anything else?"

"Oh, just something about some paperwork that some executive needs to shred. I should probably get to work on that after dinner."

"Alright. I'll give you a hand."

They turned to the Commissioner.

"Tally-ho, Commissioner, my good hamster. We must be off," Stupendous Man exclaimed.

They ran back to the Stupendous Mobile, jumped inside, carefully backed away from the VW, and took to the skies back towards their mansion.

* * *

_Following that encounter with Mom-Lady and Character Man, __Butler__ informed us about something important: the pizza place was closed, so we'd have to eat the frozen one. He also informed us that the Pranker, Evil Mom-Lady and Character Man never worked alone. Odds were that there was someone else involved. Tiger Lad and I discussed this as we worked on the paperwork.

* * *

_

Hobbes was doing battle with some giant green vines that were stretching their way out of the filing cabinet in their office.

Calvin was typing busily at the seriously out-of-date and out-of-place typewriter.

"Hurry up with that last file, Hobbes," he called. "You know how those politicians feel when they don't have any fresh paperwork to shred. They get right antsy."

"There'll be a slight delay, Calvin!" Hobbes shouted as he struggled to pull the desired file out of the cabinet. "The loose meat sandwich you filed last winter has evolved not only a rudimentary central nervous system but also a woefully cranky attitude!"

Struggling, Hobbes managed to get the file out and slam the drawer shut. With that, he dusted his paws off and took the folder over towards the desk Calvin was working at.

"Here's the file, Calvin," Hobbes sighed, tossing at Calvin's side.

"You sound bored, Hobbes," Calvin commented. "I'm guessing the filing cabinet entity has lost it's ability to engage and entertain."

"Yeah. These vicious and malicious murders are such a snore nowadays. If only something truly wicked would this way come?"

There was a knock at the door.

**_KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!_**

They both looked up.

"I GOT IT!" Hobbes shouted, running over to the door.

In the process, the green vines suddenly burst out of the filing cabinet and grabbed him just as he was inches away from reaching the doorknob. He was promptly yanked back into the filing cabinet, which slammed shut, trapping him inside.

Calvin simply got up and answered the door himself.

When he opened it, he looked around.

No one was there.

As he tried to piece this conundrum together in his mind, he failed to notice the camera pan down and show two rather tiny men standing in spacesuits. Their faces were obscured, but they held little guns.

Just as they were about to fire, Calvin slammed the door shut, oblivious to them.

Hobbes had by now escaped the filing cabinet and continued to duel with the mutant sandwich as Calvin went back to work at his desk.

"Nobody was there," he announced. "Must've been some ruddy cheek street urchins playing a trick on me again."

"Bless their delinquent little hearts. WHOA!" Hobbes replied.

Calvin watched the fight for a few seconds before…

**_KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!_**

Rolling his eyes, he went back to the door again.

"Now see here, you little punks!" he announced, turning the knob.

When he opened the door again, this time he noticed the little men, who by now were knocked over.

Hobbes managed to convince the sandwich to take five and join him at the door. He grinned down at the two little spacemen.

"Who ordered the baked potatoes?" he asked.

"Look closer, Hobbes," Calvin said. "Call me loopy, but I think these metallic little spuds are in fact otherworldly visitors from beyond."

"As long as they're not trick-or-treaters collecting for UNICEF again, I'll welcome them in. I'll put out the good china."

Hobbes retreated to the back of the room while Calvin greeted their visitors.

"Please accept these free samples of Earth's bounty as a token of our tacky goodwill," Calvin said, motioning to a fruit basket that had a nice big blue bow on it.

Hobbes nodded in agreement.

The tiny spacemen cocked the guns and aimed at them.

"Look, Calvin!" Hobbes squealed happily. "They're returning the gesture!"

"Too bad," Calvin replied. "I'm too young for a pimple gun."

**_BRZAP!_**

**_BOOM!_**

Twin streaks of red light shot across the room and struck the fruit basket, vaporizing it.

"Wow," said Calvin. "This tiny little space goobers seem to have a low tolerance level for ketch."

"Obviously not _intelligent _life forms," Hobbes noted.

"Now let's not be too hasty, Hobbes. This is a first contact situation concerning an entirely new life form."

The new life form's cocked the guns again and aimed for them this time.

"We'll need a more sensitive form of communication," Calvin commented.

"Check," Hobbes agreed.

Both reared back and kicked the little spacemen through the air, causing them to fly out the door and back into the hallway of the mansion. The door slammed shut to them.

Calvin went back to his desk.

"We handled that rather well," he commented.

"I was hoping for a little more hang time on mine," Hobbes sighed.

Calvin moved the paper in his typewriter. "Looks like I'll have to edit this report to include an encounter with some intergalactic stumpies."

"All this physical exertion has caused me to work up froth. I'm going to catch a vertical squirt bath." He addressed the audience. "That's tech-talk for shower."

He picked up a towel and brush and left the room.

* * *

Outside the building, the two little spacemen were rubbing their rears and reloading their guns.

Finally they silently agreed they should split up.

One would attack Calvin, and the other would attack Hobbes.

They went their separate ways.

* * *

The first one attempted to get Calvin.

Calvin had his back turned to the open window.

Seeing his chance, the tiny man flew up towards it from outside.

Calvin got up from typing at the typewriter.

"I think I'll just close this window for no good reason," he said aloud.

And he did. He brought the window down. And the minute he went back to his desk…

**_THUNK!_**

The tiny little man collided with the glass. He slid down the length of the window and down the building.

* * *

In the shower three floors up, Hobbes was singing his usual opera tunes in a voice very much unlike his own. He was scrubbing himself up good.

Unknown to him, the other tiny spaceman was coming up through the toilet. He was beginning to aim his gun at Hobbes.

However, while in the shower, Hobbes got soap in his eyes. He fumbled his paw around outside the shower curtain.

"Where's the towel?" he asked aloud. "My kingdom for a towel!"

In the process of fumbling carelessly, he accidentally brought his hand down on the toilet flusher.

The tiny little spaceman got flushed back down the toilet.

"_YEEEEEEERRRG_!!" Hobbes screamed, super-hot water pouring down on him.

* * *

Calvin continued to type for awhile before he looked up.

"I'm just adding a footnote concerning our valiant heroics, Hobbes!" he shouted. "How many A's are there in _fragrant_?"

Hobbes entered, sopping wet and in his pink bathrobe.

"Sorry, Calvin," he replied. "I couldn't hear you over the shower running and all that ominous rattling at the door."

Indeed, someone was trying to break into the office. In fact, a crowbar had been jammed through the locked doorway.

Calvin pounded the desk. "Will the criminal element never tire of invading our inner sanctum?" he demanded.

"Gee, I hope not."

Deciding they'd better take action, they waited until the rattling stopped a few seconds later. Then, pretending their fingers were guns, they stood at opposite sides of the door. After a tense pause, Hobbes opened it, and they boldly pointed their fingers at a pair of tiny men.

"Look!" Calvin cried. "It's those crinkly wee convoys from space!"

"Foolish aliens!" Hobbes said boldly. "Your puny weapons are no match for our superior attitude!"

**_BRZAP!_**

They were nearly fried.

"The pain is almost euphoric," Hobbes groaned.

"It's almost like falling asleep in a tanning booth," Calvin agreed.

They ducked out of the way to avoid more shots. They ran back into their office, ducking beneath the desk.

Multiple shots were fired over them.

When the shots were ceased, they heard the door slam shut, and they dared to peak at the tiny men.

"Look, Calvin!" Hobbes gasped. "They're sealing us in!"

Indeed, the tiny men were using the lasers to seal the door up.

"Isn't that cute?"

"They're like a tiny pair of industrialized doorknobs," Calvin agreed.

* * *

_It was just as I had suspected. Those scrawny little buggers intended on engaging us in a close-quartered death match. It beat doing paperwork. We decided to get cracking. I made my move while they were sealing a window.

* * *

_

Calvin snuck over and grabbed the string on the shade.

"Watch this," he whispered to Hobbes.

He quickly looped the string around the two tiny men and tied them up. Then he pulled on the string, causing them to be yanked from his hand and caught up in the window shade as it flapped into a tightened roll.

Hobbes ran to the closet and pulled something out.

"Can we use this, Calvin?" he asked hopefully. "It's my own fully functional HO Scale Nuclear Reactor. It comes with a built-in microwave."

"Nice."

They placed it on the desk and opened the front of the little toy. Then Calvin pulled the string again. He brought the shade all the way down, and then let it lose again. The tiny little men sailed through the air, bounced off the desk and landed with a pair of thunks in the built-in microwave.

Calvin and Hobbes now addressed the audience.

"Now remember, kids," Calvin said, waving a finger, "never play Spoiled Rotten Invaders in a functioning nuclear reactor."

"Unless you really want to," Hobbes added.

They then both put on sunglasses and pressed a button the nuclear reactor.

**_BOOM!_**

In a multi-colored flash, smoke shot from the twin funnels on the toy, and when it all cleared, they opened the microwave.

"Poke a fork in 'em, Hobbes," Calvin said. "I'd say they're done."

"Shall we sell the TV rights to their autopsy?" Hobbes asked.

They were immediately pinned to the ground by two apparently unaffected tiny spacemen. They clung to their faces.

"Theirs or ours?" Calvin asked.

Calvin tried to pull the tiny spaceman off of his face, but with no luck.

"Boy, they're really on here," he grunted.

"This would be an appropriate time to run around and scream in an overt display of blind terror," Hobbes said.

"Uh, okay."

So for seven seconds, Calvin and Hobbes stumbled and screamed through the office.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!_"

Then they took a five second breather to gasp for breath.

Then they spent another five seconds running and screaming again.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!_"

Then they ripped the tiny men off of their faces and jammed them in the filing cabinet.

"I knew that old sandwich would come in handy someday," Calvin sighed, finally relaxing a little.

"After all," said Hobbes, "why waste food when food can waste unwanted guests?"

Then they noticed a small red dot in the floor, and smoke was beginning to rise from it.

"For our sake, I hope that's the Mole men again," Hobbes muttered.

The red dot then started to move in a circle, trying to cut the floor.

"Conventional methods have failed us, Hobbes," Calvin sighed. "We'll have to resort to our extra-evasive measures."

"You mean we have no other choice?"

"None. Prepare to resort to over paced sight gags and hijinks aplenty."

The minute the two tiny spacemen had burned through the floor, Calvin and Hobbes scooped them up into a box, tied the box up and put a giant rock over it.

"Tierra Del Fuego far enough?" Hobbes asked.

"Try Bora-Bora," said Calvin. "It's easier to spell."

They picked up the package, ran down two flights of stairs, ran out of the mansion and tossed it into a passing mail truck.

Feeling relieved, they went back inside the mansion, only to find the two tiny men were aiming their guns at them again in their own living room.

**_BRZAP! BRZAP!_**

Two shots of red laser nearly blasted through their skulls.

"Persistent little freaks, aren't they?" Calvin grunted.

So they picked them up, tied them up and then tied them to a rocket. Hobbes lit the fuse and watched them jet out the window and to the moon in the night sky.

**_SHOOM!_**

As they watched it fly, Calvin felt warm inside.

"Makes you kind of feel insignificant, doesn't it?" he sighed.

"I always feel that way about you, Calvin," Hobbes nodded.

Just then, the door opened.

In drove a tiny little moon mobile with you-know-who and his twin riding it. Once again they aimed their guns.

Screaming in terror, Calvin and Hobbes dove behind a table.

**_BRZAP! BRZAP!_**

Twin streaks of laser vaporized the table.

"I don't know about you, but these glossy finger puppets are getting on my nerves!" Calvin growled.

"Perhaps if we took a short walk, they'd be gone by the time we got back," Hobbes suggested.

Calvin then opened a nearby school desk and popped the tiny spacemen inside it. Then he put a boulder on top of it.

They both immediately fled the mansion, jumped into a taxi, drove for a while, stopped the taxi, got on a plane, flew the plane, parachuted from the plane, landed in the ocean, dove down into the ocean, found buried treasure and hid in the treasure chest.

Not surprisingly, they heard the sounds of guns being loaded.

"Well, hello there!" Hobbes said happily.

**_BRZAP! BRZAP!_**

In a red blast, the treasure chest exploded.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at them.

* * *

_It was becoming painfully clear that we were up against a pair of indestructible metal maggots that would stop at nothing to ensure that we came to an incredibly slow and torturous end. We did the only thing we could do. We chucked them at a passing shark and swam for home.

* * *

_

Calvin and Hobbes sprinted up the steps to their mansion's front door and slammed the double doors behind them.

"Phew!" they both said.

**_KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!_**

"Oh, _please_!" Hobbes moaned.

"If I know my running gags, Hobbes, those two will be waiting for us on the other side," Calvin agreed.

Knowing they had no choice, they opened the doors and stepped outside to face the music.

But they weren't there!

As the pondered about who had knocked, they didn't think to look behind themselves.

**_BRZAP! BRZAP!_**

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!_" they screamed.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at their smoking behinds with disdain.

"Comedy can be so cruel," Hobbes sighed.

"There's only one way out of this now," Calvin decided. "Suit up!"

They immediately dove into a closet and after a lot of crashing and name-calling, they emerged in their respective masks and capes.

"_STUPENDOUS MAN AND TIGER LAD TO THE RESCUE!_" Stupendous Man shouted.

Stupendous Man immediately grabbed the tiny spacemen and flew up the stairs into the kitchen. Tiger Lad picked up a plastic funnel from the floor. They both flew up into the bathroom.

Stupendous Man dropped them both into the full sink and pulled the plug, and they took great pleasure in watching them swirl down the drain.

Then Tiger Lad slapped the plastic funnel into the drain.

First, Stupendous Man poured acid down the drain.

Then Tiger Lad poured nuclear waste down the drain.

Then they both, wearing protective masks and aprons, poured molten iron down the drain.

Finally, red steam was coming up the drain.

"Mission accomplished!" Stupendous Man said triumphantly.

"Time to kick back!" Tiger Lad agreed.

* * *

_We basked under the evening sun as it set over our fare city. We reclined on a pair of comfortable chairs and relaxed. A tray was brought to our attention. It had a pair of drinks on it. We decided to take them. Then we heard the familiar sound of guns being loaded. Then we remembered the __Butler__ was downstairs and we hadn't asked for drinks.

* * *

_

**_BRZAP! BRZAP!_**

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad landed in a pile of ashes.

"Our comfy chairs!" Tiger Lad shrieked. "This has really gone too far!"

"You said it, old chum," Stupendous Man agreed. "They've forced us to stoop to a level of violent retaliation that even _we _have never stooped to before."

"Promises, promises."

Within moments made possible only by a cartoon cutaway, the two tiny spacemen were tied up to a gigantic pile of fireworks and explosives. Stupendous Man went to light the fuses. Then he jumped into the waiting Stupendous Mobile with Tiger Lad.

But before they could take off, the fuse was finished.

"Ooh," said Tiger Lad. "Next time, try a longer fuse."

**_KABOOM!_**

There was a horrifying explosion that rocked the mansion.

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad were rocked off the building and onto the sidewalk below.

When they looked up, they saw two tiny guns aimed right at them.

"They've won," Stupendous Man said mournfully. "We've been beaten, old friend."

"Bested by a pair of antisocial carnival prizes! How humiliating!" Tiger Lad wailed.

Stupendous Man glared at the tiny men.

"Who are you?" he demanded. "_What _are you? WHO SENT YOU?!"

The tiny spacemen immediately lowered their guns. Then their helmets opened, and two long metallic poles extended from their bodies before twisting around and joining together. Then a small screen dropped down. It crackled into life and a familiar face appeared.

"Hello boys," she sneered, cackling.

They both gasped.

"Babysitter Girl!" they both cried.

"That's right! And I have finally created the ultimate device that will destroy you! Indestructible robots that impervious to harm! When they finally destroy you, I'll be free to _rule the world_!"

And she laughed maniacally.

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad stared at the screen in a vague stupor.

"Oh, is _that_ all!" Stupendous Man said at last.

Babysitter Girl immediately stopped laughing.

"What?" she demanded.

"Man, this has been bothering me all day!" Tiger Lad added.

"_What_?"

"All this time we've been trying to _hurt _them, but it turns out, all we had to do was do something whimsical!"

"_What?!_"

Stupendous Man pulled out his wrist watch.

"Butler?"

"What?" Butler's voice replied.

"Would you mind coming down to the sidewalk? We've got a couple of tiny tin men for you to see to."

"Right on."

In a flash, Butler came bounding down the steps and out onto the sidewalk.

"What do you need me to do?" he asked.

"Get a trace on the source of that transmission and bring Babysitter Girl to us, please."

"Shall I bound and gag her as well?"

"Oh, you always think of _everything_!" Tiger Lad grinned.

"No, wait!" Babysitter Girl shrieked.

Butler extended some electrodes from himself and onto the screen, and with a bolt of electricity Babysitter Girl appeared at his side in a flash.

**_ZAP!_**

And of course, she was bound and gagged.

"A fresh order for the police," Stupendous Man said.

"I hope they don't mind the lack of a card," Tiger Lad said. "We're just not Hallmark people."

"Now then, Butler, you get the Commissioner on the phone, and tell him to bring the cops. We'll take care of these two."

"Gotchya," said Butler, who hopped back up the stairs into the mansion.

Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad stood before their two tiny nemeses.

"All set, Tiger Lad?"

"Ready when you are, Big S."

They both extended their gloved fingers and put them on the robots. Then they started to tickle them. This tickling would continue for a few seconds until finally, sparks flew from the two robots, finally blowing them to bits.

"At last," Stupendous Man said, taking back his hand.

"Yeah," Tiger Lad agreed. "You can only let a gag run for so long before it gets a bit stale."

Babysitter Girl growled at them.

"Relax, toots," Tiger Lad grinned. "You'll be spending a few years in jail. Let's see if you keep coming back after this."

And they both chuckled.

* * *

Later that day, Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad were seeing to it that Babysitter Girl was put away for good.

The Cop watched as she was taken away. "Careful with her, boys," he warned. "You don't want her to shove those boots up your nose!"

The Commissioner turned to the two superheroes. "Stupendous Man, despite the fine job you did today, there's still one thing I don't understand," he said.

"What's that, Commissioner?" asked Tiger Lad.

"How did _tickling _the robots finally destroy them?"

"Well, put simply, the robots were only impervious to harm," Stupendous Man explained. "Subjecting them to pleasure was their main weakness."

"Yes, we all tend to be suckers when it comes to our funny bones," Tiger Lad nodded.

They all chuckled.

Then the Butler began beeping. "Emergency. Emergency. There's an emergency going on," he said.

"What is it, Butler?" Stupendous Man asked.

"The bank's been robbed yet again, Stupendous Man," the Butler explained.

"Ah, a superhero's work is never done."

"Too bad. We could use some vacation days," Tiger Lad sighed.

"Tallyho!"

They both dove into the Stupendous Mobile, which immediately took to the skies above.

However, as they were about to level out and head for the bank, the credits started to roll, and they had to stop where they were in mid-movement. They sat an angle, so as they tried to remain frozen, they began to slide out of the box. Birds flew by and one perched on the highest corner of the box.

**The End**

**Voice Work****:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon: **Calvin _(Narrator)_**  
Bill Murray: **Stupendous Man / Dad (Character Man)**  
Tom Hanks: **Hobbes (Tiger Lad)**  
Norman Lovett: **MTM (Butler)**  
Jennifer Love Hewitt: **Mom (Evil Mom-Lady)**  
Ryan Stiles: **Socrates (The Pranker)**  
Andrew Lawrence: **Andy (The Cop)**  
Colin Mochrie: **Sherman (The Commissioner)**  
Dakota Fanning: **Susie (Victim)**  
Daveigh Chase: **Rosalyn (Babysitter Girl)**  
Dee Bradley Baker: **Various Voices

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Wagoner's ED


	20. Wagoner's ED

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Wagoner's Ed**

"Is the first bomb ready for deploying, yet, Jack?!" Dr Brainstorm screeched in his jet one bright day in August.

Jack was leaning back in his seat beside the driver's seat. His feet were propped against the console, and for an odd change, today he was drinking a V8.

"Yeah, sure," He yawned. "Why not?"

"EXCELLENT!!!" Brainstorm shrieked for the fifth time that day. "I'M A GENIUS!!!"

He leaped over to his window and peered out of it. He was currently circling Sneer Hill.

"Those little punks aren't even suspecting a thing! They're simply carrying on about their business completely unaware of my presence!!"

Jack rolled his eyes.

* * *

Meanwhile, back down on Mother Earth, Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were playing Calvinball. Well, Sherman wasn't really. He was sitting off to the side, reading a tiny novel, while wearing a tiny pair of spectacles. It was an odd sight really.

Socrates looked up at the sky.

"Is that guy still up there?" He asked, rather annoyed.

Hobbes, who was holding the Calvinball looked up at the sky, also.

"Yep." He nodded.

"He's been up there for over forty five minutes. Is he going to do anything?" Andy groaned.

"Probably not." Calvin said. "Alright, guys, I'm in the Zone of Wisdom, so I now get to make a decree for who was to spend the next section of the game in the Solitude Spot."

* * *

"JACK INITIATE THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!" Brainstorm screeched.

Jack, obviously bored out of his skull, flipped a switch on the console.

"TEN SECONDS TO THE DESTRUCTION OF SNEER HILL." A computer voice rang out through the ship.

"EXCELLENT!!" Brainstorm shouted.

He and Jack waited for a moment.

"Has it been ten seconds, yet?" Brainstorm asked.

Jack yawned.

There was another short pause.

Jack checked his watch.

Brainstorm began humming, quietly.

Thirty seconds dragged by before Brainstorm realized that something was wrong.

"Jack, why hasn't the bomb deployed, yet?!" He demanded, angrily.

"Oh, I don't know, let me just check my magic 'why' meter." Jack said, glaring at Brainstorm.

"I demand that you go check and see why it's not falling on those punks!" Brainstorm ordered. "And I'll have you know that that little sarcasm of yours is going right into my report!!"

"I could care less."

"WHAT?!"

"I said, oh no. Not your report. Won't you make an exception just this one time?"

Brainstorm crossed his arms.

"I'm sorry Jack, but this is what they call tough love. It has to be done!" He said, coldly.

"Whatever," Jack yawned, getting up from his seat, and walking over to end of the jet.

There was a pause.

"Hmm," Jack said, finally. "It seems like the bomb is stuck."

"What?!" Brainstorm demanded. "Unstick it, then!"

"It's gotten jammed in the ship's main control room." Jack said. "If we mess with it, it will go off."

"How the heck did it get stuck in there?!" Brainstorm moaned.

"How am I supposed to know? It's your ship." Jack replied.

"RRRRRGH!! Fine! We'll go down and destroy them ourselves! Come, Jack! We have much work to do!"

"Yeah, you do, anyway."

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"I said, yes. Lots of work. We have a busy fifteen minutes ahead of us."

"That's better. Now come on!"

* * *

"Alright, I've found the Flag of Secrecy!" Socrates announced, holding up a red flag. "Which means I get a week-long shield from being tackled!"

"Since when is there a Flag of Secrecy?" Calvin demanded, walking up to Socrates.

"Since I announced finding it eight seconds ago." Socrates said.

"That doesn't seem fair." Calvin said, his right eyebrow jumping.

"It's completely fair. How can games be unfair if there's no rules?" Socrates asked.

"That's beyond the point. You can't just say that we can't tackle you just because you find a stupid flag!"

"Well, I just did" Socrates sniffed, crossing his arms, "and what are you going to do about it?"

Hobbes and Andy, meanwhile, were standing off to the side, watching all this unfold.

"Well, I guess the game's over," Andy said, turning to Hobbes.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"What am I going to do about it? I'm going to take that stupid flag from you, tear it up and declare a rule that no one says we can't tackle you!" Calvin threatened, starting towards Socrates.

"You're going to have to work the get the flag," Socrates said, holding the flag over his head.

Calvin made a grab for it. In case you don't remember, this boy is quite short compared to Hobbes and Socrates. So in other words, Socrates didn't need to hold up so high to keep it from him.

"Give me the flag!" Calvin ordered, trying to climb up Socrates' stomach.

"No," Socrates said, stiffly, holding the flag up as if it was a big prize to him.

"Give me the flag or I'll...."

_BOOOM!!!_

A shockwave exploded through the entire mountain, nearly causing Calvin and the gang to lose their balance. Trees shook and pine cones rained onto the ground.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates all looked around in shock.

"What the heck was that?" Andy demanded.

"T'was **_ME!!!_**" Screamed a ridiculously hyperactive voice behind the group.

Everyone turned. Their expressions softened.

"Oh. Hey, Frank." Calvin said, boredly.

"_**DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!**_"

Brainstorm was standing in front of a huge boulder with Jack, holding a large device in his hands that undoubtably caused the earthquake.

Brainstorm advanced over Calvin.

"So, Calvin, we meet once again!" He said, triumphantly.

"Yep," Calvin yawned.

"I can see you're currently marveling at my amazing earthquake-o-matic!"

"Mm-hmm,"

"It's just a quick little invention I threw together last night and..."

"How could you have thrown it together last night?" Andy asked, raising an eyebrow. "You had it with you last time you attacked us on Thursday."

"You have to take whatever he says with a grain of salt." Jack said.

"SHUT UP, JACK!!" Brainstorm snapped. "And don't think I'm not going to remember all of this!!"

"All this what?" Jack inquired.

"All of your sarcastic little remarks about my work!"

"Which were what, again?"

There was a pause.

"I can't be bothered with these trivial little quizzes, Jack! I'm a very busy man! What do you think this is, 20 Questions?!?"

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Now if you don't mind I need to go back to destroying...."

Brainstorm whipped around to the gang.

They had vanished.

"Hey! Where'd they go?" Brainstorm demanded.

"I believe they just rode off in their wagon." Jack said.

Brainstorm leaped back to Jack.

"And you just sat there and let them _do _it?!" He shrieked.

"I wonder why that Calvin kid always drags that wagon around with him." Jack wondered. "Don't you think it gets a little tiring at times?"

"Never mind that, Jack! We need to catch them before they go and alert the authorities!!!"

"You mean their parents?"

"Shut up and get over here!"

Brainstorm whipped out his hypercube, turned it upside down and began shaking it, violently.

Jack watched silently.

A good fifteen seconds went by before Brainstorm finally found what he was looking for. A poorly built jeep tumbled out of the hypercube and crashed onto the ground. Conveniently, on it's wheels.

The Jeep was camouflage colored, and from what Jack could see, was mere moments from falling completely apart. And Brainstorm was leaping in the driver's seat, and buckling up.

"JACK!! GET IN HERE!!!"

"Can I review my insurance policy, first?" Jack asked.

"GET IN THE CAR!!!"

Reluctantly, Jack climbed into the passenger side of the jeep, buckled up, and promptly propped his feet against the dashboard.

Brainstorm frantically began attempting to start the engine.

Jack watched him quietly.

Brainstorm turned the key.

_WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!_

The motor turned over several times but did not start.

This continued for a few more seconds.

"How's it coming?" Jack asked, finally.

Brainstorm glared at him.

"Jack?" He said, calmly.

"Hmmm?" Jack replied.

"Shut up."

"I can go with that," Jack shrugged, pulling a coke out of the dashboard.

Brainstorm continued attempting to start the engine.

Finally, after an entire minute of turning the key, the engine started up, and Brainstorm was now frantically putting his seatbelt on.

"Frank, do you really believe we can catch those guys with this beat up jeep?" Jack sighed. "They've already gotten a two minute head start."

"Yes We Can!!" Brainstorm announced. "Now shut up and buckle up!"

Jack rolled his eyes, and put his seat belt on.

"**_AND MY NAME'S DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!_**"

"Sure,"

There was a screech of tires against dirt, as the car roared down the hill after the wagon.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and the gang were taking their regular route down Sneer Hill, which would lead them directly to the house. It was a very tight squeeze, what with Andy, Sherman, Socrates and Hobbes all in the wagon behind Calvin.

"What's the current situation?" Calvin asked, trying not to take his eyes away from the path.

Andy looked over his shoulder.

Brainstorm's jeep was crashing down the hill towards the wagon.

"Perhaps more rugged terrain would be suitable," He said.

"Rugged. Gotchya," Calvin said, jerking the wagon to the left, and towards a different path.

Hobbes looked off towards the right.

"Uh, Calvin, home is that way," He said, trying to keep calm.

"Yes, Hobbes, I'm aware of that." Calvin said.

"Ok, I was just checking." Hobbes said. "So you do know what you're doing?"

"Yep."

"That's good."

There was a pause.

Hobbes peered off in front of Calvin.

"Calvin, we're heading towards a cliff." He said.

"Yes we are," Calvin nodded.

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"Are we expected to make this jump, here?" Hobbes asked.

"Mm-hmm," Calvin said.

"Are you sure we can make that?" Hobbes asked, rather quietly.

"Yep." Calvin nodded.

"Is it too late to jump out?" Hobbes asked.

"Yep."

And with that, the wagon wheels left the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAUUGH!!!" Hobbes suddenly screamed, losing his cool and covering his eyes, in terror.

The wagon fell through the air, and finally made contact with the Earth again.

A big jolt went through the wagon, but somehow Calvin managed to keep it from falling over.

"There!" Calvin said, turning a smug grin onto Hobbes. "I believe you owe me an apology, my friend!"

Andy, Sherman, and Socrates all rolled their eyes, while Hobbes tried to calm down.

"Now, we can make our way home, and we can begin mapping out our next Calvinball..." Calvin turned back to face the road.

They were racing towards a giant boulder.

One split second went by in which everyone realized what was about to happen.

_Darn._ Calvin thought.

**_CRASH!!!_**

* * *

Brainstorm jerked the wheel to the left and roared after Calvin.

"HOLD ON TO YOUR SODA, JACK!! WE'RE TAKING A DIVE!!" Brainstorm screamed.

Jack finished drinking the soda, the promptly threw the can on the car's floor.

The Brainstorm jeep basically flew off of the cliff after Calvin and Hobbes, and it too landed with a large crash, but by some miracle managed to stay upright.

"HA HA!" Brainstorm screamed. "We made it! Plus are target has stopped!"

Jack squinted outside.

"Oh. Their wagon hit rock." He said.

"GREAT! Excavate that rock once they're destroyed and we'll place it on display at the lab!!"

"Sure," Jack rolled his eyes.

Brainstorm slammed on the brakes as the car threw up several tons of dirt.

Once the car stopped, Brainstorm struggled to get out of his seat belt, grabbed his servant ray and leaped out of the car.

"AH HA!!" Brainstorm screamed, as he emerged from the car. "I see you've completely succumbed to my mighty might!! PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED!!!"

In the crash, Calvin and the gang had been thrown from the wagon and were lying in the bushes.

Jack stepped out of the car and looked over at them.

His bored expression vanished and was immediately replaced with a little bit of fear.

Andy was laying on the ground, moaning and gripping his leg, which looked like it had been twisted in the crash.

Brainstorm aimed his servant ray at the gang.

"SERVANT RAY DO NOT DESTROY....." Then he stopped. He saw Andy. He clearly did not look good. His face had gone pale and the leg that he was holding onto looked like it was a bit off.

"Uuuh... What's wrong?" Brainstorm started nervously.

Jack walked over to Andy, and looked at his leg.

"Hmm, he dislocated it." He observed, calmly.

"HE WHAT?!?!" Brainstorm screeched. "NO!! He can't do that!!"

"He just did." Jack said.

"WHY?!?!" Brainstorm screamed.

"Because I just crashed into a stupid boulder!!" Andy screamed, exasperated.

Fear and guilt flooded Brainstorm's eyes.

Then he freaked out.

"NO! He can't be hurt! Maybe he just strained it! It's not dislocated! HE'LL BE FINE!! YOU CAN'T SUE ME!! **_WHY ARE YOU ALL STARING AT ME?!?!?_**"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Sherman hopped over to Andy and examined his leg. Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates regained themselves and came to look, too.

"It doesn't look like it's going to be too bad," Sherman said. "We just need to pop his leg back into place."

"I'll do it!" Socrates offered, cheerfully, stepping forward.

"Get away from me!" Andy warned, flashing Socrates a dangerous glare.

"Righto!" Socrates said, stepping back.

"I can do it," Jack said, looking over Andy's leg.

Andy looked him up and down suspiciously.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yeah, Sherman's right. It looks pretty simple." Jack shrugged. "Plus, I'm a robot with artificial intelligence that's linked to the internet. I think I know a thing or two about the human body."

"Alright, fine," Andy sighed. "You're the only person without a license who I'm going to let do this."

Jack shrugged, and walked over to Andy and took Andy's leg in his hands.

"Now I need you to try and relax," He said. "Take a deep breath in, and try to ignore Frank's screaming like a gut-wrenched banshie."

"THAT'S GOING INTO MY REPORT, JACK!!!"

"Wait," Andy started. "Aren't you going to give me some kind of anesthetic?"

Jack thought for a moment.

"Actually, yes," He said, finally. "We're gonna have to give you about 20 CCs of... GRAB HIM!!!"

At that moment Socrates grabbed Andy and held him down as Jack quickly adjusted his leg.

_CRACK!!_

"AAAAAAUGH!!!" Andy screamed.

"DON'T HURT HIM _MORE_, JACK!!!!" Brainstorm wailed, falling to his knees in panic.

"Fixed," Jack said, standing back up.

There was a pause.

"Fixed?" Brainstorm asked.

"Fixed," Jack replied. "How do you feel, Andy?"

Andy felt his leg.

"It.... feels better now!" He said, a grin spreading onto his face.

"Good," Jack nodded. "Try standing on it."

Andy, slowly sat up, and pushed himself off from the ground, putting weight on his injured leg.

"Yeah, it's better, now!" Andy said, happily.

"Good," Jack repeated. "Any pain?"

"Little bit. Not too bad, though." Andy shrugged.

There was a pause.

"Soooo.. You're all better then?" Brainstorm asked.

Andy nodded.

Silence.

"MARK MY WORDS, CALVIN!!!" Brainstorm screamed, whipping back to Calvin. "THIS ISN'T OVER YET!! YOU MAY HAVE WON THE BATTLE, BUT THE WAR RAGES ON!!!_ REVENGE SHALL BE MINE!!!_"

"Do you even know what you're talking about, anymore?" Calvin asked.

"Probably not," Jack shook his head.

"COME JACK!!! WE HAVE TO RECUPERATE OUR STRATAGEMS!!"

"Of course we do," Jack yawned, walking after Brainstorm as he leaped back into the jeep, and frantically began trying to start it. "See you guys later," Jack waved to the gang.

"See ya, Jack," Calvin said as they all waved back.

"JACK!! STOP MAKING CONTACT WITH THE **_ENEMY!!!_** WE HAVE A REPUTATION TO HOLD UP!!!"

Jack rolled his eyes and climbed into the jeep.

There was another explosion of dirt, and the jeep roared to life.

"REVENGE!!!" Brainstorm screeched, as he drove off.

Calvin and the gang rolled their eyes.

There was a pause, as the gang watched the jeep zoom off back towards the Brainstorm jet.

"Well," Andy said, looking over at Calvin. "Shall we resume the game?"

Calvin looked Andy up and down.

"Are you sure you're OK, Andy?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"I'm fine," Andy assured him. "Let's get back to the game, does anyone remember the score?"

"That's actually the first real serious injury that's happened with the wagon," Calvin said, looking down at Andy's leg.

"Well, it's better, now." Andy sighed. "You can stop worrying about..."

"What if it happens to someone else?" Calvin considered, looking over at Hobbes, Socrates and Sherman. "Next time it might not be so simple."

"Calvin, it's fine," Andy said. "My leg is fine. Please don't start obsessing, now."

"I've actually been kind of worried for my physical well-being in that red metal death trap, too." Hobbes said, suddenly.

"Well, of course _you _would be!" Andy groaned. "Don't you start, now, Hobbes!"

"Alright, then! So it's decided!" Calvin grinned.

Andy's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"What's decided, Calvin?" He sighed.

"I have to begin construction on my official Wagon Safety Curriculum!" Calvin announced, proudly.

"You're what?" Andy demanded.

Calvin, however did not answer, because he was already running off towards the house.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched him go.

"There goes a brave, brave man." Socrates said. "Interestedly enough towards an old booby trap of mine! This should be quite entertaining!"

Andy's head fell to his chest.

"Oh god," He moaned. "We have an eventful day ahead of us."

* * *

When Hobbes got home that evening, he returned to find Calvin was working hard at his desk.

"Okay, I'll bite," he said, sighing heavily. "What are you doing?"

"Precisely what I said I'd do! I'm going to start a school on wagon safety!"

"What do you know about wagon safety?"

"Everything Mom and Dad told me when they _got _me the wagon."

"And that is…?"

"Hobbes, you're going to have to wait until class time on Saturday to find out. If I told you now, that wouldn't be fair to the other students."

"And that's, who, Socrates, Andy and Sherman?" Hobbes asked, counting off on his fingers.

Calvin turned around to face Hobbes.

"Hobbes, today, we had a serious accident. Suppose something _worse _had happened to Andy? Suppose he'd _lost _his leg! It'd be my fault! I need to make sure it doesn't happen."

"And this is your answer?"

"Hobbes, go to bed. We shall discuss this more on the day we start class."

Hobbes let out a weary sigh and climbed under the bed sheets, dreading the weekend for the first time ever.

* * *

Saturday came far too quickly for all concerned.

Calvin had decided he'd hold the class in the backyard. He'd set up the yard to look like a classroom. There was a long wooden table with three chairs seated behind it. Before them was a rather large whiteboard with dry-erase markers on it. Next to it was a regular desk with a wooden chair behind it.

At that particular moment, Calvin, Hobbes and MTM were the only ones in the yard.

Hobbes was sitting at the table, his head in his hand as he began to doze off again.

MTM sat dutifully on the desk.

Calvin was waiting impatiently in front of the whiteboard. He was holding a pointer and was tapping his foot in the grass, checking his watch.

"They're now fifteen minutes late," Calvin declared, irritated. "Hobbes, you told them to come at 9:00 didn't you?"

"Uh-huh," Hobbes murmured.

"Well, I'm getting tired of waiting. MTM, teleport them here!"

"Alright, Calvin," MTM replied.

There was a pause.

Then there was a field of electricity over the chairs next to Hobbes.

**_BRZAP!_**

Socrates, Andy and Sherman suddenly appeared. Andy and Socrates dropped into the seats, and Sherman dropped off to the side, being too small for a chair.

They looked around, disoriented yet frantic.

Socrates was the first to clue in to what was going on.

"Aw man," he groaned. "I keep forgetting he can do that!"

"Yeah," Andy grumbled. "For all you know, I could've been the middle of something incredibly important!"

Calvin arched an eyebrow.

"Andy, you spend all your free time in your living room or bedroom playing a videogame of some sort. What could you _possibly _be doing that's so important?"

Andy squirmed and said nothing in response.

Sherman rolled his eyes and addressed Calvin.

"Calvin, I'm all for education and safety, but this all seems a bit frivolous. You might be taking this a bit too far," he said.

"Sherman, I value and appreciate your opinion and shall bear it in mind for future use," Calvin said.

"Really?"

"No. Shall we begin class?"

Everyone settled down huffily.

Calvin went to the board and picked up a marker. He promptly drew a crude picture of the wagon in blue dry-erase ink.

"Welcome to Wagoner's ED, everyone," he said, holding his hands behind his back, the pointer sticking up in the air. "Today, we shall learn how to handle your basic little red wagon. Shall we get started?"

Socrates raised his hand.

"Can I go to the restroom?" he asked.

"No. Okay, class, what is this?" he asked, motioning to the picture with his pointer.

"A pointer?" Socrates asked, raising his hand.

Calvin glared at him.

"No, _this_!" he said, thwacking the board with the tip of the pointer.

"A whiteboard?" Socrates asked, raising his hand again.

"_This_?!" Calvin grunted, swatting the drawing repeatedly.

"Is it you getting upset?"

"STOP IT!"

"See, I was right!"

Calvin threw the pointer in Socrates' direction, only for it to fall short of the table.

"Look _that _is a wagon!" Calvin shouted, pointing with his finger instead.

"No it isn't," Socrates said indignantly.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ISN'T?!"

"It's a brownie with a sucker in the front."

Calvin looked at his drawing.

"Then what are those?" he demanded, pointing at his wheels.

"I don't know. _You _drew it."

Calvin glared at him.

Calvin came back from the garage awhile later with the actual wagon.

"Okay, what's this?" he demanded, pointing at it.

"Your finger?" Socrates asked, raising his hand.

Calvin slapped his forehead.

"It's a wagon, you sarcastic idiot!" he said stiffly.

Socrates just grinned sweetly.

Calvin climbed into the wagon.

"Okay, see this?" he asked, holding up the steering handle. "This is the handle. It handles steering."

Everyone stared at him.

Calvin then twisted the handle to the left.

"This makes it go to the left."

He twisted it the other way.

"This makes it go to the right."

There was a pause.

"Are you getting all this down?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Everyone sighed and reluctantly began writing what Calvin had just said on a piece of paper. When they were done, he continued.

"Okay, a few tips on steering safety," he said. "Never, under any circumstance, let the handle fall out of your grip. The handle can slide to the side and catch on any lose objects. The sudden grip can cause the wagon to swerve unexpectedly and throw you to your untimely death."

Everyone stopped writing and stared at him.

"At Wagoner's ED, we have no school board of directors to enforce sugar-coating," Calvin said, shrugging.

"'We'?" Hobbes asked.

"Please, there will be time for questions later," Calvin said, holding up a hand. "Now then, next order of business: turn signals."

Everyone stared at him incredulously.

Calvin put his left arm out in a straight line.

"That one means left turn," he said.

He bent it to a ninety degree angle, fingers upwards.

"This one means right turn."

He turned it so the fingers were now pointing downwards.

"This one means stop."

Socrates raised his hand.

Calvin sighed.

"What now?" he asked.

"What does this one mean?" Socrates asked.

He held up both his hands against each other, putting his thumbs out, and then lowered his pinkie fingers.

"Bark! Bark!" he said.

Calvin stared at him wearily for a long throbbing moment.

"Sit down," he said.

Socrates simply grinned and sat down.

"These signs are essential to the courtesy of other motorists," Calvin continued. "They need to know what you're doing, or else there could be an accident. Wagons don't have taillights. Remember that."

"We'll do our best," Andy sighed, still writing it out.

"That's all I'm asking."

They sighed.

"Now we move onto some basic wagon safety."

Calvin pulled out the hypercube, from which he produced several helmets.

"Alright," he said. "As you probably already know, the purpose of the helmet is to protect the brains of people that are willing to engage in life-or-death situations. The helmet originated because people were dumb enough to crack their heads open in these activities. Rather than stop doing these activities, this unattractive plastic hat was designed to protect these already damaged brains."

Calvin proceeded in placing a yellow helmet on his head. He strapped it on.

"Now then, next order of business," he said, reaching into the hypercube, "emergency exits."

Calvin pulled out a sign that, in red writing, said EMEREGENCY EXITS. He stuck it in the middle of the wagon.

"Okay," he said. "Essentially all Emergency Exits are here, here, here, here, here, and…here."

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Calvin removed the sign and tossed it aside.

"In the very likely case of the need to make an emergency exit, we use our special parachutes," he said, reaching into the hypercube.

"What parachutes?!" Sherman demanded.

Calvin pulled a pair of umbrellas.

"These," he said.

Everyone heaved a sigh, but they continued writing.

"Now then," Calvin said, putting the umbrellas aside, "now that we've covered the basics, we are going to take a short five question quiz."

"A _quiz_?!" Andy groaned.

"Yes, a quiz," Calvin replied.

"But we've only been at this for a few minutes!" Hobbes added.

"MTM?"

"Check," MTM said.

MTM began printing out four sheets of paper.

Calvin took them and passed them out to the others.

Sighing, the four of them took their pencils and began to write.

"Be sure to include your name, the date, the class and your shoe size. Failure to do so will result in points being taken off. When you are finished, turn your tests over and wait until I say before you speak again," Calvin added before going to his desk. He picked up a comic book and began to read it.

The others glared at him for a moment before they continued.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Calvin checked his watch and deemed it appropriate to pick the tests.

"Okay, time's up!" he announced, getting up and approaching the others.

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman had already turned their tests over and they were waiting silently.

Socrates, however, was still writing determinedly on his test. He held up a finger to signify that he wasn't ready yet.

Calvin took the other tests, and then slowly began to drag away Socrates' paper. Socrates quickened his writing pace as much as he could, and following the paper as it went. Calvin sighed and began to take the tests away, Socrates writing as much more as he could.

"Another deadline met," Sherman sighed.

Calvin gathered the tests and took them back to his desk.

"I'll grade these for the next few minutes," he said. "Talk amongst yourselves."

The others exchanged glances before relaxing and talking to each other.

Calvin sat down and pulled out a red ink pen and began to grade the tests.

Minutes later, Calvin stood before the class.

"Students," he said, "I've completed grading you tests, and I have to say, the results are interesting."

"How?" Hobbes asked, not exactly caring.

"Well, you, Andy and Sherman all got perfect scores," Calvin said, handing their papers back.

"And me?" Socrates asked, grinning like a lunatic.

Calvin arched an eyebrow, glanced at the paper, and then looked back at him.

"Well… Socrates, you wrote out your name, the date, and then you sort of…seem to have drawn several small aliens throwing snowballs at a man with large teeth."

"He's supposed to look British."

Everyone stared at him.

"Socrates," Calvin sighed, "I am increasingly beginning to suspect you don't respect this class."

"Really?"

"Really."

There was a pause.

"So what are you gonna do?"

"You'll have to retake the test."

Socrates stared at him.

"I have to take it _again_?" he asked, sounding disappointed.

"Yes, you can go sit over there in the corner until you're done. We'll be continuing the class over here when you're ready to join us."

Socrates grumbled, got up and headed for a chair in the corner of the yard.

"MTM, print him a new test, will you?"

"Right on," MTM replied.

MTM spat out a fresh test for Socrates, who glared at him and got to work.

Calvin resumed his original stance at the front of the class.

"Okay, if we're ready to begin?" Calvin said. "I'd like to move on to actually _moving _the wagon."

Calvin took the handle of the wagon.

"I'll need someone to help me. Hobbes? Will you get behind the wagon, please?"

Hobbes hesitated, but eventually decided to get up and give it a try. He walked behind the wagon and waited.

"Alright, class," Calvin said, climbing into the wagon. "I'm going to demonstrate how a wagon moves. Hobbes? Push the wagon forwards."

Hobbes nodded and got behind the wagon, putting his paws on the rear and pushing forward. Calvin turned the handle to maneuver the wagon around the yard.

Andy and Sherman watched this from the table, both falling asleep.

Socrates glanced up from his test once in a while to watch, still irritated.

Calvin directed the wagon in a few simple figure eights.

Hobbes was getting annoyed with this very quickly.

When they were nearly back where they started, Calvin held his hand out in its stop signal. This somehow registered with Hobbes' brain, and he brought it to a stop.

"Good job, Hobbes," Calvin said, nodding at him.

Hobbes glared and crossed his arms, standing up straight again.

"Now that we've got those basics down, I'd like to finish by putting some emphasis on the risks that can be involved in driving or riding in a wagon. Hobbes, you may want to sit down."

Hobbes rolled his eyes and sat down at his seat.

"How're we doing over there, Socrates?" Calvin shouted.

Socrates grumbled as he finished his test. He got up and walked over, handing it to Calvin, who quickly read it over. He nodded.

"Much better," he said. "Take your seat."

Socrates sat down grumpily in his seat, slouching and folding his arms.

Calvin faced the class.

"Now then, as you know, wagons are dangerous things, and they are not to be taken lightly. I've prepared the following presentations to demonstrate this. Please watch. Viewer discretion is advised."

"Wait, what?" Andy asked, suddenly snapping to attention.

Calvin ignored him.

"MTM?" he said. "Roll the clips."

"If you say so…," MTM said warily.

MTM emitted a hologram projection in front of the class. A crude animated sequence started.

"The following scenes are based on true events," an announcer said.

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman stared nervously at the screen.

Calvin went off to the side at his desk and casually thumbed through a magazine.

About an hour later, Calvin checked his watch. Satisfied, he put his magazine away and got up. He tapped MTM, who took the hint and deactivated the hologram.

"So…," he said, glancing over at the others. "Do we get the point now?"

Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman looked stunned, frightened, and a little bit sick.

"Can I go to the bathroom now?" Socrates whimpered, raising his hand.

Calvin nodded.

"Yes, now seems a good time for us to take a half hour break. We'll come back for some more training when you get back."

Shakily, everyone got up and left the table and headed inside Calvin's house.

Calvin leaned against the desk next to MTM.

"Well, I think that went well," he said cheerfully.

"Yeah," MTM said unsurely. "You've got them puking in the palm of your hand."

Calvin glared at him.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Calvin waiting for the others to come back.

They came out of the house, single-file, all looking a little better.

"Okay, everyone, sit down," he ordered.

They took their seats.

"The next part of this class is about look for signs of safety," he said. "As you saw in the video, there are some dangers on the path when using a wagon, and as such, you need to know how to observe the signs."

Calvin began to draw on the board with a green marker.

"Now, I'm sure you all know this one," he said. "Everyone except Socrates."

Socrates glared at him.

Calvin drew a picture of a tree. Then he began drawing some green splotchy stuff on the side.

"Okay, what does that mean?" he asked.

Everyone stared at it in confusion.

"Um… It's a tree?" Andy guessed.

"It's not just a tree," Calvin said, glaring.

"Yes, it is," Hobbes said.

"No, it's _not_!"

"What is it then?" Socrates asked, slouching in his seat and crossing his arms.

"It's a tree!" Calvin said, agitated.

"But that's what I said!" Andy cried.

"Look at what's _on _the tree!"

They stared at it.

"Okay, one side's drawn a little heavier than the other," Sherman said, "but I hardly see how _that_—"

"Okay, forget it! I'll just tell you! Moss always grows on the north side of the tree!"

Hobbes squinted his eyes.

"_That's _moss?" he asked.

"Of course it is!"

"Your moss looks weird," Socrates said.

"What's weird about it?!"

"It's just a blotch," Andy said, tilting his head to the side.

"Moss _is_ a blotch!"

"Actually, it's an organism," Sherman corrected.

"I don't care what it is! Moss grows on the north side of the tree! If you're ever lost in the forest, just check for some moss, and it'll help you find your way home!"

"Well you should've just said so!" Hobbes shouted.

Calvin slapped his forehead and calmed himself down.

"Okay," he said, his anger not quite gone yet, "let's move on to the next one, shall we?"

He drew on the whiteboard a pair of lines. Then he drew a bunch of little specks and few other things on it.

"Okay," he said. "Does anyone know what this is?"

They stared at the picture.

"An incomplete Tic-Tac-Toe game that someone put a cigarette out on," Socrates asked.

"Anyone _besides_ Socrates?" Calvin asked, glancing around.

"Is that supposed to be a road?" Andy asked, looking closely.

"_Yes_, thank you," Calvin said with much relief. "Now then—"

"You drew two lines and thought we'd know they're a road?" Sherman demanded.

"It's a road with debris on it!" Calvin shouted.

"You can't draw," Hobbes said matter-of-factly.

"SHUT UP!"

"What's this supposed to teach us exactly?" Andy asked.

"It's a sign! It means there's a dangerous animal on the other side."

"Or that it was just a little windy earlier," Sherman added.

Calvin glared at him. "Don't talk unless you raise your—"

"You're making this up as you go along, aren't you?" Socrates sighed.

"He was up all night, actually," MTM commented.

"EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET FOR A MINUTE!!"

They looked at him, grinning innocently.

"Okay, I'll draw two more," he said, his face beet red.

He erased everything and drew something new. It was a long vertical line. Then he drew two backwards 'L's, one right-side-up and one upside-down. He drew a dotted line to connect the two. Then he drew a curved arrow heading into the

"Okay, does anyone want to guess this one?" he asked snappily.

Socrates started, "Is it—?"

"WRONG! IT'S AN OPENING NEXT TO THE ROAD!! ANYONE KNOW WHAT IT'S FOR?!"

"It's for—"

"NO! IT'S THERE IN CASE YOU NEED TO MAKE AN ESCAPE! _WRITE IT DOWN_!"

Everyone sighed and began to draw the picture.

While they were doing that, Calvin erased the picture and drew a horizontal line with two lines head towards it. He drew some trees on either side, and then drew treetops across the horizontal one.

"OKAY, THIS?!" he shouted.

No one spoke.

"IT MEANS THERE'S A CLIFF COMING UP! THOSE TREES ALONG THE TOP ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE! _WRITE IT, BLAST YOU_!!"

They all wrote frantically.

Calvin erased it again.

"OKAY, NOW WE'RE GOING TO ACTUALLY _RIDE THE WAGON_!! GET IN THE GARAGE!"

Hobbes raised his hand. "But we—"

"_DO IT_!"

"Okay."

Everyone got up and ran into the garage.

Calvin stood where he was, trembling all over, until he finally managed to settle himself down.

* * *

Later, in the garage, Hobbes was sitting in the wagon while the others stood off to the side. Calvin was holding a clipboard and a pen.

"Okay," he said. "Hobbes, I want you to demonstrate for me your basic knowledge of the hand signals."

Hobbes nodded, settling down.

"Okay, you're going down a slope on the hill, and you need to make a turn to avoid a giant rock in the way. You need to ease over to the right. How do you signal it?"

Hobbes held out his arm and bent it to a ninety degree angle, fingers upwards.

"Good, good," Calvin said. "Now there's a tree stump coming up in your path. You must make a left turn. Signal it."

Hobbes bent his arm out into a straight line.

"Good, good," Calvin said, writing something on the clipboard. "Now, you see something coming out on the side of the road. How do you stop?"

Hobbes leaned to the side, twisting the handle around.

"And signal it now!"

Hobbes put out one arm, his fingers pointed downwards, and a look of desperation on his face.

"Good. Now then, it turns out to be a very slow turtle. What do you do?"

Hobbes began shaking his fist in the air.

"And if a policeman is present."

Hobbes put a pleasant smile on his face and waved friendlily.

"Good, good, excellent," Calvin said, writing down some more stuff.

Now it was Andy's turn. He saw in the wagon while Calvin wrote on the clipboard.

"Next question," he said. "You've just been involved in a three-car accident, and you're incredibly mad. What is the proper response?"

Andy immediately got up and started shouting nonsense and spat on the ground.

"Good!" Calvin said, writing down. "And what is the proper response if a policeman is present."

Andy got down on one knee and bowed.

"Good, good," Calvin said, writing more stuff down, "but try to act a bit more humble in future."

Sherman sighed.

Now it was Sherman's turn. He was dangling from the handle while Calvin watched him.

"Okay, you're doing well so far," he said. "Last, I'll need you to do a few quick turns around the driveway. Just do one figure-eight."

Sherman nodded.

Andy pushed the back of the wagon down the driveway.

The wagon rattled slowly out onto the driveway outside the garage. Signaling his left turn, he shifted his weight on the handle, making it turn, and it swerved to the left, heading across the path, and then he signaled right, swerving the wagon into a full turn and went across the path again. Signaling his left again, he finished the turn again and headed back into the garage.

Hobbes and Socrates stared in shock.

Calvin simply wrote it down in his notes.

"Good," he said, concentrating on taking notes.

Now it was time for Socrates, sitting happily in the wagon, bouncing with excitement.

"Socrates, settle down," Hobbes whispered.

"Yeah, if you screw this up, we have to do this whole thing again tomorrow," Andy added.

Socrates sniffed and continued.

Calvin approached him with the clipboard.

"Okay," he said. "Are you ready?"

"Stupid question," Socrates replied. "Of _course _I'm ready."

"Okay, we're going to start with some basic—"

"GET YOUR MOTOR RUNNING!" Socrates shouted.

They stopped to stare at him.

"What?" Calvin asked, squinting at him.

"HEAD OUT ON THE HIGHWAY!" Socrates continued.

They all looked at each other.

"Socrates, please, if you can just concentrate…," Calvin continued, writing on his clipboard.

"LOOKING FOR ADVENTURE!"

"Socrates, please…"

"AND WHATEVER COMES OUR WAY!"

"Socrates, I'm warning you…"

"YEAH DARLIN', GO MAKE IT HAPPEN!"

"If you don't stop this…"

"TAKE THIS WORLD IN A LOVE EMBRACE!"

"Stop it. Just stop it!"

"FIRE ALL OF YOUR GUNS AT ONCE AND…"

"_Socrates…_"

"…EXPLODE INTO SPACE!"

Finally, after an entire day of being heckled and annoyed by Socrates, and after trying to do something he considered "nice", Calvin just lost it. He charged behind the wagon Socrates was sitting in and gave it a good solid kick.

**_CLANG!_**

The wagon slowly began to roll out of the garage.

"Wheeee!" Socrates cheered happily.

The wagon bucked and bounced down the driveway and towards the road.

"Okay, no problem," Hobbes said hopefully. "He'll either roll towards a neighbor's house or into the ditch."

Socrates, however, was up for a ride, and he hung a right turn onto the road.

"…or not," Hobbes sighed.

"Irresponsible twit!" Calvin shouted. "He didn't signal his turn!"

The others glared at him.

* * *

Socrates was enjoying himself. He rarely got to drive the wagon, and so he swerved it around to the backyard and back towards the woods. He noticed the others shouting and waving at him, but he ignored them, laughing insanely.

"WHOO!" he shouted. "LIKE A TRUE NATURE'S CHILD, WE WERE BORN, BORN TO BE WILD! WE CAN CLIMB SO HIGH! I NEVER WANNA DIE!"

The wagon bucked and bounced behind the house and rolled along the pathway leading into the woods. He took a path that went downhill and rode it, laughing and singing the whole way.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman ran towards the path but stopped short of falling him into the woods.

"What do we do now?" Calvin asked. "Socrates doesn't know a _thing_ about driving the wagon. He hardly took a thing from class!"

"What _can _we do?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin scratched his chin, then snapped his fingers and ran back towards the house.

While he was gone, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared back down into the woods, but then they felt a low rumbling in the ground.

"What's that?" Andy asked, looking around.

Sherman looked up.

"It sounds like some kind of aircraft," he commented.

"But what pilot would be so stupid to fly that low?" Hobbes asked.

The rumbling got louder, and then they noticed a rather crudely-built helicopter was flying above them.

Looking through the clear windshield, they saw Sheila Brainstorm and Jacqueline staring down at them.

"Oh…," Hobbes said, nodding in understanding.

"WHERE IS HE?!" Sheila shouted through the speaker. "WHERE IS THE ALIEN BOY?!"

They paused and stared at each other.

"…Hey, guys," Jacqueline said, waving.

"Hey, Jacqueline," Hobbes shouted, waving back.

"SHUT UP! _WHERE IS HE?!_"

"Hey, there," Calvin said, appearing alongside in the cardboard box.

Taken off-guard, Sheila gave out a yelp and pulled on the controls.

"Whoops!" she shrieked, frantically trying to regain control.

Calvin lowered the box down to the ground for Hobbes, Andy and Sherman to hop in.

"Come on!" he shouted. "We've gotta get Socrates!"

They flew the box through the air and brought it down into the woods, flying high enough that tree branches weren't so much of a hazard.

Sheila buzzed the helicopter through the woods, slicing up tree branches as she went.

"SURRENDER YOURSELF, STRANGE ALIEN CREATURE! I SHALL USE YOUR TRANSMITTER FOR MY OWN DIABOLICAL ENDS! RELINQUISH IT _NOW_!"

"Honestly, Sheila," Jacqueline sighed, pulling out a can of soda. "If you'd just ask nicely and talked this thing out, maybe we'd reach some sort of closure to this whole business."

"TALK IS FOR WIMPS! _GIMME! TRANSMITTER MINE!_"

Jacqueline sighed and leaned back in her seat, sipping her soda.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin was lowering the box a little so he could get a better lookout for Socrates.

"SOCRATES!" Calvin shouted. "SOCRATES, WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?!?"

"I don't see him anywhere," Andy said, looking around.

"Where can a tiger who makes so much noise go?" Sherman demanded.

Socrates was having a few problems now. He'd long since stopped singing and was now trying to maneuver the rather sluggish handle. He was having a hard time keeping everything going in the right way.

"Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it _stop_," he whispered repeatedly.

It was then that he heard the rumbling of the helicopter overhead, and he became aware of what was going on.

He also became aware of a beeping coming from him, and he pulled out his walkie-talkie.

"Hello?" he asked.

"SOCRATES!" Calvin shouted.

Socrates was too busy focusing on the path to look up.

"I hear you!" he shouted.

"Socrates, we can't bring the box any lower! It's not safe in the trees!" Calvin shouted.

"Calvin, I can't—ACK!"

Socrates was forced to make a turn, causing Calvin to lose him in the woods for a few seconds before he found him again.

"Socrates, you need to signal your turns!" Calvin shouted. "I need to know where you're going!"

Socrates sighed to himself, and then saw that a right turn would be need. Putting his hand in the turn right signal for a few seconds, he wrenched the handle around and swerved.

Calvin was able to follow him.

"Good, very good," Calvin said. "Now then, I remember this part of the woods. It's very dangerous. I need you to put this on!" And he tossed him something.

Socrates managed to catch it and glanced at it.

"You're giving me a _helmet_?!" he shouted.

"It'll protect your head from becoming even more damaged!"

Socrates growled but managed to get the helmet on.

"Okay, now what?" he demanded as he signaled and made a left turn.

"Well, the path gets a bit steeper here. There should be a very steep grade just ahead."

"And then what?"

"Well… I can't remember, actually. It's been awhile since I've been down here. I can't remember why."

There was a pause as Calvin thought about this.

"_Oh_…," he said, grinning. "That's right. The old stone bridge collapsed."

Everyone stared at him.

Hobbes snapped his fingers.

"Hey, that's right!" he said. "We'd just met Retro!"

Then they both stared at each other in horror.

"Oh…," Calvin said.

Socrates let out a little whimper.

Up above, Sheila was frantically trying to keep things upright.

"ACK!" she screamed. "THIS THING IS USELESS! I _MUST _COMPLAIN TO THE RENTAL COMPANY!"

"You built it this morning," Jacqueline sighed.

"SHUT UP!"

Then Sheila saw a clearing up ahead in the trees, and she could already see the deep slit that cut through Sneer Hill's base, revealing the missing section of bridge in the middle of the gap.

"HA!" she crowed. "I'M TAKING HER DOWN ONCE WE GET OVER THERE!!"

"Of course we are," Jacqueline said, reaching behind her chair and pulling out her Will.

Socrates was coming up over a hump in the hill right before the big descent.

"Okay, Socrates!" Calvin shouted. "I've got a plan, but you're going to have to trust me!"

"Er, okay," Socrates said unsurely.

"Catch!"

Calvin accelerated ahead of Socrates a little bit so he could drop an umbrella into the wagon.

Socrates grabbed it and continued to steer with his right paw.

"Oh, you're kidding me…," he moaned.

"Just open it when I tell you to!" Calvin shouted.

Socrates shook his head wearily as he made it to the peak of the hill. He peered down the hill for a quarter of a second to see the almost vertical drop ahead of him.

"_Oh no_…," he whispered.

The wagon dropped.

"AAAAAAAAAUGH!!" he wailed.

Calvin leaned forward and sent the box into a dive after him.

Sheila was now ahead of them and was about to lower her helicopter in front of them where she could catch them.

"_Here we go_," she sang.

Socrates saw her and frantically tried to do something.

"Socrates, don't try to turn on this hill! You'll tip over and go into a tumble and get hurt! Now just listen to me!" Calvin shouted.

Socrates nodded and gulped.

"Open the umbrella now, Socrates, now!"

"But how can it—?"

"**_NOW_**!"

"Okay, okay."

After a bit of fumbling, Socrates, steering with his feet, managed to get the umbrella open.

**_WHOOSH!_**

The wind from the rapid acceleration caused the umbrella to pick Socrates up into the air, away from the wagon.

Calvin brought the box down and looped under him, managing to catch him.

"Hoo!" Socrates cheered, waving the umbrella around. "That was _awesome_!"

Everyone rolled their eyes and glanced down the hill.

The wagon was continuing on its way, going faster and faster down the steep hill towards the ledge where the helicopter hovered a few feet away from the land.

Sheila saw it come.

"Drat…," she muttered.

The wagon flew off the ledge and…

**_CLANG!_**

…it banged into the helicopter with a great force, sending shockwaves coursing through the poorly-built contraption.

While the wagon was sent reeling back onto the ledge, Sheila found herself being shaken violently.

"JACQUELINE!" she shouted, holding on. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"

"The shockwaves from the initial impact are shaking the helicopter," Jacqueline explained.

"**_WHAT?!?_**"

"And that, in turn, will cause the whole thing to collapse."

**_BAM! CRACK! CLATTER!_**

The helicopter immediately fell apart in a cascade of metal and wires, and it all fell towards the river.

Sheila and Jacqueline hung in the air for a moment before they also fell, but not before Jacqueline waved cheerfully at Calvin and Hobbes.

They waved back as they watched them tumble towards the deep river below.

"Well," Calvin said at last. "Nice to know that Wagoner's ED wasn't a _total_ waste of my time."

"_Your _time?" Sherman repeated, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

Calvin sighed. "I was just trying to ensure a little safety," he said, aiming the box down so they could get the wagon back. "I don't want to see us getting hurt again."

"Look, safety is all well and good," Hobbes said, "but sometimes you can't help it when it happens. Accidents will happen. Injuries will come. We just have to do our best to be careful to keep them at a minimum."

Calvin considered this as he pulled out the Hypercube and put the wagon inside it.

"I suppose so," he decided. "I guess we'll have to take the bad with the good."

"Indubitably," Sherman agreed.

"Come on, guys," Andy said. "We never finished our game from earlier."

"Oooh, that's a point!" Calvin said. "Come on!"

They flew the box back through the air towards the Calvinball field.

"Does anyone even remember the score from that game?" Hobbes asked.

"It was Frank Sinatra to Rodney Dangerfield, last I counted," Socrates said.

"But then I scored that goal off of your head and got an extra Seinfeld point," Andy objected.

* * *

Jacqueline swam happily through the river, backwards and forwards, whereas Sheila sat grumpily on the shore.

"Come on, Sheila!" Jacqueline said happily, backstroking through the river. "It's rather refreshing, actually!"

Sheila growled and went to say something insulting, only to be promptly bopped over the head by a falling piece of metal.

"Stupid alien… Stupid… Buh," she grumbled, tossing it aside.

**THE END**

**Voice Work****:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**  
Ryan Stiles **Socrates**  
Andrew Lawrence **Andy**  
Colin Mochrie **Sherman**  
Neil Crone **Dr Brainstorm**  
Michael Brandon **Jack**  
Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Bridget Nelson **Sheila**  
AnnaSophia Robb **Jacqueline

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **The Realiphone


	21. The Realiphone

_and now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**The Realiphone**

"HOOOOOOOOOBBES!" Calvin called. "GET IN HERE, IMMEDIATELY!"

Calvin had been spending the whole day in the attic.

Hobbes had been taking that as a bad sign, because almost every time he went up there, it meant he was inventing something. And every time he invented something, it meant humanity was in jeopardy.

Socrates had come over, earlier, and was visiting Hobbes. He didn't see Calvin, but that was just fine with him. Hobbes had explained how Calvin was in the attic and how every time he did that, man kind was probably doomed.

"That's great, Hobbes, hey did you see yesterday's tiger documentary on Animal Planet?" That's how excited Socrates was about the whole thing.

And now, Calvin was calling Hobbes into the attic.

Oh boy.

Hobbes and Socrates looked up from Calvin's comic books, and looked towards the attic.

"HOOOOOOOOBBES!" Calvin called, again. "IN THE ATTIC! CHOP! CHOP!"

"Wasn't that the place where the Mega-Shrinker 5000 was made?" Socrates asked.

"Yup."

"Let's sit this one out."

"Yes, let's."

They went back to the comic books.

"HOBBES!" Calvin shouted.

Hobbes and Socrates ignored the cries.

There was a slam of a door, and Calvin appeared in the doorway.

He jabbed a finger at Socrates.

"YOU! OFF MY BED!"

Then, he spun around to Hobbes.

"YOU! IN THE ATTIC!"

Socrates took his sweet time getting off Calvin's bed.

"Now you have your scum all over my bed!" Calvin screeched.

"Relax, I was laying on your shirt." Socrates scoffed.

"Great." Calvin grumbled. "Come on, Hobbes, let's go out to the backyard and _burn_ my shirt."

"Observation," Hobbes muttered. "Things were a lot more simple before you came out of the attic."

"Oh yes." Calvin remembered "The attic. Come on, Hobbes, I have just finished a device that will change humanity!"

"I'll bet." Hobbes and Socrates said, in unison.

Calvin glared at them, and lead Hobbes into the attic, Socrates right behind.

* * *

Calvin opened the attic and motioned for Socrates.

"Age before beauty." He sneered at the tiger.

Socrates crossed his arms.

"Do you even know how old I am?"

"Not a clue. In."

Hobbes and Socrates walked into the attic.

Calvin walked past them, and walked up to a white sheet that was covering something up.

"Calvin," Hobbes warned. "I don't have a good feeling about this."

"You always don't have a good feeling about my inventions." Calvin spat.

"Well, this time, I have a nagging feeling that this one is the most horrible of all."

"Oh really? Why?"

"Because Rod Sterling was just in your room talking to the audience." Hobbes said, crossing his arms.

"Oh, you worry to much." Calvin sighed, and with that, he tore the sheet off the invention.

Hobbes and Socrates' eyes fixed on a disconnected, old fashioned rotary telephone sitting on one of the boxes.

"A phone?" Socrates asked. "That's what's going to change humanity? Give me a break."

"It's not just a phone!" Calvin spat. "You didn't even give me a chance to introduce it!"

"Right, and do we care?" he turned to Hobbes.

Hobbes shook his head.

"Well, that answers that."

Socrates and Hobbes turned around, and headed for the door.

Suddenly, Calvin appeared in front of it.

"STAY!" He screamed.

Hobbes and Socrates glared at him.

"Oh very well." Socrates clicked, crossing his arms. "But make it snappy."

"And no visual demonstrations, please." Hobbes added.

"Fine, whatever." Calvin growled.

He walked up to the phone.

"Hobbes, Socrates," Calvin said. "Say hello to....." He paused for dramatic effect. "The REALIPHONE!"

There was a moment of silence.

Hobbes and Socrates stared at him.

Calvin stared back.

"Hello? Anyone home?"

"How much time did you spend thinking up of the name?" Socrates inquired.

"Ho ho." Calvin growled. "Let me explain how it works."

He picked up the receiver.

"Hobbes, hold this to your ear." He said, handing Hobbes the receiver.

"What if it damages my brain, and causes me to go bald?" Hobbes asked.

"PUT IT UP TO YOUR EAR!" Calvin screeched.

Reluctantly, Hobbes took it, and held it up.

Instead of a dial tone, Hobbes heard Calvin's voice.

"Welcome to the Realiphone. Please push several of the buttons on this thing and something cool will happen."

That phrase repeated itself.

Socrates took the receiver, and listened.

"Hey, if you listen long enough, it'll start sounding meaningless and nonsensical." He chuckled.

"GIVE ME THAT!" Calvin screamed, grabbing the phone away.

He hung it up, and pointed at the buttons.

"There are twelve buttons on this phone." Calvin explained. "Originally, they were the 1-10 buttons, the star button and the number button."

"Correct." Hobbes said, motioning for Calvin to continue.

"I have rewired the buttons, so now, if you push them in a specific order, the phone will bend time and space to fit what you've told it to do."

Calvin picked up the phone and pushed all twelve buttons.

4,8,1, the number button, 9, 5,0,2,6,3,7, and the star button.

The phone started humming, and a light on next to the buttons started glowing red.

Then the humming went down, and the red light vanished.

Calvin put the receiver down.

Hobbes and Socrates looked around.

"What did you tell it to do?" Hobbes asked.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"I... don't know."

"RUN!" Socrates screamed.

"TO THE FALLOUT SHELTER!" Hobbes shouted.

"CODE RED! CODE RED!" Socrates screeched.

They both spun around, and headed for the door.

Hobbes grabbed the doorknob.

PING!

Hobbes held his hand up.

It was covered with jelly.

He looked down, and saw that the doorknob was now a jelly donut.

Calvin pushed past Hobbes, and looked at the doorknob.

"Ah ha!" He exclaimed.

He took out a notepad, and started writing.

"So 4,8,1, the number button, 9, 5,0,2,6,3,7, and the star button is the jelly donut combination."

He put the notepad away.

Hobbes and Socrates stared at him in disbelief.

"You mean you've been sitting here, pushing the buttons, hoping it doesn't kill you or the rest of humanity, and writing the results down on a notepad!" Hobbes demanded.

"That about sums it up," Calvin nodded holding up the notepad. "But all of that aside, I've found some interesting powers." He observed. "The number button, the star button, 4,7,1,8,2,9,3,5,6, and 0 produces a feast of food of your choice!"

"Neato!" Socrates exclaimed.

"But!" Calvin warned. "No one is to use this thing until I have all the combinations written down."

Hobbes and Socrates stared at him.

"How many combinations are there?" Socrates asked.

Calvin paused.

Then, he snapped his fingers, took a calculator out of his pocket and started punching buttons into it.

"144." He said.

There was a silence.

Hobbes walked over, and examined the calculator.

"Calvin, it's twelve to the twelve power. Use this button." He sighed, pointing at a button.

Calvin stared at it.

"Oh."

He cleared the answer he had currently, and punched in some more.

He looked at the answer.

"8,916,100,448,256." He read.

He stared at the number on the calculator.

Then he stared at his notepad.

Then he stared back at the number.

"I'm gonna need a bigger pad." he said.

Hobbes and Socrates sighed.

Calvin put the calculator down

"Anyway, nobody is to use the realiphone until all the combinations are recorded." He said. "Otherwise, something terrible could happen!"

"Like the destruction of human..."

"Shut up." Calvin spat, cutting Hobbes off. "Now, that I've introduced it.... OUT!"

And with that, Calvin shoved Socrates and Hobbes out of the attic, and slammed the door.

Socrates and Hobbes just stood there, motionless.

"Oo-kay." Socrates said.

The rest of the day went without thought of the realiphone.

Well, besides the constant noises coming up from the attic, produced by the thing.

At some point, Calvin was heard battling a pirate while screaming, "BACK! BACK, YOU PATCH-EYED FREAK!"

The pirate then complained to his crew afterward that that was the only thing his parrot said, anymore.

No comment.

* * *

This went on for the next couple of days.

Around day three, Calvin marched down the street, having returned with his sixth new notepad which he bought from Brown's General Store, grumbling to himself.

He opened the door to his house, and stormed up to his bedroom.

Hobbes was waiting, reading a comic book.

Calvin advanced over him.

"Hobbes, why aren't you up in the attic helping me write down all the combinations!" He demanded.

Hobbes looked up.

"Calvin, there's over nine trillion combinations. And you're writing them down on 50 page notepads. Why don't you just throw that piece of junk away?"

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes, you have no idea how important this is, do you?" He demanded. "If we get this phone fully activated, we'll be able to defeat all our enemies by pushing a few buttons!"

"There's over nine trillion combinations." Hobbes repeated. "Do you expect to remember every last one?"

Calvin stared at him.

"Well, duh, we have a notepad!" He said, holding the pad up.

Hobbes let the air hiss out of his lungs.

"I agree with Hobbes," MTM suddenly cut in. "I think you should throw it away."

"Why?" Calvin asked.

"Well, obviously, it's a stupid idea!" MTM snapped. "Why would you want a device to control reality?!"

"Because you don't control reality." Calvin said.

"Pah! I'll have you know, I can distort time and space just as well as that piece of junk!"

Calvin stared at the MTM in shock.

"MTM are you... jealous?" He demanded.

"That's one thing there I don't like about humans," MTM said, now addressing Hobbes. "They mistake simple observations of stupid ideas for petty human emotions!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin sighed, and walked back into the attic.

* * *

That day, the noises emitting from the attic continued at full force.

Hobbes could identify a giant squid crawling after a screaming Calvin, a pouring rain storm with Calvin trying to keep the Realiphone from getting wet, and another pirate fight. Hobbes even heard the attic being transformed into a jungle, and Calvin spent twenty minutes screaming his head off, and battling his way through the dense forestry looking for the Realiphone.

Eventually, Hobbes found some earphones, and he didn't have to listen to it, anymore.

When Calvin finally came down from the attic by the end of the day, he was beat.

"Whew!" he yelled. "Testing reality is sure a hard job."

"I'll bet." Hobbes said.

"But when it's all done, it will be worth it!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin's goofy grin.

"Your reality check just bounced." He said.

"Har har." Calvin growled. "I'm not in the mood for puns, by the way, so shut up."

Calvin looked at his notepad.

"I have two thousand combinations written down, now." He said. "By sheer luck I may have all combinations written down by Friday."

"Fascinating." Hobbes said.

"I still think it's stupid," MTM muttered.

* * *

**SYSTEM ACTIVATION  
MEMORY CHIP LOADED  
PERSONALITY CHIP LOADED  
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SOFTWARE LOADED  
VOICE CHIP LOADED  
WARNING! BLINDLY OBEY EVIL MASTER CHIP MALFUNCTIONING! PLEASE SEE EVIL MASTER SO HE CAN FIX IT.**

**THIS ROBOT BELONGS TO DOCTOR BRAINSTORM OF BRAINSTORM PRODUCTIONS, SO HANDS OFF!**

**MODEL: JACK0000000001**

**TODAY'S MEMO: _MY NAME IS DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!!!!!!_**

Jack T. Robot, who was laying in his bed in his room, had completed his 9 hour battery recharge, also known as sleep, and was beginning to get up.

The robot sat up, and yawned.

He opened his robotic eyes and looked around the room.

He paused and blinked a few times.

"I wish Frank would take that feature out of me that flashes random green numbers in front of my eyes whenever I wake up," Jack yawned. "He only does it to make himself look clever."

Jack stood up from his bed, and walked over to a refrigerator that was sitting in the corner. He opened it up, revealing that it was filled entirely with Pepsi and Coke. Of course.

Jack grabbed a bottle, evidently this being his breakfast, and walked into the main lab with it.

Dr Brainstorm was already up and running around the lab, frantically. From the several charred marks on the console, Jack concluded that Brainstorm had set fire to the lab three times that morning before he got up. How he managed to put them out is a mystery.

"Hey, Frank, How'd you sleep last night?" Jack asked, taking a sip from his soda.

"DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!! AND I SLEPT QUITE WELL, THANK YOU!!!" Brainstorm screeched, running over to his keyboard, and typing into it, hysterically.

"That's nice. And what are we up to, today?" Jack continued, as he sat down in his usual lounge chair in middle of the lab.

"WE'RE SPYING ON CALVIN AND HOBBES!!"

"Wow, didn't see that coming."

"INDEED, AND THEY DON'T EITHER!!" Brainstorm raced over to the other side of the lab and typed on another keyboard. "NOW WE CAN DETERMINE HOW TO DESTROY THEM!!!"

"Of course we can." Jack nodded.

"BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE OVER THE WORLD UNTIL THEY'RE DEAD!!"

"Nope, your ego wouldn't allow that, now would it?"

"WHAT WAS THAT?!!" Brainstorm shrieked, whipping around.

"I said, how are we spying on them?" Jack said, without even blinking.

"I've set up several cameras in their house, in order to see what they're doing!!" Brainstorm giggled, lowering the volume of his voice dramatically. Doing this every other sentence somehow prevents him from getting laryngitis.

"Several cameras, huh?" Jack took another sip from his soda.

"OK, three. BUT THEY'RE IN KEY LOCATIONS!!!"

"Let me guess, they're all in the pointing at the bottom of his staircase, right?"

"WRONG!!! I ONLY HAVE ONE DOING THAT!!!"

Jack rolled his eyes.

"Now, are you ready to peer into the realms of the ENEMY!?!?"

"No,"

"GOOD! 'Cause we should be receiving video feedback in approximately twelve seconds!"

"Yes, I'm sure we are," Jack yawned.

As you've probably surmised, it took a good six minutes before any video feedback came back to the laboratory.

Brainstorm flipped a switch on the console as it came in.

It was a picture of the bottom of Calvin's staircase which was, at the moment, unoccupied.

Brainstorm blinked.

"OK, hold on, let me just switch to camera two!" He said, flipping another switch.

The picture changed to a shot of the hallway upstairs, which was also empty.

Jack rolled his eyes.

"OK, that doesn't mean anything," Brainstorm mumbled, flipping another switch.

The third camera, appropriately was in the attic, which was also currently empty.

There was a long pause.

Jack's expression remained blank.

"So, let me get this straight," He said, slowly. "You put three cameras in the hallway, staircase and attic, thinking that's where Calvin and Hobbes spend all their time?"

"Well could you think of any better places?!?" Brainstorm shrieked.

"Well, if I was doing it, I'd put them in Calvin's room, the living room and the kitchen." Jack yawned.

There was another pause.

Unable to think of anything else to say, Brainstorm simply screamed, "SHUT UP, JACK!!!" And whipped back around to the screen.

Jack sighed.

Suddenly, as Brainstorm was reaching to switch his screen off, the sound of a doorknob clicking was heard, and the attic door opened on the screen.

Brainstorm and Jack looked up.

Calvin came strolling into the attic holding a milkshake up to his lips.

"Alright, let's see where we are at this time." He said, walking up to the desk where the Realiphone was sitting.

He picked up the notepad and examined it.

"I'm up to combination number 4,730." There was a pause. "Wow.... Anywho let's continue..."

Brainstorm and Jack exchanged glances.

Calvin put his milkshake down and picked up the telephone's receiver.

Holding it to his head with his shoulder, Calvin began pushing several buttons on it totally at random.

He then set the receiver down and waited. The light began flashing rapidly, and the telephone began humming, loudly.

Suddenly, the milkshake that was sitting next to the Realiphone began distorting. Time and space was warped as milkshake transformed into a giant crocodile.

Calvin, Brainstorm and Jack stared at the crocodile, which stood up on all fours and gasped in the way that crocodiles do.

"Hmmm, the insane deadly crocodile combination. I was wondering when I was going to hit that one." Calvin considered. He quickly wrote that down, and turned back to the Realiphone. "Now if I recall, the undo combination was 6, 8, 0, 9, 4, 3, 5, 1, the star button, 7, 2, and the number button!"

There was a ping and the crocodile flipped back to a milkshake.

Unfazed, Calvin picked the milkshake up, and took another sip from it.

"Alright, let's see what this next one will do," He grinned, pushing more buttons on the phone.

Brainstorm suddenly flipped the switch on the console, turning the monitor off.

There was a moment of silence.

Then, the crazy scientist turned an equally crazy grin onto Jack.

"Guess what _we're_ going to be doing, now, Jack?!" He grinned, insanely.

Jack heaved a deep sigh.

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates were sleeping in Calvin's room, both curled up on the bed.

MTM was sitting on the desk, grumbling quietly about the Realiphone.

As far as they knew, Calvin was still in the attic, writing down the combinations for the Realiphone.

So it was hardly a surprise when a small duck came wandering into the room.

"_Mwack_…," the little critter said.

It caused Hobbes to stir and look down at the floor.

The small duckling was gazing up at him with innocent eyes.

"Hmmmm…," Hobbes said, allowing a devious smile to seep across his face.

MTM seemed to stare at Hobbes incredulously.

"Oh, you're not serious," he moaned.

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about," Hobbes said, still gazing at the small duckling. He got up from the bed and landed with a soft "pat" on the floor, and then he reared up and began to snake over to look the duckling in the eye.

The duckling seemed to the sense the danger and immediately hurried in the opposite direction.

"Ha!" Hobbes whooped. And he leapt after the small duckling.

Socrates awoke in surprise.

"Huh? Wha…?" he asked, looking around drowsily.

Just then, Hobbes suddenly ran back into the room and began to cower up against the wall.

"Oh, what is it now?" Socrates sighed, shaking his head as he began to stretch.

"Duck… Evil… Duck… Great… Big… **_DUCK!_**" Hobbes stammered, pointing and breathing heavily.

Socrates looked out the doorway and saw a small duckling waddle back into the room.

"_Mwack_…?" he said.

Socrates stared at the little fellow and then stared back at Hobbes.

"Hobbes, there's a duckling in your room," he commented.

"EVIL!" Hobbes shouted.

"What, this little fellow?" Socrates asked, grinning at the duckling. He reached down to pet the small waterfowl.

Suddenly, the duck threw its head back and threw a volley of fire into the air.

**_VOOM!_**

Socrates fell over backwards in surprise, smacking his head on the window next to the bed.

"What in the heck…?" he asked, rubbing his head.

Calvin suddenly came into the room.

"_There _you are!" he said, picking the small duckling up.

The small duck began to snuggle up to him.

Hobbes and Socrates stared at him in fear.

"Sorry about that, I was writing down the combination and he got away," Calvin said. "Apparently, 2, 5, 1, 5, #, *, 8, 3, 4, 9, 0, 6, 7 is fire-breathing duckling."

"_Lovely_," MTM muttered, his voice chip dripping with sarcasm.

"You know, MTM, jealousy is an ugly thing," Socrates said, apparently enjoying it.

"_You're _an ugly thing!" MTM snapped.

Everyone sighed.

* * *

Dr Brainstorm was busily milling about the lab, preparing to raid Calvin's house.

"Okay," he said, "due to the fires we had last week, some of the weapons got destroyed. Which do you think will kill him faster, the leaf blower or the fishing rod?"

Jack looked up from his magazine and thought about it.

"Well, you used the leaf blower a few days ago. It might be best to use the fishing rod to throw them off-guard."

"BRILLIANT!"

Dr Brainstorm tossed the leaf blower aside and threw the fishing rod into this storage cube.

"Okay, next," he said, "we need to decide on _how _we're going to capture them."

"Well, on the odd day that we _successfully_ capture them, and there are a few, we usually just come in and grab them without making a big production out of it."

"You're sure? I'm feeling like a huge climactic battle."

"Trust me. We captured Socrates by just reaching through the window at night, and then we captured Calvin and Hobbes by throwing rocks at their window and bagging them when they looked outside."

"Ah, yes, so we did. I'll grab a few rocks on the way out just in case."

"Uh-huh."

Brainstorm wrote a few things down on his paper and thought a bit more about it.

"Okay, which of the rockets should we take?"

"One of the ones that isn't broken."

"Yes, I'm _aware _that that is the smart thing to do. Which one _isn't _broken?"

"The RD-043 is still alright."

"Oh? What happened to the ID-329?"

"You spun it into that chicken coop."

"Oh yes! So I did. What a day that was!"

"Mm-hmm, an entire day of me having to dig you out of the angry hens."

"Hey, they were _spoiling _for a fight!"

"Fair enough."

Dr Brainstorm loaded a few more things into his storage cube and tucked it into his lab coat pocket.

"Okay, I think we're all set. Jack? Are you ready?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay then, let's get out there AND KICK SOME BUTT!"

And he paraded into the garage to get the rocket.

Jack shrugged and followed after him.

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates were sitting on the bed playing Crazy 8's now.

As they were playing, however, the room suddenly began to warp and twist.

MTM was the first to notice.

"Either of you chaps noticing the fact that the room is suddenly beginning to look like a lava lamp?" he asked.

Hobbes finally looked.

"Huh," he said. "I was wondering how I suddenly had a twenty-eight of diamonds."

"Told you it wasn't a trick deck," Socrates said triumphantly.

The room began to twist and flash colors more and more, but Hobbes, Socrates and MTM were remaining exactly the same.

"What in the heck _is _this?" Hobbes demanded as his cards became a soupy mess.

"Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure your bed isn't a Craft-Matic," Socrates said as the mattress began to twist and fold in on itself.

Carefully, Hobbes and Socrates managed to get off of the uneven mattress and get onto the rapidly more uneven floor.

"Whatever Calvin's managed, it's warped the fabric of space-time," MTM said. "We seem to be turning into a piece of '60s alternative art."

Hobbes and Socrates attempted to walk across the floor, but they found themselves being tossed around and into the air.

"MTM, make it stop!" Hobbes shouted.

"Why should I? I'm not good enough unwrap reality. In fact, in Calvin's opinion, I'm not good enough to unwrap a birthday present!"

Hobbes was trying to make his way to the door, but to his horror, the doorway warped and twisted around and soon became too narrow for him to get through.

Socrates tried to get to the window, but he was suddenly tossed off the floor, which suddenly twisted upwards, coiled around his torso and grabbed him.

"Hey, Hobbes, your floor is hugging me like a weird aunt! Get me down!"

"MTM, fire a laser or something!" Hobbes shouted.

MTM sighed electronically.

"Oh, alright," he said.

**_BRZAP!_**

A red laser flew through the air, but it suddenly began to snake and warped and began to mix with everything else.

"Well, that's pretty surreal," MTM commented.

The room twisted and was soon beginning to look like a syrograph painting.

"Help!" Hobbes screamed.

Then, just as quickly as it had started, everything suddenly unwrapped and reshaped itself back into their original forms.

Hobbes and Socrates fell to the floor, which was now no longer weird and soupy, but now hard and firm.

_THUD!_

"Newton's revenge," Socrates moaned.

Calvin came into the room.

"Did anything happen in here?" he asked, holding the Realiphone in his grasp.

Hobbes and Socrates glared at him.

"Well, aside from the fact that I felt as though we were ingredients in baking cake batter, I can't think of anything," Hobbes complained.

Calvin nodded and looked at the notepad.

"Okay then, so 0, 9, 7, 2, 3, 5, 6, 1, 4, *, #, 8 is the code for unwrapping reality. Got it. I'll put a star next to that one."

He continued to write on the pad, and then walked away back towards the attic.

Hobbes and Socrates glared at him.

"Doesn't he have to go to school?" Socrates asked.

* * *

The rocket shot through the air, going faster and faster.

"What's our ETA?" Dr Brainstorm asked, trying to keep the ship level.

"Thirty minutes," Jack replied, not really knowing, but preferring to read his magazine rather than actually check.

"Good, good…"

They flew along over cities, a blur to everything they flew by.

Dr B looked out over the city, but he couldn't help but notice people were staring up at them in horror.

"Jack?"

"Hmmm?"

"Suppose people could see us in our rocket."

"Uh-huh?"

"What do you suppose they'd think?"

Jack paused to think.

"They'd probably wonder why a giant red missile was shooting over their fare city."

"Huh."

Dr B looked around the cockpit.

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Did we remember to turn the cloak on?"

Jack looked around the cockpit as well, looking momentarily unsure. He looked out the window. As they flew past a building, he saw the reflection of the rocket in the windows.

"Uh… I've got a feeling we didn't," he said, slowly going back to his magazine.

Dr B scrunched up his face in confusion, and then he began to check the instruments.

"Um, let's see," he said, "windshield wipers, wall-sound, radio, headlights, little dancing hula woman… Ah! Cloaking."

The ship flashed white.

Dr B looked around. "Hmmmm," he said, "did it work?"

"Meh, I can never tell with this ship," Jack said, not looking up.

Brainstorm looked out the window down at the streets.

"Oh good! The tanks have stopped following us! With any luck they'll write us off as an optical illusion!"

"Goody."

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates sat diligently upon the bed, on all fours, still as stone, their eyes shifting back and forth, and green army helmets on their heads.

"Wait for it…," Hobbes said. "Just…wait for it…"

"He's taking his time," Socrates muttered.

There was a long moment of silence.

"This is taking _forever_!" MTM shouted.

"Shush!" Socrates ordered, putting a finger to his lips.

They waited a little longer.

"Okay…," Hobbes said, letting out a sigh. "I think he's done."

But just as they thought it was safe to get off the bed…

**_BEEP! BEEP!_**

"Oh cripes, you jinxed it," MTM sighed.

They looked at the doorway. They saw two little blue robots rolling into the room. They looked like shoeboxes with goose heads and little fingers on their beaks.

"Aw, aren't they cute?" Socrates cooed.

"Socrates, don't…," Hobbes said, putting an arm out, but he was too late.

Socrates walked up to the tiny little robots.

"Well, hello little fellas," he said sweetly. "Did you roll in through the door all by yourselves?"

"They look vaguely familiar," MTM said thoughtfully.

The small robot straightened out its neck and made a grab at Socrates' nose.

"Whoa! Hey!" Socrates cried.

The other rolled quickly towards Hobbes, swinging its long head around in circles.

"What's it doing?!" Hobbes shouted.

"Maybe its systems are picking up radio signals," MTM suggested.

"Well, _do _something about it!"

"I bet any robots _I _ever created would never be susceptible to such things."

"MTM!!" they both shouted.

They were running around in circles with the small robots making grabs at them.

"Oh what do you want _me _to do about them? The _Realiphone_ is so great, maybe _it _can do something!"

One robot gave Hobbes' tail a good yank.

"YEOW!" he shouted.

"Pesky little blighters," MTM commented.

Calvin entered the room, looking a bit frantic.

"Oh, there they are! Sorry!" he said, lifting up the Realiphone and pressing a few buttons.

In a flash, the small robots vanished.

"What the heck were they?!" Hobbes demanded.

"They were the apparent result of combination 4, #, 6, 3, *, 1, 0, 8, 7, 9, 2, 5," Calvin said, writing it down on the pad before walking out of the room.

Hobbes and Socrates glared at him.

"I want him eliminated," Socrates grumbled.

* * *

Calvin arrived back in the attic, ready to continue his experimenting. He set the Realiphone down on a box and got to work.

"Let's see," he said, looking through the pages. "What haven't I tried yet?"

He was so busy going over the various combinations that he didn't look out the window that was over the Realiphone.

Dr Brainstorm and Jack were standing alongside the house.

"Alright, Jack, hand me the scanner," Dr B said, holding a hand out.

Jack nodded and passed him a small handheld device.

Dr B turned it on and began to scan the house by running the device up and down.

Jack stood off to the side, waiting patiently.

Dr B walked along the side of the house, waiting for the scanner to start beeping. He walked around to one side of the house, and then to the other, waving that small device around.

Jack let out a yawn and leaned against the invisible ship.

Dr B walked around the house, finally opting to do a complete circle around the house, waving the small device all the way around.

Jack checked his watch.

Finally, Brainstorm returned to the front again and finally glared at the scanner.

"What is _WRONG_ with this thing?!" he demanded, shaking it up and down.

Jack snatched the scanner from Dr B's hands, took a look at it, flipped the switch, turned it on and gave it back.

Dr B stared at it, and then glared back at Jack.

"I knew that," he grumbled.

Jack sighed.

Dr B then aimed the scanner around the house again. He paused, listening carefully.

**_BEEP… BEEP… BEEP…_**

He moved it further to the left.

**_BEEP…… BEEP…… BEEP……_**

He moved it upwards a bit more.

**_BEEP… BEEP… BEEP…_**

He grew excited as he moved it upwards.

**_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_**

Finally, he aimed it up towards the attic window.

**_BEEEEEEEEEEEEP…_**

"FOUND HIM!"

Jack nodded.

"Jack, pass me…_the rod_!"

"Mm-hmm."

Jack turned and picked up the fishing rod and handed it to him.

With careful precision, Dr B went into the windup, flailing the line behind him. Then, he flung his arms forward, casting the line and then—

"YEOW!"

Jack watched with some amusement as Dr B hooked the seat of his pants.

Dr B stood there in pain.

"Want me to do it?" Jack asked at last.

"…_Please_…"

So Jack unhooked him, took the rod, cast it, and then managed to get a line on the attic window.

"There you go. That'll do yer," Jack said, handing the rod back.

Dr B glared at him before he began to reel the line back.

"Okay, let's see if this works…," he muttered.

He reeled slowly but surely, feeling the line tighten on the strain. It wasn't long before all the slack had been picked up and now he was dragging himself across the grass and to the side of the house.

Jack rolled his eyes.

Once assured that it would hold, Dr B began to scale the side of the house, slowly reeling himself upwards in the process.

As he did this, Jack approached the side of the house and began to extend his legs until he was as high as the window.

They both reached the top at the same time.

Dr B saw what Jack had done and glared at him.

They stared at each other for a long throbbing moment.

"Well…?" Jack asked.

"I'll think of something," Dr B replied, still glaring.

They continued to stare.

"Aha! Got it!"

"Yes?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST OFFER TO THAT BEFORE WE CAME?!"

"I wanted to see if this would actually work."

Letting out a low grumble, Dr B pulled out a small device from his pocket and pressed it up to the window. He managed to deploy a small suction cup from the end of it and stuck it to the glass. Then he pulled a trigger.

"WHOA!" he shouted.

To Calvin, it was a most surprising experience. His attic window suddenly flipped over, and a strange-looking madman went flying over his head and crashed into a stack of boxes.

"HEY!" Calvin shouted, getting up from his sitting spot.

Dr B emerged from the boxes and looked around frantically for Calvin, finally seeing him.

"A-HA!" he shouted. "SURRENDER THAT THINGAMAJIGGER, PUNK!"

Calvin stared at him.

"Oh, Frank," he sighed. "It's only you."

"GIVE! ME! IT!"

"What?"

"THE THING THAT MAKES THINGS SHOW UP! GIVE IT!"

Calvin looked at the Realiphone, and then back again.

"Oh. No, you can't have it."

"Fine! I see I shall have to resort to brute force."

Calvin rolled his eyes and got comfy.

Dr B was suddenly flying through the air, letting out a shriek as he reached for Calvin.

Calvin simply ducked out of the way, allowing Brainstorm to crash into the wall.

**_WHAM!_**

Calvin then picked up the Realiphone and notepad and began to flip through the pages.

"Let's see, what should I do with you…?" Calvin mumbled, flipping through the various pages. "Hmmm… Pirates? Mongooses? How about a venom-spitting gumball?"

Dr B managed to peel himself off of the wall and stare at him incredulously.

"It can do _all _that?!" he cried.

"So far."

Unfortunately, Calvin was so busy trying to pick a combination, he left the Realiphone relatively lose in his grip.

This gave Dr B the ability to get it away from him. He brought his foot up under it, sending it flying out from under Calvin's arm, through the air, and into Dr Brainstorm's waiting hand.

"Ha!" he shouted. "MINE!"

Before Calvin could properly react to this surprise, Dr B was on his feet and out the window, sitting it flipping around again. He leapt out into the open and grabbed onto Jack, who was still level with the window.

"I GOT IT! I GOT IT!" he shouted, clutching the robot eagerly.

"Yes, yes, well done," Jack sighed, lowering them both towards the ground.

"QUICK! LET'S GO! INTO THE ROCKET!"

"Uh-huh."

Dr Brainstorm struggled back into the rocket, but he found there was a slight problem. Mainly, he couldn't find the door.

"JACK, GET ME IN THE ROCKET!"

Jack sighed and placed his finger on what one would assume was the button next to the door.

_WHIRRRRRRR_

They paused.

"Is it open?"

"Yes. Now get in it."

"VICTORY!"

And with that, Dr B scrambled into the rocket, followed by Jack, who was shaking his head.

Calvin watched as they seemed to scurry up some stairs, through a corridor and into two separate seats. Dr B seemed to work frantically at some controls while Jack sat the Realiphone down on the console, followed by his feet as he seemed to lean back.

Frantic, Calvin immediately tried to push the window open like Brainstorm had, but found it now to be wedged tightly into place.

Dr B and Jack faded from view.

Then Calvin heard the rumbling sounds of jets starting up. Smoke poured from invisible jet housings, blowing the grass around. Then he noticed that everything was being pushed aside as the invisible ship rose up into the air.

**_VROOM!_**

A trail of smoke was left behind as they disappeared into the distance.

Calvin watched nervously.

"…_Crud_," he muttered.

* * *

Hobbes and Socrates were now huddled under the bed. They both had pop guns in their grasps.

Calvin burst into the room, looking around frantically.

"HOBBES! HOBBES!"

"YAAAAAHH!!"

Hobbes and Socrates flew from the bed, screaming loudly. They aimed the pop guns at Calvin, shaking slightly.

Calvin stared at them.

"Okay, I don't have time for this," he sighed. "Look, the Realiphone has been stolen!"

"Good!" MTM shouted. "I'm sure it'll bring happiness and goodwill to some other total idiot!"

Everyone stared at him for a bit before deciding to ignore him.

"Well, I'm glad it was stolen," Hobbes grumbled. "All you do with that thing is torture us all day!"

"Hobbes, it was stolen by _Dr Brainstorm_!"

"So?" Socrates sniffed. "As long as it's not around here, I say, big deal!"

"Guys, you really think the Realiphone is _that _annoying?"

"Yes," Hobbes said, nodding firmly.

"You really think it's _that _dangerous?"

"You bet," Socrates said.

"You really think it's _that _horrible when _I'm _using it?"

"Uh-huh," MTM said.

"Okay, then try this…"

He paused, making sure everyone was listening.

"Imagine how annoying, dangerous and horrible it is when _Dr Brainstorm_ is using it!"

Everyone looked at each other.

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!**_"

Two tigers went running around and around in circles, arms flailing in panic.

Calvin nodded, and then he pulled the box out from the closet.

"Come on, everyone!" he shouted. "Let's get out there and get the Realiphone back!"

Hobbes and Socrates dove into the box.

Calvin grabbed MTM and dove into the front.

They flew out the window and took to the skies.

* * *

At Yellowstone, Dr Brainstorm and Jack came strolling out of the hangar.

"WE EMERGE VICTORIOUS, JACK!" Dr B shouted, holding the Realiphone over his head. "WE'VE GOT CALVIN'S NEW…_THING_!"

"We went through all of that…for a thing?" Jack asked.

"Well, it's not just any _thing_, Jack! It's a device that can give me anything I want! Power! Glory! _WE JUST GOT A THING THAT'LL GIVE __US__ TICKETS TO __DISNEYLAND__!_"

"Ah, wonderful," Jack sighed.

"Now then, we must set to work on phase two of the plan!"

"And that is…what?"

"We must figure out how this darn thing works!"

"Check."

Dr Brainstorm held the Realiphone close to his face. He examined it carefully.

"Hmmm… I'll make a start with this."

He pressed the "4" button.

Nothing happened.

Undeterred, he pressed the "0", and then the "3".

Somehow enjoying himself, he then pressed the "7", "6", "2", "*", "1" and so on.

Soon, he had pressed 4, 0, 3, 7, 6, 2, *, 1, #, 5, 8, 9.

"Now what happens?" he asked.

Jack shrugged and made to leave.

**_BRZAP!_**

They both whipped around and saw a field of electricity dying down to reveal some sort of creature emerging from it.

"What on earth _is _it?" Dr B demanded in a hushed voice.

"It looks like some sort of skeleton," Jack replied, quickly looking bored again.

Indeed, the skeleton of a man was slowly getting up onto its feet. It seemed to be growling. It was hunched over slightly.

"Grrrrrr…," it growled.

Dr B was immediately on the defensive.

"Stay back! I'll harm you!"

Finally, the skeleton stretched outwards, stretching his arms and torso a bit as if he was just waking up.

He did this until…

_POP!_

"Ahhhh!" he sighed. "That's _much _better."

Dr B and Jack exchanged glances.

"So, where the heck am I?" he continued.

They noticed his voice was a little off. He sounded like he was from Brooklyn.

"Hey, anyone got some gum? My breath's a little gamey."

"Mint or grape?" Jack asked, holding out two sticks of gum.

"WILL YOU TWO STOP IT?!" Dr B shouted. "I've got to think!"

The skeleton scoffed. "Man, what badger got up _his _pantaloons?" he asked.

"Not quite how I would have put it," Jack said.

Dr Brainstorm sighed and looked at the Realiphone again.

"Let's see…," he said. "Let's try this one…"

He pressed 3, #, 8, *, 1, 2, 4, 0, 9, 5, 7, 6.

**_BRZAP!_**

They looked up in surprise.

Thunder boomed around the lab.

Suddenly, it was raining empty soda cans.

"ACK!" Dr B screamed.

"Huh," Jack commented. "Nature's revenge."

"Hey, look!" the skeleton said, pointing. "Crystal Pepsi! People still _drink_ that?!"

Jack sighed.

Dr B, getting desperate, started pressing buttons again.

**_BRZAP!_**

Something big and blue and somewhat monstrous appeared in the middle of the room.

They stared at it in complete bewilderment.

"What is it?" Dr B asked.

"It's a giant blue hairbrush," Jack said, not sounding surprised at all.

"Ha! You can finally get that weird haircut of yours smoothed out!" the skeleton laughed, pointing at Dr B's hair.

Dr B glared while Jack just smirked.

And it was still raining soda cans.

Dr B tried again.

**_BRZAP!_**

"Now what?!" he shouted.

At first, the room looked unchanged.

Then they heard a trumpet somewhere in the next room.

"Did someone just play the Cavalry?" Jack asked.

Suddenly, a herd of yellow pencils came thundering through the room.

"ACK! GALLOPING PENCILS! AN ENTIRE HERD OF THEM!" Dr B screamed, running away from them.

"This is borderline silly," Jack sighed.

"How much money do you think you're making with all these cans?" the skeleton asked, looking down at the now knee-deep pile of cans.

Finally, the doors to the elevator slid open, and Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and MTM appeared in the doorway.

They stared at the pandemonium in a stupor for a moment.

"Hmmmm," Calvin said, "this could be a problem."

Hobbes sighed.

"Wow," Socrates said, excited. "Look at that hairbrush!"

"Yes, we're lucky to have gotten here when we did," Calvin said. "We'd better get the Realiphone back."

"We're not going to walk through the cans, are we?" Hobbes asked nervously. "I didn't bring an umbrella."

"Nah, hold on."

Calvin picked up a megaphone.

"HEY, FRANK!"

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_**"

"HIT THE REDIAL BUTTON!"

Dr B stared at him incredulously, but did so.

**_BRZAP!_**

Everything began to disappear.

"Well! Later, boys!" the skeleton sneered.

And he vanished.

Finally, everything calmed down.

"Okay, hand over the Realiphone," Calvin sighed, putting his hand out.

"NEVER!" Dr B shouted, holding it over his head.

"Look, you just about killed yourself just now," Hobbes said. "You need to get rid of it."

"Yes, by giving it back to _me_," Calvin added.

"No, just get rid of it," MTM said.

Everyone sighed.

"YOUR WEIRDLY NAMED DEVICE SHALL REMAIN IN MY CUSTODY!" Dr B shouted. "AND YOU SHALL TELL ME THE CORRECT SEQUENCE OF NUMBERS THAT WILL GIVE ME CONTORL OF THE WORLD!!"

There was a long throbbing pause as everyone looked at Calvin.

"Okay, fine," Calvin said, shrugging.

Everyone stared at him incredulously.

"WHAT?!?" Hobbes and Socrates shouted.

"I'll be hiding in my room," Jack said, strolling into his bedroom and locking the door behind him.

"Glad to see you've submitted to a superior mind," Dr B grinned. "Now spit it out!"

Calvin pulled the notepad out of his pocket.

"Okay, world domination, world domination…," he mumbled, flipping through several pages. "Ah! World domination: 6, 3, #, 5, 7, 9, 0, *, 2, 1, 8, 4."

Dr B pressed the appropriate combination.

"NOW WHERE IS IT?!"

**_BRZAP!_**

Everyone looked around.

Then Hobbes and Socrates were suddenly hiding in the elevator.

Dr Brainstorm raised his eyebrow.

Then he dared to look over his shoulder.

He found himself being gently poked in the nose by a sword.

An entire gang of pirates were glaring at him.

"Ah, hello," he said nervously.

"ATTACK!" the captain shouted.

And within a few seconds, Dr B was under siege by a bunch of pirates.

"HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!" he wailed.

Through the scuffle, the Realiphone flew out of Dr B's grasp and landed on the floor near Calvin.

"Okay," he sighed. "This has gone far enough."

"Now what do we do?" Socrates asked.

"MTM?"

"Yes?" MTM asked.

"I'm going to let you do something I know you've wanted to do for a long time."

"What that then?"

"You're going to destroy the Realiphone."

"What makes you think I wanted to do that?"

Everyone glared at him.

"Just get to it before I change my mind," Calvin grumbled.

"Check."

**_BRZAP!_**

MTM fired a blast of red at the Realiphone, blowing the device up.

**_BAM!_**

There was a pause.

Then the pirates finally faded away, leaving a severely tarnished Dr Brainstorm on the floor.

"Owie…," he moaned.

Calvin nodded in satisfaction.

Jack poked his head outside of his door.

"Everything fixed?" he asked.

"A-yup," Calvin said.

"Okay, I'll fix him up. See you guys later."

Everyone waved goodbye and went back into the elevator.

"What a day," Hobbes sighed as the door shut.

"Yeah," Socrates said. "A long pointless day."

"They're never really the best days, are they?" MTM asked.

Calvin shrugged. "I dunno," he said. "In the long run, this may be important than we think."

Everyone stared at him, confused.

"So… Does anyone want to throw a water balloon at a girl?" he asked.

Hobbes and Socrates waved eagerly.

* * *

Jack put his arms under Dr Brainstorm's arms and dragged him away.

"C'mon, Frank, you had a big day," he said.

"Uhhh…name…BRAIN…storm…ugh…"

"Indeed."

And as Jack dragged Dr B into the medical room, neither of them noticed that the remains of the Realiphone had mysteriously disappeared.

**The End**

**Voice Work****:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**  
Ryan Stiles **Socrates**  
Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Neil Crone **Dr Brainstorm**  
Michael Brandon **Jack**  
Gilbert Gottfried **Skeleton

* * *

**Coming Up Next:** Cyberboy


	22. Cyberboy

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Cyberboy**

It was a long dull day in the Calvin and Hobbes neighborhood.

Everyone was at Socrates' mansion. Everyone was lounging around the pool, not really doing anything.

Calvin was doing a slow backstroke across the pool with his water wings.

Hobbes had on sunglasses and jams and was reclining in an inflatable chair with a glass of pink lemonade and a crazy straw.

Andy was dozing lightly in his inner tube.

Sherman was on a beach chair somehow thinking he'd get a tan.

Socrates was for once not bouncing off the walls and was instead curled up under a towel on the side of the pool.

It was strangely mild-mannered, which, if you've been watching, is highly irregular.

"Man…," Andy said with a sigh. "This is relaxing…"

"Yeah," Hobbes agreed. "Stop ruining it by talking."

The silence resumed for a few minutes.

"Something's going to ruin this, isn't it?" Calvin sighed.

"What?" Socrates asked.

"Something or someone is going to come along and ruin this all for us."

"Oh, that's a bit pessimistic, isn't it?"

"No, no, no, Calvin's right," Sherman sighed. "We're going to have this nice peaceful moment tarnished by some sort of evil villain."

"Oh, does it have to?" Hobbes complained.

"It's not up to us, Hobbes," Calvin said. "It's just how our lives have become."

"But aren't we due for an episode where we just sit around and talk?"

"Nah, these guys are here. Usually, we're the only ones in those shows."

"Drat."

They sat in silence for a while longer.

"You know, I hope something doesn't come up where we need to exert any physical activity," Andy said. "I just haven't been in the mood to do anything lately."

"Yeah, there are so many things I have to do, the ones that are optional just feel so tiring when I actually get to them," Calvin agreed.

"Your homework isn't optional, you know," Hobbes reminded him.

"Hobbes, we're in a swimming pool. This is a no-homework zone."

"Doesn't that zone extend all the way to your school?" Socrates asked thoughtfully.

"Shut up."

They sat in silence for a bit longer.

"It's going to happen anytime now," Calvin announced, checking his watch.

"Yep," Socrates agreed. "Sooner or later, we have to go back to our normal lives."

"Sadly, yes," Hobbes said with a sigh. "We have to go through with it, whether we like it or not."

"We may do a crummy job," Andy said, "but sometimes, it's best to do a crummy job than no job at all."

"What do you suppose it'll be this time?" Sherman asked, getting up and taking his sunglasses off.

"Oh, it could be anything," Hobbes sighed, finishing his lemonade. "It could be Dr Brainstorm trying to blow up the world, Retro popping up randomly to blow us up, Rupert and Earl in some mad, hair-brained scheme that will invariably be thwarted by their own crew…"

**_BRZAP!_**

Everyone looked up in surprise and saw that MTM had teleported onto the side of the pool.

"Alright, dudes?" he asked.

"Or then again," Hobbes continued, "it could be something a zillion times worse: Calvin's inventions."

Calvin ignored him and swam over towards the MTM and climbed out of the pool. He grabbed a towel and proceeded to dry himself.

"Okay, MTM, what is it?" he asked.

"I was bored. Thought I'd pop in and check up on everyone," MTM replied.

"You know, I can't help but notice that you're always complaining about us using up your ever-so-precious battery power," Andy said, swimming over to the pool edge.

"Well you do, don't you?"

"And just ka-zapping your self over here just because you were bored isn't at all wasteful?"

"He's right," Sherman agreed. "It's the equivalent of driving around for about half an hour and using up most of the gas in the tank."

MTM snorted.

"I've run out of toys to play with," he said hotly.

"Toys?" Socrates asked.

"He's talking about all his special features," Calvin replied.

"Megaphone, time travel, interdimensional hard drive, hypercube and DirecTV," MTM said. "It all gets a bit samey after awhile."

"My deepest sentiments," Hobbes sighed, attempting to go back to sleep. "Be gone."

"What are you saying to me, MTM?" Calvin asked, draping the towel around his shoulders.

"I need a new feature."

"Do you indeed?"

"Yes, I need something new to do."

Calvin pondered.

"What could I possible give you now?" he asked. "I've tried so many."

"How about something exciting?"

"An interdimensional hard drive isn't exciting?" Sherman asked, surprised.

"Heck yeah, I'd _kill_ for one of those," Socrates agreed.

"How about something that is actually useful?"

"DirecTV isn't useful?" Sherman asked.

"Heck yeah, I'd—"

"Oi! Shut it!"

Calvin racked his brain, thinking of something he'd not tried yet. Then he came up with a plan.

"Okay," he said at last. "How about… How about something that can…send people inside of…," he began snapping his fingers, thinking hard.

"Foods?" Hobbes suggested.

"Videogames?" Andy added.

"Books?" Sherman said.

"Trees?" Socrates asked excitedly.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? I saw it on _the __Magic__School__ Bus_!"

Calvin continued thinking. Then he snapped his fingers.

"Computers!" he said, a grin on his face.

There was a silence.

"Uh-huh?" MTM asked. "Go on."

"I could invent a phaser into your system that can turn people into electronic data and send them into a computer's hard drive!"

"I see… And that benefits to me how?"

"It could send you into a computer as well."

"Hmmm… It has…possibilities, I suppose."

"Indeed," Sherman agreed. "It could help us to understand machines better by going inside them."

Socrates stood up and crossed over to Calvin with a disapproving look.

"I'm afraid I have to intercede here," he said. "Calvin, the internet is a dangerous place for a six-year-old."

"Internet?" Calvin asked. "Who said anything about—?"

"Now, I know the idea of looking a YouTube video up close is tempting, and to read the Sunday Funnies with picture clear clarity is a wondrous idea," Socrates continued as though Calvin hadn't spoken.

"Couldn't I just read the newspaper?"

"Not for long," Sherman muttered with much distaste.

Socrates didn't seem to notice them. "But the web is a dangerous world. All those dirty websites and whatnot are impressionable for a boy of your age. Innocence only lasts so long, and I'd hate to see you lose it so early on."

"Innocence?" Hobbes repeated, almost amused by the term.

"Socrates, what do _you_ know about innocence?" Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Is it wrong to be an advocator in—," Socrates started.

"I don't care where you're going with this," Calvin said. "The answer's no. I'll see you at home, Hobbes."

"Uh-huh," Hobbes said, settling back into his inflatable chair.

And with that, Calvin took MTM back to his house to get started.

Socrates shrugged and slid into the pool.

"He'd better bring that towel back," he muttered sleepily.

* * *

That night, Calvin was sitting at his desk in his pajamas. He had a sonic screwdriver and was seeing to MTM as carefully as he could.

"Okay…," he said, squinting carefully at the inner workings of the CD player. "Let's see… Just need to reroute that one here…"

He pulled down the switch on the device and it whirred softly.

"There we go…," he said.

Mom poked her head in.

"Calvin, it's time for bed," she said. "You can finish your project in the morning."

"Mm-hmm," Calvin muttered. He pushed himself away from the desk and settled himself down in his bed.

Mom noticed the sonic screwdriver on the desk.

"Calvin, what is that?" she asked, walking over to it.

"What's what?" Calvin asked, not noticing until he was just about settled.

Mom picked up the screwdriver and pulled down on the switch, causing a blue beam to come out of it.

Calvin tried to think quickly, but Mom beat him to it.

"Calvin, who gave you a laser pointer?" she asked him suspiciously.

There was a silence.

"…a guy who spoke at our class," Calvin said at last.

Mom looked suspicious for a second before finally shrugging and putting the device down.

"Dear?" Dad shouted from downstairs. "Something's wrong with the TV!"

Mom tucked Calvin into bed.

"Goodnight, dear," she said, kissing his forehead.

"'Night," Calvin replied.

And she turned off the light and closed the door.

Hobbes poked his head up from under the covers.

"Why didn't you just say you got it from Galaxoid and Nebular?" he asked.

"Hobbes, if you will recall, I've tried to explain to Mom and Dad about the life I lead. I've tried to explain that I have a cardboard box that can change me into so many other things, make more of things and then take me to different times. I've tried to explain that my CD player is capable of mending holes in reality the size of New Zealand in seconds flat and still find time to watch TV."

"Cheers," MTM said from the desk.

"I've tried to explain my squirt gun can fire lasers. I've tried to explain my pencil is a duplicator. I've tried to explain that we've been to strange, twisted, distant worlds and that our own has nearly been destroyed several times over. I've tried to explain about the people I've met and the exciting things I've seen, but it all boils down to one thing."

"What's that?" Hobbes asked.

"No one else notices _anything_!" Calvin said, grumbling.

And with that, he rolled over and went to sleep.

* * *

The next day, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman were playing in the sandbox.

Andy was building a sand castle.

"You know, a sandbox is a lot like life," he said as he put the finishing touches on it.

"How so?" Hobbes asked, looking up from his toy bulldozer.

"You spend all your time trying to build something special, and leave the world a better place."

Andy went to place the small flag on top of the sand castle.

Within seconds, it came crashing down around him.

"But more often than not, you just end up with sand in your shorts," he finished, grumbling.

"Indeed," Sherman said, not looking up.

Just then, Calvin came walking out the house with MTM in his hands.

"Ooh, speaking of which," Hobbes said, motioning towards them.

Calvin walked over to the sandbox.

"Okay, I think I've got it," he said, setting MTM down on the side of the sandbox.

"Do you indeed?" Hobbes asked, not really looking at him.

"Uh-huh. I'm going to do a test right now."

"Here in front of us?" Andy asked.

"Well, I need someone to bail me out just in case."

"Fair enough."

"Okay, MTM, engage the protocol."

"Roger."

MTM began to hum, and then suddenly, twin lasers scissored their way out of MTM and then spliced down over Calvin, seemingly erasing him from out of existence.

Everyone sat up in surprise.

"Where's he gone?" Andy asked.

"He's been converted into computer data. His entire molecular structure has been reconfigured into a series of 0's and 1's," Sherman gasped.

"Yeah, I could've said that," MTM snorted.

"Now what do we do?" Hobbes asked.

"Now we need a computer to download him into."

"Where do we get one?" Sherman asked.

He suddenly became aware that everyone was looking at him.

"Oh come on!" he cried. "Why me?"

"Why _not _you?" Andy asked.

"But… But my computers are highly-advanced pieces of machinery! Can't we just find some beat-up old laptop for him to terrorize?"

"Come on, Shermie," Andy sighed, scooping up the hamster.

Hobbes picked up MTM and they headed for Andy's house.

* * *

Now that they were in Sherman's massive lab, Hobbes held MTM up to a computer.

"Now what?" he asked.

"Just aim me at the USB Port," MTM said.

"Uh…what now?" Hobbes asked, staring at the computer curiously.

"It's the little slot on the bottom of the computer," Andy replied, pointing at the small metal slot that was beneath the power button.

"Oh. Right."

Hobbes aimed MTM's power outlet at the USB Port, and then there was a zapping noise.

_ZAP!_

The computer suddenly revved like a car, causing all to jump away from it.

"What now?" Hobbes moaned.

"I swear, if you just broke my incredibly expensive computer…," Sherman warned angrily.

"Look!" Andy cried, pointing at the giant wall screen.

The screen seemed to roar into life and the typical everyday desktop screen appeared with several little icons.

And after a brief pause, Calvin blipped onto the screen as well.

"Ha!" he shouted. "Look at me! I'm on a computer screen, and it's not because someone took a picture of me, or recorded an embarrassing video of me and put it on the web!"

"I swear, Socrates said the battery was dead!" Hobbes insisted.

Calvin waved him off and floated around the screen.

"Okay, let's see what I can do in here!" he shouted, soaring around the screen.

"Just be careful," Sherman cautioned.

"Yeah, yeah…"

Calvin floated over towards a blue E and pressed it, activating Internet Explorer. The homepage, Google ™, appeared on the screen.

"Okay," he said eagerly. "Let me try something."

He floated up towards the search slot. He put his finger on it.

"Tigers," he said loudly.

And lo and behold, the word "Tigers" appeared in the slot.

Calvin flew downwards and pressed the Google Search option.

The screen whirred a bit, and then the results came up. Options between Web, Images and News, four images of tigers, ten web links with their descriptions, sponsored links offering you to adopt a tiger, and related search options.

"Look at that!" Calvin said excitedly. "Over forty-six million, two hundred thousand results for tigers!"

"Huh," Hobbes said. "I was expecting upwards of more."

Sherman rolled his eyes.

Calvin flew around the screen.

"Let's see what else I can do!"

He flew down to the taskbar and pulled it up. But he pulled too hard and ended up yanking the taskbar into it's grow feature, and it ended up taking up the entire screen, sending Calvin to be crammed in between it and the top.

"Ow!" he yelled.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Calvin then gave the side of the taskbar a good solid kick with his heel, causing him to suddenly drop back down again.

"Whoa!" he shouted.

And the bar disappeared when it reached the bottom, so Calvin smacked into the bottom of the screen.

"Okay, let's try that again," he muttered.

Carefully bringing the taskbar back up again, he managed pressed the start button. The options came up.

He flew up them and selected All Programs. This opened a new list options, and he went up them until he found Games. This opened yet another list, and he selected another one.

A new window opened on the screen that was filled with a bunch of blank squares.

"Look!" Calvin cried. "Mindsweeper!"

"Hey, what's the deal with that game? I never could figure the darn thing out," Hobbes asked.

**WARNING! EDUCATIONAL CONTENT!**

"When the game is started," said Sherman, "the player is presented with a grid of blank squares. The size of the grid is dependent on the skill level chosen by the player, with higher skill levels having larger grids. If the player clicks on a square without a mine, a digit is revealed in that square, the digit indicating the number of adjacent squares (typically, out of the possible 8) which contain mines. By using logic, players can in many instances use this information to deduce that certain other squares are mine-free (or mine-filled), and proceed to click on additional squares to clear them or mark them with flag graphics to indicate the presence of a mine. The player can place a flag graphic on any square believed to contain a mine by right-clicking on the square. Right-clicking on a square that is flagged will sometimes, according to settings, change the flag graphic into a question mark to indicate that the square may or may not contain a mine. Right-clicking on a square marked with a question mark will set the square back to its original state. Squares marked with a flag cannot be cleared by left-clicking on them, though question marks can be cleared in the same manor as normal squares. If the question mark state is deemed unnecessary, it can be disabled so that right clicking on a flagged mine will set it directly to its original state. In some versions, the expedient of middle-clicking (or clicking the left and right buttons simultaneously) on a number having at least as many adjacent flags as the value of the number reveals all the unmarked squares neighboring the number; however, the game is forfeit in the event a related flag was placed in error. Some implementations allow for the mouse to be moved with the right mouse-button depressed after flagging a mine; the player can then click on multiple squares while dragging with the right mouse-button. As an alternative to clicking both buttons at the same time players can also middle-click or shift-click on fully-flagged numbers. Some implementations of will set up the board by never placing a mine on the first square clicked, or by arranging the board so that the solution does not require guessing."

And he took a deep breath in what he was done explaining.

Hobbes and Andy stared at him.

"Ohhhh…," Hobbe said at last. "Thanks."

* * *

That evening, Calvin and Hobbes returned home with MTM. They reentered their room and settled in for the night.

"Well, that went smoothly," Calvin said happily. "I think we've finally found a flawless feature."

"Don't jinx it," Hobbes warned.

Calvin rolled his eyes and set MTM down on the desk.

"So, MTM, you feeling better now?"

"Am I indeed," MTM replied.

"Good. I'll expect no more complaints for at least a week. Got it?"

"It got."

There was a pause as they stared at him.

"It got what?" Hobbes asked.

"Eh?"

"You said 'it got'. What got what?"

"No, I didn't. I said 'got it'."

"Did you? I'm pretty sure I heard 'it got'."

"Yeah, me too," said Calvin.

"Well, it's not imporant, I'm sure," MTM decided. "Probably just a slip of the tongue."

"You don't have a tongue."

"Point being?"

Calvin sighed. "Whatever. I'm going down for dinner."

And he left.

Hobbes and MTM were silent for a minute before MTM finally spoke again.

"Bad going minutes Brussels here have a about complaining in come feeling I he's to up about sprouts fifteen. You?"

Hobbes stared at MTM incredulously.

"You know, I'm not saying my life wasn't easier before you came along, but I can't help but notice a big difference," he said, pointing at the CD player squarely.

And with that, he settled into bed with a comic book and waited for Calvin to bring up anything he didn't like.

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to go through without any trouble. And no one seemed to notice MTM's sudden speech impediment.

Calvin and Hobbes were laying on Calvin's bed, reading comic books. When Calvin suddenly felt his mouth go dry.

"Hey, Hobbes?" He asked, turning around.

"Hmm?" Hobbes asked, turning around.

"I'm thirsty," Calvin said.

"Of course you are,"

There was a moment of silence.

"Would you...."

"No," Hobbes said, turning back to the comic book.

Calvin looked offended.

"Well!" He said, indignantly. "Some friend you are!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said.

"See if I ever do any favors for you in the future!"

"I can live with that." Hobbes said.

"Good!" Calvin spat. "And let that be a lesson to you! MTM?!"

"Ques?" MTM asked.

"I desire a glass of milk!" Calvin announced.

"At the south end of the rock!" MTM replied.

"Don't argue with me!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Very not here." MTM said.

"That's no excuse!" Calvin growled.

"There where too. Also never always. Ever." MTM said.

"I don't know where you get off, MTM!" Calvin spat. "I'll get the milk, myself!"

"Kayla can't play games anymore."

"Yes she can! Now shut up!!" Calvin screamed, getting up from the bed.

"Who's Kayla?" Hobbes asked.

"I don't know, I'm too thirsty to care!" Calvin spat, storming out of the room.

Hobbes sighed and turned back to his comic book.

There was a moment of silence.

"Worried of the universal connection?" MTM suddenly asked.

Hobbes looked up.

"Nope." He said. "You?"

"Chocolate camera." MTM said.

There was a pause.

"Should I be concerned about the fact that you've suddenly become stupid?" Hobbes asked.

"Three poodles in a tutu dance on a barber shop." MTM replied.

"So, no I shouldn't?"

"Lady fingers."

"Whatever," Hobbes went back to his comic book.

Another six seconds past before the MTM spoke, again.

"Velcro."

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Calvin came walking back into the bedroom. The glass of milk held in his hand appeared to have calmed him down.

"What I miss?" He asked, sitting back on the bed.

"Would you please fix the MTM?" Hobbes groaned.

"Why?" Calvin asked. "What's wrong with him?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin in disbelief.

"He won't shut up! He's rattling off every word in the English Language!"

"Even the bad ones?" Calvin asked, eagerly.

Silence filled the land.

"No, Calvin, he hasn't said any of the bad ones, yet." Hobbes sighed.

"Well we need to stay here until he does! Just think of the vocabulary building knowledge we'll acquire!"

And with that, Calvin spun around and faced the MTM with a wide grin on his face.

Hobbes stared at him, silently for a moment.

"I'm going over to Socrates'," He said, finally. Picking his comic book up, and walking out of the room with it.

* * *

When Hobbes came to Socrates' house, he was shocked to find Socrates at his computer.

"Who's there!" Socrates shouted from his bedroom. For those unaware of the design of Socrates' house, let me let you in on it. His room is upstairs. The front door is downstairs. Socrates was sitting in his chair at the computer in his bedroom, shouting towards the downstairs at the front door.

I'm sorry, but that's just where we've crossed the line from laziness.

"It's Hobbes," Hobbes replied to the faint voice he heard from behind the door.

"COME ON IN, OL' BUDDY!!!!" Came Socrates' distinctly loud voice.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and walked in the door, and walked up to his bedroom.

"Hey Socry." Hobbes said, walking in the door. "What are you up too?"

"I'm going global!" Socrates announced, swinging around in his swivel chair.

Hobbes walked up and studied the computer screen.

"You've.... registered on MySpace." Hobbes said.

"Yep!" Socrates grinned. "With the help of the World Wide Web, I'll be able to bring joy and happiness to people all over the world!"

Hobbes stared at the screen.

"It's says here you're 109 years old and female." He said.

"Yeah, I don't really know how to change that," Socrates said looking at the screen.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"But look here, I've invited every single member on MySpace to be my friend!!" He said.

Hobbes was silent.

"Every single member?"

"Every single member!"

"You can't had found every single member..."

"I found every single member!"

Hobbes stared at Socrates.

"How did you find every single member?" He demanded.

"I have a lot of time on my hands." Socrates grinned.

"You do know that some people just register on MySpace and then abandon their account after the first few hours of being on, don't you?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, I plan on canceling the invites that don't get responses after the first few weeks," Socrates grinned. "You want to see my friends list so far?!"

"Oh, why not?" Hobbes sighed, sitting down next to Socrates.

"Neat! Now, here are all the famous people who have it set to just automatically accept friend invites from anybody who feels the urge!" Socrates said, pointing motioning to a bunch of pictures.

"Uh huh," Hobbes said.

"Now, this guy is writing to me from Death Row." Socrates said, pointing at another picture.

"Oh, that's just lovely." Hobbes said.

"Here's another one who works at the tobacco industry!"

"Hmmm,"

"Here's Lord Voldemort's account!"

"Why not?"

"And here's someone called Kayla. She's in the mental institution!"

"Really? How come?" Hobbes asked.

"She's the only known inhabitant of Montana besides Ted Turner and Dana Carvey!" Socrates whispered.

"Yeah, didn't see that coming," Hobbes nodded.

Suddenly, a window popped up on Socrates' computer.

"Oo! I got a PM from someone!" Socrates said, excitedly.

"Really?" Hobbes asked. "What's it say?"

There was a pause as Socrates studied the note.

"I don't know. I don't speak Japanese." He said at last. "But the little bit I _am_ picking up is just downright filthy!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"You're opening up a can of worms, here, Socrates." He said, shaking his head.

"Think what you will, my friend," Socrates said, turning back to the computer. "Frankly, I don't know why I didn't do this, sooner!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, what brings you here?" Socrates asked, turning back to Hobbes.

"Things are getting too weird at our house," Hobbes said.

"Really?" Socrates grinned. "So you're saying mutant cockatiels are watching Fred videos on Youtube while some geese are juggling tiny elephants in the kitchen?"

Hobbes stared at Socrates for a long moment.

"Ya know, Socrates, sometimes I wonder what really goes on in your head." He said.

"Well I can tell you that I put medically insane people to shame." Socrates nodded. "Ya wanna see the other guy who accepted my friend invitation?"

"I'm not sure."

"He's says he's a vampire!" Socrates yelled, as if this was the most wonderful thing he could ever have known.

Hobbes stared at him for a long moment.

* * *

Later, back at the house, Calvin was examining the MTM.

He had a plug plugged in from it's headphone jack to the USB port on his Dad's computer, and he was going through the files.

A wall of numbers was flashing across the monitor, but instead of a solid wall, there were several gaps in between the numbers. This was not causing Calvin joy and happiness. He had a deep frown on his face as he studied the computer.

Suddenly, Hobbes came walking in the front door.

"OK, I actually think things are less weird, here," He said, sitting down next to Calvin. "What are you doing?"

"Looking through the MTM's files. There's several of them missing! It's as if something went through and deleted a big chunk of the MTM's hard drive!"

"Well, isn't that tragic?" Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at him.

"You have no sympathy at all, you know that?" He demanded.

There was a pause.

"Calvin, it's a CD player." He sighed, heavily.

Calvin sighed and turned back to the computer.

"I've been making a few theories on what this might be, and I've finally come to a conclusion." He said, typing a few things into the keyboard.

"Really?" Hobbes asked. "What is it?"

"I accidentally downloaded a virus on the MTM." Calvin said, turning to Hobbes.

Silence.

"How did you do that?" Hobbes asked, finally.

"Well, I needed to download and install the latest version of Adobe Flash Player for the new feature I installed to work. Apparently the file I downloaded had a virus attached to it." Calvin said.

He waited for an answer. It didn't come.

He turned and looked over at Hobbes.

He was staring at Calvin with a look of mixed bewilderment and disbelief.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," Hobbes sighed, shaking his head. "So what do you propose we do about the virus?"

"Oh, that's simple," Calvin grinned. "I downloaded some anti-virus software to get rid of it."

Hobbes stared at him.

"What, you don't think it will work?" Calvin asked.

"Have you actually ever been on this computer?" Hobbes asked.

"As a matter of fact, I have been! I'm on it all the time!" Calvin assured him. "Now come on, we have work to do!"

And with that, Calvin whirled back around to the computer in his swivel chair, and began clicking around on it.

He opened up the virus software and clicked on scan.

"Alright, I have set it to do a thorough scan of the MTM's entire hard drive!" Calvin grinned, leaning back in the chair.

"That's good," Hobbes nodded. "How long's it gonna take?"

"Oh, I dunno, not long. Let's just see."

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes began staring at the screen.

Minutes past.

Calvin and Hobbes stared intently at the screen.

More minutes past.

The progress meter slowly made its way up to one percent.

There was another moment of silence.

"I gonna go get a smoothie while we wait," Hobbes said, walking off in the opposite direction.

"I want Raspberry!" Calvin called.

"Get it yourself," Hobbes said.

"I'll go without," Calvin said.

The time elapsed meter hit the thirty minute mark.

Calvin was still staring at the screen wide eyed as the meter raised to two percent.

Another ten minutes dragged by slowly.

The meter moved up to three percent.

Calvin's eyebrow's jumped.

Suddenly, the meter dropped back down to two percent.

Calvin's eyebrows then did a full reverse and began digging into eyes.

"Alright, forget it!" He said, finally, clicking on cancel, and closing the program down. "We'll just go and get rid of it, ourselves!"

Hobbes, who had been sleeping on the couch all this time, looked up and stared at Calvin with sleepy eyes.

"Light suds?" He asked, still in a sleep daze.

"Hobbes, we're going to transfer our molecules into the MTM and manually delete the virus." Calvin said, turning around.

There was a short pause as Hobbes' half asleep brain registered what Calvin had just said to him.

Hobbes' brain then sent out the usual automatic reaction to such sentences.

ZOOM!!!

Pillows went flying off the couch, as Hobbes disappeared in a cloud of dust. His eyes didn't even have time to bug out of his head before his vanishing act.

Calvin swore he heard a sonic boom, as the closet door slammed in the hallway upstairs.

He heaved a deep sigh, and walked over to his telephone.

He picked up and began dialing.

"Hi Andy, it's Calvin," He said, leaning against the desk. "Listen, could you bring Sherman to the house? I need to discus some very important issues with you."

There was a pause.

"What makes you think that? That's preposterous, I'm not asking you to go anywhere dangerous with me!"

There was another pause.

"Andy, that's just wrong, you know that, don't you?" Calvin said, disgusted.

Another silence.

"Well, if you don't come, I'll just have the MTM teleport you. It's your choice." Calvin said, blandly, knowing Andy was unaware of the MTM's condition.

Silence.

"Good. See you in a few. Bring Socrates if you see him." And with that, Calvin hung the phone up.

* * *

"Calvin, actually how do you expect to use this feature if the MTM isn't working?" Andy demanded as he, Sherman, Socrates and the recently captured Hobbes stood in Calvin's room.

"Oh, it will work," Calvin assured him, picking the MTM up, and walking over to them with it.

"How do you know?" Socrates demanded.

Calvin glared at them.

"Ya know what the problem with you people are? You're too negative. You're so grim and morbid, I'm surprised you've made it this far in life!"

Hobbes and Socrates exchanged glances.

"So in other words, what you're saying is that you don't know that it's going to work, and you're just being an optimist."

"You bethchya." Calvin said. "Now, the MTM is set to go into a submissive state, so we can work inside him, I just need you all to huddle together. This feature is especially dangerous, because I haven't tried it out, yet, since it's initial installation."

THUMP

Socrates, Andy and Sherman turned.

Hobbes had just fallen to the ground, and his eyes had slammed shut.

"I can't believe any of you. Hobbes get up here, and stop pretending to have fainted." Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

And so the deed was done.

Everyone gathered around the faulty MTM, after Hobbes had reluctantly got back up, and Calvin began pushing some buttons.

"Cow the midnight sun" MTM said, garbled.

"I know what I'm doing, MTM," Calvin grumbled, pushing another button.

"Alright," MTM managed to say. "Activated."

BRAZAP!!!

Hobbes slammed his hands over his eyes, and drew back.

There was a moment of silence.

"Am I dead?" Hobbes asked.

"Whoa, this is an interesting background," Andy's voice came.

Hobbes refused to look.

"I'm dead aren't I?" Hobbes asked.

"No, you're no..." Calvin's voice trailed off.

There was a moment of silence.

"Hobbes? Where are you?" Calvin's voice asked.

"I'm right here," Hobbes whined, still refusing to look at his surroundings.

"Where?" Socrates asked.

"Here," Hobbes whimpered.

"Hobbes, for Pete's sake! OPEN YOUR EYES!!!" Calvin called, angrily.

"I don't want to." Hobbes replied.

"If you don't open your eyes, you won't know if there's a virus standing over you getting ready to kill you," Sherman voice came. "You wouldn't be able to run away."

At this, Hobbes' eyes exploded open, and scanned his surroundings.

In his blind panic, it took a few seconds, before he realized where he was.

"Calvin?" He asked, looking around.

"Yes, Hobbes?" Calvin replied.

"I'm still in your bedroom." Hobbes said, looking around.

The static of the silence that followed was nearly deafening.

"What do you mean you're still in my bedroom?" Calvin demanded.

"I'm still in your bedroom." Hobbes repeated. "I'm standing here, looking at the MTM on the floor."

"How can you hear us talking?" Socrates asked.

"Your voices are coming out of the MTM." Hobbes said.

More silence.

"Hobbes, if you run away, I will destroy you, when I get out of here!" Calvin warned.

"Why didn't he come in with us?" Sherman asked.

"The little coward stepped back when the conversion happened, and got out of range," Calvin grumbled.

A wide grin spread across Hobbes' face.

"And you can just wipe that little grin off your face that I know is there, Hobbes!!" Calvin spat.

Hobbes' face dropped.

"Great, so what do we do, now?" Andy asked.

"We're going to have to go through with the mission without Hobbes," Calvin said.

Fireworks went off in Hobbes' mind.

"But I suppose that's a good thing, because depending on how powerful the virus is, We may have to force it out into the physical world." Calvin said. "We'll need Hobbes out there to stop it."

At this, Hobbes' shoulders dropped and his heart missed nearly two beats.

* * *

Meanwhile, inside the MTM, things looked a lot different.

Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were standing on green square outlines with backgrounds of pitch black. There were several green numbers and information files floating around and various static charges going off in random places.

The conversion had also changed Calvin and the gang's appearance, now causing them to take on a more 3-D square like shape. Think Jimmy Neutron. I might also add that was extremely odd looking, because Calvin's hair almost never looks right in 3-D.

"Alright, so what's the plan?" Andy asked, looking at the various electrical things occurring around him.

"We look for the virus, beat it up, and tell it to go away," Calvin said, putting some latex gloves on.

"Well, you brought some of your inventions to help us out, didn't you?" Socrates asked.

"Nope, I forgot them," Calvin said, causally, putting on a safari hat. "I meant to bring them but they slipped my mind. Shall we proceed?"

Andy, Sherman and Socrates all stared at Calvin in bland disgust.

Hobbes sat outside in front of the MTM, silently thanking the good lord that he wasn't in there with them.

"You didn't bring anything?" Andy asked.

"Nope," Calvin replied.

"Not even a walki talki so we can keep in contact if we get separated?"

"Don't have anything." Calvin said. "In fact, I even forgot the molecular reconstruction device that's designed to take us out of the MTM after we've deleted the virus, so that's another up to Hobbes being out there, watching over the mission."

"Gee whiz, and I thought you at least considered thinking these suicide missions ahead," Socrates said, gruffly.

"Alright, so here's the plan," Calvin said, ignoring Socrates. "What we're looking for is going to look a little like a black hole in the software. It's going to be something that clearly doesn't belong and it'll be slowly absorbing the hard drive and sucking in all the files.

"How do you know?" Andy asked.

"I don't. I'm just guessing," Calvin said. "Now when we find it, we'll use the Mega-Shrinker 5000 to...." Calvin paused. "Oh... wait...."

Andy's eyes rolled into the back of his head and Sherman and Socrates' heads fell to their chests.

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when it comes," Calvin shrugged. "Right now, our goal is to find the virus."

"How the heck are we supposed to find it?" Andy demanded. "This place is huge!"

"Yeah, I can literally look straight ahead for miles." Socrates said.

"Yes, well MTM does have a 800 Gigabyte hard drive." Calvin bragged. "That's more than I can say for most people I know."

"Well, that's because most of the people you know don't ever get onto computers." Hobbes said.

"Shut up, Hobbes." Calvin spat, whirling around. "This is my mission and you're not a part of it!"

Calvin spent a second trying to figure out what to address, as Hobbes was no where in sight, and ended up facing a giant green 6 that was floating by them.

"So how are we going to find it?" Sherman asked. "We can't spend more than an hour in here, or our molecular structure will become locked in this form and we won't be able to get out."

"Yes, well, that's where Hobbes comes in!" Calvin grinned. "Since MTM is in SAFE MODE right now, if Hobbes continuously pushes the PLAY button, all the information in the hard drive will be refreshed and we can instantaneously teleport through the computer until we find it!"

There was a pause.

"And what would we have done had Hobbes been converted along with the rest of us?" Andy asked.

"So you see?" Calvin said. "Things always work out right for me! Now let's go. Hobbes, you know the plan?"

"Yeah, I heard you," Hobbes' voice said. "Let me know when you're ready."

"Say what is that noise?" Socrates asked.

There was a pause.

"What noise?" Andy asked.

"You don't hear it?" Socrates asked. "It's kind of like a faint beeping."

"It's a computer, Socrates, you're going to hear beeps, here," Calvin said. "Anyway, fire away, Hobbes!"

Outside, Hobbes pushed the PLAY button.

WHOOSH!!

Suddenly the computer background that Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were standing on, shifted, and they found themselves in a completely different part of the hard drive.

They looked around.

They were surrounded by several tiny televison screens, each one containing a picture of Calvin and gang doing something.

"Hmmm," Calvin observed. "It's the MTM's memory bank."

"Hey, look, here's when Brainstorm knocked your door over, shortly before Sheila knocked your wall over!" Socrates grinned, pointing at one screen.

"Here's where Hobbes saved us from our future selves by blowing up our space ship" Andy said, pointing to another screen.

"Oh god, does it still have that picture of what I was going to look like ten years from now?" Socrates demanded.

Andy browsed through the screens.

"Yyyyyyyyyyep," He said, finally, pointing at another screen.

Socrates looked.

"Oh, good god, I'm even worse than I remembered! Can we delete that one?!" He groaned.

"No time," Calvin said, turning around. "Hobbes! Push the button, again!"

Hobbes shrugged, and pushed the button a second time.

WHOOSH

The computer shifted again, and this time Calvin and the gang found themselves in front of a giant computer monitor with an electronic keyboard. Around the monitor and keyboard on the ground were several spotlights, lighting it up, and alerting that it was active.

Calvin studied it.

"Ah..." He said, finally. "It's the MTM's Wifi Internet."

"Really?" Socrates grinned. "Cool! I need to do something!"

The tiger then pushed past Calvin, and began typing on the keyboard.

"What do you need to do?" Andy asked, his brow furrowing.

"I need to update my mood on my MySpace account!" Socrates grinned.

"You have a MySpace account?" Sherman demanded.

"Uh huh!!" Socrates grinned, crazily.

Andy and Calvin exchanged glances.

Socrates quickly logged in and looked through his messages.

"Hey! Four hundred and seventy three more members accepted my friend invitations!" He grinned.

"Socrates, don't you know that MySpace is a virus hotspot?" Calvin demanded.

"Oh, that's just an urban myth!" Socrates scoffed, as he changed his mood from HYPERACTIVE to NINJA and then logged out.

"Exactly why would you want to get one of these accounts in the first place?" Andy inquired, looking at Socrates skeptically.

"To become famous, of course!" Socrates said, turning around. "What other reason would there be?!"

Calvin, Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a long moment.

"What?" Socrates demanded.

"My opinion of you has changed," Calvin said. "Alright, Hobbes, push the button, again."

"Righto," Hobbes said, pushing the button a third time.

WHOOSH!!

The third shift occurred, and Calvin and the gang moved to another part of the computer.

This time they were in front of a giant speaker. It too had lights stationed around it, lighting it up.

"What's this?" Andy asked.

Calvin looked it up and down.

"I... think it's the MTM's voice chip," He said. "I'm not entirely sure, though,"

"Well, there's an ON switch right over here," Socrates said, walking over. "Let's flip it on, and see,"

Before Socrates even touched the speaker, Calvin, Andy and Sherman knew it was going to be bad.

!!!!!

Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy, Sherman were all knocked over in shock as the ear piercing screech of the Scream Horn echoed out from the MTM and through Calvin's house.

* * *

Downstairs, Mom and Dad looked up from watching TV.

They stared at the ceiling for a long time, then finally looked at each other.

"I'm sure he knows what he's doing," Mom said, turning back to the TV.

Dad shrugged and turned back as well.

* * *

Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all laid on their backs at least fifty feet away from the speaker.

Socrates looked up.

"Well, it wasn't the voice chip," He said.

Calvin, Andy and Sherman glared at him.

"Why do we bring him?" Andy asked, tiredly.

Calvin shook his head and stood up.

"Hobbes? Are you still there?"

"Sort of," Hobbes' muffled voice came.

"Well get out of the closet and push PLAY, again!" Calvin ordered.

There was the sound of a door closing and feet shuffling over.

"You're good," Andy said.

"I've lived with him for several years, I know how he reacts to everything, now." Calvin shrugged.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and pushed PLAY for the fourth time.

WHOOSH

Calvin and the gang experienced another shift, and this time, they were taken to where they wanted to be.

All the bright green lines had turned dark and faded, throwing eerie shadows everywhere. Green electricity was crackling all around them. There was the faint sound of white noise in the background. And finally, there was a giant bright purple rectangle hovering in the air giving out shockwaves of electricity, above a small projector, which was dark and unlit.

Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all stared at it.

"Whoa," Andy said. "That doesn't look good."

"Where are we?" Socrates asked.

"The projection room," Calvin said. "That's the MTM's old hologram projector."

He walked up and studied the situation.

"It looks like the virus has attached itself to it. Since it's inactive, it's the best place for the virus to hide." He said.

Calvin then stood back and looked it up and down.

"OK," Andy said. "So what do we do, now?"

There was a pause. Then Calvin shrugged.

"Hang on, I'll think of something," He said.

Everyone groaned.

There was a moment of silence.

Then Calvin turned to the group.

"How is it we can find the virus ourselves in less than ten minutes, but it takes an anti-virus system more than an hour before I just click on cancel?" He demanded.

Everyone glared at him.

"Alright, fine! I'll think of something!" Calvin assured them, turning back around.

There was another pause.

"I mean, I'd expect more from advanced freeware like that!" Calvin said.

"Calvin," Sherman said, dangerously.

"Alright, alright, fine," Calvin sighed. "Here's the plan." He looked to make sure no one was listening. Of course, no one was, so he leaned over and whispered, "I'm going to kick it and see what happens."

Three pairs of eyes stared at Calvin in utter disbelief.

"What makes you think that'll work?" Andy demanded.

"Hey, you can stop an army of mummies by telling them to play cards! I'm entitled to my ideas!" Calvin said, defensively.

"You don't know what to do," Sherman sighed. "Do you actually think that anit-virus systems are going around kicking the infections they find?"

"No one asked you!" Calvin said, smugly.

And with that, he turned and walked towards the virus.

He glared at the three people watching, then threw his foot into the purple mass.

SPLAT!!

There was a pause.

Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all stared at Calvin's foot.

Outside, Hobbes was listening, but wasn't hearing any reactions.

"Well? Did it work?" He asked, finally.

"No, but I got my foot stuck," Calvin's voice replied.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin yanked on his leg, but it was stuck firmly in the virus.

"I can't believe you." Andy sighed.

"Well, don't just stand there!" Calvin groaned. "Grab my hand and pull!"

Andy and Socrates sighed, walked over to Calvin, and took his arm.

And then, they both started leaning against their weight, trying to get Calvin out.

"OW!" Calvin yelled. "You just popped my arm out of it's socket!"

"No, we didn't!" Andy grunted. "It's not coming out.

"Well, hold on," Socrates said, walking over. "Maybe if we grab you're foot from the bottom, and pull it out...."

Socrates then walked over, and pushed his hand into the glob, and grabbed Calvin's foot.

He then began trying to yank his foot out, only to realize that he now had his hand stuck.

Silence filled the land, as everyone stared at Socrates' hand.

"OK, I wanna know what made you think that was going to work?" Sherman asked, finally.

"I forgot...." Socrates said, sheepishly.

"Of course you did," Calvin said, disgusted.

There was another moment of silence.

"Now what?" Andy demanded.

Calvin looked around.

"There! There's an eight over there!" He said, pointing to the east. "Go get it, and we'll both take one end and pull!"

Andy looked at the number floating by, and shrugged.

He ran over and grabbed it, then rushed back.

He gave Calvin and Socrates one end, and held on tight to the other end.

"Alright, now pull!" Calvin yelled.

Andy then threw his weight against the eight, and tried to get Calvin and Socrates out.

It didn't work. But, it did do something else.

The virus was yanked forward a full ten feet, throwing Calvin and Socrates deeper into it, and also catching Andy, as he fell backwards.

Sherman went tumbling off Andy's shoulder, and landed on the ground as Andy's entire left side was absorbed by the virus.

The small hamster stood up, and examined the situation.

Calvin, Socrates and Andy all stared at him.

"OK, Sherman, if you..." Calvin started.

"I'm not doing anything." Sherman said, holding his paws up. "I'm still free."

Calvin, Socrates and Andy all glared at him.

"Well, what do you expect us to do?!" Andy demanded.

"Well, what good is going to be if we all get caught in it?!" Sherman demanded. "Let me just think about this for a while."

There was a pause, as Sherman examined the glob of purple, which now contained three of his friends. Well, two of his friends and Socrates.

"How long have we been in the computer?" Andy asked.

Sherman looked at his tiny watch.

"About forty five minutes," He said, calmly.

"Forty five minutes?!" Calvin demanded. "We need to get out of here in less than fifteen!"

"Fifteen, exactly," Sherman said, rolling his eyes.

"OK, Fine, fifteen exactly! What are we going to do?!" Calvin screamed.

"There it is, again," Socrates said, looking around.

"There's what again?" Calvin demanded, turning and glaring at Socrates.

"That beeping." Socrates said. "It's getting louder."

"Of course there's beeping! It's a computer!"

"Well, what is it?" Socrates asked.

"I don't know! The computer's working! Do you have to question every tiny little sound you hear?"

"Hey, I hear it, too," Andy said, furrowing his brow. "It's getting faster, too."

Calvin strained his ears.

"Well, I don't hear it!" He said, finally.

Sherman listened.

"Yeah, I hear it," He said, finally. "It is getting louder."

"Well, why can't I hear it?!" Calvin demanded.

"Well, maybe you should shut up for a second," Socrates said.

Calvin glared at him, ferociously.

Then, he heard it. A faint beeping. Slowly getting faster.

Beep...Beep...Beep.. Beep... Beep.. Beep...

Everyone stopped and listened.

The beeping continued to get faster and louder, until finally it became just one continuous sound and it was clear that it was there.

Everyone looked around.

Then, a voice rang out through the computer.

"Working. Testing.... 1...2..3...2...1. nick-knack, patty whack, give a dog a bone."

Calvin and Andy exchanged glances. It was the MTM's voice.

"Jambo, dudes!" The MTM said. "How goes it?"

"Not too well," Calvin said. "Why aren't you hibernating?"

"Oy, I'm not allowed to work on the problem while you're goofing up?" MTM demanded. "While you were busy getting stuck in there, I was in my office operating through files and getting my voice chip and operating system back in order."

"Your office?" Socrates asked.

"I then pin-pointed the virus, and prepared the eradication process, until I saw you three had bundled right into the middle of it." MTM continued. "You're darn lucky I saw you I time and stopped the process, or else I would deleted all three of you!"

Calvin, Socrates and Andy paused.

"Yes... I'm glad you saw us, too." Andy said.

"I suppose you three will want me to unstick you." MTM yawned.

Calvin glared forward, not entirely sure where to look, as he was addressing a disembodied voice.

"That would be nice, yes," He growled.

"Oh, very well." MTM said.

There was a pause, then suddenly, the purple blob vanished.

The green lines surrounding them lit up with green lights, once, again, and the static stopped.

Calvin, Andy and Socrates all hung in the air for a moment, then collapsed on the floor.

"I believe you all owe me a 'thank you'," MTM said, stiffly.

Calvin, Andy and Socrates glared into the nothing.

Hobbes had been outside this whole time, listening silently to what was going on, and finally, he decided to speak up.

"So..... are we ready to leave, now?"

"I don't know," Socrates said. "We should really wait until the very last nanosecond until we leave just build some more suspense."

"Alright, MTM, beam us out," Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

"Righto."

There was a pause as the MTM hummed to himself, quietly.

Then there was a flash of blue electricity and Calvin, Andy, Sherman and Socrates all vanished.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes was outside, watching the MTM with great gratitude and joy that he had not been a part of this little adventure.

Suddenly, there was a flash of blue light, and Calvin, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all appeared in front of him.

Calvin was glaring.

"Oh hi," Hobbes said, innocently. "Did you fix it?"

"Yes, we fixed it!" Calvin spat. "No thanks to you, you little weasel!"

"Hey, I pushed the PLAY button!" Hobbes defended.

Andy rolled his eyes.

"It's not about that, Hobbes!" Calvin spat. "You've tarnished my perfect reputation!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Your what?" MTM demanded.

"My perfect reputation!" Calvin repeated. "Every time I need to do something particularly interesting, I have always gotten Hobbes right into the middle of it with me. Since he backed out at the last second, and didn't get converted, my whole life is ruined!"

"I thought your whole life was ruined when Socrates dunked your parents in that mayonnaise and they blamed you." Andy pointed out.

"Well, it had become partially unruined by this time." Calvin said. "And then Hobbes ruined it, again!"

There was a pause.

"Well, I'm gonna go update my mood, again," Socrates said, starting towards the door. "I need to set it to HYPER, again."

"Why?" Hobbes asked. "You're not hyper."

"Yes well, that's really the only mood MySpace lists that even comes close to my colorful personality." Socrates said. "I've written to the administrator, and asked him to add PRANKFUL, but he hasn't replied to me."

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Prankful isn't a word, Socrates," Sherman sighed.

"See, that's my purpose in life," Socrates pointed out. "I need to change that. Well, see ya!"

And with that, Socrates rushed out of the room.

* * *

The next day, Calvin and Hobbes were laying on Calvin's bed reading comic books.

MTM was sitting silently on Calvin's desk.

Suddenly, a loud beep echoed through the entire room.

Calvin rolled around.

"What was that?" He asked.

"Oh that was me," MTM said. "I just got an e-mail."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the MTM.

"You get e-mail?" Hobbes asked.

"Sure, my address is " MTM said.

There was a pause.

"How long have you had your own website?" Calvin asked.

"Oh, you don't know about it?" MTM said, shocked. "It gets over 10,000 hits a day,"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

"Anyway, what does the e-mail say?" Calvin asked.

"It's from MySpace," MTM said.

"Oh god," Calvin and Hobbes moaned in unison.

"It seems Socrates wishes me to add him to his friends list," MTM said.

"Don't tell me you have a MySpace?" Hobbes demanded.

"No, I don't," MTM said. "He wants me to join and then friend him."

"What the heck is wrong with that cat?" Calvin demanded.

"Very strange genes," Hobbes said.

Calvin nodded, and turned back to his comic book.

There was a moment of silence.

"I'd accept his invite but I have too much work to do on my Facebook." MTM said.

Silence filled the land.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the MTM.

"I don't get computers," Hobbes said, turning back to his comic book.

The End

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon **Calvin

**Tom Hanks **Hobbes

**Ryan Stiles **Socrates

**Andrew Lawrence **Andy

**Colin Mochrie **Sherman

**Norman Lovett **MTM

**Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom

* * *

**Coming Up Next:** Remember


	23. Repeat

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Repeat**

It was a regular day at the lab residing under Yellowstone National Park.

Jack was sitting idly in the giant room which was part living room, part giant communications lab. He was reclining in his big comfy chair and was looking up at the giant TV that would make a normal person's eyes cross. He was drinking from a glass bottle of Coca-Cola.

Dr Brainstorm was watching him with much disgust from across the room. He managed to wipe the look off his face as he entered, however, and he changed it to a look of casualness.

"Jack," he said as a form of greet.

"Yo," Jack replied.

"I don't suppose you know what day it is?"

Jack pulled out his watch that a calendar taped to the front of it.

"Wednesday," he said, and he resumed his activities.

"Ah yes, _Wednesday_," Dr B said, suddenly turning wistful.

There was a silence. Brainstorm observed Jack's reclining body with momentary disgust before continuing.

"Wednesdays are too far from the start of the week, and not close enough to the end," he said. "Wednesdays just lie there. I guess that's where I went wrong." He glared at Jack. "I should've named you 'Wednesday'."

"That's _Mr _Wednesday to you," Jack retorted, not taking his eyes off the TV screen. "I assume there's a reason for this harassment?"

"Bothering you during a TV show is _not _harassment, it's more of an intervention," Dr Brainstorm corrected.

"Whatever. What do you want?"

Dr Brainstorm's expression changed to one of mad excitement.

"I have completed the _time machine_!" he announced in a voice that was surprisingly quiet and near-dignified.

"You mean like you completed last week?"

"That was different! How was I supposed to know U2 was a _band_?"

"They sure were surprised."

"Well never mind about all that now! I've actually managed to get it working this time!"

"How did you actually manage it exactly?"

"Well, it's interesting. All I had to do was pour bacon fat in it!"

Jack finally looked at him.

"Bacon fat? Seriously?"

"Yes! It's incredibly good for you, bacon! It actually improves your health if eat it constantly enough!"

"I see… So, how do you know it works?"

Dr Brainstorm held up a rock.

"Check this out! A genuine rock from Prehistoric times!"

Jack stared at the rock, which looked like it was burnt to a crisp.

"How can you be so sure it's not just some charcoal from a barbecue grill?"

Dr Brainstorm faltered a bit before looking a bit more carefully at the rock.

"Well…maybe it's from a prehistoric fire pit! I imagine a scene where three cavemen are gathered around their campfire, preparing a Brontosaurs burger!"

Jack sighed and resumed watching TV.

"You _are _aware of the fact that _The Flintstones _was just a cartoon, right?"

"Oh shut it! It works and you know it!"

"Mm-hmm. So what do you intend to with it?"

"I intend to capture Calvin and his robotic tiger and jam them in the time machine and send them back in time to a point where they can't bother my plans!"

"Uh-huh. First of all, Hobbes is not a robot."

Dr B faltered. "Oh right, sorry," he muttered. "Force of habit."

"Second: Calvin is capable of time travel. He has the MTM and his cardboard box."

"Then I'll just send him back in time without either of those things! Then, once he's gone, I'll destroy them both so that they can't rescue him!"

Jack pondered. "Okay, so then that just leaves the last problem."

"Bring it on! I can take it!"

"How will you get Calvin and Hobbes into the time machine and keep them there long enough to set the coordinates and press the button?"

There was another silence as Dr Brainstorm considered this.

"Hmmmm…," he said. "Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when I come it! Come on! Help me move it!"

Jack sighed and hit the record button on the TIVO and got up to follow Dr B into the experimenting room.

The time machine was a machine that was smaller than them both, but still rather heavy. It was square and boxy, and it was built like an over-sized microwave. It had a glass door that led to its chamber, and on the side was a series of buttons, ten of which were numbered. It was a rusty red color and looked a bit shoddy, but it seemed to be holding together properly.

"Come on, Jack! We're taking this to the rocket! You take the other end!"

Jack complied reluctantly and took the far end of the time machine. They managed to hoist it up, and they started to leave.

"This better work," Dr B grunted. "I've spent _years _trying to perfect this time machine!"

"Aw, don't worry, Frank," Jack assured him. "If it doesn't work out, we can use it to explode marshmallows later."

"Yes, well, there's always that."

And they headed for the garage.

* * *

"Okay!" Calvin shouted, holding a basketball in the air. "Who's ready to rumble?"

Calvin and Hobbes were in the field playing Calvinball again.

"Right now, I am in the Square of Pepsi! I have to throw this ball through the air and try to reach the tree over there before you can get to it!"

"I see," Hobbes said, pondering about this. "And if I get to it before you make it?"

"Completely up to you," Calvin replied.

"Excellent!"

"Ready?"

"Ready."

"Here we go!"

Calvin, with all his might, managed to hurl the basketball some good fifty feet in the air. He tore off for the small tree that was about the same distance away. Hobbes went into turbo-tiger mode and raced after the basketball, attempting to get himself under it.

Calvin ran as fast as he could, kicking a cloud of dirt behind himself as he headed for the tree. He managed to touch it with his finger.

"Ha! BEAT Y—!"

**_WHOMP!_**

The world suddenly became a blur as Hobbes suddenly collided with him, carrying him across the field. They landed with a crash in the dirt. They skipped across the field like a flat stone across a lake and finally bashed into another tree.

Calvin went to yell at Hobbes, but then he saw that Hobbes was also clutching the basketball, thereby making what he'd done a completely legal move.

"Alright, nice one," he said, coughing through the dirt cloud.

"Thank you. Hey, what's the score again?"

"I've forgotten."

"Well, we'll just have to start it over."

"Agreed," Calvin said, dusting him self off and walking back into the field. "Come on. Now we have to reach the other side of the field again before we can find the Box of Pink Polka-Dots."

"Right!"

But just as they were starting, Hobbes skidded to a halt.

"Wait! Time out!" he said, looking around.

"What is it?" Calvin asked, removing his mask.

"It sounds like…a rocket!"

"From which direction?"

Hobbes listened carefully, and then he pointed off into the distance.

Then they saw a small dot getting larger and larger in the sky.

They heaved twin sighs.

"Is it Wednesday already?" Calvin asked, agitated.

"He's getting too punctual for my liking," Hobbes said, taking his own mask off.

The rocket flew in for a landing and touched down gently on the opposite side of the field.

Impressed, Calvin and Hobbes started clapping.

"Excellent landing, Frank!" Calvin shouted, still clapping as they approached the rocket.

"Yeah, way to not totally wreck the eco-system," Hobbes agreed.

The door opened the escalator lowered.

Dr Brainstorm came down, trying to look menacing as he held up his Servant Ray.

"ALRIGHT, NOBODY MOVE!" he shouted.

But Calvin and Hobbes continued to approach, both looking rather bored.

"I SAID DON'T MOVE! STOP IT! DESIST! _JACK, GET OUT HERE!!_ AND BRING THE MACHINE!"

There was a pause as they listened to a clattering coming from inside the rocket.

"Machine?" Calvin repeated, sounding amused by the term.

"What is it?" Hobbes asked.

"NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX, ROBOT!"

"I'm not a robot."

Dr Brainstorm grumbled. "Right. Sorry. I'm trying to keep up with that today." He yelled over his shoulder at the gangway. "JACK, GET IT OUT HERE!"

"Coming!" Jack shouted. "It's a bit heavy."

Finally, the time machine emerged at the top of the stairs, and it soon was tumbling down the stairs towards Dr Brainstorm. Jack then emerged and came down the stairs towards them himself.

"Hey, guys," he said, waving.

"Hi, Jack," Calvin said. "What is this?"

Jack went to reply, but Dr Brainstorm stopped him.

"Oh no, you don't!" he shouted. "SERVANT RAY! _DO NOT _MAKE JACK SHUT UP!!"

The Servant Ray crackled and a burst of energy shot out and hit Jack's mouth, and a zipper sprouted on Jack's left cheek and zipped across his mouth, muffling out his voice chip.

Dr Brainstorm smirked. "Should've done that _years_ ago," he said proudly.

Jack glared at him.

"Now then, Calvin, I need you two to get inside this machine," he said, readdressing his foes.

Calvin and Hobbes looked unimpressed.

"That's your whole argument?" Calvin asked. "Asking politely?"

"I'm trying to save time."

"Uh-huh. Look why don't you run along and rethink this? We'll be in the vicinity when you come back," Hobbes said.

Brainstorm let out an exasperated sigh. "GET! IN! IT!" he shouted.

"Why should we?"

"Because it's just important to me! That's why!"

"Of course it is," Calvin sighed.

"Fine! Then I'll force you in!" He aimed the Servant Ray.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances and decided it was time to do something about this.

"Masks back on," Calvin ordered.

Hobbes nodded, and they put their black masks back on.

"SERVANT RAY!" Brainstorm shouted.

"Now!"

Calvin started running away towards the basketball they'd abandoned. Hobbes lingered and then followed him.

"RUNNING WON'T SAVE YOU NOW! SERVANT RAY! _DO NOT _PUT CALVIN AND HOBBES IN THE TIME MACHINE!"

An energy blast flew from the Servant Ray.

Calvin managed to grab the ball and fling it through the air towards Hobbes, who was still running after him. Hobbes suddenly leapt into the air and met the ball, and he did a back flip in the air, allowing him to kick the ball, just as it was about to come down, and he sent it flying towards the blast.

The ball and the energy met. Since the energy was meant to reach Calvin and Hobbes and not the ball, it bounced off the ball and flew into the air, where it harmlessly disintegrated.

"ERRGH!" Dr Brainstorm screamed, and he went running after them, waving the Servant Ray madly. "Okay, again," he yelled. "Servant Ray…!"

Hobbes had landed by now, and he was able to get back to the basketball again.

"…_DO NOT_…"

Hobbes picked up the ball and hurled it through the air.

"…PUT CALVIN IN THE TIME MACHINE!"

**_BRZAP!_**

The shot was fired.

**_WHUMP!_**

The basketball connected with Dr Brainstorm's face, knocking him off his feet.

The energy from the Servant Ray flew all over the place. It ricocheted off the trees and rocks, trying to locate Calvin. Finally, it seemed to figure everything out, and Calvin, before he could get out of the way, was struck by the blast.

**_ZAP!_**

"Hey!" Calvin shouted, and he found himself inside the chamber. He tried to get himself out, but it was locked. "Hobbes! Help!"

Dr Brainstorm got his bearings back, and when he saw Calvin trapped, he cackled triumphantly, and he ran towards it.

"Finally! I've got you right where I want you!" he cheered.

Hobbes followed after him.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"I'm about to send your human master back in time!"

"Human Master?" Hobbes repeated, almost disgusted by the term.

Dr Brainstorm arrived at the machine first and began setting coordinates.

"HA!" he said. "I WIN!"

Hobbes tried to pry Dr Brainstorm away from the keypad, but he couldn't get him away from it.

And then there was a flash from inside the Time Machine where Calvin continued to beat frantically at the glass.

**_KAZAP!_**

Everyone jumped away from it in surprise.

"YES!!" Dr Brainstorm shouted, jumping up and down excitedly. "I'VE DONE IT! HE'S GONE! WEIRD-HAIR BOY IS _GONE_! YES, YES, _YES!!_"

"Uh, Frank?" Hobbes said, pointing at the chamber.

"WHAT DO _YOU_ WANT? I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF _YOU _MY—"

Dr Brainstorm trailed off as he followed Hobbes' pointing finger to the time machine, and he saw that something had gone wrong.

Calvin was still there, completely safe and sound.

Dr Brainstorm stared.

"JACK, WHAT HAPPENED?!" he demanded.

Jack, still unable to speak, glared at him again, pointing at the zipper.

"Can't you just tell me through charades?" Dr B asked hopefully.

Jack's glare intensified.

"Oh fine," Dr B sighed, holding up the Servant Ray again. "Servant Ray, do not let Jack speak again."

**_ZAP!_**

The zipper was removed from Jack's mouth.

"Okay, what happened?" Dr B demanded, crossing his arms.

Jack looked the Time Machine over.

"Well, I'd say that the main computer crashed," he said, opening the back of it.

"Why? What happened?"

"It's covered in bacon grease. It shorted it out."

Dr Brainstorm stared.

"Ah…," he said, suddenly a bit embarrassed. "Okay, come on. We're going back to fix this."

Hobbes managed to open the chamber and let Calvin out.

"Come on, Jack, give me a hand."

"Right."

They both took opposite ends of the Time Machine and took it back up the stairs.

"I'LL BE BACK, CALLY!" he shouted. "JUST YOU WAIT! I'LL GET YOU AND YOUR LITTLE ROBOT TOO!"

"I'M NOT A ROBOT!!" Hobbes shouted back.

"Right. Sorry. Whatever. Jack, remind me to write that down somewhere."

"Uh-huh."

They both made it all the way back up into the ship, and moments later, it took to the skies and disappeared.

They heard the distant cry of: "JACK! GET THE MARSHMALLOWS! WE'RE NOT ABOUT TO WASTE AN OPPORTUNITY!"

Calvin shrugged. "Okay," he said. "Let's get back to the game."

"Right. I'm going to make a decree now."

"And that is…?"

"The first one to make it to a tree shaped like an R gets to have the cookies your mom made last night!"

"You're on!"

And they ran off into the woods.

* * *

The next morning, Calvin was snuggled up in bed, all nice and cozy. He was enjoying a good night's sleep until…

"CALVIN! GET UP! IT'S TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL!"

Calvin grumbled and sunk deeper into bed under the covers.

"CALVIN! GET UP! GET DRESSED! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"Best news I've heard all day," Calvin mumbled.

"Then your day is off to a pretty good start," Hobbes said sleepily, disappearing under the covers.

The door burst open. Mom came storming inside and ripped the covers off the bed.

"GET UP!" she shouted, clapping her hands in a drill sergeant manner.

Calvin grumbled and slithered out of bed.

"And get your raincoat on. It's raining this morning."

And she went back downstairs, slamming the door.

Calvin grumbled with disgust as he got up on the bed and opened the top drawer of his dresser.

"Man, that just adds insult to injury," he said angrily.

Hobbes got up and looked out the window.

"Looks pretty nasty, too," he said. "You have to wait for the bus in _that_?"

Calvin climbed into the top drawer and closed it. Each drawer opened a little going down, and finally, he emerged at the bottom in his clothes, sans shoes, which he began to put on.

"Man, it's weird," he said. "Why in the world would I stand in the rain waiting for a bus I don't want to get on to take me to a place I don't want to go to and to see people I don't like?"

Hobbes shrugged sadly.

Calvin sighed as he went into the closet and pulled out his raincoat and rubber yellow hat. "I go to school everyday, but I never learn what I want to know."

"Look on the bright side. Today's Thursday. After this, Friday, and then the weekend starts."

"I guess I can take solace in that. See you this afternoon."

Grabbing his books, Calvin headed downstairs.

Hobbes sighed and pulled the covers back up and settled back into the bed.

Calvin grumbled as he walked down his walk towards the sidewalk.

"Have a good day, Calvin," Mom called, not really looking up.

Calvin stormed down the walk towards the sidewalk and waited.

The bus didn't arrive for a good seven minutes, which Calvin spent getting wetter and colder and more and more miserable.

When the bus finally arrived, Calvin grumbled at the driver and stormed towards the back to find a seat. As per usual, nobody wanted him to sit with him.

As he trudged towards the back, however, a foot came out into the aisle, and Calvin stumbled and fell to the sticky floor. He glared at the foot, which he found belonged to Moe, who was laughing stupidly, braying like a horse.

"Hey, Twinky! Spare some change?" he asked, putting an expectant hand out and punching his fist into it.

Calvin glared.

"I don't have any money, Moe."

"Gee, that's too bad," Moe said as his expression darkened.

Calvin made a mad scurry for the other end of the bus, resulting in everyone laughing at him. He sat angrily in his seat, dripping wet.

Finally the bus arrived at his school. Everyone else got off first.

Calvin had by now calmed down and was walking down the bus and down the steps. He felt good that he'd managed to remember his books and lunch, and he walked into the open air. As he started his walk towards the building, however, he tripped over a rock and landed flat on his face again.

"Great," he muttered, getting up and dusting off. He walked towards the doors and entered the building.

* * *

Calvin sat down at his desk and got the appropriate books out. He had no big plans for today. He figured if got bored enough, he'd zone out eventually, and the day would fly by and he'd get to lunch quicker.

"Alright, class, get out your History books," Miss Wormwood said diligently. "It's time for our study of our presidents."

Calvin pulled out his book and opened to the correct page. He figured he'd be able to carry on correctly if he just managed to watch the pages of another student, and when he turned the page then he'd turn at the same time.

"Right then," Miss Wormwood said, "Lincoln thought secession illegal, and was willing to use force to defend Federal law and the Union. When Confederate batteries fired on Fort Sumter and forced its surrender, he called on the states for 75,000 volunteers. Four more slave states joined the Confederacy but four remained within the Union. The Civil War had begun. The son of a Kentucky frontiersman, Lincoln had to struggle for a living and for learning. Five months before receiving his party's nomination for President, he sketched his life: "I was born Feb. 12, 1809, in Hardin County, Kentucky. My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families…"

Success!

Calvin finally managed to zone himself out just enough so that he'd know what was going on and yet he didn't have to listen to Miss Wormwood's speech.

In fact, in what felt like a flash, he heard her talking about something he was familiar with.

"On Good Friday, April 14, 1865, Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theatre in Washington by John Wilkes Booth, an actor, who somehow thought he was helping the South. The opposite was the result, for with Lincoln's death, the possibility of peace with magnanimity died."

Everyone finished and closed their books.

"Okay," she said. "Tonight, I want you all to write a three page paper about what you have learned today. It will be due tomorrow."

Calvin rolled his eyes and put his book away.

* * *

After a long day during which not all that much happened, Calvin found himself getting off that infernal yellow bus once again, this time walking through the rain and back to his house.

"I'M HOME!" he shouted.

_WHAM!_

Hobbes exploded out of the house and collided with Calvin, and they both went soaring through the air and crash landed in a mud puddle.

_SPLAT!_

"Woo-hoo-hoo-_hoo_!" Hobbes cheered. "What distance! What force! What grace!"

"What _pain_," Calvin moaned, pulling himself out of the mud puddle. "Man, here comes another bath."

Hobbes helped him up, and they both went back inside to clean up.

"Any homework today?" Hobbes asked as he get in with the dirty laundry.

"Meh, just some paper that's gotta be written about Abraham Lincoln. I'll conk it out on the way to school tomorrow. Come on. Let's watch TV until our brains leak out."

They settled into the chair. Calvin turned the TV on.

"Tonight's episode of Captain Maim is: Operation Brain Booger!"

Calvin grinned. "Looks like another periler," he said excitedly.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and settled in.

* * *

That night, Calvin finished his usual bath and got into the bottom drawer of his dresser, climbing through them all until he made it to the top, emerging in his pajamas again.

"Ahh," he said, finally relaxing a bit. "Just one more day of school, and then the weekend."

"Yep," Hobbes said, grinning.

They settled down and fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Calvin was still asleep, enjoying it very much.

"CALVIN! GET UP! IT'S TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL!"

Calvin grumbled and sunk deeper into bed under the covers.

"CALVIN! GET UP! GET DRESSED! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"Aren't I always?" Calvin mumbled.

There was a silence.

The door burst open. Mom came storming inside and ripped the covers off the bed.

"GET UP!" she shouted, clapping her hands in a drill sergeant manner.

Calvin grumbled and slithered out of bed.

"And get your raincoat on. It's raining this morning."

Calvin grumbled and looked out the window. "Again?" he muttered. "Great."

Hobbes got up and looked out the window.

"Looks pretty nasty, too," he said. "You have to wait for the bus in _that_?"

Calvin climbed into the top drawer and closed it. Each drawer opened a little going down, and finally, he emerged at the bottom in his clothes, sans shoes, which he began to put on.

"I didn't know it was going to rain today too," he grumbled.

"What do you mean?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, it rained yesterday."

"Did it?"

"Yeah, don't you remember?"

Hobbes shook his head, clearly confused.

Calvin sighed as he went into the closet and pulled out his raincoat and rubber yellow hat. "I'm gonna get going. See you this afternoon."

Grabbing his books, Calvin headed downstairs.

Hobbes sighed and pulled the covers back up and settled back into the bed.

Calvin grumbled as he walked down his walk towards the sidewalk.

"Have a good day, Calvin," Mom called, not really looking up.

Calvin stormed down the walk towards the sidewalk and waited.

The bus didn't arrive for a good seven minutes, which Calvin spent getting wetter and colder and more and more miserable.

"Late again," Calvin grunted to himself, checking his watch.

When the bus finally arrived, Calvin grumbled at the driver again and stormed towards the back to find a seat. As per usual, nobody wanted him to sit with them.

As he trudged towards the back, he kept a good eye out for Moe, who he saw out of the corner of his eye, and he was in the exact same place. A foot came out into the aisle, and Calvin saw it this time and deftly stepped over it.

Moe was heard growling before he turned and reached out at Calvin.

"Hey, Twinky!" he asked.

Calvin glared.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Moe, being the total idiot that he is, stared stupidly at him. "What?" he asked dumbly.

"Just as I thought."

Calvin walked quietly over to the back of the bus and sat down, feeling rather pleased with himself. Then he remembered the homework he hadn't done last night. He pulled out his books and papers and began to write up a short report.

Finally the bus arrived at his school. Everyone else got off first.

Calvin put the finishing touches on his paper and walked into the open air. As he started his walk towards the building, however, he stepped over the rock.

"I'm getting good at this," he said proudly, and he walked towards the doors and entered the building, full of importance.

Calvin sat down at his desk and got the appropriate books out. Again, he had no big plans for today. He planned to get bored enough, zone out and let the day fly by and get to lunch.

"Alright, class, get out your History books," Miss Wormwood said diligently. "It's time for our study of our presidents."

Calvin pulled out his book and opened to the page of the next chapter. He pulled out his report, preparing himself for the teacher asking for it.

"Right then," Miss Wormwood said, "Lincoln thought secession illegal, and was willing to use force to defend Federal law and the Union. When Confederate batteries fired on Fort Sumter and forced its surrender, he called on the states for 75,000 volunteers."

Calvin looked confused. Was she waiting until after class to take up the homework?

"Four more slave states joined the Confederacy but four remained within the Union. The Civil War had begun. The son of a Kentucky frontiersman, Lincoln had to struggle for a living and for learning."

Then Calvin realized something else: this was yesterday's chapter. He looked around the room. Nobody was noticing this. What the heck…?

"Five months before receiving his party's nomination for President, he sketched his life: "I was born Feb. 12, 1809, in Hardin County, Kentucky. My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families…"

It finally got to the part where Calvin had zoned out yesterday. Deciding not to say anything yet, he turned back to the correct page and zoned out again.

Finally, it was over. The end of the exact same speech was coming.

"On Good Friday, April 14, 1865, Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theatre in Washington by John Wilkes Booth, an actor, who somehow thought he was helping the South. The opposite was the result, for with Lincoln's death, the possibility of peace with magnanimity died."

Everyone finished and closed their books.

"Okay," she said. "Tonight, I want you all to write a three page paper about what you have learned today. It will be due tomorrow."

Calvin's eyes burst open. What on Earth was she…?

Oh well. It would give him time to work on the paper some more. Maybe make it a bit longer.

* * *

After a long day during which not all that much happened, Calvin found himself getting off that infernal yellow bus once again, this time walking through the rain and back to his house.

"I'M HOME!" he shouted.

_WHAM!_

Hobbes exploded out of the house and collided with Calvin, and they both went soaring through the air and crash landed in a mud puddle.

_SPLAT!_

"Woo-hoo-hoo-_hoo_!" Hobbes cheered. "What distance! What force! What grace!"

"What _pain_," Calvin moaned, pulling himself out of the mud puddle. "Man, here comes another bath."

Hobbes helped him up, and they both went back inside to clean up.

"Any homework today?" Hobbes asked as he get in with the dirty laundry.

"It's weird," Calvin said. "It's the exact same as yesterday's homework! The same paper and everything!"

Hobbes was surprised. "Do you suppose your teacher is going senile?"

"I more concerned about those medications she gulps down with her poppyseed cake," Calvin replied. "Come on. Let's watch TV until our brains leak out."

They settled into the chair. Calvin turned the TV on.

"Tonight's episode of Captain Maim is: Operation Brain Booger!"

Calvin sighed. "Looks like another rerun," he said boredly.

"What do you mean? We haven't seen this one yet."

"Yes, we have. We saw it yesterday when I got home."

"Did we?"

"Yes, we did."

"I don't remember this!"

Calvin sighed and got up.

"Well you better watch it then," he said. "I'm going to go check on a few things upstairs. We've got a whole day tomorrow."

And he left, leaving poor Hobbes very confused.

* * *

That night, Calvin finished his usual bath and got into the bottom drawer of his dresser, climbing through them all until he made it to the top, emerging in his pajamas again.

"Ahh," he said, finally relaxing a bit. "It's finally over."

"Yep, it's been a busy day," Hobbes said, grinning. "The weekend's just a bit closer now."

They settled down and fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Calvin was up rather early.

"Yes! It's Saturday!" he said triumphantly, getting up. "Time to get started! Cartoons, cereal—!"

"CALVIN! GET UP! IT'S TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL!"

Calvin stopped dancing and looked around.

"Huh?" he asked no one in particular.

"CALVIN! GET UP! GET DRESSED! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

There was a silence.

Calvin felt his heart rate quicken.

"Please let this be a very bad dream," he whispered.

The door burst open. Mom came storming inside and she saw Calvin very much awake.

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE!" she shouted, clapping her hands in a drill sergeant manner. "GET DRESSED! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"What?!" he asked, beginning to grow very afraid.

"And get your raincoat on. It's raining this morning."

And she left.

Calvin looked out the window. "What?!" he said again.

Hobbes got up and looked out the window.

"Looks pretty nasty, too," he said. "You have to wait for the bus in _that_?"

Calvin stared at Hobbes incredulously.

"Hobbes, you've said that exact sentence these past two days!"

Hobbes' brow furrowed. "Have I?" he asked.

"It's _rained _these past two mornings!"

"Okay, you're making things up now," Hobbes grumbled. "Look, I know you're grouchy first thing in the morning, but really…"

"Hobbes, something weird is going on," Calvin said nervously as he climbed into the top drawer and closed it. Each drawer opened a little going down, and finally, he emerged at the bottom in his clothes, sans shoes, which he began to put on.

"Is it?" Hobbes asked, growing concerned. "What's happening?"

"I don't know. I'll figure it out later."

Calvin sighed as he went into the closet and pulled out his raincoat and rubber yellow hat. "I'm gonna get going. See you this afternoon." Grabbing his books, Calvin headed downstairs.

Hobbes sighed and pulled the covers back up and settled back into the bed.

"Things just get weirder and weirder around here," he muttered.

* * *

Calvin didn't have time to grumble this time as he walked down his walk towards the sidewalk.

"Have a good day, Calvin," Mom called, not really looking up.

Calvin walked down the walk towards the sidewalk and waited.

The bus didn't arrive for a good seven minutes, which Calvin spent getting wetter and colder and more and more miserable.

"Hmmm," Calvin grunted to himself, checking his watch.

When the bus finally arrived, Calvin didn't grumble at the driver again and stormed towards the back to find a seat. As per usual, nobody wanted him to sit with them.

He checked his watch again.

"Seven minutes on the dot," he mused.

As he trudged towards the back, he kept a good eye out for Moe, who he saw out of the corner of his eye, and he was in the exact same place. A foot came out into the aisle, and Calvin saw it this time and deftly stepped over it.

Moe was heard growling before he turned and reached out at Calvin.

"Hey, Twinky!" he asked.

Calvin glared.

"I don't have any money, Moe, so don't bother."

Moe growled and went to get up after him.

But the bus started up again.

Calvin grabbed onto the side of a seat, but Moe was sent hurling down onto the sticky floor, resulting in everyone laughing at him.

Calvin walked to the back of the bus and sat down, feeling rather pleased with himself.

"Okay, that's _that_," he said, getting out his report. He spent the rest of the journey finishing it up, making it better.

* * *

Finally the bus arrived at his school. Everyone else got off first.

Calvin put the finishing touches on his paper and walked into the open air. As he started his walk towards the building, however, he stepped over the rock.

"Something is _definitely _wrong," he said, and he walked towards the doors and entered the building.

Calvin sat down at his desk and got the appropriate books out. He prepared himself.

"Ultimate test," he thought to himself.

"Alright, class, get out your History books," Miss Wormwood said diligently. "It's time for our study of our presidents."

"I KNEW IT!!" Calvin shouted triumphantly.

Everyone stared at him in shock.

Calvin realized what he'd done and settled back down again. "Sorry," he muttered.

"Right then," Miss Wormwood said, getting over, "Lincoln thought secession illegal, and was willing to use force to defend Federal law and the Union. When Confederate batteries fired on Fort Sumter and forced its surrender, he called on the states for 75,000 volunteers."

Calvin zoned out again.

Finally, it was over. The end of the exact same speech was coming.

"On Good Friday, April 14, 1865, Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theatre in Washington by John Wilkes Booth, an actor, who somehow thought he was helping the South. The opposite was the result, for with Lincoln's death, the possibility of peace with magnanimity died."

Everyone finished and closed their books.

"Okay," she said. "Tonight, I want you all to write a three page paper about what you have learned today. It will be due tomorrow."

Calvin sighed to himself in annoyance.

* * *

After a long day during which not all that much happened, Calvin found himself getting off that infernal yellow bus once again, this time walking through the rain and back to his house.

"I'M HOME!" he shouted.

_WHAM!_

Hobbes exploded out of the house and collided with Calvin, and they both went soaring through the air and crash landed in a mud puddle.

_SPLAT!_

"Woo-hoo-hoo-_hoo_!" Hobbes cheered. "What distance! What force! What grace!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Calvin moaned, pulling himself out of the mud puddle. "Get over yourself."

Hobbes helped him up, and they both went back inside to clean up.

"Any homework today?" Hobbes asked as he get in with the dirty laundry.

"You said that yesterday too," Calvin pointed out.

"You're still on that kick?"

"Hobbes, I need to check something. Come on."

They entered the living room. Calvin turned the TV on.

"Tonight's episode of Captain Maim is: Operation Brain Booger!"

Calvin turned it off again. "Just as I suspected," he said suspiciously.

"What do you mean? We haven't seen this one yet."

"I have."

"What? When?"

"Two days ago."

"But it's debuting tonight."

Calvin thought about this.

"Hobbes, what day is it?"

"Thursday," Hobbes replied.

"Can't be."

"Why not?"

"It's supposed to be Saturday."

"What do you mean?"

Calvin thought some more.

"Hobbes, tell me what happened yesterday."

"Calvin, this is getting—"

"Humor me, Hobbes. _What happened_?"

Hobbes sighed. "Well, we played Calvinball. Then Dr Brainstorm attacked us with his bacon-powered Time Machine."

Calvin snapped his fingers.

"That's it!" he said.

"What is?"

"I need to talk to MTM about this."

And he left, leaving poor Hobbes very confused.

* * *

"Hmm yes, I can see the problem quite clearly," MTM considered after long explanation from Calvin.

"Really?" Calvin asked.

"Nope. Not at all," MTM said. "Would you mind running it by me, again?"

"I'm stuck reliving Thursday." Calvin said, putting his hands up. "There isn't really much more to explain."

"So...." MTM began. "How long has this been going on?"

"I don't know. A couple days," Calvin said. "Why?"

"That's impossible," MTM said, indignantly. "It would be Saturday if it had been going on that long."

Calvin glared at the tiny CD player

"MTM, this is serious," He said. "We need to resolve this problem before the day ends."

"And why is that?" Hobbes asked, who had just walked into the room.

"Because I'll be right back to where I started if we do!" Calvin yelled.

"What are you talking about?" Hobbes demanded.

"Hobbes, my friend," Calvin said, walking over and putting his hand on Hobbes' shoulder. "There's a lot going on in this world that you are blissfully unaware about. I cannot deny that being a dumbbell has its advantages."

"Want me to zap him for you?" MTM asked.

"That'd be nice, yes," Hobbes nodded.

"Not that I'm saying you're a dumbbell, of course," Calvin said, patting Hobbes on the shoulder. "We all know that tigers are highly intelligent and proud creatures."

Hobbes nodded in satisfaction.

"So what's going on?" He asked.

"I'm stuck in a temporal 24 hour loop in the time vortex." Calvin said.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Ya know, sometimes I think you just talk like that to make yourself look smarter than me." He said, finally.

Calvin sighed.

"It means I'm stuck reliving the same day over and over again." He said.

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" Hobbes demanded.

"Oh for..." Calvin looked around his room. He looked out his window and saw the road. "OK, Hobbes," He said. "In roughly thirty seconds a dumb looking sports car is going to drive by followed shortly by a big chubby guy jogging in the opposite direction with his headphones on."

Hobbes blinked and looked out the window.

Sure enough, a bright green and red sports car went flying down the road, which seemingly triggered the appearance of the chubby jogger struggling down the sidewalk with his headphones.

There was a pause as Hobbes put two and two together.

Then, a light came on in his eyes.

"Ahhh," He said, finally. "I get it,"

"So, what's the plan?" MTM asked.

"Well, it's pretty simple," Calvin said, turning around. "We're just going to have to go get Frank and have him fix it for us."

"Do you he think he'll do that?" Hobbes asked.

"Not pleasantly, I'm sure," Calvin shrugged. "Let's go get the box."

At that very moment, Mom came walking into the bedroom.

"Ah, there you are. It's time for bed." She said.

There was a short pause as Calvin's brain registered what his mother had just told him.

"Yeah, I didn't see that coming," He sighed.

He turned to face his mother.

"Is this negotiable?" He asked.

"Nope, get in bed." Mom said.

"Can't I stay up a few more minutes?" Calvin begged.

"Get in bed," Mom repeated.

"But I need to rewarp my personal time stream information!" Calvin whined.

"You can do it tomorrow," Mom said. "Get in bed."

"But tomorrow I'll have to explain everything to Hobbes and the MTM, again!"

Mom's expression darkened.

It was then that Calvin knew the conversation was over.

* * *

The next morning, Calvin was still sleeping soundly in his bed, when the all familiar phrase was announced.

"CALVIN! GET UP! IT'S TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL!"

Calvin's eyes burst open.

"CALVIN! GET UP! GET DRESSED! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!"

"Any big surprise there?" Calvin muttered.

There was a pause as he waited for Mom to come storming in.

She did.

"GET UP!" she shouted, clapping her hands in a drill sergeant manner.

Calvin fell out of bed in his usual groggy manner.

"And get your raincoat on. It's raining this morning."

"Yeah, I didn't see that coming," Calvin groaned, lying face down on the carpet.

Hobbes got up and looked out the window.

"Looks pretty nasty, too," he said. "You have to wait for the bus in _that?_"

"Hobbes, what's today?" Calvin sighed, sitting up.

"Thursday," Hobbes said. "Just two days away from the weekend."

"Ya think?" Calvin grumbled, getting dressed, grabbing his books, and storming out.

Hobbes sighed and pulled the covers back up and settled back into the bed.

* * *

"Have a good day, Calvin," Mom called, not really looking up.

"Hmph!" Calvin grumbled, storming out the door into the rain.

* * *

The bus didn't arrive for a good seven minutes, which Calvin spent getting wetter and colder and more and more miserable.

"Come on, come on!" Calvin growled, looking down the street for the bus.

When the bus finally showed up, Calvin glared at the driver, and stormed towards the back. As per usual, nobody wanted him to sit with them.

As he trudged towards the back, he kept a good eye out for Moe, who he saw out of the corner of his eye, and he was in the exact same place. A foot came out into the aisle.

Calvin sighed, and stepped over Moe's foot.

Moe growled and whirled around.

"Hey, Twinky!" he asked.

Calvin turned and faced Moe.

"Moe, did you know there are tiny microscopic creatures on your eyelashes that eat the food that gets stuck on them?" He demanded.

And with that, he turned and left Moe dumbfounded, clearly trying to figure out why Calvin had alerted him of this fact.

* * *

"Alright, class, get out your History books," Miss Wormwood said diligently. "It's time for our study of our presidents."

Calvin had already gotten his book out and was beginning to space out.

"Right then," Miss Wormwood said, "Lincoln thought secession illegal, and was willing to use force to defend Federal law and the Union. When Confederate batteries fired on Fort Sumter and forced its surrender, he called on the states for 75,000 volunteers. Four more slave states joined the Confederacy but four remained within the Union. The Civil War had begun. The son of a Kentucky frontiersman, Lincoln had to struggle for a living and for learning. Five months before receiving his party's nomination for President, he sketched his life: "I was born Feb. 12, 1809, in Hardin County, Kentucky. My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families…"

Interesting thing that it always seems to be the same place that he finally manages to space out.

"On Good Friday, April 14, 1865, Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theatre in Washington by John Wilkes Booth, an actor, who somehow thought he was helping the South. The opposite was the result, for with Lincoln's death, the possibility of peace with magnanimity died."

Everyone finished and closed their books.

"Okay," she said. "Tonight, I want you all to write a three page paper about what you have learned today. It will be due tomorrow."

"Will it now?" Calvin asked, more to himself than anyone else.

However, saying it a little louder than he had intended, Miss Wormwood looked over at him incredulously.

"Yes, Calvin, tomorrow." She said.

Calvin snapped to attention at Miss Wormwood's gaze.

"My apologies, teacher," He said, putting on his most innocent expression. "I will complete the report as scheduled."

Miss Wormwood rolled her eyes.

* * *

After a long day during which not all that much happened, Calvin found himself getting off that infernal yellow bus once again, this time walking through the rain and back to his house.

"I'M HOME!" he shouted.

_WHAM!_

Hobbes exploded out of the house and collided with Calvin, and they both went soaring through the air and crash landed in a mud puddle.

_SPLAT!_

"Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" Hobbes cheered. "What distance! What force! What grace!"

"Hobbes?"

There was a pause.

"Yes?" Hobbes asked.

"Do you feel like we're getting into a bit of a rut?"

Hobbes blinked.

"Uuh, no, I think our lives are kept pretty fresh. Any homework today?"

Calvin groaned.

* * *

And so after the long process of explaining to Hobbes and the MTM a second time about his little dilemma, a choice had to be made.

"So what do you plan to do about it?" Hobbes asked, as Calvin pulled the cardboard box out of his closet.

"As I said yesterday I need to go Frank and get him to fix it for me." He said.

"What makes you think Frank can fix it?" MTM asked.

"Well, if my estimations are correct, Frank tried to send me deep into the past and only succeeded in making my life annoying. If he tries again, he should fail miserably, once again and set everything back to normal." Calvin shrugged.

Hobbes and the MTM paused.

"Makes sense to me," Hobbes said.

"Good, get in the box." Calvin said.

"I never agreed to that." Hobbes said, shaking his head.

Calvin heaved a deep sigh.

"Listen, Hobbes, we don't have much time before Mom's going to demand that we get into bed, so we need to do this right now."

"No," Hobbes said, crossing his arms.

"Get in the box!" Calvin ordered, pointing at the empty spot next to him.

"No," Hobbes said, stubbornly.

"MTM?!" Calvin screamed.

"Fine, I'll get in the box!" Hobbes grumbled, reluctantly climbing into the box.

"Good." Calvin said, acquiring a triumphant grin as if he had just won over a huge beast in a life or death struggle. "MTM, activate bed hologram."

"What?" MTM demanded.

"The bed hologram!" Calvin repeated. "You know, the hologram that makes it look like I'm in bed?"

"Oh, you mean the one you ripped off from Jimmy Neutron?" MTM asked.

"Just do it!" Calvin growled.

"Well, I'd love to, Calvin, if I happened to have a working hologram projector." MTM yawned.

Calvin stared at him.

"What?"

"It broke," MTM sighed. "A couple seasons ago if I remember correctly."

"No, it was just last season," Hobbes said.

There was a pause.

"Then lock my door and act like your me when Mom comes to put me to bed!" Calvin ordered.

"I look forward to that," MTM sighed.

"Good. See you in a bit!" Calvin grinned.

And with that he revved the box up, and flew out his bedroom window.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Yellowstone, Brainstorm was trying to reassess his problems. In other words, he was running around, frantically typing into different computer to try and make Jack think he was doing something.

It wasn't until he looked over when Brainstorm saw that Jack was unable to care less about what he was doing and was sitting in his usual recliner watching a TV show

"JACK!!" Brainstorm screamed.

"Yes, Frank?" Jack asked, lazily looking over at the mad scientist.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

"Watching LOST." Jack replied.

"WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME?!?!"

"Because this is a stimulating show." Jack said. "Do you know how many emergencies are going on in this episode right now?"

"I DON'T CARE!!" Brainstorm screamed. "LOST AND DOCTOR WHO ARE THE ONLY THINGS WE HAVE ON THAT TIVO ANYMORE!!"

"I personally think we have more medical catastrophes in a day than these people do in a month," Jack said pointing at the screen. "And they have a bunch of insane jungle people and a monster after them."

"ARE TRYING TO DOWNPLAY THAT ATTACK WE UNDERWENT LAST WEEK FROM THAT AMAZON WAR CHIEF?!?!"

"I wonder if watching this many emergencies going on is unhealthy," Jack wondered.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!?!" Brainstorm screeched.

"Oh, look, it looks like they're going to kill off another character." Jack squinted at the screen. "Well, I was never really fond of him, anyway."

Brainstorm growled and spun around, angrily.

Suddenly there were several gun shots going off from the TV, before it cut to a commercial.

Jack watched with a blank expression.

"Well, that's a shame." He said, blankly. "Hey Frank, where did you put that new box of Coke?"

"By the fridge," Brainstorm grumbled.

"Ah very good," Jack said, getting up and walking into the kitchen.

There was a pause.

"MY NAME IS DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!!" Brainstorm screeched.

"Of course it is," Jack yawned, not really listening, reaching in a grabbing another soda out of the box.

Brainstorm growled and turned back to his computer.

He typed a few commands into it and waited.

A cool computerized voice rang out through the lab.

"ACCESS DENIED."

There was a long moment of silence.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Brainstorm demanded.

"It means you aren't allowed in." Jack said, sitting back down.

"I know what it means, Jack!" Brainstorm spat. "Why aren't I in?"

"Did you type in the wrong password?" Jack asked.

"NO!!" Brainstorm shrieked. "The password was typed in perfectly!"

"Is the CAPS lock on?" Jack sighed.

Brainstorm stared at his keyboard.

"Yes, it is, but what does that have to do with anything?!?!" He screamed.

"Passwords are case sensitive, Frank." Jack said.

There was a pause.

"They are?" Brainstorm asked.

Jack nodded.

There was another pause.

"WELL HOW THE HECK AM _I_ SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!?!" Brainstorm screamed, turning the CAPS lock off and typing the password in a second time.

Jack rolled his eyes.

At that very moment, there was a loud explosion that rattled out throughout the entire structure.

"THE HECK WAS THAT?!?!" Brainstorm screamed, after the trembling died down.

"Someone just broke through the steel safety barriers, outside." Jack said, uninterestedly.

At this, Brainstorm's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"WE HAVE AN INTRUDER!!!" He screeched.

"It certainly seems that way." Jack yawned.

"MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS, JACK!! WE MAY NOT GET OUT OF THIS ONE ALIVE!!!"

And with that, Brainstorm dove behind his desk, grabbing his servant ray in the process.

Jack remained seated.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the house, MTM was still trying to hit Calvin's specific voice frequency and pitch, when there was a knock at the door.

"Calvin?" Mom's voice called.

"Yes, mother?" MTM said, in a voice that barely sounded like Calvin at all.

There was a pause, as Mom tried the door only to find it was locked.

"Why's the door locked?"

"Because I don't want anybody in," MTM said, matter of factly.

"Why?"

"I'm naked," MTM said confidently.

There was a moment of silence.

"What's wrong with your voice?" Mom asked.

"I've been singing for too long," MTM said, without hesitation.

Silence.

"Calvin, open the door." Mom sighed.

"I'd love to, Mom, but Hobbes and I are in the middle of a very important experiment regarding interdimensional duplication processes, and I can't be interrupted." MTM said. Clearly he wasn't the best alibi inventor.

"Well, it's time for bed." Mom said. "If you open the door, I'll tuck you in,"

"No need," MTM said. "I'm already in bed, See you tomorrow!"

Mom rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," She sighed, walking off.

"Avoir une belle nuit!" MTM accidentally called in French.

"What?" Mom asked, turning back around.

"Haben Sie eine schöne Nacht!" MTM said, now speaking in German, frantically trying to get back to English.

"Calvin, what are you…" Mom stared back for the door.

"Have a lovely night!" MTM said, finally.

"Oh," Mom said. "Thanks, goodnight."

"dobrou noc" MTM replied.

Mom rolled her eyes and left.

* * *

Meanwhile, Brainstorm was still hiding behind his desk, aiming his servant ray at the entrance door.

Jack was still watching TV.

"JACK!! WHAT'S OUR CURRENT STATUS!!!" Brainstorm screamed.

"We're not dead," Jack replied.

"GOOD!! AND THE INTRUDERS?!?!"

"I don't think they're dead, either." Jack said.

There was a pause.

"WHY NOT?!?!"

"Well, they haven't even come into the door, yet, Frank," Jack said. "And I highly doubt they just decided to die while coming in,"

"Well maybe security system destroyed them!!" Brainstorm shouted. "Maybe as they came in, the motion sensing ray gun vaporized them!"

"I would be _shocked _if exactly that didn't happen," Jack said, taking another sip from his soda.

Brainstorm glared at him.

"Well, it_ could've!!_" He spat.

"Hi, Calvin. Hobbes," Jack said, holding a hand up in greeting.

"Don't argue with me! I'll tell you if they're dead or not, and I say they're dead!!" Brainstorm spat, standing up.

It was then that he noticed that Jack was not addressing him, but the two figures that had suddenly appeared in Brainstorm's doorway.

His eyes nearly exploded out of his head.

"JACK!!!" He screamed. "THE ENEMY HAS LOCATED OUR HEADQUARTERS!!!!"

"We always knew you lived here," Hobbes said.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, ROBOT!!"

"I'm not a robot," Hobbes said, calmly.

Brainstorm paused.

"Of course. My mistake. BUT SHUT UP, ANYWAY!!"

Calvin, Hobbes and Jack rolled their eyes.

"YOU HAVE MADE A FOOLISH MISTAKE BY COMING TO MY SECRET LABORATORY!!!" Brainstorm screamed.

"Stationed so cleverly under a tourist attraction," Jack yawned.

"AND NOW YOU WILL PAY THE CONSEQUENCES!! I CAN'T LET YOU GO BECAUSE YOU'VE SEEN TOO MUCH!!!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Brainstorm in disbelief.

"Seen too much?!" Calvin demanded, walking in as if he owned the place in and grabbing an unopened bottle of lemonade off the console. "This only the ninetieth time we've been down here!"

"LIES!! NOTHING BUT LIES!!! YOU'VE NEVER BEEN DOWN HERE!!!" Brainstorm screeched.

"Yes we have," Hobbes said, also walking in.

"NO YOU HAVEN'T!!!" Brainstorm shrieked.

"Yes they have," Jack said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

Brainstorm swung around to Jack.

"JACK, I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PUT THAT IN MY REPORT!!" He screamed.

Back to Calvin and Hobbes.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!" He screamed so loudly Calvin thought his lungs were going to pop out of his mouth.

"I'm afraid you're little time machine trapped me in a endless loop in the time vortex," Calvin spat, angrily.

"Really?" Jack asked. "What duration?"

"Twenty four hours," Calvin said.

"Heh, no big surprise there."

"What are you talking about?!?!" Brainstorm screamed.

"He's stuck reliving the same day over and over again." Jack said, blandly.

Brainstorm paused as he thought about this.

Then, a big grin spread across his face.

"SUCCESS!!!" He screamed, throwing his hands into the air.

Everyone stared at him.

"NOW THAT YOU'RE STUCK IN THAT ONE POINT IN TIME, YOU WON'T BE HERE, TOMORROW!! MEANING YOU WON'T BE HERE TO STOP ME FROM TAKING OVER THE WORLD!!!" And with that, he threw his hands into the air and laughed maniacally.

Calvin heaved a deep sigh.

"Yeah, that would work, if there wasn't just one problem," He said.

Brainstorm's laughter died.

"Oh, really? What's that?" He said, his eyebrows jumping.

"The day is automatically reset at midnight," Jack said. "Meaning we _all_ have to relive the day over again, except Calvin's the only one who notices, because he's in the center of the vortex. We're all stuck in one day."

There was another pause as Brainstorm thought about this.

"Oh..." He said, finally.

Calvin, Hobbes and Jack all rolled their eyes.

"So in theory," Calvin said, taking a gulp of the lemonade. "If you put me back in the machine and do the exact same thing you did last time, you'll break the lock and we can move on,"

Brainstorm paused.

"Yeah, we could do that," He shrugged.

Calvin, Hobbes and Jack all stared at him.

"Except I threw out last night," Brainstorm said, rolling his eyes around.

Calvin, Hobbes and Jack all stared at him.

"And the garbage truck took it out, yesterday."

Calvin, Hobbes and Jack all stared at him.

"So...."

Calvin, Hobbes and Jack all stared at him.

There was a pause.

"Well, if you want to take over the world, you better start building a new one before midnight," Calvin sighed.

"Yep, I'll get on that," Brainstorm nodded, rushing off.

Time passed.

Brainstorm frantically worked with whatever supplies he had to try and make a new time machine. Yelling at Jack to help him every so often.

Finally after a hard twenty minutes of work, Brainstorm managed to recreate another version of the time machine.

"Well, how does it look?" Brainstorm asked, standing back and admiring it.

Jack threw a quick glance at what Brainstorm had just made.

"Like a giant rusty slab of metal in the room." He said, turning back to the TV.

Brainstorm glared at him.

"It's an exact duplicate, right?" Calvin asked, standing up from his seat.

"Well, not really," Brainstorm said. "This machine is specially designed to break the time lock and set you back to your own time!"

There was a moment of silence.

"I call it the reverserator!" Brainstorm added.

"You're doomed," Jack said, taking a sip from his soda.

"What makes you think this is even going to work?!" Calvin demanded.

"It worked, last time!" Brainstorm shouted.

"Last time it was supposed to throw me into the past!" Calvin yelled. "It didn't do what is was supposed to do!"

"Well this machine will!" Brainstorm yelled, back.

"I can say with about ninety five percent certainty that it won't," Jack said, not taking his eyes off the TV.

"IT WILL!!!" Brainstorm screamed, angrily. "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT I BUILT YOU?! YOU WORK PERFECTLY!!!"

"Yes, if I recall, I was meant to be your robot slave that would do whatever you told me to do," Jack replied, taking another sip from his soda.

Brainstorm paused.

"YEAH, WELL YOU'RE JUST A BIG JERK!!!" He screamed, finally.

Jack sighed.

"Well what are we going to do, now?" Hobbes groaned. "We have half hour before midnight when the whole cycle just goes through, again."

Calvin looked the machine up and down.

"I'm gonna give it a shot," He said, finally.

Hobbes stared at Calvin in disbelief.

"Calvin, you don't know what that machine's going to do to you!" He said.

"It's our only chance," Calvin said, a little too dramatically.

Brainstorm's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"You're acting as if this is a life or death situation!" He groaned. "Just get into the darn machine!"

"Hobbes," Calvin said, turning around. "If I don't make it through all this I want you to...."

"GET INTO THE HATCH!!!!" Brainstorm shrieked.

"Alright, fine!!" Calvin growled, whipping back around and storming into the hatch. "Ruin my moment, will you..."

Brainstorm angrily slammed the door and Calvin stuck his tongue out at him.

"I think they're getting along a lot better now, don't you?" Jack said, turning to Hobbes.

"Much better, yes," Hobbes nodded.

"SHUT UP!!!"

Brainstorm then proceeded to push several buttons on the machine's console, and clicked on GO.

There was a pause in which nothing happened. Then suddenly the machine began emitting a low humming.

Brainstorm, Hobbes and Jack all watched with dull interest as the machine began glowing a light green.

"What's it doing?" Jack asked.

"No idea," Brainstorm said. "Frankly, it's not even supposed to be humming."

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

The machine started vibrating violently.

"Uuuuh... should it be doing that?" Hobbes asked.

"Nope," Brainstorm said, casually.

"Well then stop it!!" Hobbes shouted.

Brainstorm glared at Hobbes and ran over to the machine.

He frantically began pushing buttons on it.

FZZZZT!!!

A shower of sparks flew off of the console and nearly caught Brainstorm's lab coat on fire.

"Well, you have to admit, for something he threw together in half an hour, it's working pretty good," Jack said.

The whole lab started shaking as the machine did God knows what to Calvin.

"Look on the bright side," Jack said. "Technically we don't need to worry about the other problem at the moment,"

Hobbes glared at him.

And then, as suddenly as it had started, the humming and glowing died down, and the vibrating stopped.

Brainstorm, Hobbes and Jack stared.

There was a pause, then there was the sound of air hissing out as the hatch door opened.

Everyone watched, half expecting to see Calvin walk out with two heads.

However, he didn't. Calvin stepped out, clearly fine, albeit a bit shaken up.

He looked back and forth between Brainstorm and the machine.

"Am I dead?" He asked.

Brainstorm rolled his eyes.

"No, but I don't really think it did what we wanted it to do, either," Jack said, turning back to the TV.

"How much time do you think he has?" Hobbes asked, turning to Jack.

"Maybe ten days," Jack said.

"GET OUT OF MY LAB!!!!"

"Give or take."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

* * *

The ride back home was rather quiet. Hobbes was busying himself with a comic book, as whether or not the machine worked or not was not his concern, and Calvin was deep in thought.

"Hey, Hobbes?" He said, finally.

"Yeah?" Hobbes asked.

"Do you think it worked?"

"I would certainly hope so," Hobbes said, turning back to the comic book.

"But you know, even if it did work, it's a lose / lose situation," Calvin said.

Hobbes looked up.

"Why?"

"Because today's only Thursday!!!" Calvin wailed. "It'll be like I had to put up with a nine-day week!!"

Hobbes sighed.

By this time, Calvin's house had begun to come into view and Calvin aimed for his bedroom window.

He flew the box inside and parked it in the closet.

"We're back!" Calvin shouted, loudly as he walked out of the closet.

"Cállate! Tu mamá va a escucharte!" MTM shouted.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the MTM.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

There was a pause.

"Können Sie mich jetzt?" MTM asked, finally.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

MTM thought for a moment.

"Calvin, ich habe absolut keinen Respekt für Sie" He said, at last.

"MTM, what are you saying?" Calvin demanded.

"I said, Calvin, I have absolutely no respect for you." He said, finally.

"HEY!!" Calvin screamed.

"There we go," MTM said with satisfaction. "Knew Murphy's Law would take effect."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

After much argument between Calvin and the MTM, they both agreed to a truce and decided to call it a day.

Hobbes was already half asleep when Calvin decided to come in to sleep.

As he crawled under the covers, he glanced at his bedside clock.

12:17

A small grin spread across Calvin's face as he yawned and pulled the covers up to his head, knowing his little curse had finally been broken.

For a while, they lay there in silence. Then Hobbes suddenly spoke

"Ya know, there's just one thing that didn't go right, today," He said.

"What?" Calvin asked, looking over at him.

"We missed that new Captain Napalm episode."

There was a pause.

"Eh, there'll be reruns." Calvin said, at last. "See you tomorrow, old buddy,"

"See you tomorrow." Hobbes yawned.

**The End**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon **Calvin  
**Tom Hanks **Hobbes  
**Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom  
**Mary Jo Catlett **Miss Wormwood  
**Norman Lovett **MTM  
**EG Daily **Moe  
**Neil Crone **Dr Brainstorm  
**Micheal Brandon **Jack

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Remember


	24. Remember

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**Remember**

It was a regular Wednesday evening at the Calvin and Hobbes household. For those not familiar with Calvin's schedule, Wednesday is the "install a new feature in the MTM" day.

This week, Calvin had taken it upon himself to install a kindle into the MTM's hard drive. You know, one of those machines that holds books. He never seems to run out of ideas.

Hobbes was watching from a safe distance as Calvin slowly inserted a new computer chip into the MTM.

The MTM's hypercube absorbed the chip and it sunk out of sight.

A small grin crept across Calvin's face as he reached for a screwdriver and proceeded to close up the MTM.

"Did you get it?" MTM asked.

"It's in!" Calvin grinned. "You should have a fully functional kindle, now."

"Goodie," MTM said. "Don't know what the heck I'm going to do with it, considering I can just download books, anyway."

"Well, it might come in handy someday." Calvin said, dusting his hands together. "You never know when you're going to need a kindle."

"I'll keep that in mind," MTM said.

"So," Calvin said, swinging around to Hobbes. "What's next on our agenda?"

"Read comic books until Mom screams for you to come down for dinner the fifth time," Hobbes said, checking his watch.

"Great! Let's get on that!" Calvin said, hopping up on the bed and grabbing a comic book.

There was a pause as Calvin and Hobbes both sat in silence with comic books in their hands.

Suddenly the MTM began beeping.

Hobbes looked up.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Hmm?" MTM asked. "Oh, the kindle's getting ready to explode."

At this, Calvin's head shot up.

"EMERGENCY PROTOCOL 725!!!" He screamed, frantically. "HURRY!!"

"I forgot which one that is," MTM said.

"THROW THE CHIP OUT!!!"

"Certainly," MTM said.

There was a pause, then the computer chip was automatically ejected from the CD player, where it promptly landed on the floor, and exploded in a shower of sparks.

Calvin and Hobbes both stared at where the chip exploded.

"Well, so much for that idea," Calvin shrugged, finally. "I'll try again, next week."

"Ya know why you can't install anything new, don't you?" MTM asked.

Calvin looked up.

"What?" He asked, finally.

"You've been trying to install new features into me for months. None of them have worked. Do you why?" MTM asked. "Because I do,"

Calvin stared at the CD player.

"Well, if you knew, why didn't you tell me?" He demanded.

"Because I thought you knew," MTM said.

"If I knew, why would I keep trying?" Calvin yelled.

"How am I supposed to know? I'm not you!" MTM replied.

"WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?!?!" Calvin screamed.

"I hate these evening conversations between you two," Hobbes sighed, holding his ears.

"You have the maximum amount of software installed in me that will work," MTM said. "My hard drive can't handle anything else."

"You're complaining about the fact that you're running on Windows Vista, aren't you?"

"No, Calvin, I'm talking about my hard drive," MTM sighed. "The hard drive and the operating system are two different things. Besides, I already got rid of Vista and got the one I wanted."

"Oh, did you now?!!" Calvin screamed. "Well, I'll have you know that I...."

Suddenly, the MTM began beeping, again.

"Oh, what now?!" He demanded.

"We have a call coming in from Andy's house," MTM replied. "Shall I forward him to voice mail?"

"Why the heck would I want to do that?" Calvin demanded. "Andy probably needs something important!"

"I'm just giving you the option," MTM sighed.

"Well, I don't want that option!" Calvin shouted.

"ANSWER THE DARN PHONE!!" Hobbes screamed, finally.

"Gladly," MTM said, cheerfully, as the beeping stopped, and Andy's voice came out over the microphone.

"Uh... hello?" He asked.

"Hi Andy," Calvin said, immediately calming down. "What's up?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Socrates, Sherman and I were getting ready to head down to the mall and look at all the stuff we can't afford and we were wondering if you'd like to join us?"

Calvin looked at his watch.

"Oh, I suppose," He said. "We don't have anything else to do right now. Hobbes, how 'bout you?"

Hobbes shrugged.

"Sure, maybe I'll meet some cute tigris babe,"

Calvin stared at Hobbes in deep thought.

"Ya know, I don't get you," He said, finally.

Hobbes blinked.

* * *

A bit later, Calvin and the gang all met at the mall, and developed their plan of action: All together they had about forty dollars. Most of it, predictably belonged to Andy. And after a quick survey of the place in front of them, they had just enough for one T-shirt with a sarcastic saying on it.

After a while, after Calvin and Hobbes went off exploring another part of the mall, Andy, Sherman and Socrates found themselves in a Hot Topic store, which proved to be a laugh fest for Socrates.

Andy held up a black T-shirt and read the saying on it.

"I'm wearing black until they come up with a darker color," He read.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"No wait, this one's better!" Socrates grinned, half mad with excitement. "I smile because I care. Obviously, I couldn't care less!"

"How is that better?" Andy asked. "That actually sounds kind of depressing,"

"Yeah, but look what color it is!" Socrates said, holding the shirt.

"It's black," Andy said.

"EXACTLY!!" Socrates grinned. "They can't put black against a saying like this!! Two dark meanings cancel each other out!! It's the first unintentionally happy shirt I've ever seen!!"

There was a moment of silence.

"OK, so what would you have done with the shirt?" Sherman asked.

"I would put the saying against a blue background. Now that's depressing!!" Socrates said.

Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates.

"Socrates, have you ever considered therapy?" Andy asked.

Socrates shrugged and picked the shirt off the rack.

At that moment, Calvin and Hobbes came walking up. Both of them were holding milkshakes.

"There you are," Calvin said, his brow furrowing. "What are you doing in here?"

"Hey, Calvin!" Socrates grinned, looking up. "Did you know that Hot Topic is a store?!"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

"Uh yes, Socrates, we did," Hobbes said. "What did you think it was?"

"I thought it was Satan's favorite Mexican restaurant." Socrates said.

There was a moment of silence.

"Why?" Hobbes asked.

"Elliot's father is a stage director," Socrates said. "I think he might have mentioned it one of his plays."

"Oo-kay," Calvin said, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, Hobbes and I were just around at the Dairy Queen, and I saw some interesting gadgets that might serve great use to my inventing needs,"

"At the Dairy Queen?" Andy asked.

"No, there was a Radio Shack next to it that we briefly glanced into." Hobbes said.

"Now here's another goof up!" Socrates said, looking at another shirt. "This says Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles against a black background. Turtles are green!!"

"Socrates I'm not sure there's anything in this store that isn't black or red." Andy said.

"No, what about those baggy pants with the ribbons that were sitting in the doorway?" Socrates said.

"Those were black," Calvin said.

"Yeah, but they had purple lines on them!" Socrates said.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

* * *

On the way back to Radio Shack, Hobbes spotted a coat in one of the windows that had a tiger stripe design on it.

He came to a dead stop.

"Hold it!" He yelled.

Everyone stopped.

"What?" Andy asked, looking around.

"Look!" Hobbes yelled, jabbing his finger at the window.

"They are aren't real tiger skins, Hobbes," Calvin sighed, turning and starting to walk off.

"But it's the basic idea!" Hobbes yelled. "How would you like it if tigers made coats that looked like humans?!"

"I would think it's mildly odd," Andy said.

"It's creepy!" Hobbes yelled. "I'm going to go talk to the manager about this."

"Oh, right like he's going to listen to you," Sherman sighed, rolling his eyes.

"You stay out of this, hawk bait!" Hobbes shot back.

"Oh, hawk bait, is it now?" Sherman growled. "You can't think of any other cracks besides cheap shots at my size? You're pathetic!"

"Yeah? Well you're ugly!" Hobbes yelled.

"Let's just go," Calvin sighed, taking Hobbes' arm and leading him off.

Everyone sighed and continued, except now, Hobbes and Sherman were glaring daggers at each other.

"At least I know how to bathe," Sherman said under his breath.

"What was that?!" Hobbes shouted.

"Well, look at how you clean yourself!" Sherman said in disgust. "You use your tongue! You couldn't be more disgusting if you tried."

"Now, now," Andy said, nervously.

"Well, at least my kind don't spend their lives inside a tiny plastic orb, rolling around like idiots!" Hobbes yelled.

"What?!" Sherman yelled, his eyes burst open.

"And when your not in that ball your in that stupid looking wheel, running around in circles exhausting energy on nothing! I mean, what the heck is wrong with you hamsters?"

"Hobbes, shut up!" Calvin said.

"Oh, you're taking his side, huh?" Hobbes demanded.

"I'm not taking any sides, Hobbes," Calvin sighed. "You're embarrassing me."

"Well don't be, this doesn't concern you!" Hobbes said.

"Just like a tiger to refuse any help at all." Sherman said shaking his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Hobbes demanded.

"OK, we're going now," Calvin said, grabbing Hobbes' arm.

"No, I want to hear what he means!"

"Hobbes! Let's go!"

"He just can't let anything be, can he?" Sherman sighed. "It's just plan sad if you ask me,"

"Sherman, don't..." Andy began.

"Take it back, rodent!" Hobbes yelled. "I'll turn you into a pair of slippers!"

"You do that," Sherman said. "I don't know how you..."

"SHUT UP!!!" Socrates suddenly screamed, causing everyone to jump.

Everyone stared at him in shock.

Socrates turned.

"You're harshin' my buzz!" He said, simply.

Everyone stared.

The rest of the trip did not go splendidly, as Hobbes and Sherman spent the rest of the time glaring icicles at each other.

As they walked out of the mall with their purchases, a couple milk shakes, a cheap T-shirt and one of those lights that changes color when you push a button on it, Hobbes and Sherman were down to outwardly despising each other.

"Well, all and all a lovely day at the mall," Socrates said. "Who's up for tacos?"

"I don't like tacos," Sherman said. "It's basically dog food with lettuce in a hard candy shell."

"Ya know you can really tell a lot about someone about whether their a complete jerk or not simply by finding out if they like tacos or not!" Hobbes yelled.

"Oh for god's shake, how long are you going to keep this up?" Sherman demanded.

"UNTIL YOU TAKE IT BACK!!" Hobbes shouted, angrily.

"You're like a child, Hobbes," Sherman said. "You're an immature, scared little child,"

"Why you little," Hobbes started for the hamster in rage.

"HOBBES, LOOK OUT!!" Calvin shouted. "THE GHOST FROM SOCRATES' ATTIC IS BACK!!!"

_**ZOOM!!**_

There was an explosion of fur and pebbles and Hobbes suddenly vanished into thin air.

"There, that's taken care of," Calvin said, dusting his hands together. "Now then, Andy? Socrates? I'd say it's about time for an intervention."

"A what?!" Sherman demanded. "What for?"

"For you and Hobbes," Calvin said, crossing his arms. "If you're going to act this way to each other you're going to destroy the friendship that Andy and I have."

"And me, too!" Socrates grinned, moving in.

"Like I said," Calvin replied. "With Andy and I."

"I think you're crazy," Sherman said.

"Sherman you know that you're both to blame here," Andy said. "You could disengage from the argument at any time, but you keep choosing to stay in it."

"Oh you're for this little idea?" Sherman demanded.

"I up for anything that will get you two to stop fighting." Andy said. "What do you think, Socrates?"

"I think I like blue more than red," Socrates said, who was looking through the different colors on his flashlight.

Calvin, Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

* * *

Hobbes and Sherman sat on opposite sides of Calvin's couch glaring at each other, while Calvin, Andy and Socrates sat in some chairs stationed in front of the couch.

Calvin was holding a notepad and was watching Hobbes and Socrates through a pair of spectacles that he said made him look more official. However, since Calvin is not the type that need glasses he was unable to determine depth and he looked like he had his eyes crossed.

"Alright, let's begin," Calvin said, accidently pushing his pencil too far into the notepad and breaking the lead. As he stood up and made his way towards the pencil sharpener, he continued talking. "What is it between you two that makes you hate each other so... OUCH!!"

Everyone stared as Calvin walked right into the desk the pencil sharpener was on, hitting his leg.

"Calvin are you..." Andy started.

"I'm fine," Calvin growled. "Just let me sharpen the pencil."

Calvin began reaching for the electric pencil sharpener, continuously missing it, and jabbing the books that were on either side of it.

Calvin leaned forward and squinted.

Slowly he moved towards the pencil sharpener and...

"Calvin, take the glasses off," Socrates sighed.

"Never!" Calvin shouted, finally getting the pencil into the sharpener and getting it sharp, again.

And with that, he promptly turned and marched back to his chair. Which was a bit closer than what he could see.

_BANG!!_ "OW!!"

Everyone continued to stare as Calvin fell to the ground and gripped his leg, moaning.

Andy rolled his eyes, and reached over and yanked the glasses off Calvin's face.

"Hey!" Calvin shouted. "I was using those!"

"Calvin, I would really prefer if you don't kill yourself before we get our objective accomplished." He said. "Now sit down."

Calvin grumbled and sat back down in the chair.

"Now then," Socrates grinned. "We will begin this intervention by identifying the source of our inner combat!"

"No wait a moment!" Calvin spat, causing everyone to groan. "How is it you're leading this exercise?"

"Elliot's father is a therapist," Socrates said. "What, you didn't know?"

"I thought you said his father was a stage director,"

"I never said that," Socrates said, his brow furrowing.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Alright fine," Calvin sighed. "How are you going to open this?"

"By a simple question directed at both sides," Socrates said. "Do either of you know how to play a doudouk?"

"A what?" Andy demanded.

"It's a musical instrument from India," Socrates said.

"No," Hobbes said. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, I just think they sound really cool," Socrates said.

There was a long pause.

"Oh god," Sherman sighed, burying his face in his paws.

"Now then," Socrates said, standing up. "I'm going to do something I usually reserve for much further in the therapy process."

Calvin and Andy exchanged glances, as Socrates sat down in between Hobbes and Sherman.

"I'm going to put myself into the picture," Socrates said, putting his hands in his lap and grinning at his two patients.

Hobbes and Sherman looked at him unsurely.

"Now, if I were to hang out with you all the time, do you think either of you would fight with me?"

"Yes," Sherman said.

"Most definitely." Hobbes said.

"OK now, when you fight, how does it make you feel?"

There was a pause.

"Uuuhhh..." Hobbes started.

"There you see?!" Socrates yelled, standing up. "The answer is just too painful to say! Now we will go on to the ink splotches!"

Socrates reached into his backpack and pulled out a large card that had the obvious black shape of a woman on it.

"Now, do you see a man or a woman in this picture?" He asked, pointing at the picture.

Everyone stared at the picture.

"Uuh... A woman?" Hobbes asked.

"You hesitated, Hobbes!" Socrates said.

"Yeah well, I was expecting you to...."

"No, no, I wanted you to hesitate! I wanted you to select this person's gender!"

There was a pause.

"Erm.. Why?" Hobbes asked.

"We project our needs onto the world!" Socrates explained. "Life is meaningless! Shapeless! We use names and categories to help get us through the day!"

"What does this have to do with anything?" Sherman demanded.

"You also see it in the bible!" Socrates said, ignoring Sherman. "God has Adam name all the animals so that he can create some kind of order out of the chaos around him!" As Socrates said "chaos", he waved his arms frantically in front of Hobbes and Sherman's faces, causing them to reel back.

"How does this relate to us fighting?" Sherman demanded.

"You need a woman, Hobbes!" Socrates said. "That's why you thought this picture was of a woman!"

"I thought it was woman," Hobbes sighed.

"BECAUSE YOU WANTED IT TO BE A WOMAN, HOBBES!!!" Socrates shouted, jabbing a finger at Hobbes.

"No, I didn't!" Hobbes moaned. "I didn't care if it was a woman or not!"

"Oh really and why is that?" Socrates demanded.

"It's just a picture!" Hobbes shouted, pointing at the picture.

There was a pause as Socrates thought about that.

"But you embraced the picture, Hobbes!" He said, finally. "Because you needed a woman!"

"Socrates, what is wrong with you?" Andy demanded.

Socrates turned.

"I don't know what you're talking about," He said, stiffly.

Calvin and Andy rolled their eyes.

"You're just reciting all this from something you've seen on TV, aren't you?" Sherman said in realization, crossing his arms.

Socrates paused.

"....No," He said, finally.

Everyone sighed.

There was a pause.

"DROP THE LEASH, GREG!!... I mean... HOBBES!!!"

Hobbes' eyes squeezed shut.

"I can't believe you tigers," Sherman groaned. "Nothing is straight forward for you! You have to make everything complicated while probably goofing it all up in the process.

Socrates gave the blank face of a therapist while Hobbes glared at him, angrily.

"Now, Sherman, we all now how you feel," Socrates said, kneeling down beside the hamster. "But remember how much ground we've covered since this session has started."

"We haven't covered any ground!" Sherman yelled. "And you know why? Because you two are so incredibly thick you can't even counsel a hamster!"

Socrates grinned.

"Well, we haven't gotten to you, yet," He said. "I've been focusing on Hobbes these last few weeks,"

Everyone stared at Socrates.

"Socrates, we've only been doing this for four minutes," Andy said.

"Ssh, don't disturb the healing process," Socrates said, holding a hand up.

"You know what I think?" Sherman said, crossing his arms.

"No one cares what you think," Hobbes said, grumpily.

"Now why would you say that, Hobbes?" Socrates said, being sickeningly sweet towards the two. "Do you think you might be in tune with other people's feelings?"

"I think that Hobbes has been with humans too long!"

"Well, my dear hamster, we have several names for being in tune to things like that," Socrates said.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Hobbes demanded.

"Well, one name you could use is that you're an empath. There are a lot of those out there," Socrates said.

"It means that all these years hanging out with humans has changed you!" Sherman shot. "You're not even a tiger, anymore!"

"See now, we must try to control our anger." Socrates said. "Especially around empaths. They're very sensitive to.."

"THAT TEARS IT!!" Hobbes screamed. And with that he made a dive for Sherman.

"EEP!" Sherman squeaked, jumping off the couch and running away as fast as he could.

"You see," Socrates said. "Very sensitive. Those empaths."

"Hobbes! STOP!!" Calvin yelled.

Hobbes leaped onto the ground and started chasing Sherman on all fours, throwing the rug off the floor as he tore through the house after the small hamster. Sherman dove underneath the desk in the livingroom, and popped out the other side, heading for the kitchen.

Hobbes crashed through, knocking the desk and all its contents over, his eyes glazed over and fixed on the small hamster.

"Socrates! You've got to stop him!" Andy yelled.

"Why?" Socrates grinned. "This might turn out interesting!"

"He might hurt Sherman!"

"Ooh, even better!" Socrates grinned.

"Come on," Calvin groaned, taking Socrates' arm and leading him away.

* * *

Sherman tore through the kitchen looking for a place to hide. Unable to find anywhere, he dove towards the fridge, hoping to squeeze between it and the wall.

"I have you now, rat!" Hobbes growled, dangerously.

Sherman spun around.

Hobbes was crouched down stalking toward Sherman with a kind of jungle glazed over look that he had never seen before.

And then, Hobbes leaped through the air towards Sherman.

Sherman covered his face and reeled back

_**ZAP!!!**  
_  
There was a moment of silence.

Sherman looked up.

Hobbes was hanging frozen in mid air, his claws out and his jaws wide about twelve inches away from the small hamster.

Sherman looked around.

Calvin was standing in the doorway with a bored expression, pointing the MTM at Hobbes.

"Well, you really did it, now, Shermie," Andy said, walking past Calvin and picking the hamster off the ground. "What would you have done if Calvin wasn't here to save you?"

Sherman didn't answer as he was still trying to catch his breath.

"Deactivate freeze frame," Calvin said, boredly.

"Whatever," MTM yawned.

There was a pause, then Hobbes collapsed onto the ground in a heap.

"Hey!" He yelled. "What'd you do that for?"

At that moment, Socrates came running into the room, holding a seltzer bottle in one hand, a drum stick in the other, wearing an orange life vest, swimming goggles and a chief's tall white hat.

"What did I... Oh dang it, I forgot the lotion!" He said, looking back into the living room.

Everyone glared at him.

"Revenge will be mine, cat!" Sherman yelled, as Andy carried him away.

He and Calvin then said their goodbyes, and Andy left.

As Andy closed the door, Calvin spun around to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, what were you thinking?!"

"Sorry," Hobbes shrugged. "I had to do it,"

"What do you mean 'you had to do it'? What did you plan to do once you caught the little hairball?"

"Hey, he stepped over the line!" Hobbes said. "I'm not letting him get away with something like that!"

"Well, thanks to you, now Sherman's angry at us." Calvin groaned. "I hope you're happy."

There was a pause as Calvin and Hobbes glared at each other.

Then all eyes went to Socrates, who was still wearing the life vest, goggles and hat.

"What are you doing here, still?" Calvin demanded.

"Well, I ordered a shipment of oreos when Hobbes went after Sherman," Socrates said.

"Get out of my house!" Calvin groaned.

"Alright, just charge it to Elliot's dad." Socrates said, heading out the door. "He is a very wealthy stock owner you know."

* * *

Several days went by with no sightings of Sherman. It seemed like he did what any ingenious hamster would do when he's stressed out: He immerses himself in his work.

Finally after a few weeks, he reappeared with a brand new invention. And after putting it all together, he decided to invite Calvin, Andy, Socrates and the MTM to come see it. Oddly enough, he forgot to invite Hobbes.

"Alright, gentlemen," Sherman said, as he stood in front of the group he invited. Behind him was a table with a sheet thrown over it. "I am very pleased to announce the arrival of my new creation, The Forget-Me-Not!"

And with that, Sherman ripped the sheet off the table and the invention was revealed. A small, silver, rectangular device with several red buttons on it.

Everyone stared at it.

"Forget-me-not?" Calvin repeated.

"Forget-me-not." Sherman said.

"Forget-_me_-not...." Andy said, thoughtfully.

"Forget-me-_not_" Sherman said.

"_Forget-me-not_," MTM said, sounding as if he was nodding.

There was a pause.

"Oh, so _I _don't get to say it?" Socrates demanded.

"It's supposed to help you remember things," Sherman said.

There was a pause.

"_Forget_-me-not?" Socrates said, inquisitively.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"Why would you want invent something like that?" Andy asked.

"Andy, it's a device that improves your memory?" Sherman said. "Why wouldn't I invent something like this?"

"Forget-me-not!" Socrates exclaimed.

"Shut up," Calvin groaned.

"Here, I'll give you a demonstration." Sherman said. "It's incredibly simple to operate."

The tiny hamster ran over to the remote and pushed the button.

There was a blast of electricty and a hologram popped out of the end.

_Welcome to the Forget-me-not.  
Please select an option_

"Well, as long as you don't give it a voice chip, I'm fine with it," MTM said.

Sherman rolled his eyes and hopped over to another button.

_Memory enhancement option selected._

Everyone stared at the remote.

Suddenly, the hologram turned red, and the message changed.

_ERROR_

Everyone stared.

"Hm," Sherman said, thoughtfully. "That's not supposed to happen."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

Sherman hopped over to another button and pushed it.

The hologram changed

_Memory enhancement option selected._

There it sat for a moment before changing back.

_ERROR_

Sherman blinked.

"That's weird."

"Sherman, can we go, now?" Andy asked, checking his watch.

"Wait, I think I know what's wrong," Sherman said, hopping over to another button.

The hologram changed, again. Not for the better, however.

_SYSTEM FAILURE_

Sherman hopped over to another button.

_We're sorry, your computer has performed an illegal operation and will shut down._

Socrates rolled his eyes.

Sherman pushed another button.

"Sherman!" Andy said, impatiently.

"Wait, wait!" Sherman said. "I know what to do!"

Sherman leaped onto one button, then onto another, then onto a third, before flipping a switch on it and hopping over onto another button.

_SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE  
SYSTEM FAILURE_

Suddenly, a tiny alarm in the machine went off, and it began trembling.

Sherman backed off and everyone stared at it.

Suddenly, a blast of electricity shot out of the tiny machine, and struck a test tube on Sherman's desk. It bounced off that, and hit the ceiling, which in turn caused it to ricochet at the floor next to Calvin.

Then it struck Calvin.

"AAAUGH!!" Calvin shouted, feeling it hit his person and falling to the floor.

"Whoop!" Sherman yelled, running over. "It wasn't supposed to do that!"

In a fit of panic, Socrates rushed over to the now unconscious Calvin and lifted him up.

"Calvin! Calvin! Speak to me!" He yelled. "Hold on, my friend!"

He set Calvin on the floor, and started pushing his stomach in and out.

Andy, Sherman and the MTM watched.

"Hang on, Calvin! Don't leave us yet!" Socrates yelled, frantically. "Can I have the MTM?!"

These words, upon reaching Calvin's ears, caused his eyes to pop open and his teeth to grind.

"You lay one _paw_ on the MTM, Socrates, and I'll..."

"THANK THE GOOD LORD ABOVE!!!" Socrates yelled, embracing Calvin in a giant bear hug. "I still have my target!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Get off of me, right now." Calvin said, calmly.

"Righto!" Socrates grinned, standing up. "I don't what I would have done without ya, you know."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Just think how bored I would have been!" Socrates said, terrified at the thought. "You see, since Elliot's dad's a musician, the family's almost never home! I'd get all lonely!"

Calvin glared at Socrates.

"Calvin," Andy began. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Calvin said, brushing himself off. "Great invention, Sherman. Now for the rest of the day, I have to put up with this stupid headache.

Sherman stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"Well, perhaps I should work on something else for a while," He said, rolling his eyes around.

"Perhaps you should," Calvin said, glaring at the hamster.

There was a moment of silence.

"Can we go, now?" Andy asked.

Sherman heaved a deep sigh.

"Alright, fine. Get out of my lab." he sighed.

* * *

"Well, that was certainly exciting," Socrates said, at the front door a bit later. "And the day's not over yet!"

"What do you mean?" Andy asked.

"Elliot's dad just got booked for a new movie!" Socrates said. "He's an actor, you know!"

Calvin, Andy and the MTM stared at Socrates for a long moment, blankly.

Socrates simply stood there, grinning.

"Well, I'll see you in a bit!" He said, happily.

"See ya, Socrates." Andy said, waving.

Socrates saluted and rushed off.

"See you later, Calvin," Andy said, starting to turn back into the house.

"See ya, Frank," Calvin said, turning around.

Andy paused.

"What?" He asked, turning to Calvin.

"I said, see you later," Calvin said.

"You called me Frank," Andy said.

"That's your name, isn't it?" Calvin asked.

"Uuuh... No, Calvin, my name is Andy," Andy said. "We've only known each other for four years,"

"Oh.. right," Calvin said, his eyes brightening. "Sorry about that."

"Alright," Andy said, "See you,"

"See you later, Andy," Calvin said, turning and starting down the sidewalk.

Andy looked after him, unsurely before closing the door.

Calvin walked down Andy's walkway, went out the gate, and turned to the left.

For about fifteen feet, he walked in this direction, before MTM spoke up.

"Calvin?"

"Yes?" Calvin asked, looking down.

"Where are we going?"

"Home,"

"Who's home?"

"Our home," Calvin said.

"No we're not."

Calvin stopped.

"What do you mean, 'no we're not'?" He asked.

"This is the direction to Socrates' mansion," MTM said.

There was a pause.

Calvin squinted off into the distance.

"Oh..." He said. "So it is. That's weird. Why would I walk that way?"

"I couldn't imagine," MTM said.

"I mean, I've never made this mistake, before," Calvin said, turning around and walking in the other direction. "Kind of odd."

"Yes, it is," MTM said.

Calvin continued walking for a while.

Then he stopped.

"What are we doing here?" He asked.

MTM paused.

"Uhh.. We walked here." He said.

"Yeah, I know that," Calvin said, impatiently. "I mean why is it, we're like ten feet away from Sherman's gate all of a sudden?"

"Don't you remember walking over here?" MTM asked.

"No, I don't," Calvin said.

There was a pause.

"Well, that's weird," He said, finally. "Let's head on home, Hobbes,"

MTM paused before answering.

"Uuuh... OK," He said, slowly.

It was around there that he began wondering about that electric blast that had hit Calvin.

* * *

A few days later, Hobbes was still grumbling in their room, cursing hamsters for all eternity.

There was a gentle knock at the door that made him look up.

"If you're a hamster, go play with an A-Bomb!" he shouted angrily, glaring pointedly into his comic book.

The door squeaked open a little bit, and through it emerged Andy and Socrates.

"Hobbes?" Andy asked gently. "You alright?"

"Hobbo! Long time, no prank on Calvin!" Socrates added cheerfully.

Hobbes softened a little when he saw them.

"Oh, hey guys," he said. "Come on in."

Andy and Socrates shuffled awkwardly into the room. Well, Andy did. Socrates was more cheerful.

"Hey, Hobbo! Glad we can talk at last!"

Hobbes nodded listlessly. Socrates continued.

"Hey listen, sorry about going insane at the intervention."

"'Going'?" Andy repeated.

"It's just that, once I get my freak on, I find it very difficult to stop. Elliot's dad would know about that. He's a disco dancer, you know!"

Hobbes and Andy sighed.

"So where's Calvin?" Andy asked.

"He's out in the backyard with MTM," Hobbes said, glancing out the window. "He's been trying to reinstall that kindle thing for awhile now."

"How's he been?"

"He's still shifting between shouting at everyone and being cheerful. Oddly enough, he's been saying the exact same things lately."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, it's interesting. He says something, goes through the motions, and then he stops, looks around, and then he starts over."

Andy and Socrates exchanged glances.

"You don't suppose this has anything to do with the Forget-Me-Not, do you?" Andy asked.

"The what?" Hobbes asked.

"_Forget_-Me -_Not_!" Socrates said cheerfully.

" Sherman made a new invention a few days ago," Andy explained. "It's supposed to help you remember things, but it misfired and Calvin was hit with an electric bolt."

Hobbes' expression darkened.

"That no-good hamster! He has the nerve to that to my best friend?! That trouble-making…"

"Ah, ah, ah, no you don't!" Andy said, stopping him. "It's that kind of attitude that got you in trouble in the first place."

Socrates looked hurt. "I thought _I _was your best friend!"

Hobbes was still angry, but before he could rant again, Calvin entered with MTM tucked into his back pocket.

"Hey guys," he said. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. We're just talking," Andy said, looking at him inquisitively.

"Huh, how nice. Where's Sherman?"

"He's not here," Socrates said.

"Thank goodness!" Hobbes said loudly.

"Why? Why isn't he here? What's going on?" Calvin asked, sounding a bit worried.

"He and Hobbes are having another fight," Andy said.

"Another fight?! Why didn't anybody tell me?!"

"Because…you knew?" Socrates supplied.

"I most certainly did _not_!" Calvin shouted. "Come on, we'll have to have a word with him and smooth this over. I'll grab MTM."

Calvin went over to the desk, only to find nothing there.

Everyone stared at MTM, who was sticking out of Calvin's back pocket.

"Where's MTM?" he demanded.

"I'm right here!" MTM replied.

Calvin reached into his back pocket and pulled MTM out, looking relieved.

"Ah-ha! Found you! Now let's get going."

He jammed MTM back into his back pocket and headed towards the door and leaned out it.

"Sherman? We're leaving!"

Everyone stared at him.

Andy tapped Calvin's shoulder.

"Calvin? Sherman's not here. He and Hobbes are still having a fight."

"A fight?!" Calvin repeated, aghast. "Well, why are we all just sitting around? We have to do something about this!"

"Ooh! Ooh! Intervention!" Socrates cried, waving his hand happily.

"_NO_!" Hobbes and Andy shouted.

"What's with you two? That's a good idea!" Calvin said. "I'll grab MTM and we'll go."

Calvin crossed back over to the desk, but he found nothing there this time either.

"Where is he? Where's MTM?" he demanded.

"Check your pocket!" Hobbes shouted.

Calvin pulled MTM out of his back pocket.

"Ah! There you are. Good. Let's get moving."

He hurried across to the door again and leaned out it.

"Sherman?!" he shouted.

Everyone looked uneasily at each other.

"Calvin?" Andy said, approaching him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Andrew, why do you ask?" Calvin replied cheerfully.

"Wait," MTM said, speaking up. "You don't suppose this has to do with Sherman's invention, do you?"

"We were discussing that possibility before you came here, yes," Socrates agreed.

"Sherman's got a new invention?" Calvin asked. "Is that where he's been all this time?"

Everyone looked at each other.

Calvin couldn't help but snort. "Gee, I thought he'd learned his lesson after the Time Portal! Oh well. I guess it's worth a look."

And he leaned out the door again.

"What do you think, Sherman?"

There was no reply.

"Sherman?"

Still nothing.

"SHERMAN!!"

Still no Sherman.

Calvin glared at the empty space before storming back into his room.

"Great!" he complained. "Sherman's run off with the MTM!"

Everyone gulped and looked at each other.

* * *

Andy, Socrates, MTM and a reluctant Hobbes headed back over towards Andy and Sherman's house.

"Why are we doing this again?" Hobbes grumbled.

"We need to let Sherman know that there were aftereffects from that electric blast that hit Calvin," Andy said.

"I knew that part, I want to know why you brought _me_!"

"Well it's a laugh, innit?" MTM replied.

Socrates nodded in agreement.

Hobbes sighed.

They entered the house and approached the lab.

Andy pressed the intercom button.

"Shermie?"

There was a pause before the crackly response came back.

"What?" a very agitated voice asked.

"We need your help."

"Who's 'we'?"

Andy glanced at the group behind him.

"Socrates, myself and MTM."

There was a pause.

"Come in."

The doors slid open.

Andy, Socrates and a still-glaring Hobbes entered down the spiral staircase.

Sherman barely acknowledged them. In fact, he didn't even turn around.

"You said he wasn't with you," he grumbled.

"No I didn't," Andy replied. "I merely skipped over him."

"If it's any consolation, he doesn't want to be here, so he's not _all _here," Socrates pointed out.

Sherman mulled that over.

"Yeah, that helps a little."

Hobbes glared at him.

"Shermie, something's wrong with Calvin," Andy continued.

Sherman finally looked up.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's got some sort of weirdo amnesia going on," Socrates said. "We think it's got something to do with that electric blast he received the other day."

Sherman glanced over at the Forget-Me-Not, which sat discarded in the corner. He paused for a second, thinking this over.

"I suppose it is possible that it had a reverse affect on his Hippocampus," he decided.

"His Hippo-what now?" Socrates asked as his brow furrowed.

"Located deep within the cerebral cortex in the limbic system, near the temporal lobes," Sherman explained. "This structure is vital to the formation and retrieval of memories."

"Really?" Andy asked.

"Oh, don't get him started," Hobbes muttered.

Sherman glared, and then he elaborated out of spite.

"A young child learns about ten new words each day, and the average adult can easily develop a vocabulary including over a hundred _thousand_ words. It is the evolution of our memories that has, in large part, preserved your species. The key to human survival has been the ability of one generation to pass along its insights, innovations, and experiences to the next, so that they can improve upon them and progress more quickly forward. Human memory can most broadly be defined as a function of the brain that gives you your ability to store and retrieve information. Science is fairly confident of the fact that there are many different types of memory, and many different mechanisms for their storage and retrieval processes. There are, potentially, as many types of memory as there are types of information and input to remember, and so the concept of one single brain section holding responsibility for memory has become somewhat obsolete."

"I see," Socrates said thoughtfully.

"I'm sure you don't, but I appreciate your willing to pretend."

Socrates grinned.

"So the Hippocampus is supposed to help the human mind to not only _make _memories, but it also retrieves them as well?" Andy asked.

"Precisely," Sherman said.

"So the Forget-Me-Not has cut off Calvin's access of from his memories, and now he can't make new ones either?"

"And he's losing the ones he already had at an alarming rate," MTM put in.

"Shermie, you're going to have to repair the Forget-Me-Not and get it to work right. It may be the only way to help Calvin," Andy said.

Sherman went to reply, but Hobbes cut him off.

"Pah!" he snorted. "It's the idiot hamster's fault that this happened in the first place! We can't trust him to do it right! Heck, I won't trust him to open a can of tuna correctly!"

Sherman glared at Hobbes.

"Fine!" he snapped. "Just for that, I won't help at all! So there!"

"Good! We don't need your help!

"Then get out of my lab!"

"For your information, I was heading there anyway! Good day to you, sir!"

"And to you too!"

And with that, Hobbes stormed out of the lab, and Sherman went back to what he'd been doing before.

Andy and Socrates looked between the two in astonishment.

"Wait a minute…," Andy said, scratching his head. "What the heck just happened here?!"

"Weird…," Socrates agreed. "Elliot's dad would know how to handle this."

"Why, is he a doctor?"

"No, but he plays one on TV!"

Andy glared at him and stormed away.

* * *

The next day, Calvin arrived at his classroom, ready for school.

"Losing my memory? Bah!" he snorted to himself. "I found the school without a problem! Granted, I got some help from that big yellow bus, and that weird girl had to help me to my locker, but never mind!"

He looked around the classroom, which was still filling up with student.

"Good morning, Calvin," Miss Wormwood said, not looking up from her papers.

"Good afternoon, Sheila," Calvin replied, not looking directly at her.

Miss Wormwood looked up at him sternly.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

Calvin looked at her and realized he must've made a mistake.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "How do you pronounce your name?"

"To you, I am known as Miss Wormwood."

"No, seriously, your name, please?"

She glared at him.

Calvin backed off. "Okay…," he said.

He walked around the room unsurely. He finally wandered over to a desk and sat in it, and he saw that Candace was sitting next to him, looking confused.

Calvin looked at the items on the desk. "What's all this?" he asked. "This isn't my pink pen. My pen wouldn't have a bit pinky frilly fuzz ball on top of it!"

"That's not your desk," Candace said. "Yours is the next one over."

Calvin immediately jumped away from the desk.

"I knew that!" he said quickly. "I just wanted to know where my frilly pink pen was."

As he crossed over and settled down into his own desk, Susie sat down next to him in the one with the frilly pink pen.

"Hi, Calvin," she said.

Calvin looked up with a start.

"Oh, hello, pretty girl," he said nervously, forgetting that he didn't like her.

Susie raised an eyebrow.

"Ooh-kay," she said unsurely, "how's it been at your house?"

Calvin gulped. "Um, what's the last thing you heard about it?" he asked carefully.

Susie stared. "Well, you dropped a bucket of water on you dad last week," she said.

"I did? Where'd I do that?"

"At your house!"

"What about my house?"

"You dropped a bucket of water on your dad at your house!"

"I did? I mean… I knew that!"

Susie stared at him some more

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get something from my locker!"

Calvin got up and headed towards the back of the room.

Susie watched him over her shoulder. "You can't get out that way!" she called.

Calvin rapidly walked back the other way towards the door, yelling, "I KNEW THAT!!" He turned towards the open door, somehow thinking it was closed. He closed the door and crashed right into a blank white brick wall. Realizing his mistake, he opened the door and this time walked back out towards his locker.

At least, he _hoped _he was.

* * *

That afternoon, Andy, MTM and Socrates were sitting on the side of the pool, trying to talk to Hobbes, who was out on an inflatable chair in the middle of the water. He had on a headset and sunglasses and was refusing to face them.

"Come on, Hobbes, you need to apologize to Sherman!" Andy shouted.

Hobbes wouldn't look at him.

"Hobbes, if you don't apologize to Sherman, Calvin will never get better!"

He still wouldn't face them.

"I'm getting tired of this," Socrates sighed.

"Shouldn't Calvin be home by now?" asked Andy.

"Yeah, I thought he could do with some air," MTM replied. "I gave him directions to Sneer Hill. He decided to go for a hike."

Bang on cue, Calvin suddenly appeared in the gateway to the pool, carrying a giant hiking stick and looking incredibly tired.

"Hey, you're back quick," MTM commented.

"You wanna know why I came back so fast?" Calvin demanded, speaking in a Minnesotan accent for some reason. "I got to the end of our driveway and I couldn't remember which way to go! I went into the backyard and nothing looked familiar to me! Not one dang tree! Scared me have to death!"

And he collapsed next to them on the poolside.

"Poor sap," Socrates sighed, looking back out at Hobbes.

"I'm afraid of Virginia Wolf! Me!" Calvin suddenly shouted.

"We need to get out of here," Andy sighed, getting up. "I'm going to try and talk to Sherman."

"You do that," Socrates said listlessly. "I'll continue to…do whatever it was we were trying to with him."

Andy went home.

Socrates looked out at Hobbes on the pool.

"If only we had Elliot's dad's deep-sea diving equipment, we could get him back," he sighed.

MTM wished he had eyes to roll.

* * *

When Andy returned home, he went to straight to the lab to look for Sherman. He didn't even bother to buzz the intercom; he just opened the doors and went inside. He stormed down the stairs, bypassing the last few in his hurry, and he looked around for his hamster.

"Sherman?" he shouted.

Nothing.

"Shermie?"

Still nothing.

"Sherman J Hamster! Where are you?"

But there was no sign of the hamster.

Then he saw a note that was taped onto the table. He picked it up and read it.

"_Dear Andy, I have decided to go away for awhile. If you need me for any reason, I'll be at my retreat behind Brown's General Store. Very Sincerely, __Sherman__._"

Andy stared at the note.

"Oh great!" he complained, tossing the note aside. "Now the only one can help Calvin is off on vacation at his retreat behind the General Store!"

Then he realized.

"Wait… When did he get a retreat?"

* * *

Later that day, Andy, Socrates and MTM were heading towards the General Store, looking through the crowd that was milling around the building. They were taking Calvin with them so that Sherman could help him right away.

"Look at all these people!" Andy complained.

"Dear oh dear, it's like a tropical rainforest!" MTM commented.

"That hamster is about the size of a Satsuma!" Socrates complained. "How are we supposed to find him in this crowd of blubber and B/O?!"

"He must be around here somewhere," Andy said decidedly. "MTM? Start a scan."

"Check."

MTM began scanning the general area, and he began beeping.

"He's somewhere in the store," MTM announced. "Let's get going."

But as they started to walk, Socrates looked around.

"Hey, where's Calvin?!"

"We lost him?!" Andy cried, looking around frantically.

"Told you we should've tied him to a tree," MTM reminded them.

Sighing, they dove into the crowds and disappeared.

* * *

A man wearing a striped vest and a straw hat was walking around outside the store doorway next to a large scale.

"Guess your weight!" he shouted. "Step right up! Just a dollar! Guess your weight!"

Calvin walked over and saw him, looking intrigued.

"Hmm, sounds good to me," he said, handing the man a dollar bill. "Have a guess!"

The man took the dollar and looked Calvin over thoughtfully.

"Hmmm… 91 pounds!" Then he pointed at the giant scale. "Step on the scale!"

Calvin casually stepped up on the scale.

"Huh. 91 pounds on the dot," he said. "Uncanny."

And he stepped off and started to walk away.

The man started addressing the crowd again.

"Guess your weight! Step right up! Just a dollar!"

Calvin turned as if noticing him for the first time.

"Hmm, sounds good to me," he said again, handing the man a dollar bill. "Have a guess."

The man looked at him, surprised, went to say something, and then smirked and took the dollar.

"91 pounds. Step on the scale," he said, sending Calvin up on the scale again.

Calvin got up on the scale and looked at it.

"91 pounds on the button. I'll be."

And got down and started to walk away.

The man looked at him cunningly.

"Guess your weight! Just _two dollars_! Step right up!" he said, directly in Calvin's direction.

Calvin turned around.

"Hmm, sounds good to me," he said, handing the man two more dollar bills.

* * *

Andy and Socrates looked around the store, aiming MTM in every direction.

"We're getting closer," MTM announced. "Just a bit further."

Finally, they arrived at a small gathering of spilled potato chip bags on the floor.

MTM's beeping became a solid long bleep.

"He's in there," he declared.

"What? His retreat is behind a bunch of _Doritos_?" Socrates asked. "I don't mind telling you that this has been a major disappointment."

Cautiously, Andy removed a few of the bag, and then he discovered there was a tiny hole under the aisle. Getting down on his hands and knees, he peered inside and gasped.

"Holy cow!" he cried.

"What? What is it?" Socrates asked.

"There's a tennis court down there! And a full spa! Man! There's even a karaoke bar!"

Socrates squinted his eyes in confusion. "Who the heck does he perform for? Gerbils?"

"Shermie?" Andy shouted into the hole.

There was a pause.

Then Andy backed up as a tiny hamster came emerging from the hole in a smoking jacket.

"You shouted?" he asked disdainfully.

"Shermie, you've gotta come back!" Andy said pleadingly. "Calvin's brain is getting worse and you're the only one who can help him!"

"Why should I?" Sherman sniffed. "That rotten tiger insulted me!"

"So?" Socrates snorted.

"_And _he tried to _kill_ me!"

"Hmm… Yeah, that is pretty hard to forgive."

"I'm not helping until Hobbes apologizes! That's final!"

And with that, he dragged the bags back over the hole and disappeared.

"But Shermie…!" Andy shouted, trying to pull them back again.

Socrates then tapped him on his shoulder.

"What?" Andy demanded.

Then he saw that he was being stared at by a bunch of people.

"Oh, hi," he said nervously. "Uh, go about your business, please."

And with that, he picked up the stuffed tiger and CD player that were on the floor and scampered away.

* * *

Outside, Hobbes was approaching the store from the rear. He had followed them there and was now pondering over the situation.

Then he saw someone off in the distance.

It was Calvin. He was wandering around like a chicken without a head, trying to find his way around.

Finally, Calvin sat down on a park bench. He waited for awhile for something to happen.

A few moments later, a small puppy got up on the bench with him.

Calvin stared at the puppy for a long time.

Then he finally addressed it.

"So you're the little menace who keeps leaving your tricycle in my driveway!" he complained.

The puppy stared at him innocently.

"Well, you'll not be getting it back this time!"

The puppy walked up to Calvin and looked at him even more disgustingly innocently.

Finally, Calvin's stern look vanished and he gave him a good scratch behind the ears.

"Ah well, it's not your fault," he said at last. "You've got lousy parents."

From a distance, Hobbes could take the scene no longer. He approached Calvin and the puppy. He picked the puppy up and turned it to face him.

"Hey, little fella," he said. "Why don't you go find your owner? I need to have a word with Calvin."

He shooed the dog away.

"And go get a mint while you're at it!"

Then he sat down next to Calvin, who seemed to have forgotten the puppy.

"Look, Calvin, I know what I did was wrong, but I think I should stand my ground. I think Sherman did wrong and deserved to be punished. And besides, he's _your _friend. He's not about to just let your mind rot. He'll come around. I don't need to apologize."

But Calvin just looked at him. "Who are you?" he asked.

Hobbes stared at him. "Hey, don't give me that," he said, so caught up in the moment he'd forgotten that Calvin was forgetting. "I'm the same as I ever was! Sherman's wrong! I'm still a tiger!"

"I have no idea who you are," Calvin insisted, looking a bit agitated.

"Why? Because I'm standing up for myself? Because I'm not letting some genius hamster put me down?"

"Who the _heck _are you?!" Calvin demanded.

"You wanna know who I am? You want me to tell you? Fine! I'll tell you!"

Then a sad look came over Hobbes' face as he started to cry.

"I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, CALVIN! I DON'T KNOW!"

And in his sorrow, he gripped a very confused Calvin into a hug.

"Now you're hurting me," he complained.

Letting go, Hobbes suddenly remembered.

"Oh right," he muttered, wiping his eyes. "Your mind's going on you. My best friend's brain is about to shatter, and I'm letting it because I'm being stubborn. Well, you know what? No more. I'm going to find Sherman and apologize and get you back."

And with that, Hobbes went round to the front of the store to find the others.

Calvin stared at him, and then stared off into space again, clueless.

Then he saw a squirrel skittering around on the sidewalk near the bench.

"What a magnificent sweater he has on…," Calvin commented.

* * *

Andy and Socrates were looking around the store some more, trying to think of something, when Hobbes came in.

"Alright, where is he?" he sighed dejectedly.

Andy and Socrates were momentarily surprised, but then they pointed in the direction of the spilled potato chip bags.

Hobbes approached the bags cleared them away.

While they were watching, Andy turned to look out the window and came face-to-face with Calvin, who was smiling dopily at them.

"Say, aren't you my dentist?" he asked.

"Get in here," Andy grumbled, pulling him in through the glass door.

Hobbes bent down and looked through the hole.

"Ye Gods look at all that," he muttered. "How is it the hamster gets better quarters than I do?"

Then he cleared his throat and raised his voice.

"Sherman? You in there? We need to talk."

There was a pause.

Then, Sherman finally came out, whearing a red silk bathrobe.

"Yes?" he asked ruefully, eyeing Hobbes.

Hobbes heaved a sigh.

"Sherman, I'm sorry I tried to kill you, and I'm sorry I insulted your credibility," he said, not able to look at the hamster directly.

Sherman looked at him quizzically.

"And you're not a rat, you're a hamster, and I'm sorry I called you Vermin all those times."

There was a pause.

Sherman smirked and raised an eyebrow.

"And…?" he urged.

Hobbes heaved a sigh and felt like he'd retch at any moment.

"…_I love you_…," he grumbled through gritted teeth.

Sherman grinned. "Good enough."

Andy and Socrates were trying not to laugh from behind them.

"Tonight, on a very special episode of _Calvin and Hobbes_," Andy narrated, and Socrates snorted slightly.

Hobbes glared at them. "Okay, okay, we're done here. Now will you fix the Forget-Me-Whatever?"

"That's still a dopey name," Socrates grinned.

Sherman reached into one of the potato chip bags and pulled out the Forget-Me-Not.

"I've already gotten the bugs worked out of it. One good zap should reverse the process and get his brain working again," he said.

"Wait, it was already fixed?" Andy asked.

"Yep."

"And you…," Hobbes felt anger building up inside of himself, "…_when_?!"

"A few hours ago, actually," Sherman said with a grin. "What, did you actually think I was going to let Calvin's brain rot because of some petty argument? I just waited a little while to see if Hobbes would crumble."

Hobbes began to growl slightly, but Socrates held him back. "Easy, Hobbo," he whispered.

* * *

Later, they were behind the store where no one could see them.

Socrates was keeping a hand on Calvin's shoulder to keep him from wandering off.

"Okay, ready?" asked Sherman.

"Do it," Andy said.

Sherman ran over to the remote and pushed the button.

There was a blast of electricity and a hologram popped out of the end.

_Welcome to the Forget-me-not.  
Please select an option_

Sherman pressed another button.

_Memory enhancement option selected._

_PROCESS INITIATING…_

_COMPLETE_

"Here we go!" Sherman crowed.

**_ZAP!_**

Everyone jumped back as a shot of electricity flew out of the Forget-Me-Not and struck Calvin, yanking him out of Socrates' hand.

Socrates was put off-balance, and his head swooped down and caught some of the blast as well.

They both fell to the ground in a heap.

"Huh," Sherman said. "Wasn't aiming for _him_."

Slowly but surely, both Calvin and Socrates managed to get up.

"Hey!" Calvin shouted. "Where am I?! What's happening? Hobbes! Where are we? What's everyone doing here?!"

"He's back!" Hobbes cheered.

"And he's ticked," Andy sighed.

Socrates' head shot up.

"Hey! I remember now! It's all so clear to me!" he cheered.

"What is?" asked Andy.

"Elliot's dad's profession! I could never remember it! I know it now!"

"Ha! So it works!" Sherman cheered.

"Yeah, great, so what does he do?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, you think I'm gonna tell _you_?" Socrates grinned. "Take all the fun and mystery out of it? Where's the joy in that?"

Everyone sighed.

Then Calvin noticed something. He reached into the seat of his pants.

"Why the heck am I wearing a diaper?!" he demanded.

Everyone glanced at Socrates, who looked away innocently.

**THE END**

**Voice Work:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**  
Ryan Stiles **Socrates**  
Andrew Lawrence **Andy**  
Colin Mochrie **Sherman**  
Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Dakota Fanning **Susie**  
Mary Jo Catlett **Miss Wormwood**  
Lauren Tom **Candace**  
Tom Kenny **"Guess Your Weight" Man

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Karma


	25. Karma

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Swing123 and garfieldodie_

**Karma**

"This meeting of G.R.O.S.S. is now called to order," Calvin said as he and Hobbes both saluted in the top of the tree house.

"Here, here," Hobbes said, clapping.

"Now, has everyone signed in, today?" Calvin asked, looking around.

Hobbes held up a clipboard, which had both his and Calvin's name on it.

"Yep." He said.

"Good," Calvin grinned. "I'm glad everyone could make it." He pulled out another clipboard. "Now, for the operation of 2010, we will now elect the new officers."

"I elect myself as president," Hobbes said.

"I elect myself Dictator-for-Life," Calvin said. "There, glad we got that sorted out. Now on to old business."

Hobbes held up a piece of paper.

"Yesterday, the enemy was at school." He said.

"Good. On to new business," Calvin said.

"Today, the enemy is playing on the sidewalk." Hobbes said. "Recent sightings have reported to her having possession of snicker doodle cookies."

"That's predictable." Calvin said.

"What's the current plan of action?" Hobbes asked.

"Soak Susie and steal the cookies." Calvin said.

"Excellent suggestion." Hobbes said.

"Good. Meeting adjourned." Calvin said.

And with that, they grabbed some water balloons and started to climb out of the tree house.

"Have you ever noticed that our shortest meetings are usually the most productive?" Hobbes asked.

"Careful, Hobbes, those kind of observations could distort reality as we know it," Calvin warned.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

* * *

Susie, meanwhile, was keeping to herself playing with her dolls on the sidewalk by her house.

Basically, it was she was doing every time Calvin decided he wanted to come after her with water balloons.

Today, she just happened to have cookies with her, which is more or less a summoning for Calvin, unbeknown to her.

Calvin and Hobbes were sitting several feet away in the bushes across the street. Each of them were carrying a water balloon.

"OK, it's come to this." Calvin whispered. "Our whole life we've been preparing for this moment."

There was a pause.

"We have?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes, we have. And finally after all this…."

"But we do this every week," Hobbes said.

"That's irrelevant, Hobbes," Calvin said. "The point here is that we have finally come to this point in our lives and it's going to end with us acquiring a whole bunch of cookies."

"Well, it is a special occasion when Susie has actual cookies with her when she's out here," Hobbes considered.

"It's an extremely special occasion!" Calvin said. "And it's even more special when _we _get them! Now are we clear on the plan?"

"Erm, I think so," Hobbes said.

"You _think _so?" Calvin demanded.

"Enough to watch you do it long enough to catch on," Hobbes said.

There was a pause.

"That's going to have to do for now," Calvin said. "On my signal!"

And with that, Calvin rushed off towards another bush.

Hobbes watched him for a moment.

"What was the signal, again?" He asked himself, his eyes going skyward.

Susie continued playing, completely unaware of the conspiracy that was going on around her.

She was pouring imaginary tea for her stuffed rabbit, when a sound reached her ears.

She looked up.

There didn't appear to be anyone around.

She watched the bushes for a second, before going back to her toys.

Then, she heard it again.

_Rustle, rustle..... Rustle…_

She looked up. Still nothing.

Susie glared, suspiciously at the bushes.

"Calvin…?" She started, slowly.

There was no reply.

"Calvin, is that you?" Susie demanded. "Because if it is, I should tell you my Mom is watching me from the house!"

No answer.

Susie watched for a moment before slowly looking back down at her toys.

There was a short pause as she played.

Then, she noticed something else of particular interest: All of a sudden, something cold and wet came in contact with her head.

_SPLASH!!!_

"AAAAAAAUGH!!"

"TALLY-HO!!"

There was an explosion of leaves and twigs, and Calvin exploded from the bushes, and raced over to Susie, while Hobbes quietly watched from the nearby bush.

Calvin grabbed the cookies from Susie's side and raced off with them.

"CALVIN!!" Susie screeched, angrily.

"OUR MISSION IS A SUCCESS, HOBBES!!" Calvin screamed as he ran. "RUUUUUUN!!!!!"

Without even looking to see if Hobbes was following him Calvin swung around and headed off towards Sneer Hill.

Running along the base, Calvin twisted and turned through trees and over rocks in order to keep Susie from following him, despite the fact that she wasn't.

Calvin looked over his shoulder and looked around.

Susie was nowhere in sight.

Calvin grinned and turned his continue watching where he was going.

It was at that time that Calvin noticed there was something in the line of his path. Something red.

In the split second it had, Calvin's brain proceeded to work out the problem and let him in on it.

_There is a wagon in the way of travel. Please turn 90 degrees to the west in order to avoid running into it._

Unfortunately, the message only got up to "There is a wagon..." before disaster struck.

**_CRASH!!!_** "AAAUGH!!'

Calvin rammed stomach-first into the wagon, knocking him off his feet and throwing him and the cookies to the ground.

He then proceeded to tumble down the mountain at an alarming rate of speed.

"OW! DANG! OUCH! OOF! AA! STOP IT! EEK! GAG! HACK! GAH! MOTHER!"

Fortunately for Calvin, it wasn't long before he came to the end of his journey down the hill. Unfortunately, the end just happened to be a cliff.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!!" Calvin screamed as he flew off of the cliff and fell fifty feet into a lake at the bottom.

_SPLASH!!!_

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes was sitting up in the tree house, reading a Captain Napalm comic book with the MTM by his side. He had missed the entire ordeal, and was completely unaware of where Calvin was.

Suddenly, Hobbes noticed a scratching at the tree.

He looked over the side of the tree house and saw a soaking wet Calvin climbing in the tree house towards him.

Hobbes stared, expressionlessly, as Calvin climbed in, creating a giant puddle of water as he landed inside.

He glared at Hobbes.

"I assume you lost the cookies?" He said.

"Shut up." Calvin grumbled.

"What happened?" MTM asked.

"I was making the perfect getaway with the cookies, when I suddenly ran into the stupid wagon," Calvin groaned, sitting down. "I tripped on it and fell off a cliff into a lake."

"And the cookies?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin glared at him.

"Where did the wagon come from?" MTM asked.

"I don't know," Calvin sighed. "It just appeared out of nowhere as if someone had...."

There was a short pause.

Then, Calvin's eyes narrowed.

"Socrates," He growled through gritted teeth.

"Who?" Hobbes asked.

"Socrates put the wagon there!" Calvin yelled. "When I get my hands on him....!"

"No, it wasn't Socrates, Calvin," Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at him.

"How do _you_ know?" He demanded.

"Well, for one thing Socrates and Elliot are out of town this week," Hobbes said. "Remember? He spent like an forty five minutes telling us not to get too comfortable while he was gone,"

Calvin paused.

"Oh, right." He said.

He thought for a moment.

"Well, then there's only one other logical explanation!" He said, finally.

Hobbes and MTM listened.

"We're being attacked by ghosts, again!" Calvin announced.

Hobbes and the MTM moaned.

"Alright, MTM! I want you to do a scan of the entire property and Sneer Hill for all abnormally magnetic spots and locations!" Calvin ordered.

"Alright," MTM sighed.

There was a pause.

"Done. There is one abnormally magnet spot on the property." He said.

"Ah! Good. Where is it?" Calvin asked.

"The toaster," MTM said.

There was a pause.

"I'll have Dad look into that," Calvin said.

"So it wasn't a ghost?" Hobbes asked.

"No," Calvin grumbled. "And I'm out of theories,"

"Well, Calvin, would you like my opinion?" MTM asked.

Calvin stared at the MTM.

"Sure. What do you think it was?" He said.

"I think your case is a classic example of karma." MTM said. "If you do good things, good things happen to you. If you do bad things, you end up having something totally unspeakable happen to your person."

Calvin thought about that for a moment.

"Really?" He asked.

"Oh, sure, there's even a science out on it," MTM said.

"A science?" Hobbes asked. "What kind?"

"Oh you mean karma? Sorry mate, I was thinking about something else," MTM said. "Karma is just something you put total and complete faith in."

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

"Well, what do you think, Calvin?" Hobbes asked.

"I think there may be some truth to that," Calvin considered.

Hobbes stared at him in disbelief.

"Oh, don't tell me you _believe_ it!" He said.

"Well, there's a pretty simple way to find out," MTM said. "Go do something good for humanity."

Calvin considered that.

"Yeah, I think I will," He said, finally. "I'm going to go test this little theory."

And with that, he climbed out the tree house, and raced towards the house.

Hobbes and the MTM watched him go.

"Ya know what I think?" MTM said, at last.

"What?" Hobbes asked, turning around.

"I think they're going to discover chocolate milk is the cure for the swine flu." MTM said, sounding as if he was nodding. "That stuff's going to be more precious than oil, it is,"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

* * *

Calvin then spent the rest of the day in his bedroom. He basically tore everything apart and put it back together again. He cleaned out all his drawers, he cleared off his desk and other surfaces, he made his bed, he cleaned out his closet, he put all his toys away, and so on.

When he was done, he raced downstairs and got Mom to come examine it.

"Wow, Calvin, I'm impressed," She said, looking around the room. "You put everything away."

She checked under the bed.

"Nothing's been stuffed under the bed," She stood up and looked in the closet. "Nothing in the closet, I can see you really worked hard.

"Yes well, I try," Calvin said, proudly.

"You succeed," Mom said, smiling at him. "Now I don't have to do it,"

Calvin paused.

"Here, if you wait here a minute, I'll get you something for all this trouble you went through." Mom said, leaving the room.

Calvin blinked.

About thirty seconds later, Mom returned with a plate of cookies.

Calvin's eyes burst open.

"Here you are," She said, handing him the plate. "Reward for doing such a good job without me even asking you to do it,"

"Wow! Thanks Mom!" Calvin grinned, eagerly taking the plate. "I've learned a valuable lesson!"

"That's good," Mom said, rolling her eyes and walking out.

Calvin looked down at the plate of cookies in his hands, a wide grin spread across his face.

* * *

A bit later, Hobbes came climbing up towards the bedroom. Once there, he was shocked to find Calvin sitting on his bed in his clean room munching on a cookie and reading a comic books.

"Have I missed something?" Hobbes asked.

"Of course you've missed something," Calvin said. "When are you not missing something?"

"When I'm hanging out around you?" Hobbes guessed.

"Right, now what have we learned today?" Calvin asked.

"Find someone else to hang around with?" Hobbes asked.

"Har, har," Calvin grumbled turning back to his comic book. "Anyway, the MTM was right. I got a big plate full of cookies just because I cleaned my room up and did the right thing!"

"Huh," Hobbes said, sitting down next to Calvin.

"It's even the same amount of cookies that Susie had, too! How lucky is that?" Calvin grinned.

"Can I have one?"

"And they're snicker doodles, too! How often do we have snicker doodles?"

"Can I have one of them?"

"And then there's the fact that my room's a lot more comfortable. Did _you _know my room was this big? I sure didn't!"

"I refuse to answer you until I get a cookie," Hobbes said, crossing his arms, defiantly.

Calvin sighed and gave Hobbes a cookie.

"But isn't this the greatest discovery of the century, Hobbes?" He asked, grinning at him.

"Not really," Hobbes said.

"Oh?" Calvin said, his eyebrows jumping. "And why do you say that?"

"Well, mostly because people have always known about karma," Hobbes said.

There was a pause.

"But still, it's one of the greatest discoveries _I've_ ever encountered in my life! I now have a ticket to free stuff! All I have to do is always make sure to be a little angel, and I'll always get whatever I want!"

"Sure," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"It's like Christmas, except I get paid back instantly!"

"Not necessarily," Hobbes said. "There's not really a rule book telling you how long or quickly it'll come back to you,"

"Yeah, well, even so, we still have valuable information that we mustn't ever forget!"

"Yeah, I don't think we'll forget," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"Good! I'm glad we've cleared that up!" Calvin grinned. "Because from now on this is how I'm going to be living my life!"

That night Calvin went to bed when he was told to do so. Not ten minutes afterward. Not twenty or thirty minutes after. As soon as Mom said, "Bedtime,".

Needless to say this was a major relief for her, as she tucked him into bed, performed her nightly "monster inspection" and left the bedroom, turning the light off as she did so.

The next morning, Calvin woke up bright and early. Well… It was early, at least, and he was surprised to find himself not being yelled at by Mom that he was going to miss the bus.

After a few minutes of lying in bed, Calvin finally got up, stretched, and began getting dressed for the day. He felt refreshed. He wasn't as tired as he normally was in the mornings, and there was a certain upbeat spark about his smile.

He put on his clothes for school that day, which he had carefully laid out the previous night, and climbed down the stairs towards the kitchen.

There he found Mom and Dad sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on their coffee, both evidently still half asleep.

"Morning, Mom! Dad!" Calvin said, cheerfully, walking with a kind of spring in his step as he approached to pantry to get his cereal. "Quite a lovely day isn't it?"

Mom and Dad stared at him blankly.

"Did…did we sleep in?" Mom asked, checking her watch.

"Oh, god! I'm going to be late for work!" Dad yelled, grabbing his coat off the chair and racing out the door with it.

Calvin simply grinned.

Mom looked at him unsurely.

"What are you doing up so early?" She asked, suspiciously. "I don't get you up for another hour."

"Well, early bed, early to rise does something good for you," Calvin said, pouring his cereal and reaching for the milk. "Care for some milk?"

Mom's eyes rolled into the back of her head. Calvin was getting weird on her, again.

"No thanks, Calvin. I'll stick to my coffee," She sighed.

Calvin shrugged.

"To each his own," He said, pouring the milk and beginning breakfast.

Mom sighed.

* * *

Later that day at school, Miss Wormwood was doing her usual round around her classroom, handing out grades.

Calvin was sitting straight up in his seat, grinning happily as he waited for Miss Wormwood to hand him his paper.

"Calvin, congratulations, you got an 'A'," Miss Wormwood said, handing him his paper.

"I thank you immensely, Miss Wormwood," Calvin grinned sweetly taking the paper from her. "May I also add you look lovely, today?"

Miss Wormwood concentrated on just staring straight ahead as she continued handing out the papers.

After school, Calvin deliberately let everyone else sit down in the bus before he did. He sat down near the front of the bus, and simply sat there, grinning like a lunatic.

Everyone else was incredibly unsure of his behavior.

* * *

A bit later, Calvin and Susie were both dropped off near their houses, where they both walked down towards it. Calvin a bit more happily than Susie.

"Isn't it a beautiful day?!" Calvin grinned, looking around happily. Getting a bit sickening, now, isn't it?

"Don't talk to me," Susie growled.

"The birds are singing, there are squirrels leaping from tree to tree around us, and the subtle signs of spring are starting to show!"

"Shut up," Susie grumbled.

"I'm just making innocent observations," Calvin said. "Am I not even allowed to that?"

"If you say one more word, Calvin," Susie warned.

Calvin shrugged, and they continued walking.

When they reached Susie's house, Susie angrily turned and stormed off towards her house.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Susie!" Calvin called, cheerfully, waving after her.

"Go away!" Susie spat.

Calvin shrugged, and continued on his way.

Finally, after a couple more houses of walking, Calvin finally made it to his own location of residence.

After walking merrily towards the front door, he opened it, and yelled as loud as he could, "I'M HOME!!!"

Now, before I go on, I should probably consider, do I really need to tell you what came next? I don't think I really do. I think that anybody who has read more than twelve Calvin and Hobbes comic strips can kind of assume what occurred after our hero said those two words.

**_POW!!!_**

**_  
_**There was an explosion of orange as Calvin and Hobbes both went sailing away from the door in the opposite direction.

**_CRASH!!!_**

Another explosion occurred soon afterward as Calvin and Hobbes both landed in the grass in the yard across the street.

For a moment all fell silent as nothing happened within the small crater that had just been created in the Earth.

Then, Hobbes leaped out.

"WHOO HOO!!" He yelled. "Look at that!! We cleared the street this time! I'm telling you, we're on a roll, now!!"

Calvin then came climbing out of the dirt, and dusted himself off.

"Yes, I agree one hundred percent!" He grinned, seeming to still retaining his positive attitude. "You might want to hit a bit harder, though,"

Hobbes blinked.

"Really? How come?" He asked.

Calvin glared at him.

"Because I don't think they felt the shockwave in **_SCOTLAND_****_!!!_**"

"I'll make a note of that," Hobbes grinned.

And with that, Hobbes helped Calvin up, and they both headed back towards the house.

"So how's this whole karma thing working out for you?" Hobbes asked.

"Very well!" Calvin grinned. "In fact, I'd go as far as to say it's going _quite _well! Everything is turning out perfectly for me!"

"Really?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, you bet!" Calvin said. "All I have to do is act happy and do a good deed every now and again and my life becomes perfect!"

"You don't say?" Hobbes said.

"Yep!" Calvin grinned.

"You're not having second thoughts about it?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, no." Calvin shook his head. "I have complete and unwavering faith in this. It has become my new religion Hobbes!"

"Karma is a religion?" Hobbes asked.

"It is, now. I declare myself a Karmanian." Calvin said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"And from here on in, you will see nothing but good deeds and happiness from me!" Calvin said, proudly.

"That's good to know," Hobbes said. "So, what's the current plan of action?"

"Eat dinner, do homework, take a bath, brush my teeth and go to bed," Calvin said. "Maybe watch some TV if I have time.

"I see," Hobbes said, sighing.

And with that they walked into the house and closed the door. Bringing it all to quite a happy little story. However, Hobbes was not too sure about this new Calvin.

* * *

Calvin came upstairs after dinner, feeling very good about himself.

"Guess what I had for dinner tonight!" he exclaimed.

Hobbes looked up from his comic book.

"I'm assuming it wasn't eggplant casserole," he said, looking Calvin over.

"Nothing of the sort! We had hamburgers!"

"Did you indeed?"

"Yep! And get this: the grill didn't take forever to light up! It lit just like that!"

"Fascinating."

"And so, after a good meal like that, I think I'll get started on my homework."

Calvin sat at his desk and began pulling out his papers from his backpack.

"Do you want my help?" Hobbes asked.

"No thank you," Calvin replied. "I think I got enough from Miss Wormwood's teaching to get me through it by myself, but I thank you for your offer."

Hobbes stared at him in bewilderment.

Calvin then went about his math homework, never once looking up to ask Hobbes for any help, nor to complain about the educational system trying to drain of him of his originality.

In fact, after thirty minutes of working diligently, Calvin had finished his homework.

"Done!" he said proudly, putting it away. "I think that went rather well."

"CALVIN! TIME FOR YOUR BATH!" Mom shouted from downstairs.

"OKAY!" Calvin shouted back.

Calvin got out of his chair and headed for the door.

"What, that's it?" Hobbes asked. "No yelling? No screaming? No trying to hide in the vacuum bag?"

"I'm a good boy now, Hobbes. I'm going to take my bath like a good boy."

And with that, Calvin left.

Hobbes shrugged and followed.

Calvin sat in his back, scrubbing himself with soap and playing with the bubble bath.

Hobbes sat off to the side of the bathtub so that Calvin could make conversation, as per usual.

"You know, Hobbes, this karma thing has really taught me a few things," he said.

"Such as?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, as it turns out, if I go to bed when Mom tells me to, Karma wakes me up the next day feeling refreshed and ready to face the day ahead!"

"You don't say," Hobbes sighed.

"And as it turns out, if I actually _do_ my homework, Karma gives me an 'A' for it!"

"Interesting."

"I tell you, Hobbes, this could be the best thing ever! Karma is my new favorite thing in the world!"

"Well, bear in mind, it works both ways," Hobbes said, leaning against the side of the tub.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the other day, when we tried to steal Susie's cookies, Karma put a wagon in your path and rolled you down a hill."

"Oh. Erm…"

"And then, of course, there was the time you locked Rosalyn out of the house, and then your parents grounded you for a week."

"Um…"

"And then there was the time you kidnapped Susie's doll and held it for ransom, and then _I _was kidnapped and you had to pay a ransom to get me back."

"Hey, you had your chance to get yourself out of there…"

"And then there was that whole business concerning the Noodle Incident…"

"THAT WASN'T ME! THAT WAS AN IMPOSTER!"

"Say what you will. You still had to come up with a way out of it. That story you told… Man…"

"It was the truth, I tell you! You weren't there, so you can't _disprove _it!"

Hobbes grinned teasingly.

"Just face it, Calvin, if anything, Karma is more like Santa Claus."

"How? In that they both give me stuff?"

"No. Karma is watching you."

"W-Watching me…?" Calvin asked, sinking lower under the bubbles.

"Karma knows when you've been sleeping. Karma knows when you're awake. Karma knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for your safety's sake."

"Okay, you're just trying to psyche me out."

"Then only _real _difference that I myself can see is that Santa only _really_ cracks down on you in December. Karma is a _year-round_ thing. It doesn't stop. It doesn't rest. It's always there. It's always following you. It's always judging. It's always ready. It can reward you beyond your wildest dreams, and it can punish you in more ways than one."

Calvin stared at Hobbes with wide horrified eyes for a long time.

"So…you're saying…now that I've _accepted _Karma, Karma will control me for the rest of my life?"

"That's entirely up to you. You control your own person. You can decide."

Calvin stared at the dissipating bubbles in his bath with him. He gulped nervously.

"I think I'm done with my bath," he said.

He pulled the plug at the bottom of the tub and let the water drain out. But he didn't leave the tub. He continued to sit there quietly, watching it whirl down through the drain, sitting amidst the crackling suds.

Finally, all the water was gone, and Calvin was sitting in an empty tub.

"Wow," he said quietly. "There is no more depressing act than sitting in the tub and waiting for the water to finish draining."

"Plus, I'll bet your butt is really wrinkly right now," Hobbes added.

"Yes, Hobbes, there is that, yes."

* * *

That night, Calvin got into his pajamas and climbed into bed with Hobbes. They both got themselves settled.

"Well, goodnight," Hobbes said, turning over to settle in for the night.

"Yeah, goodnight," Calvin said, not really looking at him.

Mom came in to tuck him in.

"Goodnight," she said, "and be sure to get a good sleep. It's another busy day tomorrow."

And kissing him on his forehead, she turned out the light and shut the door.

Calvin let out a weary sigh and settled in for the night.

The next day, Calvin was up bright and early again, once again feeling refreshed, and he once again credited Karma for looking after him. He climbed into the top of his dresser, opening the top drawer, and then he closed himself inside. Each drawer opened a little until he reached the bottom, emerging in his normal clothes, sans shoes, which he pulled out and started to put on.

"Time to face the day," he sighed. "A day of being good, paying attention, being friendly, and conforming to the ways of everyday society."

"Shut the door on your way out," Hobbes said with a yawn.

Calvin sighed and gathered his things. He headed out the door and downstairs.

When he got there, Mom and Dad were still half-asleep, drinking coffee, grunting, and mumbling incoherently.

Calvin entered, smiling pleasantly at them.

"Good morning!" he said cheerfully.

Dad stared at him, and then at his watch.

"Late again?!" he cried. "I need to get this thing fixed!"

And with that, he fled the room.

Mom sighed.

Calvin got out the cereal and milk, preparing his breakfast of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.

"So, what are you doing today, Mom?" Calvin asked politely.

Mom raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Um…I'm going to a book sale, and then I'm going to do some shopping."

"Ooh, sounds fun. I hope you enjoy yourself."

"Er, thanks."

Calvin finished his breakfast and picked up his backpack.

"Well, I'd better get going," he said. "See you this afternoon."

"Have a good day."

"I plan to."

And with that, Calvin was out the door.

Mom stared after him, bewildered.

"I'd better give his doctor a call…," she considered, "or my own."

* * *

Calvin walked up to the bus stop at the same time as Susie.

"What are you doing here?!" Susie exclaimed.

"I'm going to school. Why?" Calvin asked, genuinely confused.

"But…but don't you usually need someone to drag you out here?"

"Oh, I was up early enough. I should be alright."

Susie made an effort not to look at him.

"Isn't it a wonderful morning?" Calvin continued.

Susie looked at him unsurely. "Um, yes, it is, I guess…"

"Indeed, it is. Birds flying, the leaves are growing back, and there are pinecones everywhere."

Calvin then began to notice something.

There were pinecones everywhere.

Pinecones.

They were like projectiles.

Calvin found himself staring intently at one of them. It was but a few feet away.

Then he glanced at Susie, who was waiting anxiously for the bus to arrive.

All he had to was reach, grab, throw and run.

It was that simple.

So why wasn't he doing it?!

Because Karma wouldn't like that.

Hitting Susie upside the head with a pinecone? What was there to like?

Realizing he was about to lose _that _particular argument, he focused on what would happen if he did, if Karma weren't involved.

Well, Susie would be angry and upset. She might start to cry. She might try to beat him up. He'd get in trouble with his parents. He'd be grounded for awhile. Susie would despise him even more.

Wait, why did _that _one matter to him?

Racking his brain, he realized that this extreme decision-making was causing him to sweat and make a weird face.

Susie was staring at him.

"Calvin, are you okay?" she asked.

Calvin thought fast. He had to say something.

Smile.

Nod.

_DO SOMETHING!_

"You look pretty this morning."

And there it was.

The compliment hung in the air between them.

They stared at each other. Planets were born. Stars died. No one spoke. It was WEIRD!

Finally, Susie cleared her throat and spoke.

"Th-thank you…Calvin," she said, clearly taken aback.

Calvin looked frantically down the road for the bus. Thankfully, it was coming up the road. It came to a stop next to them and the door slid open.

"Well, bus is here! Let's go!" Calvin cried nervously, scampering aboard, hoping for dear life that Hobbes didn't find out about this.

Susie was still blown away by the experience and cautiously followed after him.

Needless to say, they sat far apart from each other for the rest of the day.

Calvin arrived in his classroom and sat down at his desk, trying to remain upbeat and cheerful. The effort was consuming him from within. Nevertheless, he sat down at his desk, pulled out his books and homework.

"Alright, class," Miss Wormwood said, "let's begin our class today. First, I want you all to pass forward your homework."

Everyone got out there homework and passed it ahead to the person in front of them.

Calvin collected the papers of those behind, added his own, and passed it to the student in front of him.

As the homework was collected, Calvin noticed something.

The door was still open.

Calvin felt something in his mind click.

The room seemed to morph and took a new shape.

_We rejoin our intrepid hero, Spaceman Spiff, on the Prison Planet Delta-54. Our hero has been captured by the Intergalactic Space Wardens, who plan to rob Spiff of his individuality. To make him dull and bland, so as to add more order to the universe. Never one to conform to the ways of the alien menace, Spiff prepares for his escape_…

Calvin smirked a bit and checked to see that no one was there to be in his way and stop him. He felt the itch. It was getting more and more difficult not to ignore.

_Spiff prepares his rocket shoes_…

But then, Calvin's smirk disappeared. He was just about ready to flee, but something in him stopped him from running. He looked around the room. No one could stop him. No one was paying attention to him.

Why wouldn't he run?

_Then Spiff makes a horrifying discovery. The prison's name is Karma! Karma always equips its inmates with electric shocks. One hint of insubordination and our hero will be fried to oblivion!_

Calvin looked around unsurely. He geared down a little bit and settled back into his seat.

_On the other hand, if our hero obeys the rules, he will be allowed back into society within at least eleven more years, free to do as he pleases, and possibly to reject the lifestyle they have forced upon him._

Sighing with disappointment with his new restrictions, Calvin sat up straight, smiled politely and waited to learn.

Miss Wormwood stood up and began to teach class.

"Is everyone ready?" she asked. "Let's begin. Calvin?"

Calvin didn't look startled. He looked ready.

"Come up to the board and work this math problem."

Calvin nodded and got up and went up to the board.

A math problem stared back at him.

7 + 6 =

Calvin at first felt as though everything in the world was collapsing around him. He prayed for a fire drill to come…

Nothing.

Where was Karma when he needed it?!

Then he realized. Karma wanted him to finish the problem.

Gulping nervously, he began to work out the problem from within his head.

Seven and six combined?

He started with seven. Then he began to count forwards, adding six more numbers to it. His eyes widened in shock as if he'd just uncovered a great truth.

So _that's _what addition meant to do.

He wrote the number down under the equation.

13.

Everyone stared at him.

Calvin was unaware of just how religious he'd just become as he began to internally chant prayers from various churches.

Miss Wormwood looked surprised.

"That's right," she said. "Well done, Calvin. You may sit down now."

Letting out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding Calvin walked back to his seat, sitting down heavily.

At recess, Calvin felt extra relieved to be away from everyone else. He immediately went to the swings. He enjoyed being on the swings. They allowed him to leave reality for awhile and just enjoy the isolation.

He had just jumped on and was getting ready to begin, when he felt someone grab the swing chains. He looked up and saw Moe's big ugly face glaring down at him.

"Get outta the swing, Twinky," he ordered.

Calvin didn't know what to do. He just stared at Moe with fear in his eyes, hoping someone would do something. Hoping that Karma would do something.

"Y-you can't tell me what to do, Moe," he said, hoping he _didn't _sound like a canary.

"Oh no?" Moe sneered, rolling up his sleeve.

Calvin gulped. He didn't know what to do. He decided to stand his ground. Maybe Karma would do something save him.

Maybe Moe would get incinerated by lightning or something.

**_POW!_**

Calvin found himself flying out of the swing and across the playground, landing in some mulch. He found himself grumbling and mumbling as he got up and walked away in disgust.

"Ha, ha! What a weenie!"

Calvin felt betrayed.

Where was Karma? He'd been working his socks off, hoping something good would come from it, but now there was nothing!

At least, that's what he thought at first…

Later that day, Calvin was at his locker, getting his things ready to go home. He was grumbling still, considering taking his frustrations out on Susie by throwing that pinecone after all.

But then he heard someone walking up behind him. He half-heartedly thought it was Susie, and he prepared himself to go into a blistering insult.

But it wasn't Susie.

It was Moe. He was glaring at him.

And Miss Wormwood was standing over him, looking very stern.

At first Calvin thought he was in _big _trouble. He pressed himself up against his locker, bracing himself.

"OKAY, YOU TWO! JUST DO IT! GIVE MY LOVE TO MOTHER!"

Miss Wormwood sighed and nudged Moe's back.

"Say it, Moe," she said sternly.

Moe seemed to be growling as he seemed to struggle to get the words out.

"Calvin…I'm…_sorry_…I pushed you out of the swing," he grunted. "It'll never…_happen…again_…"

Calvin stared at Moe incredulously.

Did Moe just _apologize_?!

Did Miss Wormwood just _make him_?!

At first, he wanted to mock Moe mercilessly, but then he found another way to enjoy this.

"That's okay, Moe," Calvin said sweetly. "I'm sure you were only expressing yourself."

Moe grumbled.

"Well, he'll be 'expressing himself' for the next week in detention," Miss Wormwood said. "Off you go, Moe."

Moe glared at Calvin and stormed away towards the Principal's Office.

"But Miss Wormwood…? How did you know?" Calvin asked.

"Susie saw what happened on the playground and she alerted me to it. I'll see to it Moe behaves himself in future."

And she left.

Calvin stared in shock.

"Wait…Susie… _What?!_"

Calvin didn't know what to think. He had been nice to Susie and did his homework for Miss Wormwood, and Karma had sent them both to his rescue when Moe attacked him. Or maybe, Karma had been punishing Moe as well.

Smiling slightly, Calvin looked up to the ceiling.

"Nice work, Karma, nice work," he grinned.

And with that, he left the hallway and headed for the bus.

The bus dropped Calvin and Susie off at their corner, and they walked down the walk for awhile.

"Um, Susie," Calvin said, feeling rather awkward now.

"Yes?" Susie asked, looking at him.

"Er, Miss Wormwood told me about what you did, and…," he was finding this _way_ too difficult; "…I just…wanted to say…_thanks_."

Susie smiled a little bit.

"It's okay," she said. "Moe shouldn't do that anyway."

Calvin found himself straining again. He looked around, trying to figure out what it was that was tormenting him.

It was a mud puddle.

It was lining the sidewalk.

It was the goopy sticky mud that took forever to get out of your clothes.

He glanced at Susie, who was looking straight ahead.

Just one scoop, followed by one throw, followed by him hoping a truck to Mexico…

That's all it would take.

But Karma wouldn't like that.

This was getting more and more dangerous for him. He could feel the sweat pouring down his face. Why was he like this?

Susie finally seemed to notice he was at unease.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"F-fine! Wh-why do you ask?!" Calvin replied, a little too loudly.

"Well, you don't look so well."

"Oh, I'm just feeling a little tired. I need to get home and relax."

Thankfully, Calvin found himself standing in front of his walk.

"Well, thank you for the company, Susie. See you later!"

And he fled back up the walk towards his house.

Susie watched him nervously before carrying on towards her house.

Calvin tore up along his walk, scurried around the corner and up the steps to his door.

"I'M HOME!" he shouted.

**_WHAM!_**

Hobbes naturally flew out of the door and grabbed Calvin, and they both landed in the yard, kicking up dirt.

"WELCOME HOME!" Hobbes cheered happily.

"Er, thanks," Calvin said, feeling a little better.

"Come on! We've got stuff to do! Games to play! Let's go do something on Sneer Hill!"

"Like what?"

"Who cares?! Let's just do something!"

Calvin thought about this. He had homework to do. What would Karma want?

That question was really beginning to bug him.

All this being nice just for good things to happen to him? It was tearing him apart inside. It didn't feel natural. He was forcing all this good out of himself and for what? Free cookies? Good grades?

Sure, Moe getting detention had been pretty sweet, but that's just one thing.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized just how much other people probably wanted him to do this.

Heaving a sad sigh, he looked Hobbes in the eyes.

"I can't. I have homework."

Hobbes' face fell like a ton of bricks.

"No games?" he asked. "But I want to play a game!"

"Then go play a game. You've got time. I've got homework to do. Then I need to have dinner, take my bath and go to bed."

"Are you sure?"

"It's what Karma wants from me."

"But… But… We… But we need to have a GROSS meeting today too! Remember? We scheduled one for today."

Calvin considered this.

"GROSS was founded on the basis that girls are gross. It's just a club we formed to be mean to girls!"

"_You_ formed it on that! I just wanted to be in the club!"

"Exactly. That's why, Hobbes, I've decided…"

Calvin paused. These next words would be hard.

"…to resign my post as Dictator-for-Life."

Hobbes' jaw dropped open.

"WHAT?!" he screamed.

"I'm sorry Hobbes, but I can't do that stuff anymore! I've got to follow Karma. It's the only way I'll feel good!"

"And how do you feel now?" Hobbes demanded angrily.

"I feel great!" Calvin retorted, not exactly feeling it. With that, he stormed back into the house.

Hobbes grumbled through hurt and indignation.

"He is _so _sleeping on the roof tonight!" he grumbled.

Later that afternoon, Calvin was finishing up his homework for the day. He'd put his all into it. He was just finishing up when Dad came in.

"Ah, Calvin," he said. "I need you to do something for me."

Taking a deep breath, Calvin turned around and faced him. "Yes?" he asked.

"I need you to pick up sticks in the yard for me so I can mow the lawn."

Calvin gulped. Karma was playing with him. Making him work.

"Uh…sure, Dad, I'll do it."

"Good. Get started. I'll check on your progress in an hour."

And he left.

Calvin gulped nervously.

Calvin didn't know why picking up these sticks was playing on his nerves. If anything, it was a normal chore. Not really difficult.

But he had to resist the urge he was a pirate. He had to hold back the urge to throw them up in the air to try and catch them. He had to resist the urge to knock things over with it.

The task was too tempting.

"Be good… Be good…," he muttered to himself. "Don't mess it up. Don't do something bad. Karma will get you… Karma will _kill_ you… Don't falter! Just _do it_!"

"Calvin?"

"ACK!"

Calvin dropped the sticks he was carrying and saw Susie standing behind him.

"Oh, Susie, hello!" he said, forcing out every bit of cheerfulness he had.

"Are you okay?"

"Never better! Thank you for asking!"

Susie remained unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

"Definitely!"

"Well, you've just been looking rather…_drained_ lately."

"Oh, it's nothing! I assure you! Everything's wonderful! It's fine! IT'S FINE!"

Calvin continued to look at her with a crazed look on his face.

Susie continued to stare at him.

"No, you're not."

Calvin felt his legs give out from under and collapsed in the grass.

"No, I'm not," he muttered.

"What's happened? Why are you trying to be so nice?"

Calvin looked her in the eye.

"Karma."

Calvin went into the sad story of how he'd discovered Karma. He talked about how he was determined to follow Karma, and how he was determined to be good for want of a good life. He talked about how this grew from wanting material things to wanting Karma to not harm him.

"So…," Susie said after awhile. "This whole thing arose from an intense fear of Karma?"

"Yes."

"But Calvin, look at what it's doing to you! You can't live like this!"

"What, by being nice to everyone?"

"Exactly! Calvin, you live by your own rules! You make things up! You create! You destroy! You tease temptation! You do all sorts of horrible things, most of them to me, yes, but then there are days you do good all on your own! You shouldn't let something like Karma run your life! You need to be rude and nasty and gross and weird, so that you can be good on your own accord."

Calvin stared at her in amazement. For the first time in his life, he felt a newfound respect for Susie.

"So…you're saying I should forget Karma, and live my life the way I choose?"

Susie sighed. "At the risk of my own life, yes."

Calvin then began to feel different.

The heavy weight in his chest began to lift.

"Thanks, Susie," he said, getting up. "I appreciate this."

Susie nodded. "You're welcome."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something I need to do."

Calvin gathered up the sticks and carried them away.

Susie watched him leave.

Hobbes was sitting on the bed, quietly reading a comic book. He looked up when Calvin entered the room.

"Hey, Hobbes," Calvin said.

"Hello," Hobbes replied.

Calvin entered his closet and disappeared for awhile.

Hobbes watched curiously.

Finally, Calvin emerged, wearing a mask. In his hands, he held a volleyball, a basketball, tennis rackets and a bunch of wickets.

Hobbes stared, joy beginning to make it's way into his heart.

"Does this mean…?" he asked hopefully.

"We'll have a GROSS meeting to swear me back into the club later," Calvin said. "For now, let's play a game, make up our rules and run around Sneer Hill like a couple of loons!"

"But it'll be suppertime in about fifteen minutes!"

"So?"

Calvin held out a black mask.

Grinning widely, Hobbes got off the bed, took it and put it on.

"Let's hit it!" Calvin cheered.

And they fled the room happily.

The next day, Calvin was back in class, smiling politely at everyone and sitting upright.

Miss Wormwood stood up before the class.

"Okay, everyone, take out your homework and pass it forwards."

Calvin went about his business, passing his homework forwards with the rest of the papers.

As Miss Wormwood was gathering it up, however, Calvin immediately checked his surroundings.

It was all clear.

"Alright, class, let's begin," Miss Wormwood was saying. "We'll start with Math today, and then we'll—"

"**_SPIFF ESCAPES_!**"

Calvin's desk was toppled over as Calvin leapt over all the desks that stood between him and the doorway. He fled down the hallway and vanished.

"_CALVIN_!" Miss Wormwood shouted, chasing after him.

Everyone watched incredulously as Calvin and Miss Wormwood disappeared.

And yet, Susie couldn't help but smile.

"He's back," she said, grinning at Candace.

* * *

Calvin fled the building and flew out the doors.

_Our hero, having finally disabled Karma's electric bands, escapes the prison and heads for his spaceship._

Once behind a bush, Calvin pulled out his Hypercube and pulled out his cardboard box. Pocketing the cube for later, he started up the box and took to the sky.

_What a triumphant escape! Our hero tears across the galaxy and heads back towards his base._

He landed the box at his house in the backyard, placing it safely under the treehouse.

Hearing the noise, Hobbes looked outside and saw him.

"Hey, you're back early!" he said, climbing down from the bedroom window.

"Yep! Come on! Let's go look through the swamps and find something gross to dump on Susie when she gets home!"

"Wheeee! I love it when you're home early!"

And they dove into the woods just as Mom received a phone call.

"Hello?" she asked. "Speaking… **_HE WHAT?!_**"

**THE END**

**Voice Work****:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon **Calvin / Spaceman Spiff**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes**  
Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom**  
Bill Murray **Dad**  
Dakota Fanning **Susie**  
EG Daily **Moe**  
Mary Jo Catlett **Miss Wormwood**  
Norman Lovett **MTM

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Forecast for Disaster


	26. I'm Partially in Love With You

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**I'm Partially in Love With You  
**

It was quickly becoming Valentine's Day on planet Earth, and as was the norm in this little neighborhood, a certain young boy had a lot to say about it.

Calvin was grumbling through the streets, his blue jacket zipped up and his long scarf flapping behind him. He was watching people go through the usual Valentine's Day rituals.

People were carrying bouquets of flowers, carrying heart-shaped boxes and making dinner reservations on their cell phones.

It was making him sick to his stomach.

Shaking his head, he entered his house.

Hobbes was up in the bedroom, reading a comic book.

Calvin entered, and as he undid his jacket and put his scarf away, Hobbes looked up.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked.

"I'll tell you what's wrong!" Calvin complained. "Valentine's Day is coming up, and it's making me want to puke!"

"Well, do it outside. Last thing I need is your mom complaining about new stains on the floor."

Calvin glared at him.

"You never seem to grasp the severity of these situations like I do," he noted angrily.

"Severity? No. Silliness? Yes."

Calvin grumbled and sat at his desk.

MTM was sitting on the desk.

"Morning, Cal," he said.

"Meh," Calvin replied, pulling some paper out his desk drawer.

"How you feeling, mate?"

"Meh."

"I'm sorry. I'm sure it'll get better."

Calvin simply nodded, pulling out a pair of scissors.

"What are you doing?"

"Starting the Valentine's Day tradition of the Calvin household," Calvin replied.

"He's sending his annual hate Valentine to Susie Derkins," Hobbes said, not looking up.

"Black heart with a bunch of dead flowers, as per usual," Calvin said.

"You sure go the extra mile for the girl you hate so vehemently," MTM commented.

"It's the thought that counts."

"And the thoughts attached to this Valentine are…?"

"Hatred."

"Ah."

Calvin started to cut the black paper into a heart shape.

"What really gets to me is how mushy these idiots get around this time of year," he said as he worked. "Reciting poems, making presents, buying candy, and don't get me started on those edible underpants! I don't know _what _their deal is!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes around and coughed into his hand.

"Why do they make so much hype on Valentine's Day, anyway?! People don't only fall in love on that day! It happens everywhere, everyday, 24/7! Why all the emphasis on February 14th?!"

"It's an interesting holiday, Valentine's Day," MTM sighed. "I was in love once."

"You?!" Calvin asked, looking at him in surprise. "When?! You've lived in our house all your life!"

"She was a ZX-81 computer," MTM sighed. "It ended in tears. Should've seen it coming. All my friends warned me. She was cheap. She was stupid. And she wouldn't load. Well, not for me, anyway."

Calvin looked at him strangely.

"What friends?" he demanded.

MTM didn't reply.

Calvin sighed and resumed his arts and crafts.

* * *

The next day, Calvin arrived at school.

It was now only three days before Valentine's Day.

The entire school was decorated with red, pink and white hearts that hung from the hallways and ceiling.

"I think I may have a heart attack," he muttered. "No pun intended."

He walked up to his locker and started to take things out of it. Susie was already at the locker a few down.

"Look!" Susie said, looking down the hall.

Calvin looked up and then saw that someone was walking up the hallway he'd never seen before.

"Who's that?" Calvin asked, furrowing his brow.

"It's the new kid from California," Susie said, grinning widely.

The kid certainly looked like a Californian. He was a little taller than them. He was wearing a gray open shirt with matching pants that had white stripes going down the sides of the legs. Underneath was a blue t-shirt, and around his neck was a gold medallion. He also had something interesting in his hair.

"Is…is that kid wearing _hair gel_?" Calvin asked in disbelief. "What is he, _seven_?!"

"Oooh," said Susie. "An older man."

Calvin looked at her funny.

The kid walked past them. He noticed Susie. He pointed at her, winked and grinned. Then he carried on his way, as if nothing had happened.

Susie seemed to melt.

Calvin stared at the kid as he left.

"Who does he think he is?! The Fonz?!" he demanded.

"I think he's cool," Susie snorted, and she set off for class.

"Fortunately, you're a girl, and in this country, your opinion hardly matters," Calvin said sharply.

Susie ignored him and went to class.

Calvin glared at her, then glared at the kid, and then ran to class.

* * *

Hours passed, and soon Calvin had forgotten about the new kid. It wasn't until the students were out and about on the playground during recess that he entered Calvin's mind again.

He noticed it from the swing. He could see the new kid standing casually on the blacktop, watching a kickball game. He was now wearing a pair of sunglasses, enjoying the sun.

Before he could concentrate on swinging on again, however, he then saw Susie walking towards him. She was all smiles and giggles and such.

Calvin couldn't stop himself from watching. He just sort of did.

He watched Susie, talking to him, looking shy and giggly and twirling her hair around her finger.

He'd never seen her like this before. She was usually such a feminist. It looked so demeaning!

He continued to watch them converse. He mostly shrugged and nodded while she jabbered on and on.

Finally, Calvin unintentionally brought the swing to a stop so he could see what was going on a bit better.

Susie and the new kid had finished talking at last, and Susie giggled again and waved goodbye, skipping off to rejoin her friends.

Calvin looked confused as heck.

Just then, the big idiotic mass that is Moe came lumbering up to him.

"Hey, Twinky," Moe said in his dumb voice. "Get out of my swing!"

Calvin looked up, startled.

"Forget it, Moe," he grumbled. "There are plenty of other swings you can use."

"I want yours," Moe said, pointing his oversized finger at him.

"Why don't you _make_ me?"

Calvin couldn't recall afterwards just _how_ Moe made him, but he did. It must've been with brute force because Calvin then found himself yards away from the swings, bruised severely and little stars flying around his head.

"Such a persuasive debater," Calvin moaned, holding his head in agony.

Then he saw Susie talking to Candace nearby.

Deciding to see if he could get some information, he scurried over towards the bushes that were conveniently behind the two girls.

"So what's his name?!" Candace asked eagerly.

"He's Don Wilson," Susie said, still giggling. "He is _so_ adorable!"

Calvin suppressed a snort. _Probably not the look he was going for_, he thought.

"I think he likes me!" Susie added. "We talked a lot!"

Calvin's eyes snapped open in shock and he stared at Susie. Deciding that was all he needed, he scampered away as fast he could.

"Susie has a crush on the new kid?!" he cried. "How the heck…? What gives?!"

He looked around for Don, but he couldn't see him anywhere.

"My mission is clear!" he said decisively. "I must find Don Wilson and warn him of slimy girl that has fallen in love with him!"

* * *

A few more hours later, it was lunch time.

Calvin entered the cafeteria, his bag lunch in hand, and he searched the giant room.

_Spaceman Spiff finds himself in the prison rec room. Forced to serve a two year sentence, our valiant hero must find the senior-ranking spaceman sharing said sentence and escape with him._

Calvin observed the students intermingling at the tables and in the lunch line.

_Our hero begins the search for his target._

Calvin began his search.

_The prison complex is a sprawling gathering of hideous, insane space criminals, the occupation number being nearly five thousand. This search may not be an easy one. It's a process that could drag out for days at a time, especially if the target is lying low._

Calvin saw something shine out of the corner of his eye.

_Luckily, he is not._

Calvin had seen Don's hair gel glisten in the lights of the cafeteria. He was leaning against the vending machine, looking cool.

"Bingo," Calvin said, heading towards him.

Checking his surroundings to make sure Susie wasn't around, Calvin slunk over towards Don.

"Excuse me," he said. "You're Don Wilson, right?"

Don didn't even look up.

Calvin cleared his throat and waved.

"Don? Hello? Fellow student wishes to communicate," he said.

Don finally looked up.

"What do you want?" he asked.

Calvin went closer.

"Listen, I don't mean to be an alarmist, but I fear that someone is about to make your life a never-ending nightmare," he whispered.

Don raised an eyebrow.

Calvin thought that his lack of sarcastic remarks was a good sign, so he continued.

"There's this girl, you see, her name is Susie. I really think she—"

"Gimme your money."

Calvin looked around. At first he thought Moe had come back for more.

Then he realized that wasn't Moe's voice. It had been Don.

"I beg your pardon?" he asked, confused.

"I said, gimme your money, spikes," Don ordered, looking angry.

Calvin looked stunned, but he regained his composure and looked annoyed.

"No," he said firmly.

"Gimme your money or I'm gonna pound ya," he said, pounding his fist into his hand.

Calvin glared at him.

"No," he said, crossing his arms.

Calvin thought he was safe. They were in a crowded cafeteria. Don couldn't beat him up in this crowd.

He was wrong.

Don immediately grabbed Calvin by the collar and dragged him behind the vending machine.

"Hey!" Calvin shouted.

He went to scream for help, but Don promptly punched him in the face and knocked him down.

**_POW! SHOVE!_**

Calvin fell down on his back, taken off guard, and his money fell out of his pocket.

Don immediately picked it up and left him there.

Calvin was stunned.

"What the hey…?" he said, dazed.

When he emerged from behind the vending machine, his money had already been spent on a candy bar by Don, who was eating it coolly.

Just then, Susie walked past.

"Hi, Don…," she said in a singsong voice.

Don nodded slightly, but said nothing in response.

Susie giggled and left.

Calvin stared at her.

"How was _that_ attractive?!" he demanded.

Don glared at him and left.

Calvin groaned.

"It's almost like a movie sequel," he muttered.

* * *

That afternoon, Calvin got off the bus, and he grumbled his way up the steps towards his house.

"I'M HOME!!" he yelled, opening the door.

**_POW!_**

Calvin and Hobbes sailed through the air and landed in the yard.

**_BASH!_**

They rolled around on the ground for awhile until Calvin finally kicked him through the air, taking him by surprise.

"Whoa!" Hobbes cried.

Socrates was coming down the sidewalk when…

**_WHAM!_**

…Hobbes landed on him.

The two tigers lay on the ground, dazed and surprised.

"What was all that about?" Socrates asked.

"I think Calvin just released his rage," Hobbes replied.

Calvin was already stomping back upstairs towards his room.

Hobbes and Socrates hurried after him.

Calvin removed his coat and flopped back on his bed angrily.

Hobbes and Socrates entered and looked down at him.

"Hard day?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin nodded, glaring at the ceiling.

Socrates followed his gaze.

"Is that ceiling giving you lip, Calvin?" he teased.

Calvin whipped his angry glare over at Socrates.

"Be afraid," Hobbes whispered.

Socrates nodded nervously.

Calvin rolled over onto his stomach, facing the other way.

MTM was on the desk.

"Hard day today, Calvin?" he asked.

"Oh, this day has qualified within the top twenty-five bad days in the entire history of bad days! It was as if I was getting a root canal while listening to the Muzak version of Barbara Streisand!"

"Ouch," said Hobbes.

"Wait," said Socrates. "Isn't _all _Barbara Streisand's stuff considered 'muzak'?"

"So what happened?" MTM asked.

"Well, there's this new kid at our school," Calvin grumbled. "His name is Don Wilson. He's this rich kid, and he's a real jerk. At lunch today, he took my money and beat me up!"

"Whoa," said Hobbes. "That sounds rough."

Socrates pondered.

"What was his name?" he asked.

"Don Wilson. Why?"

"Huh. I _thought _it sounded familiar. I think I might've met him once."

"How? He just moved here from California!" Calvin cried.

"Ah-ha! That confirms it!" Socrates grinned. "Elliot and I traveled with his parents to California for some conference a few months ago, and we met the guy that his dad works for, Jeff Wilson."

"Let me guess," Calvin sighed. "Jeff Wilson is Don Wilson's dad."

"Correct. Anywho, we had to go play the kids the employees brought with him, and we met Don Wilson. Spoiled little brat, if you ask me! Product of a late marriage. He tormented the staff at the resort. He tripped the bellhops; he played Catch with Cream-of-Wheat…"

"He hasn't improved much," Calvin muttered.

"Yeah, we pretty much avoided him when he let the lobsters in the fish tank lose," Socrates said, nodding.

"And it gets worse!" Calvin continued. "Susie has a crush on him!"

Hobbes and Socrates stared at him, eyes wide.

"Seriously?" Hobbes asked, stunned. "She has a crush on that _jerk_?"

"She doesn't know he's a jerk, and she keeps getting all dumb and giggly around him. It makes me sick!"

"Look, Calvin, if you need help, you can count on us to back you up," said Hobbes.

"Yeah, you bet," said Socrates, pulling out a pair of boxing gloves and going into a fighting stance. "Let me at 'im! LEMME AT 'IM!!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"No way," he grunted. "I'm gonna handle this myself."

"You sure?" MTM asked. "We'll deck him a good beating, we will."

"I'll be fine," Calvin said assuredly.

* * *

**_POW!_**

Moe punched Calvin off the swing again.

* * *

**_BASH!_**

Don punched Calvin out and stole his money.

* * *

**_BLEAH!_**

Susie was looking dreamily at Don while Calvin could only watch angrily.

* * *

Calvin stormed into his room the next day and flopped out on his bed again, nursing a black eye, a bandaged arm and a sick stomach.

Hobbes, Socrates and MTM were waiting for him.

"Well…?" Hobbes asked, raising an eyebrow.

"…_help_…," Calvin whimpered, collapsing on the floor.

Socrates got up.

"Fear not, Calvin," he said determinedly. "We'll get this Don Wilson or die trying!"

Calvin stared at him.

"Socrates, why are you being nice to me?" he demanded.

"Nobody messes with my pigeons but _me_!"

Everyone sighed.

* * *

Calvin nervously stood at the bus stop the next day, looking over his shoulders as if he thought Don was going to jump out at him from the bushes.

Hobbes and Socrates were sitting in a tree nearby. Socrates was holding the MTM.

"Hobbes to Calvin," Hobbes whispered into a small walki talki. "Do you read me?"

"Loud and clear, Hobbes," Calvin whispered into a small microphone which had been attached to his shirt collar. No, I have no clue where he got it. "How goes the monitoring?"

"Without any flaws," MTM said, cheerfully. "Mr Wilson is currently still at his house. The school bus is approximately two miles away from you, right now."

"Good, and you have this walki talki souped up, now right?" Calvin said, tapping the microphone.

"Yep," MTM said. "It has a 17 mile transmition range, now."

"We'll keep up with you, Cally! Fear not," Socrates grinned.

Calvin rolled his eyes. Just then, he spotted Susie coming down the sidewalk, towards him.

"Alright guys, shut up for a while, Susie's coming." He whispered.

"Roger!" Socrates said through the microphone.

"No, no! Shut up, now!" Calvin hissed into the microphone.

"Don't worry, Calvin, we have everything under control!" Hobbes replied.

"Shut up!!" Calvin silently screamed.

"Sure, OK, we get the message," Socrates said.

"If you two don't shut up I'm going to....."

"Who are you talking to, Calvin?"

Calvin looked up.

Susie was standing over him, staring at him, blankly.

It was then that Calvin realized that he was hunched over, his back to Susie, holding his shirt collar up to his mouth.

"Uuuh... Nothing. Nothing at all," he said standing up.

"You ever notice how surly he is in the mornings?" MTM asked through the microphone.

Calvin slapped his hand over his shirt collar.

Susie rolled her eyes, and turned around.

At that moment the bus came up, and stopped before the two kids.

Susie was the first to climb aboard. Calvin tossed a glance up at the tree Hobbes and Socrates were hiding in, and followed.

Just as the bus pulled away, Hobbes and Socrates dropped out of the tree, and landed on top of the bus, Socrates still holding the MTM.

* * *

"Good morning, class," Miss Wormwood said, walking into the classroom. "As you all know, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so I thought we'd begin the day by doing a little bit of arts and crafts,"

Calvin groaned, loudly.

Miss Wormwood turned and glared at him.

Calvin sat innocently in his chair, acting as if nothing had happened. Miss Wormwood decided to ignore him.

"If you all check your desk you'll find some red construction paper, scissors and a pen." She said. "You can do whatever you'd like with it for the next half hour."

Calvin rolled his eyes.

He opened his desk and found some red construction paper. Makes sense, huh?

Susie immediately went to work on her paper heart, folding the paper in half, and cutting a heart out of it in order to make a little Valentine's card.

Other kids opened up their desks and got to work, too. The sound of paper crumbling, scissors slicing and pens writing filled the classroom.

Calvin simply stared at the contents of his desk. The seconds past. Finally, Calvin took his tools and went work.

I need not go into detail about what Calvin made with the 30 minutes he was given. I will say it had absolutely nothing to do with hearts or Valentine's Day and that it made Miss Wormwood's eyes roll into the back of her head when see saw it.

* * *

Later that day, Calvin was on the swing set, watching Don with all his intention.

He was standing off to himself, watching some kids playing basketball, and overall just acting "cool".

Susie walked past him, waved and smiled. Don nodded at her, and Susie went giggling away.

Calvin felt sick.

He continued sitting in the swing watching Don, when suddenly, something big, hairy, and quite dumb stepped in front of him.

Calvin was taken aback by Moe's sudden appearance.

"Get out of the swing, Twinky!" Moe growled at Calvin.

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side. He spotted Hobbes and Socrates watching him and Moe from some bushes nearby.

Instead of doing the sensible thing and getting out of the swing, Calvin decided to test his luck.

"Hey, Moe, just out of curiosity, did you hear about that new kid, Don Wilson?" He asked.

Moe stared at him.

"You see, lately he's been taking over the lunchroom by beating small kids out of their lunch money. You know how you usually do it!"

Moe stared at him.

"I must warn you that this Don may be trying to intimidate you, so he can take over the school! It's true! Today it'll be the lunchroom, tomorrow the playground, and you'll be out of a job!"

Moe stared at him.

Calvin paused.

"Well, you know, it happens all the time on those movies about High School. Some smart elec kid comes in and starts taking over, and the big dumb bully ends up saving the day!"

Moe stared at him.

"And, uh, I always figured you wanted to stay on the top so I thought you might want to go have a little talk with little Donald over there," Calvin pointed at Don.

Moe followed his finger.

He stared at Don for three whole seconds before turning back to Calvin.

"Get out of the swing," He repeated.

Calvin stared at Moe for a long moment.

Clearly the boy had no interest in his social status, just as long as he could continue pushing people out of swings.

He tossed another glance over at the bushes.

Hobbes and Socrates were still watching him.

He turned a sly grin back onto Moe.

"Moe, I must warn you that today I've come to school fully armed and prepared for any form of physical abuse. I have the entire playground surrounded by trained rottweilers, just waiting for my order and....."

**_POW!!!!_**

The next thing Calvin knew, he was laying a good five hundred feet away from the swing, watching the checkers and stars flying around his head.

A voice came in on the microphone on Calvin's shirt collar.

"Calvin! Come in, Calvin! Do you read me?! Calvin?! This is Hobbes! Are you hurt?!"

"What do you think?" Calvin muttered trying to pull his face out of the dirt.

"Sorry about that, Calvin," Socrates said over the microphone. "We thought you only wanted us to help you with Don."

Calvin growled to himself and stood up.

After brushing himself off, we went back to his activities, trying to avoid both Don and Moe.

* * *

The day went on. Soon it was time for lunch and Hobbes, Socrates and the MTM were ready. Well, sort of.

"Alright, do we all know the plan?" Socrates asked, checking his surroundings. The MTM had teleported them into a locker.

"I think so," Hobbes said, looking around also. "Find Don and improvise, right?"

"Good," Socrates nodded. "That's the plan. Let's make sure we all understand it's complex nature before we set it in action!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes and the MTM sighed.

"How long did it actually take you to come up with the plan?" MTM asked. "A tenth of a second?"

"Oh, I'm sorry did you have a better plan?" Socrates said, stiffly.

"I'm a super computer," MTM said. "In the time it took you to decided to make this all up as we go, I shifted through every single possibility for what could happen in the next fifteen minutes,"

"Oh, really?" Socrates scoffed. "And what did you find?"

"That every possible way to deal with this would fail in some way or another except for one of them," MTM replied.

Before Socrates could reply, the lock on the door clicked, and the locker door flung open.

Hobbes and Socrates froze.

A brown haired teenage girl stood outside the locker. She stared at the two stuffed tigers and the red portable CD player on the floor.

There was a moment of silence.

Then, she looked around to see if anyone might have put them in, rolled her eyes, put some text books away, and walked away, slamming the door in the process.

_CLANG!_

There was another pause.

"Huh," MTM said. "I think I teleported us into the high school by accident."

Hobbes and Socrates glared at him.

"Super computer indeed," Hobbes sighed.

* * *

Calvin looked over his shoulder. Hobbes, Socrates and the MTM were nowhere in sight.

Gulping, he headed into the crowd and into the cafeteria.

"Thank you," He sighed in relief, seeing that Don wasn't around.

He took his sack lunch and went to sit down.

"Well," Calvin said, sitting down next to Susie. "What a morning! You know I spent just all of last night just trying to catch my lunch for today. The squid tongues had evidentially mutated the other day and grew legs. I knew I shouldn't have put it next to my nuclear soda. Anyway, they escaped from the bag, spent several minutes throwing my lizard eyeballs at me, that's why I don't have a dessert today, and then they got into the refrigerator and started blowing raspberries on the uncooked turkey we had, and gave me a chance to grab them, but they slipped out and raced to our supply of dog toenails and started...."

Susie picked her lunch up, and moved to another table.

Calvin watched her go.

"Some people have no appreciation for adventure tales." He sighed, shaking his head.

He pulled his sandwich out and started eating.

Suddenly, a shadow appeared over Calvin. He looked up.

Don was glaring down at him.

"Time to pay up for today," He growled crossing his arms.

Calvin stared at him. His eyes frantically scanned the area for Hobbes or Socrates.

"What?" He asked, trying to buy time.

"Give your money," Don threatened. "Or do we need to go through the procedure, again?"

Calvin paused. Desperately, he racked his mind for something else to say.

"Don, did you know that quantum physics has proved that it's impossible for two things to take up the same space at the same time?" He said, finally.

Don stared at him.

"What?" He demanded.

"No really, it's true." Calvin nodded. "You can't have a DVD and a day calender in the exact same spot at the exact same time. It's impossible!" He paused. "Quantum physics proved it!"

There was another pause.

"Have you ever wondered if shoes think about us?" Calvin asked.

Don raised his fist.

"Give me your money," He growled through gritted teeth.

"Before you hit me why don't we pause to examine our purpose in life and determine what we're really here for?" Calvin asked, desperately.

Don held his fist back and prepared to throw it.

_Pop!_

Suddenly, Hobbes and Socrates appeared next to Calvin on the table.

"There," MTM said. "Are you happy now? Go ahead with your hotshot idea."

"I will," Socrates said, sticking his tongue out at the CD player.

Don froze.

"Where did they come from?" He demanded, staring straight at Socrates.

Socrates stretched a kink out of his neck and snapped his fingers.

"Ah, Don," He grinned stepping off the table. "I thought we would meet again!"

"Who are you?" Don demanded, glaring at Socrates through his sunglasses. Seriously, how does this kid see at all?

A few tables away Susie and Candace were watching Don exchanging confused glances. From what they could see, Calvin was holding a stuffed tiger up to Don, and he was backing away. Talking to the stuffed tiger, I might add.

"You don't remember me?" Socrates gasped, looking offended. "I was at that thing you went to that one time!"

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"More specifically, I'm the barbecue sauce guy." Socrates said, finally.

Don's eyes popped open with realization.

"You're _Elliot's_ tiger?!" He demanded, backing away.

"Yep-er-doodles!" Socrates grinned, madly and reaching into his pocket. "And boy am I glad to see you, Donald! It's been about four years, now, right? Is Gina still teaching those silly cheerleaders at the high school?"

Calvin opened his mouth to speak.

"She's his mother," Socrates said, turning to him.

Calvin closed his mouth.

"You get away from me!" Don threatened, backing away from the tiger. "I'm not putting up with any of your...."

"Don't you just love reunions?!" Socrates cheered, his voice and expression growing more and more insane by the minute. "We have so much to catch up on, ol' Donny!"

Socrates pulled a whoopee cushion out of one pocket and a seltzer bottle out of the other. What he planned to do with them, one can only imagine.

"Remember that game we would play with the giant bucket of Elmer's glue? The one where you were screaming from delight and joy?!" Socrates' left eye began twitching as his grin grew even wider than before. "Wouldn't you just love to do that, again?!?!"

Don stared at seltzer bottle and whoopee cushion with horror written on every inch of his face.

Then he straightened up.

"You're not going to do anything now." He said, matter-of-factly. "Not with all these people here!"

Socrates' expression remained unfazed.

"You really think so?" He asked, quickly.

Don stared at Socrates, unsurely.

The tiger's expression then grew even more insane than before as licked his lips and took another step towards Don.

"No, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Don screamed in terror, backing away. By this time the entire cafeteria was staring at him. "I won't bother you anymore, Spikes. Just don't let him near me!"

Calvin stared at Don with a confused glance.

"Uuuhh..." He began.

"I'll give you your money back! I promise! Just keep me away from that son of a..."

"And did I mention all the new forms of weird insect life that California doesn't have?" Socrates said, reaching into his pocket, again. "That's my favorite part about this place!!!!"

Don's eyes rolled into the back of his head. Dropping all of his pride, dignity, and possibly his coolness, he wheeled around and bolted off in the other direction, away from Socrates.

The entire cafeteria stared after him.

Silence filled the land.

Socrates' grin faded a little bit.

"Wow, that was hard work," He sighed, wiping some sweat from his brow.

"Socrates, I've never seen you that intensely insane." Hobbes said. "You looked like something that was just thrown into solitary confinement in a mental institution."

"Yes, well, like all the great pranksters before me, one does mellow with age." Socrates nodded. "You should've seen me four years ago when I finally got sick of the little pest. I was just trying to reenact my characteristics of back then." He thought for a moment. "Don't think I matched it perfectly, though."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged nervous glances.

"I'm so glad I didn't know you then," Calvin sighed.

"Nonsense! You would have loved me!" Socrates grinned, patting him on the shoulder.

"That was possibly one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen in my life," MTM shuddered. "I'm going to go silently throw up, somewhere."

Calvin glared at him.

"How? You're a computer." He said.

"I have a whole different life you know nothing about," MTM said.

Before Calvin could ask what he meant, Socrates cut in.

"Well, I suppose our.... my.... work is done, now. Now that Don knows that I'm around, I'm sure he'll be laying low."

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other, exchanging a brief moment of wonder on what this cat could have possibly done to Don four years ago.

Socrates picked the MTM up.

"Beam us up, Scotty!!"

"Whatever," MTM said.

**_BRZAP!_**

There was a flash of blue light and Hobbes, Socrates and the MTM vanished.

For a few seconds, Calvin just sat there, trying to figure out what had happened, then turned to the rest of the cafeteria, who was currently staring at him.

"What?" He demanded, indignantly, returning to his meal.

* * *

The next day was Valentine's Day, and Calvin was ready for it.

Armed with his black paper heart and dead roses, Calvin pushed it into Susie's mailbox early in the morning, He complained to Hobbes, they nearly killed each other over Calvin's so called 'crush' on Susie, he had to endure a Valentine's Day-themed prank from Socrates, and then he received the news.

Walking into the house, wiping the red-dyed mayonnaise of his face, Calvin took his coat off and hung it on the rack.

"This cat's obsession with mayonnaise is getting out of hand," He growled, storming up the stairs.

"Hey, Calvin," MTM said as the boy entered. "How goes your Valentine's Day?"

"Great!" Calvin grinned. "I gave Susie her annual hate-mail Valentine and she told me after seeing what a wimp Don was in front of Socrates, she completely changed her mind about him!"

"Is that what she said?" MTM asked.

"No actually she said something about him being as weird as I was," Calvin said. "But that doesn't matter, because now I'll be able to stomach my lunch from here on in!"

"Mmm," MTM said. "Anyway, did you hear the news about Don?"

Calvin stared at him.

"What news?" He asked.

"He's moving," MTM replied. "Evidently, he couldn't deal with the stress of living in the same state as Socrates, so he convinced his family to move again."

"Oh, those rich people," Calvin said, waving it off. "They can never stay in one place."

There was a pause.

"How did you know he was moving?" He said, finally, turning a thoughtful glare on the CD player.

MTM ignored him.

Calvin sighed, and walked up to the window.

"Well, another Valentine's Day has come and gone," He said. "Thank god for that,"

"Yes," MTM said. "It was getting a little stressful for me,"

"Agreed," Calvin nodded.

"But one should defiantly stop to appreciate the magic of love on this particular day of the year," MTM noted. "Just think of all the people out there who are falling in love every day, becoming couples, going out on dates and whatnot. Then there are those poor dopes who fall in love with actors and actresses all the time."

Calvin stared at the MTM with a confused expression.

"Lusting and yearning to be with someone that a whole bunch of other people already of crushes on. Which is kind of silly when you stop and think about it. And then of course, there's the selected few that fall in love with dancers and talk show hosts. Then there are those really weird people that fall in love with cartoon characters, which is even more ridiculous than falling in love with an actress. Then there's...."

"You're kind of moving off-topic, here, MTM," Calvin said.

"Yeah, just about," MTM said.

"As far as I'm concerned Valentine's Day is a overrated holiday that was invented by some weird Star Wars fanatic." Calvin said, turning back to the window. "There's absolutely no point to it at all."

There was a short pause in which Calvin glared out the window.

He saw two teenagers walking down the sidewalk. It was boy with short brownish hair and roundish features and a girl with long blond hair and sharp features. They were holding hands, laughing and talking with each other. They were both smiling, broadly, and had twinkles in their eyes.

Calvin watched them walking down the sidewalk.

One would see this and defiantly appreciate the magic of love. Here were two people clearly both in love with each other, being together on this Valentine's day evening. Nothing could disturb their happiness. They were both in a state of total bliss, together.

Calvin, however, missed the message.

"I'm going to go watch TV," He said, turning to the MTM. "I'm not missing _Blue Collar TV_, this week!"

And with that, Calvin rushed out of the room a look of pure determination on his face.

MTM sighed, heavily.

**The End**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segall Adlon** Calvin  
**Tom Hanks** Hobbes  
**Ryan Stiles** Socrates  
**Norman Lovett** MTM  
**Dakota Fanning **Susie  
**Lauren Tom** Candace  
**Elisabeth Daly **Moe  
**Mary Jo Cattlet **Miss Wormwood  
**Tom Kenny** Don Wilson

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Forecast for Disaster


	27. Forecast for Disaster

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Forecast for Disaster**

It was a quiet winter morning. Snow was falling over the peaceful little neighborhood.

There was a nice little pink house sitting on the far end of the street.

**_SMASH!_**

"MOTHER, STOP SMASHING! I'M TRYING TO DO THE CROSSWORDS!"

"I PAID FOR THAT PAPER, YOUNG LADY!! I'LL DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT YOU GET TO READ IT!!"

Yes, this is where Sheila Brainstorm lives with her mother, Mrs. Brainstorm.

Underneath the house is a massive laboratory where Sheila disappears to everyday with her robot, Jacqueline, either to do some work or to get away from her mother.

"MOTHER, I'M TRYING TO DO SOMETHING TEDIOUS AND RELAXING FOR AWHILE! _WHY MUST YOU RUIN THIS FOR ME_?!"

"IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT! YOU'RE ALWAYS JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND BREAKING SOMETHING WHEN YOU CAN'T FIGURE A WORD OUT!!"

"YOU'RE STILL PEEVED BECAUSE THE MILK SPOILED THIS MORNING AND THERE'S TOO MUCH SNOW TO GET MORE!!"

"_HOW CAN I HAVE MY DAILY TEN BOWLS OF CAP'N CRUNCH WITHOUT MILK?!_"

Jacqueline came up from the lab.

"Good morning!" she said cheerily.

"Good morning, Jacqueline," Sheila said, managing to calm herself down for awhile. "Don't suppose _you'd _know a four-letter word for 'multiple', would you? I asked Mother, and _she _decided to smash the coffee table!"

"WELL, MY BLOOD SUGAR'S VERY LOW RIGHT NOW!"

"Try 'many'," Jacqueline said, unfazed.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome!"

"SEE, MOTHER! EVEN _SHE'S _USEFUL EVERY FEW DAYS!"

"DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME, YOUNG LADY!"

"Good morning, Mrs. B. How are you this morning?"

"_HUNGRY!_"

"Did the milk spoil again?"

"YES!"

"Oh don't worry. I'll head out and get some!"

"GOOD GIRL!"

"Sheila, do you want anything?"

"Snickers."

"Okay. I'll be back."

And with that, Jacqueline jogged outside into the cold snow and set off for the store down the street.

Mrs. Brainstorm whipped around and glared at Sheila.

"NOW WHY CAN'T _YOU_ GO OUT AND GET MILK YOURSELF?! WHY DO YOU PUT SO MUCH FAITH IN THAT ROBOT?!"

"It's almost thirty degrees, Mother!" Sheila shot back. "AND I DO NOT! I DON'T NEED JACQUELINE DO STUFF FOR ME! I'M FINE ON MY OWN!"

"YOU ARE TWENTY-NINE YEARS OLD AND YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER!"

"EERGH! When's Dad coming home?" she demanded, folding her arms.

"_HE'S STILL AT HIS CONVENTION! HE'LL BE BACK IN A COUPLE OF DAYS!_"

"GOOD!"

Indeed, Mr. Brainstorm was someone who was usually able to quell the arguments Sheila and Mrs. Brainstorm. Whenever he went away, things always went a little crazy. Tempers flared. Furniture was thrown. Be thankful you're not a member of this family.

"NOW WHY DON'T YOU GET AWAY FROM HERE?" Mrs. Brainstorm hollered. "GO HIDE IN YOUR PRECIOUS LAB AND WASTE YOUR LIFE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH THAT WEIRD PLANT THING OF YOURS!"

"THAT _THING_ IS GOING TO BE THE THING THAT MAKES THE EARTH TREMBLE WHENEVER I APPROACH! IT WILL MAKE THE WORLD'S DEFENSES COLLAPSE! IT WILL GIVE ME UNBRIDLED POWER!"

"_IT BETTER GIVE YOU YOUR OWN HOME AS WELL!! THEN IT'D FINALLY QUIET DOWN AROUND HERE!_"

"OH, SO IT'S _MY _FAULT THE NEIGHBORS HAVE BEEN INCITED TO RIOT ON AT LEAST _TWELVE _OCCASIONS!"

"YES!"

"SO _I'M_ THE ONE WHO CATAPULTED THE DISHWASHER INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, NEARLY KILLING MRS FINCH?!"

"_YOU INFLUENCED ME!_"

"OH, SO I ALSO TOLD YOU TO SET OFF THAT BOMB UNDER THE ROAD BECAUSE THE INTERNET CONNECTION WAS DOWN?!"

"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE THE INTERNET GO DOWN IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"OH, SO YOU HAD ONE DAY WHERE YOU COULDN'T ORDER PIZZA OVER THE INTERNET! _I NEEDED THE POWER SUPPLY FOR MY DOOMSDAY MACHINE!_"

"**_STOP TAKING THIS TONE WITH ME!!_**"

"**_I'M NOT TAKING A TONE WITH YOU!!_**"

"**_YOU! ARE! TOO!_**"

Mrs. Brainstorm suddenly stomped her foot.

A large crack formed in the floor.

Sheila realized things were getting out of hand again.

"Okay, Mother, settle down," she said, trying to remain calm.

"**_WHY SHOULD I, YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT!_**"

As she said this, Mrs. Brainstorm picked up the TV and hurled it at Sheila, who dove out of the way, and it smashed into the wall, making a big hole.

**_CRASH!_**

Sheila stared at it for a moment before she picked up the hassock and threw it in the air out of frustration.

**_CRASH!_**

"**_YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!_**"

"**_OH YEAH?_**"

"**_YEAH!_**"

"**_OH YEAH?!_**"

"Erm… Hello?"

They both stopped screaming and looked at the doorway.

Jacqueline stood in the doorway holding a jug of milk.

"I…got the milk," she said unsurely.

"_IS IT WHOLE MILK_?" Mrs. Brainstorm screeched.

"Yes."

"GOOD GIRL!"

She nabbed the milk and headed for the kitchen.

Jacqueline glanced at the damage to the living room before she sat down in the easy chair.

"What happened?" she asked.

Sheila was still attempting grasp what exactly _had _happened. She finally sunk into the couch.

"I need my own place," she muttered.

"Hmmm, maybe you and your mother should get counseling."

"We don't _need _counseling."

"Sheila, the TV is jammed into the wall adjacent to the bathroom. You _need_ counseling."

Sheila glared at her.

"Fine, if you're so smart! Where do we get counseling?!"

Jacqueline pulled out a pamphlet from her pocket.

"Well, I was saving this for later but right now seems as a good a time," she said, handing it to Sheila.

Sheila took the pamphlet and glared at it, reading it over.

"Why this one?" she asked, still grumbling.

"Well, it's nearby. Only a couple states over. I'm pretty sure your mother's car could get you there."

"YOU'RE ACTUALLY SUGGESTING A LONG CAR RIDE TO THIS PLACE WITH _MOTHER_?!"

"Why not?"

"WE'D BE DEAD BEFORE WE GOT THERE!"

"Maybe not. Just stop at a few drive-thru restaurants along the way, and she'll be pretty busy."

Sheila grumbled again.

"Fine, I'll ask her," she said, getting up and heading for the kitchen.

When they arrived, they found Mrs. Brainstorm had already had five bowls of cereal and was currently working on her latest one.

"Mother…?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" Mrs. Brainstorm yelled. "I'M HAVING BREAKFAST!"

"Jacqueline says we need counseling…"

"WHAT? LET SOME STUCK-UP BOZO TEACH ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE?!"

Jacqueline took the pamphlet and looked over the panels.

"But Mrs. B, there's also a free buffet!"

Mrs. Brainstorm's glare changed to a look of disbelief.

"Let me see that!" she exclaimed, nabbing it away and looking it over. Her eyes widened at the pictures.

Suddenly, she stood up, almost knocking Sheila and Jacqueline over.

"PACK YOUR BAGS, KIDS! WE'RE GOING ON A ROADTRIP!!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at Yellowstone National Park, Dr Brainstorm and Jack were having about an average day. It was nice and quiet for once, save for the sounds emitting the big screen TV that Jack was watching in his recliner.

Dr Brainstorm was working at his workbench on his latest invention, hoping to have it done before lunch. As he was working, he heard the sound of something beeping on the control panel.

"Oh, great!" he muttered. "Who on Earth could that be?!"

"If it's a call from Vegas, I don't know anything about it and they're lying," Jack called from the TV room.

Dr Brainstorm looked at him through squinted confused eyes before shrugging and activating the transmitter.

The giant screen crackled with interference for a few moments before Mother Brainstorm's visage appeared on the screen.

"FRANKLIN!" she shouted.

Dr Brainstorm suddenly ducked behind the control panel before he peeked up over the side.

"Yes, mommy…?" he asked warily. "How are you this morning?"

"BEEN BETTER!"

"What can I do for you?"

"SHEILA AND I ARE GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR THE WEEK! SHE WANTS YOU TO WATCH JACQUELINE WHILE WE'RE AWAY!!"

Dr Brainstorm looked up nervously.

"Uh, look after Jacqueline? I, er, suppose I could. Where are you going?"

"MOTHER / DAUGHTER SEMINAR IN DENVER!"

"Oh, sounds fun, I suppose."

"THE FOOD BETTER BE AS GOOD AS THEY ADVERTISE!"

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

Dr Brainstorm stared at it for a moment before looking up at this waiting Mother.

"Mother, where are you exactly?"

"INSIDE YOUR ELEVATOR! _GOT A PROBLEM_?"

"No! No trouble! Come on in! _Jack_? Get the door, won't you?"

"Uh-huh," Jack said, getting up and heading for the door.

"Be with you in a sec, Mother," Dr B said, deactivating the transmitter.

Jack opened the door to the elevator and saw Sheila's face suddenly come about an inch away from his own.

"WHAT KEPT YOU?!" she roared.

"Hello, Sheila," Jack replied, wincing slightly.

"IDIOT BROTHER! GET IN HERE!"

Dr Brainstorm grumbled and approached.

"HERE! TAKE HER!"

Jacqueline was suddenly shoved into Dr Brainstorm's arms.

"Hi, Frank!" she said cheerfully.

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_**"

"Why don't you want to take her along?" Jack asked.

"WHAT?! BRING A _SPY _ALONG? DON'T YOU KNOW SHE'S SECRETLY SENDING EMBARRASSING PICTURES OF ME TO YOU TWO FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT?!"

Dr Brainstorm and Jack glanced over at Jacqueline, who shrugged. Rolling their eyes, they readdressed Sheila and Mrs. Brainstorm.

"WE GREATLY APPRECIATE THIS, FRANKLIN!!" Mother Brainstorm howled.

"Of course, Mother, no trouble at all," Dr Brainstorm said nervously. "You enjoy the seminar!"

"Later," Jack added.

"Bye!" Jacqueline said, waving cheerfully.

"YOU BETTER MAKE LIFE A MISERY FOR HIM!" Sheila warned.

Sighing heavily, Jack activated the doors for the elevator, making them close.

"DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT THE THING I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL HIM ABOUT!" Sheila managed to shout before they completely closed.

Relieved to be rid of them, Dr Brainstorm faced Jacqueline with a raised eyebrow.

"Alright, you," he said sternly. "Normally, I'd yell at you and warn you not to touch anything in an overt display of childishness and anger, but right now, I've got more pressing matters to attend to, so it will have to wait until around 3:00."

"What are you doing?" Jacqueline asked.

"I am currently creating the very device that will give me control of the entire planet!"

Jacqueline looked around the lab.

"Where is it?" she asked.

"There!"

She looked over at the workbench and saw a small device that looked like a ham radio.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I call it: _The Weather Station_!" he cried excitedly.

"You mean like on Channel 5?"

"Yes… NO! I shall not become a lame-brained suit-wearing twit who thinks he's oh-so witty because he can make lame jokes in front of a green screen!"

"Yeah, he already did that in high school," Jack said, nodding.

"I NEEDED THE MONEY!"

"So what does it do?"

"It shall control the weather!" he exclaimed, holding his hands over his head dramatically. "BWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

There was a silence.

"Is that it?"

"No, of course not, fool!" he shouted. "You see, the theory is, if I can start attacking key locations of the Earth with the device via hurricanes, tornados, floods, etc, etc, I will be able to bring the world's defenses to the ground and take over the planet! IT'S FOOLPROOF!"

"In fact, it's Fool-Made," Jack commented.

"Oh, shut up!"

Jacqueline snickered.

Dr Brainstorm hurried over to the giant transmitting screen and activated a control that opened up a camera above the lab in Yellowstone National Park. They saw lots of people milling around, enjoying a nice sunny day. They were talking, taking pictures, ignoring the DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS signs, etc.

"Look at them," Dr Brainstorm grinned. "So innocent. So peaceful. Little do they know that in a few minutes, I shall be bombarding them with Mother Nature's tears! HA!"

Jack rolled his eyes.

Dr Brainstorm deactivated the screen and then whipped around to look at them menacingly.

"You want proof it'll work? I CAN PROVE IT CAN WORK!"

"Then make it work," Jack said, crossing his arms.

Dr Brainstorm's eyes blanked out.

"What, now?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Uh, no reason, just let me…," he trailed off; searching the device, apparently trying to make sure it was okay.

"You know, if you want, we could come back later," Jacqueline said unsurely.

"NO! IT WORKS! I'LL TURN IT ON NOW!"

Jack pulled up a chair.

"This'll be good," he commented.

Dr Brainstorm flipped a switch and began to set some dials.

"Okay," he said. "Let's see, for a quick demonstration, how about I give Yellowstone National Park a good douse from a Level 3 Hurricane?!"

"Go for it," Jack said, raising an eyebrow.

"EXCELLENT!"

Dr Brainstorm set the controls.

"What if he hurts someone?" Jacqueline asked nervously.

"He won't. Just give it time."

The Weather Station crackled and roared with noise.

"Here it comes! GET READY TO DUCK AND COVER!"

Jack and Jacqueline watched as Dr Brainstorm dove under the workbench.

"Wait for it…," Jack said.

There was a pop of electricity and a small shower of sparks flew out of the Weather Station, but after that, nothing else seemed to happen.

"Well?" asked Jacqueline.

Dr Brainstorm poked his head out from under the workbench to examine the Weather Station.

"Huh…," he said. "Hang on."

He activated the screen that looked around above the lab, and he saw that there was, in fact, a change in the weather. People were now walking around in yellow ponchos, enjoying the light drizzle of rain that was pouring down on them.

Jack rolled his eyes and Jacqueline tried not to laugh.

Dr Brainstorm whipped around again.

"Okay, so it's not perfect. Whatever! I'll get it working! You'll see!"

And with that, he set off back to work.

Jack looked over at Jacqueline.

"Soda?"

"TV?"

"Cool."

They set off for the next room while Dr Brainstorm toiled away.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were enjoying a snow-filled day at their house.

Hobbes came round to the backyard to find Calvin working on yet another snow sculpture. The snowman was a rather dilapidated figure that looked remarkably like the Elephant Man.

"What's this about?" he asked, looking it over.

"I'm making this snowman in tribute to undiscovered beauty!" Calvin replied.

"Really?"

"Yes! You have to look beyond the surface for beauty, Hobbes. You have to dig deep past the physical and take a good long look at it. You have to see the true good in not only a person, but in all other forms! You have to be willing to get to know the ugly before you pass judgment."

"Surprisingly philosophical of you."

"Thank you."

"What brought this on?"

"Someone on the bus called me an ugly toad."

"Ah."

"Thus we come to the downside: As this figure melts, it represents what will happen to those poor ugly-looking people who are constantly mocked and ridiculed. As it shown disgusted looks and intense-heated hatred for how it looks, it slowly begins to cave in from the inside. It becomes less and less until it is a mere puddle of its former self. It is wasted. A perfectly good person is destroyed and can lead to tragic consequences."

"Wow," Hobbes said. "I don't suppose you'll be taking that attitude to your mom's cooking, will you?"

"What and actually _eat_ that green mush? What are you, sick? Have you even _seen _it?!"

Hobbes sighed.

Then they heard a loud noise coming from down the street.

**_DOOK-DOOK-DOOKA! DOOK-DOOK-DOOKA! BAM-BAM-BIPPITY-BOP!_**

They looked around in confusion.

"What the heck was that?" Calvin asked.

"It sounded like drums," Hobbes said, looking around.

**_DOOKA-DOOKA-DOOKA-DOOKA-BAM!_**

"It seems to be coming from Socrates' house," Hobbes said.

"Oh great," Calvin grumbled. "What's that simpleton up to now?"

They decided to follow the noise and headed up the street a few blocks before arriving at Socrates' mansion.

**_TAM! BAMMITY-BOP-BIP-BOOM! BANG-BANG-BANG-BAM-KABAM! WHANG!_**

The noise was growing louder and louder as they approached the large mansion. Grumbling and holding their ears, they attempting ringing the doorbell.

DING, DING, DING, DING, DING…_DING…**DONG!**_

They rolled their eyes and waited.

The drumming finally ceased and a few seconds later, the doors opened.

Socrates was standing there, wearing a pair of sunglasses and a fake purple Mohawk.

"Dudes…," he said. "What's hanging?"

Calvin glared at him.

"Socrates, I take it that was you drumming?" he demanded.

"Uh-huh. Elliot got them for me."

"Why would he do that?" Hobbes asked, folding his arms. "Does he have no idea who you are?"

"My drum set is state of the art," Socrates continued. "A ride cymbal, three crash cymbals, a splash cymbal, a china cymbal, two bass drums, two mounted toms, a snare drum, a hi-hat, a throne, and it's very own cowbell!"

"Oh good," Hobbes sighed. "You can never have enough cowbell."

"I can't help but notice something in this particular area of the neighborhood," Calvin commented, observing his surroundings. "There are FOR SALE signs on a lot of these houses."

Indeed, they could see that the houses surrounding the mansion had large red FOR SALE signs sticking out their lawns.

"Pah! They know nothing of art," Socrates snorted.

"Why is banging around on a bunch of drum skins art?" Hobbes asked. "A three-year-old could bang on a tin can and you wouldn't tell the difference."

Socrates snorted.

"I don't have to put up with this. I'm wasting perfectly good drum-playing time. Good day to you, sirs."

And with that, he slammed the door shut.

Calvin and Hobbes sighed before the drums resumed.

**_BAMITY-BOOM-BAM-WHANG-BANG! BANG-A-DA-BANG-A-DA-BANG! BTIPPITY-BIPPITY-BANG! WHANG! WHANG! WHANG!_**

"Why was he wearing sunglasses in his own home?" Calvin demanded.

Hobbes shrugged and they headed away.

* * *

Back in his lab, Dr Brainstorm was working feverishly with the Weather Station. He had hooked it up to the main computer and was running a diagnostic on it. 3D pictures of it were floating across the screen, showing new bits of data concerning certain parts of it.

"Let's see," he said. "The transphasers are operating at full capacity, the H2O-a-tron is connected to the main power-breakers, the link to Wikipedia's Data Files is connected… What is _wrong _with this thing?!"

After a few seconds of trying to think for himself he decided to play it safe and looked over into the next room.

"JACK!" he shouted. "GET IN HERE!"

There was a brief pause during which not much happened.

"JACK! I NEED YOU IN HERE!"

Still no Jack.

Jacqueline came in instead.

"Hey, Frank!" she said cheerfully.

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!!_** Where's Jack?!"

"He's busy ignoring you."

"**_JACK! GET YOUR METAL BUTT IN HERE!_**"

Jack still didn't come.

Jacqueline continued to stand there, and then she noticed the Weather Station on the screen. She began to examine it.

"**_JACK! GET IN HERE! I NEED YOUR HELP!_**"

Jacqueline looked over all the data on the screen.

"**_JACK, I'M GOING TO COUNT TO TEN! ONE!_**"

"The molecular construction engine is unstable," Jacqueline said suddenly.

"That's nice. **_TWO! THREE!_**"

"It'll need an intense energy source to stabilize it," she continued.

"Yes, thank you. **_FOUR! FIVE! SIX!_**"

"If you can get a good power source, I'm pretty sure it'll start working the way you want it to."

"**_SEVEN! EIGHT! NI_** – It will?!"

"Yep," Jacqueline said, smiling.

Dr Brainstorm stared at her for a few moments before he began to think.

"Where can I get an intense power source? I need something with the utmost power!"

"Well, you could—"

"AHA!"

Dr Brainstorm opened up a new window on the screen and set about trying to find something useful in his computer files.

Finally, an image blinked onto the screen, revealing a red and chrome CD player on the screen.

"YES! I'VE DONE IT! _YES_!"

Jack finally came out of the other room.

"Done what?" he asked, sipping on his soda.

Dr Brainstorm glared at him.

"OH, SO _YOU'RE _BACK ARE YOU? WHAT WERE YOU DOING THAT WAS SO IMPORTANT?!"

"I was getting a refill."

Jack wobbled his soda to illustrate.

Dr Brainstorm grumbled.

"Prepare the rocket, Jack, we're going to steal Calvin's Electronic Swiss Army Knife!"

"You mean the MTM? Again?"

"Yes!"

"Frank, do you know how many times we've managed to steal that thing?"

"Uh…four, maybe five times?"

"Yes and what happens every time we get it?"

"Well…"

"MTM attacks you casually and you end up injured."

"OH WHO ASKED YOU?! IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME! COME ON, YOU TWO! WE'RE GETTING THAT THING BACK THIS TIME!"

And with that, he ran for the rocket.

Jack and Jacqueline shrugged and walked casually after him.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sherman was off in his lab performing some sort of experiment that he assumed was worth is time and energy. At the moment he was inserting a metal wire into a plastic ball filled with a gooey, dark green substance, apparently trying to get the wire to poke out of the other end.

"Almost there," Sherman growled, carefully pushing the wire deeper into the sphere. "Almost got it..."

A small smile crept across the hamster's face, as the wire slowly approached the other end of the ball.

Anyone care to guess what happened next?

**_BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! RAKKITA-RAKKITA-RAKKITA-RAKKITA CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! DONG!!_**

There was an explosion of gooey green liquid, as Sherman fell from his chair and landed on the floor in a heap. Now covered head to toe with whatever it was he was working with.

For a while, he just laid there, staring at the ceiling silently, listening to Socrates' little drum solo.

"Oh, how I despise cats," He growled, finally

Andy, meanwhile, was upstairs with headphones over his head, as Sherman climbed up into the living room.

"What is that cat's _problem_?!?!" Sherman screamed over the noise.

"I don't know," Andy moaned. "I notice that the snare drum seems to be his favorite one to hit, however,"

"RRRGH!" Sherman growled. "I'm going over there!"

"That's not going to do you much good," Andy said.

"I don't care!" Sherman yelled. "I'm giving him a piece of my mind!"

"He won't care," Andy said, getting up and following Sherman as he ran out the open door.

Andy and Sherman walked their way up the sidewalk up to Socrates' trembling mansion.

Andy sighed, and rang the doorbell. This surprisingly went good with Socrates' drumming.

**_DING, DING, DING, DING, DING.... DING... DONG!!_**

As soon as the sound of the bell was heard, the drumming immediately stopped.

"IT'S OPEN!!!" Socrates screamed, happily.

Andy slowly opened the door for fear that the sudden change in weight might cause the entire place to collapse.

"Jambo my dear friends!" Socrates yelled, happily, still wearing the sunglasses and fake Mohawk. "Have you come to listen to my latest masterpiece?"

"Well, considering we can hear it a mile away, no, Socrates," Andy sighed.

It was then that they noticed something very off about how Socrates was dressed.

"Socrates?" Sherman began. "Are you wearing a _kilt_?"

Andy and Socrates looked down. Socrates was indeed wearing a black kilt. He looked up at them and grinned. "Yup!" He said, insanity written all over his face.

"_Why _are you wearing a kilt, Socrates?" Andy asked.

"Well, it's so much the kilt itself but what I'm wearing _under _the kilt!" Socrates said.

There was long moment of silence. At least three stars were born and two died during it.

"Socrates," Andy began. "They are doing _wonderful _things in mental institutions, nowadays."

"No, I'm serious," Socrates said.

"So am I."

"No, you see," Socrates went on. "Under my kilt I'm wearing one of those electronic seats that are connected to the bass drum. So every time I hit the base drum, it sends a tiny electrical shock to allow me to stay up on my seat and keep from falling off!"

"Do you have fears of falling off the seat when you're drumming, Socrates?" Sherman asked, quietly.

"Well, I have been rather concerned, because I've already had a couple tom drums fall off." Socrates said.

There was a pause.

"I rocked too hard," he said, finally.

Andy and Sherman heaved deep sighs.

"Look, we just came by to tell you to tone it down, a bit," Andy said. "It's getting a little annoying."

"I'm just misunderstood," Socrates said, crossing his arms. "All drummers are. It's the price we all have to pay for being awesome."

"Will you play softer?" Sherman demanded.

"Maybe," Socrates said. "I can't make any promises though. I have a whole bunch of concert DVDs that I plan on drumming along with, and I can't be held responsible for what the other drummers chose to do with their incredible talent! I will simply blindly follow!"

Andy and Sherman's eyes rolled into the back of their heads.

"Just shut up," Sherman groaned.

"Your request has been duly noted," Socrates grinned.

"Good," Sherman growled.

"Well, we'll see you later, then, Socrates," Andy said, starting for the door.

"Very well! Until our paths cross, again!" Socrates said, saluting them as the left.

"Well, I think that should do it," Andy said. "I don't think we should have to worry about it any longer."

"What was that kid thinking getting Socrates a drum set?" Sherman demanded. "Does he not know who he is?"

"Well," Andy started. "At least we've told him he needs to stop. I'm sure he'll…"

**_BANG!! CRASH! TINKA-TINKA-TINKA! BOOM! BONG! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!! DONG!! CRASH!! BAM!! WHANG!!! WHAMITY-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP!!_**

"Or on the other hand," Andy said, solemnly.

Sherman groaned.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Denver, the Brainstorm women had finally arrived, having just left the gas station a few miles back.

As you might have assumed, neither of them were all that happy.

"I WANT TO GO TO BURGER KING!!" Sheila screeched.

"WE'RE NOT _GOING _TO BURGER KING!!!" Mrs. Brainstorm shrieked. "WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALDS LIKE ANY OTHER REGULAR HUMAN BEING!!!!"

"I DON'T _WANT _TO GO TO MCDONALDS!!!"

"TOUGH!!"

"THEN I WON'T EAT!!!" Sheila screeched, crossing her arms, and glaring out the window.

"FINE!! GO AHEAD AND STARVE TO DEATH!!!" Mother Brainstorm hollered.

People in passing cars were staring at the two Brainstorms unsurely.

"I'LL SHOW YOU!!" Sheila screamed. "I'M GOING ON A HUNGER STRIKE!"

"I COULD CARE LESS!!" Mother Brainstorm screamed.

They pulled into McDonalds' drive-thru.

"Hello, and thank you for coming to McDonalds," the voice of a teenage boy said over the intercom. "Please take some time to look over the menu and let me know when you're ready to order."

"I'LL HAVE THREE DOZEN BIG MACS, SEVEN LARGE FRIES AND FIVE CHOCOLATE MILK SHAKES!!" Mother Brainstorm screamed into the intercom. "_THE CHILD DOESN'T WANT TO EAT!!!!_"

"Will that be all?" The teenager asked, as if he gets these kinds of people at the drive thru three or four times a day.

"I WANT A HAMBURGER!!!" Sheila screamed.

"GIVE HER A HAMBURGER SO SHE'LL SHUT UP!!" Mother Brainstorm shrieked.

"Alright, then," The teenager sighed. "Your amount will be at the checkout window.

"THANK YOU!!!!"

Needless to say, it took a few minutes before Mother Brainstorm's entire order was prepared. As one could imagine, Mother Brainstorm wasn't that thrilled about waiting. After the order finally came in, they pulled out and began looking for that convention they came for.

"JAQUELINE SAID IT WAS ON THIS SIDE OF THE CITY!!" Mrs. Brainstorm screamed. "_WHERE IS IT?!?!_"

"DON'T TALK TO ME!!!" Sheila screamed, still angry for going to McDonald's.

"DON'T TAKE THE TONE OF VOICE WITH YOUR MOTHER!!!" Mother Brainstorm roared.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Sheila screamed, holding her head.

"WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE THE YOUNG DAUGHTERS WE SEE ON SOAP OPERAS?!"

"THERE'S THE TURNOFF!!" Sheila screamed, pointing at a sign on the side of the road.

Mrs. Brainstorm looked. Indeed there was a sign stationed at a turnoff saying, "_Dr Katherine F Faraday's Mother-Daughter seminar_"

Mrs. Brainstorm stared at it. Then she whipped around to Sheila. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!" She bellowed, turning the car in towards the inn that the convention was being held at.

"I'LL DO WHATEVER I WANT!!" Sheila screamed at the top of her lungs.

* * *

Meanwhile, Brainstorm, Jack and Jacqueline were all stationed near the base of Sneer Hill and the rocket was parked somewhere off in the distance.

"ALRIGHT!" Brainstorm shouted, running over to the two robots. "We will now commence our genius plan!"

"You don't think anybody saw us as we flew in?" Jacqueline asked.

"Of course not!" Brainstorm shot back. "Being a genius, I engaged the cloaking device right before we came in!!"

"Don't you think maybe we should come up with something a bit more new, for once?" asked Jack.

"What?" Brainstorm demanded. "My idea is very fresh!"

"No it isn't!" Jack sighed. "We've tried stealing that thing before and it's never worked! Don't you think we should try something else?"

Brainstorm thought for a moment.

"Jack, you may have a point, there," He said.

"Finally," Jack said, exasperated. "We're getting somewhere."

"We'll kidnap the red tailed robot and hold him for ransom for the MTM!!" Brainstorm screamed, throwing his fist in the air.

Jack and Jacqueline stared at him for a long moment.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Socrates' mansion, the newly created drummer had paused briefly to get some water. He walked into the kitchen, and picked a glass up off the counter. He stared at it for a long moment.

"Something just occurred to me," He said, suddenly, a big grin spreading across his face.

A few minutes later, Socrates had lined up at least twenty glasses of water each one filled to a different extent.

"I'm sure this will revolutionize the drumming world!" He said, excitedly, holding up his drum sticks.

And with that, he started banging away.

**_CRASH!! SHATTER!! CRACK!! BANG!! CRASH!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!!! CRASH!! SHATTER!!! BANG!!!_**

Socrates then stood back. He had just broken all the glasses and there was water all over the floor. He stared for a moment. Then he grinned.

"Wow! It sounded even better than I thought it would!" He said, excitedly.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

Socrates paused.

"USE THE DOORBELL!!" He shouted at the door.

There was a pause.

Finally, Socrates' favorite sound in the world rang out through the mansion.

DING, DING, DING, DING, DING...._DING...** DONG!!**_

"Coming!" Socrates grinned, running over to the door. He paused and prepared for a moment, just in case it was some famous musician inviting him to drum for his upcoming tour, and flung the door open.

"WELCOME STRANGER TO MY…OOF!!!"

Immediately, a gunnysack was slammed over Socrates' head.

Brainstorm dragged him down the sidewalk slowly, while Jack and Jacqueline watched from the front gate.

The mad scientist was clearly struggling with the bag.

"Something amiss?" Jack asked.

"Yes, there's something amiss!!" Brainstorm growled. "This robot weighs six tons!"

"I'm not a robot," Socrates sighed from within the bag.

Jack and Jacqueline continued to watch.

"Do you need any help?" Jacqueline asked.

"NO!!!" Brainstorm shot back. "Dr Brainstorm _never _needs help!!!"

The two robots rolled their eyes. They continued to wait.

"Well, if you must kidnap me, would you mind bringing my drum set along?" Socrates asked, hoping he sounded innocent.

Brainstorm paused. "Drum set?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm learning the percussive arts," Socrates grinned.

"Fine, fine, whatever," Brainstorm said, waving him off. "Now listen closely: I'm kidnapping you and not giving you back until Calvin relinquishes his electronic Swiss Army Knife to me! Any questions?"

"What do you want the MTM for this time?" Socrates asked.

"He wants it to charge up his weather machine," Jack said, bored.

"JACK!!" Brainstorm screeched. "THAT WAS TOP SECRET INFORMATION!!!"

"Fear not," Socrates said, holding up a hand. "I couldn't care less. Now, my drum set?"

Brainstorm glared at the tiger.

"JACK!! GO GET HIS DRUM SET!!" Brainstorm ordered.

"Whatever," Jack sighed, walking into the house with the hypercube.

* * *

Meanwhile Mother Brainstorm and Sheila had just arrived at the convention.

It was going quite interestingly.

Mrs. Brainstorm had already eaten all of the complementary mints at the front door, and was currently searching for the feast promised.

"Alright, if everyone would mind taking their seats, we will begin," A tall skinny woman on the nearby stage said through a microphone.

"WHERE'S THE FOOD?!" Mrs. Brainstorm screamed, causing several people to jump.

"Erm," One of the managers began walking up to her. "The buffet will be held after the seminar is over…."

"WHY THAT LONG?!" Mrs. Brainstorm roared towering over the man.

"Uuuh… ya know, if you want me to, I'll bring you some appetizers if you take your seat…" He said, slowly.

"DO SO!!!" Mrs. Brainstorm screamed, whipping around and storming off to her seat with Sheila.

The manager then turned and quickly left the building.

Mrs. Brainstorm and Sheila took their seats and glared at the stage where the tall woman, evidentially Dr Faraday, was shifting through some papers and preparing for his speech. There was a pause as people sat down, going out of their way to avoid sitting next to Brainstorms.

Dr Faraday walked up to the Mic.

"Thank you all for coming," She said in a slightly shaky voice. "Today we will be discussing the relationships between mothers and daughters."

"WHO QUALIFIES _YOU _TO TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILDREN?!?!" Mrs. Brainstorm screamed.

Several people turned and stared at her.

There was a moment of silence.

Dr Faraday blinked.

"Uhh…" She started.

"NEVER MIND!!" Mrs. Brainstorm said, throwing her hands up. "I CAN TELL I MADE _YOU _UNCOMFORTABLE!!"

Dr Faraday rolled her eyes. Apparently, she was used to dealing with whack cases.

* * *

Calvin, meanwhile, was outside once again, now that Socrates' infernal banging had stopped, and was building another snowman scene.

This one had a snowman was holding his own head in his stick hands, with a horrified expression on his face, and several other snowmen around his with equally horrified expressions.

As Calvin and rolling the third snowball, Hobbes came walking up to him.

"More snow art?" He asked.

"Not this time," Calvin said. "I'm going with a Stephen King theme, now,"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Should we be a bit worried about Socrates?" Hobbes asked.

"I've been worried about Socrates since the minute I met him, Hobbes," he said.

"No, I mean he hasn't been drumming in over an hour, now."

"Yeah, I know, isn't it lovely?" Calvin said. "I can actually hear the snow crunching under my feet."

"But why has he stopped?" Hobbes asked.

"Maybe he found something else to do with his life." Calvin said. "How am I supposed to know?"

Hobbes paused.

"Well, maybe I better go check on him."

"You do that," Calvin said, not looking up.

There was a pause as Hobbes continued to watch Calvin. Then he shrugged, and left him to his own devices. He headed down the sidewalk towards the mansion, which was strangely silent. He walked up to the front door, and it was then that he noticed something. There was a notice taped on it. He stared at it.

_Calvin and or Hobbes_

_As of this time I have kidnapped your robotic companion, and I'm holding him ransom for the MTM! Surrender it to me or you will never see your precious drummer again!!_

_Sincerely,_

_Dr Brainstorm_

Hobbes stared at the note.

"Oh for crying out…," he groaned, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

* * *

"He kidnapped Socrates _again_?" Calvin demanded, heaving a deep sigh.

"Yeah, it's not like he didn't go through enough stress the first time he did it." Hobbes sighed, shaking his head.

"And why, pray, would he think I'd rather have _him _instead of the MTM?" Calvin demanded.

Hobbes shrugged.

There was a moment of silence, as Calvin continued to roll his snowball forward. Hobbes watched him.

"I suppose we have to go rescue him now." Calvin said, grumpily.

"It would be the polite thing to do," Hobbes said.

Calvin groaned, and dropped the snow in his hands.

"It's not like I don't have enough to do with my life," He grumbled.

* * *

Socrates' drum set, in the meantime, had been successfully transported from his mansion to Dr Brainstorm's lab. Socrates was happily over viewing it.

"Yep! Looks good!" He grinned. "In fact, I think it looks better in an underground lab. Should keep me occupied while I wait for Calvin and Hobbes to come save me."

"It's a pretty advanced set," Jacqueline admired. "Are you a good drummer?"

"Well…" Socrates said, acquiring a smug expression. "I don't mean to gloat, but I'd say I'm a pretty hardcore rocker,"

"Yeah, well I don't want you bugging me with it!" Brainstorm ordered, flipping several switches and turning dials on his control panel. "I'm very busy and I need to keep an eye on the road for Calvin and his robotic tiger!"

"He's not a robot," Jack said.

"Whatever!" Brainstorm shot back, yanking a chair up to the big radar screen in front of him, and sitting down.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Socrates asked, finally.

"Just don't talk!!" Brainstorm spat, waving the tiger off.

Socrates shrugged. "Alright, I'll get to work," he said, simply. And with that, he walked over his drum set, picked up his sticks and sat down.

Without missing a beat Jack and Jacqueline both reached up to their heads and switched off their ear pieces in unison.

**_BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! RAKKITA-RAKKITA-RAKKITA-RAKKITA CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! DONG!! BANG!! CRASH! TINKA-TINKA-TINKA! BOOM! BONG! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!! DONG!! CRASH!! BAM!! WHANG!!! WHAMITY-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP!!_**

The force of the sound itself, combined with the pure shock, caused Brainstorm to leap high enough to hit his head on the ceiling. Beakers and inventions on the desks and console shook violently. A door closed on its own. Jack and Jacqueline simply sat there watching the tragedy unfold.

Socrates, who had apparently become partially deaf, didn't even seem to notice how loud the drums were as he simply banged away rocking his head along with the beat with a giant grin on his face.

Brainstorm, meanwhile, was on the floor, trying to find a way to tell Socrates to stop, hold his ears and crawl across the floor at the same time.

Jacqueline blinked.

"Should we do something?" She asked, turning to Jack.

"What?" Jack asked, turning to her.

* * *

Meanwhile, the convention down in Denver was continuing. Well, sort of.

In the middle of the speech, Mrs. Brainstorm stood up, and simply marched away.

Several people looked at her unsurely as she passed, until finally, one of the managers crept up to her.

"Uh, may I help you, ma'am?" He whispered, as not to interrupt Dr Faraday's speech.

"I WAS PROMISED A FEAST, WHEN I GOT THE PROGRAM FOR THIS CONVENTION!!!" Mrs. Brainstorm screamed, causing everyone to turn and stare. "AND I WANT IT NOW!!!"

"MOTHER, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!" Sheila screeched.

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE REPTILE!!!" Mrs. Brainstorm shrieked.

"YOU'RE THE REASON I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, YET!!!!" Sheila roared.

Several people looked at each other, knowingly. They could actually think of a few reasons why Sheila didn't have a boyfriend, yet.

"Look," The manager said, trying to calm the situation down. "Maybe we should take a small breather and...."

"DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOUNG MAN!!!" Mrs. Brainstorm screamed. "I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOTHER!!!!"

The manager took a short moment to appreciate the fact that this woman was not in fact his mother, before she started screaming again.

"SHEILA!!! COME ALONG!!!" She screamed, storming over to Sheila and grabbing her arm. "WE HAVE NO BUSINESS HERE!!"

"YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!!" Sheila wailed.

And with that, the two rampaged across the theater and out the door.

"I'LL FIND THE FOOD MYSELF!!" Mrs. B roared.

And they were gone.

There was a pause as everyone stared at the door from which they had just been.

"Well," Dr Faraday said, finally. "Where were we? Ah yes, now, the most important key to avoiding power struggles..."

And with that, everyone turned back and resumed their little meeting.

* * *

**_CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! DONG!! BANG!! CRASH! BONG! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!! DONG!! CRASH!! BAM!! WHAP!! WHIPPPPPPITY-WHAP-WHAP-WHAP!! CRASH!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!! CRASH!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!! CRASH!!!_**

Finally, after hitting the cymbals for a solid fifteen seconds, Socrates completed his little drum solo, which he basically just made up as he went along. He looked around with the biggest grin anybody had ever seen.

In the process of the drum solo, Socrates had knocked off two tom drums, the cow bell had been thrown across the room, one of the cymbals had, by some freak of nature, caught fire, and Dr Brainstorm was squirming on the floor, holding his head, and screaming "STOP!!! STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! STOP!!!"

Jack and Jacqueline were simply watching, with plan expressions, sipping on lemonade.

"Well, what did you think?!?!" Socrates asked, excitedly.

"Yes, very nice," Jack yawned, switching his ear piece back on. "How 'bout you, Frank? What did you think?"

All eyes went Brainstorm. He was still writhing on the floor, apparently unaware Socrates had stopped, with his eyes squeezed shut and his ears being held.

"I think he loved it." Jack said.

It took a good five minutes before Jack and Jacqueline got Brainstorm back on his feet, again. And when he finally got up, he was not that happy.

"I WILL HAVE THOSE DRUMS DESTROYED!!" He screamed, looking through all his inventions for one worthy enough to blow it up.

"You know, you may be overreacting a bit," Jack said.

"WELL, LOOK WHO'S TALKING!!" Brainstorm screeched. "THE TWO ROBOTS WHO DIDN'T EVEN _LISTEN _TO IT!!"

Socrates gave Jack and Jacqueline hurt looks. "How could you?" He asked, quietly.

Jack rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"AND WHAT'S MORE I HAVE..." Suddenly, Brainstorm stopped, as his eyes fixed on something on his desk.

There was a pause.

"Oh, great, he's spaced out, again," Jack sighed.

"He's what?" Socrates asked.

"It's happens every other year, and it lasts over fifteen minutes," Jack sighed. "I think we should go get a little movie ready and...."

"SHUT UP, JACK!!!" Brainstorm screamed. "LOOK AT THE DESK!!"

Socrates, Jack and Jacqueline all turned and stared at the desk.

The Weather Station was sitting there, and the red charging light was on.

"It's charging!!" Brainstorm screamed in excitement. "But... but... how?!?!?!"

There was a pause.

Jack turned to him. "You really don't know?" He asked, sadly.

Brainstorm glared at him and ran over to the device. It was then that he noticed something of interest: The microphone connected to it was on.

Brainstorm's eyes lit with happiness.

"AMAZING!!" He shouted in glee. "The sounds recorded from the drum set provided enough power to actually start charging the Weather Station up!!"

"Is that even possible?" Jacqueline asked.

"It's good enough for me," Jack said with a shrug.

Brainstorm whipped around.

"COME JACK!! WE HAVE MUCH TO DO!!!" He screamed.

"I'll bet we do," Jack sighed.

* * *

Mother Brainstorm and Sheila were storming around the complex. Sheila was hoping to find an exit so she could wait in the car, and Mrs. Brainstorm wanted to find the room with the buffet. They were tearing doors down and shouting at innocent bystanders for the locations they were searching for.

"PATHETIC PEOPLE!!" Mrs. Brainstorm shouted. "THEY'RE USELESS!"

"I'LL SAY! THEY DON'T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF ALL THEIR DOORS! SUCH UNBECOMING SERVICE!!" Sheila agreed.

"WE MUST BE SURE TO WRITE A DISCOURAGING LETTER WHEN WE RETURN HOME!!"

"WE SHALL HAVE OUR VENGENCE OVER OUR WASTED TIME HERE!!"

Even if they didn't really notice it, they were definitely getting along much better now. Turns out, when they get ticked off by other people, they can become quite sociable.

Finally, Mrs. Brainstorm kicked open a pair of double doors. The sight she saw caused her to grind to a halt. She stared, as if in a trance, at the sight before her.

Noticing the lack of destruction behind her, Sheila turned and double back, looking inside.

Mrs. Brainstorm had found the mother load of food. It was piled high, all over the place.

"I…I feel so…_humbled_…," Mrs. Brainstorm whispered, wiping a tear from her eye.

It was quiet for all of two seconds.

"JACKPOT!" she shouted, and she barreled past Sheila, almost knocking her down in the process.

As she started to pig out, Sheila noticed a TV in the corner. Shrugging to herself, she decided to let her mother have at it and wait until all was done. She turned on _How I Met Your Mother _and got comfy.

* * *

Meanwhile, there were several wires running from the device over to Socrates' drum set.

However, much to the frustration to Dr Brainstorm it was then that the new problem arose.

"Nah, I'm not really interested in the drums, anymore," Socrates said, shaking his head.

"What do you _mean _you're not interested in the drums, anymore?" Brainstorm asked, calmly.

"I dunno," Socrates shrugged. "Maybe I just outgrew it."

There was a long moment of silence.

Jack and Jacqueline were staring in disbelief. They didn't know which was more insane, Brainstorm or Socrates. It actually seemed like a tie.

"You…_outgrew_…the drums?" Brainstorm said, slowly as if trying to comprehend each word as he went.

"Yep!" Socrates grinned.

"WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!" Brainstorm screamed, finally. "IF I HADN'T FOUND OUT IT CHARGED MY MACHINE UP, YOU'D STILL BE PLAYING THE DARN THINGS!!!"

"Yep, probably." Socrates nodded.

"RRRRRRRRGH!!!!" Then he whipped around to Jack.

"JACK!! GO PLAY THE DRUMS!!!" He ordered.

"I'd love to, Frank, but I'm afraid I'm limited to piano, guitar, flute, bagpipes, doudouk, violins, bass guitar, and trumpets."

"What about the tuba?" Socrates asked.

"No, I happen to have pride." Jack said. "Besides every other high school nerd on the planet plays the tuba."

"Yeah, and let's face it, if you take out the tuba player, the band still sounds exactly the same," Jacqueline sighed.

"GO PLAY THE DRUMS OR I'LL DESTROY YOU!!!" Brainstorm ordered, jabbing a finger at Socrates.

Socrates stared. "You know, I hate to say it, but I really don't fell all that threatened."

Brainstorm's left eye twitched.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were flying off towards Yellowstone in the box.

"So, remind me, again," MTM said. "The big doof wants me again, even though we cleared it up last season that I'm don't listen to word he says?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Calvin nodded.

"I'm beginning to think he's not crazy," Hobbes said. "He just has a memory problem."

They continued flying until soon, they found themselves over Yellowstone.

"Well, we've only done this a few thousand times," Calvin said. "Let's just go in there and get Socrates and we'll be on our way,"

"Yep," Hobbes said. "Least then we won't have to deal with Brainstorm for another week or...." He paused. "Hey.... Do you hear drumming?"

Calvin stopped the box.

They tilted their heads and listened. Indeed, there was in fact the faint sound of drumming coming from the direction of Old Faithful.

"Huh," Hobbes said. "I wonder how Socrates convinced Brainstorm to take that with him."

"I don't think that's Socrates," Calvin said, his brow furrowing. "If it is, he certainly isn't doing that well."

Indeed, the quality of the drumming had decreased quite a bit. Now it was just the sound of cymbals crashing, the snare drum being hit, and the occasional tom.

They all listened for a while.

"Well, we better go investigate," Calvin said at last.

"I'll put the sound barrier up," MTM sighed.

And with that, Calvin maneuvered the box towards Old Faithful.

Upon entering the elevator, and going down towards the lab, they realized something of interest.

"Why would Brainstorm allow Socrates to play those things in the first place?" Hobbes asked loudly.

"What?!" Calvin shouted over the drums.

The elevator door opened.

Their eyes burst open.

Jack, Jacqueline and Socrates were sitting off to the side with headphone on listening to music and sipping lemonade while Dr Brainstorm was behind the drums, randomly hitting them.

Everyone stared at Brainstorm.

"Uuuh... what is he doing on Socrates' drum set?" Calvin asked.

"Playing the drums I would assume," Hobbes replied.

They all watched Brainstorm for a while, pausing only to wave at Socrates, Jack and Jacqueline.

Brainstorm didn't even notice them come in, as he frantically hit the drums and cymbals like a lunatic. He clearly would not do well in a band.

Suddenly, his eyes jerked over to the door, and he spotted the new group that ha just entered.

He stopped drumming.

"AH!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!?" He screamed jabbing a drum stick at Calvin and Hobbes.

"You called us here," Calvin said. "You wanted to get blown up by the MTM, again."

Brainstorm paused. Then he began laughing insanely.

"MWAA HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!! I'm afraid I won't _need _your silly little device anymore!"

"Oi!" MTM spat.

"For I have already completed my purpose_ without any help from you!!!_"

There was a pause.

"Really?" Hobbes asked, skeptically.

"Well, no, he had to use Socrates' drum set," Jack said.

"SILENCE, ROBOT!!" Brainstorm spat. He spun back to Calvin and Hobbes. "And now that you're here, I can finally say the words that I've wanted say since the end of college!"

"Really?" Socrates asked. "What's that?"

"YOU'RE TOO LATE!!!" Brainstorm cackled, throwing his arms into the air. "YOU'RE _TOO LATE!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!_"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

And with that, Brainstorm leapt from the drums and ran over to The Weather Station. He grabbed it off the table and aimed it at the ceiling.

"Soon Earth's defenses will crumble and I will_ RULE!!_"

"So, have you seen _Up_ yet?" Jack asked, turning to Calvin and Hobbes.

"No, not yet. Is it good?" Hobbes asked.

"I've been told so. You should get the DVD," Jack nodded.

Brainstorm pushed several buttons on the device, and flipped the screen monitoring Yellowstone on. Dark clouds began gathering around the park and the wind began blowing. Noticing the change, tourists began heading back to their cars and gift shops began closing. Dust blowing through the wind began centering and blowing together into small tornados. The rain began pouring down by the bucketfuls. Trees began leaning to one side as the wind become stronger.

Underground, everyone watched it unfold.

"OK," Calvin said. "That's enough. MTM, deactivate the machine."

"Roger," MTM said.

A blast of electricity shot out from the MTM, and hit the Weather Station. It was briefly engulfed in yellow energy, but overall had no effect.

Brainstorm turned an insane grin onto them. "THAT WON'T HELP YOU NOW!!" He laughed. "THE MACHINE IS FAR TOO POWERFUL!!"

"Do my fingers look uneven?" Socrates asked Jack and Jacqueline, holding his paws up to each other for comparison.

"Nah, they look about right," Jack said.

Outside, the wind was blowing harder, and the tiny tornado had turned into a quite large tornado, lifting small rocks off the ground.

Now Calvin and Hobbes were getting concerned.

"Turn the machine off!" Calvin threatened, aiming the MTM at him.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" Brainstorm screamed pushing more buttons and flipping switches.

Calvin fired the MTM and Brainstorm ducked out of the way.

"Well, there's that movie _300_," Jacqueline pointed out. "They can't make a sequel to _that _movie,"

"True, but we thought the same thing about _Transformers_," Socrates said.

Brainstorm whipped out his Servant Ray and aimed it at Andy and Sherman.

"SERVANT RAY!! DO NOT DESTROY THOSE TWO!!!"

_BLAST!!!_

"LOOK OUT!!" Calvin screamed, as he leapt from the way just in time.

Hobbes, who now had the MTM, fired it at Brainstorm again, who once again avoided the blast and grabbed the Weather Station.

"Well, in all honesty, I'm not expecting Peter Gabriel's next album until 2012," Socrates said. "It took him ten years to dish out the last one and he's not getting any faster,"

Brainstorm fired his Servant Ray repeatedly at Calvin and Hobbes, while they continued ducking out, and trying to grab the Weather Station.

"GIVE ME THAT!!" Calvin screamed grabbing for the Weather Station.

"HA, HA, HA, HA!!" Brainstorm screamed, grabbing it away, and firing his Servant Ray.

"So it's been decided, then," Jack said. "_Pearls Before Swine_ is definitely funnier than _Luann_."

"Yep," Jacqueline nodded. "And _Get Fuzzy_ is funnier than_ Brevity_."

Suddenly, a blast from the Servant Ray almost hit Socrates.

"Whoa!" He yelled, leaping from the way. "How much longer is this going to go on?"

Jack checked his watch.

"'Bout another thirty seconds," He said. "Give or take. So, moving along, which is scarier, a vampire or Nick Nolte during a full moon?"

"There's a difference?" Socrates asked.

"HA, HA!!" Brainstorm screamed, holding the weather station over his head. "There's nothing you can do now!! YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!!"

Calvin aimed the MTM at Brainstorm again.

Brainstorm retaliated and aimed the Servant Ray at Calvin.

"So, it's come to this!!" Brainstorm cackled. "A showdown! After all this time we have... OOF!!"

Calvin, not wanting to listen to the rest of Brainstorm's sermon, fired the MTM, and sent him flying into the other wall.

_CRASH!!_

He glared at Calvin.

"DON'T DO THAT!!" He ordered. "When I'm emperor of the universe I'll send you all to…"

Suddenly, a red light started going off in the lab.

Everyone looked around, except for Jack, Jacqueline and Socrates, who were still talking amongst themselves.

"What's happening?" Brainstorm demanded, leaping to his feet and running over to the computer monitor. He flipped it on.

Outside, the weather was starting clear up. The tornados had vanished, the wind was slowing and the clouds were breaking up.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!" Brainstorm screamed, frantically, running over to the Weather Station. "WORK, DARN YOU, WORK!!!" He punched and kicked it several times, but predictably, it didn't make anything happen outside.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!" Brainstorm wailed falling to his knees.

"What?" Jack asked, looking up. "Oh. The drums only temporarily stabilize it. It has to be charged up with electricity, not sound."

There was a long moment of silence.

Socrates was studying his stripes,

"You know," He said, turning to Jacqueline. "I think I gain a new stripe every year."

Jacqueline rolled her eyes.

Brainstorm stared at Jack for a long moment.

"And you didn't tell me this.... because....?" Brainstorm said, motioning for Jack to continue.

"You didn't ask," Jack said.

Brainstorm roared with frustration and suddenly did something rather spectacular. He suddenly reached over and wrenched one of the cymbals off of the drum kit and then threw it in Calvin's direction like a Frisbee.

"ACK!" Calvin shrieked, trying to get out of the way.

**_CLANG!_**

The cymbal suddenly flew into Calvin's hands, and the reflex he experienced was him suddenly hurling MTM through the air and into Dr Brainstorm's waiting hands.

Everyone stared in amazement.

Even Socrates, Jack and Jacqueline were shocked.

"How did… Where did… HEY!" Calvin shouted.

Without even answering, Dr Brainstorm aimed his Servant Ray at MTM.

"SERVANT RAY, DO NOT MAKE MTM CHARGE UP THE WEATHER STATION!!"

"Hey now, wait a minute!" MTM cried.

**_BRZAP!_**

The Servant Ray hit MTM, and MTM suddenly fired involuntarily at the Weather Station, and the whole thing charged up completely.

"YES!" he shouted. "SO _THIS _IS HOW IT WORKS!"

"Oi! That hurt!" MTM wailed.

And with that, the powerful weather resumed again, tornados, rain and all.

"This is going to blow some circuits at Channel 5," Jack muttered.

"AND NOW I'VE FINALLY WON! I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU STOP ME NOW, CALLY!" he shouted.

Calvin stared at him for a moment before he smirked.

"Okay, Frank, I admit that you've proven that you _can _invent something that actually works and could _potentially _give you control over the planet."

"YES!"

"However…"

Calvin suddenly took the cymbal in his hands and he threw it like a Frisbee again. It headed straight for the Weather Station.

**_CLANG! KAZAM!_**

The cymbal slashed through the Weather Station, slicing it in two. It collapsed into piece on the floor, erupting in a shower of sparks and smoke.

Dr Brainstorm stared at it incredulously.

"WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?!" he shouted angrily.

Calvin simply smiled sweetly.

Growling angrily, he pointed at the door.

"GET OUT! JUST GET OUT! THIS HAS ALL BEEN TOO MUCH! _GET OUT!_"

"Yes, yes, alright, if you insist," Calvin sighed. "Come on, everyone let's beat feet, as it were."

Hobbes nodded. "Right, when we get back, we can throw snowballs at each other."

"Ooh! Fun!" Socrates said, clapping. "See ya, Frank! You can keep the drums!"

"**_GET OUT!_**"

"I know. I had fun today too."

And with that, they all walked calmly away and exited through the elevator.

Dr Brainstorm was devastated as he collapsed to his knees.

"Oh, why does this always happen?!" he wailed, with his voice full of sorrow. "Why can't I ever have my victory? Why must I be put through such torture?!"

Jacqueline felt sorry for him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Are you okay, Frank?" she asked gently.

"No, no I'm not," Dr B whispered. "_I hurt my knees just now!_"

Jack sighed to himself.

Just then, they heard the sound of the elevator coming back down.

"Oop!" Jacqueline said. "That sounds like my ride."

"Finally! We can get some normalcy around here!" Dr Brainstorm exclaimed, getting shakily to his feet.

The doors on the elevator slid open.

Dr Brainstorm, Jack and Jacqueline stared at what was inside.

For a start, Sheila looked about the same, just a bit calmer and more collected.

Mrs. Brainstorm was in the corner of the elevator. She was wearing a look of ecstasy on her face. Her stomach had swollen and stretched outwards in all directions, making it look as though she was smuggling a hot-air balloon under her shirt. She was massaging it gingerly, looking like she had no idea where she was.

"I take it the seminar went well?" Dr Brainstorm asked.

"Oh the service was terrible," Sheila snorted. "But we had a good time destroying it on the way out."

"Oh good!" Jacqueline said. "I'm glad you found something to bond over."

"Mother, are you okay?" Dr B asked, feeling a little concerned.

"_Soooooo_ _fuuuuuull_…," Mrs. Brainstorm mumbled.

"She claimed she heard Ulysses S Grant and Paul Lynde in her head, telling her to keep eating."

"Those rogue scamps," Jack tutted.

"Yes well," Sheila sighed. "We'd better get her back home. She'll be hungry again by the time we get there."

"Okay! Bye Frank! Bye Jack."

"Bye Jackie."

"**_DR BRAINSTORM!_** Have a good drive."

Jacqueline squeezed into the elevator and settled in.

As the doors slid shut, Mrs. Brainstorm suddenly trembled.

"Oh no, Mother, not in the elevator," Sheila groaned.

As the doors slid closed, Dr Brainstorm and Jack could hear a loud noise.

"**_BURRRRRRRRRRRRRP!!_**"

Dr Brainstorm heaved a sigh.

"Right, remind me to yell at you to put some air fresheners in that thing," he said, walking away.

"Yeah, sure. TV?"

"Soda?"

"Popcorn?"

"Recliners?"

"Cool."

"Solid."

And they set off to their living room to relax after a hard day.

Up above, the Yellowstone Tour Guide was showing the tourists Old Faithful.

"Alright then, ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment you've all been waiting for. In just a few minutes, we're going to see something truly spectacular!"

Just then, they all heard the sound of something rather large moving and they saw that one of the rocks had tipped over. Up out of the ground came Sheila, Jacqueline and Mrs. Brainstorm. They didn't seem to take any notice of the gaping tourists and tour guide. They just walked past them towards the parking lot.

"Okay, Mrs. B, come on," Jacqueline said, helping Mrs. Brainstorm along.

"We'll be there in a few minutes, Mother," Sheila said. "You know, I told you to wait in the car."

"They…had…_the best doughnuts_…I have ever _had_!" Mrs. Brainstorm said dopily. "_HILP_!"

"Come on now, you can digest in the backseat," Sheila sighed. "Jacqueline, when we get home, we've got a letter for you to dictate."

"Okay."

And with that, they disappeared over the hill.

Everyone stared after them in shock.

Then they started clapping.

"Wow, that was fantastic!" one said.

"Yeah, we're _so _coming back again next year!" said another.

The tour guide stared, bewildered for a moment, and then he smiled to himself.

_Whatever works_, he thought to himself.

**The End**

**Voice Work****:**

**Pamela Segall Adlon **Calvin**  
Tom Hanks **Hobbes / Tourists**  
Ryan Stiles **Socrates / Manager**  
Norman Lovett **MTM**  
Neil Crone **Dr Brainstorm / Drive-Thru Employee**  
Michael Brandon **Jack / Tour Guide**  
Bridget Nelson **Sheila / Dr Faraday**  
AnnaSophia Robb **Jacqueline**  
Mary Jo Pehl **Mother Brainstorm**  
Andrew Lawrence **Andy**  
Colin Mochrie** Sherman

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Bodyswap


	28. Bodyswap

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123_

**Bodyswap**

_"AAAAA!" Calvin screamed. "HELP! I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A DOLL! CALL UNSOLVED MYSTERIES! CALL THE FBI! CALL OPERA WINFREY!"_

_It was then that Calvin picked up the sound of... laughing?_

_Calvin opened his eyes._

_The doll was sitting motionless on the floor five feet away from Calvin, and a tiger was emerging from the basement laughing his head off._

_"YOU!" Calvin screamed._

_The tiger wiped a tear from his eye, and continued laughing._

_The alleged tiger was not Hobbes as you might of suspected, but his good buddy Socrates._

_Socrates lived next door with another kid. Calvin had never met him, but he knew enough about him to know he was some kind of lunatic._

* * *

_Then, a boy that looked no taller than Calvin walked on._

_Yup, it was Socrates' owner, Elliot._

_He was wearing a blue jacket with a Nike logo on it. The jacket had a hood on it, and the hood was over his head, so Calvin couldn't see his face. He had his hands in the pocket of his jacket, and he was wearing blue jeans, and brown sneakers._

_He didn't say a word, as he shuffled past Calvin, and sat down with Socrates at the back of the bus._

_Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances._

* * *

_By this time, Calvin and Hobbes, Andy and Sherman both had split up to do their own thing._

_Calvin and Hobbes were off at the refreshments table Andy was wandering around, wondering what he could do before the day ended, Sherman was socializing with the party guests and Jack had walked off to himself with a bottle of Pepsi and a magazine._

_Soon, Socrates returned with Elliot._

_Elliot was wearing a very different attire from what he was wearing the last time Calvin and Hobbes saw him. He was wearing a white T-shirt and black shorts. He had a blue baseball cap on his head, covering his hair as well as a pair of sunglasses, which basically covered the features of his face._

_In other words, he was still a total mystery. Especially wondering why the kid wore sunglasses in his own house._

* * *

_"You don't remember me?" Socrates gasped, looking offended. "I was at that thing you went to that one time!"_

_There was a moment of silence._

_Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances._

_"More specifically, I'm the barbecue sauce guy." Socrates said, finally._

_Don's eyes popped open with realization._

_"You're _Elliot's_ tiger?!" He demanded, backing away._

* * *

It was a lovely spring day in Calvin and Hobbes' neighborhood.

Calvin and Hobbes were in the backyard getting ready for an expedition.

Calvin was wearing a safari hat, hiking boots and was holding a map.

Hobbes was also wearing a safari hat, and he had a coil of rope hanging over his shoulder.

Behind them was the wagon, loaded to the brim with tools, including shovels, pickaxes, buckets and paper bags.

"So, are we all set?" Calvin asked.

"I should think so," Hobbes replied. "Our expedition has been meticulously well thought-out and prepared for."

"Excellent! Then let us be off! We have things to do! Places to be! Stuff to find and then leave in Mom and Dad's bed!"

"Quite so."

"Come along, Hobbes, before someone comes along and ruins this for us."

Saluting, Hobbes grabbed onto the wagon handle.

Calvin unraveled the map and read over his own childish scrawl.

"Alright!" he said. "According to this, we must head in through the entrance to the forest in a straight line for a hundred and fifty paces."

"One hundred and fifty paces? What for?"

"Well, I checked earlier, and after the first plain old fifty paces, we wouldn't even be in the forest at all."

"Huh."

"Come on!"

Calvin set off stoically into the woods, and Hobbes shrugged and followed on after him.

"It's days like these that make you question routine," he commented to himself.

And off they went, singing all the way.

* * *

Meanwhile, Socrates was experiencing a bit of a crisis at the mall with Andy and Sherman.

"Socrates, we've been for two hours," Andy complained. "We do have a life to get back to."

"Just help me look at a few more things," Socrates insisted, observing a giant stereo system.

"Okay, you take an object, stare at it, and then decide whether you want it or not. That helpful enough for you?" Sherman said loudly.

"Guys, this is getting serious! We've been in and out of ten stores and we still haven't found a decent enough gift to get for Elliot!"

"Hmmm," Andy said, pretending to be in deep thought. "Yes, that is an amazingly large conundrum. You know what might help?"

"What?"

"If we actually knew anything about him!"

Socrates suddenly seemed interested in a store across the hall.

"Ooh! Let's try in there!"

He sprinted out of the _Radio Shack _and entered a _Victoria's Secret_.

Andy and Sherman stared incredulously.

"He's not serious, is he?" Sherman asked, gulping.

"Look, we just go in, grab him and get out," Andy whispered. "Won't take more than a minute."

"If you say so."

Andy made sure the coast was relatively clear, and then he sprinted across the causeway towards _Victoria's Secret_.

"Can you see him?" Andy asked nervously.

"Not yet. Hurry up!" Sherman shrieked, covering his face with his paws.

Andy's head had never swiveled so fast. He looked all around for Socrates. He couldn't see him anywhere yet.

Then he saw him going through some of the underwear.

"Socrates!" Andy hissed.

Socrates held some of it up for them to see.

"How about a pair of novelty briefs?" he asked hopefully.

Andy stared at him in the purest of amazement.

"Socrates, is Elliot a girl?"

"No."

"Is he in his forties and in need of some reassurance that he's still attractive?"

"No."

"Then put it back!"

Socrates sighed and tossed the underwear aside, and Andy immediately started dragging him away from the store.

"Wait, where's Sherman?" Andy realized, looking around.

He saw Sherman was going through the underpants himself.

"Sherman!" Andy hissed.

Sherman whipped around in surprise.

"They weren't for me!" he yelped.

Andy rolled his eyes, grabbed him and dragged Socrates out of the store.

"Socrates, pick a different store! Preferably one that makes sense!"

Socrates looked around.

"Ooh! That one!" he cried, running down the causeway to the nearest store.

_Spencer's Gifts._

"Oh great," Sherman sighed.

"Come on," Andy said, putting the hamster back on his shoulder.

They looked around for Socrates again.

"This is the coolest store on the planet!" Socrates exclaimed. "Look! Screaming Rubber Chickens!"

Socrates took a rubber chicken off the shelf and gave it a squeeze in the middle.

**_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!_**

Andy and Sherman flinched.

Socrates tossed it aside and looked around some more.

"Come on! Maybe Elliot will like something from here!" he said, as his head swung back and forth eagerly.

Andy rolled his eyes and looked around.

"You know, Socrates, this would be a lot easier if we _knew who Elliot was!_" he said loudly.

Socrates pretended not to have heard and looked around the room enthusiastically.

"Ooh! Look! Black Light!"

Socrates stood under a Black Light bulb that was hanging over their heads. His white furry chest and stomach turned blue, as did the 19 on Andy's jersey and his shoes, and so did Sherman's white spot and stomach.

Andy read the description.

_Trip-out any space with this 48-inch Blacklight fixture that blows out all whites and fluorescent colors making them glow-in-the-dark! Ideal for parties, theme events, or any fly crib._

"What do infants need with Black Light?" Sherman wondered.

"I don't think it means…," Andy began, but he decided to ignore him instead.

"What do you think?! Should we get it?"

"WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE KID WANTS!" Sherman shouted.

"Socrates, why don't you just tell us –?"

"LOOK!" Socrates shouted, pointing.

"WHAT?!" Andy demanded.

Socrates paused for a moment before he looked around a bit more frantically and finally saw something.

"…_Toys R Us_!" he said at last.

And with that, he sped away.

"Finally," Sherman said. "A store a bit more likely to please a kid who we can assume is somewhere around seven years old."

"Really? I've only seen him from a distance, and he looked more like he was ten," Andy commented.

They followed Socrates over towards the toy store, and after a bit of wandering around, they found him looking eagerly at a Tickle-Me-Elmo.

"How about this? Do you think Elliot would like this?" he asked hopefully.

"Do you think he'd like the Must-Have toy of 1996?" Andy asked, raising his eyebrow.

"The toy that resulted in several hapless shop clerks being brutally beaten because they happened to be holding the thing at Christmas time?" added Sherman.

"Is that a yes?"

Andy and Sherman sighed.

"Socrates, just tell us what Elliot is like, okay?" Andy said.

Socrates suddenly pointed in another direction.

"Oh look! _Waldenbooks_!"

He was just about to run off in that direction when Andy grabbed his tail to stop him.

"No!" he yelled. "We're not doing this again! Just tell something about him! Just tell us one thing and we'll let the whole thing drop, alright?"

Socrates stopped trying to escape and looked down at them. Then he seemed to into really deep thought, indicating that he was trying to decide what he should say to them.

Andy and Sherman stood off to the side, waiting patiently for him to finish.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Socrates looked over at them.

"He has these really cool sunglasses…," he said at last.

Andy and Sherman stared at him, and then at each other.

"Okay, that's something we can go on," Andy said at last. "He takes pride in his appearance."

"So what does that mean? What do we get him?" Socrates asked him.

"We get him something he can wear," Sherman said. "Let's look for a local _JC Penny _and see what we can find."

Grinning excitedly, Socrates set off to find such a store.

Andy and Sherman hurried after.

* * *

In the deep woods that encircle Sneer Hill, Calvin was digging away frantically with a shovel. He was smothered with dirt and mud, and he had sweat pouring down his face, but he was still going at it, digging deeper and deeper into the earth.

Hobbes walked up holding a canteen.

"How's it coming?" he asked.

"Slowly," Calvin replied.

"Thirsty?"

"Thanks."

Hobbes handed him the canteen, and Calvin took a few swigs of water before he resumed digging.

"Just checking, but what exactly will we do when we finish up here?" Hobbes asked at last.

"Well, hopefully by the end of the day, we'll have made some major archaeological discovery. Hopefully something along the lines of some brand new dinosaur or caveman artifacts or something like that. After that, we'll write up our findings, and get them published in scientific journal. Then we'll win the Nobel Prize, get rich and go on those FOX shows just so we can call them Idiots Who Can't Live without the Bush Administration."

"Cool. What about babes? When do we get those?"

Before Calvin could answer, he felt his shovel hit something.

"Wait, I've got something!" he exclaimed.

"Don't break it! Dig carefully!" Hobbes cried, getting down on his knees and peering down into the hole.

Calvin got out a smaller shovel (his mom's gardening trough), and slowly began to unearth the object. His excitement grew.

"This is it, Hobbes! Academia, here we come!"

"Yes! A life of going from school to school, talking about how much better we are than everyone else!" Hobbes agreed.

Calvin finally found the object and pulled it out of the ground. It was small and rectangular.

"Gee, do you suppose its some sort of tool used by ancient man?" he asked, bewildered.

"Let's see!"

Calvin used a duster to remove some of the dirt. He examined it closely.

"Well?" Hobbes asked hopefully.

"It's… It's…"

"What?!"

"It's an old LP of _Christmas with Arthur Godfrey and all the Little Godfreys_."

Hobbes stared at it for a long moment.

It was an old cardboard cover with the worn LP still inside.

"Huh," he said, "well, maybe we'll still get some money for off eBay. I mean, come on, how many people even know who Arthur Godfrey was?"

"I suppose. And how many people know who he _really_ was?"

And with that, he tossed it aside and got back to work.

"You know, I'm beginning to think that digging for ancient artifacts and getting rich in our own backyard isn't the best course of action," Hobbes sighed.

"You wanna call it a day too, huh?" Calvin sighed, looking up.

"Yeah, can you think of anything else we can do?"

Calvin pondered for a moment, and then he grinned.

* * *

Back at the mansion down the street, Andy and Sherman entered the main entry room to find Socrates looking around with a clipboard in his hand and a pen in his ear. He was surrounded by many cardboard boxes.

"What's all this?" asked Andy.

"Decorations, balloons, streamers and so on," Socrates replied, not looking up from the clipboard. "I only pray that's it's enough."

"I only pray we survive putting it all up," Sherman muttered.

"Alright, where do we start?" Andy asked.

Socrates began flipping through the clipboard's various sheets of paper.

"Okay, Elliot and his parents are out for the day, and they should be back within three to four hours," he said, looking at one of the papers.

"Are they out with Elliot for his birthday?" asked Andy.

"Yep-er-doodles!"

"Why aren't you with them instead of making us help you prepare an over-elaborate party?!" Sherman demanded.

"I told him I caught the swine flu and he let me stay home."

"Why would you want to stay home instead of go with him on his birthday?" Andy asked.

"Because I wanted to do something for him in my own special way. Got a problem with that?"

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"Not really…," Andy said at last.

"Excellente! Let's get started! I had the good fortune of being able to _find _the decorations this time, so we've got that sorted."

"Uh-huh," Sherman said, looking up at the giant stack of decorations.

"First item of business is start filling the balloons. You two can get started on that while I go out."

"Excuse me?" Andy asked, staring at him incredulously.

"Relax, And-o, I'm just heading down the street to get Cally and Hobbo in on the job. Hopefully you'll have filled about eight hundred of those suckers by the time I get back. There's a tank of helium in one of these boxes and some string in the next one. Enjoy!"

And with that, he was out the door.

Andy and Sherman stared the boxes in bemusement before they both heaved twin sighs.

"Come on," Andy grumbled. "Let's get started."

"All this Good Samaritan stuff can't be good for us," Sherman complained.

As they started to open the boxes, Sherman looked out the window and saw some dark and ominous clouds in the sky. Their undersides flashed with lightning every once in awhile.

"Hmmm," he said, "that's odd."

"What is?" Andy asked, not looking out of the box he was rooting through.

"I don't recall there being any reports about an electrical storm today."

* * *

Socrates skipped and frolicked all the way over to the yellow two-story house just a couple houses down. As he hummed a little ditty to himself, he noticed something rather tall was sticking up into the sky. It was almost like a flagpole, but it was bent in several directions and was swaying slightly in the wind.

"Hmmm, intriguing," he said to himself, and he bounded away with his tiger agility.

He arrived in the backyard to find that the pole was in fact several golf clubs that had all been duct taped together to form what appeared to be a twenty foot pole. It swayed slightly in the wind, which was slightly picking up.

Socrates looked at it for a good bit for Calvin and Hobbes both came outside, and Calvin was carrying an unsharpened pencil (aka, Mini-Duplicator).

"Socrates," Calvin said, speaking to him, but not really acknowledging him.

"Guys!" Socrates exclaimed. "I don't mean to be an alarmist, but it would appear you have a golf club tree growing in your backyard!"

"Yes, I keep telling him to stop feeding it, but he absolutely insists," Hobbes said, grinning.

Calvin rolled his eyes and approached the pole.

"In all seriousness, what _are _you doing?" Socrates asked.

"I'm making an energy conductor for the Mini-Duplicator," Calvin replied. "Lately, this thing has really been up to full-power. Every time I try to make a duplicate of an object, the duplicate very rarely lives up to the quality of the original."

"You mean like the live-action _Scooby Doo _movies?"

"Precisely. Then I saw that an electric storm is brewing a bit further downtown. So I've taken all of my father's golf clubs and duct-taped them into this twenty foot pole. I'll hook the Mini-Duplicator up to the pole with copper wires that should jump-start it, and hopefully that'll bring it back up to speed."

"Ingenious," Socrates commented. "And where do _you_ enter into all of this?"

Hobbes shrugged. "He promised tuna if all went well."

Socrates nodded, rolling his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Calvin asked.

"I wanted to know if you guys could help me decorate the mansion for Elliot's birthday."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

"Decorating _again_?" Calvin asked.

"Are you _kidding _us with that?" Hobbes groaned.

"Come on! Andy and Sherman can't help me decorate it alone! Come on! It's for Elliot's birthday! Cake! Cookies! Popcorn! Pin the Tail on the Donkey! Karaoke! _Little Cocktails Weenies on Toothpicks_! How can you resist?!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Oh, alright," Calvin sighed. "I guess I'd be kicking myself for weeks if I missed out on another of your little crazy parties. I'm in."

"Yeah, me too," Hobbes said with a shrug.

"Wonderful! This way!"

And Socrates bounded away, and Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes and took off after him.

They barely noticed the storm in the distance, flashing lightning and rolling thunder…

* * *

Later that day, Calvin and Hobbes found themselves holding onto a large yellow banner that read _HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELLIOT!_

"Okay, Socrates said he wanted this thing to go across the archway," Hobbes said. "We'll need to hang one end from the banister on the staircase."

"You get that end seen to. I'll take care of the other end," Calvin said.

Nodding, Hobbes took his end and ran up the stairs with it. Once he reached the top banister, he tied off the corner to it.

Calvin then grabbed the other corner of it. He pulled MTM out of his pocket.

"Okay, MTM, activate manipulator arms."

"Check."

MTM's long robotic arms protruded from his casing, with a pair of robotic hands on the ends.

Calvin set MTM down against the wall across from the banister, and then he sat in the hands' open palms.

"Okay, go up!" he exclaimed.

MTM's arms extended upwards and upwards.

Calvin raced up into the air towards the ceiling.

"Okay, stop!" he shouted.

The arms stopped extending, holding onto Calvin so he wouldn't fall.

"Okay a bit more to the left."

The arms turned in one direction.

"Up a bit more."

The arms extended a little bit.

"Okay, got it!"

Calvin pulled out staple gun and connected the banner to the wall.

"Okay, take me down."

The arms slowly lowered back down until Calvin was safely on the ground.

"Thanks, MTM," he said, getting down.

"No problem," MTM replied, but as he was putting his arms away, he muttered quietly, "Bowling Ball Butt."

"What was that?" Calvin asked, glaring sharply at him.

"Oh nothing."

Sniffing, Calvin picked him up and looked around the room.

Andy and Sherman had already finished with the balloons and were now leaving the rumpus rooms.

"Okay, stereo systems are set up," Andy announced.

"And there'd better not be any Manilow or Streisand played tonight. We want to keep this classy, don't we?" Sherman added, glaring pointedly at Socrates.

"Perish the thought," he replied.

"Is that just about everything?" Calvin asked, wiping dust from his hands.

"Well, let's see," Socrates said, looking through his clipboard. "Balloons?"

"Check," Andy replied, pointing at the hundreds of balloons in the ceiling.

Socrates drew a line through the word _balloons_.

"Banner?"

"Check," said Hobbes.

"Stereo?"

"Check," said Sherman.

"Food?"

"Check," said Calvin, pointing in the direction of the kitchen.

"Pin the Tail on the Donkey?"

"Check," said MTM.

"How about the gifts? We all brought gifts, right?"

"I got him a new shirt," said Andy.

"I got him that Black Light thing," said Sherman. "I thought it was interesting."

Socrates nodded and looked over at Calvin and Hobbes.

They looked at each other unsurely.

"Do you think Elliot enjoys Arthur Godfrey?" Hobbes asked.

"I doubt it," Calvin replied. "MTM, there must be something cool in your hypercube we can give him, right?"

"Hang about, I'll find something," MTM replied.

There was a pause.

"Okay, put your hand out."

Calvin did so.

**_BRZAP!_**

In a flash of blue, a pair of dark sunglasses landed in his hand.

"Hmmm…," Calvin said, looking them over. "What do you think, Socrates, do you think he'll like these?"

"That's lovely, yes," Socrates said, not looking up from his clipboard. "Be sure to wrap whatever it is."

Calvin stared at him, slightly annoyed, but complied.

While he was getting out some wrapping paper from MTM, Hobbes watched Socrates intently for a moment.

But Socrates didn't seem to notice. Instead, he looked up cheerfully.

"Well, I think we're all set! Anyone up for staying at the party?"

"Sure," Andy said. "I'm sure it'll be fun."

"I suppose I could spare some time," Sherman decided.

Calvin, however, was unsure.

"I dunno," he said, "I left behind my lightning rod and I really should make sure it's okay during the storm. And I still need to connect the Mini-Duplicator to it."

"Don't worry," MTM said. "I can teleport back over to the pole and keep an eye on it myself. Then I'll let you know when lightning is going to strike it. I can attach myself to it with my manipulator arms, and when the power surge strikes I'll transmit all the energy to a receiver, which I'll leave with you here. You can hook it up to the bits of wire in your pocket, and hook those up to the pencil, and then, hey presto, recharged Mini-Duplicator!"

Calvin stared MTM for a few minutes before he glanced over at Sherman for his own input.

"Huh," Sherman said. "Sounds good to me."

"Alright," Calvin said. "Let me know the very minute you hear something."

"Right on, dude."

**_BRZAP!_**

MTM disappeared in a flash, and in his place was a small electrical device.

"What's that?" asked Hobbes.

"Must be the receiver MTM mentioned," Calvin said, picking it up. "Yeah, it's got remote link on the back that MTM can transmit the power surge to, and two little prongs to tie the wires onto. Excellent."

And he put it in his Hypercube for later.

"Alright," Socrates said. "The guests should start arriving in a few minutes, so we'd better get ready!"

* * *

About thirty minutes later, everyone was gathered in the house.

The entire mansion was loaded to the brim with people, many of whom Calvin didn't even recognize.

"Socrates, who _are _all these people?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh most of them are friends of the family, and some are some random people I passed on the street," Socrates replied, putting some candles into the cake.

Sherman was sitting on the windowsill for Elliot to arrive. He watched several cars pass the mansion until finally, one pulled into the drive. He took a good look through his night-vision goggles and saw a familiar sight. A boy was in the backseat. He was wearing a black hoodie, black pants and sunglasses. The car was coming to a stop in the driveway.

Sherman whipped around and scanned the crowd for Socrates, and saw him going over a few things on his clipboard.

"SOCRATES!" he shouted. "ELLIOT'S HERE!"

Socrates' head came up in surprise, and he checked his watch in befuddlement but shrugged it off.

"OKAY, EVERYONE!" he shouted. "YOU HEARD THE HAMSTER! LET'S MOVE IT!"

But nobody moved. Too many people were talking to be heard properly.

"HEY! BIRTHDAY BOY'S HERE!" Socrates shouted. "WE NEED TO HIDE!"

But still no one heard him.

Socrates grew frantic.

"Guys, we need to do something! Quick!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances before Calvin reached into his Hypercube and pulled out a bullhorn.

"Sherman! Sound Deflect the house!" he shouted.

Sherman nodded and pulled out a small handheld device and pointed it out the window.

The entire mansion flashed momentarily.

With everything safe so Elliot wouldn't hear them, Calvin put the bullhorn to his mouth.

"_ATTENTION, PARTY-GOERS! ELLIOT IS APPROACHING THE PREMESIS! WE ALL NEED TO HIDE AND YELL 'SURPRISE'!_"

Everyone suddenly went into frenzy and started trying to find a place to hide.

Socrates nodded his appreciation to Calvin and immediately dove behind a table.

Sherman removed the Sound Deflectors and hid behind a curtain.

Andy joined some people in hiding in a walk-in closet.

Calvin and Hobbes hid with some other people under the stairs.

Soon, the entire room was empty, and everyone was grunting and grumbling and complaining about B/O.

Only the soft sounds of distant thunder were enough to pull anyone back to reality.

Finally, after what seemed like two eternities, the front double doors creaked open.

Calvin pulled out a mirror and held it in front of his face and then tilted it to get a look at Elliot.

Sunglasses, black hoodie, black pants and a pair of white sneakers.

Suddenly, everyone emerged from their hiding places.

"**_SURPRISE!_**"

Calvin tried to go a little closer to speak to Elliot, but he was suddenly pushed aside by a cavalcade of family and friends of his, and was suddenly in the back of the crowd, unable to see him properly.

"Darn it," he muttered.

"Still trying to meet the ever elusive Elliot, aren't you?" Hobbes sighed, coming up behind him.

"I'll just wait until later when he's by himself," Calvin decided. "Come on. Let's try to enjoy the party."

* * *

Back at the house, MTM was seated on Calvin's windowsill, overlooking the status of the electric storm and the golf clubs.

Lighting was flashing everywhere, and thunder rumbled loudly.

MTM then seemed to notice something was coming.

"Oop!" he said. "Time for connecting, methinks."

His long metallic manipulator arms reached out of their casing, and he managed to grab onto the end of the metal golf clubs.

Then he extended an antenna out of his rear.

"Best get Calvin on the horn," he decided, and he dialed a number.

* * *

Calvin was still trying to keep up with Elliot and find him. He was absolutely determined to catch him this time and say something to him.

However, the storm's loud thunder, combined with the music, was making his cries hard to hear. He tried to attract Elliot's attention, but each time he got a little closer, he'd disappear and he'd have to start all over again.

Then Socrates came over holding a phone while dancing the Lambada.

"Hey, Calvin," he said, "MTM's calling you."

Relieved to have a distraction, Calvin grabbed the phone and spoke into it, allowing Socrates to go dancing off into the crowd again.

"MTM, you're going to have to speak up! I can't really hear you!"

"Calvin, my sensors indicate lightning is about to strike the pole in about sixty seconds. You need to get a rush on now!"

"Right, I'll get right to it!"

Calvin tossed the phone aside and looked around.

"HOBBES? ANDY? SHERMAN? I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING!!"

But he couldn't see them anywhere, and they clearly couldn't hear him.

The only one he saw was Socrates, who was dancing away like a mad fool.

Sighing to himself, Calvin hurried over and grabbed him away and yanked in the direction of the kitchen, which was empty at the moment.

"Hey, I was getting jiggy wit' it!" Socrates complained.

Calvin pulled out all the equipment he could find in his Hypercube.

"Look, I can't find anyone else. MTM says lightning is striking any second now, and we need to be ready. Now help me set up!"

Socrates rolled his eyes and cleared a few items off the counter and unplugged the toaster. Then he took the receiver and plugged it in.

Calvin managed to locate the two wires and pulled them out.

"Here, you tie one on and I'll tie on the other."

Socrates nodded and they began attaching the wires.

Then Calvin pulled out the Mini-Duplicator.

"Okay, start tying it on!"

They worked as fast as they could.

As Calvin tied his end, he checked his watch.

"Fifteen seconds to go! We're gonna make it!"

* * *

MTM, however, realized something rather disturbing.

"Oh wait," he said. "I didn't carry the three."

**_CRACK!_**

**_BOOM!_**

MTM was taken by surprise when a sudden bolt of lightning shot down out of the sky and zapped the pole. The golf clubs lit up in a flurry of bright energy. It all flowed down into the manipulator arms and into MTM's transmitter. The antenna lit up and he transmitted the electricity all the way to the mansion.

"Oh dear…," MTM mumbled. "I'm in for an earful."

* * *

All the way at the mansion, Calvin and Socrates were just about done.

"Okay, nearly there," Calvin said. "Just ten more seconds…"

"Can we hurry this up?" Socrates grumbled. "I'm missing out on Pin the Tail on the—"

**_KAZAP!_**

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!_**" they screamed.

Calvin and Socrates were still holding onto the wires, and they both found themselves being lifted up into the air, enveloped in bright in electricity.

Finally, it all ran out, and they both landed in a heap on the floor.

As his eyes fluttered shut, Calvin's last known thought was: _Owie.

* * *

_

"Hello? Hello? You OK down there?"

Calvin's eyes fluttered open.

Hobbes was staring down at him.

Calvin blinked.

The last thing he remembered was being electrocuted by the equipment in front of him and thinking about how loud he was going to scream at the MTM when he got back home.

"I'm fine. Where am I?" He asked, looking around. Oddly, his voice seemed a bit deeper than usual.

"Elliot's birthday party," Hobbes said. "Remember?"

"Oh right..." Calvin squinted his eyes. "How long was I out?"

"I don't know, I just came in to get some more punch," Hobbes shrugged.

"Did my plan work?" Calvin asked, sitting up. Was it him or did it seem a bit warmer?

Hobbes stared at him.

"What plan?" He asked.

"My electrical recharging plan?" Calvin repeated.

Hobbes stared.

"Erm, I don't know. Now if you would hold that thought, I need to wake Calvin up," He said, turning around.

Calvin paused for a moment.

"Socrates," He said.

Hobbes looked up.

"What?" He asked.

"Wake Socrates up?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes stared.

"I just did," He said.

"No, you woke me up." Calvin said.

"Right, now I need to wake up Calvin." Hobbes said.

"You just did wake up Calvin!!" Calvin yelled.

"No, I didn't, he's lying right there!" Hobbes yelled pointing at the ground.

"No! He's sitting right here!" Calvin yelled.

"No, you're sitting right there!" Hobbes yelled.

"I know!" Calvin yelled.

"Then what's the problem?" Hobbes demanded.

"Don't wake Socrates up!" Calvin spat.

"I already did!" Hobbes wailed.

"No, you didn't! You woke me up!" Calvin yelled.

"I know I woke you up! Now, I'm waking Calvin up!" Hobbes groaned.

"That's not Calvin!" Calvin spat.

"Sure looks like Calvin to me!" Hobbes grumbled.

Calvin spun around and glared at the floor.

His eyes burst open.

His own body was lying on the floor, seemingly lifeless.

Calvin paused for a long moment.

"Hobbes?"

"Yes?"

"I don't want to alarm you, but I think I'm experiencing some kind of out-of-body experience!" Calvin said, slowly.

"Again?" Hobbes sighed.

"Don't get smart with me!" Calvin spat. "Quickly now, because we don't have much time. How is it you're able to communicate with spirits that have departed from their physical being?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"What are you talking about, Socrates?" He demanded.

"Hurry, Hobbes! Time is of the ess..." He paused. "What did you just call me?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"Socrates. That's your name isn't it?" Hobbes said, slowly.

Calvin paused for a long moment, looking back and forth from his body then back to Hobbes.

Then he looked down at himself. He was suddenly orange and white and covered with black stripes. He also seemed to have a tail with red stripes.

Silence filled the land.

Calvin looked back up.

"Hobbes, I'm going to have to ask you to go away, now." He said, slowly.

"Shouldn't I wake up..."

"I'll do it," Calvin said, walking over to Hobbes and gently nudging him towards the door.

"Socrates, are you OK?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, I'm fantastic," Calvin said. "Now, if you wouldn't mind getting lost, I can proceed with all the proper procedures.

And with that, Calvin pushed Hobbes out the kitchen door, and it swung shut.

He spun back around to his body.

"GET UP, YOU LAZY MORON!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Calvin's body suddenly roared to life, as he leaped from his position, and tried to leap on the counter. Unsuccessfully.

"Oh god!" he yelled, frantically. "That electric shock cut off at least five feet from my height!"

"Socrates!" Calvin spat.

Socrates turned and stared at Calvin.

"Oh, hi me!" He grinned, evidentially not shocked at what he was looking at.

Calvin glared at the tiger.

"Socrates, do yo notice something amiss?" He asked, calmly.

Socrates paused.

"Uuh... I'm not out there dancing right now?"

Calvin's expression darkened.

"Or maybe it's because you're in my body and I'm in yours," Socrates shrugged.

Calvin sighed.

"Socrates, may I ask you a personal question?" He said, walking over to him.

"Shoot!" Socrates grinned.

"Have you ever gotten the feeling that you might just be going insane?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Well," Socrates began.

"Well, it's too late because it's already happened!" Calvin interrupted. "Now, perhaps we can get to the elephant in the room?"

Socrates looked around.

Then his eyes lit up.

"OH! Right! You mean the fact that we've switched bodies!" He grinned.

Calvin's eyes squeezed shut.

* * *

Meanwhile, outside at the party, Andy was making an attempt to socialize.

"So, you collect dead animals you find on the side of the road?" He asked, casually, sipping on his punch.

"Raccoons are a rare find, but occasionally you'll see them," Said the guy he was talking to. His hair was all mussed up and he apparently had not showered in several days.

"Hmm," Andy considered. "Well you have fun with that,"

And with that, the boy did his best to disappear into the crowd.

Finally, he found Sherman over by the punch bowl.

"Man, these people are creepy," Andy shivered. "You know one of them thinks everyone here at the party are robot aliens, and we need to build another robot to stop them,"

"Yeah, he's at all of Socrates' parties," Sherman said. "He's still going on about that, huh?"

"Yeah, except now he thinks I'm robot, and he's just divulged top secret information to the enemy."

"Huh," Sherman said. "Where is he now?"

"Hiding in the bathroom," Andy said.

"That sounds about right. Anyway, where is the little lunatic who invited all these freaks?" Sherman asked, looking around.

"I don't know," Andy said. "I haven't seen him or Calvin for about twenty minutes, now."

At that moment, Andy noticed something a bit off. At that moment, he got real stiff.

Sherman looked up.

"What?" He asked.

"We have a plot development stirring." Andy whispered.

Sherman looked around.

There was someone walking towards them.

He was wearing a black hoody, and his face was covered by shadow.

He walked up to the punch bowl, and got a cup.

"Hi," He said, in a hoarse voice.

"Hi there," Andy said, trying to sound causal, but doing a very poor job of it.

"You must be Andy. Socrates has told me a lot about you." The boy said.

"Really?" Andy asked.

"No, actually, he's talked more about the hamster." The boy said, pouring some punch into his cup.

"Oh, why not?" Sherman grumbled.

"I'm Elliot, by the way," The boy said, holding a hand out in greeting.

"Pleasure to meet you," Andy said, taking Elliot's hand. He had an unusually tight grip. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks, dude," Elliot said, making the peace sign and walking away.

Andy and Sherman watched him go.

There was a pause.

"Well," Sherman said. "That was weird. Shall we go find Calvin and share the gossip?"

"Lets," Andy nodded, picking Sherman up, and walking off in the other direction.

* * *

"OK, so let's recap," Socrates said. "You tried to charge the MTM up and we accidentally switched bodies, doing so."

"I was charging up the mini duplicator." Calvin grumbled.

"OK, so ignoring now how that's even possible, let's consider what we should do, now." Socrates said, sitting down.

"Well, we can't tell anybody it's happened!" Calvin said, looking outside.

"How come?" Socrates asked.

"Oh, you know these people! Half of them won't even believe us, and what, might I ask, is the other half going to do?"

"Well, Sherman might have a..."

"No! We don't tell anybody!" Calvin spat, holding his paw up in protest.

Socrates shrugged.

"Whatever," He said. "So what do we do?"

"We're going to have to play it by ear and see what happens," Calvin said. "Come on, let's go back into the party and act natural,"

"I can go with that," Socrates grinned, rushing out the door back into the crowd.

Calvin watched him go.

"Oh god, I just set that thing lose with my body," He groaned.

Socrates went prancing through the crowd, dancing like a loon to the music, as people gave him odd looks.

At that moment Andy and Sherman walked up.

"Jambo, Andrew!" Socrates shouted. "How goes life?"

"Eh, OK," Andy shrugged. "You're in a good mood,"

"Indeed I am!" Socrates grinned. "Life has never been weirder!"

Andy rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, you might find this interesting. We just met Elliot." Sherman said.

Socrates stopped dancing.

"You.. You did?" He asked, slowly.

"Yep. And as we all suspected, he's a bit of an oddball," Andy said.

Socrates paused.

"What did he say?" He asked.

"He said Socrates has spent a lot of time talking about us," Sherman said.

Socrates thought for a moment.

"Huh," He said finally. "Well, are you going to tell Socrates?"

"I don't know, he gets kinda weird whenever we bring up Elliot," Andy said, causing Socrates to grin with satisfaction. "I'm not sure how he'll react,"

"Oh, I'm sure he won't care!" Socrates grinned. "Why don't you go tell him, right now? In fact, there he is, over there!"

Socrates pointed across the room to where Calvin was currently tripping over his tail, trying to get used to it.

Andy and Sherman stared.

"Alright," Andy sighed, walking over to him.

Socrates grinned, and walked after them.

* * *

"WHAT?!?!" Calvin screamed. "WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT, FOR?!?"

Andy and Sherman reeled back, shocked at his outburst.

"Well, he just..." Sherman began.

"You mean to tell me that you met him before I did?!?" Calvin shouted. "How fair is that?!"

"You've never met Elliot?" Sherman asked, his brow furrowing. "He's your owner."

Calvin paused.

"Oh. Right," He said, remembering. "Of course I've met Elliot. I meant Calvin. How fair is it that you met him before Calvin?"

Andy and Sherman exchanged glance.

"Uh.. I don't know." Andy said.

"Well, let this be a lesson to you! The next time some kind of mystery person walks up to you, come get me!"

Andy and Sherman stared.

"You mean Calvin?" Andy asked.

"Of course I mean Calvin!" Calvin spat. "Who do you think I'm talking about?!"

Andy and Sherman began backing away.

"Alright, we'll do that, Socrates," Andy said, turning around. There, he and Sherman encountered Socrates' insane grin plastered all over Calvin's face.

Andy and Sherman stared.

"Are you OK?" Sherman asked.

"Never better!" Socrates grinned. "Life just got a little bit weirder!"

Andy and Sherman backed away, and disappeared into the crowd.

"Should we be concerned about that?" Andy asked.

"I'm sure they'll end up sorting it out, whatever it is," Sherman said. "Let's go get some more food,"

The party progressed.

Soon guests began leaving the mansion, and soon, it was just down to four people. Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman.

Elliot had gone up to his bedroom, and had left Socrates and Calvin were off to themselves talking while Hobbes, Andy and Sherman collected the remains off the snacks table.

"Alright, I'm going to have to send you home with Hobbes," Calvin whispered, looking over his shoulder to make sure nobody could hear him. "Just do my usual routine, and everything will be fine until I find out what to do,"

"Sure," Socrates said, not even pretending to whisper. "I'll just go ahead and pretend to know what your routine is,"

"Good," Calvin, said, evidently not listening to him. "Now, I need to know how you interact with Elliot so he doesn't get suspicious of our situation."

"Uh huh," Socrates grinned.

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin stared at him.

"So...." Calvin started. "How do you interact with him?"

Socrates blinked.

"Oh, you need to know now?" He asked.

Calvin's expression darkened.

"No, I need to know tomorrow. Of course I need to know now!!" He spat.

Socrates shrugged.

"Well, I would go ahead and improvise." He said. "He usually stays in his bedroom and plays the guitar, so I wouldn't worry about it."

"Alright, and where are this kid's parents through all this?" Calvin demanded.

"Florida film festival," Socrates grinned.

"That sounds about right," Calvin grumbled. "So I don't need to worry about them?"

"Nope, not this episode," Socrates said, his attention wandering.

"Calvin?" Hobbes called. "Are you ready to go?"

"YEP-ER-DOODLES!!" Socrates called, holding a hand out in greeting.

Calvin pulled his arm down.

"Don't say that when you're in my body," He said, seriously.

Socrates simply grinned.

"Well," Andy said, as he, Sherman and Hobbes walked up. "It was quite an interesting party, Socrates. Thanks for inviting us,"

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side.

"Oh. Yeah, sure." He said, quickly.

"Are you sure you're OK?" Hobbes asked. "You've been acting a bit off since I woke you up."

Calvin stared.

"Hobbes, I am shocked and astupored that you would think something is off!" He said, crossing his arms.

"astupored isn't a word," Sherman said.

"It is now," Calvin spat.

Sherman rolled his eyes.

After Calvin finally got everybody out of the mansion and silently threatened Socrates not to do anything stupid with his physical being, he got to the next plan of action: Meet Elliot. The boy had been a mystery since Socrates was first introduced in 2005, and after only a few scattered sightings here and there since then, it was finally time to unveil that mystery.

Exciting, huh?

Calvin started up the stairs towards Elliot's bedroom.

All the times he had been to Socrates' place, the door had always been closed. It was never searched when Calvin and the gang were looking for the ghost and so Calvin didn't even know what it looked like inside.

Calvin stared at the door for a long moment. Interestingly enough, it looked like any other door in the Socrates' household.

Finally, he clapped his hands together, and said, "Well, onwards sails the boat," and marched up the door, opened it, and walked into Elliot's bedroom.

* * *

"Well, overall the party was a complete a total success!" Socrates grinned, as he and Hobbes walked down the sidewalk towards the house.

Hobbes looked at him unsurely.

"Uh... Yeah, I guess," He said.

"That Socrates sure is cool, isn't he?!" Socrates asked, turning his usual half-crazed expression onto Hobbes.

Hobbes paused.

"I... I guess." He said.

"I mean, a tiger that amazing should be king of the universe!" Socrates announced.

Hobbes glared at him.

"Of course, you'd be the emperor of the universe," Socrates added.

"Calvin, how hard did you hit your head on the floor, when you passed out?" Hobbes asked.

"That's an incredibly hard question to answer, because I'm not entirely sure which head you're talking about," Socrates said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well did you want to know how hard Calvin hit his head or how hard Socrates hit his head?" Socrates asked.

"I asked you," Hobbes said.

"Yes, well, life is odd," Socrates said. "You might have been asking about him,"

"Who?" Hobbes asked.

"Calvin," Socrates said.

"You are Calvin," Hobbes said, impatiently.

"Right. I meant to say Socrates," Socrates said.

Hobbes sighed.

"Well," He sighed. "I guess this is OK. We haven't had you go stock-ravingly insane for a while, now."

He and Socrates walked into the house.

Mom and Dad were waiting.

"Where were you?" Dad asked, crossing his arms. "You've been gone for hours!"

"Partyin'," Socrates grinned.

Mom and Dad stared at him. They really had not expected to hear that response until he was in his late teens.

"Well, it's half an hour past you're bedtime, so let's go," Mom said, taking Socrates' hand and leading him away.

"Wait! I usually don't go to bed until around three!" Socrates called.

Mom lead Socrates into the bedroom, and lifted him into bed. Hobbes followed shortly behind.

"They have laws against this!" Socrates protested. "I could have you reported to the FCC!!"

Mom rolled her eyes.

"Goodnight, Calvin," She said, tucking the boy in and walking over to the door.

"Wait!" Socrates called.

Mom stopped. "Yes?" She asked.

"You need to set my usual musical lullabies going! I can't fall asleep without Metallica in the background!"

"Goodnight, Calvin," Mom said, turning the light out, and walking out of the room.

Socrates looked around.

"Not even any Evanescence?" He demanded. "What kind of place is this?!"

Hobbes sighed, and climbed into bed.

"You're not going to be complaining all night, are you?" He yawned.

"I may just!" Socrates said. "What the heck am I supposed to listen to, tonight?"

"I don't know," Hobbes groaned, pulling the covers over his head. "Ask MTM to generate some white noise."

Socrates looked across the room, where the MTM was sitting silently.

"Eh, too much trouble," He said. "See tomorrow, ol' buddy!"

"Mm" Hobbes said, from under the covers.

And with that, Socrates dove underneath the covers, and almost instantly fell asleep.

Uh huh.

* * *

Elliot's bedroom was completely insane. There were posters of rock stars all over the place, a couple of them autographed. The walls were painted a dark blue, and the bookcases that weren't filled with CDs were filled with fantasy novels such as Harry Potter, Eragon, Series of Unfortunate Events, and so on and so forth.

And there, sitting on the bed with his jet black mp3 player was Elliot. No one could have seen this coming: The boy was goth. He had messy black hair, a sharp nose but with otherwise roundish features. He was wearing a black T-shirt that read "Out Of My Mind: Please Leave A Message", and black shorts. He looked up and stared at Calvin.

"Oh, hey, Socrates." He said, in that same hoarse voice, switching his player off. "Great party. I really appreciate it."

Calvin was still trying to take in everything that he was looking at.

"Uuh... Thanks," He said, his brow furrowing.

Elliot stared at him.

"You OK?" He asked, studying Socrates' posture.

"Oh, I'm fine," Calvin said. "So, did you have fun?"

"Oh, yeah, tons," Elliot said, stretching a kink of his neck. "I went and talked to that kid with the hamster."

Calvin entered the bedroom.

"Is that a fact?" He asked.

"Yep," He nodded. "Interesting fellow. Kind of an oddball."

"Didn't get to talk to the others huh?" Calvin asked, looking around the bedroom.

Elliot shook his head.

"Who, Calvin and Hobbes? No. I tried walking up to Calvin a couple times, but he kept disappearing into the crowd whenever I did so."

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin stared at Elliot for a long throbbing moment.

Elliot stared back.

"What?" He asked.

"Was this before or after you went and talked to Andy?" Calvin asked, finally.

Elliot blinked.

"Uh... I don't know... before." He shrugged.

"Darn it," Calvin growled under his breath.

"So, what did you do, the time there besides dance like a lunatic?" Elliot asked, turning back to his Ipod and browsing through his songs.

Calvin paused.

"Well..." He started. "I used the electrical discharge from the thunderstorm to build the reproductive properties in a friend's invention,"

Elliot stared.

"I don't get you," He said, finally.

Calvin blinked.

"Well, on the one hand, now you're a year older!" He grinned. "How old are you, now? Seven?"

"Thirty four," Elliot said, looking up.

There was a pause.

Elliot chuckled.

"We've been over this a few times, now, Socrates. I'm twelve." He said.

Calvin chuckled, and pointed.

"Ah! I get it! Humor!"

Elliot stared at him.

"Are you sure you're OK?" He asked.

"I'm great!" Socrates grinned. "Anyway, I must be going to bed."

Elliot checked his watch.

"It's only nine-thirty," He said. "You're going kinda early."

"Yes, well, I need to get up early, tomorrow." Calvin said.

"Why? You usually sleep until like ten in the morning," Elliot said.

"Well, not tomorrow. Goodnight, Elliot!" Calvin said, making his way for the door.

Elliot waved, and put his headphones back his ears.

Calvin left the bedroom, and headed off towards Socrates'.

All the time he had an expression of disgust on his face.

"Stupid Andy, meeting him before I do.... Go through all that trouble... Can't believe it... not fair..." He muttered under his breath, walking into the room, and closing the door behind him.

* * *

The next morning, was absolute hell for Socrates.

"CALVIN! GET UP, RIGHT NOW!!!" Mom called from downstairs. "IF YOU AREN'T UP IN FIVE MINUTES, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TIME FOR BREAKFAST!!!"

"That gives me a good four more minutes of sleep," Socrates groaned, pulling the pillow over his head.

"You might as well just get up." Hobbes said. "The sooner you get down there, the sooner I'll get back to sleep."

"Oh well, I'm sorry to have disturbed your slumber," Socrates grumbled.

After finally sliding out bed, Socrates crawled across the floor towards the dresser, and then climbed inside.

Several drawers opened and closed slightly, before Socrates finally fell out of the top drawer, fully clothed and ready to take on Calvin's day. Well, sort of.

Socrates then proceeded to crawl across the floor towards the door, almost falling back asleep a couple of times, and finally made it to the staircase.

He then pulled his way down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen.

Mom and Dad watched all this unfold.

"This is new," Dad said.

"Calvin, get up," Mom sighed.

Socrates groaned, and slithered into his seat at the table.

His head then collapsed onto the table, and he immediately fell back asleep.

"Calvin!" Mom yelled, sternly.

"Urgle Muddle!" Socrates yelled, his head shooting up.

Mom rolled her eyes and got Calvin's cereal out.

"So, how'd you sleep last night, Calvin?" Dad asked.

"I think I just got cerebral palsy," Socrates said, looking at his right arm.

Mom rolled her eyes and set some Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs in from of him.

"What's this form of torture?" Socrates demanded.

"It's your breakfast. Hurry up and eat it, because you need to get outside." Mom said.

Socrates held up a trembling hand and took hold of his spoon.

He took a small spoonful, and held it up to his mouth.

A couple minutes later, Socrates had just finished his third bowl and seemingly fatal fatigue had miraculously vanished.

"NO I NEED MORE!" Socrates wailed, as Mom pushed him out the door, where the school bus was waiting. "MORE!! MORE!! I'LL DIE WITHOUT MORE!!!"

Mom shoved Socrates into the school bus, and trudged back into the house.

Socrates sat there at the bottom of the steps, trembling slightly.

"Come on, kid, I have other people to pick up," The bus driver moaned.

"Are you a good driver?" Socrates demanded.

"Yes," The driver said, rolling his eyes.

"Because I'm seeing a lot of news coverage about bus drivers who are constantly running over little kids and going off the sides of bridges! I personally think they're all evil!" Socrates announced.

"Go sit down," The driver grumbled.

Socrates looked at the driver suspiciously, but then went and sat down.

For a while, he sat alone, but it wasn't long before Susie took it upon herself to sit next to him.

"Hi, Calvin," She smiled, taking off her backpack and setting it on her lap.

Socrates looked at her suspiciously.

"Jambo," He said, simply.

Susie stared at him.

"What?" She asked.

"Jambo," Socrates said, again, grinning.

"What's that mean?" Susie asked.

Socrates looked shocked.

"You mean to say that I've never used the word Jambo, before?" He said, seemingly horrified.

"What does it mean?" Susie sighed.

"Jambo is Swahili for 'hello' and adventurese for 'I'm glad our paths have crossed'! How is it, I've never used that word, before?!"

"I don't know," Susie shrugged.

"I mean seriously, it's probably one of the best words ever invented by man's throat!"

"Calvin,"

"I'm definitely going to have to speak to myself about this injustice.

"Calvin, it's just a word," Susie sighed.

Socrates stared at Susie in shock.

"Just a word. Just a word?! Do you know what you have just said?!" He yelled.

"I'm going to go sit somewhere else," Susie grumbled, standing up and walking away.

Socrates watched her go.

"OK! See ya later!" He grinned, waving after her.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin was already up, and already enjoying the fact that he didn't have to go to school. He was currently sitting on the couch in the living room, watching cartoons.

Elliot had since left for school, and left Calvin alone. And his plans for the day were watch TV and eat candy. Maybe give a thought or two about how to get back into his own body.

There really isn't much left to cover. That was his entire day.

It wasn't long before Elliot came back from school, and found Calvin sitting on the couch next to several empty Oreo packages.

"Socrates!" Elliot shouted. "You ate all that?!"

"Yep," Calvin groaned, holding his stomach.

Elliot stared at him in disbelief.

"You ate five packages of Oeros in one sitting? Do you know how much I paid for those?"

"I just know how much I'm paying for it," Calvin moaned, sinking deeper into the couch, and holding his stomach in pain.

Elliot groaned.

"You're unbelievable." He sighed, walking over and taking the empty packages. "Did anything come in the mail?"

"Didn't check," Calvin grumbled.

Elliot stared at him.

"And you're just going to assume that freak next door who has that unhealthy stamp obsession didn't go steal it like he always does?"

"Yep," Calvin said.

Elliot sighed, and walked off into the kitchen to throw the Oreo packages away.

"So how was your day in prison?" Calvin asked, staring after him.

"Fine," Elliot said, walking back inside. "Got a lot of homework to do, though."

Calvin's heart sank.

"Well, don't be thinking I'm going to be doing it!" He shouted. "I'm on a day off!"

Elliot stared at Calvin.

"What makes you think I want you to do it?" He asked.

Calvin paused.

"Oh. You don't?" He asked.

"No," Elliot said, shaking his head.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well," Calvin said, turning back to the TV. "I'm glad we cleared that up. You have fun."

Elliot rolled his eyes and headed up to his bedroom.

As he closed the door behind him, he belched, and sank deeper into the couch, moaning.

* * *

Earlier that day, Socrates had just arrived at Calvin's school, and was attempting to carry on Calvin's usual routine.

This proved to be more trouble than it was really worth.

Socrates walked down the hallway, trying to figure out which locker was his own.

Eventually, he decided to look for Susie and ask her. Although seeing how this particular elementary school had like two thousand kids in it, this also proved to be more trouble than it was worth.

As Socrates fought his way through the mass of kids, he came across the last person he needed to see at that moment: Moe.

Moe advanced over Socrates, and held out his hand.

"Alright, twerp, it's gonna cost you twenty five cents to be my friend today."

Socrates paused.

"My, friends are getting expensive these days," He grinned.

"Give me the money, Twinky."

"Ya know, I've never really got that nickname," Socrates said. "It doesn't really fit me at all. I don't even really like twinkies."

There was a pause.

"How did you come up with name, anyway?" He asked.

Moe stuck his nose into Socrates' face.

"Give me the money," He growled.

Socrates studied Moe up and down as if sizing him up.

"What would happen if I didn't give you any money?" He asked.

Moe did a punch into his palm.

"Then the janitor will have to carry you to the hospital in a match box." He threatened.

Socrates paused for a moment.

"I see, I see," He considered.

He looked around several times at all the doors and the clock hanging on the wall.

Finally, he took out a quarter and handed it to Moe.

"Here you are, my friend," He grinned.

Moe smirked.

"Smart move, twit," He said, turning to walk away.

"Well you know, it wasn't a very difficult decision to make," Socrates said. "I immediately had to take into consideration that your current financial situation must be incredibly dire if you're fishing twenty five cents off of classmates."

Moe stopped.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he growled, turning around.

"Oh, well just the fact that you really got the pity vote working for ya," Socrates said. "I must admit I couldn't have worked it better myself."

"Are you saying I'm broke?" Moe demanded, storming up to Socrates.

"Broke? Wouldn't say that all." Socrates said, shaking his head. "You have twenty five cents, now. Saying you were broke would be a little untrue. I'll just carry on with my usual ten dollar a day allowance back home."

"Why you...." Moe growled, holding a fist up.

_BRRRIIIIIIIING!!_

At that moment the bell went off and kids started heading into their respective classrooms. Like sheep, I might add.

Moe stopped.

"I'm going to get you at recess, Twinky," He hissed, storming away.

Socrates simply grinned.

"Again with that name," He said. "I must say, it seems a little odd and out of place."

Moe trudged off to his classroom, growling words not suitable for a K plus rated story.

Socrates smiled, knowingly, and walked off towards his own classroom, taking his sweet time.

* * *

Calvin, meanwhile, was completely conked out sound asleep in Socrates' bedroom. He was enjoying having a bed to himself for once, and he enjoyed the extra-spacious room. He snored lightly, enjoying the soft comfy pillows.

But then his head jerked up in shock.

"GAH!" he gasped. "I just had the most terrifying dream! I dreamt I was completely out of food! Thank goodness it was just a…"

Calvin trailed off when he saw what the room looked like.

Empty cartons of milk and orange juice were tossed everywhere. Empty packages of cookies and empty bags of potato chips were strewn all over the place. Empty soda cans were lying empty all over the room.

"Whew…," he said, looking around. "Look at all the dead soldiers."

Then a light came on in his head.

"Wait a minute… I _am _out of food! And unless I miss my guess, I'm probably going to have to clean this up!"

Then he heard Elliot's voice from downstairs.

"Socrates! What'd you do with all the snacks?!"

Calvin gulped.

"Okay, I've had my fun! Now I've got to find a way to switch Socrates and me back!"

And with that, Calvin threw open the window and proceeded to climb down the gutter.

"Oof," he muttered. "I think maybe I shouldn't have had that after-dinner mint!"

* * *

Recess came rather quickly, as it seem to do when something vaguely important is going to happen.

Moe and his usual gang of thugs were stalking around the playground looking for Calvin. However, Socrates was already preparing for their arrival.

"There he is," Moe growled, pointing towards the swing set.

"What's he doing with those blueprints?" One of Moe's buddies asked.

"Who cares?" Moe grumbled. "Let's just go get him."

And with that, the three goons started moving in towards Socrates.

Socrates was sitting in a swing, studying the blueprints in his hands. He rubbed his chin in deep thought, as three long, dark shadows loomed over him.

Socrates looked up.

He stared at Moe and his gang for a few seconds.

"Oh, hi," He grinned. "Lovely day, huh?"

"You're not going to be thinking that for very long," Moe growled, grabbing Calvin's shirt, and yanking him out of the swing.

"Wait, Moe! Wait!" Socrates said, holding his hands out as Moe raised his fist. "Before you hit me, let me just ask you a quick question!"

Moe paused.

"What?" He grunted.

"Does it seem at all odd to you that I would say something like that in the school hallway, that would clearly offend you and cause you to decide you need to beat me up when there aren't authorities watching? Why would I say that, if I wasn't mind-ninjaing you into coming to a remote part of the school, where I have a plan?"

Moe and his gang exchanged knowing grins and chuckles.

"What could you possibly have planned?" He demanded.

"Look up," Socrates said, pointing up.

Moe and the other two kids, who don't seem to have names now that I think about it, turned their gazes skyward.

There was a giant net hanging in the tree right above them. And contained in this net were several water balloons that were clearly filled with something white.

Of course, it was mayonnaise. Socrates' favorite condiment.

"Funny how you didn't notice that when you walked up," Socrates said. And without a moment to spare, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a pocket knife, which he in turn flung at the trunk of the tree.

With precise aim, the tiger managed to strike the rope that was holding the water balloons in the air.

_TWANG!!!_

Just as it was planned, Moe dropped Socrates in shock, as the net fell downwards towards them, giving Socrates enough time to slip out from underneath it.

_**SPLAT!!!**_

There was a long moment of silence.

Moe and his goons sat in a giant puddle of mayonnaise, glaring straight ahead.

Socrates watched from the swing set.

"Can I have my quarter back?" He asked, finally, walking up to Moe, and holding his hand out.

Moe looked ready to kill Socrates, but decided to hold back, not knowing what else was hidden around them.

"Here!" He spat, shoving the coin into Socrates' hand.

"Hey! Thanks!" Socrates grinned. "I'll look at this as a free soda!"

And with that, he pranced away, leaving three bullies to try and regain their composure.

* * *

Later that day after school, Socrates walked up to the soda machine, and slipped the quarter in.

Humming a tune to himself, he pushed some buttons on it, and collected his drink from the bottom of the machine.

He then took a long sip from it, and turned around and walk back towards the school.

However, instead, he walked right into a tall white tower of fuzz.

Socrates looked up.

Calvin was glaring down at him with his arms crossed.

"Spending my money now are you?!?" He growled.

"Actually, I got this from your old friend, Moe." Socrates said, grinning.

Calvin stared at the tiger for a long moment.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," He said. "Now, I think it's time we start figuring out how to get back into our own bodies."

"Lovely suggestion!" Socrates grinned. "I vote we go see Sherman and...."

"NO!" Calvin spat. "We're not telling them! We have to stick to the confines of my own technology!"

"Meaning what?" Socrates asked.

"The MTM must have something we can use," Calvin said, taking a step back. "We'll go home and ask him."

"Does the MTM have anything that can switch minds?" Socrates asked.

"Why not?" Calvin shrugged. "He has everything else."

* * *

"No, I can't do that," MTM said, later on back at the house, sounding as if he was rolling his eyes.

"WHAT?!" Calvin asked, his eyes bulging. "Well what am I supposed to do?! I can't live my life as Socrates!"

"Well," MTM considered. "I thought I heard Sherman was inventing something along the lines of psychic transference."

"WE CAN'T TELL SHERMAN!!" Calvin screamed.

"Tell Sherman what?" Hobbes asked, walking into the bedroom with a comic book.

"NOTHING!!!" Calvin screamed, whipping around. "NOTHING IS WRONG!!!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"Are you OK, Socrates?" He asked.

"I'm good!" Socrates called from the bed.

Hobbes turned and stared at Socrates.

"I wasn't talking to you," Hobbes said, sighing.

"Yeah, you were," Socrates said, his brow furrowing.

"NO HE WASN'T!!" Calvin screamed. "HE WAS TALKING TO ME!!!"

"Alright, I need to know what the heck is wrong with you two lunatics," Hobbes groaned. "Why are you acting like complete opposites, all of a sudden?"

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side.

"We're... we're not acting like complete opposites!" He said, finally deciding to calm down. What makes you think we are?"

"Yeah," MTM added. "Judging by their brainwaves, they're both only unable to remember anything that's happened to them and they're have the other person's memories,"

"MTM!!" Calvin shouted.

"That was a confusing phrase," Socrates said. "Because I still have all of my memories."

"Yes, but implying the fact that no one knows that you're in this state, and when you strip it all down, the basic definition is that you haven't switched minds. You've switched memories,"

Socrates considered that.

"Please explain," He said, tapping his chin.

"Yeah, what are you talking about?" Hobbes demanded.

"Well, the blast of electricty that knocked you out at Elliot's birthday party, left you both with automatic amnesia." MTM explained. "But since you both were wired up at the time of the blast, your memories were temporarily stored in the wiring before finally heading back into your minds. Except, they went into the wrong bodies. And so what has happened is that you have lost your original memories and you've gained the memories of the other person. And since a high percentage of people's personalities come from their life experiences, that's why you act each other."

There was a pause.

Socrates thought about that.

"So, I'm not me?" He asked.

"Yes, you are you," MTM sighed. "You're just in Calvin's body,"

This whole time, Hobbes had been staring at Calvin, Socrates and the MTM like they had all lost their minds. It wasn't until that last phrase that his eyes popped open with realization.

"You switched minds?" He asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Calvin didn't want me to," Socrates said, turning to Hobbes.

"Why not?" Hobbes demanded.

"Because I don't want people to know I'm Socrates, now," Calvin grumbled.

Hobbes, Socrates and the MTM all rolled their eyes.

"Well, we better go see Sherman," Hobbes sighed.

Calvin groaned.

"Why is everybody going on about Sherman?" He complained. "It's bad enough you and the MTM know, now! Why do we have to drag the hamster into this?"

"Do you want to get back into your own body or not?" Hobbes asked, crossing his arms.

Calvin paused.

"Let's go see Sherman," He grumbled.

"Good," Hobbes said.

And with that, Calvin picked the MTM up, and they all headed off towards Andy's.

* * *

"You switched minds in the electrical storm?" Sherman asked. "Why didn't you tell me, sooner? I have a machine that can switch you back!"

"Oh, shut up," Calvin grumbled, sinking to Sherman's lab chair.

* * *

A bit later, after all the comedy had sorted through, Calvin and Socrates were both laying down on steel tables in the middle of the lab, wired up to Sherman's giant computer. They also had metal helmets on their heads.

Andy and Hobbes were standing watch over the procedure, while Sherman sat at his computer typing.

"Alright," Sherman said. "In about thirty seconds you're going to go into a sedative state while your memories are switched back. The whole process should take about five minutes,"

"Goody!" Socrates grinned. "And you're sure you'll get all of them?"

Sherman stared at him.

"Pretty sure," He said, finally.

"Oh boy!" Socrates grinned.

"I better not get back into my body to find you injured part of it or something!" Calvin threatened.

"Right, because I'm sure you noticed all of the debilitating injuries on my own body," Socrates said.

Calvin grumbled and turned away.

There was a pause.

"We only get five minutes without them?" Hobbes asked, turning to Sherman.

"HEY!" Calvin and Socrates yelled in unison.

Sherman rolled his eyes as the machine switched on and Calvin and Socrates were immediately knocked unconscious.

* * *

Calvin's eyes fluttered open.

He looked around the room surrounding him. He was in Sherman's lab.

It took him a few seconds to remember what had happened to him. After a quick surveillance of the area, he saw right off the bat that Socrates was gone.

Quickly, he looked down at his own body. Relief flooded his mind as he saw a red striped T-shirt and black pants.

Calvin sat up and looked around.

No one was around.

He pulled the wires off his arm, took the helmet off his head, and stepped onto the ground.

"Hobbes?" He asked, looking around. "Sherman? Andy?"

At that moment, Hobbes came down into the lab.

"Ah! You're up!" He grinned.

Calvin stared at him.

"Yes, I'm up!" He growled. "You mean to tell me you switched our minds back, woke Socrates up, and then just left?"

"No, Socrates woke up on his own," Hobbes said. "You didn't wake up for another seven minutes it looks like,"

Calvin's eyes burst open.

"And you weren't the least bit concerned about that?!"

"No, because Sherman said you still had a pulse."

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN A DARN THING!!!"

"You better come on upstairs," Hobbes said, deciding it was time to change the subject. "We have a visitor,"

Calvin glared at Hobbes, grumbled and then followed him up the stairs.

Would you like to take a wild guess at who was visiting Andy? Mr Mystery himself.

Elliot was sitting on Andy's couch, drinking a cup of Kool-Aid. He was wearing his usual black Nike hoody, but this time with the head down and without sunglasses, so he didn't look like Brittany Spears going to the grocery store.

He looked up from his conversation from Andy, Sherman and Socrates as Calvin and Hobbes walked out of the lab.

"Hey there," He said, holding a hand out in greeting. "You must be Calvin,"

Calvin stared at Elliot in disbelief.

There was a long moment of silence.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"So, let me get this straight," Calvin sighed. "You come here and meet Andy, Sherman and Hobbes before I can properly meet you?"

Elliot paused.

"Erm... I guess so,"

"Well, why not?" He grumbled.

"Well," Elliot said, patting Calvin on the back as he sat down. "The bright side is that I've heard a lot about you!"

"You have?" Calvin asked.

"Oh, sure," Elliot nodded. "You're pretty much all Socrates talks about. But since I never really ever saw you before, I was beginning to doubt you even existed."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Yes well," Socrates sighed. "I have to admit I'm entirely devastated, now that you guys have met,"

Calvin glared at Socrates.

"Yeah, why is that?" He demanded. "Ever since we first asked to meet Elliot back when we met you, you kept putting it off, changing the subject, and basically did everything in your power to even keep us from knowing the kid's name."

"Well, it's either because he's ashamed of his owner or he took some kind of weird joy out of watching you guys wonder about me," Elliot yawned.

There was a pause.

Socrates scanned the group.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman's eyes had all blanked out, as they thought about what Elliot said.

Suddenly, it became quite clear why the tiger didn't want them meeting Elliot. It was yet another nutcase game of his that had managed to stretch out over a four year period.

"Wow, you know him well," Andy said.

Elliot shrugged.

"I live with him," He said.

"Well, that's one less thing you can hang over our heads, now," Calvin grinned, turning to Socrates.

The tiger shrugged.

"Not to worry," Socrates said. "I have a backup plan."

Everyone stared at him.

"What backup plan?" Elliot asked.

"His brother!" Socrates yelled, his fist going to the sky. "You guys didn't even know about him! He ought to keep me occupied for another four years."

"Elliot has a brother?" Andy asked. "What's his name?"

"I'll tell you in two years," Socrates said.

Everyone heaved a deep sigh.

"Well," Elliot said, standing up. "I must be off. Socrates has quite a mess to clean up when he gets home."

"I got a what?" Socrates asked, looking up.

"Wait a minute!" Calvin yelled, quickly changing the subject. "I still have a question I need to ask you!"

Elliot paused.

"What?" He asked.

"Why do you wear sunglasses and a hoody in your own house?" He demanded.

"It makes me look cool," Elliot said.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Oh," Calvin said, finally.

"He's Socrates' owner, alright," Hobbes whispered under his breath.

And so, after Calvin and the gang said their goodbyes to Elliot and Socrates, and expressed great joy at finally figuring out who this kid was, the tiger and boy headed off towards their mansion down the street.

Calvin and the gang watched them depart.

"Well," Calvin said, turning to Andy and Sherman. "We finally met Elliot."

"Yep," Sherman said, crossing his arms. "And I must say, he's quite a...."

There was a short pause.

"...An interesting character" He said, finally.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Wasn't entirely what I expected, though," Hobbes admitted. "When I first met Socrates, I pictured Elliot to be a half-crazy lunatic like him."

"Well, in his own special little way, I have a feeling he is," Calvin said.

Andy shrugged.

"Well, I guess this wraps up yet another chapter in the Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman legacy,"

"Yeah, I guess so," Hobbes said. "We'll see you later now, Andy."

"Alright," Andy said. "See you later, Calvin, Hobbes,"

"See you later, Andy," Calvin and Hobbes grinned, as the two walked away towards their own house.

Andy sighed.

"Well, the mystery is over," He said, as he walked into the house, closing the door behind him.

"Well, on the one hand, now we have Elliot's brother to wonder about," Sherman shrugged.

* * *

Meanwhile, across the street, a dark figure was standing by a tree watching this whole scene unfold.

He had a white lab coat on and a rather ridiculous hairstyle upon his head. Before you jump to the conclusion of Dr Brainstorm, may I point out, he had a golden "H" tattooed on his forehead.

Holographic Retro stood at the tree glaring at the door with utter disgust and hatred.

"I can't believe it." He growled. "If that red tiger hadn't have been there, Calvin's memories would've been vaporized out of existence and I would have completed my goal."

He growled and looked skyward.

"Every plan so far has failed since the Imaginator." He moaned. "I took out their electricity for a week, I charged Electro back up to kill them in their house, I attacked them when the Platonians invaded Annkor and now this! Nothing is working!!"

Retro slammed his fist into the tree trunk next to him in frustration.

"I'm sick of playing these games with him," He growled, staring towards Calvin and Hobbes' house. "I'm through trying to be subtle about it! It's time I resorted to drastic measures."

Retro turned and started walking the other direction.

"This is my last failed plan," He growled as he disappeared into the darkness. "It's time to resort to the big one,"

**To Be Continued...**

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon** Calvin  
**Tom Hanks** Hobbes  
**Ryan Stiles** Socrats  
**Andrew Lawrence** Andy  
**Colin Mochrie **Sherman  
**Norman Lovett** MTM  
**Dakota Fanning** Susie  
**Elisabeth Daly **Moe  
**Jennifer Love Hewitt **Mom  
**Bill Murray **Dad  
**Josh Hutcherson **Elliot  
**Kurtwood Smith **Holographic Retro  
**Dee Bradly Baker** Various

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Our Solemn Hour


	29. Our Solemn Hour P1

_And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series  
Part one written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie_

**Our Solemn Hour**

Hobbes opened his eyes, and looked around the bedroom surrounding him.

There was a small collage hanging from the ceiling, swaying back and forth slightly.

The tiger turned, and looked out the window. The bright pink lights of the sun were climbing up over the horizon, signaling that he was getting up rather early.

Hobbes sat up in bed stretched his back and yawned.

He turned and glanced at Calvin. He was still sound asleep.

Yawning, again, Hobbes stepped off of the bed, and did a couple more stretches before deciding it was time for breakfast.

"I'm headin' out for some nourishment, Calvin," He said, getting a kink out of his neck.

"Uh," Calvin said, rolling over in bed.

"You want anything?"

"Mm," Calvin grumbled, pulling the covers up to his head.

Hobbes shrugged.

"Suit yourself. I'll get first pick of the Saturday cartoons."

Calvin, however, had already fallen back asleep, so he didn't hear Hobbes' last statement.

Hobbes yawned, again, and headed towards the door. Upon arriving to it, he promptly opened it, and walked off into the hallway.

Rubbing sleep out of his eyes, Hobbes shuffled across the floor towards the direction of the stairs.

"Wow, it sure is dark, this morning," He yawned. "I should probably open some curtains and get some light in here,"

The tiger turned towards the wall, and started searching for the hallway window.

It was gone.

Hobbes stared at the wall for a long moment, before he suddenly realized something of vague importance.

"Hmm," He said, looking around. "I don't exactly recall having such a long corridor in our house,"

He continued looking around.

"I also don't remember the walls being jet black, and yet kind of glowing a red color," He considered.

Indeed, Hobbes was, instead of being in the hallway he was used to, was in a dark corridor that seemed to stretch on forever straight ahead. The walls, floor and ceiling were black and yet were giving off a light red glow.

There was a pause as Hobbes looked around the way around him. Then his plan of action was decided.

_ZOOM!!!_

In an explosion of orange, Hobbes vanished as he flew back in the other direction into Calvin's bedroom.

Luckily, the bedroom was still there, as Hobbes ran through the door and looked around in all directions. Calvin's bedroom still looked exactly the same. The MTM was sitting on the desk,  
Calvin was asleep, the sun was still coming up over the horizon...

Hobbes paused as he stared out the window.

Then, he ran over to, it quickly opened it up.

It was then that Hobbes realized that the sun coming over the horizon was simply painted onto the window. Upon ripping it open, Hobbes revealed nothing a black wall.

Now in panic mode, Hobbes wheeled around and took it upon himself to alert Calvin of this apparent misfortune they had come upon.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!" He screamed, jumping back into bed, and covering his head with a pillow.

It was then that Calvin was jolted awake, and went tumbling to the floor, as Hobbes shoved him off.

"HEY!" He yelled, glaring at the bed. "What the heck do you think you're doing?!"

"Dying," Hobbes moaned.

"Oh knock it off," Calvin said, standing up and dusting himself off. "What the heck is your problem, now?"

"We're gonna die," Hobbes mumbled.

"We are not. Get off my side you big cretain!" Calvin shoved Hobbes aside and climbed back into his bed.

"Our backyard went missing," Hobbes whimpered.

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. What kind of demented spirit would possess you to say…"

Hobbes jabbed his finger at the window causing Calvin to look up.

He stared at the black wall standing in the place of where they would usually see their backyard.

Then he turned back to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, do you know what your problem is?" He said, finally. "You're too morbid. You see someone threw up a black piece of cardboard in front of our window and you immediately assume we're going to die for some reason."

"I thought my problem was that I take too many things personally." Hobbes said.

"You have a lot of problems, Hobbes," Calvin said. "But, may I ask you if you tried tipping that little wall over?"

Hobbes paused.

"Well…." He started.

"So you see," Calvin said. "The obvious solution is to simply kick it over, and I'll have solved your little problem."

And with that, Calvin walked over to the wall, and pushed on it. It didn't move. He pushed on it again. Nothing happened.

Next he tried punching it. Not the best idea.

_BANG!_

"OW!"

He reeled back and held his fist in pain.

"Stupid wall!" he groaned. "OK, obviously, this is the work of Socrates, he's propped some brick up against it or something, and that's the cause of this."

"Have you seen the hallway, yet?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin heaved a deep sigh,

"No, Hobbes, I have not seen the hallway, yet. Is there something important there?"

Hobbes nodded and went back under the covers.

Calvin mumbled to himself about all the sleep he was losing and walked over to his door.

He opened it, and stared straight ahead into the dark corridor.

There was a moment of silence.

"OK, I admit that's a bit odd," He said, turning back to Hobbes.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

There was another pause as Calvin stared down the hallway.

"Well, I suppose we better consult the MTM about this one," He decided, finally.

* * *

The red scanning light from the MTM went up and down the black wall outside the window.

"Hm," He said. "Very odd, that is. I think what I better do is scan the walls outside in the hallways, because I can't really get a very good point here,"

Calvin nodded and carried MTM out the door into the long corridor in front of him. Hobbes followed.

MTM continued to scan the area.

"Very strange," MTM considered. "According to my scanners, we are everywhere, but nowhere."

There was a moment of silence.

"So what does that mean?" Hobbes asked.

"It means I don't know where we are," MTM replied.

Calvin and Hobbes sighed.

"Well, I suppose we better get back in my bedroom, and see if I can…" Calvin turned to go back into his room, but stopped. Hobbes looked as well. Calvin's door had vanished, leaving a black wall in its place. Calvin, Hobbes and the MTM were trapped.

"Ooh, that's never good," MTM thought out loud.

There was a silence as Calvin tried to piece all of this together. Then it hit him.

"Retro did this," He said, finally.

Hobbes looked over at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Retro," Calvin repeated. "He's the one who's trapped us in here."

"How do you know that?" Hobbes asked.

"Well think about it, Hobbes, would Dr Brainstorm be able to accomplish something like this?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes thought about that.

"Well,"

"And do you actually think Rupert and Earl could with their crew weighing them down every step of the way?"

"Hm,"

"Retro is the only of our main villains that isn't being held back by mind-numbing stupidity or sidekicks suffering from mind-numbing stupidity. This was too well planned out."

"Excellent conclusion, brat," Came a sickening voice from behind them.

Calvin and Hobbes whipped around, and stared ahead in horror.

Holographic Retro was standing in the hallway, smiling wickedly at Calvin and Hobbes.

"Welcome to my reality," He said, holding his hands out in front of him.

Calvin glared at him.

"OK, now this is quite hilarious, Retty," He threatened, aiming the MTM out at him. "But, I'm afraid I'm ready to go back,"

Retro stared at him.

"Are you now?" He asked, crossing his arms.

There was a pause.

"Uh, yes please," Hobbes whimpered.

"Shut up, Hobbes, you're not helping," Calvin spat.

"I'm afraid your chances of getting back home are quite slim, friends," Retro chuckled. "For you see, after all my previous failed attempts, I've finally completed my year long goal,"

There was a pause.

"What was that?" MTM asked.

Retro glared at him.

"For the past year and a half I've been using the molecular construction unit from my holographic hardware to tap in a dimension that just happens to be empty," He paused to make sure they were still listening. You see, it's usually around this time that Calvin's attention starts wandering and Hobbes just goes into total and complete denial about the whole thing, and shuts everything out. However, this time they were both listening intently. "Good. Now, while this was going on, I've been trying to kill you in order to save me trouble of going through all this. I cut your power off for a week, I recharged Electro to kill you, I planned the whole "Save Aankor plan", and I tried to erase your memories through that electrical storm last week, but that stupid cat got in the way, and all it did was switch your minds!" Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances. "Now since then, I have been using the equipment in my hardware to create my own reality in this dimension. It took an entire year to get everything the way I wanted it, but now I've finally gained complete control over this dimension's structure and… are you following all of this?"

"Sort of," Calvin shrugged.

"Whatever," Retro sighed, looking away.

"How the heck did you get us here?" Hobbes demanded.

Retro chuckled.

"That's what's great about it. I got a piece of your DNA from when you blew your nose on Aankor into that tissue, since then I've now got the Molecular Reassembler unit to teleport you into this dimension, where you are now trapped and at the mercy of my will," He grinned, wickedly and crossed his arms in satisfaction.

There was a silence as Calvin and Hobbes took this all in.

"Hmm," MTM said. "Well, my day is shot,"

"But since I'm a fair man, I'm giving you a sporting chance," Retro grinned, evilly, crossing his arms. "I'm giving one hour to find your way out of this maze before the walls close up around you and crush you. I'm even letting you bring the CD player to make it entertaining."

"Oi!" MTM yelled.

"You can't do this!" Calvin yelled. "This is just some other big stupid plan we're going to end up foiling and you'll complain about it for a while before you come up with some other hair brained scheme!"

"I really doubt that, Calvin," Retro said, taking a step back, and pulling a remote control out of his pocket. Before he disappeared into the darkness, he pushed the button and turned one last insane grin onto the trio.

There was a moment of silence as they all stared at where Retro had just been.

"We're going to miss Spongebob, now, aren't we?" Hobbes sighed.

Calvin shook his head.

"I'm afraid we are," He grumbled. "In fact this might even interfere with World's Dumbest."

Hobbes moaned.

"Well, I suppose we better get to work on finding a way out," Calvin grumbled, turning and facing the wall where his bedroom once was.

He stopped. He looked around. The wall had suddenly vanished. Instead, the corridor just continued downwards.

Calvin's eyes drifted to the floor. It was suddenly vibrating wildly.

"Hm," He considered. "Hobbes?"

"Yes?" Hobbes asked.

"Perhaps we should move in the other direction,"

"How come?"

"Because I think something is coming down this way." Calvin said.

Hobbes squinted down the corridor.

"Perhaps so. Alright. Lead the way."

Calvin nodded, and started running in the other direction, with Hobbes following right behind him.

"Alright, MTM," Calvin said, looking around the area. "I need you to find a safe path for us to go through,"

"Do you now?" MTM yawned. "May I remind you that I have absolutely no idea where we are, so I can't really help you in that area."

"Make a wild guess," Calvin said, groaning.

"Very well," MTM yawned. "There's a right turn coming up."

"Where?" Calvin asked.

There was a pause.

"On your right," MTM sighed.

"Don't get smart with me!" Calvin spat, turning right at a tunnel next to him.

They kept running following MTM's lead which, for the time being, seemed to be leading them into the proper direction.

However, it wasn't long before they all came to a dead end.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

"OK, not this way," MTM said. "I really need to do a scan of this place so I can get some proper directions,"

"How long will that take?" Hobbes asked.

"Depends on how large the place is." MTM said.

Calvin looked around.

"Well, you better get to it," He said, finally. "I think something's following us,"

"Processing," MTM replied, going into scan mode.

There was a pause as they let MTM do his thing.

Suddenly, the small CD player uttered the words neither Calvin nor Hobbes wanted to hear.

"Hm, that's weird,"

Calvin and Hobbes moaned.

"What is it?" Hobbes demanded.

"I'm doing the scan, but the pathways aren't consistent. One pathway I see will come to a dead end, and when I turn around to go the other way, it's disappeared."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, what does that mean?" Calvin asked.

MTM sighed.

"Well, in Lyman's terms, it means the tunnels are changing," He said, as if this was clearly the most obvious thing in the world.

Calvin glared at him.

"OK, well just tell us where to go," He grumbled.

There was a pause as MTM examined the maze.

"I don't know," he said, finally.

There was a throbbing moment of silence

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the small computer. They couldn't remember the last time MTM didn't know what to do, and in truth, it sent a pretty chilling scare down their spines.

"Oo-kay," Calvin said, looking around. "So what's plan B?"

"We avoid the flood of molten lava that's coming down the tunnels towards us." MTM said, yawning.

"We avoid the what?" Hobbes asked, looking at MTM in fear.

Suddenly, the ground began trembling again.

Calvin and Hobbes looked up and stared down the tunnel from where they had come.

Indeed there was a rather large mass of red, black and orange pushing it's way through the tunnel towards Calvin and Hobbes.

They stared at it for a moment.

"Hm," Calvin said. "Here Comes the Flood,"

"Indeed," Hobbes nodded.

There was another pause.

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!**_"

Screaming their lungs out, Calvin and Hobbes spun around and raced to the other end of the hallway. There, they slammed in, and began pushing against themselves against it.

They banged on the wall for several seconds, before Hobbes looked over his shoulder and saw the lava was less than twelve feet in front of them and closing in.

"There's No Way Out!" Hobbes groaned, sinking to his knees, and covering his head.

Calvin looked around, frantically searching the area for some means of escape. There was nothing. They were cornered.

Refusing to accept his fate, Calvin ran over to the other wall and began slamming his fists into it, violently.

Hobbes watched for a moment, before deciding to join him. It seemed to be the best thing they could do at that moment.

For several seconds they punched the wall, while the lava closed the gap between it and them.

And just when it seemed like there was no other chance of escape, Hobbes noticed something.

The upper half of the wall seemed to be softer and more flimsy than the bottom half. He examined it for a quick second, then gave it one hard punch right in the middle.

_CRACK!!_

Suddenly, the top half fell over, revealing that it was in fact a doorway leading to a darkened hallway.

Hobbes stared inside for a short moment, before quickly scurrying over it.

Once inside, he spun around, and reached for Calvin.

"Calvin!" He shouted, holding his hand out. "Come on!!"

It was at this point that Calvin decided to pause from the emergency, to look up, see that Hobbes had leaped to safety, and give him a disbelieving expression.

There was a pause.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"So let me clarify this for all the good people back home," Calvin said, slowly. "You found a secret passageway, and took it upon yourself to save your _own _worthless hide, before you even notice _me_?"

Hobbes blinked.

"Um..."

"And the only reason I know that tunnel doesn't lead right back into my bedroom is because you stayed here to get _me _up, right?" Calvin demanded.

"Calvin, the lava," Hobbes sighed, pointing behind Calvin.

"Forget about the stupid lava!" Calvin spat, now going into lecture mode. "I'm talking to you! Now, another reason, I'm sure, of why you decided to stay and save me is because that tunnel is probably dark, and you don't want to go through it without a flashlight. Am I right, you little weasel? And furthermore, if there was a secret passageway there, why didn't you at least.... HEY!!"

Suddenly, Hobbes reached down and yanked Calvin off the floor by his shirt collar and dragged him into the passageway with him just as the lava engulfed the rest of the tunnel.

Calvin and Hobbes lie in a heap on the floor, the MTM just a few feet away.

Silence filled the land.

Calvin turned to Hobbes and glared at him.

"Well?" He asked. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Hobbes heaved a deep sigh and sat up.

"What I want to know is why the MTM didn't know that secret passageway was _there_!" Hobbes groaned, closing the wall up in front of him.

"Hmm?" MTM said, upon hearing his name. "Oh, that? I did know."

Silence.

"You _did _know?" Calvin said, slowly.

"Mm-hmm," MTM said.

"Well, why didn't you _say _something?!" Calvin groaned.

"Because I checked about a minute into the future, and saw you weren't going to die, so I didn't think it was important." MTM said.

"You didn't think it was _important_?!" Hobbes demanded. "It only took off about five years from my life expectancy!"

"Oh, that can be solved quite easily," MTM said. "They say laughing adds one year to your life expectancy. So I say you should go on ahead and laugh five times."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the MTM in utter disbelief at what they were hearing.

"Forget it," Calvin grumbled, picking the CD player up. "Come on, Hobbes. Let's go see where this leads."

And with that, that trio straightened up, dusted themselves off, and started off into the Darkness. Safe for the time being.

* * *

The hallway was long and dark. Calvin had to turn on the MTM's flashlight to see ahead.

"It stretches out so far!" Calvin complained. "You'd think Retro would have the decency to install some sort of conveyance system or something."

"You know, it could be that we'll feel better about the destination if we take the time to get their first," Hobbes replied.

"Don't get all philosophical now, Hobbes. We're lost in a giant maze that could very well squish us like ants, and you're taller than me, so I'll have to watch you squish before I die. I'll have to die with _that _image in my mind!"

"Gee, thanks pal," Hobbes grumbled. "That makes me feel so much better."

"MTM, how much time do we have left?"

"It's only been about seven minutes since we started," MTM said. "We've got plenty of time."

They walked in silence a bit longer.

Calvin then quietly started singing to himself.

"_Sanctus Espiritus_…," he sang under his breath. "_…redeem us from our solemn hour_. _Sanctus Espiritus…insanity is all around us._"

"Look!" Hobbes said suddenly, pointing ahead.

Calvin squinted down the corridor, aiming MTM's flashlight down it.

At the end of the light's source, he could just make out a ladder that led up a short ways and headed into what looked like a storage compartment.

Not wasting any time, Calvin and Hobbes ran down the corridor towards it. Calvin immediately grabbed on the rungs and proceeded to pull himself quickly up the ladder. Once he was up a ways, Hobbes followed on.

The ladder was very long, but after a good thirty seconds of climbing, Calvin and Hobbes were able to haul themselves up and into the hole in the wall.

When they climbed up, they found themselves in a small room with a low ceiling that they were forced to crawl around in. Calvin got down on his hands and knees, and Hobbes prowled around on his paws very lightly.

What they found was found was a blank wall.

"Great," Calvin grunted, glaring at the wall.

They turned around to see to the way they'd come in, but they found that the entryway had vanished.

"No!" Hobbes cried. "Now we're trapped!"

"No we're not. Look," MTM piped up.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at the other wall, only to find it was gone and now replaced with an exit.

Cautiously, Calvin crawled forward and poked his head out.

"Holy Good Gravy…," he breathed.

Gulping, Hobbes went to look as well. It took his breath away.

They were overlooking a gigantic room made from cinderblocks that lined out from the wall they were crouched in and stretched into two walls that stretched for what looked like miles. There was no sign of the fourth wall. Adding to that, there didn't appear to be a floor. It all just sort of disappeared into what looked like a bottomless pit.

Torches were bolted to the walls, lighting the way. Cobwebs hung in the air.

"Wow…," Hobbes breathed.

Calvin looked down.

All there was to help them move forward now was a slide.

"Come on, Hobbes," Calvin said. "We need to keep moving forward."

"But we don't know where it goes," Hobbes warned. "For all we know, we're about to slide down into a giant vat of boiling acid!"

"Well what do you propose we do? Sit around here in a cupboard until the walls close in?"

Hobbes stared at him and then the slide before he finally sighed.

"Okay, let's go for it."

Calvin put MTM in his pocket and sat down at the top of the slide.

"Here we go…," he mumbled quietly.

There was a pause as he readied himself, and then he pushed off and slid down the slide.

"_WHOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!_" he wailed.

Hobbes' pulse sped up considerably as he watched Calvin disappear into the darkness.

"Okay, here we go," he muttered.

Sitting down on his rear on the slide, Hobbes pushed off and slid downwards.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!_" he screamed.

Hobbes scooted and slide down the slide and was plunged into great darkness. He could see a thing. It was probably because he was covering his eyes. He felt himself go up and down. He felt his stomach slam into his side as he pulled off hairpin curves.

"HELP! HELP!" he wailed.

Hobbes felt himself go into a loop. He heard wind whistling as he slid through a bunch of hoops. He felt himself leave the slide momentarily as he was suddenly whipped into the air by a hump in the slide.

Up ahead, Calvin was clutching his stomach as he tried to get a bearing on where he was. He was swooping, circling, looping the loop and zigzagging all over the place.

"MTM! How much longer?!" he shouted.

"Nearly there," MTM said reassuringly, despite not having a clue.

Then Calvin spied a gap in the slide. Retro had apparently set up the slide to ramp up and then hopefully, Calvin would reach the other side. The area was lit slightly from above, but Calvin couldn't quite make out what was producing it.

"I'm having a _Hot Wheels _moment!" Calvin wailed.

Calvin was suddenly flung into the air as if on a ski jump, and he was launched all the way across.

"AAAAAAAAAAAACCCKK!" he wailed.

He landed with a reassuring thud on the other side of the slide and continued on.

Hobbes came up behind them. He dared to open his eyes. He saw the jump ahead.

"MOTHER!" he cried.

Hobbes hit the ramp and was launched up into the air. Like any sensible feline when you fling it into the air, Hobbes immediately went nuts trying to claw at the air, his limbs flailing like mad. Unfortunately, this screwed up his sense of direction and soon he wasn't headed for the other side anymore. Reaching out desperately, he managed to grab onto the other side and sank his claws deep into the molded plastic.

"HELP! CALVIN!" he screeched.

But Calvin was too far away to hear him properly.

Hobbes looked around and tried to haul himself up, but found he wasn't doing a very good job so far. He was thankful for the splash of light pouring down on him from above.

Then he heard something beneath him. He looked down into the deep pit.

It was a giant stone slab with shining metal spikes rocketing up towards him.

"Eep!" Hobbes whimpered.

The spikes were coming faster and faster.

Hobbes managed to claw his way forward, and he climbed up as fast as he could.

"This is truly intolerable!" he muttered angrily.

Finally, Hobbes managed to swing himself up onto the slide and pushed himself forward, lying on his stomach like a seal, and shooting forward down the slide like a torpedo. He heard the sound of plastic splintering behind him as plunged back into darkness.

Some distance ahead of him, Calvin was still going up and down and up until finally, he found himself leaving the slide on a downward slope and landed with a thud on a cold hard floor.

Slowly but surely, Calvin managed to stagger to his feet. He looked all around, finding that he was now in a rather spacious cavern of some type. Somehow Retro had managed to make it look like a cave of some sort. Stalactites hung from the ceiling. Stalagmites protruded from the ground.

The large room was split in half by a river of molten lava. On the other side, Calvin could see a square piece of concrete that was moderately large. It was probably about fifteen feet on each side.

Even though he couldn't see a door or opening, he figured he'd need to get across.

Calvin turned around to look up the slide.

"HOBBES!"

And then, of course, Hobbes came.

**_WHUMP!_**

Calvin found himself rolling end-over-end with Hobbes in circles as if they were a wheel. They finally collapsed and landed in a heap.

They lay there, gasping for breath and staring at the darkness that was substituting any possible ceilings.

"This place _blows_," Hobbes moaned.

Getting up again, Calvin walked towards the lava river.

"Hobbes?" he said, not addressing him directly.

"Yes?"

"The slide's gone now, isn't it?"

Hobbes looked back the way they'd come.

"Yep."

"This place is weird."

"What do we do now?"

"Well, my best guess would be that we need to get across this river of lava and get to the over side of this room."

"Why?"

"Well, logic dictates that once we get across, the part of the room and the river will vanish, and a new entrance will open up somewhere over there."

"Sounds good to me. How do we do it?"

Calvin paused for a second. He reached into his pocket and pulled MTM back out.

"MTM? How much time do we have left?"

"I'd reckon about forty-five minutes," MTM replied.

"Good. Extend your manipulator arms to the other side of the river."

MTM complied, extending his metallic robotic arms from one side of the river's edge to the other, gripping them tightly.

"Now what do we do?" Hobbes asked.

"It's just like crossing a log over the river on Sneer Hill," Calvin replied. "We're going across."

Hobbes stared at him incredulously.

"Who do you think I am? Master Ninja?!"

"Relax, Hobbes. We've got two sets of arms we can walk across. MTM won't let us fall, right?"

There was a pause.

Calvin threw a sharp glare in MTM's direction.

"Right?!" he shouted.

"Yeah, yeah, of course I won't," MTM replied, sounding vaguely sincere.

"Good. Come on, Hobbes."

Calvin set off across first.

Hobbes felt a sudden need to run away and try and find that slide again.

The mechanical metal arms creaked slightly under the strain.

MTM was seriously feeling it.

"Oi, it's getting a bit warm down there! Careful!"

"Sorry, sorry," Calvin mumbled.

It was a long tense moment as Hobbes watched nervously from the sideline.

With as much grace as a drunken baboon on a unicycle, Calvin stumbled and wobbled, nearly losing his footing several times.

"I can do this… I can do this…," he whispered hoarsely.

"Do it quickly! I think the arms are starting to melt!" MTM cried.

"Nearly there…"

And at last, Calvin finally was able to jump off of the long robotic arms and land safely on the other side.

"Yes!" he cheered.

Hobbes let out a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.

Calvin looked around the new section of floor he was standing on. The entire place was bare, covered in dust.

"Okay, Hobbes, your turn!" he shouted.

Hobbes stared at the pair of thin robotic arms that stretched out from the small CD player.

"You expect me to make it across that?" he demanded. "They barely supported _you_!"

Calvin stared at Hobbes incredulously.

"I can't believe you!" he exclaimed. "Did you just call me _fat_?!"

"What?"

"I can't _believe_ you just said that!"

"I was pointing out that –"

"You'd tell me, wouldn't you?"

"Tell you what?"

"You _would _tell me if I was fat, wouldn't you?"

"You aren't."

Calvin gasped indignantly. "How could you do that to me?!"

"Do what?!"

"You just called me fat!"

"I just said you weren't!"

"Hobbes, everyone knows that when you want to tell someone they're overweight, you don't _tell_ them directly. It's called reverse psychology!"

"But I wasn't doing that!"

"See, you're doing it again! Why are you being so hurtful today?!"

"Pardon me," MTM said suddenly. "Can someone please do something remotely helpful? My arms are falling asleep."

Hobbes rolled his eyes and walked away from them.

"Oh that's it, is it?" Calvin shouted. "Giving up already? Fine! Go find a nice little corner to lie in! See if I care! Go ahead! I'll figure out the rest of this my—"

**_WHOMP!_**

Calvin suddenly found himself being tackled by something very fuzzy. He rolled around on the floor for a little bit, and suddenly found himself pinned to the ground by a pair of strong paws, and he felt his soul being pierced by a pair of strong eyes.

"…nice jump," he managed to say.

"Thank you."

Hobbes got up off of him and helped him.

MTM, still keeping his grip on the edge of the river, retracted his arms, bringing himself safely to the other side. Calvin picked him up.

Then when they looked up again, they saw that everything in the room that had been on the other side of the lava river had been replaced by a blank wall. Calvin and Hobbes now found themselves trapped inside of a small room that was surrounded by fifteen foot long walls, and a now more-definite ceiling.

"Okay," he said. "Something should happen now. There should be an entryway about to open up any second now."

They were constantly looking around for a new doorway to open.

Finally, after about ten seconds of constantly looking around, a doorway opened up.

"Bingo!" Calvin shouted.

They approached, but when they got to the new door, they found that the new hallway was very different.

For a start, there was no floor. Instead, there were pedestals that lined a path ahead. The path diverged a short distance away, going in two directions. One led up into another room, and the other stretched down into a longer hallway. Much like with the room with the slide, it was dimly lit from above by an unknown source.

"Oh great," Hobbes complained. "MTM, which way is right?"

"I thought we'd already established I can't determine that," MTM replied flatly.

Hobbes sighed.

"Come on," Calvin said. "The platforms look big enough to hold our combined weight."

"Right. There's just one small problem."

"What's that?"

"You've got spindly little legs and can't jump worth a darn."

Calvin glared at him.

"Okay, smarty pants, what do you recommend?"

Hobbes got down on all fours.

Calvin got the idea. "Piggy-back?"

"No, kitty-back."

"Oh."

Calvin tucked MTM away into his pocket and climbed onto Hobbes' back.

Rearing up into pounce-mode, Hobbes made a great leap across the gap between the floor and the platform. Once they landed, the platform swayed back and forth under them.

Hobbes was tempted to try and double-back, but they looked and saw that their entrance had been replaced with another blank wall.

"Man, that is annoying!" Hobbes shouted angrily.

Once he was reassured that the platform wasn't going to give out on them, Hobbes leapt towards the next one. As soon as he leapt, however, the one he'd left behind tipped over and collapsed. It didn't even make a crashing sound. It just vanished into the dark pit below.

"Nobody here gets vertigo, right?" Calvin asked nervously.

"No, not really," Hobbes replied shakily.

"Nah, I've seen than movie three times and I _still _don't get it," MTM added.

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes and surveyed the situation.

There were at least six more platforms between them and the fork.

Hobbes made another leap, and they landed safely as the one behind them collapsed.

Then the next one.

Then the next one.

They were nearly there.

Then the next one.

And then they were at their decision.

No turning back.

"Now what do we do?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin looked between the two destinations.

"Okay," he said, "on the one hand, Retro probably built the extra room to fool us into going there because all our destinations end up being rooms."

"But then he probably knew we'd figure that out so we'd take the long way," Hobbes reasoned.

"There are too many variables to consider in this dilemma, I'm afraid," MTM pointed out. "It could go either way. And once we pick a path, there's no turning back to try the other way."

"True enough," Calvin said. "So we'll have to take our surroundings into consideration. Hobbes, can you hear anything?"

Hobbes looked at him in surprise before he listened closely.

It was deathly silent in this empty room that seemed to stretch out in all directions.

"Hmmm…," he said, straining to hear anything.

And then he heard it.

_HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM_

Hobbes wasn't sure what it was, but he could hear a distant humming sound in the distance.

"Well?" Calvin asked.

"It sounds like…a computer running."

"Interesting. MTM? Try and scan for any nearby computers."

"Check," MTM said.

MTM hummed quietly.

"Processing… Processing… _Processing_… _Pro…ces…sing……_"

Hobbes was getting a bit antsy.

"Got it," MTM announced.

"Disable it."

"Right."

After a minute, Hobbes noticed the humming was suddenly and quite abruptly cut off.

"It's gone!"

"And look at that!" Calvin said, pointing.

The entrance that was clearly waiting for them at the end of the short patch suddenly flickered and vanished.

"Merely a projection," MTM said. "We would've been trapped."

"Nicely done, everyone," Calvin said approvingly. "Hobbes, I think you know which way to proceed."

"Onwards," Hobbes agreed.

And so, Hobbes turned left and started bounding quickly down the long corridor, each subsequent platform collapsing behind him as he went.

After about eighteen consecutive leaps, they made it all the way to the last one. Calvin looked around, then he saw, bathed in a pool of light, was a stone platform jutting out from a stone wall like a diving board at a pool.

Without any prodding, Hobbes leapt from the platform to the slab. The platform fell like a redwood and vanished.

And when they looked ahead, they saw that a new wall had appeared, and in it was an entrance to a corridor that stretched ahead and turned off to the left. But Hobbes could tell he'd never make that jump, even without Calvin.

"Now what?" he asked.

Calvin took MTM back out of his pocket.

"MTM, reactivate the manipulator arms. Put them on extend."

MTM's long robotic arms stretched far ahead of them to the hatchway ahead and latched the long metallic fingers around the doorframe.

"Hobbes, we need to get on the other side of MTM. We'll ride him across."

Hobbes gulped. "You're sure this is going to work?" he asked.

**_CRACK!_**

Suddenly, they all let out a yelp as the platform suddenly cracked and began to dip towards the bottomless pit below.

"We don't have any alternatives, Hobbes. Just do it."

Calvin and Hobbes got in on the other side of MTM so that they were facing away from the hatchway. They held on.

**_CRACK-ACK-ACK!_**

"Now!" Calvin shouted.

MTM retracted his arms, carrying Calvin, Hobbes and himself across the gap and flinging them safely into the corridor. Calvin and Hobbes did back rolls across the floor until they finally landed, Hobbes on his back and Calvin on his stomach.

They looked out the hatchway just in time to see the platform they'd been standing on mere moments before completely give out and collapse.

"Oof, that was too close for comfort," MTM muttered.

Calvin picked him up and re-pocketed him for later.

"Come on!" he cried, running off down the corridor.

Hobbes quickly followed on.

They ran down the corridor and rounded the left turn, and then quickly turned down a right turn. They ran just a little bit further when they finally found it.

There was a giant lake of lava just ahead of them now, and it was littered with stepping stones. But these stones were awkwardly placed throughout the room, which thankfully wasn't very big. Just across, they could just see another corridor that would lead to safety.

Calvin considered this for a bit.

"Man, if it turns out we went the wrong way at the start of this…," he muttered. "Come on."

Calvin carefully leapt forward and landed on one of the rocks, wobbling as he tried to keep his balance.

Hobbes held his breath.

Calvin managed to steady himself and this time stepped gingerly across to the next one, and carefully made his way to the one after that.

Hobbes tried to be brave and gently leapt to the first rock, managing to keep his balance thanks to his cat reflexes. Then he managed to gently make his way to the next one, keeping in step behind Calvin.

"Come on, Hobbes," Calvin said encouragingly, stepping over to the next awkwardly-shaped rock. "It's just like a trying to jump across the river in the woods!"

"A rather shabby analogy, but a valid one nonetheless," Hobbes agreed.

Calvin sighed inwardly and made one last jump across. Now on the last stone, he successfully made it to the other side and entered through the hatchway.

Hobbes also managed to hop across safely and made it deftly into the small hallway next to Calvin.

"Retro has a weird fixation with molten lava," he commented.

"It's quite appropriate when you consider what sort of person he is," Calvin replied. "Let's keep moving."

They headed round the corridor, which turned out to be very short. All it really ended up being was a corner that they had to round. When they got to the other side, they found that, for a start, half of the floor was missing, once again disappearing down into a deep dark void of some sort. It was essentially a very long ledge that they would have to get around.

Calvin sighed to himself. "How appropriate," he muttered.

Calvin got up against the wall and made his way sideways across, keeping his eyes intent of the other side where another hatchway awaited them. Hobbes followed in suit.

After they'd traveled a ways, Hobbes looked back to see of the hatchway they'd come through was gone yet. It was. But then he realized something else: most of the path they'd just come down was gone as well.

"I think that if we sped up just a touch, it would be a great benefit to our life expectancy," he said nervously.

Calvin saw what he saw and immediately began inching along even faster.

Hobbes looked again and saw bits of the path were silently breaking off and tumbling away into the dark abyss.

"Hurry…," he whispered.

"It's still a long way," Calvin replied frantically, trying to keep his speed up.

But the path was crumbling faster and faster.

Realizing how pointless going sideways was becoming, Calvin turned and started running up the path. Hobbes let out a yelp as the path almost went beneath him and managed to catch up.

They ran as fast as they could up the narrow path, bits of it breaking off behind them like graham crackers.

"Nearly there!" Calvin shouted.

The doorway was getting closer and closer, but so was the collapsing pathway.

Hobbes could by now feel each section of path fall beneath his feet each time he left it behind.

"Hurry!" he wailed.

The floor was disappearing faster and faster.

"ACK!" Hobbes shrieked, nearly falling down into the chasm. He dropped to his paws and started running faster and faster until he was nearly a few centimeters behind Calvin.

Calvin managed to jump and get ahead and get in through the hatchway.

"Hurry, Hobbes! Eye of the Tiger!"

Hobbes let out a shriek as he put more oomph into his sprints, and just as the last of the floor disappeared beneath him, he pushed off the last tile and flew through the air and managed to grab onto the ledge.

Calvin quickly started to pull him to safety.

They both collapsed onto the floor, exhausted.

"I still can't believe we can't get that sonic boom to sound," Calvin gasped.

"I think my heart just transferred to my neck," Hobbes sighed, trying to get his own breath back.

They rested for a bit.

"MTM, how much time have we got?" Calvin asked, pulling the CD player back out of his pocket.

"Forty minutes," MTM replied.

"We've covered _all that_ in twenty minutes?!" Hobbes cried. "I don't want to see what's coming next!"

"Come on, let's go," Calvin sighed, managing to get back on his feet.

Hobbes struggled to get back to his feet, and after a moment, he managed to get himself up.

They walked down the corridor in silence, too tired to speak.

Finally, they rounded a corner and found two separate paths.

Sort of.

One was an actual path, and one was a sort of ventilation shaft.

"Okay, now what?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin looked around. He looked beyond the corridor to see what was ahead, but as per usual, nothing was visible from where they stood. Then he looked at the shaft. Pulling a screwdriver from his pocket, he immediately began to remove it.

"You're sure about this?" Hobbes asked.

"It's worth a shot," Calvin replied.

"That shaft only goes one way," MTM pointed out. "Down."

"Yeah, it might be a trap," Hobbes agreed.

"Yes, it very well might be," Calvin replied. "But we'll just have to chance it, won't we?"

Hobbes sighed.

Finally finishing, Calvin put the screwdriver away and removed the grate. But instead of going down the shaft, he instead took the grate and threw it down the corridor with all his might, as if it were a Frisbee.

Hobbes watched him do this, perplexed. "What was _that _about?" he asked.

"Wait for it," Calvin whispered.

There was a silence.

**_BANG!_**

"What was that?" Hobbes asked.

"It just hit a wall," Calvin replied.

There was silence between them.

"So? The entryway isn't always there until we've dodged an obstacle of some sort."

"Precisely. But there isn't one to dodge down there. We wouldn't have heard the grate crash first."

Hobbes stared in silence. "Wow," he said. "So that's just a dead end?"

"Exactly. So come on."

Calvin climbed into the shaft and slid down it.

Hobbes shrugged and got in after him.

"_WHOAAAAAAAAA!!_" they cried, sliding bumpily down the shaft.

After a few minutes of bumping and bouncing, they came out of another shaft, breaking the grating aside in the process. They found themselves bouncing off something nice and soft and bouncy before they bounded off of it and landed on the floor.

"OW!" Calvin cried.

Shaking his head, Hobbes managed to get up and observe his surroundings.

Naturally, the vent had disappeared and had been replaced with a closed window, but the window was blacked out, and he could see anything through it.

In fact, now that he looked around properly, the entire room was no longer the black walls or cinderblock walls they'd gotten used to. Now instead, it looked like a child's bedroom. A rather small bedroom, but a bedroom nonetheless. A bed, a desk, bookcases, a computer, a lamp, a dresser, some shelves and a closet full of clothes.

But none of these possessions belonged to them.

"Where are we now?" Hobbes wondered aloud.

Calvin looked around the room. "Another obstacle. Told you this was the right way."

"Lovely," MTM said. "Someone's coming."

"Huh?"

No sooner had they spoke that Hobbes had noticed that the doorknob was turning.

"Uh-oh," Hobbes said. "This could get nasty."

**To Be Continued...**


	30. Our Solemn Hour P2

Calvin and Hobbes watched in horror as the door opened, revealing who was behind it.

They stared for a long time at what was behind the door.

It was a young boy that looked no older than eight standing there, holding a gameboy in his hands, staring at it with a look of intense concentration. For those who missed the previous episodes, it was the same boy Socrates was trying to prank all those ages ago during TALES OF A TIGER.

There was a moment of silence.

Finally, Calvin broke it.

"Well," He said, clapping his hands together. "Moving right along, then."

Calvin started towards the boy.

Suddenly, he looked up and gave Calvin a fixated stare.

Calvin stopped.

For a while, they simply stood there, glaring at each other.

Then, Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"He's a tad creepy," He said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, a voice rang out through the bedroom.

"How do you like this one?" Retro's voice cackled, causing Calvin and Hobbes to look around in shock. "He's of my own design,"

"What is this kid doing here, Retro?" Calvin demanded. "He's hindering progress!"

"Good, that's what he's supposed to do," Retro sighed, annoyed that Calvin was unaware of this. "He's an artificial human. He's specifically designed to avoid any kind of danger or attack."

"Well, what the heck is that supposed to mean?" Calvin demanded.

He waited, but Retro didn't answer.

"Well?!" Calvin shouted. "What's this about?!"

"I think he's left, Calvin," Hobbes said.

Calvin paused.

Then he glared into the darkness. "Well same to you, bub! And how dare you disappear like that when I'm speaking to you?!"

Hobbes sighed.

There was a pause as Calvin looked around. Then he turned to Hobbes. "Well, out of sight, out of mind. Let's move on,"

Hobbes looked at the boy.

"Shouldn't we do something about him?" He asked.

"Why?" Calvin asked. "Retro just told us we can't do anything. Let's just go."

And with that, He started towards the boy to walk past him.

Suddenly, and without even looking up from his game, the boy reached out, and shoved Calvin back.

Calvin reeled back in horror.

"Do you have any idea who you just did that too?!" He demanded.

The boy didn't answer.

Calvin growled, and started for the door, again.

The boy shoved him away again.

By now, Calvin was getting annoyed.

"I must warn you, boy, I have a special device that could vaporize you on the spot!"

The boy didn't respond.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"You want to intervene, here?" He demanded.

Hobbes shrugged.

"I'm not sure if there's anything I can add at this point," He said.

"Of course there is!" Calvin yelled. "You know perfectly well what you can do, and I'm not about to give it away so he can prepare for it!"

Hobbes sighed.

"Oh, very well." He mumbled.

There was a pause as Calvin and the boy stared at Hobbes with blank expressions as the tiger stretched his arms and got a kink out of his neck.

Then, without any warning at all, he struck.

_ZOOM!!_

In an instant Hobbes' feet had left the ground, and he was rocketing at the boy like a torpedo.

The boy watched for a split second before stepping out of the way, causing Hobbes to land in a heap on the floor where the boy had been.

There was another silence.

Hobbes sat up and looked at Calvin.

"It didn't work," He said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Well, good job, Hobbes, we've managed to waste another three precious minutes trying jumping around at this kid!" He yelled.

Hobbes shook his head and sighed.

"Well, I'm done fooling around," Calvin said, picking the MTM up. "We need to move on. MTM, I think I know what function is required for just such a situation,"

"Roger," MTM yawned. "Target locked on."

A red aiming light shot out of the MTM and hit the boy, who didn't seem to notice.

"Firing in three… two… one…"

Suddenly, at the last second, the boy's head started becoming blurry and warped. It one split second, his head transformed into a giant machine gun, and aimed itself at Calvin and the MTM.

There was a pause as they stared at it.

"You still want me to fire?" MTM asked.

Calvin was silent for a moment.

"Nah, I better let you hold off on that for a while," He said, finally. "I'll let you know when we really need it,"

At this response, the boy's head morphed back to its original form, and he went back to his video game.

For a solid minute, Calvin, Hobbes and the MTM all stared at the boy, trying to figure out what the heck was his weakness,

Finally, Calvin looked up.

"Well, I'm lost," He sighed.

"There must be some weakness to him," MTM said. "Everything has a weakness, no matter how powerful it is,"

There was a pause.

"Well, except for me of course," MTM added, smugly.

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

The machine studied the boy up and down for a long moment.

"Why does he have a GameBoy with him?" He suddenly asked.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"Erm, entertainment while he waits for us to be crushed?" Hobbes suggested,

"Perhaps," MTM started. "Or maybe he needs to have it. Maybe that's his power source,"

Calvin studied the boy, who was clearly trying to ignore them so he could focus on his game. He was looking up at them at times and kind of glaring at them, as if to say "Shut up!".

"Alright, so maybe it is his power source." He said, turning to the MTM. "That doesn't do us any good. He keeps avoiding everything we throw at him."

MTM thought for a moment.

"Ya know, that could actually work to our advantage." He said. "Hobbes, pounce the kid, again."

Hobbes paused.

"Uh… I tried that already." He said, slowly.

"Yeah, well try it again," MTM said, impatiently.

"But he'll just step out of the way." Hobbes said.

"I am aware of that," MTM said.

"So what does that accomplish?" Hobbes asked.

MTM heaved a deep sigh. "Look, just pounce him," He sighed.

Hobbes glared at the MTM.

"Look I really don't know…."

"OK, Hobbes let's put this into perspective," MTM said. "What would you rather go through? Jumping at a kid you know you're going to miss, or being crushed by enclosing walls?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Fine, I'll try it, again," He grumbled.

And so, with much resentment and reluctance, Hobbes crouched down, leaned back, and jumped towards the boy.

Again, without even looking up, the boy stepped off to the side as Hobbes flew past him, landing in a heap on the floor.

Just as the boy stepped into MTM's range of fire, the CD player shouted out, "FIRING!"

For a moment, nothing happened.

Calvin stared at the CD player.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing something?" He demanded.

MTM paused.

"Hmm, yes," he observed. "Seems I activated the wrong feature."

There was another silence as MTM sorted it all out.

"OK, Hobbes, we're gonna need you to do it, again," He said, finally.

Hobbes sat up and groaned.

And so, he went through the process of getting back into position, aiming himself at the boy, and launching off, once again.

This time, the boy stepped off to the right, again, and Hobbes surprisingly enough, was prepared for it, and managed to land on his feet, this time.

"FIRING!" MTM shouted.

BRAZAP!!

This time, giving no time for the boy to react, MTM fired his laser, and shot the GameBoy out of his hands.

Calvin, Hobbes, MTM and the boy watched with mild boredom as the machine flew across the room, and landed several feet away on the floor.

The boy turned and glared at Calvin as if to say, "What the heck did you do that for?"

Then, suddenly, his eyes started to glaze over, and finally, and after much heartache, he hunched over and fell to the ground.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.

"Well," Calvin said, looking back up to Hobbes. "That was easy. Shall we move on?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

And so after straightening themselves up, they headed towards the door.

Suddenly, Calvin stopped.

"Wait a minute," He said.

Hobbes stopped, too.

"What?"

"What if this isn't the way out?" Calvin considered, looking around the doorway.

"Why wouldn't it?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin studied the inside of the door. It was dark, and they couldn't see what was inside.

"It just seems too simple," He said, taking a step back. "And remember, we only get one shot at which way we take.

Hobbes stared inside.

"Hmm, perhaps you're right. Maybe we should stay here for a bit,"

"Well, we really can't do that," MTM said. "In case you've lost your memory, we're working with a time limit."

"Let's just see what else we can do," Calvin said, looking around.

There was a pause.

MTM heaved a deep sigh.

"We just wasted another thirty seconds, I hope you realize," He said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Well, do you have any ideas?" He demanded.

MTM looked around the room.

"Well, the closet jumps to mind," He said, casually.

Calvin and Hobbes turned around.

Standing there, almost completely unnoticed when they first entered, was the closet door.

They stared.

"Well, it's worth a shot," Hobbes shrugged.

Calvin nodded and walked over to it.

He opened the door, pushed the clothes away and peered inside.

"Ah ha!" He shouted. "Jackpot!"

Hobbes walked over.

Behind all the clothes in the closet, was the entrance to another corridor made from hot red rocks.

Now ready for whatever might be waiting for them inside, Calvin and Hobbes straightened up and walked inside.

For a while, they just walked through the winding tunnel, downwards. Pausing, only on occasions to see if they were going in the right direction.

Finally, after much walking, they came to another warm room. Upon entering this one, Calvin and Hobbes immediately noticed that there was a railroad track running through it, and out of sight on the other side.

Another note of interest was the pool of molten lava running right underneath the tracks. Steam was rising from the tracks, giving it an eerie feel to it.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"Well...." He started. "Doesn't look like that's going to work,"

Hobbes turned to him.

"Why?" He asked.

"It's too dangerous to walk across this," Calvin said. "We need to find another over it."

"There isn't any other way," MTM said.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the CD player.

"What?" Hobbes demanded.

"Those tracks are the only way out of here," MTM said. "I don't sense any other exit. Unless of course, something comes to get us across I don't see any way to get out."

As if on cue, as soon as MTM said that, Calvin noticed moving towards them out of the corner of his eye.

He looked up.

Rolling up to them on the tracks, was an rusty mine car.

It rolled up to where the trio was and stopped.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

Then, Hobbes turned and started walking in the other direction. Temporarily forgetting what happens to the path behind him.

_**CRASH!!!**_ "OUCH!!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Vanishing act not working out too well, today, Hobbes?

Hobbes rubbed his nose and glared at Calvin.

"Well, I vote we give this a shot," He said, moving towards the mine car.

"What?!" Hobbes demanded. "We don't know where this track leads! It could be a trap!"

"Yeah, well, what you rather do? Sit here and watch the walls moving towards each other?" Calvin asked, turning to the tiger.

Hobbes paused.

"Coming," He grumbled, climbing into the car with him.

"Good, I'm glad we cleared that up." Calvin grinned as the car started moving away.

Hobbes sighed, and covered his head, waiting for the worst.

Nothing happened.

The tiger opened his eyes and looked around.

The mine car continued down the track silently and at a casual three miles an hour.

Calvin turned a grin onto Hobbes.

"There, you see?" He said. "This is simply our way Across the River. Ya know Hobbes, the problem with you is that you're too suspicious of things. You need take things as they come and.... WAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!"

Suddenly, the mine car started flying straight down as the tracks dropped into a dark pit, which undoubtably had lava at the bottom.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, holding onto each other, as the car flew downwards towards the lake of lava. And then at the very last second, the car shot back up, and zipped right above the lava, before the tracks adjusted again, and started going straight up.

The car then tossed Calvin and Hobbes from side to side as it took several sharp turns and hit bumps in the tracks.

Finally after a full minute and a half of that, the car finally slowed down and got back onto a level road.

By this time, Calvin and Hobbes' hearts had skipped a total of seven beats all together.

"Gee," Hobbes said. "I was unaware until just now that I hate roller coasters."

Calvin sat in the car gripping his chest and gasping. "MTM, where are we going?"

"Forward," MTM said, who didn't at all seemed fazed by what had happened.

"Forward where?!" Calvin demanded.

"Hang about, I'm starting to get my bearings on this place," MTM said.

There was a pause in which Calvin and Hobbes sat very stiffly, expecting to fly out of the mine car at any moment.

"Alright," MTM said. "This track has several junctions and switches and I can tell you which ones we need to take, but this is only going to give you a slight edge, because the car isn't stopping."

Calvin looked outside.

"It's starting to go faster, too," He said.

"Yep," MTM said. "So now, the first junction is coming up, we need to switch it to the right."

"I'm on it!" Calvin said, reaching into his hair and pulling the Transmogrifier Gun out.

Hobbes stared at him for a long moment.

Calvin stared back.

"What?"

"How long have you had that in there?" He asked.

"Since we left, this morning," Calvin said.

"This is the second time I've seen you do this," Hobbes said. "Do you routinely keep weapons stored in your hair?"

Calvin rolled his eyes and turned to the front.

Up ahead, he could see the first junction. One track was leading off into a dark tunnel and the other went forward for another fifty feet before doing another nosedive straight into the lava.

Quickly, Calvin aimed the Transmogrifer and fired it, switching the track towards the dark tunnel.

The car took it, and went into the tunnel. Calvin noticed with some despair that as the car hit the junction, it started going at least three miles an hour faster.

"Alright," Calvin said. "We got the first one done. Hobbes! Come Talk to Me! Are you still with us?"

"Whimper...." Hobbes voice came from behind him.

"Good. MTM, what's next?"

"Duck." MTM said.

There was a pause.

"A what?"

"Duck," MTM said.

"Where?" Calvin asked, looking around. "I can't see anything. It's too dark,"

MTM sighed.

"I much too tired for this gag, Calvin." He said. "There is a giant rock falling towards your head. Get out of the way."

Calvin glared at him.

"Fine, if you're going to be that way! Hobbes, duck!"

"Where?" Hobbes asked, looking around.

Calvin ignored the tiger, pushed him into the car, and hid inside himself.

Mere seconds afterwards, as the MTM predicted, a giant black rock slammed into the top of the car, scrapping it badly, and most certainly would've beheaded Calvin and Hobbes had they not been ready.

The duo looked up, as they exited the tunnel.

"Ya know the story really could've survived without the "Duck" joke," Hobbes observed.

Calvin shrugged.

"Alright," MTM said. "Here comes another switch. You need to change it."

Calvin looked ahead.

Coming up was another switch, both leading into darkness.

"Where this other one lead?" Calvin asked.

"A pit of bald, frantic, flesh eating zombies," MTM said. "I figured you'd prefer that over the long boring tunnel where nothing happens for fifteen minutes.

There was a short pause as Calvin and Hobbes contemplated that.

"You see, Hobbes, this is why I ask the MTM about this stuff," Calvin said, turning to Hobbes.

Hobbes sighed with relief.

"Zombies, here we come!" Calvin grinned, firing the switch, and changing it.

"CALVIN!!!" Hobbes croaked, forgetting how to breath for a few seconds.

The car hit the junction and flew off into the darkness now twice as fast than before.

Hobbes covered his eyes and waited.

As Hobbes was hiding in the car with his eyes squeezed shut, he didn't see the bald, frantic, flesh eating zombies, but he did hear the deathly moaning and at one point, the car rattled violently and Calvin screamed, "HEY!! GET OFF THAT!!!"

Sure.

This went on for a while, MTM telling Calvin which junction to take, and Calvin firing the Transmogrifier to change it.

However, as things went on, and car began going faster and the twists and turns became harder, Calvin found it a lot more difficult to change them, and he nearly missed a few of them.

Hobbes meanwhile, was spending the whole time cowering in the back, holding on to whatever was handy, and trying not to be flung from the car. At one point he nearly fell out on a loop and had to holding onto the back while flapping in the wind like a flag.

Finally after what seemed like hours, but obviously it wasn't, Calvin and Hobbes began notice that the car was beginning to slow down.

As it rolled up to the end of the tracks and stopped, Calvin said something that made Hobbes want to chew off his leg.

"What? It's done already? Can't we go back and do it over, again?!"

After that was all sorted out, Calvin and Hobbes stepped off the car, and looked around.

They were in another hot red rock room with another corridor leading out of sight.

Hobbes turned to look back at the car.

To no one's surprise both the car and the track were gone and were replaced by a solid rock wall.

There was only one way out, now.

"OK, MTM, where are we?" Calvin asked, turning to CD player in his hands.

"I haven't a clue," MTM said. "My location bearings are scrambled, again."

"Alright," Calvin said, looking up. "I guess we just have to go through here and see what we can find,"

Hobbes nodded and they started down the tunnel.

After a while, they entered another room. This one was quite different from the others they had seen.

This one was about the size of a football field and was filled with giant rock towers of different heights that stretched for the ceiling which was nearly a mile away.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

"Where's the exit?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin scanned the room.

"I don't see one," He said.

They kept looking, starting to panic a little before MTM finally said, "There it is,"

Calvin and Hobbes spun around.

"Where?!" Calvin yelled, looking around.

"Look up."

All eyes went towards the ceiling.

There, just right below the ceiling nearly a mile away was a small entryway. Just big enough for both Calvin and Hobbes to squeeze through.

They stared at it for a long time.

"How the heck does Retro expect us to get up there?" Calvin demanded.

"Climb the towers?" Hobbes suggested.

"There's no way," Calvin said. "There's no footholds, and there too wide for us to hold onto."

"Well, there must be some way to get up there," Hobbes said, squinting at it.

At that moment a large CLUNK rang out through the entire room.

Calvin and Hobbes froze.

There was a moment of silence.

"What was that?" Calvin whispered.

"I don't know," Hobbes whispered back.

"Do think it was a monster?" Calvin whispered.

"No, there's no way for it to get in,"

"That means it was already in here," Calvin hissed.

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Hobbes whispered, looking around, cautiously.

"Hobbes?" Calvin asked.

"Yeah?"

"Has there always been water up to our feet in here?"

There was a moment of silence.

Hobbes looked down.

Indeed, the entire room was now a shallow pond that reached up to Calvin and Hobbes' ankles.

"No, there hasn't," Hobbes whispered.

"Hmm, you think we should be concerned about that?" Calvin whispered.

"Yeah, and one more thing," Hobbes whispered.

"What?" Calvin whispered back.

"Why are we still whispering?"

There was a pause.

"Hobbes," Calvin said, now talking at normal volume. "We are being flooded here, and all you can think about is why we're still whispering?"

"Erm..."

"It's a free country, Hobbes, and I'll whisper whenever I darn well feel like it! So what do you have to say about that?"

"The water's up to your waist, now," Hobbes said.

Calvin stared at Hobbes.

"There you go changing the subject, again," He said. "You think that... Oh, right, the water. Back to work, huh?"

"Yep," Hobbes nodded.

There was a silence while Calvin and Hobbes watched the water rising.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!" They finally screamed, running around in circles and trying to climb up the towers unsuccessfully.

"HELP!!" Calvin screamed. "I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN SWIM OR NOT!!! HOBBES! CAN YOU SWIM?!?"

"I'VE FORGOTTEN!!!" Hobbes moaned, covering his eyes.

"OPEN YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE COWARD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!"

Hobbes whined, and didn't respond.

Calvin whipped around to the MTM, who was floating nearby. The water was now up to his chest.

"MTM!! DO SOMETHING!!" He screamed, splashing over to the CD player.

"Certainly." MTM said. "Anything in mind?"

"ANYTHING!!!" Calvin screamed.

"Oh very well," MTM sighed. There was a pause, then the machine beeped, and four objects were ejected from the tip of the MTM.

Calvin grabbed them without even knowing what they were.

"What are these?!" Calvin demanded, staring at them.

"Water wings," MTM said. "They are quite common in public pools, now adays. Frankly though, I think we should invest more money in that urine dye I keep hearing about."

Calvin ignored the MTM and frantically put the water wings on his arms, throwing Hobbes own pair.

The water was now fifteen feet in the air, and rising, bringing Calvin, Hobbes and the MTM along with them.

Finally, after they rose for another minute or so, Calvin and Hobbes noticed the water stopped.

Calvin looked around.

"OK, OK," He said, starting to calm down.

"Eep," Hobbes squeaked, refusing to look at his surroundings.

"I think this water's serving some kind of purpose," Calvin said, looking up and down.

"Eep,"

"Maybe it's supposed to get us to the exit. But it stopped to short."

"Eep,"

"We need to find some way to get it to rise higher.

"Eep,"

"There must be some kind of controller around here that controls the level."

"Eep,"

"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT AND HELP ME?!?!" Calvin screamed.

"I'm out of ideas," Hobbes mumbled, covering his face.

Calvin growled, and looked around.

Then he noticed something of vague interest.

"Hey!" he shouted. "It's taken us up to the top of the first tower!"

Calvin swam across the water over to there Hobbes was floating nearby.

He climbed up onto the tower, and stared down at it.

"Hobbes, you better come here," Calvin said.

"Eep," Hobbes squeaked.

"It may very well be our ticket out of here," Calvin said.

"Coming," Hobbes said, perking up, and swimming over to where Calvin was.

He climbed up onto the tower with Calvin and looked down at it.

In the very center of the stone was a giant round button with an arrow pointing up and the number "2" on it.

They stared at it.

"What is it?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin thought for a moment.

"I don't know," He said, finally. "Let's find out."

And then, before Hobbes had a chance to stop him, Calvin walked over, and stepped on the button.

CLUNK!!

"MOTHER!!!" Hobbes screamed.

Almost immediately, the water started rising again, taking Calvin and Hobbes above that tower, and towards another tower.

"Ah," MTM said with realization. "That's the controller,"

"What do you mean?" Calvin asked.

"That button made the water rise two levels," MTM said. "The towers are the controllers you mentioned."

Calvin's eyes lit up.

"Genius!" He said. "Why haven't I thought of something like that?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

And so Calvin and Hobbes were forced to continue treading water until it finished, rising again.

"Alright, what tower did it bring us up to?" Calvin asked, looking around.

Hobbes searched.

"Right there!" He shouted, pointing ahead.

Calvin turned. The water had brought them up level with another tower about twenty feet away.

"Lovely," He grinned, starting to swim over to it.

He climbed onto the tower and looked down at it.

"This one is pointing down." He called out. "It has a one on it. What do you think I should do?"

"Push it and see what happens," MTM said.

Calvin shrugged and stepped on the button.

CLUNK!

"HELP!!!" Hobbes screamed.

Immediately, the water began lowering.

Calvin jumped back in as the water sank down to another tower several feet away.

There was a moment of silence.

"It didn't work," Hobbes said.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Let's just go check out the next tower," He said, swimming towards it.

Hobbes sighed, and followed.

Calvin climbed up to the tower, and studying it.

This one was pointing up and had the number "3" on it.

Calvin looked up towards the exit.

"Alright," He said. "This looks promising. If this button raises us three levels it may just get us up to the exit."

Hobbes looked up at the exit.

"You think?" He asked.

"Probably not, but I don't have any other ideas," Calvin shrugged, walking over and stepping on the button.

CLUNK!!

"EEK!!" Hobbes jumped back into the water in terror.

Calvin stared at him for a long moment.

"Hobbes you never cease to amaze me, you know that?" He said, finally.

Hobbes glared at him.

Suddenly, the water began rising, once again, this time bringing them past several of the other towers towards the ceiling.

At long last it stopped right in front of the exit, giving Calvin and Hobbes the opportunity to swim out.

"Hot dog!" Calvin grinned, swimming over and grabbing the MTM. "Let's get out of this dump!"

The trio swam towards the exit.

"How much time do we have left?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, we have ages!" Calvin scoffed. "I'd say we at least have another thirty five to thirty minutes! How much time do we have left, MTM?"

"Fifteen minutes," MTM said, blandly.

"Oh."

There was a moment of silence as Calvin and Hobbes float in the water, staring blankly ahead.

"Well, onwards we move!" Calvin finally said, bravely, moving through the exit.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

As they dried themselves off, Calvin and Hobbes removed their water wings and gave them back to MTM. They trudged up the long pathway into the darkness. The floor took an incline and seemed to be leading upwards. Finally, they could see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Calvin finally led the way to what was a giant room made from giant clay bricks. It looked very much like an ancient temple.

They both looked around unsurely.

The room was lined with different colored jewels that were blue, yellow and red.

In the center of the far wall was another, larger jewel that was colored green.

"Hmmm…," Calvin said, looking closer.

Suddenly, twin beams of white light spilled down from the ceiling, and shone on a pair of pedestals that had mirrors. There was a prism in the middle. The lights were directed at the prism, which made one big beam of light hit the green jewel, which shined brightly in the new light.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances as they thought about this.

"What do we do now?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin looked around the room curiously. Then he saw the jewels on the wall.

"Those jewels over there look to be same size as the green one. Maybe they can help us."

Calvin walked over and picked up the blue jewel.

Well, he tried to.

It turned out the jewel weighed several pounds, and Calvin found himself struggling to pick it up off of its pedestal.

"Oof!" he cried. "Come on! I'm not looking to hock you for money at the nearest pawn shop! I just want to move you!"

Calvin struggled for a few seconds.

"We're wasting time!" Hobbes grumbled, walking over to help.

Hobbes grabbed onto the blue jewel as well and struggled with it.

"Come on, come on," he mumbled, gritting his teeth as he tugged at it.

Finally, after much tugging and straining, they got the jewel off its pedestal and hoisted it into the air.

"Now what?" Hobbes asked, gasping for air.

"Thinking…," Calvin said, straining.

He managed to unclench his eyes long enough to get a bearing on the two pedestals with the mirrors.

"Okay, let's get this thing over to the pedestals and see what happens," he said.

"Right," Hobbes replied.

Struggling and straining, they barely managed to pick their feet up and move across the room.

After a few minutes, they managed to get across the room towards the first pedestal, and with much relief, they dropped it on the platform.

Suddenly, the blue jewel was enveloped in the white light, which seemed to power the jewel up and shoot a beam of blue light off a mirror and onto the green jewel across the room.

They stared at it with curiosity.

"Huh," Hobbes said. "That didn't really do anything."

Calvin rolled his eyes and glanced in the direction of the remaining two jewels: yellow and red.

Then he seemed to realize.

"Wait a minute… Blue and yellow make green," he said.

Hobbes looked over at the jewels and realized. "Ah…"

Calvin quickly pulled MTM out of his pocket. "Okay, your arms should work, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay, we need to make up for lost time. Get the yellow jewel."

"I'll give it a go."

MTM's long mechanical arms extended from him once again and reached across the room towards the yellow jewel. The long metallic fingers wrapped around it and hoisted it up, but it was clearly quite a task.

"Gordon Bennett! This little blighter's heavy!"

MTM brought the jewel back, his long arms bouncing up and down lightly the whole way. Then he extended them again towards the second pedestal, dropping it lightly on the platform.

The yellow jewel was enveloped in its respective light beam and shot its yellow beam into the prism. It blended with the blue and the two lights blended together in the prism, shooting off a green light at the green jewel.

There was a moment of silence as all the lights in the room went off and plunged the room into darkness.

"Now what?" Calvin demanded, sounding agitated.

Then the green jewel began to glow, bathing them in its light. Then it started to change colors. It turned from green to orange.

"Hmmm, very nice," Hobbes commented.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

Then the lights came back on in the room.

The blue and yellow lights were still making their green colors, but nothing more was happening.

"Hmmm…," Calvin said. "Orange, eh? MTM, remove the blue jewel."

MTM extended his long mechanical arms, which reached out and grabbed the blue jewel, and after a few seconds, it was back in place.

"Okay, now grab the red one."

MTM's arms swung around and picked up the red jewel. Hoisting it up off its pedestal, Calvin swung MTM around, careful not to drop the jewel, and lowered it onto the platform.

The red jewel gave off its light beam and hit the prism. Blended with the yellow light, the beam turned orange and hit the orange jewel.

"Wait for it…," Calvin said.

The entire room was engulfed in darkness again.

The orange jewel lit up in the room, and once again, it changed colors, this time becoming purple.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Calvin complained.

The lights came back on again, once again revealing that with the changed jewel color, the red and yellow were having no effect.

"Okay, MTM, you should know how this works. Swap the yellow with the blue."

"Right on, dude."

MTM's arms picked up the yellow jewel and removed it, changing the light beam to just red. Calvin swung the yellow jewel back to its platform, and they picked up the blue one again. Calvin carefully swung it back to its place.

"Okay, let's hope this is the last one," he mumbled.

"I sincerely hope we're actually nearly finished," Hobbes sighed. "If it turns out we're barely even a tenth of the way through this maze…"

"Shush. We're nearly there."

MTM lowered the blue jewel back into place.

The lights did their little show and hit the prism, blending together and forming a purple light that shot out across the room and hit the purple jewel in the wall.

"Okay, this better be it!" Calvin shouted.

The lights all went out.

"Man, this is getting annoying."

The purple jewel then began to glow again.

Then it began to change color again.

This time, it changed from purple to white.

Then the lights came back on.

The purple light beam from the prism and jewels was still shining.

"Great," Calvin sighed.

"Well the light from the ceiling is just white light. Why don't we just take the jewels out?" Hobbes suggested.

"Good enough for me."

MTM reached forward and removed the blue jewel and put it back.

Then he took the yellow jewel and put _it _back.

Now there was just the white light hitting the white jewel.

The lights didn't go out this time.

Instead, two doors opened on either side of the jewel.

Calvin and Hobbes looked back and forth between them.

"Oh great," Calvin muttered.

"What now?" Hobbes asked.

"Anyone up for Eenie Meanie Mineie Moe?" MTM suggested.

"What'd be the point?" Calvin sighed.

Then Calvin got an idea.

"MTM, pick up one of the jewels."

"You what?! We just got finished with all that nonsense!"

"Humor me."

MTM sighed electronically and once again extended his arms.

The long fingers wrapped around the red jewel and picked it up.

"Now throw it down the one on the left."

MTM grunted slightly and managed to heave the red jewel down the left corridor.

**_THUNK!_**

There was a pause.

Nothing happened.

"What was that supposed to accomplish?" Hobbes asked.

"Every time we choose a path, the room we leave behind always disappears behind us, right?"

"Right."

"Well, when we threw the jewel down that path, when it landed and registered that someone was in there, it would've vanished, wouldn't it?"

"Um…"

"So since it didn't close, it can't be the right path. The correct path would've vanished."

Hobbes stared at him through squinted eyes. "You're making this up as you go along, aren't you?"

"It's all we have to go on. We'll take the path on the right."

"How do we know it'll work? Maybe the paths can tell the difference between us and a jewel!"

"Just come on."

Hobbes sighed.

"On your spiky head, be it."

Calvin rolled his eyes and they set off for the path.

"How much time left now, MTM?" Calvin asked.

"Ten minutes."

"Really?! Huh. We're really motoring!"

Hobbes sighed.

They set off down the corridor.

Just as they suspected, as soon as they were inside, the room behind them vanished, and they were forced to continue onwards.

"You'd better be right," Hobbes muttered.

They walked along the dark corridor for a long time.

It was a rather long walk, so Calvin began to quietly sing to himself again.

"_Sanctus Espiritus_…," he sang under his breath. "_…redeem us from our solemn hour_. _Sanctus Espiritus…insanity is all around us._"

Hobbes glanced down at him, straining his ears to hear what his friend was singing.

"_Sanctus Espiritus_…_is this what we deserve? Can we break free…from chains of never-ending agony?_"

Hobbes began to feel a little uneasy.

Finally though, they found the ending of the corridor, and they stepped through the hatchway.

"Where are we now?" Calvin asked.

Suddenly, a spotlight came down from above, hitting an area of the floor.

Calvin and Hobbes walked towards it. It was a long way away, but after awhile, they finally arrived.

"What is this place?" Hobbes asked.

"It's like a giant arena of some sort," MTM said. "It's about the size of a high school gym."

"So what's supposed to happen?" Calvin asked.

"I think we're supposed to wait."

"But we're wasting time!" Hobbes complained.

**_CLOMP!_**

They both jumped when they head something off in the distance in the dark.

"Hello?" Calvin squeaked.

Then they noticed someone's outline against the shadows, but their face was covered with shadow.

"Retro?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes looked the figure over and noticed something.

"Erm, I don't recall Retro having a peg leg," he said nervously.

"Huh?"

Calvin looked down.

Underneath the figure's right leg was a wooden peg leg.

"Wait a minute…," he said, as if he'd just realized something.

**_SHING!_**

Calvin and Hobbes' heads jerked up when they saw a metallic and slightly chipped sword was now pointed at them.

"GAH!" they cried.

The figure leaned into the light.

It was a pirate.

Calvin and Hobbes stared in bewilderment.

"_YARRR_…" the pirate growled menacingly.

"Let's hope he's a pirate who doesn't do anything," Hobbes whimpered. "Do you just stay at home and lie around?"

Suddenly, the lights all came on.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around in surprise when they saw that the room had filled with a whole gang of pirates, who were all glaring at them with swords of their own.

Hobbes looked around, absolutely stunned.

"Where did…? How in the…? How did they…? What?! _HEY!_"

Calvin growled. "Had a feeling it would all lead to something like this!"

The pirates began to close in around them, growling lowly.

"What do we do?" Hobbes asked.

"We'll have to fight our way out," Calvin said.

"Out where?"

Calvin tried to look through the crowd of pirates and finally saw that on the other side of the large room was a door.

"There's a door at the other side. We have to get to there," he said.

"Right," Hobbes said, gulping slightly. "Ready?"

"Ready."

Calvin charged forward and kicked one of the pirates in the knee.

"_YEOUCH!_" the pirate screamed, dropping his sword in the process.

Calvin deftly caught the sword.

"YEEE-_ARRRRRGGGH!_" another pirate screamed, running at them.

Hobbes, however, did a back flip into the air and brought his foot up, kicking the pirate in the jaw, sending him reeling backwards. Hobbes was still finishing the flip when he caught the sword and landed neatly on his feet.

The pirates yelled in fury and dove in.

"You know, this actually beats cartoons!" Calvin shouted.

"Careful, we don't want to build any character from this," Hobbes warned.

"ATTACK!!" they both yelled together.

Brandishing their swords, they charged into the crowd of pirates as they headed for the door.

**_CLANG!_**

**_BANG!_**

**_SWISH!_**

**_CLANG!_**

**_CLANG!_**

They fought them tooth-and-nail.

Calvin took his sword and blocked all the attempts the pirates made at his life.

"How're you doing, Hobbes?!" he yelled.

"Not bad," Hobbes replied, trying to hide the fact that he was whimpering slightly.

Hobbes found himself doing a lot of backpedaling and having to do judicious amounts of dodging, though to his credit, he did manage a good amount of fencing with three pirates before he found himself on the floor with the three pirates pinning him with their swords, with only his own sword keeping him from being sliced.

"Let's talk about this, shall we? Over a pot of tea and some toasted muffins?" he asked, gasping.

The pirates reared back to go in for the kill, but Hobbes was soon instantaneously back on his feet and on the offensive again, sword fighting relentlessly.

The pirates dogged at them relentlessly.

Their swords were scraping against each other madly sending sparks flying in all directions.

After fending off another barrage of deadly swings, Hobbes found himself once again up against the proverbial hard place.

"Okay, how about some scones and clotted cream? Dundee cake? Battenberg?"

But soon, he was back on his feet and fighting again.

MTM had been dropped and was on the floor at the moment. He was watching the battle with interest.

"MTM!" Calvin shouted, fending off another swordfight. "ANY CHANCE YOU COULD HELP US OUT OVER HERE?!"

"Oh sure, right," MTM replied.

A small flag extended from MTM's hypercube and he began waving it around.

It read _CALVIN & HOBBES #1!_

Calvin grumbled loudly.

"I WAS HOPING FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE HELPFUL!"

"Oh very well."

MTM put the flag away and opened fire.

**_BRZAP!_**

The three pirates that were giving Hobbes trouble were suddenly blasted away like bowling balls, vanishing into the darkness.

"Thanks," Hobbes gasped.

"Sa'right," MTM replied, putting his laser away.

"HOBBES! I COULD STAND A LITTLE HELP!"

"Right! Hang on!"

Hobbes reared up, wound up and let go.

Calvin was nearly on the ground now. He was trying to block the last of the pirates with the sword, but was doing rather poorly now as he tried to keep level.

Then he could see Hobbes in the air. His mouth was in an angry snarl, his claws were out and his entire body in a pounce.

Calvin just barely got out of the way as Hobbes connected with the pirates with a slam.

**_CRASH!_**

**_THUD!_**

**_BANG!_**

**_CLASH!_**

**_CLANG!_**

**_RIP!_**

Calvin got back and managed scoot on his rear over towards MTM, picking him up and gripping him tightly.

"Whoa," Calvin breathed.

"Heavy…," MTM said.

Finally, it was all over, and Hobbes staggered slowly out of the pile of unconscious pirates.

"Phew!" he gasped. "Man, what a _rush_! I haven't felt an adrenaline rush like that in years!"

Just then, they saw the door at the other side of the room open up.

"MTM, how much time do we have left?"

"We've got about five and a half minutes."

"Alright, let's hustle."

They ran as fast as they could through the door and ran down the narrow corridor behind it.

It was very long and very dark.

Finally, they found a giant door.

"Okay, everyone ready?" Calvin asked.

"Ready."

"Ready."

"Then let's go."

Calvin and Hobbes pushed up against the door and slowly managed to get it open.

They found nothing.

Literally nothing.

The entire room was nothing.

There was just a total blackness that extended out forever.

"I hope this is it," Hobbes whimpered.

"It is. I just know it," Calvin said. "Come on."

Calvin walked forward into the nothing.

It was interesting to see someone walking on nothing. He was just walking along the nothing towards nothing looking for nothing.

Hobbes nervously put his foot out and followed him, holding MTM in his hand. He walked for a ways, trying to find out where he was.

Then the door slammed shut and vanished.

"This is the place alright," Hobbes said, gulping down his fear.

Calvin looked around curiously.

"I guess we just wait for something to happen," he said at last.

"You mean there's no way out?" Hobbes asked.

"Nothing that I can see anyway. MTM?"

"Nothing," MTM replied.

"So we're officially in…_nothing_," Hobbes said.

"Basically nothing, yes," Calvin replied.

"Doesn't this seem a bit off?"

"Different reality, Hobbes. It can be anything."

"But it's nothing!"

"Exactly. It's whatever Retro wanted it to be."

"Why would he want it to be nothing?"

"Good question. There are no walls to crush us with in here."

"So what do we do?"

"We just need to look around and find a way through the nothing until we find a something."

"Okay."

And so they continued running in the direction they'd been heading before. They ran faster and faster.

They could see each other just fine. It was like they were running beside a black wall.

"So…running then," Hobbes said as they kept running.

"Running," Calvin agreed.

"…Not very exciting, is it?"

"Well, there's tension."

"Yes, I suppose so."

They continued running for a ways until they finally found something.

Yes, there was something in the nothing.

Looming in the distance was another giant door.

"Told you there'd be something," Calvin grinned.

They both pushed against the door and pushed it open. They managed to get inside and looked around.

It wasn't a very big room.

In fact, it was rather small.

Four walls, a floor and a ceiling.

In the middle of it all was a platform was a beam of light coming down on it.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other, and then back at the platform.

"What's this?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes inspected it. He noticed that the top part of platform was cut open and had hinges on the back. He flipped it open and found that there was a button inside.

"It's a button," he said.

"MTM, how much time do we have?"

"I'd reckon about a minute," MTM said.

"Seriously? We did all that in one hour?" Hobbes asked.

"Time flies when you're having fun."

Calvin sighed. "Press the button."

Hobbes did so, regardless of the consequences.

Once it was pressed, they waited.

"Forty-five seconds," MTM said.

Calvin and Hobbes began to look around the room, just in case.

"Well, just in case we don't make it, it's been a good ride, Hobbes ol buddy," Calvin said calmly.

"Yeah, it has," Hobbes said with a wry grin. "Except for this part."

"Yeah, I'd have done something about this is I could've."

"Hmmm."

"Did you think it would end like this?"

"…MTM was a surprise."

"Cheers mate. Thirty seconds," MTM announced.

"…Should we be looking for another way out?" asked Hobbes.

"Not much point," Calvin replied.

"Ah."

They stood in silence.

"Twenty seconds."

Suddenly, the platform dropped into the floor, taking them by surprise.

"Hey, the thing went away! Something happened!" Hobbes exclaimed, a bit disoriented by the surprise movement.

Suddenly the room stopped being black and became alight with colors. The colors were spinning in a very fast a vibrant pattern all the way around the room.

"Whoa…," Calvin breathed.

"Good thing we're not in our fifties," Hobbes said, trying to get his eyes to focus.

The colors were spinning faster and faster and now there was a high-pitched squealing noise to contend with.

_****__****_!!

"Ten seconds!" MTM yelled.

"Ten seconds?! What happened to fifteen?"

"I forgot to say fifteen when the colors came on. Oh sorry. I forgot to say five seconds because I was explaining why I didn't say fifteen seconds."

"So how long now?" yelled Hobbes.

"Err…no seconds," said MTM.

And he was right.

Suddenly, Calvin and Hobbes found themselves completely enveloped by the colors.

Nothing.

At first, there was nothing.

Then.

Then there was something.

It was a light. A tiny shard of brilliance that shocked them with its suddenness.

Then.

Then there was nothing again.

There was no way of telling how long it lasted. Nothing has no time.

Then the light again. And the light grew, and across the face of the light, a dark shape began to move.

Calvin and Hobbes finally managed to open their eyes.

When everything came into focus, they could hear something now.

Clapping.

It was slow and mocking.

It was Retro. He stood over them, grinning sinisterly.

"Hello, boys," he said slimily.

"Where are we?" Calvin mumbled.

"You're at the end of the maze. Well done."

"Oh good," Hobbes said, as he began to go into a series of stretches.

But Retro's eyes were locked on Calvin.

"Where's MTM?" Calvin asked.

"Oi!" a small voice said.

Calvin looked around and saw MTM not too far away. He reached over and snatched him up and then tossed him over to Hobbes, who was about to get up.

Hobbes held MTM unsurely. "Erm, what are you…?"

"Hush, Hobbes. Retro and I are talking," Calvin said calmly as he managed to get to his feet.

Hobbes backed off and went to stand in the corner.

Calvin eyed Retro.

"Where is it?" he asked.

"Where's what?" Retro asked playfully.

"The Realiphone," Calvin said, as if it were obvious.

Hobbes' head came up. "Huh?!" he cried.

Retro smirked and pulled out the Realiphone. It was completely intact.

"But it was destroyed!" Hobbes objected.

"An easy fix, I must say," Retro replied.

"How did you think Retro built all this?" Calvin added.

"How did _you _know?" MTM asked.

"The pirates were a dead giveaway."

"Very good, boy," Retro said, handing him the device.

Calvin took and immediately stomped on it, smashing it to pieces.

"We don't need anymore of that," he said decidedly.

Retro nodded.

It was at this point that Calvin and Hobbes took a moment to really look at where they were.

The room they were in had no doors. It was a metallic room made of black metal that had pipes going around it. All the pipes came down from the ceiling and snaked around the walls and poured down into a deep chasm below, which took up the other half of the room. Upon further inspection, and because it was very warm in here, they could just about see the warm lava pouring down into the chasm, filling it up.

Retro followed their gaze and then met Calvin's eyes again.

"You know what this means, don't you?" he asked.

"I do," Calvin replied. "Have you anything to say?"

"All that I have to say has already crossed your mind."

"Then possibly my answer has crossed yours."

"You stand fast?"

"Absolutely."

Hobbes watched the exchange with growing dread.

"You're an intelligent child, Calvin," Retro continued. "You must know that there can be but one outcome to this affair. Things have been worked in such a fashion that we have only one resource left. As infuriating as you have been, it has been an intellectual treat. In fact, I find it would be almost regrettable to take any extreme measure if forced to."

"I see, and taking a stab at me on a rollercoaster wasn't an extreme measure?"

Retro raised an eyebrow.

"This is not danger, Calvin, this is inevitable destruction. That is what you have been unable to realize. You must stand clear, Calvin, or be trodden underfoot."

But Calvin didn't say anything. He just stared at Retro head-on.

Retro seemed to receive some sort of message and shook his head sadly.

"If you are clever enough to bring destruction upon me, rest assured that I shall do as much to you. Any requests?"

Calvin seemed to consider for a moment before he said pointed in the direction of Hobbes and MTM.

"I want them out."

Hobbes looked bewildered.

Retro glanced at Hobbes and MTM before shrugging.

"Very well then," he said, taking out a remote.

"Hey wait a minute!" Hobbes objected.

"See you around, Hobbes, ol' buddy," Calvin said with a wink.

"But you can't just–!"

**_KAZAP!_**

Hobbes and the MTM vanished from the maze.

"They have been returned to their reality," Retro said, apparently reassuring him.

"Good."

Calvin and Retro began to walk side-by-side.

_In my darkest hours I could not foresee_

_That the tide could turn so fast to this degree_

They were soon ten feet from the ledge.

_Can't believe my eyes_

_How can you be so blind?_

_Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside?_

"Remember what will happen should you win this match," Retro said. "You will have enemies. Enemies, Calvin. You'll make enemies you never dreamed of if you persist in resisting me, if you ever managed to escape."

"Quite," Calvin said with a nod.

_Time keeps on slipping away and we haven't learned_

_So in the end now what have we gained?_

Calvin walked along the ridge of the chasm, Retro still at his heels.

When he reached the end Calvin stood at bay.

_Sanctus Espiritus! Redeem us from our solemn hour_

_Sanctus Espiritus! Insanity is all around us_

_Sanctus Espiritus! Is this what we deserve?_

_Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony?_

They drew no weapons.

Retro suddenly let out a shout and rushed at Calvin, reaching at him with his long arms.

Calvin managed to keep him at bay by holding onto his legs, causing him to stumble.

_Are they themselves to blame? The misery, the pain?_

_Didn't we let go? Allowed it, let it grow_

They tottered together upon the brink of the chasm.

The lava swelled and churned below them.

_If we can't restraint he beast which dwells inside, it will find it's way somehow, somewhere in time_

Retro then allowed himself to fall on the metal floor.

**_CLANG!_**

Calvin and Retro began rolling around on the floor, wrestling.

_Will we remember all of the suffering?_

_`Cause if we fail it will be in vain_

Finally, however, Calvin managed to aim Retro so that his head stuck out over the ridge. Getting his feet so they were touching the ground, he managed to get a small amount of traction in pushing Retro forward.

_Sanctus Espiritus! Redeem us from our solemn hour_

_Sanctus Espiritus! Insanity is all around us_

_Sanctus Espiritus! Is this what we deserve?_

_Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony? (ending agony!)_

Retro reached out and managed to grab onto Calvin's shirt collar and attempted to pull him forward.

Calvin carried on regardless.

Retro's holographic image was now beginning to waver. He was beginning to feel the heat getting at him. It was affecting his light bee and it was keeping him from progressing properly, but he still held his grip at Calvin's collar.

Calvin, feeling Retro's image crackling with interference beneath him, managed to push just a little bit harder, and with one final shove, Calvin managed to push Retro off the cliff, and Retro managed to pull Calvin down with him.

_Sanctus Espiritus! Redeem us from our solemn hour (solemn hour!)_

_Sanctus Espiritus! Insanity is all around us (all around us!)_

_Sanctus Espiritus! Is this what we deserve?_

_Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony?_

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

**Voice Work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon **Calvin  
**Tom Hanks **Hobbes  
**Norman Lovett **MTM  
**Kurtwood Smith **Holographic Retro

* * *

**Coming Up Next: **Calvin and Hobbes: The Series (SEASON FIVE)


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